He was such a positive dude before this. [ laughter ] what hes doing in the white house, nobody knows. Hes been tweeting, we do know that. Sometimes he leaves to play golf. And that seems to be it, which is weird, because it almost seems hypocritical coming from the guy who likes to say this. These people do nothing. They talk a big game and they do nothing. Theyve done nothing, they do nothing. I see these phoneys, the donothing democrats. They keep talking, they do nothing about it, they do nothing about it. I call them the donothing democrats. The donothing democrats and they are do nothing. Joe biden wouldnt have done anything. The democrats have been playing at it for years and havent done anything. Hell say, oh, yes, we did this he did nothing. He did nothing and he got nominated. 47 years he did nothing. For the most part they did lil. I did so much. I did everything and more than everything. Jimmy and more. No president has done more everything than him. [ applause ] this is his official schedule today. From the white house. The president has no Public Events scheduled. This is the longest hes gone without taking questions from reporters since taking office. Its been two weeks. John things are bad when he doesnt even have the energy to go on the lawn and yell at jim acosta. [ laughter ] what trump has been doing is firing people for no good reason. After the head of his own Cybersecurity Agency publicly confirmed that there was no evidence of wrongdoing, and this was the most secure election ever, trump let him go. The guys name is chris krebs. He was terminated last night via tweet. Which is not normal. Usually to get rid of krebs trump uses a comb and medicated shampoo. [ laughter ] the fellows know what im talking about, right, guillermo . Guillermo right, jimmy, yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy its a dangerous time to be reasonable. Basically, if you work for donald trump, there are two possible outcomes. You get fired, or you get covid. [ laughter ] meanwhile, there are some folks in the white house who are working harder than they ever have before. Press secretary kalie macadamia nut job is turning out [ laughter ] jimmy the b. S. At 110 right now. If the president doesnt win and joe biden, its proven that he is the elected president , what happens with the transfer of power . Will it be peaceful . Look, this president has always said he will engage in a peaceful transfer of power if the facts bear out that way. But the president believes, and so too do many others, if every legal vote is counted he will remain president. Hes pursuing litigation. But this president always wants whats in the best interests of our country. Jimmy and by our country she means russia. [ laughter ] i know whats going on, she doesnt want to go back. Her job before this was she was the hostess at applebees. [ laughter ] and they are so desperate to come up with something, anything, that could potentially save this stinking ship, including all sorts of major breaking scoops. Coming to air with you tonight theres reporting that in a third county in georgia, in walton county, they have found the same issue, a memory card that was not registered with votes, and guess what, these votes favor president donald j. Trump. Jimmy whoa, whoa. [ laughter ] how could they forget a memory card . It makes no sense at all. And it got even better from there. I held up these papers, these affidavits. 234 pages of sworn affidavits under penalty of perjury by the way, whoa, what did cnn say about when you held them up on this program . Didnt they accuse you of holding up blank sheets . Thats right, they did about a 10minute monologue saying these were blank. Theyre not blank. Jimmy theyve got sharpie and Barbecue Sauce all over them. [ laughter ] theyre not blank. Thats their best defense now. The papers are not blank the think tank in trumpland is empty. Everything is bogus. Voting results, crowd size, witch hunts, perfect calls, dr. Fauci, rex tillerson, john kelly, john bolton, michael bolton, michael cohen, windmills, caravans. Theyre all against him. The deep state. Hillarys emails. Pizzagate. Every week theres a new plot against donald trump. How much gas is left in this already . 63 days, folks. 