Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240713 : comparemela

Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240713

Is that when you talk about wths virus just disappearing, and ive said this many times, its just not going to happen. Jimmy wait until his parents get home. Theyre going to be furious. Fauci told the New York Times yesterday that rereopening the country too soon could lead to needless suffering and death. Which, i believe, is trumps new campaign slogan. Fauci and trump seem to have opposite views of how to handle this. Trump says we have prevailed on the same day everyone at the white house was required to wear masks. So i guess it just comes down to who you believe the doctor who is one of the worlds leading experts on Infectious Disease or our personal pan president. Do you really think this is the right thing for us to be doing, ivana . What will people think . Letem talk. Ivana. Its wrong, isnt it . But it feels so right. Then its a deal . Yes, well eat the pizza the wrong way. Crust first. Jimmy now hes eating our country backwards. Thanks to our president , there is a divide among party lines about whether or not we should be staying at home. Which is silly because viruses dont care who you vote for so im going to try to summarize what dr. Fauci said today with a metaphor. Think of this lockdown as a scab. A big, ugly scab on our nations face. Its not pretty. In fact, its ugly, its awful, but its doing an important job. Its healing and containing the wound. The best thing you can do with a scab is be patient and let it fall off. Unfortunately there are some impatient people who want to dig their tiny, orange fingernails into the scab and rip it off. And eat it. And while that would feel good for a minute if you rip off the scab and the wound is still bleeding, you have to start all over again with a new scab. So what dr fauci is saying is the same thing your mother said. Dont pick the scab. And while our picktator in chief continues to pat himself on the back and insist the numbers are going down almost everywhere they are not. Nbc news got hold of an unreleased report from trumps own Pandemic Task force that shows the numbers are going way up in many spots across the country. The virus is surging across the midwest. And the south. This is from a restaurant in castle rock, colorado that decided to open on mothers day despite an order that bans inhouse dining throughout the state. You can see, no one was protecting themselves. Well, if its moms last meal you might as well make it delicious. In clearwater, florida demonstrators gathered outside a courthouse to protest the fact that gyms are closed. There are people out there, their preference is to go to a gym and work out with others and to do classes. And here we see the pushups. Jimmy looks to me like they dont need a gym. Theyve got a perfectly good sidewalk to do pushups on. And this is interesting at fox news, which is the little engine behind the back to work movement, they just decided to keep their own offices closed through june 15th. Isnt that something . Fox news, the ones who are making fun of people cowering at home is advising its employees to stay at home. Because apparently they dont get their news from fox news. So looks like we have at least another month of judge jeanine smearing her lipstick on like the joker. At least two white house staffers have tested positive for the virus. And as part of increased Safety Measures the president and Vice President will keep social distance from each other. They decided to separate pence from trump because research has shown that in some rare cases the coronavirus can be spread by pets. And they dont want the president to get it. Trump and pence are being tested for the virus every day. And i know its a small consolation but it does bring me some joy to know that every morning those two get a qtip rammed in their brain. Today White House Press secretary kayleigh macallayly continued to downplay the importance of testing even though she gets one every day and suggested that theres a simple and better solution. Testing is not preventive. What is preventive is wearing this mask. Jimmy that i am not wearing right now. Even though the president says everything is great he is also desperate to blame the fact that it isnt on anyone but him. His new thing is obamagate. He doesnt know what obamagate is but hes going with it. Hes very mad because obama said the governments response to the virus has been a chaotic disaster. And in an interview with trumps daughterinlaw Mitch Mcconnell the Senate Majority leader pretended to be mad too. I think president obama should have kept his mouth shut, you know. We know he doesnt like much this administration. Thats understandable. But i think its a little bit classless, frankly, to critique an administration that comes after you. Jimmy wait, obama is classless . Hes joking now, right . Of all the wildly hypocritical things anyone has said about anything during this ordeal the idea that obama is classless and shouldnt say bad things about another president that might take the cake the tonnage of terrible things trump has said about obama, i would put them all on screen, but no one in the world has a bigenough screen to see them all the screen over the field where the Dallas Cowboys play isnt big enough. So he had to be kidding. Mitch, you dirty little snapping turtle, you got us again meanwhile this is what obamas buddy joe is up to. We are now less than six months away from the election. And the onslaught of emails will not let up. Team biden sent this one to supporters with what i hope is not their new catch phrase. Show everyone youre ridin with biden. Jimmy great idea. Who else wants to hop in a car with a 77yearold driver that cant keep his eyes on the road behind the wheel . Hell be the one with his blinker on the whole way. And one more item on the subject of working from home. Ive noticed that for some reason meteorologists, maybe because no one cares about the weather when you cant go out, are very involved with their pets. And sometimes those pets make it difficult for them to do their work from home. Saturday, sun and clouds, 53. Sunday, partly sunny with sprinkles possible late. Hey, look at that. My cat charlie just showed up on the table. Cold air, three, two, one. Cold air continues, potential for frost and freeze for some of us. Warmup, its going to take [ dog barking ] hes not going to move, he just whacked the computer with his head. Betty here, the household cat seems to be enamored with all the lights here. Three, two, one, maple, shush. [ dog barking ] three, two, one. After a glorious day, clouds on the way in [ dog barking ] probably into thursday as well. [ meow ] as a slowmoving system moves across, and that could bring us about an inch of rain. [ dog barking ] jimmy thats a man who has had enough. We need to take a break but we will be right back with Lionel Richie. So stick around. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by knew tra gina. Not just any retinol. Accelerated retinol sa. For not only smoother skin in one day, but youngerlooking skin in just one week. And thats clinically proven. Results that fast or your money back. Unless youre attached to your wrinkles. One week is all it takes. Neutrogena®. Tuna for jj. Turkey for tj. Turkey for jj. Tuna for tj. This is why we named your brother derek. Get a free footlong yup, free. When you buy one on the subway app. Order now. When you buy one on the subway app. A new moment in wireless has begun. Tmobile and sprint are joining forces. By bringing together our two networks, tmobile will build americas largest and most reliable 5g network. With more towers, more engineers, and more coverage. Youll get the best 5g network, and the best prices. Welcome to tmobile. Americas largest 5g network. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. Tomorrow night the great bill murray will join us from his magic rainbow in the sky. And on thursday stephen curry. My guest tonight is one of the greatest and most beloved american singer songwriters. He says you, he says me, he says watch him on the Season Finale of American Idol sunday night on abc. Please welcome Lionel Richie. Hi, lionel, how are you . Jimmy, jimmy, how are you . Im doing very well. Im kind of honored to be like the only guest. I love this. I get to talk the whole segment. Jimmy i dont want to talk to anyone but you, lionel. Youve had a big resurgence in my house. Because ive started playing your songs for my 5yearold daughter, and she loves them. And ive had to explain like jambusaydeleon. What does it mean . I know ive asked you before. It doesnt really mean anything, does it . The truth of the matter is it means nothing. I just realized in creating that song, there are 101 african dialects. By the time i figured out which one was to be the one to use i said, ill make up one. Jimmy you know what . It means what it sounds like it means. It means fun, is what it means. Thats exactly right. Jimmy during this quarantine, have you considered growing your giant afro back . Has that crossed your mind at any moment . You know, whether i considered it or not. Jimmy uhhuh. It is coming back with great vigor, understand. And i am happy at this age and time in my life that there is an afro coming back, thank you very much. Thats the good thing. Im a little afraid to cut it right now. It may jinx the whole thing. But it is working very well. I can always tell when afro is here. I go from combing to picking. Jimmy you always push the sleeves of your jacket up. Its something you have always done. Only you could figure that out. Its an old 80s thing, if you notice anything correctly. Its one of those things where i cant talk like this. It always feels better if im having a conversation, its like crossing your legs, you know . Jimmy every single artist should have a thing, and thats your thing. Thats my thing . Jimmy on the American Idol finale, you will be singing we are the world. Its very exciting. Im wondering how this will work. Will the contestants be part of this . Katy perry . Luke be part of this . How is this going to work . All of the above. I was excited about presenting it to them. Ive been asked 1001 times, are you going to write a new song for whats happening in the world . And my answer is, we are the world. When michael and i wrote we are the world was to let everybody know, if we dont solve the problem over there, its going to be over here, and sure enough, 35 years later, its now over here. And so the lyrics work perfectly. Of course when i announced were going to do it with the kids on the show with katy and luke and everybody, it just feels right that we would present it at this time. Jimmy one of the lines is were saving our own lives. Saving our own lives. Jimmy is it true you basically wrote the whole song and michael barely did anything . I made that up. Of course you did. Jimmy i watched it last night, because i was thinking about you. It might be the greatest eight minutes in the history of the 80s. It is incredible to watch. I feel like, as you know, i love kenny rogers. I loved kenny rogers, and i know he was a very great friend of yours, and i feel like because of what was going on in the news his passing was overshadowed. Can you tell us one story about kenny, something personal that might make us remember him fondly . Let me tell you something. Kenny rogers was, he liked me to say his older brother. I liked to say he was my dad, because he was really one of the greatest guys in the world. His sense of humor was just crazy, and i did not know when i walked into his camp for the first time while i was recording lady, i didnt know that theres certain things you dont say to mr. Rogers. Jimmy oh, okay. So im walking in as a commodore, right . And of course, kenny announced right as he walked in the studio, im only going to sing it three times, and then im going to leave and go back to play tennis. And i said to him, well, its going to be your career and my reputation. So why dont you come back when you have enough time to get a hit record. Jimmy, there was dead silence in that recording studio. And you know how you know you said something wrong but youre not quite sure how bad its going to be. So he said, well how long do you think its going to take, lionel . And i said until we get a hit record. And he said, okay, ill be back in two hours. And he left