Questlove 1173 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, everybody. What a crowd what a great crowd already welcome everybody. Welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for being here [ cheers and applause weve got a great show for you guys tonight well you guys, this is huge, earlier today, House Democrats unveiled the official articles of impeachment against president trump, which the media called giant, historic, and a very big deal. Thats right, the impeachment has now reached baby yoda status [ laughter ] as she announced the charges against trump, nancy pelosi called it a solemn day. Yeah, you could barely tell she was flossing behind the podium [ laughter ] the charges against the president are very grave a solemn day. [ cheers and applause at the press conference, adam schiff said for congress, the impeachment is not a matter of facts, it is rather a question of duty. Trump heard that and was like, hey, speaking of question of duty, how many times do you flush . I must do the mid teens. [ laughter ] meanwhile, Committee Chairman jerry nadler said trump, consistently puts himself above the country. And in response, trump accused nadler of consistently putting his pants above his nipples. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause nadler then said, we must be clear, no one, not even the president is above the law. Yeah, its strange, but it seemed like nadler kept using Steven Seagal movies to explain the impeachment. [ laughter ] first, he said, not even the president is above the law. Then he said, trump has left our democracy under siege, and that we made a poor, executive decision. [ laughter ] and, its congress job to be out for justice. And finally, nadler said that, even though trumps hair is red on top, theres also a fire down below. [ laughter ] he kept doing it steve there you go [ cheers and applause jimmy while the democrats were unveiling their articles of impeachment against trump, there was a photo taken at the press Conference Take a look at this. Yeah, and you can kind of tell what everyone is thinking. [ laughter ] for instance, nancy pelosi is thinking, remember, serious on the outside, Christmas Morning on the inside. [ laughter ] Carolyn Maloney is thinking, i think those five shots of jaeger were a bad idea. [ laughter ] here, you could tell eliot engel is thinking, i think theres some soup on my mustache better get it real quick. [ laughter ] also, jerry nadler is thinking, when does a tie get so wide that its considered a scarf . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause finally, the painting of George Washington is thinking, i shouldnt have gotten my wife a peloton for christmas. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause i just said it dont do it. [ applause ] after the press conference, a reporter on msnbc was trying to break down the articles of impeachment at the capitol, but had some competition take a look at this. Walk us through these two specific articles of impeachment. Yeah, recording from the halls of congress which as you can hear are filled with the sounds of holiday cheer. So, lets just go with it. Going through this short document, theres two things that they were trying to demonstrate here jimmy wow. Is nancy pelosi in a good mood or what . Its like some 2020 news, Democratic Candidates have until thursday to qualify for the next debate some of them are getting very desperate. Today, cory booker tried to gain support by wearing a Bernie Sanders wig i thought that was odd [ laughter ] well, this is a big deal i saw that russia has been banned from competing in the 2020 olympics due to a doping scandal. Of course theyre disappointed, so to cheer up the athletes, russia has decided to hold its very own olympics and the events are pretty interesting. For example, you can compete in the 100 meter dash from [ laughter ] you can also compete in the chernobyl marathon [ audience ohs ] and finally, shirtless horse back riding. Its going to be very interesting. Steve wow. Jimmy very interesting [ cheers and applause steve cant wait jimmy you guys see this . I saw that a biblethemed video game is coming out, people are very excited about this, that allows you to perform miracles as jesus [ laughter ] we actually have a clip of the game this is the real game. This is the game apparently, theyve updated it, so you can perform some more modern miracles. Like putting a duvet on a comforter in less than ten minutes. [ laughter ] or turning water into white claw [ laughter ] or miracles like eating a Nature Valley granola bar without getting oat gravel all on your keyboard [ laughter ] and of course, knowing whether to swipe or insert the chip on the first try. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause steve not yet. Jimmy what steve not yet. Jimmy and finally, i saw that the ceo of away luggage is stepping down and shes being replaced with the executive from lululemon the guy from lululemon isnt sure if its a great fit but hes going to squeeze himself in there anyway. [ laughter ] we have a great show give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Hasan minhaj is here, everybody. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause jimmy we love him. Charlie puth is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause come on. Jimmy were going to talk to charlie, and hes going to perform for us as well hes a talented dude steve oh, hes a good dude jimmy guys, we have exactly, is this right is it eight shows left before we go on christmas break steve oh jimmy eight shows, which means its time for that beloved tonight show tradition. Its time for 12 days of christmas sweaters. [ cheers and applause 12 days of christma sweaters eight days left jimmy thats right every show between now and christmas, well be giving one lucky audience member a glorious christmas sweater from the countdown to christmas. [ cheers and applause now, since there are eight shows left, lets open door number eight [ drum roll wow. Im gonna come tu. Fort, bud oh, beautiful. Thank you very much. [ cheers and applause oh, my god this is like 30 pounds [ cheers and applause it is so heavy [ laughter ] hold on. What im not understanding this at all. This is the weirdest joy ham . Joy ham . Steve is that a severed hand jimmy what oh, five golden rings. [ everyone reacts wow. Steve one severed hand no, thats not true. Okay, door number eight, five golden rings i get it all right, now lets see whos going home with tonights sweater. Everyone, look at your seat number if i call your number, i need you to jump up and let me know where you are. Can i get a drum roll, please . [ drum roll who wants it who wants it, baby 420 [ cheers and applause oh, my goodness hi oh, my gosh. This is unbelievable 420 jimmy 420. Is that unbelievable thats great. Jimmy oh, my gosh. What is your name . Denise. Jimmy denise, where are you from utah. Jimmy hey, denise from utah [ cheers and applause welcome. From new york, welcome to the tonight show. In here you would totally use this sweater in utah. Thats great oh, yes jimmy theres snow up there. Thats great skiing. Jimmy skiing weather do you have anything like this no [ light laughter ] jimmy are you sure i love it jimmy this is pretty cool. Would you like to try it on . Yes jimmy its very heavy. Im not kidding. It really is [ light laughter ] im so excited. Jimmy yeah, this is denise, this is going to be i can already tell this is a a winner it is a little heavy, right . Yeah. [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you. Please turn around lets see. Wow [ cheers and applause fantastic. You look gorgeous youre a sweater model thats fantastic thank you denise from utah [ cheers and applause stick around well be right back with more tonight show everybody come on back [ cheers and applause we ordered 10,000 units. That sounds good. Pretty cool, huh . Theyre speaking to mom in japanese, and mom hears them in english. Can you understand me . Yes, i can understand you. Okay. I have a lot of questions. How do you guys fly . What does santa do in the summer . Is mrs. Claus a good cook . Do you guys get presents . Can you roller skate or ice skate . paul at spr sprintern lidays are a paul. R giving. paul aw thanks. And did you know you can give your family the gift of savings with both an unlimited plan. sprintern . And the powerful new iphone 11 included paul . For just 35 a month when you switch . sprintern whoa, what a deal paul and, sprint has a 100 total satisfaction guarantee so you and your family can try out the network and see the savings for yourself. sprintern so cool, now open it paul is it the iphone 11 . sprintern what . Howd you guess . For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back, you guys welcome back i love you come on. [ cheers and applause happy holidays, everybody. Oh, my gosh. Guys, were always striving to get better here the the tonight show. Harder better faster stronger [ laughter ] so but before every show, we put out a suggestion box for our audience just to get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things you like to see us do. So tonight, lets look inside the audience suggestion box. [ cheers and applause look into the box the suggestion box jimmy the first one here is from matt ridley he says, hey, jimmy, i love at the end of the show when