U [ cheering and applause ] jimmy hello. Hi. Thank you. Very nice. Thanks. Im jimmy. Im the host. Thank you for watching. Please, settle in because weve got a very big day. As you may know, maybe you dont know, opening arguments began this morning in the people of the state of new york versus Donald Jessica trump. The city that never sleeps versus the defendant who keeps nodding off during the trial. The defendant was very defensive this morning. He was in all caps mode and then some. He posted witch hunt he posted election interference little bursts of lunacy. Like a crazy man, yelling at no one on a street corner. The prosecution said trump orchestrated a criminal scheme to corrupt the 2016 election, and tried to cover it up by lying in his Business Records over and over and over again. Three overs. The defense had a different perspective trumps lawyer said President Trump is innocent. Trump did not commit any crimes. Hes a lawyer and hes funny. Thats impressive. Team trump also says theres nothing wrong with trying to influence an election. And theres nothing wrong with playing hide the mushroom, with the star of the movie hot showers 6. Trumps defense basically seems to add up to, even if i did commit these crimes, theyre not really crimes. Puts in a bill or an invoice, and you pay the bill and in the book. Its a little line thats a very small little line, cant even write more than two words. Its not like you can tell a life story. They mark it down to a legal defense. This is what i got indicted on. Jimmy right, right. That makes no sense. Thats like a bank robber going, i went into the bank, i took out money, i came out of the bank with the money. Millions of people do that every day now, somehow, im a criminal . he left something key. Trumps lawyers made it clear today that theyre going to continue to deny trump had sex with stormy daniels, which if i was prosecuting this case, i could get him to admit that in one second. All you have to do is say is clearly, mr. Trump was not attractive, famous or wealthy enough to entice such a desirable adult film star. Hed jump up on his hands and knees and show you every position they did it in. And while the case itself is [ applause ] obviously important, the first time weve ever seen a former president up on criminal charges, what resonates most, from a historical perspective, at least, was this. Im hearing from credible sources who know whats going on in the courtroom. And what im hearing is that take it for what its worth, but donald trump is actually farting in the courtroom. [ laughter ] jimmy just when you think the insanometer has topped out, donald trump adds farting to his list of atrocities. [ applause ] squo were in unshartered territory here. Of course, we dont know for sure that trump was farting in court. So it would not be right for me to state that he was. So while i cannot in good conscience report that trump was pumping gas like a barstow texaco, i can report that, to borrow a phrase he likes to use when spreading rumors, many people were saying trump was farting in court. And not just saying it, having a lot of fun with it. This was trending on twitter odor in the court. As was trump stinks. And so many other fun little nuggets. We had some fun. We gave the jury gas masks in the courtroom sketch. Just to be safe we drew in some stink lines. And again, heres the thing, there is no way to prove that donald trump was the one who dealt it. So please, dont repost this video with a dumb caption like julius squeezer, or the shart of the deal, or gassolini, or you are the right to remain silent but deadly. But we dont know if any of this is true. You cant call him gassolini. The only evidence we have that trump has been known to publicly emit is what weve seen in old video footage, like this. My military guys up here excuse me, excuse me. Jimmy again, please, im begging you, dont post that out of context, no this is the kind of clip that could go viral and really make trump upset. Videos like this like youll go person [ far noise ] men, women, man, camera, tv [ farting noise ] jimmy he will not like that so please dont post this one. And im proud to be an american [ fartin ] jimmy none of those clips prove anything. And to give them a platform would be both disrespectful and wrong. Meanwhile, his flatulency is said to be reaching levels of rage that are maxed out, even for him. There was a story in Rolling Stone this weekend. Hes privately stewing over everything from the look of his courtroom sketches to me. They wrote the former, and perhaps future, president has voraciously monitored the media and entertainment coverage of the trial. He appeared especially upset with jimmy kimmel, the comedian and abc latenight host who has been commenting on the trial with relish. Relish . Relish . What relish . You know what relish makes you do . You can blow up the windmills, boom, boom, boom [ farting ] thats the end of that one. Jimmy thats what you get with relish. He is also mad at Maggie Haberman of the New York Times because she was the first to report that he was falling asleep in court. The good news is maggie did not report that trump was falling asleep today. That duty fell to another reporter from the times, susanne craig. Who wrote, trump is struggling to stay awake. His eyes were closed for a short period. He was jolted awake when todd blanche, his lawyer, nudged him while sliding a note in front of him. Tomorrow, the judge will officially weigh in on whether el ron tubbard violated the gag order hes been violating repeatedly all week on truth social and even in front of the courthouse. Has to come off. People are allowed to speak and i have a gag order. Just to show you how much unfair it is. The gag order has to come off. I should be allowed to speak. And the second thing is i have to be release to have had gag order. Theyve taken away my Constitutional Rights to speak. And that includes speaking to you. I have a lot to say to you, and im not allowed to say it. Jimmy thats right. The guy speaking to you is not allowed to speak to you. And thats wrong. Thats just not america. Also tomorrow, we will hear more testimony from the first witness in the case, which is trumps old friend, the former publisher of the national enquirer. David pecker. Pecker helped trump with what they call catch and kill schemes. This is where you pay someone for the exclusive rights to a story, and then once they tell it, you dont publish it so no one ever sees it. Pecker did that for trump, and also helped him plant stories about his enemies. Which is very useful. For instance, lets say youre running against ted cruz and hes gaining ground all you do is have your buddy run a front page story saying his father killed jfk. And off he goes, scurrying to cancun you understand . For all the talk trump does about the media being against him, he has a lot of peckers out there. It has been a tough month for the maga media. The gang at fox friends for one, have been twisting themselves into pretzels trying to convince their viewers that this trial isnt just bad for trump, its a big problem for the presidency itself. Look, the consequence of this case, it could be lifealtering for the former president. Thats in the hands of these 12 people. Set a precedent for other people who want to run for president. What if they had done Something Like this in the past oh, they told me in eighth grade they wanted to run for president. Since they paid off a girl when they were 30 years old, then that was election interference. Jimmy what . What a strong hypothetical. Even the other guys on the panel were i dont know what she is talking about. And by the way, trump wasnt in the 8th grade, he was 60. And then you have the wiffleheads, like south dakota governor kristi noem, who is so eager to be trumps running mate, she doesnt care if he committed a crime or not. If donald trump is convicted in this trial, will you still support him in november . If my choice is between joe biden and donald trump, every single day of the week, yes, he will support donald trump. Have i from the very beginning. He has been someone that i have supported since 2016 because i recognized that he didnt think he was better than anybody else in this country. [ farting sound ] jimmy i guess its contagious. Believe it or not Donald Trumps flatulence wasnt the biggest release of the weekend. That honor went to taylor swift, who dropped a new double album, [ cheering ] the tortured Poets Department on friday. Its already making history. Spotify announced that the new album broke a record with 300 million streams in a single day. Thats more streams than your uncle with the enlarged prostate. Thats a lot of streams. Taylor swift is so big right now, its like Michael Jackson level big. Yesterday, i was driving and i saw this Bumper Sticker that says proud swiftie, and for a minute, i was confused. I was trying to figure out why this old guy driving around in his ford escort, put a powthemed taylor swift sticker on his car. Turns out swiftie, was originally a nickname for veterans who served on swift boats in vietnam, but its almost impossible to find that online. Even if you search vietnam swiftie, you get the twitter account for the Largest Community