Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240712 :

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240712

The Police Station so, jeff parks his car at the gas station at the end the alley so that i can run out, go pick up krasney and take her back to the car. Im freaking thrilled. I hadnt seen her in years so, we were all going to go have dinner and catch up. Now, i get out of the car and go down the alley and because jeff is watching me, i skip down the alley to her house to make him laugh, you know but little did i know, skipping down a Police Station alley is a big nono. Because i end up skipping towards a cop car thats driving at me down the alley the sirens go off. A cop gets out and his gun is drawn. And he goes, put your hands on the hood of the car put your hands on the hood this man is furious. I comply and his partner pats me down now this man is livid. It makes no sense. His anger level towards me is insane i am a young, adorable, delight literally skipping down the street and ive infuriated him so, this man asked me, where are you coming from . And i go, amsterdam. Now this answer enrages him. And he goes, no, where are you coming from right now . Where are you coming from . And i go, from the airport. From a flight. From amsterdam. And he goes, why in the world are you running down this alley . I go, im not running, im skipping im happy to be back in town im going to pick up my friend krasney and take her back to jeffs car and were all going to catch up over dinner. And i remember, oh, thank god, jeff is here i gesture back to jeff jeff is standing outside of his car just watching all of this. And he goes so, the cop and i see jeff, and thank god jeff didnt come running up to us, because he could have gotten us both shot but the cop sees that jeff, a white man, has seen all this, and he changes his attitude with the quickness. Hes suddenly professional instead of antagonistic. He tells me that i was wrong for running. And it takes everything in me not to tell him that if i wanted to run down the alley, that that would be perfectly legal. So, instead i also gently remind him that i was not running, i was skipping so the cop gets in his car and he leaves. And i walk to krasneys house. I get her. We take her back to the car. Jeff is really bothered by what happened, but im not. [ bleep ] that man could have shot me in a second. People who know me would be running around talking about, attacking an officer doesnt seem like something amber would do, but the officer said she did, so that has to be what happened. So the second i see krasney, i feel a lot better. And we go, and we have a lot of fun that night and if you think about it, its kind of my duty to have fun because at any time, i could get murdered by the police now, every black person i know has stories like that. [ sighs its crazy that people dont run around telling everyone these stories all the time but, theres this unspoken rule that black people are supposed to take it in stride can you imagine having someone pull a gun on you and being expected to take it in stride . Now, imagine a bunch of incidents like that over one lifetime multiply that by 43 million africanamericans, and that is why things are like this right now. That is why people are angry and if youre not angry, why not . Seth thank you, amber. You may have noticed we did not have an opening title sequence with the 8g band playing our theme. Today is blackout tuesday where the Music Industry has chosen to pause for a day to silently protest Police Violence in the Africanamerican Community so when you notice that it seems quiet for a variety show, please take that time to think about why. On our show tonight, we will talk to Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms whose city is one of the many across the country that is experiencing this crisis. And my dear friend leslie jones will be here and i cant wait to see her and get her perspective. But first, and this might be crazy, im going to try and actually do a monologue. Seth before i start tonight, you might be thinking, seth looks old. And i want you to know, its not just because the news is aging me, which it is. An hd camera yesterday, and let me tell you, the camera adds ten pounds, the hd camera adds ten years. I really miss how the ipad i was using gave me that soft, Barbara Walters focus. And look, im not saying im as respected as Barbara Walters, im saying i should be im sorry. Im just angry, because barbara called me a few years ago and i thought it was to be on her 10 most fascinating people special. But instead, it was for a special called 10 people youd be fine next to you at a dinner party, but who arent going to blow you away. Lets get to the news. President trump yesterday delivered an address from the rose garden about the ongoing protests against Police Violence, specifically obamas address. Now go get him. President trump yesterday, delivered an address from the rose garden about the ongoing protests against Police Violence and called himself, the quote, president of law and order even though Lennie Briscoe won the popular vote everybodys favorite, Lennie Briscoe by the way, if trump is the president of law and order, jared is the guy they arrest ten minutes in and youre like, so obvious. But then he has an alibi and it turns out it was the wife ivanka, how could you do it . I had to because you didnt have the guts very good ivanka. President trump yesterday walked from the white house to a nearby Historic Church and posed for photos with a bible. But why is he holding it like that its the bible, not an auction paddle looks like a Camp Counselor going through lost and found at the end of the summer. Is this anybodys book . No pictures in it so its certainly not mine he knows what im talking about. Going once going all right, into the trash it goes, you guys. President trump traveled to florida this weekend to watch the spacex launch from Cape Canaveral and as usual, couldnt resist ruining the countdown. 