to play tennis and to come back. When he came back, he came back with a vengeance. It took us a day and a half to get it right. Jimmy lionel, was he wearing the tennis outfit when he said im your knight in shining armor, and i love you . That is great. I mean, you really, youre going deep, youre going deep on this. Jimmy i like to imagine hes got wristbands on. Maybe hes holding the racket while hes singing. A pair of white shorts, and by the way, he could dress the part and could play very well, but thats not what you think about when you think about a rock n roll singer in the studio struggling to get a hit record, but he was in his tennis gear. Jimmy he was great. I had him on the show once, and i loved talking to him so much. And i love that the two of you were friends. Now lets talk about our charity here tonight. Each night ive been making a donation to a charity of our guests choosing, you chose the naacp. Naacp and b. E. T. Got together. Whats happening, and i must tell you, the black community has been devastated by this pandemic. And so its just, i, im so concerned that theres so much to be done in the community that i thought this would be the Perfect Charity to kind of put that donation into. Its very necessary right now to be aware. Jimmy it is. To be aware of whats going on out there. Jimmy go to naacp. Org coronavirus to help. Lionel, the big American Idol finale is on sunday night. I would love to see the afro real big next time. I think you could start Something Big all over again. Lionel richie, everybody. Thank you, lionel, take care. Thank you, byebye. Jimmy when we come back, im going to answer some emails from viewers who might be you. vo we might be apart out there. girl but, in here were still figuring things out. chef still cooking up. little girl still caring. father were camping. son im fishing ladies im still designing, drafting, inventing, adapting. animated vo doodling and scribbling around. skateboard mum mamas still shredding 16. laughter how many pints of iced tea are left in the pitcher . Times. Ten. So, wait. errhhhhh do you want to show us the continents on the. No. It is not going good. My mom is getting stressed out. speaks hebrew mommas tired. I, im, like. Woooo. screams sighs heavily so, starting just quickly by breathing in. I never thought id say this, but i kind of miss school the teachers, i mean, yall are gifted people i thank you so much for what youre doing. Their investment into our children is beyond what we can even imagine. Appreciate all that you do. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. Ive got an email address where you can ask me questions or send me messages. Its hellojimmykimmel gmail. Com. I have received a lot of mail. So i thought id answer some of them. This is from Antoinette Jeffries in maryland. She writes, jimmy, podium is a raised floor or stage or pulpit, look it up. When a person is speaking, theyre standing on the podium with their papers resting on a lectern, please, please stop abusing the word podium. Pass this to all your friends, peers and relatives. We must correct this now. Pass the word. Why do i feel this is not the first time youve spoken passionately about this . Yes, i will try to remember that. I cant promise that i will, but i get it. And when people say nauseous instead of nauseated it makes me crazy, the word nuclear makes me crazy, and im going to work on podium. And im going to thank you for making me a better person. Lets see, what else here. Dan says i think you are the sexiest man on television. You have a beautiful smile that would light up any room you walked into. As a gay man, i want to let you know, if you ever feel the need to try something new, im here for you. My friends dared me to send this to you. They should know better. Dan, im good right now, but if this quarantine goes much longer, check back in. Thats all im saying. In case you havent noticed, things are not great on the planet earth right now, but our friends at diageo are making it better, lending a helping hand to workers in the Hospitality Industry with their tips from home initiative. As part of it we have been asking bartenders to dream up drinks using ingredients you probably already have in the pantry. And it is time now for tonights cocktail de la casa, featuring baileys original irish cream. Hi, this is charles from chicago, im here with my one and only regular jackson. Like most of you, he has not worn pants for several weeks. Were going to make you the spice rack today. It starts off with flavored ice. You can use whatever juice you have in your fridge. Next, five ounces of spiced coffee, when i brewed this coffee, i steeped in nutmeg, cardamom and cinnamon. You can add your favorite spices as well. Finally, an ounce and a half of baileys original irish cream, because that is the fun part. Give it a stir and enjoy. So there you have it, the spice rack. Cheers, jimmy. Jimmy cheers to you charles. To learn more about how you can help bartenders go givz. Com tips from home. Well be right back. Its best we stay apart for a bit, but that doesnt mean youre in this alone. Were automatically refunding our customers a portion of their personal auto premiums. Were also offering flexible Payment Options for those whove been financially affected by the crisis. We look forward to returning to something that feels a little closer to life as we knew it, but until then y csee how. [ piano playing ] smoky bacon. Crispy bacon. Tasty bacon. Bacon a get that bacon there, in that bag mom who wants a beggin strip . dog me id get it myself but i dont have thumbs yum, yum yum. Its beggin vo bring home the beggin dog hm. I love bacon. I love you jimmy that is all the time we have. Id like to thank Lionel Richie and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. I also want to apologize to my kids, we ran out of cereal. Its mommys fault for not buying daddy his own box. Bill murray will be with us tomorrow. Nightline is next. And as i say every night for the love of god, send help. A brisk return of death. A stark warning behind the slow push to reopen. A a measles out break. And what pediatriccanabout it. Governor newsom mappi

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