Out front . Walmart reports that sales of hair clippers and hair color have skyrocketed over the past two weeks. We have now entered the panicbuying grooming products phase. Apparently this is a thing. There are phases of emergencytime shopping trends. Jimmy week 1 we make a run on the hand sanitizer, soap and disinfectants. Week 2 we buy up all the toilet paper. Weeks 3 and 4 stores sell out of spiral hams and bakers yeast. Week 5 we have a shortage of hair care products. Next week were expected to run out of harpoons and pop rocks. So stock up. By the way, do you really need to color your hair right now . Who are you trying to impress . Your cat . Today, as you probably know, would have been tax day. But we got a three month extension. Do you think well be able to write off bathrobes as a business expense this year . I love that we got a three month extension the one year we finally had time to sit down and actually do our taxes. Basically, the government is hoping that by midjuly everyone will have received their stimulus checks so they can turn around and send them right back. Some people have already received their relief money via direct deposit. But those who are waiting for an actual check will have to wait until next month. According to the washington post, one of the reasons for the delay is because someone decided to print Donald Trumps name on every check. Gee, i wonder whose idea that was . This is the first time a president has ever had his name printed on a government check. Ever. That is insane. Delaying the delivery of relief checks so they can put his name on them might be the trumpiest thing trump has ever done. This is the dumbest thing he decided to put his name on since donald jr. And thats sayin a lot. The Treasury Department released an image of what the check will look like. When it does arrive. There it is. Why on earth would his name be on these checks . Theyre not from him. He didnt even put his name on the check he sent stormy daniels. Those dollars are tax dollars we paid. As far as i know, he doesnt even pay taxes he certainly hasnt produced any evidence of it. Hes like a drug lord giving the villagers cash on christmas so they look the other way the rest of the year. Trump will not be sending checks to the World Health Organization going forth. He says he will stop all funding until a review has been conducted. Stopping funding to an organization that handles pandemics in the middle of a pandemic is like slashing your own tires because youre mad you woke up late for work. So far, hes blamed this on obama, the governors, the media, the w. H. O. Has he blamed it on the mexicans yet . No . And now after initially praising china and how transparent they were, hes back jabbing a little baby carrot at them. You praised china for being transparent. I dont talk about chinas transparency, well, you know, if im so good to china, how come im the only person, the only leader of a country who closed its borders tightly against china. When i closed our border, that was long before, you can ask anyone in the room, 21 people. I was the one person who wanted to do it. Debra can tell you that better than anybody. I was the one person who wanted to do it. You know why . Because i dont believe everything i hear. Jimmy me neither. I dont even believe theres a debra. And by the way, 45 countries closed their borders before we did. And we didnt even actually close them to china. 40,000 people came in from china. If you didnt catch yesterdays episode of the celebrity president , it was another rough ride. It went on for about an hour. But this should pretty much sum it up. I told them, when they put this guy here, hes nothing but trouble. Hes a showboat. If you keep talking, ill leave, and can you have it out with the rest of these people. I have two questions, one is one question. A person who cant be here. Who cares. If you keep talking, im going to leave and you can have it out with them. Just a loud mouth. Dr. Fauci said this morning that that critical testing and tracing ability does not currently exist. I dont know what he said. Nobody knows. Look at this, the way this looks, i dont even like the way it looks, although i have a lot fewer reporters, thats okay with me. Quiet, quiet. How on earth are we going to get to a point where we have millions and millions of tests when workers are tested when they go to work. Jimmy im unhappy prepare my commode this is interesting. Our president , according to the failing new york times, wanted to do a daily talk radio show from the white house. The show would have been for two hours a day with the idea that hed field questions from callers. Like a Dumpster Fire side chat. And the reason he decided not to go through with it was he didnt wanna compete with rush limbaugh. For real. Even the president couldnt get through quarantine without thinking about launching a podcast. Maybe they should just tell him he has a radio show. Just lock him in a room with an unplugged microphone and let him go. I dont think he has enough to do. He even claims hes watching baseball. We have to get our sports back. Im tired of watching baseball games that are 14 years old. But i havent actually had too much time to watch. I would say maybe i watch one batter, and then i get back to work. Jimmy or maybe not. I like when he