[ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy hi hi, everybody. Welcome thank you, thank you, roots. Everyone, please have a seat welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Thank you so much for being here its a good show tonight great show tonight Chris Hemsworth is here. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause jimmy the Jonas Brothers are here [ cheers and applause i love those guys. I love Chris Hemsworth, too. When i talk to him, its like im looking in a mirror. Steve really [ laughter ] jimmy yeah you guys, everybody is excited about the world cup and the u. S. Womens National Soccer team did you see that [ cheers and applause that game was amazing. They beat thailand 130. [ cheers ] people in thailand were like, how could you do this after we made your uniforms . You know [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] you gotta feel for thailand, though its a tough way to start the tournament its the worst thing to happen to a Thai Soccer Team that didnt involve getting trapped in a cave. [ audience ohs ] guys, millions of people tuned in to watch the womens team and down in miami, a bar offered a special promotion to get people to come watch the game with them but in hindsight, im not sure it was such a good idea. Watch this american social, thats the name of the bar, offered free shots for every usa goal [ audience ohs ] oopsies. Jimmy 13 goals oh, my gosh. Then the thailand goalie thailands goalie is like, whats the big deal i did a shot after every goal, too. Forget thailand. The real loser yesterday was every uber driver in miami i mean, please [ laughter ] lets get to some political news today, everybody is talking about a new National Poll that just came out that shows how President Trump would do against all the top democrats. Take a look at this. Yeah, trumps behind everybody actually, i just heard right now hes even losing to the thailand womens soccer team steve really [ cheers and applause really jimmy unbelievable but its true. Everybody is already talking about these polls and as we all know from the past, polls do a a great job predicting what really happens clinton is leading donald trump nationally by nine points 5243. Jimmy yeah so if you want to know how much these polls matter, just ask president hillary clinton. [ laughter ] so youll see. Yeah [ applause ] these polls matter well meantime, out in the campaign trail, joe biden and trump have been trading insults all week trumps been saying that biden is too old to be president well, reporters asked biden about his age and stamina. Check out how he responded theres been a lot of questions about your schedules and that its been a little lighter than some of the other candidates look at him and look at me and answer the question [ audience ohs ] jimmy a biden staffer was like, okay, whose turn is it to remind him about personal space . Okay [ laughter and applause your turn . My turn . Can we hear bidens voice again . Look at him and look at me, and answer the question. Jimmy is he trying to become president or batman [ laughter ] im biden im biden. Well, between now and the election, there is still a lot to keep the president busy today, i saw that trump met with the president of poland in the oval office. And trump talked about his speech that he gave last time went to poland take a look. I could say it, but i dont want to say it but some people said it was the best speech ever made by a a president in europe. But i did not say that im just quoting other people. [ laughter ] steve oh, god. Jimmy oh, goodness now, look, you know me, i would never brag about myself. Im just a very successful, long fingered billionaire. [ laughter and applause but in that meeting, trump said that hes sending more troops to poland. And get this, the polish president actually said that they should call the u. S. Base fort trump but trump said no, because that is the name of the blankets stretched across between two couches in the oval office [ laughter ] i saw that trumps also been talking with france lately french president Emmanuel Macron sent him a New Friendship tree after the one that they planted together died [ laughter ] for this tree, macron also sent a note that said, dont water it with diet coke. [ laughter and applause we have a great show tonight give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, everybody. Hey, i dont know if you guys saw what jon stewart did yesterday. But if you didnt, do yourself a favor and go online and watch it it was pretty powerful he testified in front of the House Judiciary Committee on behalf of 9 11 First Responders and he really did his good job, because it worked. Today the committee unanimously voted to fund aid for victims of 9 11. [ cheers and applause amazing. So as a new yorker who was here on 9 11, i just want to say thank you to all the First Responders and thank you to jon stewart. We know jon. Youve known jon forever steve 30 years, yeah jimmy he is always just a very charitable guy and always just fights for what he believes in. Hes just a great, legit great guy. And i think this is something that jons going to be remembered for for a very long time so thank you once again. [ cheers and applause we have a great show tonight Chris Hemsworth is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause jimmy the Jonas Brothers are here [ cheers and applause oh steve wow jimmy were doing something fun. Its going to be a good show steve oh jimmy but first, you guys ever see a photo in the news and think, well that headline could be much better well, ill show you what i mean its time for news and improved. Here we go [ cheers and applause news and improved jimmy for example, check out this first photo the original headline was trump meets with the queen. Headline could