Back to norway. I used to host a late night show myself called lopez tonight. Its been a few years, but they say hosting late night is like riding a bike. We do it because weve had too many duis. Well, i have. Were going to have a lot of fun here tonight. Well, i know im going to have a lot of fun. For all i know you saw my hair and changed the channel ten seconds ago. This hair is something new for me. I decided 59 was the perfect age to start looking like a West Hollywood brunch waiter. I went to my barber and said i want to look like a cross between danny trejo and justin bieber. Brown skin and blond hair. This is what we in the Latinx Community call hedging our bets. People keep saying i remind them of someone, and i finally figured it out. Im a cross between walta mercado, and a troll doll. Just so you know, i didnt actually dye my hair. I got scared, because my postmates guy showed up without a mask. Mayor garcetti just said that los angeles may face another stayathome order. A second lockdown. Here in l. A. , were just calling it a reboot. Fuller house. If youre like me and you didnt bother to get in shape for beach season, everybody with d cups, were all winners. You know, its not fair that rich people get to quarantine in huge mansions and poor people have to do it in tiny little apartments. I feel like this is the second time, we should switch it up, right . You were in a bel air estate the first time . This time . A studio in compton. Trevor, pack your bags. I want to say hello to my virtual amigo. The only mexican to ever marry a karen. Guillermo guillermo hi, everybody guillermo, what are you doing . Guillermo hey, george, you look like fabio. Thanks. How are you doing . Guillermo im doing great. What kind of suit do you have on . What the back up a little more, guillermo, are you in your underwear . Guillermo no, im wearing shorts. Thank god. Okay. You dont have to spin. Thats good. Dont spin, please. So how have you been handling the quarantine . Guillermo good, ive been drinking, eating, making sweet love to my wife. Okay, thats enough. Im going to call i. C. E. Next time you want to make sweet love, dont be surprised. All right, guillermo, gracias. So this is crazy. The Immigration Agency i. C. E. , or as i call it, vanilla i. C. E. , is launching a sixweek Citizens Academy where they will teach ordinary people about how they arrest undocumented immigrants. This is a real thing. Its happening this september in chicago. It may be the only school open this fall. A spokesperson for i. C. E. Said the goal is to build cages with the community. I mean bridges. The goal is to build bridges with the community. Not cages. The way things are, if i was in a cage i might say, you know what, im good here. To pass the final exam, you have to run into an olive garden kitchen and yell, come out with your hands up why are americans so obsessed with deporting immigrants, when there are far worse homegrown u. S. A. Holes that need to go. For instance, instead of kicking out a mother of four who volunteers at a food bank, why not deport this maniac who threw a fit at a grocery store, because they asked her to wear a mask . [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ] [ bleep ]. I dont give a [ bleep ]. Oh, my god. [ bleep ]. And they say all the good ones are taken. Cleanup in aisle 1, 2, 4, 7, 5. Maybe she was just trying to get into the ten items or less line. Instead of deporting a dentist from guatemala who has been part of his community for two decades, lets deport these jackasses painting over a black lives matter mural. You want some . [ bleep ]. Whats up . Im right here. [ bleep ]. I give them a lot of credit. A lot of honkies would have just hired a mexican to do the painting. We should deport them, but we should send them straight to africa. Good luck, guys. Instead of ousting a 24yearold medical student who has been here since she was 2, why not get rid of costco kenny. Youre harassing me. Im not harassing you. I feel threatened. I feel threatened, back off back the [ bleep ] up put your [ bleep ] phone down yes, sir. I did not know they sold big boxes of steroids at costco. I guess the meditation hasnt kicked in yet. And finally, instead of deporting a church pastor, lets get rid of this shameless psychopath, who been sitting there hawking beans in the middle of a pandemic. The president posted a photo to instagram, smiling with goya products laid out on the resolute desk. If only goya made selftanner and adderall. Hey, donald. Ask jared to google cabron. It means really good president. Speaking of trump, after three months, he is doing his daily coronavirus briefings. Thank god. I was wondering which household cleaner to drink next. Whats the point of these briefings . Every word out of his mouth is a lie. Even calling it a briefing is a lie. Its not brief. The guy talks for two hours. From now on, lets call it what it really is, a [ bleep ] storm. The president appeared at his daily [ bleep ] storm today. Would Somebody Just explain to this goofball that the sooner he takes the virus seriously, the sooner he can get back to doing standup at monster truck rallies . But i would like to congratulate the president on a milestone. Last week marked the 275th time he visited a golf club since becoming president. Its a wonder that he has any time left to destroy the country. And last week, when people called him out on it, he tweeted that golf is his exercise. And clearly its working. Look at that adonis. Man, listen, i love golf. I play all the time. I love it. But golf counts as exercise the way fox that counts as news. And trumps exercise has cost taxpayers 137 million. Cant we just buy that lardass a peloton . Since were paying for it, i want to analyze the president s 137 million golf swing. Lets take a look. So smooth, graceful, like a gazelle that was just shot by don junior. Its not surprising that