admits hes been wasting time and then immediately retracts it. Dr. Anthony fauci, in the meantime, gave his thoughts on how sports could come back. And i have to say, i dont know if hes been spending too much time with trump, but this sounds crazy too theres a way of doing that. Nobody comes to the stadium. Put them in big hotels, you know, wherever you want to play. Keep them very well surveilled. And have them tested like every week. Jimmy so we would put the players under surveillance . And test them every week. That doesnt sound problematic at all. Maybe we could keep the fast ones on a leash. Regardless of when team trump wants to reopen, it will be up to the states to make that decision. New yorkers are now required to wear masks in public. Here in l. A. , mayor Eric Garcetti told cnn that we are very unlikely to see sports or concerts again until 2021. California governor gavin newsom said that when business does get going again, restaurants would have fewer tables, disposable menus and they would check our temperature before we can come in. Imagine that . They take your temperature while they get your table ready . I hope they take it orally because that is not why i go to the cheesecake factory. But this could be the way it goes. If they cant come up with a vaccine researchers at harvard estimate we could be doing this in some form until 2022. Thats not even social distancing anymore. Thats fullon hibernating. I tell you what, if this does go on another two years i am finally going to sit down and figure out what the hell this tiktok is. Thats my goal. Today, senator Elizabeth Warren endorsed joe biden for president. She didnt induce, shes not having a baby. Yesterday joe got an endorsement from obama. Obama was reportedly instrumental in convincing bernie to drop out the ny times reports that senator sanders and president obama had at least four long conversations on the subject. Although the first three were obama trying to walk bernie through how to work zoom. Meanwhile, heres what bernie is up to now uncle bernie, how you doing . I am good, cardi, take a look at my nails, how are they looking . Theyre looking very quarantine. I can tell you been on quarantine for a while now with your nails, but, you know what, its okay, uncle bernie. Okay. Jimmy poor bernie, thats the worst ive ever seen him. Theyre working on a new plan called manicure for all. Were going to take a break. Well be right back with Jason Bateman. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by consumer cellular. Your mighty, mighty tiger. Bring out the tiger. Your mighty, mighty tiger. Tigers start their day with the great taste of frosted flakes, so they can be grrreat part of a complete breakfast. Ok so, magnificent mile for me. At i thought i was managing my moderate to severe Crohns Disease. Until i realized something was missing. Me. You ok, sis . My symptoms were keeping me from really being there for my sisters. announcement final boarding for flight 2007 to chicago so i talked to my doctor and learned humira is for people who still have symptoms of Crohns Disease after trying other medications. And the majority of people on humira saw significant symptom relief and many achieved remission in as little as 4 weeks. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections. 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They just dont know it yet. ding these are a few of my favorite things. You order a breakfast sandwich and thats when wendys makes it. Not weeks. Or months ago. Try your new favorite. Order by 10 and well even deliver it. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. Tomorrow night seth rogen will be with us. Tonight, a man of multiple talents, hes been on tv since before he was born, season three of his great show ozark is on netflix now, say hello to jaybay. Jason bateman. Are we doing this right now or is this rehearsal . Lets just do rehearsal, and ill get the makeup done and. Jimmy im really enjoying your hair. First shower in four weeks. Jimmy youre usually a very hygienic person, yes . I am. This hasnt been super uncomfortable for me, as far as the extra steps one needs to go through to comply with, you know, the hygiene requests, the hand washing and sprinting from somebody about to sneeze, ive got all those moves down. Jimmy do you have a hand washing ritual that you can share with us . I, well, 20 seconds is not a problem for me, for starters. The big one that i incorporated was, and i learned this from mr. Leonardo dicaprio in the, what do you call it, movie, the Howard Hughes movie. Where he scrapes his hands with his fingernails so that you get the soap underneath the fingernails. Its, its pretty genius. Jimmy so you are taking your hand washing tips from an actor who is channeling a lunatic, a recluse, someone who went, died insane. And who had famously long fingernails. So. And which, you know, my fingernails are actually getting pretty gross long, too, because i dont clip them. I start, i start it with a chew. And then i do a very elegant peel. Jimmy ooh. But im not putting my fingers in my mouth. So ive got almost four weeks of growth here. Im not going to show them to you. Jimmy youre like cardi b. I get that all the time. Jimmy hows the family doing . Im not sure. [ laughter ] ive been pretending to be positive for