Guests Shaquille OnealJacqueline Novak musical guest lil baby and featuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1181 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much what a crowd i missed you happy 2020, everybody, hey [ cheers and applause welcome to the tonight show. I want to wish everyone a happy new year i saw that for 2020, a lot of people are making the resolution to drink more water [ light laughter ] thats why for the last six days, college kids have woken up next to a pile of empty coors lights [ laughter ] this is fun. I saw that people ar participating in the 2020 tipping challenge you hear about this . Its where you tip waiters 20. 20 in honor of the new year waiters heard that and theyre like, thats great, except your bill was 500. [ laughter ] lets get to some news the big stories, everything going on with iran a little scary but on the bright side, its the first time trumps ever said i and ran in the same sentence [ laughter ] thats right, theres so much going on right now tensions with iran are high. People are worried about world war iii. Tom brady and the new England Patriots got knocked out of the nfl playoffs in the first round. [ cheers and applause Justin Bieber just released a new song [ cheers and applause called yummy. [ laughter ] and papa johns founder John Schnatter says his new years resolution is to eat 50 pizzas in 30 days these are all big stories. [ laughter and applause a lot to go over lets just jump in and cover it all at once. Time for news smash. [ cheers and applause jimmy first up, since President Trump ordered a strike on irans top general, people have been warning that world war iii could break out. A lot of experts say the strike was a bad idea almost as bad as eating 50 pizzas in 30 days [ laughter ] papa john says hes doing it to test the quality of the pizza. Thats a pretty unhealthy diet you know who definitely doesnt eat like that . Tom brady. [ light laughter ] saturday his patriots got knocked out of the playoffs. Football fans still call him the greatest of all time, while every woman in boston still calls him yummy. [ laughter ] Justin Biebers new song just dropped and in the music video, he eats cake, jello, and lobster. Which is still better for you than eating 50 pizzas in 30 days. [ laughter and applause seriously, eating like that is like looking at your stomach and declaring war. [ light laughter ] if he wants to avoid a bigger conflict, trump needs to talk things out with iran earlier today, he was like is it too late no to say sorry [ laughter ] Justin Biebers back with another single hes young, hes on top of his game hes pretty much the opposite of tom brady he had a solid year, but just like that, its over you could tell brady is depressed because ever since he lost as hes been eating is papa johns. [ light laughter ] listen, 50 pizzas in 30 days isnt a new years resolution, its a death wish. Its all over. Kind of like the patriots season [ light laughter ] still, brady says hell play until hes 45. Either hes serious or hes totally full of papa johns. [ laughter ] so in conclusion, have a safe new year have a yummy new year. [ laughter ] have an intervention this year maybe next year. [ cheers and applause listen to this before the iran strike, trump told some guests at maralago that something huge was coming but he never told congress which means theres a really good chance that sugar rays mark mcgrath heard about the strike before nancy pelosi [ laughter ] past president s including george w. Bush declined taking out irans Top Commander because it could lead to war you know things are bad when even george w. Bush was like, this could really mess things up in the middle east. [ laughter ] after the attack, iran said it was pulling out of the 2015 nuclear deal. So this morning, trump tweeted, iran will never have a nuclear weapon. Because nothing calms tensions quite like an all caps threat on social media. [ laughter ] according to a new poll, republicans top choices for president in 2024 include ivanka and Donald Trump Jr meanwhile, eric just got his tongue unstuck from a pole he licked on christmas. [ laughter and applause i did. I did it steve maybe senate jimmy some 2020 news, i saw that Bernie Sanders is now in a threeway tie for first place in New Hampshire [ cheers and applause and if one of your new years resolutions was to eat less, just remember the phrase, Bernie Sanders is now in a threeway. [ laughter ] well, last night was the Golden Globe Awards and Russell Crowe won for his role in the mini series, the loudest voice. When he heard that, Bernie Sanders was like, how the hell