Jimmy thank you, very nice. Thats very nice. Thank you. Welcome. I appreciate that. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thanks for watching. Thank you for joining us here in our studio in hollywood and from your homes around the world. I have to say, it makes me feel very good. You know, so much of every day now is a fight. Were arguing. Were criticizing. Were at each others throats. Theres so much unpleasantness. I thought it might be nice to start with some good news for a change, okay . [ cheers and applause ] o. J. Was cremated today. [ laughter ] too soon . Okay. And we have a new trial of the century to replace his. The people of new york versus donald trump. So far the people are winning. [ cheers and applause ] our friend, sleepy donzales, he doesnt seem to understand that a jury is going to rule on this. On his way out of court today, he brought a stack of printouts from websites that he feels make the case that there is no case. I spent all day on a trial that really is a very unfair trial. These are all stories this is over the last few days from legal experts. This is a wall street journal editorial. But all of these are stories from legal experts saying how this is not a case. [ laughter ] jimmy i think this big stack of papers none of you can read speaks for itself, folks. [ laughter ] take a look at all of these, our stories. You see them here. They quote the zombie case, meaning it is no case. The whopping outrage in trumps indictment. Its a whopping outrage, and it is an outrage, everybodys outraged. Jimmy yeah, no. Im not. I love it. I am not even the tiniest bit outrage. But go on. Thats new York Magazine even. All of them. They just came out. These are all every single one. I havent seen one that says its a good trial, and im sitting here for days now, from morning till night in a freezing room, freezing. Everybody was freezing in there. [ laughter ] jimmy wah, wah, wah. Motion to get the defendant some tiny mittens, your honor. [ laughter ] trump hasnt been that cold since the last time he was in bed with melania. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] i have to say, im actually a little worried about him. This is what trump looked like at the defense table. I want you to note the difference between the color of his hands and the color of his face. [ laughter ] we did not doctor this. Those are his hands and his face. Those shades arent even on the same Sherwin Williams color palette. [ laughter ] looks like a cantaloupe wearing batting gloves. [ laughter ] heres how one juror described him shortly after she was dismissed. What was your impression of donald trump when you saw him . He looked less orange, definitely. [ laughter ] more yellowish, to me, yellow. Not only that he looks he doesnt look angry or i think he looks bored. [ laughter ] jimmy hes yellow and bored, like a minion or something. [ laughter ] somehow even with two seated jurors being dismissed today, one because she felt her identity had been compromised, they managed to find 12 jurors and one alternate. Each prospective juror had to answer questions about what they think about trump, which meant he had to sit there and listen to comments like this one from a woman who said, i wouldnt believe trump if his tongue were notarized. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know, that that woman, she did not get picked as a juror. But i would like to hire her as a writer if shes interested. [ applause ] the jury the jury is picked by both sides, the prosecution and the defense get to knock people out if they dont want them on the jury. But the maga media, theyre doing everything they can to push this idea that it wont be a fair trial. That way when he loses they can say, oh, it was rigged. The jury pool is so tainted here. They are catching undercover liberal activists lying to the judge. People will probably lie just to get on this jury. No one on earth, not anyone honest with themselves anyway, believes that donald trump is going to get a fair trial in new york. How in the world will this man ever get a fair jury . Theres no such thing as a fair trial when manhattan is 90 democrat. You have a 20yearold white girl who works for disney and likes to dance. This looks like trouble. Lets look at juror number two. Gets the news from the New York Times and google. I dont really trust anybody who gets their news from the New York Times or google. Im not so sure about juror number two. Juror number three is a young asian lawyer from oregon. Hes single, lives in chelsea, and was wearing a purple jacket. Jimmy whoa. [ laughter ] a purple jacket. You know who wears a purple jacket . The joker wears a purple jacket. [ laughter ] you know who wears a purple jacket . This lady right here in our audience. [ cheers and applause ] put him away. And while half of the fox network is busy screaming about how unfairly trump gets treated in new york, when donye west took a little field trip to a bodega, his foxy friends bent over backwards to talk about how much new yorkers love him. A group of women up the block yelled at donald trump in spanish. And they were calling him, my tiger. So, they were referring to donald trump as my tiger. And then employees of the romantic depot, which apparently is a Lingerie Store in that neighborhood, waved a red banner advertising a product named after donald trump. I have no idea what that is. Jimmy well, i know what it is. [ laughter ] i know exactly what it is. That product and this is not a joke. We confirmed this with the shop. That product is this. Trump dildos on sale now. [ laughter and applause ] thats the product at the romantic depot. And what could be more romantic than a depot, you know . [ laughter ] poor Rudy Giuliani is at home going, hey, dildo stores are my thing [ laughter ] meanwhile in congress, the animals trump unleashed are now threatening their own speaker, mike johnson. You know, the guy who looks like a kid dressed as an adult for the school play. [ laughter ] he is being threatened with removal by a group of hardbrained republicans who are angry hes backing a package to send money to ukraine. Being the speaker of the house these days is like being Leonardo Dicaprios girlfriend. You hang on as long as you can, just enjoy the ride. [ laughter ] they formed what they call a floor Action Response team, or f. A. R. T. For short. [ laughter ] so, you know these are very serious people. These americans are on russias side, and theyre led by none other than klan mom Marjorie Taylor greene, whos determined to pave the way for putin even at the expense of Mike Johnsons head. Its unprecedented. This has never happened in history, and its completely wrong. He owes our conference the truth, and he owes republicans answers. Will you go forward today . Im waiting to find out whats going to happen. Whats holding you back . Im a responsible person. