Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713 :

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

[ laughter ] amid speculation that he could become a scapegoat, Rudy Giuliani said in a new interview that he is confident President Trump will remain loyal to him in the impeachment inquiry. Responded trump, you can count on it, randy. [ laughter ] the Trump Administration has proposed a new measure that could nearly double the cost of applying for american citizenship. Man, just be glad people still want to come here. I mean, this is like blockbuster raising its rental fees now. [ laughter ] according [ cheers and applause according to new data, senator Bernie Sanders poll numbers in iowa and New Hampshire have improved since he suffered a heart attack last month, and when he heard that, Steve Bullock started eating fistfuls of bacon. [ laughter and applause a new article has been published detailing how senator Bernie Sanders has been trying to lead a healthier lifestyle. Like, for example, he switched to the 1 . [ laughter and applause thats right, politico published an article yesterday about how senator Bernie Sanders heart attack helped him in the president ial race. Cool, said hillary, who coughed once in 2016 and fox news reported that she died. [ laughter and applause a 243 pound panda in germany received a ct scan this week for a kidney exam. So yeah, thats how much better Germanys Health care system is than ours. [ light laughter ] pandas can afford ct scans two republican officials are proposing that Staten Island secede from the rest of new york city, calling it a forgotten borough. Forgotten . You guys have your own boat. [ light laughter ] the rest of us are riding around in underground rat tunnels [ light laughter ] according [ cheers and applause love a boat. According to a new study, listening to instrumental music while driving relieves stress. A capella music, on the other hand [ crashing ] [ cheers and applause in response to a growing trend, a gynecologist in the uk is warning women not to masturbate using electric toothbrushes. She recommends using products specifically intended for that purpose, or if youre really in a pinch, a man [ laughter and applause a california man was arrested on monday after he allegedly vandalized a statue of San Francisco 49ers quarterback joe montana. Even crazier, that statue was offered a job ahead of Colin Kaepernick [ audience oohs [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause we have a great show for you tonight. Hes the star of will and grace, currently in its final season right here on nbc sean hayes is here, you guys [ cheers and applause you can see her in watchmen airing sundays on hbo, the [ cheers and applause and she is the star of dickinson, with all episodes now streaming on apple tv , Anna Baryshnikov is joining us as well. [ cheers and applause we have a great show before we get to our wonderful guests, yesterday, two key impeachment witnesses tied President Trump and Rudy Giuliani directly to the quid pro quo with ukraine. And today we saw more fallout from that bombshell. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth yesterday, we learned damning new facts about the president s direct involvement in a scheme to extort ukraine to get them to manufacture dirt on his political opponents. And yet today, a few pundits and reporters dismissed the first day of impeachment hearings, which included bombshell new testimony tying trump directly to the scheme, calling them boring one wrote that, unlike the best reality tv shows, not to mention the Trump Presidency itself, fireworks and explosive moments were scarce. And another wrote that, the first two witnesses called wednesday testified to trumps scheme, but lacked the pizzazz necessary to capture public attention. What do you mean it lacked pizzazz . The only politicians who have ever been entertaining were the ones in hamilton. [ ncerhtlike theyre in a chorus line . [ laughter ] or better yet, maybe chairman of the Committee Adam Schiff and the rest of the democrats can interpret the hearings through the music of cats. Ambassador, do jellicles engage in quid pro quo . Congressman, all i can say is jellicles can and jellicles do. [ light laughter ] but the people who were especially invested in writing off the impeachment hearings as a media spectacle were of course trumps defenders in the republican party, and on fox news to dismiss the entire thing as a fake scandal invented by democrats for tv what we will witness today is a televised theatrical performance staged by the democrats. It seems you agreed, witting or unwittingly, to participate in a drama. Well, the democrats tv show on impeachment starts tomorrow morning. We read the transcript from behind closed doors. Its almost like the pregame show and all these people fall into place as if there was a hollywood script this is a Television Show its all about trying to create some kind of environment and to create a spectacle adam schiff ve ive never seen anyone who would risk his life to jump in front of one like he does. Seth you think schiff would risk his life to jump in front of a camera . Donald trump is always on tv if trump saw a camera on the other side of a canyon, hed strap himself to a rocket like wile e. Coyote [ laughter and applause now you might remember that before the public hearings started, republicans complained about the rules, claiming that because democrats were Holding Private closeddoor depositions the process was somehow illegitimate well republicans got their wish, and democrats held their first public impeachment hearing yesterday. And then republicans were completely satisfied, and they accepted the process and never complained again well, they shouldnt be having public hearings this is a hoax seth so now you dont want public hearings, either . [ light laughter ] then what do you want . Cause its either public or private. You got to pick one. You cant treat impeachment hearings like a rookie cop defusing a bomb. Cut the red wire no, the blue wire. No, its the red wire. Wait, i got an idea. Rudy, come sit on this bomb. [ laughter ] [ applause ] but now now we very much are having public hearings and we learned something damning from the first hearing yesterday. One of the witnesses, ambassador bill taylor revealed that a staffer had overheard trump talking on the phone with one of his key henchmen, a guy named gordon sondland, about the quid pro quo with une taylor said a staffer of his recently told him about this conversation involving the president and the trump donor turned ambassador to the eu, gordon sondland. In the presence of my staff at a restaurant, ambassador sondland called President Trump and told him of his meetings in kiev the member of my staff could hear President Trump on the phone asking amb this was a cell phone, i take it it was a cell phone the president must have been speaking loud enough for your staff member to be able to overhear this . He was. Seth thats right. Trump was so loud people overheard him on the other end of the call. Im shocked he didnt just go all the way, and take the call while he was on national tv. There was nothing illegal oh, hold on. Let me take this oh good, yeah, yeah. The extortion . Great. And the bribery . Thats fantastic [ light laughter ] should we should we throw another crime in there maybe, like fraud . All right. [ light laughter ] fantastic. All right. Got to go, press conference. And then, today, the ap reported that a second u. S. Official had also heard trumps call with sondland, and yet when trump was asked yesterday about that phone call he pretended he didnt know anything about it. There was one moment where ambassador bill taylor recounted a conversation that an aide of his overheard in which the aide says that he overheard you say to sondland, how are things going with the proceeding with the investigd cayou fill in som i know nothing about that first time ive heard it do you recall having a conversation w bit. [ laughter ] you know, trump is lyinghen he seth oh, not even a little goes overboard like that its like if you asked someone, did you rob that bank . Most people would say, of course not. Trump would say, ive never even been inside a bank. [ light laughter ] i keep all my money stuffed inside my coat thats why it always looks like that [ laughter and applause just my fortune packed in. Yet even as republicans pretended to complain about the supposed media spectacle of impeachment hearings, they were looking to get in on the act, themselves in fact, this week cnn reported that Rudy Giuliani is considering reentering the impeachment fray by launching a podcast to provide impeachment analysis of the public hearings in the house of representatives. Okay first of all, you cant do a podcast on impeachment hearings when youre a key figure in those hearings [ light laughter ] that would be like a murderer hosting an episode of dateline. [ light laughter ] tonight, i try to track down my wifes killer, and i try to get awaycheers and applause also, you cant do a crime podcast about an open and shut case theres nothing to investigate this whole thing woulde orte ep im sarah koenig on this episode, my guest is Rudy Giuliani. Rudy, did you do it . Of course, i did. [ laughter ] seth this has been serial. [ laughter ] although personally i have to say the weirdest thing about this rudy podcast story for us is that we accidentally predicted it a few months ago when we first covered rudys attempts to dig up dirt on joe biden back in may. Seth the best thing about rudy is he just admits everything we probably wouldnt have needed the Mueller Report if we had just given rudy a podcast. [ laughter ] oh, my god, were in rudys head, you guys [ light laughter ] its like in a movie when the fbi agent has to start thinking like the killer. In fact, to predict rudys next move, ive been doing the same thing he does, smoking cigars, reading my ipad and sitting on my own balls [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know, i bet rudy doing a podcast would really help trump. Can abt he always makes a convincing argument we got an anonymous wrong. Donald trump, like hunter biden says, i didnt do anything when President Trump said, i didnt do anything wrong seth oh, is that when it should have stopped . [ light laughter ] when trump said so that argument only works with 5yearolds. Clean your room. Why . Because i said so. Dammit, you got me [ light laughter ] seriously, is that your argument i have a hard time believing rudy has ever actually tried a case in a courtroom. Your honor, my client says he didnt do it, so i think we can all go home now. And on your way home, check out my new podcast, my client did it and heres how. [ laughter ] so, the first day of the impeachment hearings directly tied both trump and rudy to the ukraine scheme, which underscores yet again that rudy is a central figure in this whole thing. In fact, two of his associates who helped him dig up dirt in ukraine have already been arrested remember those two guys . Lev and igor those are their real names [ light laughter ] although, its impossible to keep track of which one is which. They look like they played theue of home alone. [ laughter ] but we found out we found out this week that trump had at least ten separate interactions with these guys, which means trump was lying when he said he had no idea who they were when they were first arrested last month. Sir, what conversations have you had with lev parnas and igor fruman . I dont know those gentlemen. Seth oh, you dont know those gentlemen . Whenever and idiot like trump suddenly refers to 18th century diction, you know hes nervous its as if your wife confronted you about an affair, and you were like, janice, why i never had the pleasure of making that gentleladys acquaintance. [ laughter ] despite what you might hear from some in the media, yesterdays impeachment hearing provided damning new evidence, making clear that trump and rudy were both directly involved in the ukraine scheme everyone should watch these hearings, because they make clear without a doubt that trump and rudy are not innocent. Not even a little bit seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause m well be right back with sean hayes, everybody. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Shishito. Burrito. Raw kitfo. Fried shiso. French fry. Iced chai. Tasty. Pad thai. Baked pie. Half stack. Taco pack. Lobster mac. Baby back. Pork chop. Soda pop. Kebab. Soursop. Hot pot. Im hungry now. Noodle soup. Cantaloupe. Ice cream scoop. Whipped cream bloop. Dumpling. Chicken wing. Peking. And those crispy onion rings. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. We are americas kitchen. pau sprintern the i turned my iphone 6s are into the new iphone 11. paul its true, switch and trade in an iphone 6s or newer in any condition and get the powerful new iphone 11 for just 0 a month. sprintern magic for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com cheezit snapd. How does it taste . Its so thin, crispy and cheesy. And i just want to keep eating it. Ive done it and eating it. they love em snapd. So good, we may run out of cheese. worried im not picking it up. You pick it up im not picking it up ill pick it up theyre clean raps cuz my hineys clean. Oh yeah im charmin clean. Charmin ultra strong just cleans better. Enjoy the go with charmin. makeawish volunteer ok, hes coming,y cmon cmon. Ing here we go. little santa somali. Alika . little santa wheres kiara . little santa i got this for you. vo when you grant a childs wish, you change lives. vo you can choose makeawish to get two hundred and fifty dollars from subaru when you get a new subaru. vo 2 get 0. 9 during the subaru share the love event. Laso you can enjoy it even ifst youre sensitive. Se. Yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. Sit i said sit when better chickens are hatched, we will hatch them. Its why all of the tyson chicken that bears his name is raised with no antibiotics ever. Every nugget, strip and drumstick. Keep it real. Keep it tyson. Its important to have a reliable network. We all use it in different ways. vo everyone in your family is different. Someone is streaming sports, someone is video chatting her friend. Hi, gianna vo thats why verizon has plans to mix and match starting at just 35. And one of our best phones when you buy one. The network more people rely on, gives you more. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause also, all this week weve had the fantastic drummer for lady gaga and Camila Cabello sitting in with us hes also played with music icons like snoop, rihanna and stevie wonder. Be sure to look for his upcoming instructional book, pop, r b and gospel drumming. Chris johnson, everybody [ cheers and applause thank you, man. Seth thanks for an excellent week so happy to have you here. Hey, everybody, if you are looking for something to do this weekend, my first standup special is on netflix. Its called lobby baby. And it is fun for the whole family if everyone in your family curses. [ laughter ] theres not a lot, but, you know, if you got a 5yearold, maybe, no. [ laughter ] so good at getting out of that, yeah our first guest tonight is an emmyrd nights at 9 30 here on nbc lets take a look. The final season airs thursday grace, i need breakfast im only eating fruits, vegetables and unleavened bread for 21 days. [ laughter ] is that the bible diet . S prt. [ laughter ] jack, im worried about will. I mean, he still has the tv room set up as mccoys office and they broke up, like, three weeks ago. Its so sad will he ever find love again i mean, i dont think so but its not up to me. Seth please welcome to the show sean hayes, everybody [ cheers and applause seth sean. By the way, i could have just done that the whole segment. Seth they would have loved it i would have loved it seth we all would have loved it i would have run out of air about, like, halfway [ laughter ] really . Seth even a little dancing now tires me out a lot well, cause you have two little babies. Seth yeah, so i chase them around all day and then sure. Seth they would i was literally, this morning, chasing a 1yearold and 3yseaearold around the table and i was the one first, i was like, all right, i think were good. [ laughter ] i think this chase its enough chasing. And they, like, wave the flag to start the race. Yeah seth yeah, they just wanted to keep going. So happy youre here took you a very long time. This your first time yeah, well, i had to walk seth you walked here yeah, i had to walk seth from l. A. Yes, somebody sent me a car but it never came. Seth oh, god and that was in 2015. Seth oh, my god. [ laughter ] im so sorry about that. Yeah, so all the stuff that youve seen me, like, on tv seth yeah. That was preshot before 2015 seth wow yeah, because i was walking seth you just slowly you would take major well, walking alongside major roads . Side streets, side streets. Seth oh, side streets. Side streets. Side streets seth well, you dont want to get noticed. You dont want to get noticed. No, no, i had baseball hat. Seth yeah. Yeah. Seth just low dont you love those pele ke, those celebrities that are, like, baseball hat. But they go to, like, celeb places seth yeah. But then its, like, we can see you. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] its like but its also, like, the nicest crispest baseball hat youve ever seen. Yeah, right seth its like a baseball hat that only a very rich person would buy. [ laughter ] like, you wear my baseball hat, theyre, like, sweat rings right, right. Seth nobody thinks a famous persons under that. And mines, like, the old baseball whatever, yeah seth yeah. We exhausted that bit seth i think we did good yeah. Seth we should have gotten out a little earlier, probably yeah, but otherwise, really good [ laughter ] thats all going to make it in the cut. Seth oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, you want people to tune in. Seth yeah, yeah, yeah. We both got our starts in chicago. Youre from chicago. I feel like youre always comparing us but, yes, i did get my start [ laughter ] i did get my start in chicago. You know, when i was 21 years old, my agent called me and said, we want you to audition for in living color to replace the white guy. Seth the white guy right, which was jim carrey this is true seth yeah, wow and

© 2025 Vimarsana