did i not win that . [ laughter ] tonight was the season premiere of the bachelor. We love that show. [ cheers and applause i love the bachelor. Im excitied the new bachelor is peter. Hes actually a pilot for delta. When hes sitting by the fire on the date and the girl asks for a blanket, hell be like, that will be 9. [ laughter ] police in pennsylvania are investigating after someone intentionally released bedbugs in a walmart changing room steve what [ audience oohs jimmy luckily, no one was affected mostly because everyone at walmart just tries on pants right in the aisles [ laughter ] no rules there steve fit jimmy an finally, listen to this i read about some High School Students in michigan who built the worlds tallest toilet paper pyramid. Take a look at this. Yeah [ audience oohs if you want to see that toilet paper pyramid in person, its currently right outside papa johns bathroom. [ laughter ] we have a great show give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Our first show back for 2020 there you go im so happy weve got this great crowd here we have a great guest. Shaquille oneal is here my man [ cheers and applause my main dude i love that guy. Also, the super funny Jacqueline Novak is here [ cheers and applause and weve got great music from lil baby, everybody, come on [ cheers and applause my turn. Guys, before we start, i want to send a quick shoutout to all of our friends watching in australia. They are battling devastating fires over there right now when you see pictures, it doesnt even seem real 15 million acres burned. Lost thousands of homes. Wildlife displaced 3,000 firefighters are working if youd like to donate, you can give to the australian red cross at redcross. Org. Au every little bit helps and they need the help. We love you, australia [ cheers and applause im happy to be back i had a good break i had the best new years eve ive had in, like, years it was fantastic steve what did you do . Jimmy i went to los angeles to visit some friends. I was out in l. A so me and my wife, were like old people now, so we go to dinner at 5 00 [ light laughter ] thats just our thing. We love it so actually it was a little late for us, we went to dinner at 6 00. Steve what jimmy so im at the polo lounge in beverly hills. We go in, theres no one there theres two women, pretty, just sitting there, they were eating dinner and we go over and sit down. One woman comes over to me and she goes, im sorry, i had to come over and say something. Im Dwayne Johnsons mother. The rock i go, yeah. Dude, we love him. We love dwayne. She goes, yeah he loves you too. I just had to say hi because he talks i go, oh my gosh, lets take a picture on your phone. So we took a picture i go, you know what, hold on a second. I went and got tiaras and hats from the restaurant. And balloons, and an empty champagne bottle i go, lets take a picture like were raging out [ light laughter ] anyhow, so im like taking pictures like shes chugging the champagne. I go, send this to dwayne at like, midnight and go, dude, im partying with jimmy fallon, its crazy. and she is there with his motherinlaw too. Those are the two. So then they send the picture, theyre laughing they go, this picture is so funny. They actually do get a bottle of champagne they go, youve got to look at the pictures she walks over i forget who but they knock over the bottle of champagne, chilling its ice, water, champagne, everywhere im like, oh my gosh she goes, no, get your phone back out. I laid on the floor. My tie [ laughter and applause i go, send him that picture after. Hes wasted. 6 30 so dwayne calls and he buys us dinner him and his wife bought me and my wife dinner, which is very nice, so we said thank you, dwayne its the end of the night for us around 8 00, probably. [ light laughter ] so im at the polo lounge. They have a piano player there his name is george i know him, hes great and he goes, jimmy, do you want to sing a sing or something before you leave . I go, sure. So i sang what are you doing new years eve . What are you doin new year new years eve whatever it was better than that. Anyway, i finished the song. Now the restaurant is packed everyone clapped, it was very nice and then this guy comes up he gives me a 100 bill and he goes, thats the most beautiful song ive heard. You have such a great voice. Brought a tear to my eye sylvester stallone. [ laughter ] his timing was perfect hes like, yo, that was the most beautiful thing i ever heard. It was so funny. Then i went back, watched the ball drop and went to bed at 10 30 im like, awesome new years eve. Fantastic. Guys, it can be hard to say goodbye, but