[ laughter ] 2 00 a. M. On saturday is when your drunk friend gets in the back of a police car because he thought it was an uber, and then barfs on himself. [ laughter ] 2 00 a. M. Is when your friend whos into coke says, im going to get some more coke. [ laughter ] Senate Democrats on friday criticized republicans for making lastminute handwritten changes to the tax reform bills, hours before there was a vote on it. I cant even read this, said trump, about a different thing. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a new poll has found that 48 of roy moores supporters plan to vote for him because hes the best person for the job. Whats the job . Male stripper for Nursing Homes . [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] stand back, ladies. Former National Security advisor Michael Flynn on friday pleaded guilty to lying to the fbi about contacts with the Russian Ambassador. And if thats what he pleaded to, you know whatever he did was worse. [ laughter ] its like if o. J. Had pleaded guilty to changing lanes without signaling. [ laughter and applause ] according to a former Trump Campaign manager cory lewandowskis upcoming book, White House Communications director hope hicks steamed president trumps suits during the campaign while he was wearing them. [ laughter ] so thats not a tan. Thats a seconddegree burn. [ laughter and applause ] give me a little just a little hot steam here. [ laughter ] a possum broke into a Florida Liquor store recently and was found by an employee on a shelf next to an empty bottle of liquor. Said the possum, i do not recall those events. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i was out with friends, having a perfectly nice night. [ laughter ] and then i woke up here. [ laughter ] a drunk driver in australia recently threatened and yelled at a mcdonalds staff after they told him the 200 mcnuggets he ordered were not available. But, ladies, he is. [ laughter ] a minnesota cat has been banned from a College Library after sneaking in on multiple occasions. So i guess itll never get to the bottom of laser pointers. [ laughter and applause ] very very very reluctant applause for a cat who learned how to read. A brooklynbased brewery has released a beer named after beyonce called beeryonce. [ laughter ] and its selling a lot better than their jzima. [ laughter ] and, finally, this is very exciting. Thanks to new Technology Just developed, we here at late night now have the ability to record the inner voice that is in Donald Trumps head. So here this is a very exciting night. This is the launch of this. For the very first time here is the tiny voice in the back of Donald Trumps head. Hey, donald, its me, the tiny voice in the back of your head. And im here to say all the things you know are true deep down inside. Youre not good at this job, donald. Youre very bad at it. Look at you sitting here awkwardly with your hands in the steeple position. [ light laughter ] theres flags behind you, but youve already forgotten where theyre from. Because you dont listen. You always say youre going to listen, but you dont listen. Oh, youre stupid. [ laughter ] i hope none of the reporters ask you the name of the man sitting next to you. Oh, that would be bad. You would say it in a way that would definitely be racist. [ laughter ] do you think he won the popular vote . I bet he won the popular vote. Oh. [ cheers and applause ] seth you guys are here on a fantastic night joining us tonight, from tbss full frontal with samantha bee, samantha bee is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] so excited. She was here two years ago. So much to talk about since there. From netflixs the crown, matt smith is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic show and a great actor. And we have two music icons with us tonight. Two of my favorites, steve earle and lucinda williams, will perform together for us later in the show tonight so [ cheers and applause ] as i said, excellentnight to be here. Before we get to all of that, one of president trumps closest associates pleaded guilty on friday to lying to the fbi as part of the escalating russia probe, but that didnt stop Senate Republicans from forging ahead with a radical plan to slash taxes on corporations and the wealthy. For more on this its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth as special Counsel Robert Mueller has handed down a series of indictments and gathered more evidence in his russia investigation, one guy seemed especially quiet trumps former National Security advisor, Michael Flynn. The lack of any news about flynn stirred speculation that he might be cooperating with mueller. Suspicion that trump himself seemed to confirm with a cryptic comment during a rambling address to members of the coast guard on thanksgiving. With the air force were ordering a lot of planes, in particular the f35 fighter jet, which is, you know, almost like an invisible fighter. I was asking the air force guys, i said, how good is this plane . They said, well, sir, you cant see it. I said, yeah, but in a fight, you know, a fight. Like i watch on the movies. Fight, theyre fighting. How good is it . They said, well, it wins every time, because the enemy cannot see it. Even if its right next to them, it cant see it. So, i said, the stuff that we have is always a little bit better, too. You know, when we sell to other countries, even if theyre allies, you never know about an ally. An ally can turn, you understand . Youre going to find that out. Seth no, youre going to find that out. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it makes sense trump was talking to the coast guard because he was babbling like a shipwrecked sailor who just got dragged out of the ocean. Thunderstorm, giant squid, invisible airplane. [ laughter ] that speech made so little sense the coast guard threw trump a life preserver. [ laughter ] but it turns out trump was right to be worried about flynn, because on friday he pleaded guilty to lying to the fbi, specifically about his conversations with the Russian Ambassador while trump was still president elect. As you might recall, president obama imposed sanctions on russia and expelled their diplomats as punishment for their election meddling. And it seems like flynn and the trump team were essentially trying to get the russians not to retaliate. Which sheds new light on this trump tweet from december after putin announced he would hold off. Great move on delay by v. Putin i always knew he was very smart to which putin responded, um, i have a girlfriend. [ laughter ] also, v. Putin . Its almost like he was trying to maintain plausible deniability by not using his full name. Who . Vladimir putin . Oh, no, i was talking about vince putin from from putin motors movers. [ laughter ] you know the commercial with vince, the furniture is putin your house. [ laughter and applause ] very good. Flynns guilty plea also sheds new light on this exchange trump had with reporters a few months later in february, when he seemed to swing wildly back and forth between saying he didnt tell flynn to contact the russians, and also, that flynn was right to contact the russians. I dont think he did anything wrong. If anything, he did something right. Whhich certainly would have been okay with me if he did it. I would have directed him to do it if i though he wasnt doing it. I didnt direct him, but i would have directed him. [ laughter ] seth trump likes to give this kind of weird twopart answer. Heres one answer and then heres a different answer for when you find out the first answer was a lie. Its like saying, i have a girlfriend who lives in canada, and also, theres nothing wrong with not having a girlfriend. [ laughter ] well, unsurprisingly, trump furiously backpedaled away from flynn on friday, but might have accidentally incriminated himself. As you may recall trump tried to get thenfbi director james comey to shut down his investigation of flynn calling comey into the oval office and telling him, i hope you can let this go. Now, if trump knew at that time that flynn had committed a crime, like, for example, lying to the fbi, and was trying to stop the investigation of that crime, then that could constitute obstruction of justice. So, if youre trump, the one thing you dont want to do is admit that you knew flynn had lied to the fbi when you fired him. The president tweeting this i had to fire general flynn because he lied to the Vice President and the fbi. Seth man, he is so bad at this. [ laughter ] hes like one of those burglars who leaves his drivers license behind. [ laughter ] except he tweets his drivers license. [ laughter ] so trump is admitting that he fired flynn for lying to the fbi, then tried to get the fbi director to stop investigating flynn for lying to the fbi. Its almost like he wants to get indicted. If trump somehow serves out his full term, i wouldnt be surprised if this was his farewell letter. [ laughter ] in fact [ cheers and applause ] that tweet that tweet was so incriminating that trumps team then tried to downplay it by claiming that the tweet wasnt actually written by trump but by his lawyer john dowd. Dowd told abc news he wrote those words and had done so in a sloppy manner. And he told axios, im out of the tweeting business. [ light laughter ] are you also out of the lawyer business . [ laughter ] because you basically admitted that your client committed a crime. That would be like if Johnny Cochran got up and said, the glove does fit, my clients full of [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] so trumps former former Campaign Chairman and National Security advisor have now been charged as part of an investigation into the president s campaign and ties to russia. And the president himself basically admitted that he tried to obstruct justice. So how did Senate Republicans respond . They decided to overlook all of that and vote in the middle of the night to pass one of trumps biggest legislative priorities a massive tax cut for corporations and the wealthy. Republicans passed the bill at almost 2 00 a. M. On saturday in a frantic late night push, during which they were making handwritten changes to the bill behind closed doors. And democrats like montana senator jon tester complained that they couldnt even read what they were voting on. Its the night were going to be voting on the tax bill. I just got the tax bill 25 minutes ago. This is the tax bill. See how thick it is . [ thud ] this is what it looks like. Oh, no, lets look at the bill. This is what it really looks like. I want you to take a look at this, folks. This is your government at work. Heres the bill as its written. Heres the modifications that are in it. I can read one word, its called add this language. Can you tell me what that word is . [ light laughter ] if you can, you got better eyes than me. Seth and i mean thats insane. Senators should be able to read the bill. The only justification for handwriting that messy is if the bill was so depressing they had a doctor write a prescription for zoloft on it. [ laughter ] and it actually got worse than that, because not only was the bill filled with lastminute, handwritten changes that were impossible to read, some of those changes didnt make it on to the page because of the copier. Page 257, out of the 479. Why did i pick this page . Because they didnt have time to type it. They wrote it out in longhand. Were not even teaching cursive in a lot of schools anymore, but someone on the staff knew it enough to try. The problem is [ laughter ] they wrote it in cursive along the margin here. Its about subchapter S Corporations and how much tax they pay and what they dont pay. I defy anybody to read it, because the problem was, when they copied it, they chopped off lines. So there arent full sentences here. Theyre just kind of like little phrases and words. Seth even the copier didnt have enough time to read the bill. [ laughter ] senator Elizabeth Warren did her best to try to make out what those words said, but didnt have much luck. Adjustments attributable to conversion from s corporatia oh, its been cut off. To corporation. Section 481 is amended by adding at the en i assume they mean end. But again, its all cut off. The following new subsection. Adjustments attributable to conversions for a corporation something c corporation, paren dangerous . That cant be right. Uh ingenious . [ laughter ] seth if its in this bill, its definitely not ingenious. [ laughter ] this is a bill that could affect almost every aspect of American Life and senators are reading it like nic cage finding a secret message written on the back of the constitution. [ laughter and applause ] its a tax cut for corporations. Now the centerpiece of this legislation of course is a giant cut in the Corporate Tax rate from 35 to 20 . That cut is permanent. The cuts for middle class tax payers, however, expire after eight years which means that by 2027 people making 40,000 to 50,000 would pay a combined 5. 3 billion more in taxes while the group earning 1 million or more would get a cut of 5. 8 billion. On sunday Senate Majority leader Mitch Mcconnell was asked why republicans just write a bill that guarantees that all middle class people will get a permanent tax cut and said it couldnt be done. Why not in putting this bill together make it make it so that you could say everybody in the middle class will get a tax cut thats permanent . Ha ha. Well, its impossible to do that. Seth what is with that laugh . [ laughter ] it sounds like it got caught in his neck pouch. [ laughter ] huhhuh, huh, huhhuhhuh, haa haa haa. [ laughter ] to help pay for those Corporate Tax cuts, the gop also added a provision that repeals the obamacare insurance mandate, which would lead to 13 million fewer people having Health Insurance by 2027. And on top of everything else, the gop tax bill would increase the federal deficit by nearly 1. 5 trillion over a decade. Now republicans claim, despite the evidence, that the bill would pay for itself, by stimulating economic growth, a myth that has been proven false over and over again. But that hasnt stopped republicans from repeating it. Like louisiana senator john kennedy, who said that if you pass tax reform, then you get an easy chair and a can of beer and sit back and watch this economy roar. If youre trying to say this tax bill will create jobs, maybe dont use the universal symbol for unemployment. [ laughter ] yes, sir, if this bill passes [ applause ] if this bill passes, get ready to live in your moms basement and watch all the afternoon courtroom shows. [ laughter ] of course, when that doesnt happen, republicans will inevitably use the deficits they created as an excuse to cut spending. Specifically safety net programs like social security, medicare and medicaid. Now, the way republicans try to skirt this issue usually is by claiming that they wont cut benefits for anyone whos currently on those programs, but would make changes for future enrollees. And during a debate on thursday, senator Bernie Sanders got one of his gop colleagues, pat toomey, to admit that thats exactly what republicans plan on doing. Do i have your word now that you, as a senator i know you cant speak for everybody that you as a senator, after this bill is passed and i suspect it will be you will not support any cuts to social security, medicare, medicaid. Do i have that word from you . I im not going to support any cuts to people who are on the program and need those benefits. Oh, there it is but i want this program to survive. Reclaiming my time. Reclaiming im going to acknowledge excuse me we reclaiming my time we need this program for the next generation. All right, you just the he just the cat out of the box, or whatever the phrase is. [ laughter ] he just told you hes going to cut social security. Seth thats right. They let the cat out of the box. [ laughter ] although id love to hear someone explain that phrase was wrong to Bernie Sanders. The point is, the jig is over and the chickens are coming home to dance. [ laughter ] reclaiming my time. [ laughter and applause ] but what what bernie what bernie got toomey to admit there is that republicans are coming for social security, medicare and medicaid next, and theyre doing it all so they can pay for tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy with this bill. Republicans have once again made clear who they serve, and its not you. And trump has once again revealed who he really is. If youre someone who voted for trump because thought he was your ally, just remember you never know about an ally. An ally can turn. [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with samantha bee, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. What are you asking santa for . I want a rabbit train whistle blowing hey, thomas. Thats not how you get a rabbit. If you want a rabbit, you ask for a pony and then let them work you back down. Mmhmm. 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