Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight join jimmy and his guests Michael Strahan, brene brown, musical guest patty smyth, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy oh hi, everybody. Hello. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. Welcome to the tonight show, everybody. We are here from studio 6a in new york city. [ cheers and applause thank you so much for watching thanks for being here. Lets get to the news and jokes. Well, guys, its been five days since the election was called, and President Trump still has no plans to concede. Pretty soon were going to need Vladimir Putin to stage an intervention [ laughter ] look, it actually isnt my birthday we were worried about you. [ light laughter ] yeah, we could be working on the pandemic or the economy, but instead we had to lure trump out of the white house like a cat burrowed under the couch. [ laughter ] trumps pretty much refusing to leave the house. Hes basically turning into the old man from up. [ light laughter ] i should have put helium in these balloons why why did i choose water . [ light laughter ] well, yesterday a reporter asked president elect biden about trumps refusal to concede and what it means for the country. And heres what he had to say. I just think its an embarrassment, quite frankly jimmy trump heard that and was like, thats what you thought was embarrassing [ laughter ] a porn star sued me. [ laughter ] what about when i tossed paper towels like free throws at the hurricane victims . This is embarrassing okay okay. Thats right, biden called trump an embarrassment then he left the podium and spent 20 minutes trying to find the opening in the curtain [ laughter ] you got to be kidding me. But its been a pretty rough couple of weeks for trump. Has there been any good news for him . Nbc news has projected President Trump as the winner of the state of alaska [ laughter ] jimmy when the news broke, Steve Kornacki was like, you woke me up for this . [ laughter ] its three electoral votes. Trump needs like 63 electoral votes, and he got three. Its like asking your friend for 20 bucks, and theyre like, i have a canadian loonie. [ light laughter ] but trump appreciated the victory. Today he said, i want to thank alaska and their leader, queen elsa. [ light laughter ] well, this is interesting. Most republicans havent congratulated biden on his win, but they have been talking to his good friend, democratic senator chris coons. Listen to this what are they telling you behind the scenes . Um, bluntly, that they accept that i mean they call me to say, you know, congratulations. Please convey my well wishes to the president elect, but i cant say that publicly yet. [ light laughter ] jimmy is this the third grade . Its like, can you tell emily that i have a crush on her friend ruby . [ light laughter ] meanwhile, assuming trump does leave office, the Intelligence Community is worried that he might reveal some of the countrys most classified secrets, possibly in exchange for favors its already not a great sign that the white house dominos guy is like, i know some things [ laughter ] ive seen some things. Yeah, americas gone from thinking, how could he not read intelligence memos to, thank god he didnt read intelligence memos. [ laughter ] i wouldnt worry, though you know the pentagon probably made stuff up just to see if he was listening. Its like, sir, this is highly classified, but at night, the Natural History museum comes alive. [ laughter ] what . Just dont. Speaking of trumps life after the presidency, heres something that should make him feel a little better President Trump could land a 100 million book deal about his time in the white house. The New York Post reports the president has been bombarded with offers for book and tv deals. The white house has not commented. Jimmy 100 million when he heard that, trump didnt just concede, he quit hes like, im out. Its 100 mil. Meanwhile melania was like, just when i thought i was out, he pulls me back in. [ laughter ] 100 million is a lot, cause you know trumps just going to print out all his tweets and staple them together done. Pay me there you go theres my book. In the meantime, i read that the Trump Administration wants to make the u. S. Citizenship test more difficult so its harder to become a citizen they even had President Trump try it out, but i think they might have made it a little too tough. I mean, check out his answers. For example, when asked to win an election, you need the most blank. Trump wrote down lawyers. [ light laughter ] next, for the question where was the constitution signed, trump wrote down four seasons total landscaping. [ laughter and applause what not a good start next up for what is a u. S. Motto which can be found on the dollar bill, trump wrote nobody outpizzas the hut. [ light laughter ] so close next up for what did the declaration of independence do, trump put separated harry and meghan from england. I mean [ light laughter ] why would he keep taking the test if hes but, up next, if the president and Vice President can no longer serve, who becomes president . Trump put down colonel sanders. [ light laughter ] next up, it says, what does the president s cabinet do trump said, hold the president s snacks. [ laughter and applause i mean, at this point he should stop taking the test why would they even have him but he continued to answer more