Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240712

Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight join jimmy and his guests, jim parsons, Shepard Smith, musical guest bts, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, Jimmy Fallon Jimmy thank you so much for watching everybody welcome to the tonight show. Guys, it is a big night for nbc. It is the start of bts week here on the tonight show. We have Something Special for you bts fans in a couple minutes. Also a huge night for hockey if you just watched game six of the stanley cup playoffs that means youre either drunk and happy or drunk and very angry. [ laughter ] i actually watched the game through my plastic face shield so i feel like i was really there. [ laughter ] yeah, tonight we got to see white guys brutally attack each other for two hours so it was a pretty good preview of tomorrow nights debate. [ laughter ] lets get to some politics well, guys, last night the New York Times published a bombshell report about President Trumps personal finances yep, somehow the times got their hands on trumps long hidden tax records and what they found was not good. Listen to this the New York Times reports its obtained two decades worth of President Trumps tax returns. The times reports that the president paid no income taxes in ten of the last 15 years. Jimmy thats right trump has not paid income taxes in ten of the last 15 years although honestly, wouldnt it have been more shocking if trump had paid taxes in those years . [ laughter ] yeah, when the news broke trump was furious. He was like, why did i pay taxes for those five years . [ laughter ] seriously when it comes to avoiding taxes trump knows every loophole for instance, on next years taxes he plans on claiming his Coronavirus Response as a total loss [ laughter ] [ applause ] what thank you. Its a clapper a clapper. Some laughs, some claps. Well, someone close to trump must have provided the records when asked who might have a grudge against him, trump was like, other than 65 tellall book authors no one comes to mind. [ laughter ] so trump didnt pay any income taxes for ten out of 15 years. Big deal im sure when trump did pay something it was a lot in 2016, the year trump won the white house, he paid just 750 in income tax jimmy 750 [ laughter ] 750 thats great in todays money trump basically paid the equivalent of a 1993 toyota tercel. [ laughter ] even people who use the free version of turbo tax are like, that cant be right. [ laughter ] the report also found that on top of not paying taxes trump wrote off a bunch of expenses that seemed kind of suspicious the paper also accuses the president and his companies of claiming questionable deductions on some of those businesses more than 109,000 for linens and silverware and nearly 200,000 for landscaping he also wrote off more than 70,000 in hair cuts when he was on the apprentice. Jimmy the crazy part isnt that he spent 70,000 on his hair it is that clearly 70,000 wasnt enough. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy should have went with 150,000 landscaping. The most damaging part of the report also shows that trump might not be the billionaire expert businessman he claims to be the times says documents show the president reported more than 47 million in losses in 2018 alone and he faces a a personal debt totaling 421 million, money that could come due while he is in office if elected to a second term. Jimmy wow. This news comes as a huge shock. I mean, all this time i thought the guy who lost money running a casino was a financial wiz [ laughter ] yep, trumps to pay back 421 million in response college kids with Student Loans are like, holy crap im richer than the president. [ laughter ] basically, this is who trump says he is, and this is who he really is. [ laughter ] i guess that when you owe that kind of money you start doing desperate things look at what i saw today on zillow hes selling the white house [ laughter ] ill check it out at open house. Im not sure im going to buy it since 2000, trump has reported over 300 million in losses just from his golf courses would have been a better investment if trump opened up a radio shack inside a a blockbuster inside a sears [ laughter ] it wasnt all bad news for trump this weekend on saturday he officially named his nominee to replace the late justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the Supreme Court. It is my honor to nominate one of our nations most brilliant and gifted legal minds to the Supreme Court she is a woman of unparalleled achievement, towering intellect, sterling credentials, and unyielding loyalty to the constitution, judge Amy Coney Barrett. Jimmy oh, good lord that took forever by the time trump was done with the introduction he had to fill three more Supreme Court seats [ laughter ] seriously the only thing trump will drag out longer are the results of the election. Of course, the president ial election is heating up and the first debate is tomorrow night itll be a little different than debates weve seen in the past watch this joe biden and President Trump are preparing to face off for the first time now, this debate will be very different from debates past due to the coronavirus pandemic. Biden and trump will not shake hands. There will be a much smaller audience and everyone on hand will be tested for covid19. Jimmy yep. The debate is almost here right now. Biden plans on throwing trump off by walking out in a hat that says irs. [ laughter ] because of covid the candidates wont start the night while shaking hands. Well, partly because of covid, but mostly because trump just doesnt know how to shake hands. [ laughter ] jimmy thats right the candidates wont start the evening by shaking hands instead itll be like a wedding dance, where biden casts a line at trump and then reels him in [ laughter ] with the debate happening tomorrow night both trump and biden have been busy preparing what theyre going to say. And we actually managed to get our hands on some video of trumps debate prep. Check this out all right the big debates tomorrow and we gotta prep. We gotta prep. If