Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712 : comparemela

KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 12, 2024

[cheers and applause] zone a is the best zone. The rest of you are zone bm. Is what you are over in the you know today this morning, an asteroid the size of a school bus narrowly passed by earth. In astronomical terms, it just missed us. Which is a shame. I feel like some of you arent praying hard enough. With each passing day, it seems more and more likely that we are on the brink of something very bad. Our president made another history making Statement Last night, when asked if he would leave the white house gracefully if he doesnt win. Win, lose or draw in this election, would you commit here today for a peaceful transfer a a alof pure after the election . Well have to see what happens, as you know ive been complaining very strongly about the ballots, the ballots are a disaster. I understand that, but the people are rioting. We want to, get rid of the ballots, and well have a very peaceful, there wont be a transfer, frankly, therell be a continuation. Jimmy well, so much for that nobel peace prize. That is you know, we make a lot of jokes about this guy, but what he just said is terrifying. If he doesnt win, he wants to burn this country down several republican senators pushed back on the president s dangerous words, even that old son of a Mitch Mcconnell poked his head out of his shell to refute it. He tweeted the winner of the november 3rd election will be inaugurated on january 20th. There will be an orderly transition just as there has been every four years since 1792. That is crazy. Imagine having to come out in support of a peaceful transfer of power. You cant just squat the white house and these monsters are busy cooking up all sorts of ways to fix this election. There is a very disturbing report in the atlantic about this. The Trump Administration has a plan to steal the election. As you probably know, the president isnt chosen by popular vote. Hillary beat trump by almost 3 million votes. Al gore got more votes than george bush. The election is officially decided by the states, through the Electoral College. But the delegates sent to the Electoral College are supposed to vote for the person who got the most votes in their state. But this is donald world were living in here. He doesnt just look like a cheeto, its his motto. So heres what theyre planning, according to the atlantic. Step one, trump and his subdemons tell everyone the election is rigged against him, which right off the bat, is nuts. Hes the president but you can see hes doing that now. He keeps saying the mailin ballots are fraudulent, even though he himself votes by mail then in the likely event that biden gets more votes, hell be able to say see . He got fraudulent votes then, since six of the key battleground states have republicancontrolled legislatures, the legislatures send trump loyalists to the Electoral College who say, well, we dont know who got the most votes. Those mailin ballots are fraudulent, we knew that all along so since we dont know, well go ahead and vote for the guy we like. So they cast their votes, trump wins the Electoral College and is president for four more years. You have to hand it to them. Theyre not too bright, but every once in a blue moon they come up with a good one. Or maybe putin comes up with it for them. So he steals the election, and then who knows what happens . I dont know about you, but i miss the days when hearing about a civil war just meant a new captain america movie. And while trump is working hard to discredit an election that hasnt even happened yet, his press secretary, kylie macaroni, is busy working to discredit any reporter who dares to ask about this. Kelly, i wonder if you can clarify or clean up something the president said yesterday. If he loses this election, can you assure us that there will be a peaceful transfer of power. You are referring to the question asked by the playboy reporter, right . Im referring to the president being asked if there will be a peaceful transfer of power, and did he not say. Im asking, will there be a peaceful transfer of power if he loses. I believe that question asked by the playboy power, i believe i have it right here. Jimmy gee, kayleigh really doesnt like playboy. Maybe they rejected the god only knows whats in those pockets there. Uncle scam was at it again today before his visits to florida and north carolina, he stopped to float more of this nonsense about mailin ballots. Mr. Brez president , are the Election Results only reliable if you win . They found eight ballots in a wastepaper basket in some location. They found, it was reported in one of the newspapers that they found a lot of ballots in a river. They throw them out if they have the name trump as many as o. Jimmy sir, those were bed, bath and beyond coupons. Well, they still got wet. They were in a river. Rarely do you see a sore loser before they even play the game. Meanwhile, the president s third favorite son tweeted today. I know children running for First Grade Class president that spend more time campaigning then joe biden has running for a president of the united states. You do . Who are these first graders you know . What are their names . And how do you know them . Does first grade even have a class president . We didnt when i was a kid. Is it possible that Donald Trump Jr never went to school . And of all the things you could say about joe biden, lazy seems like a strange choice given that your father spends most of his time watching lou dobbs and dunking big macs into soup bowls full of ketchup. Speaking of lou dobbs. This is a good one. Lou dobbs from fox business is donald trump sycophant number one with a bullet my quote of the day comes from the new book the trump century, i wrote, if