Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240714 :

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240714

Chairman Elijah Cummings and called cummings primarily black district a, quote, disgusting rat and rodentinfested mess. Adding, quote, no human being would want to live there. Now, that sounds racist [ laughter ] President Trump today continued his attacks [ laughter ] on representative Elijah Cummings and the city of baltimore. Tweeting, quote, baltimore can be brought back, maybe even to new heights of success and glory, but not with king elijah and that crew. Well, okay bane. [ laughter and applause next trumps going to tweet, we have 12 hours to find what hes buried in the ravens 50 yard line. [ light laughter ] the clock is ticking, mr. Cummings. [ light laughter ] my banes Getting Better [ light laughter ] according to politico, President Trump reads at least four newspapers a day, though i think that number will go down once he realizes you can open them [ laughter ] oh, no. Oh oh, theres so many more [ cheers and applause theres more sections. [ light laughter ] thats right President Trump reads four newspapers a day, and he laughs just as hard the fourth time he reads garfield. [ laughter ] publishers have announced that duchess Meghan Markle will guest edit the September Issue of british vogue. And this is cool, Queen Elizabeth will guest edit an issue of high times. [ laughter ] according to reports, the first lady of japan may have pretended not to speak english after she was seated next to President Trump [ laughter ] at an event at the recent g20 summit you could speak english this whole time . Said trump to melania. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause according to a study by the International Nut and dried fruit council, men who eat nuts have better sexual performance so you might want to keep an eye on your girl [ laughter and applause i want to assure you that my writers tried 100 times to write a story about todays nut news [ light laughter ] and that was the winner. [ laughter ] a 97yearold belgian woman claimed in a new interview that her secret to a long life is drinking between 12 and 20 glasses of beer a day, also that shes 35. [ laughter and applause the department of health and Human Services is warning that new toxic chemicals are starting to contaminate cocaine in the united states, which means its no longer safe to do tremendous amounts of cocaine [ laughter ] a texas man proposed to his girlfriend this weekend by leading her on a 15mile bike ride that spelled out the words, marry me. Fortunately, it only took her two miles to answer. [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause and finally, two weeks ago, a series of Group Chat Messages sent by the governor of puerto rico and his advisers leaked to the press. It contained misogynistic and homophobic comments and a conversation where the group laughed about victims of hurricane maria. After years of political corruption, it was the last straw. So Puerto Ricans took to the streets to demand the governors resignation. One of our writers, jenny hagel, is puerto rican, and shes here to comment [ cheers and applause thanks, seth. Earlier this month Puerto Ricans obtained evidence that their leader was corrupt and immoral so what did they do . Wait two years for Robert Mueller to write the worlds longest book report . No they took matters into their own hands. They staged a twoweeklg protest demanding that the governor resign. And they made the whole thing look like a giant party. Take a look. [ singing in Foreign Language [ singing in Foreign Language [ singing in Foreign Language ] thats a political protest. That looks more fun than most weddings [ cheers and applause plus, its not every day you get to see someone fight injustice with a cowbell [ laughter ] everyone was out in the streets, young people, old people, even spiderman [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause or as hes known in puerto rico, pedro parker. [ laughter ] protesters played instruments in the streets and people who didnt have instruments banged pots and pans. Watch this woman stand up to a group of Police Officers in riot gear [ banging pot [ laughter ] were over here on the mainland going, the news is so overwhelming, what can i do . And this womans like, do you have a pot [ laughter ] bang it. [ cheers and applause yeah these demonstrations brought out the best in everyone ten years ago, ricky martin was in the closet. Last week, he was in the middle of that protest on top of a truck waving this flag [ cheers and applause its like hes performing in a way more fun revival of les mis. [ laughter ] by the way, its not a coincidence that ricky martin was there. In those leaked text messages, a Government Official made a homophobic joke about him. Imagine insulting a celebrity on a text chain with your friends and then that celebrity comes for you in real life thats terrifying. [ light laughter ] thats like if you said you didnt like the Season Finale of big little lies, and then suddenly meryl streep was outside your window. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause but heres the thing about the demonstrations in puerto rico. They werent just cool they worked. After two weeks, the governor resigned Puerto Ricans got their corrupt leader out of office in two weeks. Weve had 2 1 2 years and we cant get ours off twitter [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause donald trump thinks Puerto Ricans arent americans. Well, last week, they were the best example of americans. They exercised their rights to free speech and free assembly. And they peacefully protest a wrong until they made it right, plus they avenged ricky martin [ laughter ] so lets follow their example. Call your representatives. Volunteer. Canvass. Protest. And if that seems like too much, do you have a pot . Bang it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth seth jenny hagel, everybody. We have a fantastic show for you tonight. Hes the host of last week tonight on hbo. Our friend john oliver is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause a legendary, legendary pitcher for the new york yankees currently in his final season, cc sabathia is joining us. [ cheers and applause and we will have music from mini mansions. Theyre a fantastic band [ cheers and applause im so happy theyre here. Well, before we get to all of our wonderful guests, another weekend, another racist outburst from our racist president. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth seems impossible now, but there was a time not so long ago when youd go a whole weekend without hearing a word from the president that was when we had a president who actually did stuff obama wasnt tweeting all day, because he was busy reading, Holding Meetings or at the very least, working out i mean, look at that [ cheers and applause on top of being president , he was recording instructional fitness videos [ light laughter ] that one was called obamanate your abs. [ laughter ] i mean, remember you could just do normal stuff without your phone buzzing constantly, because the president said something racist and insane it used to be when you were in the Grocery Store and heard someone say son of a bitch, it was because they were out of paper towels now its because they looked down at their phone and saw the president scream tweet something in all caps like the bust of Abraham Lincoln is spying on me, not nice. [ laughter ] trumps malignant narcissism wont let him go five seconds without being the center of attention. All day every day theres trump on every tv you pass by, sweating, red faced, fighting with reporters, doing that thing where he points at his head to show everyone he knows where his brain is [ laughter and applause the doctors say it looks like a pumpkin the guy left on the stoop for too long. [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause this is this is our life now. Long, long after he leaves office, his dumb face will be burned into our flat screens even when theyre turned off [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] on top of that, trump spends all day searching for ways to blame or attack enemies, for literally anything no matter what it is. For example, on friday he was asked if he was planning an extended stay at his bedminster resort in new jersey and in his response he found a way to take a truly insane swipe at obama over the airconditioning in the white house. So i go to bedminster which is a beautiful place, but its never a vacation its working mostly. Are you planning a trip to bedminster over an extended period of time i hope not, because i like working. Id rather be right here, but probably over a short period of time a lot of times you go, and they do a lot of work in the white house. For instance, the Obama Administration worked out a brandnew airconditioning system for the west wing and it was so good before they did the system now that they did the system, its freezing or hot in here [ light laughter ] seth well, maybe its hot, because youre president , and this is hell and maybe its freezing, because when you were elected, hell froze over [ cheers and applause trump has been losing his mind in part over the various congressional investigations of his corruption, because hes a fundamentally lawless president. And one of the democrats charged with investigating trump in congress is maryland congressman Elijah Cummings. Hes the chair of the House Oversight committee, so its literally his job to conduct oversight of the administration. For example, cummings has criticized and held hearings on the cruel and inhumane conditions in border detention centers, which even trumps own department of Homeland Security called dangerous in a report released earlier this month. And cummings has also been investigating the use of private accounts to conduct official business by some of trumps closest aides and advisers cummings is doing his job by investigating trump and trying to hold this administration accountable. So naturally, trump responded the only way hes capable of, with a vile, racist tirade President Trump picked another twitter fight with an africanamerican lawmaker, calling representative Elijah Cummings a brutal bully for shouting and screaming at Trump Officials testifying before congress. The border is clean, efficient, and wellrun, just very crowded, mr. Trump tweeted. Before disparaging cummings west Baltimore District as a disgusting rat and rodentinfested mess seth so once again, he attacked a Congress Member of color by using the word, infested, just as