of swifties in vietnam if you try googling swiftie swift boat, you get taylors cruel summer cruise; swifties at sea. They lost a lot of good tweens out there. And then i remember that former secretary of state john kerry, was on a swift boat. It was the center of a Smear Campaign about him when he ran for president. And to make it even weirder, when john kerry was on our show back in 2016, i asked him about kanye west being a jerk to taylor swift at the mtv awards. This was a story about it we have a feeling that kerry might be a swift fan. He strongly defended her, which would make john kerry a swiftie whos also a swiftie so congratulations to everybody, i think, right . [ applause ] now, the biggest female recording artist of all time, is not taylor swift yet, any way, she is about to play at the biggest concert ever. On may 4th, madonna is doing a free concert in Rio De Janeiro that is expected to draw more than a million fans. You know, madonna, is typically, the biggest star wherever she goes. But in mexico city this weekend an even bigger star joined her onstage. And man, oh man, did he put on a show vogue, let your body go with the flow, you know you can [ cheering ] 10. Where youre all walking up and down the runway. Ooh. Love it. American. One way. Catch the ball, there dont drop it. Just across the boards back to the side. This category is sex times three, sex times three, ooh. Oh, yeah. You like that . Across the board guillermo, come, lets take a picture. Oh, yes, youre amazing. Vogue, vogue, vogue [ cheering ] jimmy i think we may have sextrafficked guillermo. Wow. [ applause ] jimmy did that really happen or are we all on ayahuasca right now . Was it fun . It was fun. It was great. Jimmy was it crazy . It was very crazy. Jimmy i heard it was hot and there was no alcohol backstage. Guillermo she turned the heater on. It was so hot. So i was looking for a beer. No alcohol. Jimmy oh my god, what a nightmare. Guillermo yeah, it was terrible. Jimmy not only did guillermo get to dance with madonna, she gave him a ride on her private jet afterwards. [ farting sounds ] jimmy that is not you know what . We got the wrong, thats the wrong private jet clip. Please, do not spread that around. Congratulations, guillermo [ cheering ] Guillermo Jimmy tonight from will trent here on abc, will trent himself, Ramon Rodriguez is with us. Music from real estate. And well be right back with Kim Kardasian. Abcs Jimmy Kimmel Live is brought to you by liberty insurance. And having a big day in the middle of being the fun uncle in the middle of being a kid again beep beep theres something for everyone in illinois. The middle of everything jimmy hi there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight from will trent, which you can see here on abc, will trent himself, Ramon Rodriquez is with us. [ cheering ] then later a great band based in brooklyn, new york this is their sixth album, its called daniel. Real estate from the don julio stage. [ cheering ] this week, weve got new shows with, carol burnett, will be with us, wanda sykes will be here, nicholas galitzine, and gabriel iglesias, with music from ernest, and christian nodal. Jimmy our first guest has a very scary and very popular show that doesnt involve squabbles with her sister. Watch the Season Finale of American Horror story delicate wednesday on fx and the next day on hulu. Please welcome Kim Kardashian. [ cheering and applause ] jimmy how are you . Im good. How you . Jimmy everything is good 00 thank you. You know what . I heard something about you, because we were talking about madonna today, because guillermo was at i saw that. Jimmy yeah. And you apparently lived on the same block as madonna . Yeah, she was my nextdoor neighbor when i was 7 and 8 years old. I was her dogwalker. Jimmy you were . Kourtney and i would walk her dog after school. Jimmy oh, wow. In exchange for her jewelry. Yeah. No, seriously. Jimmy like what kind of jewelry are we talking about here . Its like she was transitioning out of the 80s neon phase. Jimmy okay. So one day she walked downstairs and handed us a shoe box of all these neon bracelets. And kourtney and i went to school and everyone was oh my god, i love your bracelets. We were thanks, madonna gave them to us. And everyone was no. Jimmy thats crazy yeah. Jimmy do you still have those . No. Jimmy oh, wow. I know. Thats crazy. Jimmy thats a collectors item. Its really crazy. Jimmy so this was just before the pointy bra phase of madonna . I think so. Jimmy she give you any pointy bras . I wish jimmy would you go trick or treating at her house . No. So whats so crazy is i