17, 12, 45 this is the best part. According to a new poll, 79 of americans dont feel safe traveling by subway amid the coronavirus pandemic whereas under normal circumstances, that number is more like 79 . Yesterda anniversary of cnns debut wow, 40 years. So that means one of the first things they ever covered was his inauguration today was National Leave the office early day. So i, left in march. And finally, new yorks metropolitan opera announced yesterday that it had canceled its fall season due to the coronavirus pandemic, but remains hopeful it will be able to hold a new years eve performance. Officials say they want to end the year on a hi nghe. Ot followed by a low note followed by a really high note and then a low one again that was a monologue we tried well be right back with a closer look. Subaru crosstrek. Dog tested. Dog approved. Now, theres skyrizi. I have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis. 3 out of 4 people achieved. 90 clearer skin at 4 months. After just 2 doses. Skyrizi may increase your risk of infections. And lower your ability to fight them. Before treatment your doctor should check you for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection. Or symptoms such as fevers,. Sweats, chills, muscle aches or coughs. Or if you plan to or recently received a vaccine. I feel free to bare my skin. Visit skyrizi. Com. We all know customers can save big. [ cellphone chimes ] um, so, were talking 24 7 protection. As it [ cellphone chimes ] [ clears throat ] mara, hello. [ cellphone clicking ] yeah . We can see you on your phone. Oh, my bad. You can continue. [ clicking continues ] [ cellphone chimes ] i think shes still on the phone. [does your deodorant protect you all day . We put dove men care to the test with mike who transforms homes for those in need. I feel comfortable and protected all day long. Dove men care 48h freshness with triple action moisturizer. Seth the president of the United States threatened to unleash the military on american citizens protesting the Brutal Police murder of george floyd. For more on this, its time for a closer look. Seth Donald Trumps speech last night was one of the most menacing moments in his 3 1 2 years as president and thats saying a lot given that he is always menacing remember during the debates when he stalked Hillary Clinton like a naked and afraid contestant trying to sneak up on a bird i mean, half the time it looks like hes on a chain in the front yard scaring away a mailman. He only has two modes, menacing sociopath or limp french fry thats been sitting in the bottom of the bag soaking up all the oil. And last night he cycled through both of them he turns threatening to unleash the military on american citizens within our borders, and at other times, listlessly reading on off a teleprompter like he just finished a thanksgiving meal of turkey with sudafed stuffing America Needs creation, not destruction. Cooperation, not contempt. Security, not anarchy. Healing, not hatred. Justice, not chaos seth coke, not pepsi. Mcdonalds, not wendys. Pizza hut, not dominos. But if theres no pizza hut, dominos is fine. Hes reading a speech in the middle of a National Crisis like a 13yearold reading from the torah at a bar mitzvah can someone at least show him these speeches before he reads it cold off a teleprompter like hes getting his vision tested at the dmv e, s, m, q. Oh, we love q. Oh, we love the q, dont we, folks . So many great words use the q. Quiznos. Hydroxychloroquine quick but when he wasnt mindlessly reading off empty platitudes, he was adopting a much darker and more sinister tone, threatening to sic the military on american citizens, and violently crack down on a nationwide protests over the murder of yet another unarmed black man at the hands of police. Today i have strongly recommended to every governor to deploy the National Guard in sufficient numbers that we dominate the streets mayors and governors must establish an overwhelming Law Enforcement presence until the violence has been quelled. If a city or state refuses to take the actions that are necessary to defend the life and property of their residents, then i will deploy the United States military and quickly solve the problem for them seth i know our brains have all melted from the constant flagrant lawlessness and overall weirdness of this administration and nothing feels real anymore and were all just programmed to move on to the next thing, because trump will inevitably do something bizarre the next day, like throw a tantrum in the rose garden or rub up against the flag like a horny 16yearold at prom but this is a horrifying moment. You know how for 3 1 2 years everyone was warning about the inevitable worstcase scenario where our democracy crumbles and our country descends into authoritarianism that worstcase scenario is here, its happening youre not going to get an invitation in the mail asking you to rsvp to the democracy is over party. Theres no on off switch democracy, it turns out, is on a dimmer this is what it looks like in fact, last night police violently attacked Peaceful Protesters lawfully exercising their First Amendment rights just so trump could walk over to a church for a photo op. Within the last 15 minutes, mounted police have been coming down the street. Youre going to see them in the frame now, using flashbangs in entirely peaceful protest. Not 98 . [ bangs not 99 , but 100 peaceful [ explosions ] protest here today people throwing [ explosions ] there was no throwing of water bottles. There was no throwing of objects. [ explosions ] but a short time ago, mounted Police Officers have been clearing the street. Tony, if you can pan to the right i want to show the military police we live in a thirdworld country i want to show the military police on the side of the