63 more days. [ cheers and applause ] while were on the subject of former president s, tomorrow night our guest will be barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] for those of you who are too young to remember or did a lot of drugs was our president just before civilization collapsed. So that will be fun. I have a lot of questions for barack obama. Like, where the hell did you go . [ laughter ] trump by the way is reported to be worried that joe biden is going to get all the credit for the covid vaccine. Which is ridiculous. You think of it like the polio vaccine. You think of jonas salk, the doctor who developed it. Nobody remembers who was president then. Why would donald trump think he is responsible for the vaccine just because it was developed during his presidency . Should we blame him for directing the movie cats too . By that logic. [ laughter ] hes like, i demand credit for the vaccine that stops a virus ive spent almost a year denying is at all a problem. Apparently trump was planning some kind of big reveal. A vacstravaganza of some kind. Of course he was. Ted nugent and kid rock shredding on stage. A mosh pit. A bonfire of n95 masks. Every other tent is a kissing booth. Trump was reportedly planning to have a press conference at which he would read past headlines that were negative toward him. I guess hed say, i told you so. How would that go, exactly . Look at this, trump silent on virus surge as cases rise. Told you trump claims coronavirus outbreak is a fake news conspiracy told you trump went golfing 25 times as a virus killed over 200,000 americans he wants to remind us of this . Go ahead. It sounds like a fun afternoon. [ laughter ] the sad truth is dolly parton did more to stop the coronavirus than the president of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] schools are closed now, tomorrow, in new york. They announced that today. Thanksgiving plans are being canceled. Some businesses are running into problems figuring out appropriate ways to word their advertising. Supermarket chain apologizing for an ad thats been called completely tone deaf. Giant supermarkets ran the ad in the east coast chains magazine. It reads, hosting . Plan a super spread. [ moans ] jimmy at least they were honest. Youve got to own that kind of thing. Make it your brand. If youre going to go, death by shrimp cocktail is not the worst way to do it. [ laughter ] tone deaf would be a great rapper name, right . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy are you even listening . Guillermo i am listening, yeah, its a good name, yeah. [ applause ] jimmy i feel like a gunman could come and shoot me 12 times, you wouldnt ever notice. Guillermo that wont ever happen, jimmy. Jimmy that will never happen . This is a big night for basketball. The nba draft, which is usually in june i have no idea when sports are happening are anymore. I didnt realize how much of my life was scheduled around them. Today was the nba draft. I dont know if you know. Tomorrows the olympics, and the super bowl is the fourth night of hanukkah, i think. [ laughter ] then the weekend after next we have the highly anticipated return of mike tyson. After 15 years, mike tyson is stepping back in the ring to fight roy jones jr. And guess what, hes joining us now from his home. [ cheers and applause ] say hi to mike tyson. Hi, mike. How you doing . Good, man, im doing well. Jimmy its very good to see you. Now, youre fighting saturday after next. The last time you had a professional fight was in 2005. Bush was president in 2005. Yes. Jimmy after that fight you said, im not interested in fighting anymore, i hate it. I think you said, i dont like the smell of the gym, i dont want any of it. What happened, mike . Well, listen. Jimmy, you have to understand, right . Even though i havent been fighting, im champ of many, many countries. Im champ of countries that dont even speak my language. These guys wanted to see me again. Jimmy so youre doing this for the world . Absolutely. They want to see me do this again. Then, of course, i know theres people that are jealous. And i understand. Jealousy is cool, i like jealousy, its very inspirational. Jimmy okay. So im doing a lot of inspiration for people. Jimmy you are fighting for the world, and to stop the haters is what youre saying . Well i love the haters. They inspire me. Jimmy oh, all right. [ laughter ] without haters, im nothing. Im garbage, im nothing without haters. [ laughter ] jimmy thats what motivates you. Roy jones jr. , he just retired a couple of years ago, but you are the favorite. Have you been looking at the odds, the gambling odds . Well i i humbly i humby im i dont look at odds of favor. I make my reality happen. Jimmy right. When im in the ring. Jimmy you dont even wear socks most of the time. No. Well i wont need my socks. [ laughter ] jimmy you dont need socks. That should be the name of this fight. I dont need socks fight. Name of the fight should be beauty. Check this out. Im beautiful, baby. Look at me now. Jimmy wow. Look at this body, baby. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wow. Look at this body, baby. Jimmy wow. You do look beautiful. Have you been abstaining from everything . Hey, listen. Maybe not, no. [ laughter ] but thats for young people to do that. Jimmy uhhuh. I already have my discipline. Jimmy speaking of young people, i want to ask you this. Because i know you are a boxing historian, a student i know a few things, jimmy, i know a few things. Jimmy if 20yearold mike tyson fought 54yearold mike tyson, what would the outcome be . How many rounds, what happens . That would be a pretty interesting fight. Im telling you, that young guy, hes going to run into something. Jimmy what guy. The little reckless young guy. Jimmy okay. Think he got a hard punch and he can take a real good shot . I dont know if he can take one of my shots. Jimmy well, were going to i guess well never find out, no. [ laughter ] mike this fights a little different. Eight twominute rounds, shorter than the usual three. And no fans will be in attendance. Does that make it less fun . I knock people out in less than 8 seconds and the fans didnt have a chance to see it. [ laughter ] jimmy thats true. Sometimes you knocked guys out on your way into the ring, it seemed like. Yeah, thats called lawsuits. [ laughter ] jimmy will you be wearing a mask during this fight . Well im sure my opponent will be wearing one after. [ laughter ] jimmy an oxygen mask, perhaps . Some of the proceeds for this are going to charity. Youre garn deuaranteed 10 mil i dont know nothing about money. Jimmy i do. I dont want no money, take that money that belongs to them. Listen, this is not my life no more. Im here to try to make things happen, make things a better place. I want to die with a good conscience, man. Jimmy i know a lot of people might scoff at this, roll their eyes, but i know this to be true about you. I remember many years ago, i had some idea that could have made you a lot of money and youre like, ah, when i have a lot of money, bad things happen, im going to pass on that. That did, that was really tricky back then, yeah. Jimmy yeah. The time back then. Jimmy will you start buying tigers again or anything like that . No, but im interested in this dog and a couple of horses that i saw. [ laughter ] jimmy all right, a dog and horses, thats good, thats safe. [ applause ] is this a onetime thing, this fight . Or will this is this going to be like a senior tour . Well, you tell me after you witness it. Jimmy okay, all right. Because i have an idea. I would like to see you fight legends from other sports. Id love to see you fight pete rose, for instance. Im very good friends with mr. Rose, thats not going to ever happen. Jimmy maybe you could fight bjorn borg, do you know him . That would be a good fight. [ laughter ] jimmy that would be good, all right. Mike tyson versus roy jones jr. , saturday, november 28th, staples center, 9 00 eastern. Watch the fight on payperview and streaming at tysononstiller. Com. Thank you so much. Jimmy break a leg, but i mean that figuratively, okay . Ill break some drawers. Jimmy all right, pal, take care. [ cheers and applause ] weve got a goo good show. Alex winter is here. Music from beabadoobee. And be right back with goldie hawn and along the way, we noticed wevsomething was missing. Asts. A warm cinnamon roll for breakfast, or with breakfast. A fluffy blueberry muffin, from the drive thru youre already driving through. A glazed apple fritter, which might find its way into your coffee. These are options every breakfasthaver should have, and now. They do. Meet the new bakery sweets at mcdonalds ba da ba ba ba only at target. Its black friday now. This week save on electronics, family apparel, tvs and more. This week only, with new deals every week. Its black friday, now. At target. Alexa, tell roomba to vacuum in front of the couch. Experience clean in a whole new way. Now roomba offers you personalized cleaning suggestions and vacuums exactly where you need it. By getting to know you and your home, roomba makes cleaning easier than ever before. So say goodbye to cleaning and hello to clean. Hey google, tell roomba to vacuum the dining room table. Roomba and the irobot home app. Only from irobot. Roomba and the irobot home app. Pringles wavy. With a big crunch and totally different flavors, theyre not really pringles. Just like thats not really daddy. Yes, it is. Ok. Pringles wavy. Big crunch. Big flavor. Whoa someone please help of course. Youre tenacious, ill give you that its ok, im ok. [heavy breathing] where are you . Coming lets do this yeaahh its on woooo whoa. [heavy breathing] rated rp to t. Shower your pets with gifts and goodies. This week at petsmart. Get a 10 petsmart bonus card when you spend 50 or more. And enjoy free sameday delivery on petsmart. Com powered by doordash. Let the season of spoiling begin. Petsmart. Jimmy welcome back to the show. You know him as either bill or ted, nobodys totally sure, alex winter is with us. [ applause ] later, she is apple musics up next artist. Her debut album is called fake it flowers. Music from beabadoobee. [ applause ] tomorrow night brown band and barack obama will be our guest tonight. An oscar and golden globe winner who was at one time the worlds most famous gogo dancer. Her holiday movie with kurt russell is called the christmas chronicles 2. It premieres a week from today on netflix. Please welcome goldie hawn. [ cheers and applause ] hi, goldie, how are you . Im