Announcer tonight on late night with seth meyers, bette midler author bryan washington, an allnew closer look, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now, Seth Meyers Seth welcome to late night. How is everybody doing tonight there are now six days until the election, so get in line now lets get to the news. According to the latest numbers, over 70 Million People across the country have already voted or, as the Postal Service is reporting, none. During a Campaign Rally in florida, yesterday, former president obama criticized President Trump for treating the presidency as, quote, a reality show that can give him the attention he craves. And by the number of tiki torches, im guessing its survivor the third baseman for the Los Angeles Dodgers was pulled from their worldserieswinning game last night during the seventh inning, after he tested positive for the coronavirus and not a moment too soon because third base is one of the easiest ways to catch the virus. [ light laughter ] we have a new 12yearold on staff, right, baze hes off to a hot start. Cnn said yesterday it will not air a protrump ad on its network, due to issues with the truthfulness of its content. And the last thing you want is a deceitful ad, after your tenminute interview with Kellyanne Conway the New York Times published a quiz yesterday entitled, can you tell a trump fridge from a biden fridge . I dont know but you can definitely tell those fridges from a bernie fridge today was microsoft cofounder and billionaire bill gatess 65th birthday. Said gates, all right, i can finally collect social security. Wally got real slow with the cards there, guys. I know everyones at home being like, oh, really living in the pause after that punch line. It was seth but ole wally got real slow with the card it was stuck. Seth it was stuck. Hey. Lets show again because i feel like we havent looked at wallys side sponge for a while. [ laughter ] again, if you missed it, wally used to lick his fingers [ laughter ] before switching cards and now, because of covid, he has to wear a sponge on the side of his face. Just like that and then, sometimes, it doesnt work nope, it didnt work. Seth all right so, the key here is you remember that it was bill all right thats right today was bill gatess birthday and, this is fun, his family rented out a chilis oh, wait, sorry, i read that wrong. Chile. They rented out chile. And finally, the founder of socalled sexslave cult nxivm, keith raniere, was sentenced yesterday to 120 years in prison and if you want to know what 120 years feels like, binge watch the vow. And that was a monologue, everybody. You guys, we have a fantastic show for you tonight so, i am so very excited that the divine bette midler will be here it is her first time on the show im over the moon about it and because we love authors here, at late night, particularly this one, im going to be chatting with bryan washington. His debut novel memorial was published this week. Its wonderful but, before we get to all that, with less than a week until the election, the president is whining that the media spends too much time covering covid and signaling his intent to steal the election through the Supreme Court. For more on this, its time for a closer look. Seth at some point its hard to find new ways to describe how awful donald trump is. If you bought stock in thesaurus. Com four years ago, congrats on becoming a millionaire. I mean, what else is there to say . Hes just a vicious, monstrous, deeply repellent figure, whos willing to hurt anyone and do anything to cling to power for example, yesterday he was in michigan, where hes repeatedly incited threats against the governor, Gretchen Whitmer a few weeks ago, the fbi broke up an alleged plot by rightwing terrorists to kidnap whitmer and on tuesday, trump seemed to suggest that, actually, that might not be a problem your governor, i dont think she likes me too much. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Im the one. It was our people that helped her out with her problem i mean, well have to see if its a problem, right . People are entitled to say, maybe, it was a problem. Maybe it was it was our people, my people, our people that helped her out. And then she blamed me for it. Seth the fbi is not your people and if they are your people, your people sure put a lot of your other people in jail. Its the iron law of trump anytime you think he cant get worse as a human being, he finds a way. Hes like the usain bolt of being an [ bleep ] he just keeps breaking his own world records. Even stands like hes leaning over the finish line i broke the tape. Are you saying you think it, maybe, wasnt a problem that a bunch of rightwing terrorists planned to stage a coup and kidnap the governor of michigan . My god trump loses, hes going to have to move to a cabin in the woods and grow a unabomber beard of course, even if he did move to a cabin in the woods, wed probably be able to find him and by the way, according to the authorities, this plot wasnt just hypothetical. Federal officials released chilling videos of training exercises and chat messages where the suspects discussed their plans. One of the codefendants wrote to his coconspirators, and this is real. Okay, well, hows everyone feel about kidnapping . Not that it makes it any less terrifying but these guys are such dip [ bleep ], you couldnt even use emojis . Hows everyone feel about woman, car, bag of money . They talked about a terrorist plot to wage a coup and kidnap the governor like they were ordering takeout well, im fine with kidnapping but ken wants thai. Ken, we had thai last week. Well, what if we do thai and kidnapping . Because then, if the thai shows up first, everyones going to eat it and no ones going to want to do the kidnapping, ken weve been over this. Trump also keeps falsely insisting michigan is still locked down, even though it definitely is not. Hes made this lie a staple of his rallies in the state you