sometimes you have to and there are a few things id like to say goodbye to right now its time for go on, git. [ cheers and applause go on git go on gi go on go o go on git [ laughter ] steve oh my gosh jimmy go on, go on, git, shovels. Youve been getting a free pass for far too long but its time somebody says it like it is youre just a big spoons for dirt no, go on, git and take your rakes with you we all know theyre just ground combs. [ laughter and applause go on, git, new years resolutions. Youre telling me i have to start eating more vegetables just because the earth spun all the way around the sun again [ light laughter ] big deal, new years resolutions. Im going to say to you what the police said to me when i drove my tractor on the highway so i could get to benihana before 5 00 p. M. Go on, git. [ laughter and applause steve oh, no jimmy go on, git go on, git this one splintered off a little [ laughter ] go on, git 300 Coffee Makers they sell at starbucks. You know the only reason im at starbucks is because i dont want to make my own coffee, right . Whats your end game here . That i buy one of those things and never come to starbucks again . Boy howdy, thats a bad business strategy. Thats a 2 no foam, half caff, triple pump, git [ laughter and applause go on, git, hockey pucks yall know youre just hamburgers i cant eat [ laughter ] ya cant fool me twice now go on, git [ laughter and applause go on, git, yogurts that spray a little yogurt when you open them up. [ laughter ] i shouldnt have to call in the yogurt bomb squad every time i want to enjoy some chobani while riding my horse, chobani thats right, i named my horse chobani. No, not after the yogurt, chobani, after my friend, terry chobani. Now git, spraying yogurt, git. [ applause ] steve you named your horse chobani . Jimmy go on, git, baby pandas no, im just playing with you. You can stay [ laughter ] i love you baby pandas, come on back i love you [ light laughter ] go on, git, hamburger helper hand i sure do appreciate all that you do for ground beef but lets face it, youre an abomination. An affront to nature what are you, anyway an oven mitt that wished to be a real boy it makes me ill to think about you. Id give you the middle finger but you wouldnt even know what that is because you dont have one. [ laughter ] i hate you hamburger helper hand i hate you, git. [ laughter and applause hard to see them go but im glad i got it out of my system well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause im your mother in law. And i like to question your every move. Like this left turn. Its the next one. You always drive this slow . How did you make someone i love . That must be why youre always so late. I do not speed. And thats saving me cash with drivewise. My son, he did say that you were the safe option. And thats the nicest thing you ever said to me. So get allstate. Stop bossing. Where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. This is my sons favorite color, you should try it. [mayhem] you always drive like an old lady . [tina] youre an old lady. Chilis 3 for 10 steak, cooked how you like its tender and juicy and aged to perfection that may sound fancy, but its chilis fancy so come as you are and just bring 10 bucks 3 for 10 now with steak baby steak baby steak mmmhmmm together we chilis, oh yeah baby yeah delivered to your car door so you can do more. Try drive up at target. Feels so good feels so good target run and done. I wrote this a long time ago. I dont know how old i was. I hope someday i will be on a real football team. Im katie sowers, offensive assistant coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Im not just here to be the token female, im here to help us win. The surface pro helps me get whats in my head and get it out on to the field. I would want to tell this little girl to keep pushing herself, your dreams coming. [ cheers and applause jimmy hey. Welcome back, everybody. It is time for a game of random instrument challenge here we go [ cheers and applause jimmy and playing with me is the legend himself, Shaquille Oneal [ cheers and applause jimmy wow. Thats what im talking about. Thats what im talking about. Look at that thats a stud right there. Come on. [ cheers and applause the one and only the one and only thats what im talking about. Looking good, buddy. What [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause my gosh. Happy new year. Happy new year jimmy oh, thank you. Yes jimmy unbelievable [ laughter ] im blushing im blushing [ laughter ] if youre just tuning in, this is the bachelor. [ laughter ] all right, heres the deal on your turn, you pick