Anyway, mollys sitting down with our daughter jane, whos 5, to write a letter to santa claus, which jane did not want to do. She wanted us to refer santa to our Amazon Wish List that id made. But we insisted on a letter because we want to have it. So my wife got a pen and paper and asked jane why should santa bring you presents, and jane thought about it, and she said because i want them, thats why. And were like, no. What good things have you done to deserve presents. You have to tell santa. And she says i dont know. So i start giving examples, do you listen to your parents, are you nice to your brother . Do you share your toys . And she thinks about it, and she says, yeah, write those things. I said which things, the things you said, just write them down. Basically the response was take a memo. Hey, tomorrow Time Magazine will name their person of the year for 2019. Theyve whittled the finalists down to five, President Trump, nancy pelosi, the protesters in hong kong, greta thunberg. Thats not a joke. What the [ bleep ] is wrong with you people . Im sorry, i used profanity. We all know the person of the year is baby yoda this year, right . Is that a person . I dont know. [cheers and applause] theyll announce the name at 6 00 tomorrow morning. Its not to be trump, how could he not be person of the year . Hes all we talk about. If its nancy pelosi, hes going to go nuts tomorrow. He will send s. E. A. L. Team six into headquarters. He is definitely getting impeached this year. This is another historic day in washington, as not one but two articles of impeachment were announced by the house committee. Today in duty to service to the constitution and our country, the House Judiciary Committee is introducing two articles of impeachment, charge being the president of the united states, donald j. Trump, with committing high crimes and misdemeanors. Jimmy sorry, thats jerry nadler. After he made the announcement, his fans were chanting go nads. They call themselves the gonadlers. He is charging President Trump with abuse of power and obstruction of congress. President trump tweeted that he did nothing wrong. Its a witch hunt, read the transcript. He did all his hits. The house will vote to impeach possibly as early as next week and then the case will go to the senate. Senate Majority Leader Mitch Mcconnell has not indicated when the trial will be held or how long it will last, but he did announce that the verdict will be not guilty. Mcconnell and trump have reportedly been arguing about how the trial should go. Mcconnell wants to do it quickly, but trump wants it to take as much possible. Like the tortoise and the hairpiece. Trump reportedly wants to turn his impeachment into a show, a dramatic event, because he believes this will hurt democrats. He may get sean spicer to dance the meringue at this thing. Why would he even have a say in how the trial goes . Hes the one on trial. Republicans are screaming that the process is unfair, as the defendant is telling them how long he wants the trial to last. Meanwhile, with all this drama involving ukraine and russia, who do you think trump had at the white house today . A gentleman named sergey lavrov, who is the Russian Foreign minister. They really dont miss a trick. The last time trump was with this guy in the oval office was in 2017. This is the time he shared highly sensitive information. This time all he gave them was the colonels secret recipe. Consider it a win. The press was not invited to this meeting today. But the white house claims that trump warned lavrov about russian interference in the election. He said, you guys had better not meddle in this election, wink wink. And im sure they wont. Why would they do that to our friend . But it was a tough tuesday for trump. A long day of impeachment articles. He got a harsh scolding from his own director of the fbi. He had to kiss russian ass. Trump couldnt take it anymore. He marched out to the white house lawn and had a word with reporters after dark. I think its a disgrace that people can make impeachment out of nothing. That was a perfect conversation. If you look at mark levin, he analyzed the conversation. One of the great constitutional lawyers. Many of them have. They were perfect conversations. Theres nothing to impeach on. What is going on there . The penguin is holding a press conference. Got that orange face. Its like a harvest moon or something. And then, with that off his chest. Thank you all very much. Jimmy the president journeyed out into the darkness, never to be seen or heard from again. He just kept walking toward the monument. And there he goes. This is a strange story. This is birdrelated happening in las vegas right now. There have been multiple sightings of pigeons Walking Around in cowboy hats. Tiny pigeonsized cowboy hats on these pigeons, and no one can figure out why this is happening. How someone is obviously doing this. But who would be doing this . Lets see if we can figure this out. Okay. First of all, its somebody who lives in las vegas. Someone who, probably someone who has a relationship with pigeons. And likely someone who smokes a lot of weed to be doing this. So really, theres only one possible suspect, and thats iron mike tyson, right . Hes the pigeon hatter. Christmas is two weeks away. If youre still on the hunt for gifts, which assume most of you are. We have ideas for you courtesy of your friend, television. Weve collected these. Here are some items for this years gift guide as seen on tv. Introducing the hangover helmet. It will diminish headaches and increase relaxation by applying gelpacks to your head. It will make you feel better faster. Look at that face . But those teeth are terrible. Now theres active bright. The natural teeth whitening system made with activated charcoal