questions. For the question, who do we thank on veterans day, trump somehow wrote doctors who take care of animals. Thats not veterans. And finally, trump answered one more question before they took away his pen for what is the supreme law of the land, he wrote eat, tweet, repeat. There you go [ applause ] actually he did better than i expected some Business News i saw that chipotle is opening its first ever digital only restaurant where customers have to order ahead and pick up their food im just afraid because of these changes eating chipotle whether no longer feel like an Authentic Mexican experience [ laughter ] when the cashier calls out steak burrito for greg, a lot of customers will be like, whoa, how did you know . Heres some more tech news uber is launching a new feature. Check this out uber is launching a new service to try to attract more customers during the pandemic. The new option is called uber reserve. Customers can now reserve rides up to 30 days in advance, and they can pick their favorite driver for the trip. Jimmy who has a favorite uber driver . [ laughter ] its like having a favorite subway conductor now uber drivers are going to be the ones thinking, i hope this guy doesnt murder me. Also 30 days whos like, okay, im going to be drunk in brooklyn on a Street Corner 30 days from right now . [ laughter ] and finally in spain, a 19yearold climber made it to the top of a 660 foot crane and then decided to hang out naked. Heres the photo [ light laughter ] everyone on the street below was like, that guys nuts. [ laughter and applause [ rim shot ] when people told him no one wants to see his testicles, he was like, in spain, its actually pronounced tethicles. [ laughter and applause we have a great show for you tonight. Joining me for a special interview on the golf course, Michael Strahan is on the show [ cheers and applause plus brene brown is dropping by [ cheers and applause and weve got music from patty smythe, everybody [ cheers and applause well, guys, it looks like trump is finally on his way out, so i just wanted to take this moment to say goodbye. [ cheers and applause four years with you in charg went so very slo now the time has come for us to let you g you tweeted frau stop the count fake news pennsylvania must hurt so bad to los its not a pity to say goodbye to you jimmy patty smythe, everybody [ cheers and applause goodbye to you will we ever see a president like we saw in you stare directly at the sun toilet pape on your shoe ignored fauci and fell for kim jongun said youd shoot someon on fifth avenu just before i said goodbye to you [ cheers and applause goodbye to you goodbye to yo goodbye to yo well you said youd build a wal with money from mexico then you called up the ukraine for a quid pro qu you told people to drink bleach like its booze now youll be gone in the blink of a scaramooch and we can finally say goodbye to you [ cheers and applause goodbye to you goodbye to yo goodbye to yo say goodbye baby jimmy patty smythe, everyone [ cheers and applause shes performing later in the show stick around for more the tonight show, everybody vo im a verizon engineer and today, were turning on 5g across the country. 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In a year filled with memorable ones, heres to one more. The lexus december to remember sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. How can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way xfinity mobiles fast nationwide 5g network meets the first iphone with 5g. Get the new iphone 12 on xfinity mobile. And right now get 250 off. Learn more at an xfinity store today. [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back to the show, everybody. Its veterans day, and i just want to take this moment to recognize all of those who served our country and those who are serving right now. And thank you to all of the military families out there. [ cheers and applause your service and sacrifice make it possible for us to get to do what we do every day and its an honor for us to put on a show and entertain you tonight. [ cheers and applause we always we always try to do Something Special for veterans day a little later, Michael Strahan and i are doing a new bit called playing around, where were playing golf and donating some cool stuff to veterans. So stick around for that but first, i always say our show is lucky to have the greatest band in late night. The roots right there. [ applause ] i always say it. But it isnt always fun and games. From time to time, we put the roots to the test. And because its veterans day, we found three veterans from three different branches of the military who wanted the roots to write songs about them on the spot it is time for freestylin with the roots veterans day edition. Time to freestyle with the roots jimmy hey. All right, roots you guys ready to do this . Yes, sir. Jimmy all right. Here we go lets get our first veteran up here hello. What is your name, and what branch did you serve in . Hi, jimmy my name is abby, and i was a a sergeant in the u. S. Army. [ applause ] jimmy thank you so much for being here, abby abby, there are a lot of medals that you can get in the military if your friends were to give you a medal about yourself, it would say most likely to what . Most likely to order the best thing at a restaurant. Jimmy wow really and people are jealous of what you ordered. Oh, yeah, i