i really believe they are going that he plans to stay in the white house for the rest of the to have it under control fairly soon month because of the coronavirus pandemic and said it is, quote, you know, in april, supposedly, "sort of like the nerve center." it dies with the hotter weather. which makes sense, because it it and that's a beautiful date to look forward to. >> seth: first of all, you can cks. tell my man spends too much time at mar-a-lago because he thinks officials at the bronx zoo april is when it gets hot. announced yesterday that a tiger has tested positive for the "in february, the trees begin to coronavirus. bloom and by april, i mean, you can barely touch your steering even worse, it's daniel. wheel. but, yes, it's a beautiful date matt goldich is the terrible man to look forward to who wrote that joke. father of two. i remember when we all got that lovely save the date in the mail i invite you to give him an earful on twitter. by the way, the anchor who that's right, a tiger at the conducted that last interview was since fired -- fox business bronx zoo has tested positive host trish regan who called for the coronavirus. coronavirus an impeachment scam. so if you're wondering who is remember her, evil the bravest person in this connie britton pandemic, it's whoever did that swab "friday night lights" would have been a totally different show with her "your team sucks, coach, and so do you during a press conference this also, it's high school football, weekend, president trump said who cares? there was no reason to postpone or alter plans for the summer's you know what i say, 'dumb eyes, republican national convention fat hearts can lose. and of course he's not going to cancel a party in his honor. trump would interrupt a funeral to announce it's his half birthday i'm outta wine." a man from france was rescued but credit to fox news who will over the weekend by helicopter not hesitate to fire a host who after he tried to walk through peddles dangerous conspiracy the mountains to spain to buy theories as long as they're not cheap cigarettes sean insanity. of course since he's a smoker, because hannity will probably he only made it about a hundred yards from his house enhielng [ gasping people that snorting advil is i "aidez-moi." hey, shout out to my mother, the a raise. "great stuff with the advil french teacher, madame meyers, who taught me the term tonight, sean, where did it come "aidez-moi." from?" "would you believe i pulled it out of my ass? fortunately i only used it to "that ass of yours, sean, it is try to get answers from her on tests. a -- it is a bottomless gold mine "maman, aidez-moi. [ speaking french keep up the great work." now, in the time trump was dismissing the virus and claiming it would go away, he was repeatedly warned by intelligence briefings that this was a real threat. and in that time the "washington post" reported his administration was beset by 70 days of denial, delays, and dysfunction. 70 days. president trump held a conference call over the weekend and that's charitable because with executives from professional sports leagues and for trump you could say it's been 70 years of dysfunction said he expected the country to return to normal in time for when he was born, the doctor football season. spanked him on the butt to hear normal, or as the him cry and instead trump called new york giants call it, fourth and 12 him nasty and served him with a lawsuit. "there's an expression i use, 'wha.' it's the same matt goldich who some people say i invented it. burned the jets last week. but it's hard that's baby trump. in a normal world, a story about the wwe held a wrestling event a 70-day delay in the face of a over the weekend without crowds. pandemic would be cause for also holding a wrestling event impeachment or removal or, at without crowds, two roommates the very least, embarrassment with one beer left and shame. but the president insisted that broadway composer andrew lloyd webber has launched april would be tagic date so a new youtube channel to we could all just look forward to that. showcase his work, and will show so let's check in on his daily an adaptation of "joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat. it's called "joseph and the mini-maga rally in the white house briefing room on saturday to see how that amazing personal protective prediction is working out. equipment. >> this will be probably the according to reports, president toughest week, between this week and next week. trump has told his aides to consult with tv host dr. oz on and there will be a lot of the coronavirus pandemic death, unfortunately said dr. oz, "whoa, whoa, whoa, but a lot less death than if whoa this wasn't done that's way out of my league. but there will be death. you need to talk to dr. pimple popper >> seth: there will be death let's pop this pandemic. that's kind of a 180 everything was going to be fine, and now you sound like the and finally, a woman in india captain of the wrestling team last week gave birth to twins who just saw a nerd dancing with his girlfriend and gave them coronavirus-inspired names "there will be death." so one's called [ grunts ] "animal crossing," and the other's called masturbation. it's a beer can. we've got a great show for you what happened to april tonight. our friend tracy morgan will be "it's become