President Trump can win again, he would join Winston Churchill and alexander the great among the greatest leaders of world history. And if he falls short, well, there is no point in considering the possibility. Hes a winner. The winner. Jimmy boy, lou, he skips right past the penis and goes straight to the ball pin. Hes, trump needs that right now. He needs all his support from his friends. The president and first lady visited the Supreme Court today, to pay their respects to the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg. And that did not go as well as hed hoped. He was greeted with boos and chants of vote him out. Vote him out, vote him out. Trump plans to announce his nominee to replace Justice Ginsburg on saturday. He says it will be a woman. Someone who looks good in a robe. Hopefully. You know, i was thinking about it, and i was wondering how far would be too far for republicans who support donald trump. So we went out on the street to take a socially distant survey. We asked people what they thought of the president s decision to nominate his daughter, ivanka, to be the next Supreme Court justice. The big announcement today, President Trump replacing Justice Ruth Bader ginsburg, announcing hed be replacing her with his daughter ivanka. What was your reaction when you first learned about that . I was a little surprised. I think its a good pick. What do you like about her . Shes a smart businesswoman. Shes educated. Really good institutions and i think shes going to be good for the economy, not for the economy, good fort country. Does the fact that she doesnt have a law degree matter . I dont think it does. Where did you watch the admounsment . Heard it on the radio. Who were buyou with . My son. He lives here in hollywood. What do you think about the robes with the high slit . Hes a pervert. What did you say about him making the announcement with ivanka on his lap . That image of ivanka on his lap was completely and totally inappropriate. Hes the president of the united states, the biggest and greatest country on earth. That absolutely should not happen. He says ivanka promises so overturn row row v your boat. Do you think thats good or no . I dont know. Is it time to overturn row row v your boat . Potentially. As a woman, do you find yourself more on the side of row row or the boat . Probably row row. Im sure you saw this morning, President Trump stood on the white house lawn and said that ivanka is just like Ruth Bader Ginsburg but pardon my language, [ bleep ] hotter. When you saw that, how did you feel . I felt very angry. Very sad. Its a very sexist thing to say, not something a president should say about other women. Do you agree with donald trump, its time to add some sex appeal to the court . This is such a, oh, my god, this is crazy somebody would say that. No, absolutely not. Can i ask you real quick . Are those that youre reading to me, are they true . Or is it something you guys make up for the program . Yeah, making it up for the program. Oh, so its not true. No. Oh, my god, i look like an idiot now. But i can imagine him doing this stuff, though, thats the crazy part. The crazy part. Jimmy all right, and one more thing before we forge ahead. Its thursday night. We are back in the studio, which means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week, whether they need it or not, its this week in unnecessary censorship. [cheers and applause] billionaire Mike Bloomberg has stepped in to help [ bleep ] in florida their [ bleep ] ahead of election day. Mayor de blasio says he need the 9 billion yesterday to [ bleep ] the [ bleep ] hole. This is completely overwhelming and i [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ] you. They gave lihim a big fat [ bleep ] in the ass and he comes out. And for two hours, hes better than ever before. You [ bleep ], you [ bleep ] well. How important as you [ bleep ] to see those first couple go through the bottom . Obviously, it helps. Nice to see those first ones go. Why dont you keep my daughters [ bleep ] out of your filthy mouth i like to hang out in my back yard, drink a couple biereers a [ bleep ] some [ bleep ]. Wow, sounds good to me. Jimmy all right. Weve got a good show for you tonight. We have music from amine. We have an amazing story, truly, from our healthcare hero of the week, and well be right back with Norman Reedus. So stick around. [cheers and applause] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by walmart plus. All kinds of things today. But what about being a member of the family . What about being a member of the community . What about being a member of humanity . So stick around. 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Ba da ba ba ba do i use a toothpaste that or one thats good for my teeth . Now i dont have to choose. Crest 3d white. It removes up to 95 of surface stains. And strengthens enamel. From the number one toothpaste brand in america. Crest. This was the theater i came to quite often. The support weve had over the last few months has been amazing. Its not just a work environment. Everyone here is family. If you are ready to open your heart and your home, check us out. We thought for sure that we were done. And this town said not today. [ applause ] jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Tonight, his album is called limbo. Weve got music from amine on the way. He will be performing from a hot air balloon. I know it sounds like a joke, but its not. He will. Next week, we are back at it. Back to work with kal penn, julie bowen. Music from haim and travis scott and senator Bernie Sanders will be with us live after the debate. On tuesday night. And we will also be in primetime, for our annual nba finals pregame shows featuring adam sandler, jamie foxx, matthew mcconaughey, and many more. So please join us for a very, very