i blow this theres no telling how many tens of people will change their minds about me thats why i asked you my loyal team of future tellall authors to come up with questions. So, hit me what do we got mr. President , first question, when will the Covid Vaccine be ready easy. Tomorrow [ laughter ] definitely tomorrow. Its coming out immediately. And look, its a very wonderful vaccine. Tastes great very delicious vaccine, gonna to be grape probably we have our scientists working around the clock mixing [ sharp inhale ] the vials and the beakers and its turning the liquid into different colors just incredible. Right now, its very green and bubbly and it unleashes smoke in the shape of a skull so its looking good next question. Mr. President , is it true that in 2016 and 2017 you paid 750 in federal income taxes absolutely false. Excellent great, clear answer. I paid 350 okay, maybe lets just skip that [ laughter ] sir, what is your view on Climate Change look, ive said it before we love the climate. The scientists, they dont even know they dont even know i watch wktg, their meteorologist. He gets the climate wrong most every day. He says, its raining. There is no rain he says, its sunny, but i look at my phone and the sun is behind a little cloud. Very sad a tough thing, the climate very tough very tough thing mr. President , if you win ahbah ahbah when i win. [ laughter ] but when i win when you win, how exactly are you going to unite the country . Im going to pass on that one. Okay. How will you ease racial tension . Ooo, big pass back to your taxes doubledog pass well, i think we need an answer for that. I said doubledog, so legally you have to pass they said i can have three passes didnt they say that can we look into that . Three passes what do you think of bidens plan to look, the thing about the thing about biden, can i just say the thing about biden is that hes a nasty woman. [ laughter ] hes such a nasty woman. Sorry, you said that about hillary. Thats right. Im bringing back all the classics no one goes to a counting crows concert to hear the new stuff, folks. With me, its mr. Jones, all night. By the way, thats where i thats where i drop the mic. You wont have a mic, sir well, ill drop this one, then not that kind of mic. [ laughter ] we cant hear you now, sir hello sir, civil unrest is widespread across the country. Yes, its very unrestful. People are very upset. Theyre throwing cans of tuna. Very sad for tuna. Next finally, will you accept the outcome of the election if you dont win . I will absolutely definitely [ laughter ] sir, we cant hear oh, he knows. [ applause ] jimmy how did we get our hands on that debate prep . And finally, right before the debate, joe biden just picked up a big endorsement from Dwayne Johnson check it out i do feel that Vice President biden and senator harris are the best choice to lead our country and i am endorsing them to become president and Vice President of our United States. Jimmy yeah biden said, thanks for endorsing me then dwayne said, just return the favor in 2024. [ laughter ] meanwhile, trump was disappointed he was like, how could you not pick me . People are always saying, im as smart as a rock. [ laughter ] hang on. Can we see dwayne again . The guy is jacked. If you check the tag on that shirt the size actually says statue [ laughter ] we have a great show for you tonight. They have the number one song on the billboard hot 100 list. They are the biggest band in the world. Bts is here [ applause ] it is bts week all week long we have music performances every night. Weve got games. Weve got interviews and a lot more fun stuff planned. Its going to be a giant week with bts plus, he stars in the netflix film the boys in the band jim parsons is here. [ applause ] and the news with Shepard Smith premiers on cnbc this wednesday Shepard Smith is here. Please give it up for the roots everybody. Jimmy guys, it is bts week on the tonight show all week long and in honor of that we wanted to do something fun so me and the roots got together with bts for a special performance of their number one hit song dynamite. Check it out [ applause ] shoes on get up in the mornin cut up mil lets rock and roll king kong kick the drum rolling on like rolling ston sing song when im walking home jump up to the top lebron dingdong call m on my phon ice tea and a game of ping pon this is heav can you hear bass boom im ready lifes sweet a hone yeah this beat chaching like money disco overload im into that im good to go im a diamond you know i glow hey so lets go cause i i i in the stars tonight so watch me bring the fire and set th night alight shining through the city with a little funk and soul light it up like dynamite whoa who bring a friend join the crowd whoever wanna come alon word up talk the tal just move like w off the world day or nigh the skys alight so we dance to break the dawn ladies and gentleme i got the medicine so you should keep you eyes on the ball this is heavy can you hear bass boom im read lifes sweet a honey yeah this bea chaching like money and disco overload im into that im good to g im a diamond you know i glow hey so lets go cause i i im in the stars tonight so watch me bring th fire and set the night aligh shining through the city with a little funk and sou light it up like dynamite life is dynamit shining through the city with a little funk and sou light it up like dynamite whoa whoa cause i i i in the stars tonight so watch me bring the fire and set th night alight shining through the city with a little funk and soul light it up like dynamite whoa whoa [cheers and applause] jimmy my thanks to bts stick around for another fantastic bts performance later in the show. More tonight show after the break everybody. Dynanana, nana, nana,eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh light it up, dynamite shining through the city with a little funk and soul so ima light it up like dynamite cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul im a light it up like dynamite, whoa being able to order stuff online it helps out a lot. We get to use that time that we would be at the grocery store. That time is priceless. I have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. Now, theres skyrizi. 