he did two weeks ago when he told four democratic congresswomen of color, three of whom were born here and all of whom are americans to go back to the crimeinfested places from which they came. Hey man, the only thing thats infested here is your brain, you know, that one there yeah [ laughter and applause i mean, id ask id ask you to apologize to these lawmakers for your racist tirades, but you cant even say the word, lawmakers. Hes worked in both houses of congress, advising lawmarkers. Seth thats right. [ laughter ] lawmarkers as in, i think trump has been sniffing lawmarkers [ light laughter ] he keeps coming back to this racist trope, because hes a racist its the core of his ideology. On fox news sunday, trumps acting chief of staff Mick Mulvaney tried to defend the tweets, absurdly claiming they had nothing to do with race but host, chris wallace, wasnt having it. There is a clear pattern here, mick the fact is that before his inau that before inauguration, the president tweeted about john lewis, a black congressman, that he this is before his inauguration, he should spend time in his crimeinfested district. Then two weeks ago, he goes after these four members of the squad, all women of color, and says they should go back to the crimeinfested countries from which they come. Then he talks about Elijah Cummings, and he says his district is rat and rodent infested infested it sounds like vermin. It sounds subhuman that there and these are all six members members of congress who are people of color. I think youre spending way too much time reading between the lines. Does anybody im not reading between the lines. Im reading the lines. Does any seth yeah. [ laughter and applause hes just reading the lines. Its obvious its not like you need to play clips of him backwards like a beatles record to hear some sort of secret message admitting hes a racist although, i wonder if we tried it i am not racist [ laughter ] seth the only remedy for a corrupt, racist, president is impeachment. Congress needs to use their constitutional power to tell a coherent story about this president s racism, his corruption and his selfdealing. Congress needs to do their job as lawmarkers. [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. Well be right back with john oliver, everybody [ cheers and applause for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. This is a surface laptop 2. And this is a real person named mackenzie book. Hi, im mac book. So mac, which laptop lasts longer . Surface laptop lasts longer. Hmm, interesting. And which ones faster . This ones faster. Really . Amazing. Which one has a better touchscreen . 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Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause also, joining us this week, hes been the driving force behind the drum kit at Blue Man Group for the past 25 years and musical director of blue man chicago at the briar street theater and this is interesting, 23 years after teaching our own fred armisen to play drums for Blue Man Group, hes sitting in for him tonight. Jeff quay is here, everybody [ cheers and applause thank you so much for being here, jeff we really appreciate it. How was was fred a good student . He was a great student. Seth okay. I know youre just saying that but its very kind [ laughter ] our first guest tonight is the host of the emmy and peabody awardwinning show, last week tonight, which airs sunday nights on hbo please welcome back to the show our friend, john oliver, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth i oh. Seth i want to congratulate you. [ cheers and applause um okay. Seth congratulations on a couple of things congratulations on your emmy nomination oh, thank you and you. Seth welldeserved thank you very much. And more importantly, congratulations on Boris Johnson. I know hes an old friend. Oh. Yes. [ laughter ] youre stretching the the term friend to a shattering point there, but yes yes. Britain has done it. Well, i mean not really britain, so much as 100,000 members of the conservative party have decided that hes the best answer the question, how do you un[ bleep ] this situation . [ laughter ] yeah seth youve obviously a lot of people have drawn the parallel between trump and johnson. And yet sure. Seth youve pointed out that the difference is that that boris is only pretending to be dumb yes [ laughter ] yeah its yeah the difference between there are superficial similarities between trump and johnson, obviously. But there is it is very tactical you know, there was you never think that trump is playing chess mentally [ laughter ] or that he knows how to play chess. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] i have no doubt that hes been to the chessboard and moved the pieces and said checkmate [ laughter ] seth yeah. With the kind of confidence that makes you wonder whether he knows the rules better than you do but [ light laughter ] no, no, johnson, like, throughout his whole life has been very, very good at kind of charming his way out of difficult situations and its not going to work this time but there is basically because he has for the first time a problem that where his charm will not apply getting through brexit in 100 days or just getting past, you know, the deadli

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