Fighting, but its probably the air conditioner. Lets get to the news. When asked, in a new interview, if he had told staff to slow down coronavirus testing, President Trump said, quote, if we did slow it down, we wouldnt show nearly as many cases. The guy is so bad at lying thats like if your parents asked are you high, and you said, you know, marijuana is legal in several states. Following President Trumps use of the offensive phrase kung flu to describe the coronavirus, White House Press secretary Kayleigh Mcenany defended trump yesterday and said trump is, quote, linking it to its place of origin. The same reason trump refers to mcenany as liar factory. President trump gave a speech today in arizona to a group of young republicans. Of course, in arizona, the term young republican refers to anyone whos only wearing one knee brace a megachurch in phoenix is facing skepticism ahead of President Trumps visit after it claimed to have installed a ventilation system that, quote, kills 99. 9 of covid within ten minutes, which sounds crazy but its still the most believable thing thats ever been said in a megachurch. Yall, the lord wants me to have a private jet. Why would a talking toaster lie to me . The Aerospace CompanyVirgin Galactic announced a new partnership with nasa yesterday to train astronauts for trips to the International Space station. Though there hasnt been much interest yet for the trip back President Trump announced today that anyone who vandalizes monuments or statues on federal property will face penalties of up to ten years in prison. This after he saw a very disturbing documentary seth in a new interview with fox news, President Trump claimed that former National Security adviser john boltons memoir contains classified government information oh please, you didnt make it past page two. Um, copyright 2020, classified. Published by simon and schuster, definitely shouldnt be telling people that. Schusters happily married ive seen enough. Today was International Widows day, shouted a dj whos still getting back into the swing of things the house. Im sorry. I havent been out ive been home and its just its different at home today was also national hydration day. It comes after 100 straight dehydration days and finally in an effort to create a more sustainable menu, starbucks has announced it will expand the availability of oat milk its just one of the many options theyll always be out of that was a monologue and no crash, so maybe someones a little bit handier than everyone in this family has made him feel that he actually is we got a great show for you tonight. Shes got a new book, life will be the death of me . And you too Chelsea Handler will be here and you know Andrew Rannells from book of mormon, hbos girls, falsettos, and hamilton. Hes currently starring in the Second Season of black monday, which starts sunday on showtime. Plus, well have music from nasty c and t. I. But first so i was staring at the wall earlier today, thinking about migrating tree frogs, and [ sniffs at air wait, im sorry, i could be wrong here, but i think i smell some smoke and that can only mean two things one, my kids have started another fire in the playroom but more likely, its time for ya burnt seth welcome to the burn zone we got a lot of topics to sizzle through, but not a lot of time over here is the burner, lets turn on the gas and load her up. Ow, hoohoo. Simon says, ouch first up, Jigsaw PuzzlesJigsaw Puzzles, youre like the condom of the hobby world. I can only use you once, and then i have to throw you away. But hey, who doesnt love spending dozens of excruciating hours painstakingly solving the mystery of what that picture on the front of the box would look like if it were slightly bigger and missing a few pieces Jigsaw Puzzles, try putting this together, ya burnt zoom graduations youre about as much fun as a wedding at the dmv look, if i didnt want to wear pants to graduation, i would have gone to umass sideburn, umass. Side burn seth graduations are not meant to be held in front of a computer at home theyre meant to be held outside in the sweltering humidity, wearing a cheap black robe that heats up to 150 degrees while the fourth lead from the mentalist tells you to follow your dreams. Zoom graduations, dont forget to wear sunscreen, cause, ya burnt home haircuts step aside the rachel 2020s all about the chuck todd side burn, chuck todd. Tiny bangs, big attitude. Seth everybodys home haircut looks like their stylist slipped on a banana peel midstroke also, stop saying, its just hair, itll grow back. Try telling that to howie mandel also, i tip my cap, howie, you were way ahead of the curve on germs. Fist bump. Home haircuts, snip this, ya burnt frontfacing celebrity videos somebody needs to throw an ice bucket challenge all over this trend. But, thank you for raising awareness about your total lack of selfawareness these videos answer the question, what could be less helpful than a gop congressman tweeting, thoughts and prayers . also, not to make too big a deal about it, but how come nobody asked me to be in one . Im a cool guy i like to sing id be good, trust me. Watch. It hurts my feelings when you dont ask me to be in your video. Ya burnt seth classic novels hey classic novels, did you really think i was going to read you . The only reason people are buying you during the quarantine is so we have something impressive to put on the shelves behind us during tv appearances. It was the best of times and the worst of times . If you didnt have murder hornets, it wasnt the worst of times. If i wanted some pride and prejudice, id just listen to a trump speech easy burn seth and yeah, i have a great expectation. Im gonna read two pages, chuck it across the room, and binge