powder so can you smile with confidence. Simply dial to the number of slice align with the correct diameter of your cake. Pull the spatula lever to serve the perfect slice each time. Here eat this book. My new cleanse collections of recipes that you cook right on this book. Its dinner made easy. Start with boneless chicken thighs. Fill the spaces with frozen peas and ham. Its like coloring with food. Jimmy thats a nifty item, right . Like a hot pocket you can eat. [ applause ] by the way, i do want to just, for a moment, guillermo said something to me today that im still reeling from. Guillermo, you told me two incredible stories today, yes . Yes. Thats right. Jimmy i dont think we have time for both of them. Share the one about the laundromat . Oh, that i had sex with an old lady in the laundry. Jimmy an old lady . Yes. At the time she was older than me. I was in my 20s. Jimmy shes probably still older than you. I was like 23, she was maybe 48. Jimmy you were how old . 23. Jimmy she was 48 . She was 48. Jimmy shes about your age now. This old lady. Yes. Jimmy and so what happened . Were you washing your clothes . I would go every week to the laundry, and that time i didnt have my soap, my tide, you know . Didnt have no soap, so i went in the back and asked her can i buy you some tide for my clothes. And she said yeah. And she said come in. And thats when everything began, you know . Come in the back. Yeah, sure. Jimmy in the back of the laundry place. Yeah. Jimmy wow, thats something. You know what a letter, do you remember Penthouse Forum . People would write letters with their Sexual Experiences and most of them seemed made up, but i mean, that ones pretty good. Did you see her every week then afterwards when youd do your laundry . Yeah. Jimmy did anything ever happen again . No, that was bad idea. Jimmy while you guys were naked together back there, did you take those clothes and put them in the wash . No. Jimmy you didnt, okay. All right. Sorry, i had to get that out. Theres another story about a snake thats incredible. Anyway, this is video of a Holiday Light display in australia. And you know when your neighbor goes all out and you dont. You wind up looking like the grinch, because you didnt spend weeks and, well, this is a good way to handle it. Just put up a little sign that says ditto on it. I enjoy it when others do. This is in diker heights, new york. This is in phoenix in glendale, almost 2 million lights at glendale glitters, and this is a charming nativity scene in atle borrow, massachusetts where merry [ bleep ] christmas go pats. Go pats. Jimmy im going to apologize in advance. This is our foulmouthed little friend, tommy Brady Fitzpatrick. What are you right now, baby yoda . Oh, good one. Is there a bigger turd in your christmas stocking than jimmy freakin kimmel . Jimmy Merry Christmas to you. Whats going on in your nativity scene . Take us through that. Im so glad you asked. Jimmy oh, really . Not really, not really. Youre just jealous im the messiaher and youre not. See this diaper . Its the shroud of urine. Weve got the these wise men, larry bird. Big papi. And of course tom brady. Hes the goat. Anyone who says otherwise is getting a lump of coal. Jimmy we wont say otherwise. As can you see, theyre bringing me gifts, because i am the savior. Jimmy oh. Theyve got a half wrack of ganset lager and a big old candy cane. Jimmy youve really captured the holiday spirit. Havent we . Watch your tone you friggin fruit rollup. You want a piece of me . Jimmy no. What is this . Hi, mrs. Fitzpatrick. Dont [ bleep ] talk to me. Dont talk to my kid, either. Jimmy im sorry. I have one quick question for the boy. What is christmas like in boston . What do you mean whats christmas like in boston . Were not from [ bleep ] mars. Its the northeast. Jimmy yeah, okay. So heres what we do in our neck of the woods. Jimmy what do you do . On Christmas Eve we go to mass, the mass turnpike, you [ bleep ]. Calm down. And we get off the pike, head to my cousin donnies. They have a train called the polar express. Jimmy that sounds charming. Yeah, we throw [ bleep ] rocks at at that. And the neighbors come out singing sweet caroline good times never felt so good. So good, sod good jimmy anyway, so all right, youre carolling. Anyway the neighbors go out carolling. When theyre gone, we break in and steal all their [ bleep ]. Because they got wicked good [ bleep ]. Jimmy what do you do on Christmas Day . Well, on christmas morning, right around the crack of noon, my its brothers and i rouse ma from her friggin stupor and open up our gifts. Jimmy did you say you have eight brothers . Four of my sister margarets spawn. But shes in jail right now. Jimmy your sisters in jail for selling drugs to an undercover cop . He was not undercover. She got pulled over and tried to make a sale. Jimmy this all sounds terrible. It sounds like a terrible holiday. Terrible. You have a problem with our quaint new england traditions . What is your problem . You want a piece of me . I will take your ass, from nazareth to jerusalem. From the temple mount to the sea of galilee, from the mount of olives to [ bleep ] jimmy thats tommy Brady Fitzpatrick and his mom darlene. Beautiful family. Merry christmas to you. All right, we have a good show for you tonight. Holiday music from she and him. From watchmen, yahya abdulmateen ii and well be right back with Dwayne Johnson. So stay dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by lexus. Curiosity its our most human instinct. Before we even knew what a question was, we asked one. Curiosity ignites our imagination. In search of inspiration. And daring, new ideas. 