President trump this morning accused last nights strike by iran on u. S. Targets as being funded by money given to them under the obamaera nuclear deal man, is there anything he wont blame obama for . Mulligan, thats obamas fault. [ light laughter ] the u. S. Army issued a warning yesterday about a fraudulent Text Message Campaign claiming to draft recipients for world war iii. Come on. If you get drafted youre not going to get a text. Youll youll get a tweet [ laughter ] prince harry and duchess Meghan Markle announced on instagram this afternoon that theyre stepping away from the royal family and moving to canada, or as it was reported in british tabloids, meghan kidnapped harry [ lighug prince harry and duchess Meghan Markle also announced they will quote work to become financially independent. While william and kate announced theyve sold the queen and theyre going to cabo. [ laughter ] after laying off her entire Campaign Staff last week, wellness guru Marianne Williamson said today that she is considering ending her president ial run shell return to her previous job, appearing in the stars during your ayahuasca trip [ laughter ] the New York Times has published a profile on a new concert tour featuring hologram performances by dead musicians like buddy holly and roy orbison. Unfortunately they forgot to make holograms of their fans, who are also dead. [ laughter ] an 88yearold man in maine fought off his second fox attack in four months this week [ light laughter ] by choking the animal with his bare hands usually the only person whos the victim of this many fox attacks is hillary [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] usually. Usually. Police in florida are seeking help locating a burglar who broke into a house and told the owners he was quote there tos. [ laughter ] said the man, burglar what part of i was there to suck toes do you not understand im not taking anything, im giving. [ laughter ] and finally, according to a new study, only 34 of speaking roles in films went to women in 2019. Even worse, most of them were madea. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause she is a very funny comedian and actress who stars in the new film like a boss in theaters this friday. One of our favorites, Tiffany Haddish is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause i love that. Hes an Academy Awardnominated writer and director whose new show servant is now streaming on apple tv plus m. Night shyamalan is back on the show [ cheers and applause and we have some great music for you tonight from shaed, so youre here on a wonderful evening. But before we get to all of our great guests, the president brought us to the brink of a disastrous war with iran, and then today claimed credit for stopping it. For more on this its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth last night iran launched missiles at two bases in iraq housing u. S. Troops in retaliation for the assassination of a top iranian general, qassem soleimani. It was obviously a harrowing moment with the lives of u. S. And iraqi troops at risk, and everyone had that sickening feeling that we maybe had just lurched into an immoral and catastrophic war with iran it was one of those moments where youre watching footage of missiles streaking through the night on cnn and you think, god, i hope we have smart and steady leadership and then you say, oh no. [ laughter ] now thankfully there were no casualties, which was fantastic news and a huge relief. But trump delivered that news last night with a very bizarre tweet. This was all we heard last night from our commander in chief. All is well missiles launched from iran at two military bases located in iraq assessment of casualties and damages taking place now so far, so good. Seth all is well thats not how you address the nation on matters of war, thats how a sophomore addresses his parents on a postcard from a trip abroad. [ laughter ] hello from reykjavik, its cold here and super expensive for some reason, otherwise all is well then today trump followed up on that tweet and addressed the nation in a rambling speech in which he claimed credit for ending a crisis he started bragged about u. S. Military might, announced crushing new sanctions on iran, lied about the intelligence that led to the assassination of soleimani, and then urged the world to strike a new peace deal with iran the speech itself was as dizzying as trumps entrance when the doors opened and he emerged from a spaceship [ laughter ] i mean, look at him. He looks like mr. Burns with radiation poisoning. [ laughter and applause and much like the alien mr. Burns, trump claimed to want peace, but the whole thing was incoherent and bizarre for example, after he descended from his blue tractor beam, he launched into the speech before he addressed the audience. As long as im president of the United States, iran will never be allowed to have a Nuclear Weapon good morning [ laughter ] seth and good morning to you . It would be fun if trump started every conversation like that as, will never have a Nuclear Weapon ill have a filetofish and six big macs. [ laughter ] and if you were thrown off balance by trumps wild swings, seemed off kilter and had trouble reading from the because as usual, trp teleprompter the civilized world must send a clear and unified message to the Iranian Regime your campaign of terror, murder, mayhem, will not be tolari any longer [ laughter ] seth yes tolaraded. I love when he gets in trouble halfway through a word, and then rather than just stop and reboot, reaches in his mind for what he thinks the rest of the word is. Tolar tolaraded. Toblerone. [ laughter ] trump must have been blinded by that blue light. And it probably only got worse when the speech ended and trump went back through the doors and into the light again god, its like that episode of seinfeld where a kenny rogers roasters opens right next to kramers apartment [ light laughter ] this speech swung wildly from