clear now that the here season three of his show "the end date we had been promised last og" premieres tomorrow was in fact an april fool's joke night on tbs very excited to see him. pulled on us by the virus. but first, "a closer look. >> seth: hello, everyone, and so now we know corona to be both welcome back to my attic crawl space. highly contagious as well as mischievous in spirit. of course now that we've shifted a loki, if you will. our makeshift studio to this location, there's one question that has preoccupied our now, you might hear that new audience perhaps more than any tone and think, "oh, i guess the president, like any decent human other and that's, "what's up being, has admitted he was what's up with that tiny little wrong, made amends by doing door over there? everything he can to rectify the situation and apologized." i mean, is it where we keep the kids' toys and if you are thinking that, or is it a wonka door? congratulations on waking up from your 3 1/2 year coma, but and if it's a wonka door, is the bad news, there's this thing tiny chair right there -- is called coronavirus anyway, your doctor will tell you. that for an oompa-loompa waiting because as usual, trump insisted to roll me away to the juicing that he was right when he said room after eating an everlasting gobstopper the virus would simply go away who knows? the only thing i know is that i'll never tell. anyway, you'll have plenty of >> you look at those individual time to speculate because we'll statements, they're all true stay calm. be doing these "closer looks" here for a while uh, it will go away. you know -- you know it is going public health officials are away and it will go away. urging americans to continue >> the president was saying this observing social distancing rules even as the president and his son-in-law contradict those >> it is going to go away. >> mr. president, you said it -- >> it is going away. experts and spread dangerous >> -- was going to go away in misinformation april. >> i didn't say a date for more on this, it's time for >> you said when it warmed up in "a closer look." ♪ april -- >> i said it's going away, and it is going away >> seth: ha, very clever after all, april still has >> seth: well, we're less than a 24 days left and it's already week into the month of april down to, what? there's really no way of knowing what day it is i don't know, 337,000 cases. every day is a week and every and you did. week is a year and now april just meansi you literally said it goes away in april that's as close to specific as trump ever gets.hikids a trip to disneyland while watching football "dad, will we have universal healthcare?" "yeah, yeah, it's going to be so easy, it's going to be a blast now go upstairs and oil your hair before dinner." and then last week, the media fell for his fake somber trump shtick and asked him if his thinking had changed from when he said the virus would go away in april >> is there any fairness to the criticism that you may have lulled americans into a false sense of security when you were saying things like it's going to go away -- >> well, it is >> -- and that sort of thing but -- >> jim, it's going away. >> but when you were saying -- >> it's going to go away hopefully at the end of the month and if not, it hopefully will be soon after that. >> but - >> so it is going away >> has your thinking on this evolved? >> it is going away. >> has your thinking on this evolved? you're taking it more seriously now? >> i think from the beginning, my attitude was that we have to give this country -- i know how bad it was, all you have to do was look at what's going on in china. >> seth: first of all, no, you didn't know how bad it was you treated coronavirus like a [ bleep ] high school baseball coach talking to a kid who just got hit by a line drive to the head "how many fingers am i holding up?" "i don't know, 50? "he's good to go, get him back in there." of course his thinking hasn't evolved. he's barely evolved. i mean, look at him, he looks like one of those early tetrapods that crawled out of the water and learned how to walk on land but then he didn't learn how to hunt or fish so he ended up just walking around in circles like a dude waiting for a crosstown bus. "anyone know when the m15 is coming canceled why? because of coronavirus but it's april." so trump insists he was right when he said it would go away possibly by the end of this month. now you can either believe him or you can believe bill gates. >> well, this is a nightmare scenario because human-to-human transmissal of respiratory viruses can grow exponentially we continue countrywide and we're testing the right people to understand what's going on, which is not the case yet, those numbers will start to go down. and then we can look at some degree of opening back up. things won't go back to truly normal until we have a vaccine that we've gotten out to basically the entire world >> seth: so there you go who are you going to believe, the pioneer of the microcomputer revolution who founded microsoft and is currently working on ending polio and malaria or the guy who once tweeted, "victoria's secret reps were nasty to kate upton and now she's doing great" that tweet was from 2013 and while i don't know what it's about, i am genuinely, genuinely curious, and i intend to do some google investigating as