got to get your governor to open up your state. Okay [ cheers and applause youd be doing even better if you had a governor that knew what the hell she was doing. [ cheers and applause you got to open up the state open up your state, madam governor open up your state [ cheers and applause i mean, your governors a disaster they got to open up this they got to open up this state hey, governor. Let your state open. Get your states opened up. And this governor should get her state opened up. She keeps everybody locked up, like a prison. Seth its not locked down like a prison. Youre there youre holding a giant rally in michigan if they were locked down, the last person theyd let in would be the superspreader in chief. This is what trump does. Throughout his entire campaign and presidency, his political success is dependent, in large part, on his willingness to distort plain, observable reality. I mean, he doesnt just lie about obscure or complicated things he lies about simple, straightforward things we can all see and hear, with our eyes and ears. Like, a weather map. I mean, no one was fooled by that we all know what sharpie looks like when new yorkers get on the subway, no one says, ooh, looks like the cast of suits has mustaches this season. And now, trump is, once again, trying to warp reality 37 states are seeing spikes in coronavirus cases, which are up 39 across the country were seeing new records for daily cases. Deaths are up 13 , and hospitals and hot spots are overwhelmed. Like in el paso, where theres been a 300 increase in hospitalizations since the start of october but the president has been insisting that, despite what you can see with your own eyes, everything is fine and hes been whining that the media wont stop talking about the deadly virus killing hundreds of americans every day. Heres a tweet from the president today. The fakenews media is writing covid, covid, covid, he tweeted, all the way to the election losers. Until november 4th, fakenews media is going fullon covid, covid, covid all the fakenews media wants to talk about is covid, covid, covid. The news. The cnn, all they talk about, covid, covid, covid, covid all biden and his handlers and the media want to talk about today is covid, covid, covid you know that. You turn on this network theres covid, covid, covid, covid. Its all i hear. Turn on television covid, covid covid, covid, covid, covid covid, covid, covid, covid seth sounds like hes looking at the white house staff photo. Covid, covid, covid jail covid, covid, fired. Covid, soninlaw, covid. Hes jealous of a virus. He sounds like he is complaining to his agent about an actor who got a part he wanted covid, covid, covid everybodys talking about covid. I thought you told me i was a lock for peoples sexiest virus alive . Trump is so mad, hes gone full hodor. Sounds like a character from the covidexpansion pack for the sims. Covid, covid, covid, covid, covid. Covid, covid, covid. If it seems to you like trump is jealous of all the Media Coverage covids been getting, youre not alone president obama mocked trumps whining at a rally in florida on tuesday. This week, with everything thats happening, you know what he brought up . He was fussing about the crowd size at the inauguration, again. Saying his was bigger. I who who who is thinking about that right now . Nobody, except him and whats his Closing Argument . That people are too focused on covid. He said this at one of his rallies. Covid, covid, covid, hes complaining. Hes jealous of covids Media Coverage seth best thing about obama on the campaign trail is the return of standup obama and another thing, whats up with everyone posting pics of banana bread during quarantine like, theyre contestants on the Great British bake off. You look more like a like a great, british jerkoff. What else . What else . Now, we knew trump was going to be pissed that obama roasted him. But to add insult to injury, trumps favorite tv channel, fox news, aired obamas speech and trump was not happy about it do you want to react to what president obama said in his speech i only saw he was on fox. And fox puts him on all the time and they put sleepy joe on all the time no fox fox is very disappointing. That fox puts on this this would not have happened with roger ailes, i could tell you that seth i do love when obama gets under trumps skin. I got to see it up close and personal at the Correspondents Dinner in 2011 they say that was the night obama caused trump to run for president. Fine it was him and Mckay Coppins those two have a lot to answer for. And just a reminder, roger ailes had so many credible, sexualassault allegations against him, he had to resign from fox news. Thats like getting kicked out of the nxivm cult for being too good at volleyball thats the takeaway of that doc, right . I only watched a couple episodes i feel like thats the gist. Provolleyball aside from Everything Else thats grotesque and nauseating about trump, he is also just an insufferable, [ bleep ] little baby he whines about everything i mean, honestly, who enjoys listening to this . Its like taking your grandfather to a fancy restaurant they put us near the kitchen, can you believe this ask if we can move. We cant move, grandpa. Our food isnt even cooked. Thats carpaccio, grandpa. Why are there two forks in nam we ate with our hands. Trump will accept nothing less than universal praise, validation, and victory. He thinks he is entitled to it and hell whine until he gets it thats why he is attacking the integrity of the election, and telegraphing that he wants his new, 63 conservative supermajority on the Supreme Court to steal it for him. Hopefully, the few states remaining that want to take a lot of time, after november 3rd, to count ballots, that wont be allowed by the various courts because, as you know, were in courts on that we just had a big victory yesterday in wisconsin on that matter so, hopefully, that wont be happening. I think were doing