Oklahoma, and drew a smaller than expected crowd. Yeah, ill say this doesnt even look like a rally. This looks like the meeting to plan the rally all right, dave, youre in charge of lights and, bob, your team will handle sound. Okay, everybody. Everybody good lets rehearse the water drinking good job all right. I mean, still looks like a huge effort mentally. But, you know, its definitely progress during his Campaign Rally on saturday night, President Trump said that he told officials in administration to slow down coronavirus testing because of the rising number of cases so they slowed it down the best way they knew how. By adding a ramp [ laughter ] during his Campaign Rally in tulsa over the weekend, President Trump referred to the coronavirus as the, quote, kung flu. Man, just when you thought he couldnt get any worse why did you think that President Trumps Campaign ManagerBrad Parscale yesterday denied reports that antitrump people in social media were responsible for the lower than expected turnout for last weekends tulsa rally. So youre saying the truth is, trump just isnt as popular as you thought . Good save, brad. Classic brad save. New york congresswoman alexandria ocasiocortez tweeted this weekend about President Trumps rally in tulsa and called it a white supremacist headliner has been accused of sexual harassment. In his new book, former National Security adviser john bolton reportedly said President Trump is, quote, stunningly uninformed. Said trump, john bolton never heard of him so, now whos stunningly uninformed . In a new interview, white house trade adviser Peter Navarro said that the Trump Administration is preparing for a potential second wave of coronavirus in the fall. They say that with good planning and a little luck, theyre pretty sure they can cause one a man in spain recently broke a Guinness World record by riding a stationary exercise bike for almost 300 consecutive hours and he owes it all to his new spin instructor. Thats a saw joke. [ laughter ] thats a 2020 according to a new report, Grocery Stores are looking to find creative ways to reinvent salad bars and selfservice hot food buffets amid the coronavirus pandemic all i can say is, i hope youre good at the claw machine only one crouton . Ill let you know that one crouton cost me an hour and 60 in quarters. So maybe just enjoy it, leslie. Producers of the soap opera the bold and the beautiful have announced that in an effort to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, they will use a female blowup doll to shoot love scenes why just the love scenes theyre made for dramatic reactions. Watch this cassandra, i have something to tell you this whole time ive been your long lost brother jake [ dramatic music ] we have fun. Pixar has announced a new partnership with reebok to offer furry, seth. Pixar has announced a new partnership [ laughter ] pixar has announced a new partnership with reebok to offer new toy story themed instapump fury og woody and buzz sneakers. To infinity and beyond [ laughter ] you can either white flash phase or just let me die on the vine here pixar has announced a new partnership with reebok to offer new toy story themed instapump fury og woody and buzz sneakers. To infinity and [ laughter ] i dont understand any of these words. Pixar has announced a new partnership with reebok to offer new toy story themed instapump fury og woody and buzz sneakers. To infinity and beyond, said the price tag. [ laughter ] oh, guys, its so its a hundred degrees right now in here its a hundred degrees and my makeup the kind woman, sarah, who does my makeup on the show, i told her how hot it was. And she said, you know what you can do . This is a true thing she suggested to me. Get a bucket of ice and put your feet in it [ light laughter ] while youre filming you put your feet in ice and itll take longer for you to start sweating can you believe what were going through . I mean, look i get it i shouldnt complain, but im not doing it, by the way my feet [ sighing my feet arent nice right now, but they should be im so hot i am going to do that joke one more time, base, in case you want to lose all that. Pixar has announced a new partnership with reebok to offer new toy story themed instapump fury og woody and buzz sneakers. To infinity and beyond, said the price tag. [ laughter ] i think what . How am i supposed to do this to infinity and beyond, said the price tag. Oh, we dont have a second camera well, i think it wouldve been great. This has been this was the monologue has come to a close. We got a great show for you tonight. Well have a Second Chance theatre where saturday night live sketches that were cut from dress rehearsal get a Second Chance. Tonights is called unicorn, and it stars Jason Sudeikis and mike obrien, and, yes, maybe our own children well be right back with a closer look. To build unlimited right. You start with americas most awarded network, the one with unbeatable reliability 13 times in a row. This network is one less thing i have to worry about. vo then you give people more plans to mix and match so you only pay for what you need verizon unlimited plan is so reasonable, they can stay on for the rest of their lives. Awww. vo you include the best in entertainment and you offer it all starting at 35. Because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Only on verizon. Lets see. Its dry. Theres no dry time makes us wonder why we booked fifteensecond ad slots dries instantly and keeps you protected for fortyeighthours. For fortyeighthours. Liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. I wish i could shake your hand. Granted. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Is all about protecting one thing the fun anywhere under the sun fun. Sidewalk fun longlasting fun poolside fun. Banana boat sunscreen lasts as long as the fun does. Faced the competition and we broke through. Olays retinol24 complex hydrates better than the 100 retinol cream. Visibly smoother brighter skin in just 24 hours. Olay retinol24. hundred bands in my pocket, its on me on me yeah, your grandmama probably know me know me its a moment when i show up, got em sayin, wow new doritos flamin hot limon. vo jack was one of six millionp, pein need of a home. Ersw he found it in a boy with special needs, who also needed him. As part of our love promise, subaru and our retailers host adoption events and have donated 28 Million Dollars to support local animal shelters. Were proud to have helped over 230,000 pets so far. Changing the lives of dogs like jack, and the families who adopt them. Subaru. More than a car company. Seth the president held his first rally in months on saturday in an attempt to project political strength as his administration faces a series of crises instead, it was a flop and i should say i get that he wanted to go out and see people. Ive been in an attic for three months i miss not having guests zoom is great. Its not facetoface. But i deal with it, because there isnt a better option. Its not like theres a magic door behind me thatll send me a guest if i say their name three times. I dont know Ethan Hawke Ethan hawke ethan hawke right . I mean, that would be stupid but also, i mean, how cool would that be . With that said, you know, i havent totally hated the me time its definitely allowed me to get in touch with myself in a healthy way. And you know if a guest was here, theyd probably want to go on and on about whatever project they had and you know, i dont need that. Still, i dont think that would be the case with ethan hawke i mean, the ethan hawke does go on a bit does go on a bit but hes ethan hawke hes one of my alltime favorite actors love me some ethan hawke of course, knowing ethan, hed probably have some sort of psychopath man in the woods beard right now and wouldnt be that camera ready. Yeah, all things all things considered, its good not having ethan hawke right now. Anyway, i know it was a long time ago, and i probably shouldnt even say this. I thought in dead poets when he stood on the desk and said, o captain, my captain, it was just a little, i dont know, showoffy it was a character seth anyway, its time for a closer look. Seth in this moment, protesters across the country are demanding an end to institutional racism and police brutality, the coronavirus pandemic is spiking in more than 20 states, our election infrastructure is falling apart, and millions of americans are camping out for hours just to file for unemployment amid a historic economic crisis i mean, look at this this is insane normally you only see people camped out on the sidewalk like this when theres a new iphone, or harry styles is hosting snl, an episode, by the way that i couldnt get tickets to, which is crazy, because i had a bit of a run there but this is truly, truly barbaric if youre a billion dollar corporation, you can just call up the government and get a loan you dont even need. But if you lose your job thanks to a pandemic the government failed to stop, you have to line up in the heat for hours like youre waiting for a portapotty at ozzfest and, as ozzy himself would say, our country is goin off the rails on a crazy train yes. Anyway, i just hope its not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate that was for older brothers born between, what . 63 and 71 . The point is were in a moment of acute national crisis, thanks in large part to the malign negligence of this taxidermied business husk. Wow. Howd the sales trip go, willy loman . I hope biff didnt wander in on you and a strange woman. That would send him in a long tailspin what happened to you you look like you just coached the knicks to a 50point loss. You should be standing next to jack lemmon begging for the glengarry leads. We should never have to see the president in such a pathetic state. Its embarrassing. The president is supposed to project confidence and strength. Trump, on the other hand, looks like a drunk Wedding Guest shuffling back to the marriott or was it a hyatt . This is like when you stay up past your bedtime and catch a glimpse of your dad coming home late from work totally somehow, this is the perfect image to sum up the Trump Presidency now we just have to change the president ial seal to a drunk eagle snoozing in a barcalounger with a beer in one hand and a Remote Control in the other. And i know i know eagles hands are called claws i made a mistake but, as tempting [ laughter ] as tempt or maybe theyre called talons. I shouldve looked this up but, as tempting as it may be to think that trump somehow created all the problems our country is facing, he did not hes certainly made them worse, and, in many cases, profited from them. But the structural inequities and institutional failures were seeing right now long predated him. They were created, in part, by guys like Johnny Bolton over here, the exNational Security adviser, who refused to testify in trumps impeachment, and is now hawking a book called mustache rides again. Or, wait, i think its called the trash behind the stache. No, wait, you know what, guys . I think its called boltin boltons butt ton of bull dung. Anyway, you can find it on amazon under the please light your money on fire instead section. John bolton is an unrepentant warmonger who has helped usher in some of the worst calamities of the last two decades, and who epitomizes our era of venal selfserving sociopaths burning everything down and then cashing in as they slink away. But, other than that, hes a great guy last night, bolton was on abc trying to sell his book about his time in the Trump White House. Trump, a man, lets not forget, he voted for and then lobbied to get a job with i dont think hes fit for office i dont think he has the competence to carry out the job. You supported donald trump during the 2016 election you watched his first 15 months in office. What did