three weeks just to stay away from them. No. Theyre doing great. Jimmy i dont know if you remember this, but last time you were on the show, when we were in a studio with an audience and all that stuff, you said something to the effect that youd ruin the easter bunny for your older daughter franny and made her promise not to tell your other daughter, maple, how did that go on easter . Thats right. It was sunday. It was great. Franny has done great. She has not mentioned anything. Maple is still, she still is convinced that, you know, a fourpound bunny can care eye eight pounds worth of candy and chocolate in two baskets into the house. But she did tell me to keep an eye out for the bunny, because she was pretty convinced she saw him before she was going to bed last year. When i was putting her to bed on sunday she said if you see him, wake me up. I do feel like this is the last year. Jimmy oh, she saw him last year. So you either need to call the exterminator or police. I said what did he look like . He was a little taller than you, like a man in a bunny suit. And i said he was Walking Around downstairs . And she said yeah. Jimmy you, are you helping the kids with homework . Because you, as we know, were a kid actor, you never learned to read or write. You were on those sets that werent even schools. They were really just like labor factories, yes . Oh, god, it would be a whole different segment on so much bad behavior and bad learning. Yeah. So, yeah. Needless to say, im having trouble teaching my 8yearold second grade. Its amazing how much i dont know. Long division is very difficult. Im great with art. Im great with setting up the zoom sessions. Jimmy uhhuh, good. Changing background. I do know how to do that. Jimmy i dont feel like that really hurt you in any way, because, well, you won an emmy for best director, which is fantastic. And very exciting. Ozark, you know, people will ask me, what are you watching. And we love ozark, and its one of the great shows. And they always say, yeah, yeah, i watched it already. Everyone seems to be watching it. Season three has 100 with the top critics on rotten tomatoes, did you know that . Pretend you didnt. Say that again . Its got 100 positive. I dont have anything to do except continuely refresh rotten tomatoes. Look, all we have to do, with all those brave people doing all that incredible medical work, our job is just to stay home. I feel like thats the leastque do. Jimmy for sure. And we are going to talk about a charity in a moment. Also when we come back, im going to give you a little quiz. You know im obsessed with your youth and all the tv shows were you in and i was watching. So im going to give you a little quiz to see if you remember as much about Jason Bateman as i do. Jason bateman is with us, well be right back. Every move. Stion your like this left turn. Its the next one. You always drive this slow . How did you make someone i love . That must be why youre always so late. I do not speed. And thats saving me cash with drivewise. My son, he did say that you were the safe option. And thats the nicest thing you ever said to me. So get allstate. Stop bossing. Where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. This is my sons favorite color, you should try it. [mayhem] you always drive like an old lady . [tina] youre an old lady. Petsmart has everything your pet needs delivered directly to your door. Or save 10 when you buy online and pick up in store. Now with curbside pickup. Shop petsmart. Com or download our mobile app today. I totally get how important it is to stay connected. Customers can do what they need to do, whenever they need to do it online. We care about keeping you safe. vo we are open 24 7 online, so you can keep managing all you need from home and through the verizon apps and verizon. Com. Lets be honest. Quitting smoking is hard. Like, quitting every monday hard. Quitting feels so big. So try making it smaller, and youll be surprised at how easily starting small can lead to something big. Start stopping with nicorette. sigh crunch babybel that snack just sounded boring. Babybel coming through. No photos, please. Babybel bye bye, bland. Babybel helloooo, delicious. Vo rich, creamy, 100 real cheese. Vo with mini babybel, snack time is saved. Babybel saved it eveso we can stillg a answer your calls. Now. And we are monitoring our system 24 7 to ensure that we have a fast reliable network, keep the customers connected, and making sure people are staying safe. And were still on the road. Solving Critical Issues as they arise. Go to xfinity. Com prepare. Thank you. And i live in san francisco, california. I have been a sales and Sales Management professional my whole career. Typical day during a work week is im working but first always going for a run or going to the gym. I love reading. I love cooking healthy. Its super important to me. I was noticing that i was just having some memory loss. It was really bothering me. So i tried prevagen and it started to work for me. I wish i had taken prevagen five or ten years ago. Prevagen. Healthier brain. Better life. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. Were here with Jason Bateman who has agreed to let us test him on his own career from quarantine. Youve been on tv for a long team, what, 75 years . 