Has never heard of a category 5 hurricane before, despite puerto rico being hit with one in 2017 said trump, well, ive also never heard of puerto rico [ laughter ] so President Trump faced International Criticism this weekend after he was seen playing golf instead of staying in the office to monitor the progress of Hurricane Dorian though, honestly, would that be better [ light laughter ] making trump monitor the hurricane would be like making your 4yearold do the dishes. After about five minutes, youd be like, you know what, tyler, just go out and play [ laughter ] go out and play. [ cheers and applause President Trump fired his personal assistant last week after it was reported that she made derogatory comments about his family to members of the White House Press pool though that wasnt the main thing he was angry about weve had a pool this whole time [ laughter ] find out where the pool is. [ applause ] the white house recently provided reporters with a 26point list of what it considers to be President Trumps key accomplishments. Though, i have to say, its not very encouraging [ laughter ] according to reports, prince harry and Meghan Markle are considering buying a house in malibu of course, theyll have to run it by their queen mother first [ laughter ] disney world closed early today in preparation for Hurricane Dorian, while seaworld told their whales to shut up and enjoy the fresh water. [ laughter and applause bugatti has become the first car manufacturer to come out with a vehicle capable of going over 300 Miles Per Hour it comes fully loaded, as will your pants [ laughter and applause the Washington Post has published an article about a trump impersonator who has seen an increase in business since the 2016 election. Before that, it was just once a year on erics birthday. [ audience oohs [ laughter and applause oh, i dont know, you look a little different. Im your dad. Lets just take a picture. [ laughter ] taylor swift is facing criticism from people in the uk for her new song, london boy, which they say does not accurately portray the city specifically, when she sings about eating a basket of fish and fries under big bill [ laughter ] a 52yearold former navy a fasshman at yale. Gan classes when asked how he got in, he said, through that air vent up there. [ laughter ] and finally, according to a new study, nearly half of americans have worn the same pair of underwear at least two days in a row. Thats right thats right nearly half of americans are men. [ laughter and applause all right, everybody weve got a great show for you tonight. She is a United StatesSupreme Court justice and her Childrens Book just ask be different, be brave, be you, is available now. Justice Sonia Sotomayor is here tonight, everybody [ cheers and applause our first Supreme Court justice. You can see her in the third season of hbos the deuce, which returns september 9th, Maggie Gyllenhaal is back. [ cheers and applause this is very exciting. Shes an acclaimed writer and journalist whose new book, inconspicuous consumption is on stands now. Tatiana schlossberg is joining us [ cheers and applause we got a great show for you tonight. Before before we get to our wonderful guests, a dangerous hurricane is heading toward the u. S. And the president has been saying some very dumb stuff about it for mo on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth Donald Trumps first and only goal has always been enriching and protecting himself. In fact, you might remember that during his congressional testimony, trumps exfixer Michael Cohen recounted that trumps president ial bid began solely as a way to advertise his personal brand and make money, calling it the greatest infomercial in political history. And one of the very specific promises trump made in his year and a half long infomercial was that he was the only candidate who could protect americans, like the time he aired an ad that ended with the slogan, donald trump will protect you, he is the only one who can. [ laughter ] which is not only wrong but incredibly creepy. It sounds like something that would be scribbled on a note slipped under the door [ laughter ] by a stalker at a lifetime movie. You expect to hear that after your estranged husband appears on the balcony in a thunderstorm [ laughter ] donald, you startled me. Ill protect you, cynthia, im the only one who can. [ thunder [ cheers and applause so, if you saw the trump infomercial and you bought the product, thats what he claimed you were getting a president who would protect you from danger and if you order now, two free travelsized containers [ laughter ] but now its clear as its ever been that much like any other product you buy from an infomercial, it was a lot [ bleep ] than it looked on for example, trump was asked this weekend about a rebel faction in the country of colombia known by its spanish acronym, farc, whose former leader has called for a return to violence after a peace deal this is obviously a major Foreign Policy issue that any president should have at least a basic knowledge about and yet when trump was asked about it he barely seemed to even know what the reporter was talking about about colombia, how do you feel about former farc leaders coming to the colombia, you said . Yeah, colombia. Former leaders of farc youre talking about the country of colombia . Yeah. We have a great relationship and theyre not doing badly. They have a problem because of venezuela. Lot of people are pouring in, but colombia, weve had a great relationship with colombia seth good lord its like when the dumbest kid in your class is giving an oral report and stalling for the bell but hes so dumb he forgot class just started [ laughter ] colombia, you say