you think of the job h. Seth nah, i dont think you did. I dont think you made a mistake. I think youre a remora. You know, those little fish that swim alongside sharks and eat whatever they miss thats what all these Trump White House supporting cast members are. And then, when their bellies are full, they swim out of the white house and write a book called damn, that shark was crazy i think i made a mistake is not how you talk about enthusiastically supporting and working for a racist authoritarian whos trampling our democracy for his own selfinterest. Thats what you say when you get the dominos order and realize it has peppers instead of pepperoni. Ah, dammit. I think i made a mistake i meant to get pizza, but instead i ordered dominos. Bolton didnt make a mistake he saw trump in 2016, and throughout the first half of his presidency, promising to rip up the iran deal and to kill the families of terrorists and banning of muslims and he thought he could use trump to get what he wanted. It only backfired when he realized trumps like a tiger in a circus act he starts out friendly, but one wrong move, and he will lunge for your face. People like bolton are a big part of the reason were in this mess in the first place. And, on top of that, the structural inequities in our sham democracy ensure that a party with a disastrous 20year record of governance over the course of two historically awful president s can keep winning elections. They dont need to be popular if Voter Suppression and an Antiquated Electoral College system can keep them in power. And, sure enough, the trump team is already sending signals that they plan to interfere with the Actual Administration of the election this weekend, for example, the attorney general bill barr repeated a series of obvious lies about mailin voting, which many state officials, including republicans, have turned to as a safe alternative during the pandemic barr claimed falsely that mailin ballots somehow open the floodgates to fraud. Well, theres a big discussion right now about mailin voting yeah. Hillary clinton said its fine, its fair. Well, it absolutely opens the floodgates to fraud. Those things are delivered in mailboxes. They can be taken out. Theres questions about whether or not it even denies a secret ballot, because a lot of the states have you signing the outside of the envelope. So, the person who opens the envelope will know how people voted. Theres no right now a foreign country could print up tens of thousands of counterfeit ballots and be very hard for us to detect which was the right and which was the wrong ballot so i think it can it can upset and undercut the confidence in the integrity of our elections. Seth you know what upsets the confidence in the integrity of our elections people having to stand in line to vote like theyre waiting to take pictures with a mall santa on december 23rd of course, if bill barr was in charge, theyd have to line up on august 8th. Second, none of what you said is true you cant just print up fake mail ballots and send them in. You know they still check to make sure theyre from registered voters, right its not like you can just write on a piece of paper i vote for joe exotic and send it to the board of elections although, honestly, at this rate, im desperate enough to try it hey, i think hes learned his lesson i saw some real growth from joe and then this morning, trump himself tweeted, because of mailin ballots, 2020 will be the most rigged election in our nations history. Theyre trying to cheat by disrupting the Actual Administration of the election, and thats because theyre so worried that if voters get to vote fairly, he wont win. Donald trump is now and has always been a historically unpopular president. Hes just been able to mask his unpopularity and soothe his ego with large crowds at his mosh pit Group Therapy sessions, which is why his rally in tulsa on saturday, his first in months, was planned as a big show of political strength never mind the fact that tulsa is a coronavirus hot spot with spiking numbers that have alarmed local Health Officials trump disregarded that just to make himself feel better beforehand, trump aides told cnn that the rally wasnt just about politics it was about something far more important giving trump the adulation he craves and reenergizing him after weeks spent wallowing in sagging poll numbers and critical Media Coverage i guarantee you, after saturday, if everything goes well, hes going to be in a much better mood you know what else is good for that prozac you can just slip some into his hamburger. You know, the way youd give pills to a dog or slap a label on the bottle that says hydroxychloroquine. This stuff cures neverything. Think about that the president held an indoor rally at a coronavirus hot spot, putting peoples lives at risk, just to make himself feel better cant we just get that truck back to the white house lawn and let him honk the horn a few times . Do you feel better, mr. President . I am feeling a little bit better. At this rate, he should be doing his rallies on a fainting couch while a doctor takes notes still, there you go. The president s aides said saturdays rally will put him in a much better mood and, clearly, trump was looking forward to it, because he spent all week bragging about the number of people who had rsvpd. They have a new, a pretty new magnificent arena, as you probably have heard. And were getting exact numbers out. But were either close to or over one Million People wanting to go. We have a 22,000seat arena. But i think were going to also take the Convention Hall next door thats going to hold 40,000. So well have 22,000 plus 40,000 which would mean we would have over 900,000 people that wont be able to go, but hopefully theyll be watching. But its an amazing nobodys ever heard of numbers like this. Seth you got to love how trump thinks his success is the situation in which 90 of his suppor