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Marjorie, you are neither responsible nor are you a person. [ laughter ] right now her side project is putting space lasers at the border. For real. This is what she wants to do. [ laughter ] this is party is insane. Somehow mike johnson, a man who called planned parenthood part of an american holocaust, is not right wing enough for these people. Mike johnson, a Climate Change denying homophobic religious fanatic, knows that getting ukraine weapons is the right thing to do, and even though his party is terrified of trump, hes doing it anyway. And thats why theyre going to destroy him f. They let him do the right thing on ukraine, he might do the right thing on other stuff. Its a very slippery slope. [ laughter ] but we have more important subjects to focus on, right, guille guillermo . Because the new taylor swift albums drops. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo yeah, yeah jimmy and so and we still have to work tomorrow. Which tomorrow should be a holiday, right . [ laughter ] i mean, are we really going to make people drive after pulling allnighters listening to taylor swift . [ laughter ] please be careful out there tomorrow. Taylor swifts album isnt the only major release this month. Its the biggest, but we also got a new single from rnc cochair and former first daughterinlaw lara trump. Today america finally got the genrebending release it was waiting for. Talking to that little girl riding on the pegasus tell her everything is going to be all right jimmy there she is, taylor not too swift. [ laughter ] i feel like that sounded terrible, but maybe im biased. I recuse myself from this jury, and i turn it over to the people. We went to the Farmers Market here in los angeles. We told shoppers strolling by we had a sneak preview of a new album from a big artist, and we want to get their thoughts on it. And we played them a song from lara trump. I then told them it was the new taylor swift. We have a leaked track from a top artist. We wont tell you who it is. Do you want to take a listen to it and tell us your honest thoughts . Okay. Brutally honest. Honest reactions. Yes, i can be brutally honest. You sure can. Okay, sure. Lets do it. Dont think just jump you cant give up know that anything is possible honestly, its i dont know who that is. Its not very good. The pitch was pretty off. To be honest. They were off the whole time, if im being honest. It does sound really, really robotic, more like a. I. Its terrible. Its taylor swifts new album the tortured poets department. It doesnt even sound like her. You seem surprised. Yeah, ive been waiting for this album. Oh, my god. Really . Yeah. Did she hurt her voice . No way. Im a swiftie. Taylor, im sorry. I hope she doesnt see this. I dont want to offend the swifties, but that . Single worst thing she has ever released that i have personally listened to with my ears, yes. She sounds sick. She sounds like she got a little phlegm or something, might be drinking too much, maybe smoking a little weed, something. I dont know. But it sound like some mucus in there. I dont think its up to her usual standard of quality. Who it actually is is lara trump, the daughterinlaw of donald trump. See, that makes way more sense. [ laughter ] oh, okay. Well, no wonder it sounds bad. [ laughter ] that would make sense. Sorry, taylor. Are you relieved to know it wasnt her . Yeah. Because taylor, i love her, but that is not thats not my girl. Do you think she has a future in music . Nah, shes not going to make it. [ laughter ] [ bleep ] sucks. If you could describe the song in three words, what would you pick . Unhinged, unnecessary, unethical. [ laughter ] lazy, bad. Sad, annoying. Basic. Mediocre. Three words . Try again. Know anything is possible [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well, sorry, lara. Whatever your politics, i think we can all agree she has a terrible voice. [ laughter ] one more thing before we barrel ahead. Its thursday night and its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week. It is time for this week in unnecessary censorship. [ cheers and applause ] over in memphis, a man was arrested for allegedly trying to rob a store with a snake around his [ bleep ]. You cannot prevent a defendant from [ bleep ] the witnesses, from [ bleep ] the judges daughter. This is very simple. Im operating with the smallest [ bleep ] in u. S. History. My hoohah is going to be [ bleep ]. Those arent my words because im pretty sure im not allowed to say that on tv. Tonight a video of two men [ bleep ] ancient rock formations. Ive really seen this level of evil in my career, and i [ bleep ]ed two nazis. 100 guaranteed, it will be the best [ bleep ] you ever [ bleep ], its awesome. And i also happen to [ bleep ] some animals. Particularly dogs. [ bleep ] cats, horses. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. Well, weve got a good show for you tonight. From the new hulu show, high low. Freddie and yuri are here, youre going to like that a lot. Weve got music. And well be right back with zendaya, so stick around. Oh, why leaffilter . Its well designed, efficient, i appreciate that. Leaffilters Technology Keeps debris out of your gutters for good, guaranteed. What more could you ask for . Call 833. Leaf. Filter today, or visit leaffilter. Com. screams bleeding gums are serious, jamie. Dr. Garcia . Woah. Theyre a sign of bacterial infection. Crest gum detoxifys antibacterial fluoride works below the gumline to help heal gums and stop bleeding. Crest saves the day. Crest. 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Lets move it oh. [crunching] [alarm beeping] [crunch] [crunch, crunch, crunch] turn up the fun with crunch no application fee if you apply by may 31st at university of maryland global campus, an accredited university thats transformed adult lives for 75 years. Youre not waiting to win, youre ready to succeed again at umgc. Edu. If you are crispy juicy tender, and pickle bearing. Then you are the one and only mccrispy. Jimmy tonight a delightful pair of marijuana enthusiasts and businessmen who were funny even before the edibles kick in. Their new show is called high hopes. Freddy and uri are with us. [ cheers and applause ] we want to explain. Freddie is a guy. You remember this guy . We happened upon him in 2020. He was on the local news in michigan standing in line outside i think it was their firstever pot dispensary. Im frederick miller, frederick. And then miller. Did you say spell it . Well, were waiting on the dispensary. Were going to check out what they got. I was hoping for a willy wonka thing, gates and someone coming out with a cane and doing tricks. So far, its just cold. [ laughter ] jimmy i fell in love with freddie immediately. And now he has a show, high hopes, it premieres saturday, 4 20 on hulu. All the way from london, her album is called messy olivia dean from the don julio stage. [ cheers and applause ] next week weve got new shows with a guests, including carol burnett, kim kardashian, wanda sykes. Gabriel iglesias. Well have music from real estate, ernst and christian nadal. Please join us for all of that. Our first guest is one of the biggest stars in the whole world. Shes getting tremendous acclaim for her role as tennis prodigy turned coach in the new movie challengers. It opens in select theaters monday and nationwide a week from tomorrow. Please welcome zendaya. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how you doing . How you doing . Jimmy youre dressed just like me except i have pants on. [ laughter ] i was inspired. I was inspired. You were my fashion inspiration today. Jimmy next time let me know, and i also wont wear pants. Okay. Perfect. [ laughter ] ill text you in advance. Jimmy you look great. Great to see you. Long time no see. Jimmy it hasnt been long. For dune 2 you were with the whole cast. [ cheers and applause ] how many countries have you been to since february . Oh, man. Like probably like seven . Jimmy wow. And you like traveling around the world quickly like that . You know, i am grateful that i have a job that allows me to travel, allows me to see the world. I wish that i had more time in the place. Really when youre doing pressers, you really just see the inside of your hotel. You dont ever really get to go out and see the sights and get to be around people. Thats the only downfall. Jimmy are you a good packer . Are you a good sleeper . Can you sleep on the plane . Are you a good traveler in general . I used to be able to sleep anywhere. I used to be able to curl up in a ball and sleep the whole flight. Before it even takes off, ill be knocked off. These days, i dont know if its because im getting older [ laughter ] jimmy you are pretty old. Yeah, youre getting really [ laughter ] you know, my first time here, i was 16. Jimmy thats right. I know. Thats right. We were on dancing with the stars and as i remind you each time i see you, i bet quite a bit of money on you and won quite a bit of money on you. [ cheers and applause ] i didnt win, but i got pretty far. Jimmy can i tell you, i think i won 12,000. What . [ laughter ] well, youre welcome. Jimmy thank you again. Yeah. I dont know. Ever since i you know, im getting older and its just not as comfortable to sleep that long anymore. Jimmy see, now, i have no trouble. As i get older, it makes no difference. I could literally lay down on this desk right now and fall asleep in front of you. Really . No neck pain, back pain . Jimmy there might be some of that [ laughter ] but sleeping right through it. Jimmy i will sleep right through it. There will be nothing but a puddle of drool on the table. By the way, i know youre getting, like, incredible reviews for this movie challengers. [ cheers and applause ] which is, i have to say, you ive got to ask you a couple of questions. First of all, i know you had a premiere on tuesday here in l. A. Yes, yes. Jimmy and i know you have a big family and theyre often at your things. Were they at this thing . Yes. Jimmy they were. So, youve got some very sexy scenes in the movie. Yes, i do. Jimmy and while i was watching it, i was wondering if your family was going to see this. Yes, they have. Jimmy they did . And do you warn them before hand . How does it work . Well, they know its a rated r movie. I say, you know, walking into this, if you cant handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. [ laughter ] i forewarned them. But it was honestly my favorite part. I have seen the movie many times. Jimmy youre a producer on the film, right . That too. [ cheers and applause ] but so i know when the scenes are coming, right . So, basically when those scenes were happening, i just was watching. They were behind me, so i just watch them the whole time. It was hilarious. Jimmy thats good. They started and theyre like and then slowly get more uncomfortable. Then theyre like [ laughter ] and then my little nieces were back there. I mean, theyre grownups. Theyre 18. But they literally were like it was my favorite part of the night. Jimmy who was most uncomfortable in your family . Most uncomfortable would yeah, i think it would be my nieces. Jimmy your nieces . Yeah, they were [ laughter ] jimmy oh, yeah. What are you looking at . Jimmy because theyre at that age that any even if theyre watching strangers, they might