soon as this [ bleep ] pandemic is over. also why were you commenting on that is that what you used to spend your time on before you became president? "mr. trump, we're ready to shoot 'the apprentice.'" "yeah, quiet, i'm taking sides in upton v. secret." and now in part because the president waved away the problem for 70 days, we're facing both an unimaginable tragedy and also an economic collapse that has already resulted in the worst weekly jobless claims numbers we've ever seen. and yet americans are still having trouble accessing government benefits. just take this story from the "new york times" about one applicant who saw jobless benefits and was told to find a fax machine. some attempts to apply for benefits yielded a pop-up message that suggested using netscape, a browser that effectively no longer exists one applicant said he was taken aback to hear he had to find a fax machine to complete his claim. my god, it's 2020, in the richest country on earth, but if you need government benefits you have to go on an early '90s treasure hunt. "hey, guys, i found a clue if financial aid you wish to get, find yourself a gigapet." they have to use netscape and fax machines what if they want to apply in person, do they have to go to a hollywood video? "great okay thank you for this now, the last thing you need to do before you collect your benefits is watch this vhs copy of 'gremlins.' that will be followed by a short quiz just so, you know, we're sure you understand the gremlin rules in regards to, you know, sunlight, water, you know, when is a safe time to feed them. that's a "gremlin" bit i would not have done if we were in the studio but this is not some accident of history. there's a reason you can get a package of alcohol wipes from amazon in 48 hours but to apply for unemployment benefits from the government you have to download ms-dos. the reason is that billionaires and corporations have hollowed out our public infrastructure with the help of corporate ghouls and the political establishment. now companies like amazon are more powerful than our decrepit federal government in fact our sadistic president jigsaw over here won't even help the millions of people who still don't have health insurance get that insurance during a pandemic $75,000 in medical bills if hospitalized for coronavirus and yet trump has refused to open a special enrollment period on the obamacare marketplace for people to buy health insurance now, to be clear, if you had insurance through your job and lost it, you can buy insurance on the obamacare marketplace this is for people who are uninsured that, if they were to get sick, could be ruined financially. and donald trump knows a thing or two about being ruined financially because remember, he's done it, like, six times. he's gone bankrupt so many times he's close to getting a free sub. and that will mean the world to him. and, yet, sadly, trump lost the part of his brain responsible for empathy years ago when he tried to squeeze himself into a golf cart and bumped his head on the roof "i'm going to give you all bonuses because every life is precious, and everyone deserves to be -- ow. ooh. also, if you ever need a ventilator, go [ bleep ] yourself." so last week when he was asked why he wouldn't reopen the obamacare exchange, he turned the question over to mike pence, and then bragged that pence had found a way to talk for five minutes without answering the question >> could you tell us what the rationale was behind that decision and what you have as an alternative? >> okay, they took that up under the task force, and maybe, mike, you want to say a few words? >> well, thank you, mr president and, what i can tell you is that the president has made a priority from the outset of our task force work to make sure every american knows that they can have a coronavirus and they don't have to worry about the cost we're -- we're inspired by the spirit of american businesses. grocery stores made a commitment to the president a month ago that no grocery store in america would close down the food supply is strong. we're getting food on the table of every american. >> i think it's one of the greatest answers i've ever heard. because mike was able to speak for five minutes and not even touch your question. so i said, that's what you call a great professional >> seth: professional liar that's what you call a great professional liar. and it is true, man, pence is great at looking grave and solemnly shaking his head and talking in hushed tones and acting like he's the president in a [ bleep ] low budget miniseries about an asteroid headed towards earth "mr. president, what are you going to do to stop the asteroid?" "i can assure you that we're doing everything in our power to make sure americans can still buy essential groceries like doritos and pop-tarts. "what does that have to do with the asteroid, mr. president? "pop-tarts are the quintessential american meal first introduced in the 1960s by --" [ whooshing also think about -- think about how much of a sociopath you have to be to brag that you didn't answer a question about whether americans can get health care during a pandemic. i know, i'm not a psychologist, but if someone gets on my subway car wearing a newspaper hat and carrying a soiled teddy bear, i don't think, "oh, cool, another businessman headed to wall street. trump