From a guy who usually wants to keep the beaches closed for himself. President trump met with the governor of iowa today said trump, i know a lot about iowa in fact, iowea lot of contractors a lot of money. [ light laughter ] that was Brian Donaldson writing a really dumb joke that ill admit, i liked look, what am i going to say dumb is not a criticism of it. I love it for its dumbness the nasa administrator announced on twitter yesterday that the space agency will be partnering with Actor Tom Cruise to film a movie in space the weird thing is, its a sequel to jerry maguire. Show me the moon. Authority they might be getting dumber as we go. Authorities in louisiana are looking for an aggressive chicken that has chased customers at a local bank and attempted to climb cars in the drivethrough. Authorities advised, anyone that sees the chicken, to take a video, because theyre bored as hell and they would like to see that oh, this is Mike Scollins wrote the dumbest joke and im going to do the dumbest joke now its national pet week, though if pet week [ laughter ] sorry. Its national pet week, though if pet weak, maybe pet just hungry so for no reason so for no reason i now talk like the hulk for the stupid Mike Scollins joke and finally [ laughter ] and finally, starbucks announced yesterday that it plans to have 85 of the u. S. Locations im sorry, i screwed im still on a pet week high. Okay here we go and finally, starbucks announced yesterday that it plans to have 85 of its u. S. Locations open by the end of the week before everyone remembers you can just make coffee at home for nine cents look, it came off the rails, but it still counts as a monologue we got a great show for you tonight. Hes an iconic rapper and actor who has got a new film, the high note. Ice cube will be here. And well be talking to author Sarah Kendzior about her new book hiding in plain sight the invention of donald trump and the erosion of america. Its a New York Times bestseller, and im so excited to talk to her again well be right back with a closer look. What did verizon build their network for . People. And when people are depending on you to make an average of over 600 million calls and send nearly 8 billion texts every day. You do whatever it takes. Sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Its not athe venue. Ss. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. The cake. Or even the first dance. Its about love. And love cant wait. For help with your virtual wedding go to jared. Com dry spray dries in an instant. Leaving these men with nothing to do in this ad. Thankfully, weve got something to fill the time, instantly putting these guys back into their comfort zone. Dove dry spray dries instantly and keeps you protected for 48 hours. Only roomba uses 2 multisurface rubber brushes to clean all your floors. And with patented dirt detect technology, roomba finds dirt throughout your home. If its not from irobot, its not a roomba. We are running our covid19 Technology Response on teams. Teams has given us the possibility to continue to innovate. I can bring them in, i can actually share my screen and show the x rays. We can do that in a visit like this. Were living on teams. Its as simple as that. Seth hello, everyone, and welcome back to the attic. Last week you may recall we addressed speculation about the sudden disappearance of my copy of the thorn birds, the 1977 australian romance novel that inspired the hit 1983 mini Series Starring a frequently shirtless richard chamberlain. In 1983, it turns out that was the exact right amount of chest hair for a leading man chamberlain never would have survived in these hairless times were living in, where our sex symbols are all chris with chests smooth enough to eat off. Anyway, the point is, i left the window open overnight to get rid of the wasps but then the thorn birds flew out, we think, because its mating season but as you can see, the thorny is back and maybe with child impossible to tell meanwhile, the president is pregnant with rage thats a segue, a bad one, but technically still a segue and decided to give up in the fight against coronavirus in order to reopen the economy for more on this, its time for a closer look. Seth you would think that putting aside his venality, his narcissism, and his deadly incompetence, donald trump could at the very least muster a little empathy for the victims of this pandemic, their loved ones, and the millions who have put themselves in harms way, lost jobs, or made tremendous personal sacrifices during this crisis but of course he cant do that, because hes incapable of empathy. He only has two emotions boredom and rage hes either staring off into the distance while someone talks about complex policy details or hissing at reporters like a snake whose nest was just disturbed. In fact, just listen to the cold, detached way in which trump talked about allowing americans to die in order to reopen the economy and the 30 Million People who have lost jobs because of his handling of this crisis during an interview on abc yesterday reporter do you believe thats the reality were facing . That lives will be lost to reopen the country its possible there will be some, because you wont be locked into an apartment or a house or whatever it is. Reporter there are 30 million americans who are unemployed you dont need me to tell you that were expecting the new Unemployment Rate this week. There have been forecasts, 15, 16, 17 . One of your advisers projected an Unemployment Rate of 19 . Thats nearly one in five americans without a job. How bad is this going to get well, that is what it is. Seth wow what soaring words it reminds me of Martin Luther kings i slept pretty good last night speech or fdrs famous response when they told him about pearl harbor well, [ bleep ] happens. Usually