should have gotten that always. Jimmy oh, i wish i had that talent and then, if they were to give you a least likely to medal, what would it say . Oh, least likely to this is hard. Least likely to order a salad. [ applause ] jimmy thats so funny. All right, guys. Roots, we have abby. Shes an army veteran, and her friends would give her a medal that says most likely to order the best food at a restaurant, which im so jealous of. And the second medal that says least likely to order the salad. [ laughter ] for this first one, roots, forever after all has been on the billboard hot 100 since it came out a few weeks ago could you do something in the style of, like, luke combs abby cayenn in the army is where she served its time t let the military get the credit they deserve you can ear a lot of medal theres even som for the reserves most likely to orde the best thing i the restaurant would be hers but when it comes to ordering salads shes least likely to jimmy come on now. Thank you, roots thank you so much, abby. Thank you for your service lets get another veteran on here. Hello. What is your name, and what branch did you serve in. Hey, jimmy. My name is Christian Leggett i was a lieutenant in the u. S. Navy [ cheers and applause jimmy wow, christian, lieutenant u. S. Navy, awesome. Thank you again for being here christian, weve all done so many zooms this year if you could zoom with any two celebrities, who would you pick oh, wow probably Dave Chappelle and jack white [ applause ] jimmy wow, thats awesome. Could have said me, but its okay you know what . It doesnt matter, right, because were kind of zooming now. It doesnt matter. So yeah, i understand. Youre being polite. Christian, what topic christian, what topic would you talk about with dave and jack . Thats a really good question what topic would i talk about . Probably where they get their inspiration from jimmy wow, deep. This is good i want to be at that dinner. All right, guys. Zoom dinner. We have christian, a navy veteran, and the two celebrities that he didnt want to embarrass me, but the two celebrities he would zoom with, me not included, would be Dave Chappelle hes a pretty good comedian. Hes all right. Jimmy and jack white hes yeah. Jimmy he plays music, i guess. [ laughter ] and he would talk about what inspires them. Whats their inspiration, which i think is a great topic for this next one, notorious b. I. G. Was just inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame, so congrats. [ applause ] finally. So can we do something with the notorious b. I. G. Its all good its all goo baby, baby i say, yes, yes yall, thi is how we ball Christian Jack white and chappelle was on a call source of inspiration was the topi of discussion talk about inspired im inspired b your hustlin bro now that you hear im blowing up like nitro even ben and jerr no one gettin tha tonight, though baby, baby jimmy thats what im talking about. Baby, baby that was great thank you again for your service, christian thank you. Ill see you on the next zoom call [ laughter ] looking forward to it jimmy yeah lets do one more. Here we go what is your name, and what branch did you serve in . Hi. My name is christine peterson, and i was a corporal in the United States marine corps [ cheers and applause jimmy hey, corporal. Thank you so much for being here now, christine, mcdonalds Just Announced a new mcplant burger, okay now, if you got to create your own Mcdonalds Burger, it would be called the mc what ooh probably the mctasty jimmy dude, i cant believe thats not a burger already. The mctasty. I like the mctasty and what would be the burgers slogan be . Lets work on this um jimmy the mctasty. Its its better than youd expect jimmy oh, thats so funny. Its better than youd expect. People are going, just give me the mctasty, i guess i dont know i love that. Guys, we have christine, a a veteran of the marine corps. Her Mcdonalds Burger is called the mctasty, and its slogan is its better than youd expect. Roots, for this final one, since its veterans day, can we do something patriotic, like maybe james brown living in america type of vibes this is america, righ christine in the usa got to give it up to her veterans day talk about a burger mctast mickey ds makes you wan to kiss yourself what would that slogan be this aint a mclamb burge this is a mctasty burger you got to respect i get down jimmy mctasty. That was great my thanks to the roots, our virtual veterans and every veteran from all branches of the military for your service. Happy veterans day well be right back with more the tonight show. [ cheers and applause so, uh, yeah, just a silly mistake. I guess i look pretty. Ridiculous. [ chuckles ] no one looks ridiculous, bob. Progressive is always here for you with roundtheclock service. Just so you know, next time, you can submit a claim with our mobile app. Good. Thanks again for for rushing over. Are you kidding . This is what 24 7 protection looks like. Okay. 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Jimmy hey, guys, im here at the beautiful skyway golf course in jersey city, new jersey im about to play some golf and interview a very special guest hes one of the cohosts of Good Morning America and hes also an analyst on fox nfl sunday. His clothing line collection by Michael Strahan is available now at mens Warehouse Stores nationwide and menswarehouse. Com. Here he is