busy week. Next week. Our first guest tonight somehow managed to survive ten years of flesh eating zombies, human psychopaths and lots of expired Dairy Products as daryl dixon on the the walking dead. The show returns to amc sunday, october 4th. Please welcome Norman Reedus. Hello, norman. Hi. [ applause ] how are you doin . Jimmy hows everything . Its good. Its really good. Im back in georgia at the moment. Its pouring rain here. Its wild to be back, but its good. Jimmy is that your airbnb . You know where im at is im actually in the studio in our conference room, and this, these are all the people that have died on our show. Jimmy wow. Its like a, yeah, its a memorial to our fallen cast mates. Jimmy to the unemployed is really what it is, wow. So youre back to work officially now. I am, yeah. You know, we have all these protocols now. We have to take covid tests three times a week. We have the epidemiologist from the pentagon during the sars scare is our onset interedocto. Jimmy wow. Theres a whole thing going on over here. Jimmy thats kind of funny, too, thinking about this show is about zombies and everybodys getting tested and you have the guy from the pentagon there making sure youre wearing a maska mask every day. You have your own military fighting this disease. So you have your own army army y is it weird to be back in the workplace . Its weird to be in the workplace. Usually its the hottest part of the year. I get my head right to sweat a lot, but its pretty cold. Jimmy where were you holed up during all this . You know, i came from, i was doing ride in new zealand, and i did two episodes. Jimmy thats your travel show. You ride around Different Countries and places with friends and whatnot, right . Yeah, i was with josh brolin and dylan mcdermott. We were having a good time, and i went where my girl was working and we had a house we had rented. I arrived at 6 00 a. M. I have a brandnew daughter, she wakes up and points at the grass and says bird. So we went out into the grass, and i was like, this is nice, you can sit out in the grass here, and we looked at houses. My girl had a table reading. She went to the table reading, and i bought a house while she weighs in t was in the reading, so she couldnt say no. Jimmy you actually made the purchase and she didnt get to check did out or anything, shuh . Well, she saw it, but she said very to go to this meeting, and i sent her a text message saying were moving. Jimmy was she happy about that or super annoyed . She was happy. She forgave me. Jimmy so then you stayed in los angeles during that time . I stayed in los angeles for a while, and at one point i flew to new york and drove a car back so that wed have a car in los angeles. Jimmy wow. So i drove the entire way by myself. Jimmy you went yourself and drove the car back. Yeah. Jimmy thats funny. Was it a nice drive . How long did it take you . It took me about three and a half days, so i took a stuffed monkey with me, every once in a while i talked to the monkey, but it took me about three days. There was nobody on the roads. The hotels were empty. It was really surreal. Jimmy did anyone spot you and the monkey on the road together . A couple of people. I had one good ole boy was like, why are you wearing a mask . You dont gotta wear a mask. Im not wearing a mask, and i was like, you will be. Jimmy you havent checked back in with him, have you . No. Jimmy and the monkey, what happens after your long drive together . Does he just get thrown in a closet or something . Or is he treated as a member of the family . My daughter took the monkey. Jimmy so he does have a home, all right. Well, i wanted to ask you something, because at the beginning of all of this, in march, your girlfriend, diane, posted this photograph. And it says, and this, shes referring to you, i dont think he understood the concept of two weeks worth of nonperishable foods, when you let your boyfriend go grocery shopping. Thats what you came home with . Yeah. Well, i mean, i kind of did it online. I didnt really go to the grocery store. Jimmy oh, you did. Yeah, and i thought i was getting six potatoes. I didnt realize i was getting six boxes of potatoes. But wes all of them. And a lot of our neighbors had potatoes. Jimmy you ate all the potatoes . I gave a lot of potatoes away. Jimmy hey, theres a guy giving away potatoes here in the neighborhood. Thats a way to warm yourself up to the neighbors, thats for sure. When did you do this . I imagine you do this a lot. You take photographs as you work, correct . I do, yeah. Jimmy youve made a book of photographs called portraits from the woods. Its not out yet, but i wanted to ask you about it, the pictures are great, really great photographs here. Do you carry a camera with you every place you go . I do. I travel a lot, and i take a lot of pictures. Jimmy and you just took some candid shots from the set, and others. I like this one. This is one of, a faceless man smoking . Hes got a straw, yeah. I think it was shown we just chopped his face off, so i took a picture. Jimmy was the straw in his mouth for practical reasons or for fun . I think hes breathing through. His mouth is sealed up. They have to cover his mouths so when they chop his face they dont chop his lips off, i imagine. Jimmy they say showbiz is glamorous, but when you look at this this, not so much. Heres an undead woman enjoying a mountain dew. Yeah. I think, i think the zombies on our show are kind of used to me, can you just hold that there for a second . Is ki kind of let pme get away it. Jimmy anything you do thats normal is hysterical, right . Is this on ride . Thats on ride. Dave became a really good friend of mine. Hes such a genius guy. He was the guest at a comedy club. So we filmed him going in and surprising the comedy

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