is like a public defender sitting next to his client during a murder interrogation, saying, "notice how he hasn't confessed yet. i mean, and this guy, this guy right here loves to brag, a real sicko. hey, tell him how you secretly write your name in your victim's diary. what be quiet you couldn't stop talking about it earlier oh, i'm sorry, now it's a secret." so if he won't even offer millions of americans basic health insurance during a deadly pandemic, what is trump offering well, like a true huckster, he's selling them an unproven medication that's still in clinical trials, telling people to try it even though it could have dangerous side effects before it's approved by actual medical professionals. >> and i hope they use the hydroxychloroquine, and they can also do it with z-pak, subject to your doctor's approval and all of that. but i hope they use it, because i'll tell you what - what do you have to lose there's a possibility -- a possibility -- and i say it, what do you have to lose, i'll say it again what do you have to lose take it. i really think they should take it but it's their choice. and it's their doctor's choice or the doctors in the hospital but hydroxychloroquine try it if you'd like. >> seth: jesus we've been calling trump a snake oil salesman for years and now he's literally standing at the podium trying to sell us a miracle cure "they call it hydroxychloroquine, and let me tell you, folks, it's a genuine all-purpose miracle cure hey, you, sir, you look like you want to say something. "yes, i tried it and both my acne and my coronavirus went away." "and you and i have never met, sir. so, there you have it, folks there you have it, what have you got to lose? by the way, you know trump and his buddies own stock in hydroxychloroquine because it's a six-syllable word and he didn't stumble on it once. of course it makes sense that a lifelong con artist like trump would push another miracle cure. i mean, this is the same guy who sold people scam vitamin supplements based on a urine test -- not made up, a real thing. how would you even tailor vitamins based on someone's urine, anyway? by sniffing it [ sniffs ] "smells like you're eating too much asparagus here, try some beef pills. they're just tiny meatballs. now, obviously, it would be terrific news if a genuine antiviral medication was proven successful in clinical trials and we're all hoping that happens as soon as possible. but it is dangerous to go on tv and tell people to just try a medication before that medication is proven safe and effective. and yet trump is doing it anyway because he's already failed to supply other lifesaving equipment like ventilators at this very moment states are fighting each other in a perverse bidding war with a total lack of federal leadership, and the point man in charge of the ventilator disaster is trump's own personal tom wambsgans. jared kushner, everybody's favorite botox nine-year-old, you know, the real life jack skellington the fellow who's always lurking in the background of every white house photo like a stalker who suddenly appears in the mirror and when you close your medicine cabinet the only guy in the world who creeps out stephen miller. "jared don't frighten me like that, jared. don't creep on a creeper." over the last few days, trump has openly admitted that new york may not have enough ventilators to save lives and called the federal government just a backup. while kushner insisted the national stockpile doesn't belong to states >> governor cuomo was saying new york may be days away from running out of ventilators can you assure new york that going into next week, that they're going to have the ventilators that they're going to need? >> no. they should have had more ventilators at the time. they should have had more ventilators. we happen to think that, uh, he's well-served with ventilators. we're going to find out. and we're backup remember, we're a backup >> and the notion of the federal stockpile was it's supposed to be our stockpile, it's not supposed to be states' stockpiles that they then use. >> seth: oh, that makes sense, it's like my doorman told me, the front door belongs to the building it's not for the people in the apartments if you want to go to work so bad, climb down the fire escape. seriously, it's your stockpile are you writing your name on them like you're leaving your lunch in the office fridge "guys, come on, who ate half my burrito? it had my name on it and who crossed out 'kush' and wrote 'douche? guys, 'kush' and 'douche,' they don't even rhyme i know it's a near-rhyme, janet. i thought you were better than near-rhymes, all right?" they're not yours. they're ours the sniveling weasel thinks everything belongs to him because he was born into a rich family just like his father-in-law. i'm shocked we haven't seen something called a kushner-lator pop up on craigslist what we're seeing right now is a feeble government hollowed out by billionaires and corporations and run by a lifelong scam artist abdicating federal leadership and leaving states and courageous health care workers to fend for themselves one lesson we're all learning from this is that generally speaking, it's better not to be governed by sociopaths and the day they finally leave office will be a - >> a beautiful date to look forward to >> seth: this has been "a closer look." ♪ city harvest is a great organization that exists to end hunger in communities throughout new york city. they're working hard to support new york city families who are out of work due to the covid-19 pandemic there's a website on the screen where you can donate to help we'll be right back with tracy morgan ♪ >> announcer: for more of seth's closer looks, be sure to subscribe to "late night" on youtube. adventure. to reconnect and be together. and once we did that, we realized his greatest adventure is just beginning. 