a card from the board which will give you a name of a random song then you pick from this box, right here and this will give you a random instrument then youll have to play that song with that instrument. And if the roots can guess what a point. re playing, you get a is that cool [ laughter ] all right, since im the host [ laughter ] since im the host, ill go first. Okay okay. Jimmy here we go which number six jimmy there we go. Six is it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay okay, and im going to play. Oh, gosh steel drum [ light laughter ] all right, here we go. [ laughter ] come on, roots, really listen. Alright . You got to really Pay Attention to this. Cause i dont know if this is going to be oh, 30 seconds on the clock. Here we go all right, go. Wait, what sorry. Oh huh [ laughter ] jimmy wait [ laughter ] questlove play the rhythm. Jimmy wait, sorry. Ready, here we go. Ready. I got it. I got it [ laughter ] this is how we do it . Jimmy yes [ cheers and applause hell no [ applause ] hell no. This is how we do it [ laughter ] what number what number . [ audience screams ] four . Got it [ light laughter ] jimmy dude, look at how big you are, dude. It feels like looks like russian dolls. I feel like i could fit inside of you [ laughter ] and wear you almost, like excuse me roots, whats an oboe [ laughter ] jimmy no oh, thats this thing . No. Jimmy that thing in front of the violin. Jimmy in front of the violin whats a violin [ laughter ] jimmy stop it. Oh, this . Yes jimmy thats the oboe . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause shaq, do it into the microphone what . I blow in it [ laughter ] okay [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ indiscernible [ cheers and applause yeah. Jimmy whip nae nae . Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah [ laughter ] jimmy nine [ audience screaming ] all right. Yeah, im ready now jimmy oh [ laughter ] jimmy a a double contra bass flute bass flute contra base . What the heck is that thing . What song am i [ laughter ] [ laughter ] i dont even how the heck do you hold it . Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy do i lift it off on this i leave it where it is i have no clue at even [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ laughter ] wait. One, two, three and [ blowing air hall and oats, man eater. [ laughter ] jimmy now, its not man eater. You cant guess. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen obviously. Who [ laughter ] jimmy obviously. [ cheers and applause [ audience screaming ] [ laughter ] oh, youre going down [ laughter ] youre going down on this one buddy. [ laughter ] electric violin the red thing . Yeah. Jimmy yep. All right, cool this is easy [ laughter ] [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god [ cheers and applause mary had a little lamb [ laughter ] [ audience screaming ] [ laughter ] jimmy thats cheating. That jimmy that was i did not mouth the words jimmy yeah [ laughter ] i wasnt watching. All right, this last round lets join forces. [ audience screaming ] and do a song. Were going to do a song together all right, here we go. Okay, thats good. Both see the instruments here we go you play, pick which one all right, i got [ laughter ] all right, i guess i got the harp okay you can pass, you want to pass jimmy no, i can do it. You go tuba, ill do harp tuba is this big thing . Jimmy tubas this thing. Whats that thing jimmy tuba, thats a a different tuba [ laughter ] all right jimmy all right. [ laughter ] what . [ laughter ] jimmy all right. [ blowing air [ laughter ] jimmy no, you got to [ laughter ] shaq you got to go like there you go [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] all right, ready [ laughter ] you cant pick a different thing. Vuvuzela jimmy oh, yeah thats this. Oh, yeah, i got that one. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy you got this one we got this one. We got this one, ready oh, yeah. Jimmy ready roots . Old town road, old town road. [ ding ] jimmy Shaquille Oneal, everybody old town road. Were going to talk to him about being a the Krispy Kremes resolution coach after the break. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause cheezit snapd. How does it taste . Its so thin, crispy and cheesy. And i just want to keep eating it. Ive done it and eating it. they love em snapd. So good, we may run out of cheese. Thanks, stef no more driving that old handmedown. Surprise no, im not gonna get a date in this. We had a lot of great dates in this car. Ugh, no. No, ew. We had a lot of great dateyour happy place. Find your breaking point. Then break it. Eve