yeah, sure, here we go buckle up, everybody, because here comes an oral report about colombia which is a country, that is our friend come on, ring, bell, ring. Donald, its 9 01. Also, what do you mean youre talking about the country of colombia what else could he be talking about . Did you think he was talking about columbia pictures . We have a great relationship with columbia. In fact, were right now in the process of obtaining a vhs copy of the shawshank redemption. [ laughter ] of course, trump probably thinks farc is just how they say fork in boston. Honey, we dont need new silverware, ill just go to dunkys and steal some plastic farcs. [ laughter and applause so trump maybe doesnt know theres a country called colombia and then theres trumps ignorance when it comes to Hurricane Dorian, a category 2 hurricane currently approaching the u. S. Trump apparently knows just as much about hurricanes as he does about colombia because when it was first classified as a category 5 hurricane, trump went out of his way to say he had no idea what that was dorian is the fourth category 5 hurricane to threaten the u. S. Since President Trump took office. But the president said at a fema briefing yesterday, hes never heard of such a thing. Im not sure that ive ever even heard of a category 5 i knew it existed, and ive seen some category 4s, you dont even see them that much a category 5 is something that i dont know that ive ever even heard the term other than i know its there [ laughter ] seth what what do you mean youve never heard of a category 5 hurricane youve already had three of them as president [ light laughter ] youve definitely heard of them, you just forgot. Is that why youre wearing a hat that says usa to remind you of which country youre in . God bless the [ laughter ] usa. Also, thats not [ applause ] thats not what anyone wants to hear from the president when a hurricane is bearing down on them its like, if you called 911 and the operator said, [ bleep ]. 104degree fever i didnt know they went that high [ laughter ] gary gary did you know it went to 104 . [ light laughter ] gary knew. [ laughter ] but the weirdest thing about this is its not even the first time trump has used this line. In fact, he has repeatedly claimed throughout his presidency that hes never heard of a category 5 hurricane before theyve never seen a category like this come in because it came in really at a 5. It was a category 5. I never even knew a category 5 existed [ laughter ] this has been a category 5 which few people have ever even heard of a category 5 nobodys ever heard of a 5 hitting land category 5 hurricane category 5 never heard about category 5s before got hit as a 5 category 5 storm which literally never happened so weve never seen it actually touchdown as a category 5. People have never seen anything like that. Seth the best part of that montage are that the faces of the people around him are definitely saying they have heard of a category 5 before [ laughter ] look at that, that is the face of a guy thinking, yeah, i can count to 5 trump is incapable of and uninterested in delivering on the basic duties of his office in fact, he often makes the situation worse, like when he tweeted on sunday, in addition to florida, south carolina, north carolina, georgia, and alabama, were most likely be hit much harder than anticipated looking like one of the largest hurricanes ever. Already category 5 be careful god bless everyone. Okay first of all, why is the word, much, [ laughter ] in parentheses like its a secret theyll be hit harder much harder. [ laughter ] second, and most importantly, trump was wrong because 20 minutes later the National Weather service had to issue a clarification saying, and this is real, alabama will not see any impacts from dorian. We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane Dorian will be felt across alabama the system will remain too far east the president of the United States said an entire state was in danger from a hurricane when it wasnt and the government had to correct him i hope we never see another wildfire ever again, but if you do, can you imagine the trump tweet . Wildfires spreading quickly from california to new jersey to spain. [ laughter ] everyone in barcelona, be careful, and god dios, bless you. Seriously, what . [ cheers and applause whatever corrections is the government going to have to put out as trumps brain continues to deteriorate were like a week away from the Justice Department tweeting, contrary to the president s tweet, the joker is not a threat [ light laughter ] hes a character in a movie played by joaquin phoenix. There is no evacuation of gotham under way, nor is gotham a real place. [ light laughter ] trump inaccurately spreading disinformation about dangerous hurricane heads toward the u. S. , despite the fact that he made a big show of staying in washington to monitor the storm and even skipped a trip abroad sending Vice President mike pence instead President Trump announcing today that he is canceling his trip to poland this weekend because of Hurricane Dorian. The poland trip was intended to mark the 80th anniversary of the beginning of world war ii. The Vice President mike pence will attend in the president s place. Seth okay, lets be honest, i bet trump didnt want to go on this trip to begin with. He was probably happy to stay home he hates going abroad. Theres no fox news, the mcdonalds there have different menus. But he has to wear a full suit and tie instead of whatever this look is. [ light laughter ] i guess you could call this retiree chic eventually, though, theyre going to have to add a message to the top of the hat that said, if found, return to the also you know the other