when someone is that soulless and deadeyed, youre not asking them questions about the economy, youre holding up a rorschach test and what is this, donald . It is what it is. Very, very interesting. Okay, guards, you can put him back in his restraints now. Oh, i dont think the guards can hear you. Donald, what have you done . Yesterday trump also made his first major trip in months to tour a honeywell factory in arizona, a trip that gave us what may end up as one of the enduring images of this crisis trump toured a mask factory as his white house signaled they were basically just giving up on suppressing the coronavirus pandemic to focus on reopening the economy instead. And has he was doing that, someone chose to blast live and let die on the speakers the material traps the particulates live and let die seth wow welcome to the resistance, honeywell factory floor deejay doesnt get much more on the nose than that what were the other songs on that play list its the end of the world as we know i its the end of the worl as we know it seth you can hear all those classic hits and more on now thats what i call symbolism. Live and let die playing while trump tours a mask factory during a pandemic is the surest sign yet that were living in a video game and if we are in a video game, does anyone have the cheat code to get rid of wasps . Because i tried up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start, and that just made them angrier anyway, sure enough, during that same trip trump brushed off the growing death toll and said he was eager to force americans back to work prematurely, telling them to think of themselves as participants in an Armed Conflict and you see whats going on they have to open. And the people of our country should think of themselves as warriors our country has to open. Im viewing our great citizens of this country to a certain extent and to a large extent as warriors theyre warriors we cant keep our country closed we have to open our country. The people of our country are warriors and im looking at it. Im not saying anything is perfect. And yes, will some people be affected yes. Will some people be affected badly . Yes. But we have to get our country open and we have to get it open soon. And i said it before and ill say it again the people of our country are warriors seth thats right, trump wants you you to be a warrior while he sits safely in isolation in the white house i would join in, but i feel another bone spur coming on, which is devastating to me, because the last one happened right before the vietnam war i mean, what are the chances that it happens again now . I mean this is truly sadistic the president is telling you to go out and face off against a deadly virus all for the sake of the stock market the only way that could be more out of touch is if he said it while dousing himself in purell and holding a 36pack of toilet paper. Every day it seems we pass a grim new milestone in the coronavirus pandemic with more than 70,000 americans now dead and at least 30 million out of work, which, according to trump means its a perfect time to stand down and wrap things up. We cant keep our country closed for the next five years you know, you could say there might be a recurrence, and there might be and, you know, most doctors or some doctors say that it will happen and it will be a flame and were going to put the flame out weve learned a lot, you know. Weve learned a lot about the coronavirus. Seth first of all, who is we you havent learned anything whenever the doctors are up there talking, you do that thing where you zone out and sway back and forth like a drunk guy whos trying to pretend hes sober and then you get back up to the podium having only heard, like, three words and try to sound like you know whats going on. So what im hearing is what i grasped when the scientists were talking, is that powerful lights will cure the coronavirus and give you superpowers you know, i saw that in a documentary once only down turns you green thats the downside side effect. So still still pretty promising news. Youre incapable of learning you showed up to the cdc in atlanta surrounded by some of the best doctors in the world and all you did was hold up a printout of a virus like a kid who forgot to do his science project until the last minute. As you can see here, the virus is called wikipedia. Side effects include further reading and external links. Although actually i will give trump credit in the span of two months, he did at least learn one thing the name of the virus. So you cant put them down in the, uh, in the category of the overall population in terms of this, uh, corona flu seth yes, corona flu remember when a deadly virus was racing across the globe and the president was getting intelligence reports about it, and he got the name wrong, like the worst member of your bar trivia team . This english rock band is led by front man mick jagger. Oh, i know, its the rolling scones in america theyre called the rolling muffins. Thats an extra piece of trivia. Second, no one, and i mean no one, wants to keep the country closed for five years. It hasnt even been closed for five months and were already losing our minds i spend six hours a day washing my hands, i wipe down every package like its coated in anthrax. Ive watched so much netflix that my home page says we have nothing left for you try hulu . And ive inhaled so much lysol, my urine smells like lemon zest. No one wants to live like this in fact, we didnt have to lots of other major developed countries have successfully suppressed their outbreaks by acting early, testing aggressively, and implementing a system of isolating cases and tracing their contacts some never even had to fully lock down, and others have already reopened, like in south korea, where they had their