trump has horrible followthrough in each swing. He swings like a lumberjack who missed the tree. Lets see it again. Freeze it right there. Now zoom in. Look at his pants. Why are they so high . That belt is working much harder than it needs to be. Does he think that hiking up his pants makes everything below his waist invisible . From what i hear, its invisible without pants. Lets see from a different angle. I see some good things here. Look at his core. Thats where any great golfer gets their power. Hes thicc with two cs, just like his high School Report card. And those childbearing hips. It looks like his water could break in the middle of his swing. When he yells fore, hes giving his donut order. Now lets break down his grip, crucial to any golfers game. Zoom in. As you can see, its a very unconventional grip. The way he interlaces his fingers. He has such soft, supple hands. He swings. Widen back out, yes. He swings, hitting the ball. Well done, mr. President. And off goes his caddie to find the ball in the woods. He has a special talent for finding trumps balls. All right, when we come back, mr. Willie nelson. Verizon knows how to build unlimited right. You start with the network j. D. Power has named the most awarded for Network Quality 25 times in a row. This network is one less thing i have to worry about. Then, give people more plans to mix and match, so you only pay for what you need. That is so cool include the best in entertainment, and offer it all starting at 35. With the iphone everyone wants. Iphone 11 pro on us, when you buy one. Because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Only on verizon. [orange] hey, whats up guys . [ginger] oh my god [captain] orange, why are you naked . [orange] oh god, is my camera on . [captain] ill never unsee this. [orange] okay hold on. Hows that . [miscellaneous reactions of disgust] [orange] floridas finest baby. 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Can you change the color inside the car . Oh sure. How about blue . Thats more cyan but. Jump in the back seat, jim. Act like my kids. How much longer . Exactly how they sound. Its got massaging seats too, right . Oh yeahhhhh. Oh yeahhhhh. Visit the mercedesbenz summer event or shop online at participating dealers. Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on select new and certified preowned models. And your friend says they dont want fries. Get them the fries. Or else, your fries. Will be their fries. Ba da ba ba ba less oral steroids. Taking my treatment at home. Nucala is a oncemonthly addon injection for severe eosinophilic asthma. Not for sudden breathing problems. Allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. Infections that can cause shingles have occurred. Dont stop steroids unless told by your doctor. Tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. May cause headache, injection site reactions, back pain, and fatigue. Ask your doctor about nucala at home. Find your nunormal with nucala. This is about the next 10 years. Pero hoy, tu puedes hacer algo. You can make a difference today by completing the census. The census impacts everything from hospitals, schools and public transportation. It is more important than ever before that everyones voice is heard. The census builds america, so the census count should look like america. Shape the future of brooklyn. Kansas city. Tucson. Atlanta. Oregon. Los angeles. D. C. Start here at 2020census. Gov. Welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im guillermos stepfather, george lopez. Tomorrow night, i wont be here, but sean hayes will be hosting with his guest jason bateman, and the Jimmy Kimmel LiveHealth Care Hero of the week. Our guest tonight truly needs no introduction, but im going to give him one, just so he knows we are actually on tv right now. He is a genuine legend of both Country Music and cannabis, with a new album called first rose of spring, available now. Please welcome the one and only Willie Nelson. Thank you, thank you. How you doing . Im good, brother. Im going to ask a question. I know you have a place in maui. Do you prefer the surf and turf . Do you prefer the surf of maui to live or the turf of austin to live . Where do you feel more comfortable . Well, ive been kind of spoiled. I can take the best of both worlds there. I would love to go to maui now, but with all the b. S. Going on around the world, its hard to get there, and then you got to quarantine a while and all that. So i love maui, but im in a pretty good spot. With someone like you, marijuana is so widely accepted. Is it shocking to you to see how well marijuana is being received . No, i always knew that people would realize its benefits. And now that its in 30 states medicinally its legal. And in a lot of states, recreationally its legal. So its on the way. And i think its a good thing. You know, theres so many benefits of cannabis, you know, health, appetite, anxiety, forgetting things, but medically, its a good thing, isnt it . Its a good thing to forget things, i think. [ laughter ] hey, do you remember the first joint that you ever smoked . You know, i have been smoking something all my life. I started out smoking when i was just a kid, grape vines. Cedar bark. And then i got to bull durham and so all along i was smoking something. And then i got to where i realized that my lungs were caving in, so i had to quit something. So i wasnt getting high on chesterfields, so i threw them away and rolled up 20 big, fat joints, stuck it in my pocket and i havent had a cigarette since. My man, exactly, thank you. I know in december that, i saw it on a scroll, but people tripped out because i think you said you were going to quit smoking marijuana, and the whole world went upsidedown, right . I read that somewhere. And i had a nice laugh about it. Yeah, because once snoop has anointed you, because i think you outsmoke snoop. Hes