[ laughter ] and from what i know of waffle houses, if theyre closed, run [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause a former Trump Campaign aide has announced shes dropping her lawsuit accusing President Trump of kissing her without her consent. Shes also asked that we stop referring to her as a Campaign Aide [ laughter and applause iowa representative steve king yesterday defended the conditions inside Migrant Detention Centers and said he is not worried about reports that people have resorted to drinking from toilets because he himself drank the toilet water and said it was quote, actually pretty good. [ laughter ] added king, definitely top five toilets ive ever drank from. [ laughter and applause today, today was national be late for something day in case any white people want to tell their friends about lizzo [ laughter ] thats as good as i thought i want to clarify. [ applause ] i didnt think that joke would go better than that. [ laughter ] but its still an excellent joke [ laughter ] according to a new study, 63 of people find cleaning to be relaxing, while others do it to repress their murderous tendencies [ laughter and applause according to reports, floridas population is expected to increase by six Million People by 2030, probably from all those people moving out of alabama to escape the hurricane [ laughter and applause starbucks announced today it will offer Additional Mental Health benefits for its employees. While dunkin told its employees to keep punching holes in the drywall. [ laughter ] officials in new york are considering a proposal that would require cyclists to carry licenses, begging the question, where . [ laughter ] i mean, yeah, i got it but youre not going to like where im holding it. [ laughter and applause and finally, according to a new study, 32 of americans would rather give up sex for an entire week than be in a Customer Service line said the other 68 , you have sex every week . [ laughter and applause ladies and gentlemen, we got a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause he is the senator from vermont and a 2020 president ial candidate. Senator Bernie Sanders is back on the show, everybody [ cheers and applause were always so happy to have him back his very funny comedy special, my favorite shapes, is currently streaming on hbo julio torres is back, you guys [ cheers and applause and, hes a civil right activist and author, whose book, on the other side of freedom is now available in paperback Deray Mckesson is joining us [ cheers and applause so happy that we get to talk to him as well. Before before we get to any of our guests, the president is still defending his doctored math insisting that he was right about Hurricane Dorian hitting alabama. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth now, we know donald trump is and has always been a conspiracy theorist and pathological liar who is completely detached from reality. [ laughter ] its always been his brand its just that back when he was a new York Real Estate buffoon, people didnt take it that seriously. [ light laughter ] new yorkers mostly ignored him because thats what new yorkers do with crazy people [ laughter and applause new yorkers new yorkers reacted to trump the way you react to a guy who gets on the subway with a lizard on his shoulder [ laughter ] that was trump except in his case he has two lizards. [ laughter ] [ audience oohs [ cheers and applause in fact, trumps entire trumps entire origin story is basically that of a crazy guy, who after years of being ignored, finally heard, hey, cool lizard. [ laughter ] his entire campaign for president started as a desperate attempt to get people to take him seriously as he himself admitted to his supporters during a speech in 2016. A lot of people have laughed at me over the years now, theyre not laughing so much, ill tell you. Seth that is something a villain would say in a superhero movie. [ laughter ] dont believe me because that line is almost verbatim a line from the new joker movie. A lot of people have laughed at me over the years, now theyre not laughing so much, ill tell you. Everyone laughed at me. Well, no ones laughing now. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth so now sometimes trump lies for the obvious reasons like, you know, to cover up crimes sometimes he makes up weird stuff for no apparent reason, and then, sometimes, theres just little bits of junk floating around in his polluted brain that he belches up during rambling speeches. Like the time he claimed during a speech on trade that canadians were smuggling shoes back across the border to avoid paying tariffs on footwear. Tariffs that do not exist. [ laughter ] there was a story two days ago in a major newspaper talking about People Living in canada coming into the United States and smuggling things back into canada because the tariffs are so massive the tariffs to get common items back into canada are so high that they have to smuggle them in they buy shoes and they wear them [ light laughter ] they scuff them up they make them sound old or look old. Seth they make the shoes sound old . [ laughter ] what does that mean . Do they complain about rap music . [ laughter ] do they hit the roof of their apartment with a broom turn that racket down [ laughter ] we got some boots trying to sleep. [ light