76. Jimmy now were going to play a game called was i in it. I will read the description of a tv show or movie, you will tell us if you were in it. Bonus points if you can remember the characters name. A teenage scam artist lives with his mother. Thats its your move, matthew burton, and he love as good point. Jimmy next, a successful lawyer quits his job to become a teacher. Was in it. It was called the jake effect, so im going to say his first name might have been jake. Not great on the last name. Jimmy good enough. Thats correct. A gay mildmannered writer lives in Greenwich Village with his homophobic roommate. You bet you, that was some of my best friends taken from the film kiss me guido. I was the homosexual. When i auditioned for it, i asked the casting director would they like me to read in a flamboyant way . And they said no, youre gay enough, just come on in. Jimmy do you remember your name . No. Jimmy warren fairbanks. Two guys named mike woo the same girl. Were you in it . [ laughter ] jimmy no, thats a show we made up called two guys named mike. A guy shows up at his Brothers Auto repair shop looking for a new lease on life. I wasna in it. Boy, look at that. Jimmy black sheep was the name of it. A wall street stockbroker loses his wife and job and finds himself in harlem sharing a tenant with his simple brother. It was called simon. There he is, harlan williams. Now my name was, i want to, no, his name was simon. What was my name . Jimmy carl hemple. You were carl. Ah, there goes maple. Say hi to jimmy. See, i keep her outside. That way theres more food for me inside the house. Right . Jimmy hi, maple. Watch out for rodents. There she goes. A teenaged musician goes on the run from killers, and the police when he returns home to find his house empty and his family gone. Youre pulling a lot from the bill payer side of the ledger. This was called crossing the mob, i think or moving target. Jimmy moving target. Crossing the mob is probably next. Jimmy not only, we have a clip from moving target. While i was gone, they moved. Hes being chase the d by and hunted by the mob. And hes got to find his family before a killer does. Wheres my family . Jason bate man is a moving target. Not only am i in a deep sweat, but you and i are in a fight. Jimmy jason, youve chosen as your charity tonight, ill be making a donation to direct relief, which is not an antiacid. What is it . Its an antiacid for to keep them safe. Jimmy the show is ozark. Will there be a season four . Can you say . Chances are decent, we should know soon. But everybody keep their fingers crossed for world health and season four, please. Jimmy Jason Bateman, thank you, jason. Well be right back. Say hi. A pandemic has the possibility of bringing us together in ways none of us would have been able to expect. Im so small said the mole. Yes said the boy, but you make a huge difference. Hvr. You either love it or you really love it. If we werent able to stream anything, i think theyd be lost. Shes listening to music. Hes watching the news. vo verizon is giving you more entertainment, like apple music, disney , and youtube tv. Unlimited plans start at 35. Shop online. Only at verizon. How is tidy cats breeze changing the litter game . By providing outstanding odor control with simple cleanup. Number one goes to the bottom, and number two stays on top for easy scooping. Switch the breeze pads weekly, the pellets monthly, and youre good to go. Discover the ease of breeze today. Charmin ultra soft is so soft too much, are you hon . The pellets monthly, and youre good to go. Youll have to remind your family they can use less. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Michael vasquez come over here. Ive heard such good things about you, your company. Well, i wouldnt have done any of it without you. Without this place. This is for you. Michael, you didnt have to. And, were going to need some help with the rest. Youve worked so hard to achieve so much. Perhaps its time to partner with someone who knows you and your business well enough to understand what your wealth is really for. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. Before we go id like to mention that i set up an email address where you can ask me questions. Any weird questions you like. Ive already received hundreds of emails like this one from who would win in a fight . Astronaut vs caveman. Fist fight ok, no weapons, no outside help. They are only allowed what they are currently wearing. Astronaut. No question. Cavemen were about this tall. And did you ever see buzz aldrin punch out that nut who claimed he faked the moon landing . Astronaut in the second round. I dont have anytime, but ill answer some questions tomorrow. I want to thank Jason Bateman. Nightline is next, buenos noches, everybody. This is nightline. Tonight, ground zero of the covid19 pandemic. The city of wuhan china coming out of quarantine, its people forever changed. What their 76day lockdown is teaching us about how to reset. Plus, bill and melinda gates, what they say we need to reopen america, and why they say the president may be making a big mistake. And road to happiness. The drive through i dos in the team of social distancing. Nightline starts right now with juju chang. Good evening. Thanks for joining us. Tonight we return to wuhan, china, the original epicenter of