tough. Thats like the pope telling you that youre a good catholic. So i had the honor of meeting, i know he was a good friend of yours, merle haggard. Yes, he really was. And he invited me into his bus, and when i walked in, there was a wonderful smell of marijuana, and i went over, and i talked to him. Hes from oildale. I had some relatives out there. You passed around a bottle of George Dickle. Im looking for a glass. Hes like, were country folks, we dont use many glasses. Im there smoking and drinking George Dickle from the bottle. In about an hour and a half he says to his wife, how was the show, honey, and she says, merle, we havent done the show yet. Yeah, i love my question is, can you be too high, willie . Can someone be too high . Yeah, sure, you can be too drunk, you can be too high. Sure, ive been too high before and i realized it pretty quick. So merle walked on stage with the cowboy hat and the glasses, didnt miss a beat, which was amazing. But have you been on stage and not known where you were . Yeah, i have smoked too much before a show, and i dont remember the town, but i do remember that i wasnt able to do a show. I walked out there and said, sorry, and went back to the bus. And i came back about a month later, and said, i think i remember being here before. So you stayed in that bus a month and then you came back out . No, you didnt. Well, i had other dates to play. So this is your 70th album. Congratulations. Thank you. What do you like about this music . What will we like about this album, willie . This is my 15th album with buddy cannon as my producer. He and i work so well together writing and recording, and i think this particular album has a lot of good songs on it. The title song, first rose of spring, is a great song. And in fact all the songs on there are good. Yesterday when i was young closes out the album, and thats always been a nice standard. When were you growing up, who was musical in your family . Well, my sister bobbie and i, she was a great, is a great piano player, and weve been playing Music Together all our lives, and she taught me a lot. She could read music early. And i would sit on a piano stool next to her, and while she was playing songs like stardust and moonlight in vermont, i was learning them as she was playing them. So it must be even more special that youve done some work with your sons, like the song youre going to perform with your kids. Its great working with the boys. Working with all the kids is good. Ive got some talented kids. I appreciate that. Do they all play the guitar . Or piano . How many instruments do you play . Well, i, you know, play at the guitar, but thats about it. But, no, luke and micah can play piano, they play pretty good piano, drums, and practically anything here in my living room here. Ive got all kind of instruments, guitars and pianos, so they were around Musical Instruments all their lives, and i didnt push them. I just kind of let them drift into it as they wanted to and theyve really done well. Well, you have one of those unmistakable sounds that from the minute the guitar chord is struck, Everybody Knows its you. Well, thats trigger. Baby yeah. I love you, willie, thank you, man. Thanks for being my guest. My pleasure, good to talk to you. When we come back, music from Willie Nelson. How do you think they make starbursstarburst . Juicy . Juicedratic equation. Super topsecret mathematical formula they keep stored inside a safe, inside a vault, olca. Super topsecret mathematical formula they keep stored unexplainably juicy. Daxx daxx daxx daxx choose your fighter daxx, with antioxidant vitamin c given the choice, why wouldnt you choose the one with antioxidant vitamin c . Choose vizzy hard seltzer. For bathroom odors that linger try febreze small spaces. Just press firmly and it continuously eliminates odors in the air and on soft surfaces. For 45 days. Tomorrow can only be better with wendys breakfast. Win with a breakfast baconator, honey butter chicken biscuit, sausage egg and swiss croissant, or a maple bacon chicken croissant free with mobile order purchase. Tomorrows lookin good fenow theres more to wlove with xfinity x1, . The ultimate entertainment experience. Like live sports. Theyre back with the best way to watch. And more streaming apps all in one place. Classics. More premiers. E back with the best way to watch. Plus, more to easily find using just your voice. Hello, more. Where have you been all my life . Me. [ barking ] for the ultimate inhome wifi, click, call or visit us today. Welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im george lopez. His new album is called first rose of spring. Here with a song he wrote back in 1964, joined by his sons micah and lukas, the great Willie Nelson. The skys never blu stars are rain drop searchin for a place to fall i never cared for you i know you wont believe these things i tell you i know you wont believe your heart has been forewarned all men will lie to you mine cannot deceive what i say to you i prepared these statements baby to dbeeve the sky was filled with lights and the sky was never blue the stars are raindrops searching for a place to fall and i never cared for you the sun is filled with ice and gives no warmth at all the sky was never blue the stars are raindrops searching for a place to fall and i never cared for you and i never cared for you i never cared for you i never cared for you this is my body of proof. Proof i can fight moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis. Proof i can fight psoriatic arthritis. With humira. Proof of less joint pain. And clearer skin in psa. Humira targets and blocks a source of inflammation that contributes to joint pain and irreversible damage. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. Serious and sometimes fatal infections, including tuberculosis, and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened