Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

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and walked off stage [ laughter ] despite president trump claiming that athletes and protesters have disrespected the national anthem, video surfaced from trump's super bowl party showing him fidgeting, pointing and pretending to conduct an orchestra during the song. take a look. ♪ and the rockets red glare the bombs bursting in air ♪ [ laughter ] >> seth: oh my god, you're the leader of the free world and you look like a 5-year-old kid an hour into a catholic mass [ laughter ] do you have to - [ applause ] i mean, seriously, do you have to pee or something? well, you should have thought of that before you went insane. [ laughter ] the new hampshire primary is now a week away, which means we're only a few short months from finding out who won iowa [ laughter and applause multiple districts in iowa had to settle ties at last night's caucus by coin flip. "people still use those things?" said michael bloomberg [ laughter and applause former new york mayor mike bloomberg today announced he is doubling his spending on television commercials and he's not joking. apparently he's even the new lead guitarist for "cars for kids." [ laughter and applause kylie jenner celebrated her 2-year-old daughter stormi's birthday this weekend by setting up a custom amusement park called stormiworld incidentally, stormiworld is also what trump calls puerto rico. [ laughter ] according to reports, jennifer lopez went through ten hours of hair and make up ahead of her super bowl halftime performance. even worse, terry bradshaw started putting on his outfit in 1921. [ laughter and applause the makers of peeps have announced they will be selling hot tamale flavored marshmallows this easter season and when he heard that, jesus announced he's not coming back [ laughter ] disneyland has begun offering a new "star wars" themed spicy green milk drink, although it's not selling well partially because it's spicy milk, but mostly because it's called baby yoda's blood [ laughter ] mmm, that's q-blood. [ laughter ] a company in japan has started holding funerals for old sex dolls where clients can mourn their doll while they watch it get destroyed. and for once i can say with absolute certainty, she's in a better place [ laughter and applause and finally, we don't always have enough time to cover everything in the news so here with a recap is one of our writers, amber ruffin, in a segment we call, "amber says what." ♪ [ cheers and applause >> you guys, things have been crazy! okay so, first of all, the super bowl was this weekend and i saw the halftime show, and i was like, what shakira played the drums, and i was like, what then j. lo did some crazy stuff on a pole. and i was like, what [ laughter ] then someone reminded me that j. lo is 50. and i was like, what - kind of sorcery is this? who are you, jen-jamin buttons [ laughter ] then i found out part of trump's border wall fell over. and i was like, what [ laughter ] and then i found out it fell over on to mexico. and i was like, oh, what [ laughter ] what did this? a bulldozer? a wrecking ball? no, the wind [ laughter ] the wind blew it over. and i was like, what well, at least that won't happen again, because if there's one thing that's super rare on planet earth, it's wind. [ light laughter ] p.s., of course the wall got blown down, the only thing propping it up was racism. [ audience ohs ] ha-ha! [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause oh if you think about it, yeah, that was excellent then, the national science foundation's solar telescope took its first picture of the sun. and i saw it and was like, what? from far away the sun is a beautiful hot ball of glowing gases whose gravity holds the solar system together. but up close the sun ain't nothing but a big old ashy leg [ laughter ] hey astronauts, the next time you go up there bring some lotion [ laughter ] then beyonce came out with a new line of clothes. and i was like, what then she sent her famous friends giant boxes of the clothes and i was like, what that is so cool. hey, seth did you get a big old box of clothes from beyonce? >> seth: i think you know i did not. [ laughter ] >> so then, soon after - [ laughter ] people started noticing how the line of clothing resembled uniforms at popeye's and i looked at the similarities and i was like, what a coincidence! then popeye's came out with its own line of clothing that looks a lot like beyonce's fashion line and i was like, what popeye's [ laughter ] i'm a size medium. [ laughter and applause then presidential candidate michael bloomberg met a dog for what i guess was the first time. and this happened. [ laughter and applause >> i was like, what? did this billionaire just try to shake a dog's mouth? [ laughter ] have you never met a dog before? man, dogs are for petting, booties are for shaking. [ light laughter ] then, a zoo in england recently discovered that their big cats are more active in their environment if you spray calvin klein's obsession for men. and i was like, what that's not a surprise. that cologne is from 1998. of course cougars love it. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] y'all have to stop you can't just be "ohh"-ing everything cougars. ohh. [ laughter ] racism ohh. [ laughter ] then i read an article that said harry and meghan's choice to step back from the royal family was a missed opportunity to heal race relations in the u.k. and i was like, what it's not her job to fix your [ bleep ] country. besides, she already taught you the most valuable lesson of all, black people don't have time for your [ bleep ] so treat us right or we'll move to canada! [ cheers and applause i said, we will move to canada do you hear me seth? >> seth: sorry, what >> that's what i thought then something happened that you are never going to believe okay for real last week in a town called perryville, maryland, a white man robbed a bank in black face. and i was like, what are you doing? now you know there's probably only one black person in perryville, maryland and his life is bad enough [ light laughter ] but on the bright side, that bank robber probably got home. and his wife was like, "ooh, no, bob, leave it on." [ laughter ] [ applause ] then - [ applause ] yeah, they had weird sex then, i heard my favorite person to look at, billy porter, was at the grammys. and i was like, what did he wear and i saw him and he looked beautiful. then i saw that he had a crazy hat and i was like, what it's gorgeous! then i saw that it had an internal mechanism that opened and shut it's bedazzled veil and i was like, what look man, i tell you what, if i ever got my hands on that hat we wouldn't be doing no "amber says what," we'd be doing "billy porter's hat says what." and guess what i did, and now we are. it's time for "billy porter's hat says what. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> you guys, things have been crazy. first of all i heard that gwyneth paltrow is selling a candle that smells like her vagina and i was like - [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause then trump's campaign held a rally to win over black voters by handing out cash in a black community. and i was like - [ laughter and applause where you doing that at? but then i found out the black women's caucus of south carolina endorsed tom steyer for president. and when i realized the closest thing the democratic party has to a black woman is tom steyer, i was like - [ laughter ] this has been "amber says what" in billy porter's hat. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: give it up for amber ruffin, everybody. [ cheers and applause and billy porter's hat actual hat flew here in an airplane travels with two people. we've got a great show for you tonight. he's the star of nbc's "brooklyn nine-nine" which returns for it's seventh season this thursday with a special back-to-back episode event andy samberg is here tonight [ cheers and applause and from the unaired "snl" archives, we have an all-new second chance theatre for you tonight. we're so excited about that. before we get to our show though, the iowa caucus was held yesterday and chaos ensued, keeping the results a mystery until about 5:00 p.m. today. largely due to the use of a malfunctioning app developed to make the process easier, which brings us to a segment we call, "hey!" ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: hey, iowa, how did you beef this? [ light laughter ] you had four years to get ready, and this was the result? this is worse than the husband who comes home on valentine's day with a flower from the neighbor's yard, a bag of skittles and a card that says, "sorry for your loss." [ laughter ] and hey, democrats are stressed enough about the 2020 election as it is remember that horror movie in 2016 where everyone was confident and then it all went to hell? way to let everyone know that jason isn't really dead. [ light laughter ] and hey, what kind of weirdo antiquated system are the caucuses anyway? it's like the musical chairs meets debate class meets a slow gas leak [ light laughter ] it's the most embarrassing thing to happen in a high school gym since that time i got hit in the nards playing volleyball, and it hurt so much i threw up. [ laughter ] there's rules about how hard you can throw it, jessica moore. [ laughter ] and hey, i have nothing against old fashioned ways of doing things as long as it's not for something important. if your friend brews his own beer, that's great if your doctor still uses leeches, you get a new doctor. [ laughter ] and hey, you can't take a outmoded system and fix it with an app some things are too old for modern solutions when grandma starts having trouble getting around, you don't buy her a razor scooter. [ laughter ] and hey, what was the name of the company that built this app anyway vote tracker my caucus pal? shadow people already think this process is shady that's like releasing a dating app called axe murderer. [ laughter ] and a side "hey" to the media. don't cause more trouble last night one of the iowa precinct secretaries was on hold with the democratic party, waiting to report the results while also talking to wolf blitzer on cnn and then this happened. >> wolf, i have been on hold for over an hour with the iowa democratic party >> what are you hearing? i know you're listening to a conversation from the iowa democratic party >> um -- >> can i help you? >> so, this is a real coincidence, wolf, i just got off hold, just now so i've got to get off the phone to report the results. >> all right go ahead, report your -- >> hello >> can we listen in as you report them? sean >> yeah. cool >> all right, let's listen >> okay. hi hello. they hung up on me [ laughter ] >> hey wolf, don't distract him if you're on the phone with a friend at the same time they're calling 911 about a car crash, you don't say "can i listen in while you describe your injuries." [ laughter ] and hey, mayor pete, don't tweet before the results are official. iowa, you have shocked the nation by all indications we're going on in new hampshire victorious there were no indications, and no one was victorious yet. at the end of the 3rd quarter of the super bowl, the 49ers didn't tweet, by all indications we're going to disneyworld [ light laughter ] and hey, iowans, i feel for you. you take this seriously. and it wasn't your fault the iowa democratic party let you down but you do know this was your last caucus. right? when you blow it this bad, you don't get another chance nobody's going to make "hot rod 2. >> hey >> seth: whoa! [ cheers and applause this has been "hey!" ♪ what >> it's a cult classic >> seth: all right, we'll be right back with andy samberg [ cheers and applause ♪ (professor) sound power is defined as thought a surface the product of sound pressure and a component of the partial velocity at a point. 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[ cheers and applause thanks for being here, ilan. our first guest tonight is an emmy and golden globe award winning comedian you know from his work on "saturday night live" and is one third of the lonely island. he returns for the seventh season of "brooklyn nine-nine" with a special two-episode premiere event thursday night at 8:00 right here on nbc. let's take a look. ♪ >> street's clear. no sign of the shooter where'd he go? >> shh, shh, shh, shh. >> why you shh-ing me? >> i'm doing that thing where i listen really closely for a noise clue, like glass breaking or trash wrestling >> cool. is it working? >> no, not yet >> because i'm talking >> well, it's not helping. >> right, right, right i'll be quiet. >> you don't have to say you'll be quiet just be quiet. >> okay. i'm sorry for not being quiet. >> once again, don't have to say it >> just want you hear what i'm doing. >> understood. i'm just gonna listen. >> okay. i'll be very quiet >> don't have to say it. >> just wanna make sure you know what i'm doing >> please stop. >> so i don't -- >> stop talking. >> i'll stop talking now >> great >> make sure i don't do that >> all right, charles. i love you but you ruined it [ trash wrestling >> both: trash wrestle ♪ [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome to the show, our good friend andy samberg [ cheers and applause ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ >> seth: samberg, you're back. you're back. you're looking good. >> i feel great. >> seth: you -- you're a father now? i mean, you've been a father for a bit. >> i'm a dad >> seth: you're a dad. >> you can't tell by looking at me [ cheers ] >> seth: so, do you feel as though you've had some dad transitioning? >> aside from the beard? >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> thanks for -- thanks for noticing, seth [ laughter ] i feel like i'm working on a pretty signature dad bod >> seth: yeah. >> i pick her up a lot, so my guns are really rocking. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> but i eat all of her bread crust. so, my tum's a little fat. >> seth: gotcha. [ laughter ] so, you're sort of finishing up the crusts >> i've eaten more crusts in the last two and half years than in the rest of my life combined >> seth: gotcha. [ laughter ] >> and i can't remember the last time i had a normal bite of a sandwich >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] did you -- when you were a kid, did you like the crust >> no, i made other people eat them >> seth: gotcha. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: so is this -- do you feel like you're completing -- >> i think, yeah it's like -- the circle of life. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> that's what they meant. >> seth: but bread >> but the -- yeah i'm now -- i'm - >> seth: you're completing sandwiches from your youth with crusts now >> yes [ laughter ] [ applause ] i'm glad i came now. >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: you also -- you sent me a picture from your hotel room the other day, standing on the scale, 'cause you were a little worried you were putting on the pounds [ laughter ] and it -- it read 50 >> yeah i don't think the scale's working. [ laughter ] and i thought it'd be funny to send you a picture of that and now we're talking about it >> seth: it was 50, and then you sent one today it said you went out for a big dinner, and showed me the scale again, 51. >> 51, yeah. [ laughter ] i did have a big dinner. and it did -- i kicked up an lb. >> seth: yeah, you kicked up and lb >> yeah. >> seth: it's not showing. it's not showing at all. >> thank you very much >> seth: what is -- what is your lovely daughter into these days? >> she's very into "the nutcracker." >> seth: okay. the musical. >> the original. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: how did it get introduced to her? >> we took her to see a marionette show. >> seth: okay. there's a wonderful marionette theater in los angeles called the bob baker marionette theater. and we took her to their christmas marionette show of "the nutcracker." and she flipped for it and now we listen to "the nutcracker" nonstop. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] like multiple times a day sort of situation >> oh, on a loop >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> yeah. [ laughter ] and she knows all the tracks you know >> seth: yeah. >> it's -- it's pretty heavy [ laughter ] >> seth: i took my boys to see this paddington bears show this weekend. >> right >> seth: and i was like, "all right, the 3-year-old, i think he'll did it." i was a little about the one -- the minute it started the 1-year-old was like, "no, no." [ laughter ] and it was a huge bummer yeah >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> seth: i mean for him. we super dug it. yeah >> understood. [ light laughter ] >> seth: my son, also -- there were two actors and a puppet paddington was played by a puppet >> okay. >> seth: it wasn't an actual bear, and -- [ light laughter ] >> bummer. bummer, but okay >> seth: my son, the 3-year-old, very loudly at point said, "i do not like the people. i only like the bear." [ laughter and applause >> speaking for everyone in the audience, i'm sure >> seth: yeah. i mean, and again, they were villainous these actors were getting the villainy across. >> got it. >> seth: yeah. >> so they were the bad guys >> seth: they were the bad guys. >> so he was following the story. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> but also hates people [ laughter ] >> seth: he hates people you do not you love people. >> i love people >> seth: and you were a great -- you were a great friend to me, and everyone in my family. >> love you. >> seth: save for one member of my member. >> yeah. >> seth: the non-person. >> right >> seth: frisbee the dog >> frisbee the piece of [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> seth: you -- you sent back -- you sent back the christmas card >> yeah. >> seth: because frisbee was on the christmas card >> yeah. >> seth: just so you know, this is what was on the christmas card >> yeah. [ audience aws ] >> seth: see >> you might as well have sent me anthrax [ laughter ] look at this piece of [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] i had to hire a cleaning crew because of all the barf in my house. [ laughter ] >> seth: you also -- we've told this story before. you have disliked frisbee from the beginning. >> from the jump i'm not one of these, oh, bandwagon frisbee-haters [ laughter ] >> seth: there's not a bandwagon. >> oh, now everybody wants to hate frisbee but i was there in the beginning, hating frisbee, saying he was a ugly little piece of [ bleep ] [ laughter ] and i stand by that. you can check the tape >> seth: frisbee was this big, and we put her on your lap and for second >> ugh >> seth: and you for real went, "ughh. >> ughh. [ laughter ] >> seth: and she just like thumped on to the floor. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: she's not a smart dog, and we look back at that moment as like the turning point. >> i've been walking home in new york drunk at 4:00 in the morning and seeing rats i like more than frisbee. [ laughter ] i know, it's like part of the family it's a dog >> seth: i want to congratulate you. this is very exciting. you were just in sundance. >> yeah. >> seth: in a movie. >> yeah. >> seth: that you produced and started. >> yeah. >> seth: and you broke a record for sale, the sale of the movie or something >> yeah. >> seth: $17.5 million and 69 cents >> 69 cents, yeah. [ cheers and applause >> seth: it should be noted that the previous record was $17.5 million. >> yeah. >> seth: and now did you guys in an effort to break -- did you request in the negotiations -- you requested an the extra 69 cents >> yes, i said -- akiva and i were both there. >> seth: yeah. >> and i said, "we should maybe ask for a buck more so we could set the record." and he said, "no 69 cents. [ laughter ] and our reps were on the phone they were like, "do you really want - [ laughter ] do we really have to ask for that?" and we're like, "yeah, we haven't slept! [ laughter ] and it worked out. >> seth: that's great. >> yeah. >> seth: an this movie was obviously well-received. and it sounds like a very cool idea for a movie shot in palm springs >> 'ish. >> seth: okay. >> it was an indie, so we could sort of afford palm spring-esque places >> seth: gotcha. [ laughter ] takes place at a wedding was it fun was it like a nice time of year to shoot >> it was horrible >> seth: okay. it sucked. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> it was like the frisbee of shoots [ laughter ] i actually like dogs that's the weird part. >> seth: oh, so it's not anti-dog >> no it's frisbee, specifically [ light laughter ] like, look, name, smell, vibe. [ laughter ] like - >> seth: bad vibe? >> -- clickety, clackety, like little - [ laughter ] [ indiscernible >> seth: she does. >> yeah, i know. >> seth: to be fair, she does clickety clack a lot that's a fair hit. >> yeah. frisbee is like kramer, where were like he can't enter the room without like sliding around [ laughter ] >> seth: she's always like burst in with her new invention. >> then go - [ indiscernible [ laughter ] >> seth: "brooklyn nine-nine" coming back. >> coming back >> seth: very exciting >> season seven. >> seth: seven and eight [ cheers and applause >> yeah. >> seth: seven and eight >> yeah. >> seth: this a show that was cancelled and then came back and it must be crazy that not only did it come back for sort of its swan song >> yeah. >> seth: it's now multiple seasons. >> yeah, and we -- yeah, like you said, we got picked up for an eighth that we're gonna shoot after this one airs. >> seth: great >> so, we're stoked. >> seth: that's really awesome, and i'm really excited for this season vanessa bayer cameoed this season >> yeah, care bear right there [ cheers and applause >> seth: one of the best >> the best. >> seth: what she looks like, i'm just gonna say it, like not a good cop >> what? >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] all right. so we have to move on to real reason you're here tonight >> yeah. >> seth: "second chance theatre. >> "second chance theatre. it's exciting. >> seth: this is a sketch that went to dress two times. >> yes >> seth: and it's called "griff banks: sensitive bully." >> yeah. "griff banks: sensitive bully. >> seth: what was the impetus for this idea? >> well, it was written by me and colin jost and rob klein >> seth: yeah. >> and it is sort of pulling from the '80s and some '90s film tropes of like the bully that's like riding the nerd the whole movie. but then when the nerd stands up to the bully, the bully kind of caves. >> seth: yeah. >> and you're like, "yeah. go nerd! [ laughter ] >> seth: so that's what was sort of the impetus >> yeah. >> seth: in both times it went to dress, do you feel like -- how do you think it played at dress? >> i thought very well >> seth: okay. >> yeah. >> seth: you think it should have aired >> yeah. >> seth: okay. >> but i thought everything i did should have aired. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: that's very noble of you to point that out as well. >> for sure. >> seth: couple of - >> you never let me in on "update," man. >> seth: you were on update -- >> you -- oh, no you always cut me. i had to get celebrities via nick cage so, you couldn't cut it >> seth: no, you were on "update" all the time. >> what about topical frank? >> seth: topical frank was a bad sketch >> it sucked [ laughter ] but -- but hear me out, it was topical. [ laughter ] >> seth: do a quick snippet of topical frank for the people >> topical frank would be like - >> seth: he would come on "update. >> he'd be like, "yeah, boy. something about the caucus, "topical." [ laughter ] >> seth: it was your way of a work around when lorne would complain that he wanted update features to be about the news. >> well, you and baze would always tell me like, "it's not really topical and we want something topical this week. >> seth: yeah. >> so -- so we wrote topical frank. [ laughter ] >> seth: there are two things about that i want the audience to be ready for in "griff banks" that we diverged on. >> yeah. >> seth: and we -- our tastes overlap a lot. there's line about griff banks' dog -- >> right >> seth: that i feel very strongly against and you feel very strongly pro. >> crushed at dress. >> seth: crushed at dress. >> one of the two times. [ light laughter ] >> seth: there's also -- there's a line, it might just -- the camera might just cut to me -- >> right >> seth: -- after that line so the audience knows that was a thing i wasn't - >> that you were maybe against >> seth: i was maybe against >> okay. >> seth: and i'll try to like with my expression reveal how i felt about the line. >> okay, we'll see how it goes >> seth: i'm very excited about this >> me too. >> seth: all right everybody stick around, and tune in thursday for the season premiere of "brooklyn nine-nine," again on nbc we'll be right back with andy samberg and second chance theatre. 