laughter ] and of course it isnt just that trump lies, its that he concocts elaborate fantasies to justify those lies even when theyre contradicted by plain Video Evidence that you can see and hear for yourself. Like the time he accidentally called the ceo of apple tim cook, tim apple. [ laughter ] and then tripled down with a series of bizarre and shifting excuses. The president is still playing cleanup after he referred to apple ceo tim cook as tim apple. We appreciate it very much, tim apple. [ light laughter ] the coverage of tim apple has apparently gotten under trumps skin at maralago on friday night with no cameras present, trump reportedly explained to a group of donors what really happened axios reports trump told the donors that he actually said Tim Cook Apple like, really fast and the cook part of the sentence was soft, but all you heard from the fake news he said was tim apple. [ laughter ] a few days after that, trump wrote this, at a recent roundtable meeting of Business Executives and long after formally introducing tim cook of apple, i quickly referred to tim plus apple as tim apple as an easy way to save time and words. [ laughter ] seth my favorite part of that tweet is when he writes out tim plus apple [ laughter ] like hes carving it into a tree [ laughter and applause trump has been trump has been at war with reality virtually his entire adult life. And that war took one of its most insane turns yet this week when the president of the United States spread disinformation about a hurricane and then repeatedly went out of his way to insist he was actually right you might remember, this whole thing started when trump tweeted over the weekend that alabama would be hit by Hurricane Dorian and then 20 minutes later, the National Weather service had to tweet alabama will not see any impacts by Hurricane Dorian. We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane Dorian will be felt across alabama that was 20 minutes later. The National Weather service has to monitor the president s tweets as closely as they monitor actual hurricanes. [ laughter ] which actually makes sense because when you think of it, donald trump is the hurricane, except unlike regular hurricanes that eventually die down everyday, trump blows harder [ light laughter ] after he was corrected by his own government, trump doubled down, as you probably saw. Yesterday he seemed to alter a forecast on the storms paths from last week with a circle added in sharpie, to include alabama. [ laughter ] my favorite thing about this is that he didnt even try to blend it in. [ laughter ] he could have at least sent an intern to kinkos to print up a new chart. So, yeah, what are you trying to do here . We want to fake a hurricane map to retrofit a lie the president told to the American People. [ laughter ] okay. When do you need it by . [ laughter ] trump is even too lazy to lie convincingly and he used a sharpie, which gives it away because the only person in the world whos famous for using sharpies is donald trump [ light laughter ] it is a dead give away thats like turning to the avengers and saying, all right which one of you shot me in the ass with an arrow . [ laughter ] hawkeye, was it you, hawkeye . [ light laughter ] and then later, trump was asked about the altered map and he was so flummoxed, all he could do was barf up a lengthy incoherent word salad you showed us the map earlier, the initial forecast yeah. It appeared to have been, i guess, edited or something to include alabama. Can you explain how that came to be no. I just know i know that alabama was in the original forecast they thought it would get it as a piece of it. It was supposed to go actually, we have a better map than that, which is going to be presented where we had many lines going directly, many models, each line being a model and they were going directly through, and in all cases alabama was hit. They actually gave that a 95 chance probability it turned out that, that was not what happened. It made the right turn up the coast. Everyone is going to be in great shape because were gonna take care of it regardless. Regardless but the original path was through florida. That was probably three days i think thats probably three or four days old. Seth i thought you wanted to save time and words. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ill make up for this ill make up for this. Ill say tim apple and thatll buy all that time back [ laughter ] bill microsoft, thats five minutes right there. [ light laughter ] also, if its three or four days old then why are you telling us this why are you showing us a map of a hurricane thats so out of date you had to edit it with a sharpie . At his next briefing hes just gonna hold up a map of pangea. So, this is a little out of date [ laughter ] a little out of date, but as you can see all the countries are crammed together one landmass [ light laughter ] and the hurricane, it was gonna it was supposed to hit all these stegosauruses over here. [ laughter and applause then then, the reporter asked a natural followup question, did you use a sharpie to alter the map . And trump acted like he had no idea what happened and that map that you showed today looked like it was almost had like a sharpie i dont know. I dont know i dont know [ laughter ] seth it is so damning how he just keeps