street over the last half hour, weve had military police. Weve had secret Service Officers weve had park police. And now weve had National Guardsmen you can see these officers aiming at the protesters who are here in the park seth military police in your country attacked Peaceful Protesters, not looters, to stop them from exercising their First Amendment rights trump couldnt have done more damage to the constitution last night if hed pulled a Sinead Oconnor and ripped it up on Live Television and then ate the pieces this moment probably seemed far off when the extent of trumps lawlessness was just paying off porn stars or colluding with russia or sending the soviet super mario brothers over here to get ukraine to interfere in our election but he got away with all of that he got away with all of that and now the moment has arrived because the only lesson trump has learned through all of this is he can get away with whatever he wants the president used police to violently attack a peaceful protest just so he could walk over to a church where even the clergy fiercely condemned him. And hold up a bible in front of the cameras like a fourth grader who forgot about show and tell until the last minute. You can tell hes a man of faith from the way he holds the bible like hes selling it on qvc. It wasnt even his, and he didnt seem to know where it came from. A reporter asked him about it, and this was his answer. Reporter is that your bible . Its a bible. Seth why so vague . Did you steal from it a hotel . He holds it like hes never held a bible before in his life he probably doesnt know how to read it either based on his grasp of christianity, he probably reads it upside down and backwards lots wife was a pillar of salt, but then she looked back at sodom, cured just like that. Clergy at the church denounced trumps actind his use of the church for a photo op. And in case you think maybe the people around trump will just ignore his lawless authoritarianism, the chairman of the joint chiefs, a fourstar general, was patrolling the streets of d. C. Last night the defense secretary told governors responding to protests that they, quote, need to dominate the battle space. A u. S. Senator was calling on the president to send in lethal military units to subdue protesters and military helicopters also performed a show of force maneuver that is often used in combat zones to scare away insurgents theyre treating protesters like insurgents honestly, how long until trump coasts down pennsylvania avenue on top of a tank in a mouse suit and a bunch of gadhafi scarves what were seeing now is part the result of a cultlike political ideology that venerates violence and briefly elevated an authoritarian strongman who openly fantasizes about Armed Conflict for as long as hes been a public figure, trump has also been an armchair thug who glorifies violence for example, and this is a true story, trump used to fast forward through [ bleep ] Jeanclaude Van Damme movies so he could just watch the violent parts without any plot a new yorker writer who traveled with trump on his plane in the 90s wrote that he brought along michael, a recent release, but 20 minutes after popping it into the vcr, he got bored and switched to an old favorite, a Jeanclaude Van Damme slugfest called bloodsport which he pronounced an incredible, fantastic movie by assigning to his son the task of fast forwarding through all the plot exposition trumps goal being to get this twohour movie down to 45 minutes he eliminated any lulls between the nosehammering, kidneytenderizing and shinwhacking. Trump brought along a vcr copy of the 1996 movie michael starring John Travolta as an archangel whose main mission on earth is to get the two main characters to fall in love and he bailed after 20 minutes hes an angel i thought this was about a man pigeon the cover looks like a man pigeon oh, i mean, just imagine the damage a man pigeon would do. Also, what part of bloodsport could he even be fast forwarding through anyway was there a subplot in bloodsport im not remembering where van damme gives up nunjitsu to focus on his love of pottery making thats why he sits around barfing up psychotic tweets where he threatens protesters with vicious dogs and ominous weapons. Remember, this is a guy who also emulates dictators, who praised china for the Tiananmen Square massacre, and who has repeatedly claimed hes the most militaristic person whos ever existed, whatever the hell thats supposed to mean. I am the most militaristic person i would say i am the most militaristic person on that stage. I am the most militaristic person youve ever had on your show believe me, okay im the most militaristic person ever i am the most militarybased and the most militaristic person on your show. Seth all right, first of all, its just, you know, an insane thing to brag about even actual military people dont call themselves militaristic its their job, not their entire personality. Chefs dont describe themselves as being very knifeoriented second, youre not you just arent. You were never in the military, you dodged the draft, and you cant even stand upright you love the military the way you love the constitution and the bible, only when it serves you, and that is not love. Which you would know if you [ bleep ] finished michael. He had a message for you and now were seeing what happens when a rottenbrained boomer who glorifies violence is in charge of the most powerful military in the world. Yesterday, he shout at governors on a phone call that they needed to dominate protesters with mass arrests. You have to dominate. If you dont dominate, youre wasting your time. Theyre going to run over you. Youre going to look like a bunch of jerks you have to dominate and you have to arrest people. And you have to try people and they have to go to jail for long periods of time youre making a

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