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Kelloggs raisin bran. paul sprintern the hspeaking of magic, are ti turned my iphone 6s into the new iphone 11. paul its true, trade in an iphone 6s or newer in any condition and youll get the powerful new iphone 11 for just 0 a month when you switch to sprint. sprintern yeah, an iphone 6s for an iphone 11. Or trade in your beloved iphone 7, trusty iphone 8, amazing iphone x. paul . Take them all to 11. sprintern see, i told you, magic. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com jimmy welcome back to the show. Tonight, you know him from the great new hbo show watchmen, yahya abdulmateen ii is here. We have much to discuss. Then, the album is called Christmas Party. She and him from the mercedesbenz stage. You can see she and him on tour starting thursday at the fox theater in oakland. Tomorrow night, kevin hart will be here, julia fox will join us, and well have music from finneas. And thursday, awkwafina, Paul Walter Hauser and music from mark ronson with anderson pack. And if youre looking for a book for the kids i wrote and illustrated one. Its called the serious goose. Its about a goose that is, well, i dont want to spoil it for you. All the money i make from the sale of the book go to Childrens Hospital here in l. A. And Childrens Hospitals around the country. And if you want a signed copy go to theseriousgoose. Com to get one signed by me. Our first guest is a World Champion in both the ring and at the boxoffice. Hes one of Time Magazines most influential people of 2019 and i have a feeling hell be influential in 2020 too. You can see him with an allstar cast in jumanji the next level. It opens in theaters friday. Please say hello to Dwayne Johnson. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . Very good to see you. You were right across the street last night for the premiere. Good to see you, too. I was, for the jumanji premiere. Jimmy where were they . We started in mexico. And then we went to paris. Then we went to germany, then we went to london, and then we flew back here so weve had premieres all over the world. Jimmy why does america come in last . I thought you wanted to run for president . Theres no reason to do that. Were saving the best for last. Jimmy you were also in the neighborhood this morning. I was. Jimmy because this morning, your pal, kevin hart, you know, its one thing to get a star on hollywood boulevard. It is another level all together to get your hands and feet. Yes. Jimmy impressed in cement. Its legendary. I had the honor of speaking on his behalf. Jimmy you did. I did, yes. It was an amazing ceremony. Jimmy how much thought did you put into it . Did you write, did you really think about what were you going to say . I mean, its kevin hart, i didnt give a [ bleep ]. Applause for that. Not giving a [ bleep ]. I agree with you guys. No, i did. I wrote an a little bit, because, you know, as much as kevin and i give each other, just hell all the time, as you know, its a cool thing, and it was a big honor, and his family was there. Jimmy you have a good friendship, and yeah, it is a cool thing. I think we have video. This is kevin. This is kevin this afternoon. He was so excited. Now if you guys watch, i think were going to show, yeah, so theres actually push, kevin is so small and light, you had to get somebody pushing kevin down to get his feet imprinted. Thats a true story. Jimmy gravity was not enough. No, so they pushed him down. Its the first time ive ever seen that. Jimmy is he still stuck out there . I wish i was. The funny thing is he finally reached five feet. Jimmy another plus. Another positive. Jimmy is kevin your best friend . He is definitely one of my best. Jimmy there are people above him . Theres always people, he definitely, its a real friendship. It was one that i didnt anticipate. But when it happened, and especially as you get older in life, its not like in high school or college, where you just have a lot of best friends. No, he has become truly a great, great friend, and by the way, as much [ bleep ] as we give each other, he had a tough year, and im so happy hes back. Jimmy he did. And hes in the game and feeling very resilient, very happy for him. Jimmy do you look for projects to Work Together or just specifically so you can spend time together . What do you mean, like . Just so we can spend time together. Anything. The notebook 2. Lets do it. Jimmy do you even have time for christmas . Do you celebrate christmas . We do. Of course, we celebrate christmas. Its a big deal, because joanna clause is coming for our baby. Jimmy and last year as i recall, correct me if i have any of this wrong, you bought your mom a house for christmas. I did, yes. Jimmy so what then do you buy [cheers and applause] thank you. Jimmy what do you get her the next year . Well, she, she just, im going to have to get her a ticket to magic mike in las vegas. Jimmy shes into that. Shes into that, yes. Dont say it like that, jimmy. I dont know how you top that. Jimmy you cant. It was just so cool to buy her a house. Jimmy and you bought your dad a house, too. I did, i bought my old man a house, too. Jimmy thats the best thing ever, isnt it . To buy your parents a house. Isnt it . Jimmy im curious about the process you went through. Is it as easy as it sounds . Who picks the house . Well, thats the thing. Thats the key, you know, and you got to take the control. Jimmy i see. You have to, you have to, you know, give them, heres their options. For you, and i scoped out the neighborhood, vetted everything out. This feels good. If not, its a run away train. Have you done it . Jimmy yes, i did do that, and it was great, but theres always the things, yeah, its a little small, you know, that kind of stuff. Yes. Jimmy did you have any of that . You know, its funny, my, because we just have this, just fatherson relationship. My old man was a little bit like that, you