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[ laughter ] >> seth: oh, man, my goodness. tracy, you've gone through some - >> yeah, foreplay went like this this was our foreplay. [ laughter ] i took the mask off. that's foreplay. >> seth: tracy, where are you in the house right now? >> right now i'm in my great room see my piano, the dogs way back there. it's huge, man >> seth: yeah, do you play the piano? >> what? >> seth: do you play the piano >> what? do i look like i'm down with the commodores to you? i look like i was the son of the bass player from earth, wind and fire come on. that's for looks, brother. >> seth: let me ask you about something i know you know something about. your aquarium. how are your -- i know you have sharks you got eels you got an octopus how are the fish holding up? >> they're fighting. >> seth: yeah. >> they don't like wearing hospital masks in the water. >> seth: you're making the marine life wear the masks >> that's right. i'm playing safe i'm being responsible. >> seth: do your sharks have names? >> what? >> seth: do you give your fish, your shark, a name >> seth, i'm going to give you a chance to sound intelligent. you don't name fish. >> seth: you don't name fish >> these are not the goldfish from coney island. this is not that these are white tips and black tips and that's what i call them. that's a white tip and that's a black tip. i don't say that's chuck and that's susie i don't say that they're fish >> seth: okay, that's good to know i know you've -- >> they don't have brains. they just have nerves. >> seth: they just have nerves what about -- do you let -- how's your little girl, by the way? do you let her feed the fish >> yeah, i'm home schooling her now. >> seth: how is that going >> she said the other night, she said, "mommy's right you're stupid. you need to be home schooled." >> seth: wow, that's heartbreaking. how is your wife how's your beautiful wife megan holding up are you spending quality time -- >> she's pregnant. she's pregnant >> seth: oh, no. she is >> she got pregnant again this week >> seth: so how many times pregnant is she right now? >> we're having four it's been a month, right quarantine four >> seth: once a week -- once a week like clockwork. >> once a week, baby i'm old school i don't pull out >> seth: did you get -- have you been hoarding toilet paper, tracy? >> i'm home schooling my kids. and i'm teaching them -- i'm going to take them to the turnpike on a field trip and teach them how to get it by fedex truck. >> seth: that's what you're going to teach your kids >> on a field trip, yeah on a field trip. my mother is doing -- my wife is doing the home schooling and i'm the school cook. i'm the lunch lady >> seth: do you -- are you -- do you cook a lot at home, tracy? 'cause that's -- that comes in handy at times >> i have a wife, seth i bring home the bacon she fry it up in the pan >> seth: tracy, in times like this do you find there are ways to try to keep things -- can you give us some hints to romance? like, how do you keep things fresh in the bedroom during a pandemic >> me and my wife are role playing. that's how you keep your sex life exciting. well, right now my wife is playing the young maiden whose grandfather was infected with coronavirus. and i'm the scientist who found a cure and she'll do anything to save her grandfather. and i mean anything. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's really nice. that's really nice hey, wait, you were mentioning, you talked about your fish, and we're mentioning you're home schooling your daughter. is it safe to let -- how old is your daughter now? >> she's six, going on 26. >> seth: is it safe to let a six-year-old feed fish >> she doesn't feed fish i never said she feeds -- are you trying to get me in troublem i don't be letting her put her hand in the eel tank she don't feed moray eels. >> seth: tracy, when did -- where did this love of fish come from for you is this something that - >> my first great-great-grandfather, jacques cousteau morgan. >> seth: okay. i didn't realize -- jacques cousteau morgan. >> yes, he took me in the water when i was younger but the flippers couldn't fit my feet so i used my socks i just pulled them halfway off >> seth: wait, so were your feet too big for the flippers or were the flippers too big for your feet >> i used spalding socks you remember when spalding used to make socks? >> seth: yeah. >> "clyde by spalding. remember remember, "clyde by spalding." >> seth: is that clyde frazier we're talking about? >> yes, you remember the sneakers, clyde by spalding. that's what the commercial used to say the commercial used to say, "clyde by spalding." >> seth: this has been -- i want to talk to you some more we're going to take a quick commercial break and then we're going to be back with more tracy morgan >> you take that quick commercial break and you come on back to me, papa ♪ digiorno rising crust pizza now has even more cheese. it's so cheesy, you'll need a pick up line to go with it. like, "did it hurt... when all that cheese fell from heaven and landed on you?" it's not delivery. it's digiorno. now with more cheese. anywhere near your white couch. but we did it. and you know what happened? nothing. glad bag with leakguard. helps prevent leaks and drama. somewhere you'll never find... sike! we put them everywhere. grocery stores and supermarkets, gas stations, and chiropractor's offices, bowling alleys, and grocery stores, which we already mentioned... not sorry, reese's. 