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(doorbell rings.) pizza, pizza. on delivered pizza. ♪ we only come out at night ♪ ♪ we only come out at night ♪ i walk alone ♪ i'll pretend to know the way ♪ ♪ we only come out at night ♪ ♪ we only come out at night ♪ ♪ >> seth: hello and welcome to second chance theatre where sketches that were once cut from "saturday night live" are given, well, a second chance tonight, a tale of a young high schooler with two disparate personalities tearing him apart. on the one hand, he's an individual who physically and verbally intimidates those who he perceives as vulnerable, and on the other, he's a giant puss. [ laughter ] we now present the sketch "griff banks, the sensitive bully," starring andy samberg and featuring the second chance players. please enjoy [ bell rings ] >> hey, what did you get for number eight >> uh -- [ cheers and applause the limit as x approaches zero is zero. >> hey nerds [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause give me your lunch money or i'll pound ya >> we just gave it to you yesterday, griff >> well, i want it again so cough it up. [ light laughter ] >> just leave us alone, griff. >> what did you just say to me [ light laughter ] >> you're always picking on everyone, but you're not so tough. you're just -- you're just a big jerk >> no, i'm not [ laughter ] >> are you crying? >> no! ♪ griff banks he's a big tough bully griff bank but he's also a puss ♪ ♪ griff banks the sensitive bully ♪ >> what's up, you queefs [ laughter ] >> oh, hey, griff. >> did you do my homework like i told you to? or am i going to have to pound you? >> hey, come on griff, take it easy >> what she'd say to me? [ laughter ] >> i didn't do your homework okay i'm not scared of you. [ crying ] [ laughter ] griff? >> my old man's always wailing on me. [ laughter ] >> what? >> my family's always moving around, so i never make any real friends. >> oh, boy >> yeah, let's get out of here >> oh, well, screw you guys then who needs ya [ cheers and applause hey numb nuts, what's the matter with your book >> hey, man, don't do that again, or i'll hit ya. [ crying ] [ laughter ] what's wrong with you? >> i tried to take steroids, but all it did was shrink my nuggets. >> ew, what? >> you want to see it looks freaky. >> no, man, you got problems >> i do, thanks for listening bro. you're my best friend. >> we're not friends >> fine then, screw you! who needs ya [ cheers and applause oh, come on, griff, pull it together you're the king of the school. >> hey, hi, griff. [ crying ] what's wrong >> i let my dog have sex with me [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] >> what? why? >> i wanted to lose my virginity to someone i knew. [ laughter ] >> griff, you don't have to tell me this. >> i'm a terrible bully, this isn't even a varsity jacket. it's my little pony. [ laughter ] i'm not a bully, i'm just a gaping snorf [ laughter ] >> you're not a gaping snorf you're a totally decent bully. >> i am? ♪ >> yeah, you have all the classic bully traits, bad home life, low self-esteem. >> i hate nerds. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, you hate nerds. see, you're a great bully. here, take my lunch money. >> oh, okay. but can i say bullied it off you? [ laughter ] >> sure. [ laughter ] >> cool, see you around. oh, and nerd >> yeah? >> thanks. [ laughter ] [ sniffs ] hey, pizza face, go to prom with me >> ew, no. >> but i'm 37! ♪ griff banks the sensitive bully ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: give it up for the second chance players, everybody! we'll be right back with andy and the writers of tonight's second chance theatre. 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[ cheers and applause andy, we'll start with you how do you feel it played? >> andy: i'm feeling like i wish i had changed before this part >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] right, that you're still in full griff banks, that you're still wearing the wig. >> andy: yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> andy: starting to regret that a little bit [ laughter ] >> i mean, it's hard to get out of character >> andy: yeah. >> there's no method about it. >> seth: yeah. >> andy: what did you just say to me? [ laughter ] >> seth: do you, rob, and colin, do you remember writing the sketch >> very well [ laughter ] >> seth: and did it sort of fly off -- fly on to the page, i should say did the inspiration just come fast and furious >> yeah, i think griff kind of wrote it for us. >> yeah, griff kind of wrote himself. >> andy: griff wrote it for us [ laughter ] >> seth: to dress twice, do you remember the two hosts >> emma stone and gabourey sidibe. >> seth: yeah, there you go. >> right >> yeah. >> yeah. >> classic find to replace, yeah >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. did you -- do you remember -- well, you were in it both times. do you feel like it played well enough to go to -- >> i was in it both times? >> seth: yeah. >> nice. [ laughter ] >> sure. um, yeah, i loved it - [ laughter ] each time. each and every time. >> seth: john, you have some other favorites of andy's that did not find their way to air. do you want to share some of those? >> this wasn't on air? griff banks? >> seth: this has never aired. >> oh, it