really good but i miss walking an to the stage. Jimmy i know, i would have loved to have you here. Its one of these things. The walkon is so fun. The audience. It will come back, but im happy to see you this way. Jimmy im happy to see you too. Weve met before but youve not been on the show. Your man friend, kurt russell, has been on the show. Your kids have been on the show. Now i feel like weve completed the set with you and your dog. Yeah, no, me and bennie, yeah. Were a team. And its good to be on the show, i know. I often wonder why im the last one, but its okay, i dont have a problem. Jimmy its called the closer, goldie, the closer. [ applause ] is that the 11 00 number . Jimmy i assume youre at home right now . I am. Im at home. Im in my bedroom. Well, our bedroom. And kurt set this up. And this is the fireplace that he actually helped make and gave me the heart. He went and got that and he put four Little Hearts and those are our children. So hes an okay guy. Jimmy yeah, he is. Hes a real man is what he is. Have you been there during the pandemic, have you been at home the whole time . Yeah, weve been home. Actually, we did go to aspen. And we do for many years, as long as weve been together weve had a place there as well. Jimmy i heard you guys took an rv up to aspen, you drove there . No, no. Kurt got obsessed with an rv. And every morning and every night i would hear a new advertisement that was a video on his ipad. And it was a different guy and it was a different personality and it was all about the door, about the toilet, about you can stand up in the shower, you can whatever. And finally i said, youve got a relationship with this rv that you dont even have yet. And it was pretty unbelievable. Meanwhile, he got one. It came from florida. He was completely obsessed with this thing. And you know, im not what we call a campertype person. But i had to get with it. And i tell you, we did go camping with the family once with all of this, and it was so much fun. I mean, we we had a really good time. It was the first time kurts been driving a big, big van like that. Jimmy the reason i ask you about it, i did exactly the same thing. I started to get a little stircrazy with the kids and i was like, weve got to get out of this house. And so i went to a part of los angeles that i didnt even know existed. [ laughter ] its called downey. [ laughter and applause ] its where they invented the fabric softener, i think. I came home with an rv, much to my wifes consternation. Oh my god, thats my story. I got to know all the guys selling it, you know. At one point kurt called them up and said, look, you sold me the rv, youre my guy. Thats when i thought, now we have a serious problem, because theres a bromance going on. I had nothing to do with buying it, nor did i say, lets go camping not my thing. Anyway, how did you do when you first started driving such a big thing . Jimmy i did okay. I will tell you, though, i understand the bond that kurt has with this rv salesman because i had the same thing. Because as we drove, i had 100,000 questions for him. And you have to be able to get in touch with him in case anything bad happens. 100 . I really thought that we would see him at the camp. [ laughter ] i thought this guy was going to have to get my side of the bed up, it was really something. Were driving, we out we werent in downey, we were somewhere in the valley. Were now driving, we have the kids with us, oliver had a big trailer, we were going on this trip. So on this were driving down the 101. And were i said to kurt, honey, i think youre hitting those cones. They kind of look like theyre cement but theyre not. And were hitting those. He said, i know, but theres people coming on my left and i dont want to get into that. And i said, okay, well then hit the cones, i guess. Thats the best thing. [ laughter ] all of a sudden i see wyatt flying past us. He must be doing 100 miles an hour, this is crazy. In the meantime, we finally get there where were supposed to go, aside from the fact that we got to the wrong place, it was horrible, blah blah. But when we got all together, i said, wyatt, you were hightailing it right past us. He said, mom, you guys were doing 50 miles an hour in a 70mileanhour zone. You had a city of cars behind you. And literally you didnt know. And kurts driving and having fun. And it was like a joke. So anyway, point is, we had the biggest family laugh i think we ever had. We were all together, and i cant remember having a laugh like that. We laugh a lot in our family, but we were around the campfire that night and i swear to god, we laughed for about probably 10 minutes straight. About how what asses we were. [ laughter ] theres Nothing Better than laughing at yourself. This is family time. Jimmy it has become family time. Turns out a fear of a deadly pandemic has really brought us together. [ laughter ] goldie, i am from las vegas. I grew up there.