first case on the exact same day we had ours. And while here in the u. S. , almost every day at least 25,000 new coronavirus cases are identified and in south korea, the rate of new confirmed cases of coronavirus has slowed down dramatically in recent weeks to less than ten a day. Of course if you pointed that out to trump, he probably wouldnt accept it its not a fair comparison. South korea is 13 hours ahead so, they had a jump on it. In fact, while were all stuck in our homes watching reruns of blue bloods at 2 00 in the afternoon, korean baseball is already back playing games, just without fans in fact espn is now airing them here in the u. S. , which has introduced us to some truly Incredible Team names like the nc dinos and the sk wyverns, which are mythical winged twolegged dragons with barbed tails. Last year they even used augmented reality to have a dragon fly into the stadium and breathe fire our baseball teams need more mascots like that. The only mythical creature we have is, i dont know, like an aardvark like a hairy aardvark who loves baseball hmm. Weve been highlighting Success Stories like that from south korea to iceland to new zealand to taiwan, because theyre out there. Etent governmt managed to suppress the reak claimed that, as he put it, the cupboards were bare when he took office three years ago and thats why hes failed to fight the virus. But in a new abc interview trump was asked why he didnt do anything to fix the situation. Reporter youre three years into your first term yeah. Reporter youre now applying for the job again. What did you do when you became president to restock those cupboards that you say were bare well, ill bees uh, i have a lot of things going on. Seth no, you dont all you do is watch tv, and r a of your straitjacket, tweet. And when youre not golfing, youre tweeting about golfing. Like on sunday when you retweeted a post from your golf course in scotland claiming they had been named best golf course in the uk and ireland by a european golf magazine so nice to see this great honor, thank you, but havent played golf in a long time. First of all, thats not true. Damn it, nationals you were suppo feelgood Team Everyone could be happy with over the cheating astros now, i mean, who are we supposed root for when baseball comes back, the mets i mean, theyre the only team thats doing better during quarantine pretty sure the last president they met with was William Henry harrison and then he died ten days later. That was the year mr. Met caught typhoid. And now, instead of taking any responsibility for the situation, trump and his toadies on state tv are whining that he hasnt gotten enough credit for only letting 70,000 americans die and 30 million lose their jobs, like human beer keg Jesse Watters on fox news this week can you imagine, greg, the media, how theyd sound if barack obama were president during the pandemic . It goes Something Like this. Barack obama, putting politics aside and sacrificing. The key to a successful reelection shut down the economy just in order to save lives. Thats what it would sound like. Now, i know the president s not going to get great coverage like that but the president just wants fair coverage, because he never got credit for winning the election they said russia cheated he never got credit for the economy. They said it was barack obamas. And hes not getting credit for anything, for ventilators, for flattening the curve seth my god, you sound like the whiniest pledge in sigma chi. The dean is shutting down our blackface party, completely ignoring the fact it was a fundraiser to help local cocaine dealers. The u. S. Is the richest and most powerful country on earth, and yet were also the epicenter of a deadly outbreak that has been suppressed in lots of other countries. And now the president wants to send you to war against the virus for the sake of the stock market but at least when he does send you to war, hell do so with this soaring battle cry. That is what it is. Seth this has been a closer look. Since this crisis started, weve been asking people to help city harvest, so please continue to give more and more new yorkers are turning to them to keep food on their tables theres website on your screen where you can donate well be right back with ice cube announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. These are extraordinary times, and we want to thank the Extraordinary People in the healthcare community, working to care for all of us. At novartis, we promise to do our part. As always, were doing everything we can to help keep cosentyx accessible and affordable. If you have any questions at all, call us, email us, visit us online. Were here to help support you when you need us. Take care, and be well. To learn more, call one eight four four cosentyx or visit cosentyx. 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An accurate count helps Public Health officials know who is at risk, and First Responders identify the resources they need to protect our communities. Complete your census at 2020census. Gov and help shape our future. Lets be honest. Quitting smoking is hard. Like, quitting every monday hard. Quitting feels so big. So try making it smaller, and youll be surprised at how easily starting small can lead to something big. Start stopping with nicorette. Sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Theyre our neighbors. And theyre our friends. Theyre our parents. Our brothers and sisters. And our children. But now, they are more than that. They are forever our heroes, too. At prudential, were fortunate to know and serve them. And were grateful to the heroic men and women working on the front line to move our nation forward. To all the heroes, we thank you. Seth were joined now by a legendary rapper, writer, and actor. He has a new film calle