World Leaders were probably relieved when they heard trump wasnt showing up because when he does, he always says something insane like at the g7 in france last week when he was asked about the Climate Crisis which, of course, is making natural disasters like hurricanes far more frequent and intense. And he said this insane thing. Mr. President , there was a significant talk at the summit about Climate Change i know in the past youve harbored some skepticism of the science in Climate Change. What do you think the world should be doing about Climate Change and do you still harbor that skepticism . I feel that the United States has tremendous wealth. The wealth is under its feet ive made that wealth come alive, and im not going to lose that wealth. Im not going to lose it on dreams, on windmills, which, frankly, arent working too well im not going to lose it seth no, youve definitely lost it. [ laughter and applause youre rambling about windmills and making wealth come alive under our feet youre like an old prospector, you should be wearing a stetson hat with a canteen around your neck [ laughter ] theres riches in these hills, boys, right under our feet we just got to make it come alive [ light laughter ] on top of that, trump also used the occasion as a way to enrich himself by reportedly encouraging pence to stay at trumps private golf resort in ireland on pences way back from poland with taxpayers once again picking up the tab pence was in Ireland Holding meetings in dublin and yet he chose to stay at trumps resort which is threehour drive away, on the other side of the country. Thats like if every night when i did this show instead of going back to my apartment, i stayed at a radisson in baltimore because Lorne Michaels owned it. [ laughter ] its a nice radisson. You know, if you dont want us to wash your towels, just hang them up. [ laughter ] and when he was asked today about this obviously corrupt practice, pence clearly did not have a good answer Vice President mike pence took over the bosss duties overseas, sparking criticism by going well out of his way in ireland to stay at a trump resort there just to give you a chance to respond, democrats have criticized you today for staying at the trump property in doonbeg. They say youre enriching the president. Whats your response to that criticism . Its wonderful to be back in ireland. Seth nothing is better than watching the fake principal, holier than no one pencebot short circuit. Mr. Vice president , as a religious man, what are your thoughts on the president paying off an adult film star to cover up an affair he had while being married . [ laughter ] its great to be back in ireland. [ laughter and applause he was so flummoxed his brain literally froze. In fact, after that, he just stood there on the lawn for a few hours while technicians rewired him. [ laughter ] the president sold himself as a strongman who was uniquely seated to protecting americans and he has repeatedly made clear hes utterly incapable of even that basic task. Both because hes incompetent and because his only interest is enriching himself. Weve had corrupt, stupid president s before, but donald trump is at a level which few people have ever even heard of. [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with justice Sonia Sotomayor. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. woman banjo . man hey go home. woman banjo hi. I was so worried. Sorry, it wont happen again. man go get it there ya go. woman come on, lets go home. woman vo after 10 years, weve covered a lot of miles. Good thing i got a subaru. man looks like you got out again, huh, banjo. avo love is out there. Find it in a subaru crosstrek. It runs on doritos. Want to tr[dog barks]me machine . Okay. Yes [humming, thumping] this is the greatest moment of my life get out of my yard [birds chirping] jimmy . Youre so old. [crunch ] dove mefor the pregamet care for the ballgame for the postgame dove men plus care sport care designed for every position you play this is jamie. Youre going to be seeing a lot more of him now. Im not calling him dad. Oh, nno. Look, [sighs] i get it. Some new guy comes in helping your mom bundle and save with progressive, but hey, were all in this together. Right, champ . Im getting more nuggets. How about some carrots . You dont want to ruin your dinner. Youre not my dad thats fair. Overstepped. [ cheers and applause seth our first guest tonight is a United StatesSupreme Court justice. Her Childrens Book, just ask be different, be brave, be you, is available now please welcome to the show justice Sonia Sotomayor. [ cheers and applause seth welcome to the show i am so happy to be here. Thank you. Seth were very happy to have you we do not you are the first Supreme Court justice weve ever had on the show. This a big deal for us well, i hope not the last in person seth i hope not the last, too. Weve got eight to go. [ laughter ] i want to ask, having Supreme Court justice in a family. Mmhmm. Seth because obviously you have one, do people ever in your family ask you to rule on disagreements . Is that something that ever comes up [ light laughter ] they did once seth they did once how did they did they regret it in the end that they asked you to rule . I regretted it. Seth you regretted it, yeah. [ laughter ] nobody listens to me. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] and i would say, in an interfamily, if there was ever a time to recuse yourself, it would be that would be it. Seth yeah, that would be the time there are obviously a lot of questions id love to ask you about things, goings on at the Supreme Court but youre not in a position to answer them and i am too stupid to trick you into doing so [ laughter ]