went to dress. >> seth: yeah, it went to dress. >> which is right before air >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> then they cut it. [ laughter ] >> we worked on a piece, i think it was friday night until about 4:00 a.m called -- it was an "update" feature. you did "update. >> seth: yeah. yeah, i did, yeah, yeah. >> it was called "the guy who just woke up." [ light laughter ] so andy would come out and he'd be like, "ah." he'd be tired, you know? he just woke up. and i remember we got off the elevator at 4:00 a.m and we had turned it in. and we were in the lobby and we all wanted to go home and andy said, "oh, wait, maybe we should call him bed head jones. [ laughter ] and you know, we were like - we were like, "i don't know, bed head jones, we kind of want to go home, but looking back, i think that, you know, that would have saved it. [ laughter ] >> andy: yeah, i think it would have -- it would have put it over the top >> i realize today how many of your characters that we worked on had the entire premise of the sketch in the name of the character. >> andy: right well you got to let them know up front. >> all the jokes [ laughter ] >> seth: there was gerald. >> gerald, he's always sick. also cut [ laughter ] >> andy: yeah, never aired >> gerard, the worse dude ever, also cut >> seth: the worst dude ever [ laughter ] do you remember a couple things about gerard a couple of details i remember of gerard, he rode in on a -- what do they call it, recumbent bike >> andy: recumbent bike. >> teva sandals. >> seth: teva sandals. >> andy: tevas and socks >> seth: he followed -- he was like a dead head but for jamiroquai >> andy: yeah, the quai. [ laughter ] he followed the quai >> seth: we refers to them as the quai >> andy: he's on tour with the quai [ laughter ] >> and he had an iguana named gary larsson >> andy: yeah. creator of the first >> who was it that liked the martinelli's sparkling apple cider? >> andy: that was -- >> i texted you on thanksgiving. >> we just were talking about this >> seth: lomax >> andy: lomax >> yeah, lomax >> andy: none of these aired [ laughter ] >> seth: can you do lomax's voice for us for a second? >> andy: oh, in truly, such a pleasure to see you. [ laughter ] would you like another glass of martinelli's sparkling cider, the world's most perfect beverage >> yeah. i feel like i'm in the room with lomax. >> seth: yeah. colin, you -- we were -- you know, we e-mailed this script around, because we were talking about doing this and you made an observation about griff banks, that it was sort of -- it was a foreshadowing the future of american politics. >> that's right. i didn't realize that griff banks would essentially become president of the united states [ laughter ] >> seth: but basically a sensitive bully -- >> sensitive bully >> seth: -- would be exactly who would hold the highest office. >> andy, good job. [ laughter ] >> yeah. finger on the future polls >> do you think he would own up to being a gaping snorf? [ laughter ] >> seth: so gaping snorf, looking back, do you feel like gaping snorf played as well as you had hoped it would play? >> andy: truthfully, better. [ laughter ] >> what about the second time? >> second time when amber said it >> yeah, because you say it and then another character says it >> andy: well, what was nice is we cut to seth in the middle [ laughter ] and klein and i were talking, we were like, "that was our mistake at 'snl. we should have cut to lorne. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. it would've been fun just in general, there should be a lorne-cam that people can watch. >> oh, my god. >> right >> seth: like, you know, there's like certain like football games where you can just watch the feed from, like, a different camera >> yeah. >> seth: if there was a lorne-cam, that would be amazing. >> like mic'ed up. >> seth: yeah. >> lorne's mic'ed up >> andy: throws his wine glass against the wall mother [ bleep ] >> and he's throwing the headphones [ laughter ] >> seth: klein, do you remember being under the bleachers for griff banks thinking this is going to air >> i remember the first part of that of being under the bleachers for sure >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> i think we thought it probably would air >> seth: yeah. >> and i think it was maybe a little controversial that it didn't air >> seth: yeah, like controversial in that people cared? >> like, what we were mad about. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> among us three. >> seth: it was a controversy that still burns today >> andy: the gabourey sidibe one, it was picked for air >> seth: yeah. >> andy: and got cut on air and the sketch that played instead was a will forte sketch, a character he did called "hamilton. >> seth: hamilton whiteman >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. >> andy: and i think we should have done griff. [ laughter ] >> seth: you're going to throw your boy forte under the bus right now. >> andy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] i mean, everyone thinks forte is so nice. [ laughter ] >> seth: oh, boy that's it. >> andy: i should've took off the wig for sure [ laughter ] >> in fairness to hamilton, he was a -- i believe an aryan nationalist with a bob haircut [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> in fairness, yeah >> seth: they were really -- they were really kind of both foreshadowing america. >> andy: truth >> seth: yeah. >> andy: yeah. >> seth: what's the worst -- do you have a worst moment under the bleachers with lorne, as far as - >> a worst moment. >> seth: or like - >> oh, my favorite moment was his son eddie -- >> seth: yeah. >> maybe he was 11 at the time lorne was watching a sketch of ours on the monitor and he kept going -- "ah." like that, you know, because it wasn't doing well. so eventually, eddie just was staring at him and then, eddie went, "ah. [ laughter ] like, mimicking him. [ laughter ] i thought that was cute. and then, a lot of other times that were very hurtful [ laughter ] >> at some point, like, last year, i was watching a sketch that they had written, and it was not going great. and he turned to me under the bleachers, lorne, and he said, "do you think they can take emmy's away? [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause >> andy: that's a good one >> seth: alex baze, who ran update when i was there, and is now the head writer of this show, i did something on update. i tried a new thing where i basically looked through a magnifying glass at some point and was doing a bit with a british accent and lorne told baze when it was over, he just said, "burn the tapes. [ laughter ] which i don't, looking back, i don't think baze should have told me. [ laughter ] >> we had a game show host once named robert blaze, i think. and lorne went, "everyone's confused, because they think it's ruben blades. [ light laughter ] and we're like, "oh, no, they're not. you know you know, 47 years he knows what he's doing >> seth: he knows what he's doing. you guys, congratulations on it finally finding air. i'm sorry, you know, it's on a weeknight like after 1:00 a.m. but -- >> andy: this is better truthfully >> seth: yeah. >> andy: and thank you for giving it this chance to shine [ laughter ] >> seth: and shine it did. >> andy: yeah. >> seth: we'll be right back [ cheers and applause ♪ brzezinski: take a look at this. tom steyer... berman: tom steyer... o'donnell: surging in nevada. scarborough: this is working for tom steyer. o'donnell: surging in south carolina. smerconish: i don't think it's just resources. mitchell: surging in two new polls out of nevada and south carolina. wallace: polling at double digits. king: up eleven points from october. that is dramatic. steyer: i'm saying we have a broken government. that's what's going on in washington, dc. it's been bought by corporations, and my question to the american people is who do you think is going to change that? i'm tom steyer and i approve this message. two bacon, two sausage, this is the two eggssuper slam. hash browns and pancakes and now make those pancakes all you can eat for a buck. that's where the duper comes in. the all new super duper slam just seven ninety nine. see you at denny's. which of your devices are protected by daily security updates? daily security updates... daily? i don't know. the only thing... i'm struggling with this. some providers you have to manually download updates to each device. comcast business securityedge updates every 10 minutes to help keep your connected devices protected against new ransomware, malware and phishing threats. every 10 minutes feels pretty good. comcast business security edge automatically helps protect all the devices on your network. call today. comcast business. beyond fast. ♪ [ cheers and applause >> seth: my thanks to andy samberg, john mulaney, keenan thompson, colin jost, rob klein, ilan rubin, and of course the 8g band stay tuned for "lilly singh. we'll see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause ♪ [ cheers and applause late with lilly singh," kathryn hahn and jenny slate [ cheers and applause >> lilly, i just wanna say we're so excited to be here with you tonight. >> lilly: oh >> yeah. we have been dying to pitch a new opening song for your show to you >> yeah. >> lilly: oh wow. okay, i didn't even know you guys wrote music >> yes well, we've been doing it for years. >> yeah, it's a side gig >> you wanna hear it >> lilly: yeah okay, sure yeah >> okay. >> okay, great yeah >> okay. ♪ lilly singh she's a beautiful thing ♪ ♪ it's lilly sing she's a beautiful thing ♪ [ cheers and applause >> thank you so, what do you think? that's very good, right? >> lilly: i mean - i mean - thank you. that was, um - >> yeah. >> lilly: that was interesting >> oh, yeah. >> lilly: yeah >> yeah. >> no, that was -- that was good. >> i mean, it was very good and we're very proud of it >> yea, i mean we brought our a-game, so >> yeah. >> lilly: definitely join us right here in one minute >> okay. so, are you gonna cut us a check for the song or --

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