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[man screams] [scary screams] (burke) quite the circus. but we covered it. at farmers, we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two. ♪ we are farmers. bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪ there are times when our need to connect really matters. to keep customers and employees in the know. to keep business moving. comcast business is prepared for times like these. powered by the nation's largest gig-speed network. to help give you the speed, reliability, and security you need. tools to manage your business from any device, anywhere. and a team of experts - here for you 24/7. we've always believed in the power of working together. that's why, when every connection counts... you can count on us. ♪ >> seth: welcome back, everybody. we're here with my friend tracy morgan tracy, this is very exciting i know you were back at "snl" when eddie murphy hosted in december that must have been an incredible night >> yo, man eddie is one of my comedic heroes, probably the top comedic hero in my life. to be a part of that monologue was awesome. that's awesome that's working with eddie. imagine that, being on the stage with him that was awesome >> seth: and then in august, "coming to america 2" is coming, and you got to do that with him. what was that like >> that's eddie, man it was magic to watch him and arsenio do their thing, those are my ogs. dope great. >> seth: speaking of "og," season three premiering on tbs congratulations. that's quite an accomplishment >> coming on tuesday night yeah, tuesday 10:30, tbs yo, seth, i want you to come on our show, man. >> seth: it's three seasons. you haven't asked me yet >> yeah, season four, you're going to play my parole officer. >> seth: oh, i would like that a lot. >> you fit that. you fit like a parole officer. i'm gonna take you out of character, but you're a dirty cop. i'll have you play a dirty cop you're gonna win an oscar like denzel did in "training day. >> seth: wow >> who would love to see seth meyers play a dirty cop i want -- a dirty cop. >> seth: thank you >> you sniff cocaine off the dashboard of your squad car. santa claus's christmas is gonna come down the chimney wearing a hospital mask. you're gonna go, "ho, ho, ho, ho we know it was you, mother [ bleep ]. your beard is sticking out." [ laughter ] >> seth: i don't think you - >> "just give us the toys, you [ bleep ] prick. [ laughter ] >> seth: tracy - >> no, i can't take this social distancing i went to hug my own mother and she gave me a elbow. >> seth: yeah, have you been outside at all have you gone outside at all >> oh, you know pregnant women got to breastfeed from a distance with their kids yeah pregnant mothers got to breastfeed their kids with a slingshot. from six feet away [ laughter ] their mouth would be like -- their mother milk in their mouth. that milk in their mouth >> seth: you know what the funny thing is i actually think we're gettinga information from you as we are from the presidential press conferences. >> yo, i'm gonna keep my head where it should be >> seth: have you gone outside, tracy, at all? have you gone outside? >> have i gone outside absolutely >> seth: what have you done? >> what have i done? i peed on the corner like i usually do i had to pee i got out of my car and took a piss >> seth: have you -- >> on a side of a -- >> 0seth: are there things that or closed what's been the most - >> yes, the strip clubs, man >> seth: yeah. >> i never thought i'd see the day. know what i mean i used to go to strip clubs all the time they closed it down. >> seth: they did? >> yeah, you got to go to a drive-through now. >> seth: oh, what happens the drive-through? >> the workers shake their [ bleep ], like this, in a drive-through. >> seth: hey, are you using this time -- i know you're a cinephile. you -- >> you want to see a young girl in cancun? look [ light laughter ] >> seth: i have been meaning to ask. have you been watching any new films? any new television shows >> i watched "the tiger king." >> seth: oh, did you like it >> that's my family. >> seth: that's your family? >> yeah, i'm related to him. i . >> seth: how so? >> that's my uncle >> seth: oh, he's your uncle >> yeah, his husband the one with the meth teeth. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> yo, i met a girl like that. her eyes looked so pretty. >> seth: uh-huh. >> like a -- she looked like leon spinks. [ light laughter ] you wanted comedy? i'm giving it to you if i'm in the supermarket, and you can smell my fart, you're standing too close to me you're not six feet behind me. >> seth: oh, is that - >> that's a fart that's fart range, especially after you ate pork and beans and franks a can of campbell's pork and beans, that's school lunch that's true grit >> seth: it's been such a delight talking to you through this trying times. i do think - >> yo, i got cabin fever you can't be mad at me, man. >> seth: i'm not mad at you. >> i've been in this [ bleep ] house for four weeks, god damn it, with these [ bleep ] kids. >> seth: how are the kids behaving >> how are they behaving >> seth: yeah. >> they're downstairs in the cage right now, god damn it. lock these mother [ bleep ] up [ laughter ] i got to lock these mother [ bleep ] up, man. >> seth: you got a lot of -- >> [ bleep ] >> seth: -- you got a lot of mouths to feed >> one of them tried to drop a bowling ball on my [ bleep ] head the other night they're trying to kill me here, seth >> seth: oh, tracy, i'm so glad you're persevering through these trying times i can't believe your children would do that to you you're such a wonderful father you provide for them and they're trying to drop a bowling ball on your head? >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. good kids, good kids good home schooling they say, "look, daddy, i did math." i say, "yeah, good, good, good, [ bleep ]. good, good good kids. good yeah, yeah good kids. >> seth: tracy, every time i talk to you i forget all the troubles in the world. today is no exception. >> i'm praying for everybody's happiness and let's get past this, 'cause, yo, seth, this is temporary. god is -- god is forever >> seth: i'll see you on the other side, my friend. all right? >> love you, seth. >> seth: i love you, tracy everyone, give it up for tracy morgan ♪ there will be parties again soon, and family gatherings. there will be parades and sporting events and concerts. to help our communities when they come back together, respond to the 2020 census now. spend a few minutes online today to impact the next 10 years of healthcare, infrastructure and education. go to 2020census.gov and respond today to make america's tomorrow brighter. it's time to shape our future. subway is still serving the subs delicious subs made fresh and easy to get for takeout or delivery. and now, with our family takeout special, get a free footlong when you buy two. ♪ my psoriasis. cosentyx works on all of this. cosentyx treats the multiple symptoms of psoriatic arthritis to help you look and feel better. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. an increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if you've had a vaccine or plan to. serious allergic reactions may occur. watch me! get real relief with cosentyx. it didn't take us long to realize ... ...we weren't in the car business. in the people business. long to realize ... we needed to be helpful . . . . . . respectful . . . and compassionate. to treat people like guests. it's what we all signed up for. and now when people need this most, we will do what we've always done. take care of people first. the rest will follow. dry spray dries in an instant. leaving these men with nothing to do in this ad. thankfully, we've got something to fill the time, instantly putting these guys back into their comfort zone. dove dry spray dries instantly and keeps you protected for 48 hours. i appreciate what makes each person unique. dove dry spray dries instantly that's why i like liberty mutual. they get that no two people are alike and customize your car insurance so you only pay for what you need. almost done. what do you think? i don't see it. only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ like rock, reggaeton, alland techno.. get ready for the drop. wait for it. -come on man hit me! wait. just do it already! ♪ one more time yeah. the world premiere is in your home friday. michael vasquez! come over here. i've heard such good things about you, your company. well, i wouldn't have done any of it without you. without this place. this is for you. michael, you didn't have to... and, we're going to need some help with the rest. you've worked so hard to achieve so much. perhaps it's time to partner with someone who knows you and your business well enough to understand what your wealth is really for. ♪ >> seth: welcome back. with most of the world on lockdown to fight the spread of the coronavirus, there's a lot of new scientific terminology being circulated but there's also a lot of misinformation, which can be confusing to all of us trying to make sense of this new world we live in. luckily, i saw this psa last night that explains everything you need to know about the coronavirus. take a look. >> it's so good to see you ladies cheers >> oh, cheers. >> cheers. aww. >> i love our little get-togethers. even if they are on zoom >> well, you know what i don't love >> what? >> not understanding everything that's going on with the world today. >> it's so confusing >> like, for example, what even is the coronavirus >> it sounds like a hangover from drinking too many coronas [ light laughter ] >> not quite a novel or new coronavirus is just a new virus our bodies have never had to fight before. >> oh, well, that clears everything up. i'm gonna go book a cruise >> oh, no, no, no, don't is the novel coronavirus different from covid-19? >> covid-19 is just the name of this specific virus. covid is short for coronavirus disease and 19 is for the year it was discovered. >> does this zoom app have any