bluster to threats to offerings of peace to flatout lies. In fact, youll never guess who trump blamed for the military conflict he provoked by assassinating a top iranian general. Trump repeated an insane talking point his gop allies and fox pundits have trotted out since last night they all tried to place the blame for what happened not on President Trump but on president obama. The missiles fired last night at us and our allies were paid for with the funds made available by the last administration in a very real sense, the missiles that we saw fired on u. S. Servicemen and women tonight were paid for by the billions that the obama odedhe ayatollah with a lot of these offensive capabilities youre seeing were paid for by obama biden Foreign Policy listen, this instant, this moment right now, is on barack obama, not donald trump seth youre blaming obama for this first of all, he pursued diplomacy with iran. Second, the guys been out of office for three years hes been busy wind surfing, whitewater rafting, and gradually unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time [ light laughter ] in fact, obamas shirt is basically our new threat level meter. When he was the president , wearing a suit, things were calm when Trump Took Office and obama started undressing, things got crazy. If you ever see obama Walking Around without a shirt on, get in a bomb shelter immediately [ light laughter ] needless to say this claim about obama giving iran billions of dollars is a lie that has been repeatedly debunked but it doesnt matter to these guys because theyre all obsessed with obama now dont get me wrong, theres a lot you can criticize about obamas expansion of war powers and the National Security state and his use of drones. But its insane to blame obama for a military conflict with a country he pursued peace with. Whats trump going to blame him for next is obama the one who told you to breathe in through your nose before every word like a scuba diver about to go under water . [ heavy breathing [ light laughter ] but maybe the most incoherent part of trumps speech came at the end when he actually claimed he wanted a deal with iran, despite the fact that he ripped up the obama deal that multiple allies had agreed to, and that everyone, even his own former defense secretary james mattis, said was working the United States will immediately impose additional punishing economic sanctions on the Iranian Regime iran must abandon its Nuclear Ambitions an for terrorism. The time has come for the united kingdom, germany, france, russia, and china, to recognize this reality they must now break away from the remnants of the iran deal. And we must all Work Together towards making a deal with iran that makes the world a safer and more peaceful place. Seth oh now you want a deal . You already ripped up one. And then attacked them why would they negotiate a second deal with a guy who lies about everything and always goes back on his word its like if you got one of those spam calls offering you a free cruise, and then they called you again and you were like, okay, ill give you my Social Security number again, but this time i better get that trip to hawaii, i want to go paddle boarding with obama oh god, hes shirtless, run [ laughter ] this strategy of ripping up the deal, attacking them, and then demanding a new deal, obviously makes no sense trumps impulsive seesawing from conflict to threats to restraint show us why Congress Must reclaim its constitutional power and stop any president , let alone a president as deranged as trump, from unilaterally waging a war or triggering a conflict like this again. Congress has the power to stop this theres a lot they can do. They can pass a war powers resolution they can block war funding they can repeal both bushera authorizations for the use of military force they could even keep trump distracted by tying a Chicken Nugget to a roomba and letting it loose in the white house. [ laughter ] i cant talk about iran now, where did you go, you little piece of chicken . [ light laughter ] because trump and his allies have been insisting in orwellian fashion that this act of war was actually an attempt to deescalate and stop a war that trump has the power to do whatever he wants, and also, that none of this is his fault but make no mistake this completely unnecessary crisis was entirely trumps doing hes been on a march toward conflict with iran from day one, which is why congress has to stop this from happening again last year, for example, he was asked if he had an exit strategy in mind for what would have undoubtedly been a catastrophic war with iran, and he admitted that he did o exit strategy. I dont need exit strategies youre not going to need an seth and of course trump didnt have an exit strategy for war. He didnt even have a literal exit strategy when he and ben carson missed their cues at a debate, got stuck in a hallway and just froze [ light laughter ] well this is our life now, we live in this hallway. I mean, look at them, they look like extras in a movie who accidentally wandered onto the wrong set. [ laughter ] whats with all these hamster people theyre cats oh this movies not going to work. And even when trump does exit he doesnt do it with a strategy, he just wanders aimlessly off stage while other people are talking like a grandpa who is lost at disney world [ light laughter ] beesidents of both parties have republican president , george w. Bush, who orchestrated an illegal invasion of iraq bs. Established a secret network of cia black sites to carry out illegal torture. Choked on a pretzel. Got stuck in a room when he tried to open a locked door. And then retired to become the republican bob ross. [ light laughter ] and like bush, trump sees himself as above the law in popular opinion. For example, you might remember that in 2006 amid calls for the firing of defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld during the disastrous iraq war, bush said this i