very well. Were going to have an exciting night. It would be very, very proper and very nice if a winner were declared on november 3rd instead of counting ballots for two weeks, which is totally inappropriate. And i dont believe that thats by our laws. Seth okay, first of all, why does it sound so threatening when trump says were going to have an exciting night its like hearing jigsaw say, i want to play a game. Second, ballots that get counted after midnight on Election Night are still valid ballots. Nowhere in the constitution or federal law does it say all ballots must be counted by 11 59 p. M. On november 3rd Election Night is just a thing, invented by radio and tv channels for ratings like may sweeps or the Kardashian Family i mean, none of them are even related. Two of them are cgi. I mean, would a real person tweet about a Birthday Party on a private island in the middle of a pandemic . Oh, really they did but just one tweet [ gasps a thread oh point is, republicans pretend to be originalists who adhere to the strict meaning of the constitution but, back when the constitution was written, you think they counted all the ballots on Election Night back then, it took two weeks to get a letter to someone in the next state and you had to ride a horse until it died. Thats why Inauguration Day was originally in march. John adams needed four months just to unfurrow his brow. I am vexed, abigail. Again, thats a pretty, pretty decent giamatti as john adams impression im just saying, its worth its worth watching the miniseries and i think if you do, youll say, ah. So the republican partys new position is that any ballot received after election day should not be counted, even if it was postmarked by election day. Which would radically alter how we have conducted elections in this country for decades and conservatives on the Supreme Court are already signaling that theyre ready to go along with this absurd, new standard. The courts conservative majority refused, on monday, to extend wisconsins deadline for receiving absentee ballots to six days after the election. And Justice Brett kavanaugh wrote one of the sloppiest, most incoherent opinions in recent memory, repeating the trump claim that ballots counted after election day are somehow suspicious in his written opinion, Justice Brett kavanaugh, trump appointee, said elections have to end sometime. Quote, states want to avoid the chaos and suspicions of impropriety that could ensue if thousands of absentee ballots flow in after election day, and potentially flip the results of an election. Seth what are you talking about . If there are more ballots to count, then that means there are no results to flip thats like ending a Football Game after the Third Quarter because fourthquarter touchdowns would flip the score. Which is ridiculous and also impossible if you are playing the jets eh, we did our best, fellows. But, coach, theres still the fourth quarter. Yeah. I might just head out. Beat the traffic. Kavanaughs opinion was also riddled with incredibly lazy errors he favorably quoted a legal scholar who was actually arguing in favor of the extending postmarked deadlines repeatedly confused receipt deadlines with submission deadlines, and wrote that other states, such as vermont by contrast, have decided not make changes to their ordinary election rules which is not true. Vermont decided to mail a ballot to every registered voter and authorized ballot processing 30 days before the election to speed up vote counting oh, no is this one of those classic, i like beer situations if you want to know what vermonts up to, just google it. Or sit quietly in your office and wait for Bernie Sanders to yell about it. Everyone in vermont gets a ballot and a sticker i dont like the sticker because it leaves a residue on my good shirt. This is the gops con. Slow down mail service, limit the number of drop boxes then, claim ballots that arrive late are invalid for example, Texas Governor greg abbott limited dropoff locations for mailin ballots to one per county meanwhile, republicans in pennsylvania blocked attempts to allow counties to start processing mail ballots before election day basically, if republicans had their way there would be exactly one ballot drop box for the entire country, somewhere in the mojave desert. And youd only be able to use it on oddnumber days between the hours of 3 00 and 4 00 a. M after crossing a bridge and answering three riddles from rudy giuliani. Riddle me this. How would you get a mic off without untucking your shirt . You know what giulianis catchphrase used to be, shoemaker . My cousin. [ light laughter ] it couldnt be any clearer that trump and his allies on the Supreme Court are telegraphing their plan to orchestrate a sequel to bush v. Gore by hoping trump is ahead on Election Night. And then, prematurely, declaring him the winner before all the votes are counted. And now, they have yet another reliable ally in their scheme with the confirmation of amy coney barrett. Barrett is such a loyal trump disciple, she made the stunning decision to appear with trump at what was effectively a white house Campaign Rally on monday and in a subsequent campaignstyle video just eight days before a president ial election she might have to rule on ah, yes, the independent judiciary. Just how the framers imagined it you know how bummed john adams would be to see that be Walking Around the house saying, abigail, i am perturbed, abigail i am dang it. Pull up thesaurus. Com. And if you are a barrett supporter, you might argue that she can accept a nomination from a president without endorsing his character. But once she shares the same balcony with a roger ailes apologist who is still on the fence as to whether or not a plot to kidnap a governor is a good or bad thing, you can [ bleep ] right off. The plan is clear. Trump and the gop are doing everything they can to suppress and undermine mailin voting, hoping they can prematurely declare vict