In that case, lets get to the news during her Opening Statement in tonights democratic debate, senator Elizabeth Warren said that President Trump disgraces the office of the president every single day which isnt fair, because hes really only in the office like twice a week [ laughter ] after the first half of tonights debate, google searches for former congressman john delaney increased by 3,400 , and still no results [ laughter ] President Trump did not tweet for the entirety of tonights debate and i think we all owe a big thank you to the bachelorette finale [ cheers and applause please give it up. This weeks Second Democratic debate is split into two parts with ten candidates taking part tonight and another ten facing off tomorrow although you cant really have a substantive debate between ten people even in a threesome, somebody ends up feeling left out even if they had the best ideas. [ laughter ] tonights half of the democratic debate marked the first appearance of montana governor steve bullock, who replaced congressman Eric Swalwell who dropped out of the race. Not going to lie, still not sure which is which [ laughter ] the dnc, today, rejected a poll that president ial hopeful andrew yang was attempting to use to qualify for septembers democratic debate. But i dont know, looks pretty convincing [ laughter ] President Trump spoke to a reporter today and gave his prediction to the outcome of the democratic primary why are you asking him whos going to win he didnt even predict he was going to win [ laughter ] President Trump also said today that he thinks former Vice President joe biden will get the democratic nomination, but will, quote, limp across the finish line. As opposed to trump who only limps when hes asked about vietnam. [ cheers and Applause Police in new york helped an expected mother give birth in the parking lot of costco yesterday morning, but since it was costco, she had to do it in bulk [ laughter ] uber announced, yesterday, it has laid off 400 employees from its Marketing Team well, it didnt so much lay them off as it did drop them off a few blocks before their destination. [ light laughter ] and finally, today was Arnold Schwarzeneggers 72nd birthday. And wow. I mean, he looks great when asked what his secret was, he said, i have a second family. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause her standup special not normal is emmynominated and currently available to stream on Netflix Wanda Sykes is here tonight, everybody. And hes a pulitzer prizewinning journalist, activist, and author of dear america, notes of an undocumented citizen, Jose Antonio Vargas is here, as well [ cheers and applause we have a great show for you tonight. Before we get to our guests, tonight was the first round of the second series of democratic president ial debates for more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth of course, just because it was the democrats big night doesnt mean donald trump could stay out of the news in fact, hes physically incapable of it. Im shocked he didnt crash through the walls of the debate stage in his golf cart [ light laughter ] trump, as usual, spent the morning screaming at the tv all day, on twitter, ranting about everything from his racist attacks on baltimore to trade to morning talk shows to a possible infrastructure build, tweeting, do i hear the beautiful word bipartisan . i dont know, do you lets listen in a few moments, i will sign a bar bipartisan bill seth of course, a bar partisan is someone who only votes while drunk okay. So, how do i get out of this booth . [ light laughter ] also, how do you mess up the word bipartisan . Its like the most popular word in politics. Thats like messing up the Word Congress or lawmakers. Law markers [ laughter and applause seth all right trump was also asked today if his racist attacks on congressman Elijah Cummings in baltimore were part of some sort of calculated political strategy, which is both clearly not true and also doesnt matter its just who trump is hes a racist. Thats how he sees the world and when he was asked today if it was some sort of grand strategy, he said this theres no strategy i have no strategy theres zero strategy. [ light laughter ] seth that would be an accurate trump response to literally any question [ cheers and applause mr. Trump mr. Trump, when you stand up straight, are you intentionally puffing your chest out like an angry kangaroo i had no i stand like this i stand like this because my bones are hollowed out from the diet coke. [ light laughter ] today was a day of seemingly accidental confessions from trump, because he was also asked by reporters about a bipartisan Election Security bill that Senate Majority leader Mitch Mcconnell is blocking. Trump tried to defend mcconnell from accusations that hes essentially aiding russia, but i dont think trumps comment was helpful. Mitch mcconnell is a man that knows less about russia and russias influence than even donald trump and i know nothing seth i agree [ laughter and applause i mean, this is a crazy day. And, again, an answer that could work for literally any question. After his presidency is over and they haul him in on obstruction of justice charges, hes going to be sitting in interrogation rooms telling the cops, it was all mike pences idea. I know nothing. [ light laughter ] seth all of this is why whatever you think of the democrats, it was a relief and change of pace to at least hear a bunch of people who can speak in coherent sentences about actual policies. The