the new season of queer eye again. Plus, if i wanted to spend two years reading something, id ask for a menu at a greek diner off the jersey turnpike. Hyperspecific burn. Ill take the stuffed grape leaf summer pancakes please. Seth classic novels, ya long, ya old, and ya burnt homeschooling ah, homeschooling the only way to guarantee your kids get a solid 45 minutes of education a day. Well actually, when you subtract the time it takes to logon and logoff, its more like 35 minutes and then, oh my god, all the times you have to close the zoom app when your wifi freezes its like 15 minutes its 15 minutes, its five minutes. Five minutes and now your kids know that you top out at a fifth grade math level. Theres only so many times i can say, well, if i told you the answer, thatd be cheating without sounding suspicious. Kids, youre gonna learn this eventually, so i might as well tell you now you will never never need to know what time two trains going different speeds will enter a station. All train schedules are posted online its just not a life skill you need you want a train tip you can use . Dont carry a coffee down the aisle of a moving acela amtrak train. Also, homeschooling, my boys are missing out on so much by not being around their classmates. Now, whos going to taunt them by saying, isnt your dad that snowflake cuck soy boy from tv . Well, my wife still says it, but at this point, nobody hears her. Its like white noise. Homeschooling, time to subtract yourself, because ya burnt hey, funny zoom backgrounds, sure, you were a blast for that first week, but you know, enough already. We know the inside of your house looks like act one of a hoarders episode just own it. Do you know what a funny zoom background really says i dont want coworkers to see my fight club poster. Funny zoom backgrounds are just a consolation prize for coworkers who can no longer quote family guy in the break room giggitygiggity seth hey funny zoom backgrounds, ya burnt. The spanish flu of 1918 its finally time to burn your ass we used to think you were the worst virus the world would ever see till corona came along youre the george w. Bush of pandemics. How the hell how the hell were they not social distancing in 1918 . Everyone knew like four people and married their cousin and why were you so deadly, anyway whats the deal, spanish flu was it because you were served tapas style on small, shared plates you know, it actually didnt originate in spain seth yeah, i mean, i know that but what do you care, are you from spain no, i did a semester abroad in barcelona seth the spanish flu of 1918, put your mask on ya burnt [ siren whoa, uhoh, that sound means things are really cooking up, which means its time for our speed round, the blaze things we realized we dont need during quarantine edition belts . Youre suspendered ya blazed. Alarm clock. Finally, someone to tell me when its time to move from bed to couch. Ya blazed. Three meals a day . Im having one meal a day. It starts at 8 00 a. M. And it ends at midnight ya blazed. Denim . More like dontneedum. Ya blazed. Shaving. Are you me in high school . Because nobody wants to do you ya blazed. Also muh blazed that was me blazed, but fast audiences, nobody missed your silent reaction to my terrible denim joke ya blazed. People who have never had a day of hardship in their life, but caption instagram pics with a little bit of normalcy in all the craziness. [ buzzer ] aw that buzzer means weve run out of time. This has been, ya burnt. What is this what oh, my gosh. What do you have to say for yourself ya burnt. Seth thats right. We have had, for 100 days, firemen costumes that weve been waiting for ya burnt to use. And now that moment has come axel, do you want to say it too . What do you want to say, axel . Ya burnt. Seth that was a really good ya burnt, axel well be right back with more late night. We stick together, for worse or for better yeah through any kind of weather, yo youre my friend in need. come on, come on we stick together, we make the sunshine brighter, we make it all feel better, youre my, youre my, woo, yeah youre my family. yo youre my family. 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Dive tums ver bell rings la stick kick. Flip. Dog. Dive when heartburn hits fight back fast. With tums chewy bites. Beat heartburn fast tums chewy bites where will you go first . Will it be familiar streets . Or perhaps unknown roads . Wherever you may go, lexus will welcome you back with exceptional offers. Find a lexus for every road at lexus. Com. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Seth our first guest tonight is a very funny comedian and author whose latest book, life will be the death of me . And you too is available in paperback now. Please head to bookshop. Org to find out where you can purchase chelseas book to support local independent bookstores and give back to the Book Community heres my conversation with Chelsea Handler. Chelsea, how are you hi. How are you . Seth im good. How has your quarantine been thus far ive been thriving during quarantine seth yeah. Ive really i think ive really hit my stride if somebody tells me i have to stay in, im like, okay, for how long . The first two weeks were a little bit like spring breaky. Seth yeah. Like, i got a little bit carried away seth uhhuh. Id wake up and just, like, take an edible at 9 00 a. M. And then seth sure. And then the day was just never going to go anywhere so after two weeks of that nonsense, i was like, okay, ive got to get my act together. I started having more zooms and i had to start being presentable. So, it all shook itself out. Seth you look very presentable now. So youve definitely rounded into a presentable shape you did have family you had family