definitely be improved, cause if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been, dude next to you on flight isnt going to make this hangover any easier. [ laughter and applause i didnt say it other people said that. Steve best speech. Jimmy check out this next photo. The original headline was, buttigieg ramps up campaign. But if you only looked at the photo, the headline could have been, guy about to call uno gets dealt the draw four card. Ah [ applause ] ah next headline says, new pokemon game announced. Headline could have been, annoying coworkers new standing desk just a little too much. [ laughter and applause its better for my lower back. Okay the next headline was, rafael nadal wins 12th french open. Headline could have been, guy watching netflix on phone for past two hours realizes hes using 4g and not wifi. [ laughter and applause yeah next headline was, trump golfs with japanese prime minister. Headline could have been, synchronized walking once again fails to be recognized by olympics. [ laughter and applause its a great event steve come on. Jimmy my favorite event. Steve best that you have jimmy next headline was, keanu reeves to star in new video game. [ cheers ] headline could have been, retiring High School Principal blows 12 grand on final epic assembly. [ laughter and applause and finally this headline was, indy 500 winner celebrates victory. The headline could have been, man accidentally rubs eyes after cutting jalapenos. Thats all the time we have for news and improved. Well be right back with Chris Hemsworth, everybody come on back [ cheers and applause wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. So recently my sons band was signed by a record label. 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[ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back you know our first guest as thor from the mega blockbuster movie Avengers Endgame. His new film is men in black international, which opens on friday please welcome Chris Hemsworth [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy wow you are aw, thank you [ cheers ] thanks so much isnt that lovely. Jimmy you are well liked, my friend. Thank you thats and that would be good everyday. I love that. Makes me feel really good about myself thank you so much for coming back to the show i want to say congratulations on everything. But Avengers Endgame shattered all these records and oh my gosh made billions of dollars and everyone credits fat thor. [ laughter ] thats right. I got an email from kevin smith. And he said, you know, over weight middle age white man are very happy for that new super hero [ laughter ] so i was like, cool happy to help. Jimmy but its funny though that its such a secretive movie, and then the movie comes out and makes 8 billion yeah. Jimmy and then all of a sudden, all these videos and iphones videos of you guys on set start leaking out ayoure like, oops. I guess any time you get on your phone, youd be like, whos watching . You know and then the policy no cameras, no cameras, nothing. But every now and then youd see someone whos like, meh. Jimmy yeah, i know especially when it was all of the avengers in the same room its like, im not missing this opportunity. Jimmy yeah, right. But i asked you and i asked you a favor. If you had any contraband on your camera roll i did jimmy if theres anything can you show us. I have a little something, right . And this is the world first. No ones seen this before. This is, um [ cheers and applause jimmy i love it. And i love you thank you for doing this i didnt even know if i was ever going to show it, right cause it was, like, in the trailer, in between a few takes, and but jimmy its great, though, cause it kind of fits so you were getting in character . Yeah, definitely. Yeah jimmy so you were method actors, theyre called jimmy you were depressed thor and you, like, had the guitar. And you go, what would he be into . Yeah. Jimmy what would he what else but jimmy hurt by the johnny cash version of hurt. Johnny cash hurt. Jimmy which is its the saddest song in the world. Jimmy yeah, it really is yeah. Jimmy and so you started playing it and yeah. And im a terrible singer and terrible guitarist but [ laughter ] no, its worth it heres the World Premiere of fat thor johnny cash singing hurt. Check this out what have i becom my sweetest friend everyone i kno goes away in the end [ cheers and applause jimmy that thats depressing, how sad. This takes me back. It takes me right back. Oh, gosh. I love that so much. Clearly i think its dropping next week jimmy yeah. I cant do what you do i saw you post a video of a bear crawl oh, its like a bear crawl with weights and stuff jimmy that made me tired watching that. Did it . Jimmy yeah, but its amazing, because its huge im not trying to jimmy i mean, i lets take a quick look at chris doing bear crawls. [ cheers and applause i dont know about that angle, though. Its like, yeah. Its the glutes shot, that one. Jimmy but, i mean, that video right there inspired so many people to start doing those bear crawls and getting into shape including one of the most funniest humans on the face of the eah. Most talented jack black yeah. Jimmy and he posted his own video. I dont know if youve seen this i didnt see it jimmy yeah, take a look. Heres jack black doing christmas bear crawls. [ laughter ] thors mighty hammer. Thats how we do it. Down under pcpc jimmy down under. Down under. Jimmy thats how we do it down under i love the shirt tucked into the tracker pants. Jimmy hes one of the funniest dudes ever. Lets talk about men in black. Yeah. Jimmy international. Dude, i loved it so much and i watched it with my kids. Which i dont know if it is if for kids, but they loved it. No, it is, yeah jimmy the aliens are actually especially the first one, its