you high five everyone in the audience but with so many high fives, have you ever messed one up . Thats a great suggestion, its not really a suggestion. Steve well, yeah more of a [ laughter ] jimmy but have i ever messed one up . I go at the end of the show, i high five everybody and say thank you for being here, and i appreciate that. But there was that one time. Do you remember . Its a little embarrassing i wasnt looking i actually hit someone steve oh, yeah [ laughter ] jimmy we do have it . Do we have it . Dave, can you show that . This is embarrassing [ laughter ] [ thud ] [ laughter ] [ thud sounds that was embarrassing. Steve that was embarrassing [ cheers and applause jimmy that was real i was so embarrassed steve yeah, just by accident, you hit that guy jimmy i was so embarrassed after that he guys fine we got him a tshirt after the show steve sure [ laughter ] jimmy that was so that was so embarrassing. This was from Maria Mcdonald hey, jimmy, the new starbucks cup that say merry coffee seem a little strange to me. I dont know do you think merry coffee works as a holiday greeting . Thats a great question. Theres just one way to find out, to sing it. Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for the starbucks carolers [ cheers and applause we wish you a merry coffee we wish yo a merry coffee we wish you a merry coffee and a happy new guitar [ light laughter ] jimmy new guitar new guitar. Is there a newt your newt yore here . New year year jimmy new year new ohh. And a happy new year [ cheers and applause jimmy there you go give it up for the starbucks carolers everybody [ cheers and applause i think it works merry coffee, everybody. Here is another suggestion here this is from Rachel Rachel dawson. Steve oh jimmy hey jimmy, i was hoping you could help make a a Christmas Wish come true for my son chard. Steve like chard her sons name is chard. [ laughter ] all right. Chard. Chard . Jimmy come on, man come on. [ laughter ] jimmy, i was hoping you could help make a Christmas Wish come true for my son chard. [ laughter ] his favorite celebrities are robert de niro, paul mccartney, and the minions. And his Favorite Song is the 2007 hit the cupid shuffle. Can you somehow combine those . Well, were all about making dreams come true here at the tonight show, and we were able to pull some strings so ladies and gentlemen, give it up for robert de niro, paul mccartney, and a minion all doing the cupid shuffle. [ cheers and applause im going down down do your danc do your dance down down do your danc do your dance to the righ to the right to the right to the right to the left to the lef to the lef to the left now kic now kick now kick now kick m now walk it by yourself now walk it by yourself [ cheers and applause jimmy there you go thank you very much. Come on, that was fantastic. I hope that makes your christmas magical, chard thank you. Thank you guys for being here. Lets get another suggestion [ cheers and applause amazing. This ones from michael jorgan jimmy, i need help figuring out how to light my tree can you help . Oh, yeah lighting a tree can be tough but fortunately, we made a a little tutorial with our friend and Tree Lighting expert kevin melman take a look. Lighting a Christmas Tree can be overwhelming, but its really simple. You just string the lights around the tree in even layers with an even amount of space between. Then once youve done that, plug them in and witness the magic. [ short circuiting ] [ coughing ] thats how you light your tree back to you, jimmy jimmy aww, thank you very much i hope hes okay were down to our last suggestion here. [ applause ] this ones from jenny burke. It says, hey, jimmy, youre so close to radio city music hall if you shouted loud enough for the rockettes, could they hear you . Thats a great question. Lets try it out hey, rockettes [ screaming Rockettes Rockettes [ laughter ] i hear jimmy. Lets go [ cheers and applause jimmy wait i think theyre already here ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the radio city rockettes. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my gosh. Fantastic. Thank you so much. Thats all the time we have for audience suggestions box the Christmas Spectacular starring the radio city rockettes is running through january 5th at radio city music hall stick around well be right back with hasan minhaj [ cheers and applause the wait is over. Tmobile is lighting up 5g nationwide. While some 5g signals go only blocks, tmobile 5g goes miles. Beyond the big cities to the small towns. To the people. Now, millions of americans can have access to 5g on tmobile. And this is just the beginning. Tmobile, the first and only nationwide 5g network. Twice as long as the why law requires . Beam because whats a couple more years when you have seven generations looking over your shoulder. Dont. Even. Think about it. Jim beam. Raised right. i love watching the weather. Hello, my name is itsy bitsy. Rain again . robin hahahaha statler thats impossible. I always plan ahead lets try one more time. kermit ha robin, what do you think of the story so far . robin gee, ive always liked arachnids. Solid opening. Boy, cant wait to see how it ends. waldorf what a coincidence i cant wait for it to end too Waldorf Statler oh hahahaha statler vo portal from facebook. Oh yes and its on rollback. So cool shes going to love this. Sound bar . So she can watch her cartoons in surround sound. And football. And football. [ dramatic music ]ing ] ahhhh ahhhh elliott. You came back [ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest and one of our favorites he is the peabody awardwinning host show of his hit show patriot act with hasan minhaj. You can see new episodes every sunday on netflix. Please welcome hasan minhaj. [ cheers and applause jimmy whoo, hasan. Whoa. Jimmy welcome back to the show oh, thank you jimmy great to have you here ive been watching your show this season. Its fantastic ive been noticing that youve been getting a lot of the president ial candidates on your show yeah. I mean, well, theres 23 people running to be president. Jimmy thats true. [ laughter ] its, like theyre going to trickle in on your show at some point. Jimmy yeah theres a guy named tom steyer running for president. Jimmy sure [ laughter ] does anyone know who tom steyer is . Hes not your High School Guidance counselor this is, like a jimmy thats not tom steyer hes a billionaire and yet no one knows who he is [ laughter ] that kind of defeats the purpose of being a billionaire [ laughter ] jimmy yeah you really messed it up you could have just bought your way for us to know that, but i guess not. Jimmy yeah you know, bernie is going to be on the show this week jimmy oh, thats good too. And we filmed with him the same day we shot with him last week and he was on the show with you last week. Jimmy yeah, he came on our show yeah, and he sat down and hes, like hasan i go to go and i was, like why . And hes, like i got to go play basketball with jimmy fallon. And im, like you sure bernie youre going to play basketball with you know, yeah, im going to go shoot hoops, and im, like are you, and he did. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah [ laughter ] i just thought grandpa was just talking about [ laughter ] jimmy after seeing everybody here, do you have an endorsement . Are you endorsing anyone for president . [ laughter ] are you going to put me on the spot like that jimmy jimmy im not putting you on the spot like that. Yeah, i mean, why not . I already wished you Merry Christmas. I mean [ laughter ] a tonight show exclusive. Lets do it. You guys ready jimmy drum roll. [ applause ] [ drum roll in the 2020 election, i, hasan minhaj endorse kamala harris. Lets go lets go lets go [ light laughter ] jimmy no, no, im sorry. For the people. Jimmy no, no, hasan. No, she dropped out of the race she dropped out. Shes not running. Dude. [ laughter ] were a weekly show. Were not daily. I havent caught up yet. [ laughter ] jimmy no, im sorry to tell you this are you serious jimmy im sorry to tell you this dude, jimmy, she had the whole package. Jimmy well, yeah what her father is jamaican. Her mother is indian she managed to do the one thing every indian dude wishes they could do be black [ laughter ] she did it she nailed it. Jimmy yeah no, she dropped out. [ laughter ] oh, my god. You guys jimmy yeah, sorry hasan. Oh, my gosh. Youre getting yourself in so much trouble on camera i got so much swag and everything jimmy you got swag [ laughter ] well, you had andrew yang on your show. Hes not black. You know that. [ laughter ] l jimmy yeah no, no, but what im saying no, hes asian he yeah, but we went to chinatown last week for the show and we just wanted to see how young millennial voters, you know interacted with andrew yang. Jimmy all right. We have a clip everyone take a look at this clip here. Hasan minhaj and andrew yang do you know who he is no. Ea i know who that is. [ laughter ] would you be interested in the nations first asianamerican president [ bleep ] hell yeah hell yeah. Im asian, right yes. So, you would vote for that person for sure . Yeah. Like, no doubt . Yes well, youre looking at him this is yeah. Youre kidding . Hes been doing literally every interview and press highlight he possibly could. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause jimmy hes a go