with you . I did my sister invaded my house with her three Adult Children and their two annoying dogs. And i said, come on down. They were in San Francisco and so they moved in so i had like a full Family Living in my house so i got to see my house, how it would be occupied, you know, if somebody with a family lived in it and they were here for two months and they just recently left. And im glad that they are gone. Seth yes but of course, theyre always welcome back [ laughter ] seth so, this doesnt sound like the time with them made you regret not having a family of your own to fill the house no. It confirmed my decision that ive been right this whole time and that having children not having children is one of my biggest strengths now. Seth yeah. I mean, i imagine that to be the case ive got a couple and i love them to death. But you know, just a little bit less each passing day. [ laughter ] well yeah, youre in the thick of it too. Plus, your baby was born in a lobby. So, i mean seth yeah. Thats what youre in store for. Who know what kind of trauma seth born in a lobby, raised in an attic. [ laughter ] hey, so we talked about your book when it came out last summer we talked about it in public in front of people, and it was very lovely and little did we know that you cant talk about anything in front of people in an auditorium or i guess we were at a High School Gym maybe or theatre. But this book, one of the things you talked about in this book, and its your sixth book, is you talk about going to therapy. Youre very open about it. And im wondering if the work you did there has been helpful in this time that has been, i think, mentally exhausting for so many people yeah. I think so, definitely i mean, i used to have no patience like, i had the shortest fuse. So and i would have never have been able to sit still for this long had i not been to therapy. I mean, i would have had to figure out a way, but it probably wouldve involved a lot of drugs, or alcohol or something. But this was a huge opportunity for all of us. And already, just the things that are being borne out of it is such a testament to us all just sitting down and shutting up you know, a lot of people werent comfortable and arent comfortable with that. And there seems to be so many things happening because we sat down you know, look at these protests and look whats resulted out of that you know, there seems to be all of these, like, signs of goodness that are happening even while all this crazy stuff is happening. And thats given me more optimism im just in general a more optimistic person because of therapy. Once i had to disassemble being a bitch i was like, okay, well, what is my personality because i am strong. And how do i get those opinions across without ostracizing people, you know, in a wellmannered way. So, yes, therapy has helped me immensely, seth. Seth im glad to hear it you talked about the protests. You talked about, you know, obviously, i think this is something the black community has been familiar with for a long time, and the White Community is sort of coming along to this understanding that there are real deepseated problems with the way we Police People in this country but you had done your documentary series on netflix. You had actually gone out and tried to inform yourself about this before we had this sort of moment in the wake of George Floyds murder. What did you find when you went out and did that work . Well, i did the documentary its called hello, privilege. Its me, chelsea, because i was having i did go to therapy, and i did kind of take a deep look at myself like, i was all of a sudden given the gift of selfawareness you know, so and through that lens, i was able to see how, like, how gilded my life has been, and how easy my accomplishments have been. And it made me question why, why didnt i ever have any real challenges you know yeah, you have struggles, but nothing to speak of things are kind of easy. And i was, like, what does that have to do with my skin color and what can i learn about that . And then, i thought, oh, no ones ever going to talk about this because people are so scared to talk about anything involving race and i, you know, am a firm proponent of the belief that its so important to have uncomfortable conversations. And since i have no problem being uncomfortable, as we all know, i was, like, ill do it, lets go do that. So i did it and i learned even on the first day i got in trouble. You know, i was doing something that i wasnt supposed to be doing. So it was a huge learning experience and yeah, it came out about a year ago on netflix. So it was a little i thought it was the moment. I thought this White Privilege conversation weve been having for ten years. But i think now, you know, now its become something that is not ever going to go in the opposite direction again seth yes, it does feel like weve hit critical mass. And it is nice when it is a really nice example of like looking back and saying, hey, who talked about this before we were all talking about this . And it is really nice that you have that piece of work that you can point to privilege isnt just, like, you know, i had the impression that privilege was onedimensional. Like, youre born into the Rockefeller Family like, i didnt think being a girl from new jersey with a father who was a used car dealer, and we didnt have a lot of money, was privilege. Like, i didnt understand that and i think thats the disconnect that a lot of white people are seeing now, that it doesnt mean that your life didnt have problems it means that your life didnt have the problems that people of color encounter every single day. Seth yeah. I think that everyones personal experience is life is hard no matter what your situat