so cute. Oh, its amazing. I mean, i think i was 14 when the first one came out and just been swept up in the unique blend of this sort of Police Thriller comedy with scifi and its sort of an introduction to will smith as, you know, worlds biggest movie star and just at that time i remember thinking and not consciously thinking i wanted to be an actor but i wanted to inhabit those worlds and that the universe that those guys were creating and jimmy really, will smith yeah, he was one of my biggest heroes still is jimmy does he know that . Have you ever told him that . Have you ever met him . I met him at the mtv awards i was like, oh, whats up, man . You doing movies too. Cool, yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah fanboy out i was like, what . Continue the franchise. Jimmy hes a good i mean, hes one of the first giant be going oh, wow, this is international which is where they have the names against the title. Yeah. Jimmy you, tessa thompson. It takes it on a whole new level. Its funny yeah. Jimmy like you said. But its also it wasnt rebooting or remaking it was about continuing on and what those guys have done so beautifully him and tommy lee. And were expanding it onto a global stage and so we got out of new york. And we shot some in new york we went to london, paris, marikesh, sahara desert, all over the place italy, and so it has a more global feel. And its kind of just trying to ratchet the thing up. Jimmy we have a clip from men in black international. Lets take a look at this. Lets talk business, shall we i have a very strict no men in black policy. I dont blame you all it takes is one bad apple. [ grunts ] [ yelling ] i am mib you correlian scum and fyi, your little club here sucks. Jimmy yeah [ cheers and applause Chris Hemsworth men in black International Opens on friday after the break, were going to play true confessions with chris. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause here are even more reasons to join tmobile. 1. Do you like netflix . Sure you do. Thats why its on us. 2. Unlimited data. Use as much as you want, when you want. 3. No surprises on your bill. Taxes and fees included. Still think you have a better deal . Bring in your discount, and well match it. Thats right. Tmobile will match your discount. Ill show you something neeeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something. Ill show you something. New. Seaonly abreva cany to help sget rid of it in. As little as 2 1 2 days when used at the first sign. Abreva starts to work immediately to block the virus and protect healthy cells. Abreva acts on it. So you can too. [seag[bottle opens] ahh [water sfx] [bottle opens] [horse sfx] ahh [ocean sfx] [bottle opens] ahh yoaw to do whatever you wanna do just tell yourself that you capable, too look out cause here i come i make no apologies, this is me [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back to the tonight show. Were hanging out with Chris Hemsworth, everybody now [ cheers and applause chris and i are about to play a game of deception called true confessions. [ cheers and applause jimmy were going to need one more player to fill out this table he costars with chris in men in black international, and his new movie, stuber, comes out on july 12th give it up for Kumail Nanjiani [ cheers and applause hi. Just three men with beards hanging around a table three equally handsome men jimmy thank you. Were all exactly the same. Jimmy attractive people. Heres how this works. In front of us are two envelopes containing confessions. One confession is true, the other is a lie once you read your confession, the other two players have 45 seconds to interrogate you. They have to guess if youve been lying or telling the truth. Chris, you will go first which envelope should he open . Lets go with one jimmy what is your story, okay my first job was cleaning out breast pumps [ laughter ] jimmy for your first that was your first job . First job, yeah how old were you . I was 14 at the time. And was it just cleaning out breast pumps or was there other aspects to the job it was repairing them as well, occasionally you repaired breast pumps at 14 . [ laughter ] like any pump, theres a motor with a belt, like a a rubber belt, for the suction, and jimmy i wasnt sure, human breasts or animal breasts . Yeah no like youd have like, pharmacies would rent them out. Theyd rent them out . Because you dont need them forever, right no. So theyd come back covered in dry milk so id have a toothbrush [ buzzer ] id clean the dry milk off dry milk . I did not think id hear the phrase dry milk today. [ laughter ] that was it, thats all we get to ask jimmy 45 seconds, we did it i think its real jimmy you think his first job was cleaning out if not, hes a psychopath [ laughter ] if he made that up. Jimmy were you saying, like, where he grew up, his dad had animals and stuff around, so im thinking maybe but its human breast milk. Jimmy but i think its inspired by what he used to do with animals thats very smart jimmy and then change it to a lie. Youre good at this he took almost the truth and changed it slightly to a lie jimmy im going to say, you lie. Yeah. Jimmy did you lie . Ill say lie, too it was the truth. I said it was the truth [ laughter and applause jimmy where were you where was it it was like fisher and paykel, its a company that makes fridges, and ovens, and breast pumps and i literally worked for a a pharmacy they would rent them out the machines would come back and i would have a toothbrush, a little spray and wipe. And dried milk covered in them one question. Yep do the women who used these breast pumps now know that Chris Hemsworth once cleaned their breast pumps [ laughter ] jimmy its my turn here we go and can you buy them on ebay jimmy you cant buy them on ebay jimmy