3 out of 4 people achieved 90 clearer skin at 4 months after just 2 doses. Skyrizi may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms such as fevers, sweats, chills, muscle aches or coughs, or if you plan to or recently received a vaccine. Nothing is everything ask your dermatologist about skyrizi. Only lexus asks questions like these, because we believe the most amazing machines are inspired by you. Experience the rewards of our curiosity. Goldwe believe intriana good we can all afford. Sing it, yeah, yeah from a lighter load on the planet. All gold to e to shoes with a lighter footprint. Yeah, good to me jimmy our first guest is a a fourtime emmy winning actor who you can see in the new netflix film the boys in the band starting this wednesday. Here is jim parsons. Hello, jim hi, jimmy how are you . Jimmy you look great you look really good too. I like this casual thing you have going jimmy oh, thank you. Youre welcome. Jimmy i always love seeing you and we always talk about new york city, because i know youre back in the city. Yeah. Jimmy and i want to say i heard this before, right before the interview, but i didnt know that you had covid at one point. Well, not everybody did but i figure, you know, why not talk about it with you on television jimmy wow. Yeah. We had it. Todd and i both had it early on it was, like, middle of march. And we didnt know what im sorry. Im putting the dog down we didnt know what it was we thought we had colds. And, then, it seemed less likely and then, finally, we lost our sense of smell and taste and we were like jimmy you did. Yeah. Utterly. And it defied the descriptions for me i didnt realize how completely taste and smell could be gone. And when youre in quarantine, and there is really nothing to do but eat, oh, my god that was brutal. Im so, you did like eating anything or just like everything was just gross oh, no. I ate everything, but i just didnt taste it. You know it was the definition of wasted calories jimmy right, yeah. Im so happy that you guys are back to being healthy. Yeah, me too. Jimmy how did you stay busy once you felt better well, i tried other creative outlets because acting obviously wasnt happening and i took a painting class for a while. I took a creative writing class for a while. And everything petered out i dont know if the truth is, well youre just an actor and thats what you do and thats what you should do, or if it is just i really dont have the see through stick toitness for anything its sort of embarrassing but here i am. Jimmy everyone went through phases i know you went through a blonde phase in quarantine look at this wow. I did jimmy i like it. What made you want to bleach your hair . Well, i had dealt with bleached products who says bleached products . I had bleached my hair like a bottle job off and on in my 20s, and it had been so long since id done it, for obvious reasons, work and the show, and i kept thinking im going to do it now that the show is over but im going to do it right im going to have somebody do it where it looks natural or whatever and then quarantine hit, and i thought, well i guess im not doing it then about six weeks in and wed been sick i was like, screw it lets just buy some crap and todd did it. Jimmy yeah it took about six hours it burned my scalp but you know what . Beauty is pain or the mediocre look jimmy there is that one minute right where you go am i going to fry all my hair off whats happening yes jimmy lets wash it out because its not working something is happening you know this feeling very well, obviously. Jimmy unfortunately, i think we have it in the control room thats me. Oh, jimmy, yes. What is this for jimmy this is for a movie called factory girl. Yes i remember seeing you like this absolutely right jimmy i was in the neighborhood it was so at the time you can take it off the screen now its just terrrible. They kind of left it up a little too long, there hold it hold it. Jimmy someone up there is like, yeah, ill get him. I thought oh, my character had blonde hair. I go, i can do that. And it just came out completely orange and it was i dont think it looks that bad. I say it because it doesnt look that different from mine. So, looks pretty good. Jimmy i like the way it is now. Professional yeah, they fixed iti w have here in new york which i never needed before, but i threw on a mask and was like, i need help please. Oh, god. Jimmy i remember when we were talking when you were on the show and we showed a photo of you when you first got to new york city, and i think you were blonde then as well yeah thats it. See i told you my 20s were a time of bleached hair and sleeping on couches yes, that was my first trip to new york jimmy times square that is times square, isnt it oh, my god yeah jimmy i know, i know im sorry. Take that photo off, too please reminisce too much my gosh. I havent seen you since the Big Bang Theory ended. Yeah. Jimmy it was the first time for you, probably, in a long time that you werent doing it was it weird yeah, it was weird. Its been really hard to decide what is big bang being gone and what is now being stuck in this weird time of quarantine, like, the whole world is in this weird time. Yeah, the weirdest part for me was the way and im sorry this sounds morbid but it reminds me of when someone dies or a pet passes and it feels so monumental in the moment and you think, well, this will never end. Then one day you kind of look up and oh, nine months have gone by. Okay i guess life carries on. I mean, not that it wasnt it wasnt i mean, it was bittersweet when it ended, but it was fine. Jimmy yeah a lot of people were talking on the internet how they think sheldon would handle the pandemic what do you think hed be doing . He was built for this i mean, this is the moment he was waiting for. I was saying earlier we had an entire episode, which i didnt think about until recently, where he did like a shellbot where he had a video screen on a

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