have strong confidence in Donald Rumsfeld. I hear the voices and i read the front page and i know the speculation. But im the decider and i decide what is best and whats best is for don rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense seth thats right. Hes the decider he could have just said decision maker. But why mangle two words when you can combine them into one even dumber word [ laughter ] so after orchestrating an to tolarided it illegal and disastrous war in iraq, bush said he alone gets to make the decisions and now trump and his allies are taking that logic even further last night on fox news, senator Lindsey Graham said article ii of the constitution, which outlines of the rshe ability to unilaterally attack iran, which it does not. And trump himself has repeatedly insisted that article ii lets him do literally whatever he wants. The president has all the authority he needs under article ii to respond, and how he responds has yet to be determined, but he has that authority to respond article ii allows me to do whatever i want. Nobody ever mentions article ii it gives me all of these rights at a level that nobody has ever seen before. We dont even talk about article ii then i have an article ii where i have the right to do whatever i want as president but i dont even talk about that seth first of all, youre wrong. Second, saying i have an article ii sounds like how a cabbie from queens would say it while fighting with a traffic cop. Oh, you want to see my papers theyre right here i got an article i and an article ii [ laughter ] there you go im going to make them kiss for you. There you go. Trumps strategy toward iran is incoherent and dangerous no president , especially donald trump, should have the war powers they currently have and congress should immediately take them back and stop a crisis like this from happening again because another disastrous military conflict in the middle east is definitely something that cant be tolari [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with Tiffany Haddish, everybody [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. The wait is over. Tmobile is lighting up 5g nationwide. While some 5g signals go only blocks, tmobile 5g goes miles. Beyond the big cities to the small towns. To the people. Now, millions of americans can have access to 5g on tmobile. And this is just the beginning. Tmobile, the first and only nationwide 5g network. Techlike make us feel things for better. It gives us a helping hand when all we have are feet. Technology can make our beds, without us. Go on technology, set the mood. We even have cpas at our fingertips who will review our taxes with us before we file. Ive checked your return and youre good to go. Great thanks. People can be good at anything. Yes, even taxes. Intuit turbotax. Delivered to your car door so you can do more. Try drive up at target. Feels so good feels so good target run and done. Skip to the good part with alkacoentrated power. Nothing works faster for powerful cold relief. Oh, what a relief it is so fast 3 after trying it for a week, dovlike crystal. Ials underarms are so smooth to the touch and i love that fresh smell i feel amazingly protected im definitely feeling more confident would you switch . [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause back with us tonight, shes the drummer for 80s icon cyndi lauper, who just released her very first solo project under the name be kind, which can be found on all major music platforms. Caitlin kalafus is here thank you so much for being here, caitlin. [ cheers and applause thank you thank you. Seth our first guest tonight is an emmywinning actress and comedian you know from her work in girls trip and the last o. G. She stars in like a boss, which opens in theaters friday lets take a look. I need you to be fierce to yourself so that you can inspire the ugly people to buy themselves into rg fierst i hear fear then rst [ laughter ] i heath fierst. Fierst . Fierst. Fierst. Now whisper it. Feel it inside you fierst. Fierst. [ glass shattering ] seth please welcome back to the show, our friend Tiffany Haddish, everybody [ cheers and applause seth welcome back. Thank you for having me back. I wish they would have played something a little more funky for me so i could twerk for you. Seth that wasnt funky enough [ cheers ] uhuh i was seth i hope they will take that as a note for the next time youre here. Yeah, i hope so because i want to twerk for yall. This is a little twerk dress seth oh, my goodness [ cheers ] you know, i got my twerk boots on seth i feel like [ cheers ] thats a real missed opportunity for us i mean, yeah. Yall know any, like, 2 chainz [ laughter ] and migos. [ laughter ] seth its just not going to happen tonight its not twerking. Seth its just not its just not going to twerk out for us yeah, its not going to twerk out. Seth its not going to twerk out. [ audience ohs ] it is i was lovely to see you the other night at the Golden Globes. Oh, thank you seth you presented with your costar in the film, selma hayek. Yes seth fantastic and did you enjoy it youve been to your share of awards shows did you enjoy the Golden Globes . I did enjoy it. That was my First Time Ever presenting there, ever being in that room. It felt like a really cool high school assembly. Seth it is [ laughter ] and that by the way, thats the absolute peak of what an awards show can be, is a cool high school assembly. Yeah, but with alcohol. [ laughter ] seth yeah. [ laughter ] it is of the awards shows, wouldnt you agree, it is the most fun of all of them . I mean, i havent been a seth yeah. But for what ive been to, that was great seth yeah. Did you see did you run into any people that you had never met before that you were happy to see yeah, i ran int lo e, super awesome. You know, she tweeted about me before because i had hosted the mtv movie and tv awards and i had wore the curtain and all and then, i was, like, i had tweeted back but then, she di