of those wacky face filters? i want a hat and sunglasses. oh, never mind huh? huh? >> focus, margaret so why are we on lockdown? is there no cure >> not yet it will take scientists at least a year of testing to get an approved vaccine >> oh, i love vaccines i heard they make you more artistic >> that's not what you heard >> so what can we do until there's a cure >> well, it's important to slow the spread and practice social distancing >> like staying six feet away from other people? >> exactly >> oh, pardon me >> social distancing slows the spread of the virus, so hospitals don't get overwhelmed. they call it flattening the curve. >> i flatten my curves with benny craig. he's my plastic surgeon. >> oh, my god. no, margaret look, what do they mean by sheltering in place? does that mean i can't leave my house? >> sheltering in place just means you can only leave for necessary errands, like grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy, or walking your dog. [ gasps >> my dog. i left him out there >> and what about the stores being out of purell? >> good old soap and water works even better. after any activity or trip outside, simply wash your hands for 20 seconds or about the length of -- >> sex >> -- singing "happy birthday" twice. >> oh, i always have to sing "happy birthday" twice to get the words right. >> oh, my god. margaret, did you find your dog? >> who >> okay. what about face masks? i can't find those anywhere. >> they only really protect you if they're an n95. >> oh, bingo >> oh, you know what n95 means >> no, i got bingo >> n95s are specialty masks that should be reserved for the people who need them most. >> "the phantom of the opera." >> medical professionals >> oh. doctor of the opera. >> what about tests? where can i get tested >> who knows >> well, how many people have been tested? >> not enough. >> should i go to the hospital if i think i have it >> beats me. ask your doctor. but in the future, if you have any more questions, you can find answers at cdc.gov >> or facebook.com i read that you can just drink vinegar to get rid of it >> oh, no! margaret, stop >> the american hospital association. please stay the [ bleep ] home ♪ at t-mobile, we know that connection is more important than ever. we've increased network capacity, given more access to unlimited data. and provided free data for schools and students. visit t-mobile.com to learn more. you can also manage your account, make payments, and find t-mobile stores that are open near you. we've been asking, are you with us? but we want you to know, we're with you. and i like to question your i'm yoevery move.n law. like this left turn. it's the next one. you always drive this slow? how did you make someone i love? that must be why you're always so late. i do not speed. and that's saving me cash with drivewise. 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(male vo) get 0% apr financing for 63 months on select subaru models now through april 30. eveso we can stillg a answer your calls. now. and we are monitoring our system 24/7 to ensure that we have a fast reliable network, keep the customers connected, and making sure people are staying safe. and we're still on the road. solving critical issues as they arise. ♪ go to xfinity.com/prepare. thank you. ♪ >> seth: we've got a lot coming up this week, including all new "closer looks" and guests senator kamala harris, jim gaffigan and jane fonda. we'll be right back. ♪ by the end of my world tour i'll turn you all into rock zombies. rock and roll! [ screaming ] if we're gonna save the world we need to unite all the trolls. like country. the country trolls look friendly. get em'. [ screaming ] hip hop. ♪ tiny diamond is my name peace and love tiny and daddy out. and techno. -get ready for the drop. wait for it. come on man! ♪ one more time ♪ >> seth: tonight, i'd like to close with a segment called "who i miss," in which i will tell you about crew members who, with each passing day, i realize i cannot do without. ♪ i miss donna richards. donna is in charge of my wardrobe at "late night. every show night, i go to my dressing room to find my suit hanging and ready to go. and at no point have i ever had to yell, "donna? where did i leave my suit? after i put on my suit, donna gives me a once-over donna is more quick and skillful with a lint roller than zorro is with his blade before you even know what happened, you realize the lint is gone. it is a sight to behold. so while i am slightly proud that as a 46-year-old man i can still dress myself, i'm also worried that if i had to tie my own tie right now, i would look like a kid at his bar mitzvah. the point is, i miss donna i want to thank my guest tracy morgan come back tomorrow when our guest will be senator kamala harris. stay tuned for "lilly singh. stay safe. wash your hands. we love you. ♪ ♪ >> daniel: tonight on "a little late with lilly singh. >> lilly: it's either great or it's terrible. there's no in between. it's like the seasons of "game of thrones." >> woo >> daniel: and - >> lilly: anna camp and adam rippon. ♪ lilly >> lilly: you have 30 seconds to figure out how to juggle >> yeah. >> lilly: alright, a for effort, a for effort tonight, you will be beatboxing. ♪ [ cheers ] >> daniel: coming up [ cheers and applause >> daniel: ladies and gentlemen,

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