never so then years later, i watched her shoot her cherish video shot by herb ritz. Me and my friend were on the beach. It was the most magical moment ever. Jimmy you were there as a kid. As a kid. Jimmy she is in a black dress, right, and rolling around in the ocean. Yeah. Jimmy and her hair is short. And wet. Jimmy can you tell i watched that video a few times . And then at 1 34, you see just a hint of her breast. And then never would i have ever dreamed in my wildest dreams that as an adult, i would then be neighbors with her myself. Our homes, we lived in the same area. Jimmy again . Again, yeah. And its just crazy. Jimmy and did she i dont have i neighbors. I never see anyone. Occasionally just walking the dog you see people. But i never really we ran into each other actually trick or treating, for real, yeah. Jimmy you did . We both had masks on. And we were going the same house and we looked at each other. I was m . Kim . Oh, hey. Jimmy what kind of masks did you and madonna have on . Just like black ski masks. Jimmy ski masks. We werent in costume. It was just us hiding. So that our kids can go trick or treating. For the kids. Jimmy yeah, right. Wow. She was with hers. I was with mine. Jimmy would you knock on other celebrities doors . I would imagine this is a celebrity neighborhood . I mean, i dont know who lived there. They very well could be. Jimmy but you got good candy . Yeah. Jimmy madonna allowed her children to eat candy . She seems very healthy. She is very healthy. But i take it and then throw it away. Jimmy you do . Or donate it. Or donate it. Jimmy your kids, if you take away their candy, next time videotape it, and id like to have that. Its kind of a hobby of mine. I know, i know. Jimmy so now i mentioned madonna and her pointy bra. And i wanted to ask you about your bras. Your shape wear actually, your company skims. Yes. Jimmy for people who dont know, youre not only a celebrity, but are an inventor. Yes. Jimmy youve invented the and this is kind of genius, really. You invented the bra with builtin nipples. Yes. It is our nipple bra. And honestly, i wasnt expecting all of the amazing feedback that we got from a lot of Breast Cancer survivors. Jimmy oh. That really have jimmy that kind of ruins my line of questioning. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i mean, thats wonderful. Forget i said that. Jimmy thats so wonderful. Im going pretend i didnt hear that. No, but what im wondering first of all, was it your idea to put the nipples in there . Yes. And that is actually molded after my own boobs. Jimmy your own boobs . Yeah. Jimmy so there is more than just nipples. Its padding. Its a pad, yeah, the nipple on it. So if you wanted to feel nippy. Jimmy if you saw a woman Walking Around with this on, would you recognize oh, those are my boobs . Would you know . I would, actually. I think so. Because khloe was wearing it and scott made a comment. This is a little inappropriate. He was saying its inappropriate. And she was oh, no, theyre not mine. Theyre kims. And he was what . Yeah. Jimmy if you have any leftover skittles that youre going throw out for halloween, you can use those too that would be nice. What happens if it gets cold . Are there then four nipples on . The padding is super thick. Jimmy the padding is super thick. But then i would like wear this, and i showed up to a meeting once, and i was so insecure that i was covering my hair just to not show them. Jimmy uhhuh, yeah. So i think were going to make one with a half nip. Jimmy oh. Like not as hard, you know. Like a half. Jimmy like a warm weather nipple. Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, so its just not as uncomfortable. Jimmy and you never thought about adding a third one somewhere, just for the hell of it . Because i think that would make some people very happy. And you also make mens undergarments, yes . We make underwear and loungewear. Were going to come out with our shape wear for men. Jimmy shape wear for men. Okay. Because i think somehow actually, send them out. Because i think some of the womens shapewear [ cheering ] jimmy you see what im saying . I love it jimmy right . You look amazing. Im not going to look there. Jimmy are those your real nipple, guillermo . Guillermo yes, theyre my real nipples, yeah. And warm. Jimmy how does it feel . Guillermo it feels good. Very tight, very tight. Everything is very tight. Jimmy thats the point of it, right . Is to be tight. Snatched. Jimmy and you think this needs any adjustments as kim moves into the world of mens shape wear or is this how it is. Would you wear mens shape wear . This is not mens