only time Elizabeth Warrens ever been a bar partisan is when she drank a beer that one time on Instagram Live [ light laughter ] now, warren was one of the leading contenders coming into tonights debate along with her close ideological ally and longtime friend Bernie Sanders. And coming into the debate tonight, there were a lot of questions about how theyd handle their friendship. The media couldnt help but speculate would they go after each other or would they team up to go after the moderates on stage. Tonight, the frontrunners in the center of the stage are going to be Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren and one of the Big Questions is theyre political allies, will they go after each other they kind of seem to have a pact they wont go after each other. Does that pact live through the evening . They are seen as competing for some of the same voters. So, does she try to create differentiation with senator sanders or focus on joe biden or do a different thing i think sanders and warren are more likely to team up against some of the more moderate candidates on stage seth thats right. They should team up, like a wrestling duo. Warren could start by giving a lengthy explanation for her plans for a wealth tax on assets over 50 million and then bernie could tagin and hit a billionaire over the head with a chair. [ laughter ] and then there was the rest of the field. Everyone was looking for their moment to stand out. And there were Big Questions for each of them questions like, who the hell are these guys . Would beto bust out his spanish again . And since corey booker wasnt on stage, would he make this face at home . [ laughter ] would tim ryan get caught touring the debate stage again looking like a pledge from sigma chi . And would Marianne Williamson explode into a thousand butterflies that spell out the word love . and then once the debate got started, cnn chose to have the candidated come on stage, individually, for intros like they were the original star trek cast at comiccon. While some candidates obviously had big fan bases, others got more muted reactions senator Bernie Sanders. [ cheers and applause senator Elizabeth Warren [ cheers and applause mayor Pete Buttigieg [ cheers and applause former congressman john delaney. [ cheers and applause seth oh, man, what a bummer for that guy to have to follow warren, buttigieg, and bernie. [ light laughter ] its like if springsteen, bono, and the Rolling Stones all opened a concert and then they were followed by a weezer cover band [ laughter ] hey, how you guys doing tonight . Hey, one more time for mick jagger. [ light laughter ] cnn spent what seemed like an eternity going through the rigmarole of all the intros, the colorguard, the national anthem. And then, after all that, Elizabeth Warren returned the opening kickoff for a 99yard touchdown. [ laughter ] and then there was still more, because they also had Opening Statements we didnt even get to our first question until about 25 minutes in you could have just watched an entire episode of veep. [ light laughter ] in fact, im pretty sure anyone on veep wouldve had a better chance at getting elected than this guy [ light laughter ] i mean, what is this guy doing here and wheres grommet [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause of course, we did give the benefit of an Opening Statement from Marianne Williamson who, right off the bat, made it weird with her word choice in 1776, our founders brought forth on this planet an extraordinary new possibility. Seth on this planet . [ laughter ] to be clear, on the planet im from, you can only vote if you have gathered enough moon crystals to please the ancient oracle. [ laughter ] and then the democrats immediately got into it, with the moderators asking bernie to respond to former congressman John Delaneys criticisms of his medicareforall plan. You support medicare for all, which would eventually take private Health Insurance away from more than 150 million americans in exchange for governmentsponsored health care for everyone congressman delaney just referred to it as bad policy, and previously, he has called the idea political suicide that will just get President Trump reelected what do you say to congressman delaney . Youre wrong. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth thats a quick answer [ light laughter ] bernie said that like hes definitely used those words before sir, you ordered the lobster bisque. Youre wrong. I ordered the chicken soup and i want those crackers. Crackers for all. And then, after delaney and others accused bernie and warren of trying to make private Health Insurance illegal, warren stepped in to stop the bickering. Lets be clear about this we are the democrats we are not about trying to take away health care from anyone thats what the republicans are trying to do and we should stop using republican talking points in order to talk with each other about how to best provide that health care. Seth Elizabeth Warren will turn this car around right now and nobody is going to disneyland [ cheers and applause bernie and warren have standdown moments and bernie seemed especially feisty early on he was shouting over the moderators when they interrupted him, taking on the moderates like delaney and landing a big blow against congressman tim ryan senator warren, its your turn oh, but i please your time is up tonight with that talking point. On the medicare for all, the hospitals will save substantial sums of money, because theyre not going to be spending a fortune doing billing and the other bureaucratic things that they have to do today. Second of all, maybe you did that and made money off of healthcare, but our job is to run a nonprofit Healthcare System medicare for all is comprehensive. It covers all healthcare needs for senior citizens. It will finally include dental care, hearing aids, and eye glasses. But you dont know second of all you dont know that, bernie second of all i do know. And i wrote the damn bill. [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] seth tim ryan better hope medicare for all passes because hes going to need some health care for that burn [ laughter and applause bernie scared him so bad, ryan turned white as a sheet 40 years ago. [ light laughter ] tim ryan got hit so hard, his hat flew back on to his head [ laughter ] you know bernie was waiting for that moment to be challenged on a bill you wrote is a politicians dream its like if j. K. Rowling was on jeopardy and one of the categories was boy wizards. [ laughter ] but it seemed like all the moderates wanted a shot at warren or bernie tonight at one point, they debated the question of whether a selfdescribed democratic socialist like bernie could take on trump and former Governor John Hickenlooper even tri to mock bernies mannerisms, which only encouraged bernie so, again, i think if were going to force americans to make these radical changes, theyre not going to go along. Throw your hands up, but you all right whoa, i can do it seth i feel like thats the first and only time John Hickenlooper has said, throw your hands up. [ laughter ] and dont challenge bernie to pull a bernie. [ light laughter ] oh,nd let me guess, youre going to do that thing with your finger. Okay, i will do it and im gonna point it right at you. And then when the moderates kept challenging warren on her plans, claiming her ideas were either impossible or politically impractical, she delivered what seemed like a thesis statement for her candidacy and for the night. You know, i dont understand why anybody goes to all the trouble of running for president of the United States just to talk about what we really cant do and shouldnt fight for [ cheers and applause seth yeah, i mean, whats the point of running for president if all your positions are about stuff you cant do its like if Ronald Reagan had said, mr. Gorbachev, make this wall a little shorter. [ light laughter ] yeah [ laughter ] one of the one of the flashpoints [ light laughter ] one of the flashpoints in this divide between the progressives and the moderates was the Climate Crisis the candidates disagreed over ambitious proposals like the green new deal, and again, ryan tried to take on bernie. What do you do with an industry that knowingly for billions of dollars in shortterm profits is destroying this planet . I say that is criminal activity. That cannot be allowed thank you, senator sanders. Congressman, your response i would just say i didnt say we couldnt get there until 2040, bernie you dont have to yell seth oh, no. He absolutely does have to yell. [ laughter ] bernies been kicked out of every library in vermont [ laughter ] hes like the bus from speed. If he goes under 100 decibels, his hair will explode. [ light laughter ] this debate basically seemed like a bunch of moderates trying to take on warren and bernie, and warren and bernie teaming up to send them off it was like watching Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen take on the washington generals. In fact, at one point, john delaney was again called on to debate warren over her proposal to impose a wealth tax on assets over 50 million and she managed to debate delaney just with her facial expressions. We can raise the Capital Gains rate to match the ordinary income you know the last president to do that was actually Ronald Reagan. We can do that in our first year ive called for that to be done and itll double the earned income tax credit. I called for the expansion of universal prek, so that every american has prek seth damn. Even when shes not talking, shes winning. Its like when youre on the subway next to a crazy guy and you try to signal your friend you want to move without talking. [ laughter ] also, look at how she rubs her hands when the wealth tax comes up your estimated net worth is more than 65 million. That would make you subject to senator warrens proposed wealth tax on the assets of the richest 75,000 homes, households, or so in the United States [ cheers and applause seth i mean, she was like j. K. Rowling if the final jeopardy category was boy wizards. And then, of course, there was Marianne Williamson, again, who gave this answer on the flint water crisis flint is just the tip of the iceberg. I was recently in denmark, south carolina, where it is theres a lot of talk about it being the next flint we have an administration that has gutted the clean water act we have communities, particularly communities of color, and disadvantaged communities all over this country who are suffering from environmental injustice. I assure you, i lived in Grosse Pointe what happened in flint would not have happened in Grosse Pointe this is part of the dark underbelly of American Society seth wait, was that good [ light laughter ] is Marianne Williamson like one of those albums you have to listen to a couple of times before you figure out what they were trying to do . Is Marianne Williamson jazz . Lets hear some more you cant fight dog whistles, you have to override them. And the only way you