getting quieter [ laughter ] hes like a kid who hit a baseball through his neighbors window who did this . I dont know. [ light laughter ] i dont know [ light laughter ] i dont know. [ laughter and applause also, what do you mean you dont know are you claiming someone else defaced your map, like some prankster snuck in and sprayed graffiti all over it yeah. They crept in here and drew a circle in sharpie on it. And then they signed their names, tim plus apple. [ laughter and applause and then last night trump still couldnt let it go and tweeted what he claimed was a map of the original forecast dated august 28th which didnt prove anything anyway, because it was four days before his incorrect tweet on sunday. On wednesday, the president tweeted a map trying again to prove his incorrect point. But weather experts say the president was using an out of date map there were much fresher forecasts. President trump tweeted this. Its called a spaghetti model. It shows every possible path the hurricane is forecasted to take. Those Spaghetti Models were from august the 28th by the time the president tweeted about alabama at 10 51 a. M. On sunday, the forecast track had moved well east these are all the computer models the spaghettis seth thats right. He tweeted a map of whats known as the Spaghetti Models. And of course, trump probably thought it was a map that tells you where you can find spaghetti. [ laughter ] its very helpful i didnt even know you could get spaghetti in alabama, but [ light laughter ] so the president has already been corrected by his own government, altered an official hurricane forecast with a sharpie, rambled on about it at a press conference and then tweeted about it and yet somehow this fever dream has not come to an end because trump woke up this morning and again reeled off another deranged tweet storm about it. Trump tweeted, in the early days of the hurricane when it was predicted that dorian would go through miami or west palm beach, certain models strongly suggested that alabama and georgia would be hit and then Hurricane Dorian took a different path up along the east coast. Whyd you put that in parenthesis . [ laughter ] thats the only part of the tweet thats correct [ laughter ] at this rate, trumps gonna start adding tiny footnotes to his tweets with the correct information at the bottom. I just nuked something, a hot pocket in the microwave. [ laughter and applause this whole thing whole thing perfectly captures the constant exhausting bewilderment of living through the trump era theres a very real, a very real humanitarian crisis unfolding in the bahamas and a dangerous hurricane is threatening the mainland u. S and meanwhile, the president is obsessing over a map he doctored to defend an embarrassing mistake that he is now is repeatedly lying about almost nothing that comes out of his mouth is true. In fact, at any time he speaks, the odds that hes lying are a 95 chance probability. [ light laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with senator Bernie Sanders, everybody. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. No matter how much you clean, does your house still smell stuffy . Thats because your home is filled with soft surfaces that trap odors and release them back into the room. So try febreze fabric refresher. Febreze finds odors trapped in fabrics and cleans them away as it dries. Use febreze every time you tidy up, to keep your whole house smelling fresh air clean. Fabric refresher even works for clothes you want to wear another day. 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Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause all this week weve had the multitalented drummer for charlie hunter, the jaime mclean band and broadyways the lion king with us. Be sure to check out his Award Winning instructional book, concepts and creativity, which is available now Carter Mclean is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause thank you, seth seth thanks for another great week it was wonderful having you back thanks so much. Seth our first guest tonight is the United States senator from vermont hes running for the democratic president ial nomination. Please welcome back to the show, senator Bernie Sanders, everyone [ cheers and applause seth welcome back. Thank you seth you look for everything a candidate has to go through, you look incredibly well rested. Is that accurate not real well [ light laughter ] were hanging in there seth youre hanging in you had there was a Climate Change forum last night. Yep seth and we have another round of debates coming up and i was wondering if you prefer a forum to a debate based on the fact that as far as getting your messaging out, it must be nice to have a longer chunk of time. Absolutely. The debate format is just weird. You know, youre asked complicated [ laughter ] youre asked complicated questions. And then you got 30 seconds to respond. Tell us what youre going to do about the healthcare crisis. All right, times up. [ laughter ] so, you know, the forum does give you an opportunity to, you know, speak at some length and cnn did a good job, i thought. Seth and it was, obviously, Climate Change is something, certainly, the Democratic Candidates are all taking seriously. People are unveiling plans that maybe cost 4 trillion, 5 trillion. You have a 16 tril