I got an email from every place i ever bought anything today. I miss the old days when you wanted to buy something, you camped out all night in front of best buy, youd wake up in the morning youd fight for a bluray to the death. You know . This is not shaping up to be a fun week for the president. On wednesday the Judiciary Committee will hold a hearing theyve titled the impeachment inquiry into president donald j. Trump, constitutional grounds for president ial impeachment. Its catchy. I like the title. [ laughter ] but the white house says it will not participate in the hearing even though they were invited to do so. But they arent ruling out the possibility of participating in future hearings. Like for the next time he gets impeached. [ laughter ] there were a lot of new revelations today. So to get ahead of them republicans released their own report and the president tweeted and then retweeted himself writing breaking news, the president of ukraine has just again announced that President Trump has done nothing wrong with respect to ukraine and our interactions or calls. If the radical left democrats were sane, which they are not, it would be case over. Thanks for solving the case, magatha christie. [ laughter ] that is some argument. But the idea that hes not guilty because the guy he shook down said so is ridiculous. Its like this if he tweeted breaking news, kids lunch money i stole says he gave me his lunch money because he admired my fists. Case over. [ laughter ] the Justice Department finally released nearly 300 pages of notes and witness memos from the mueller russia investigation. According to the notes there are many details, but one of them is Chris Christie was dining with donald trump on valentines day 2017 and [ laughter ] trump told him now that we fired Michael Flynn the russia thing is over. I dont know which is more embarrassing, the fact that trump thought he was in the clear in 2017 or that donald trump and Chris Christie spent valentines day together. [ laughter ] i wonder who picked up that dinner tab. Meanwhile, the house impeachment report comes out tomorrow, and this one includes stuff the republican report doesnt, like evidence, for instance. The president is in london right now. Hes at the nato summit. I would bet everything i own donald trump has no idea what nato stands for. Why arent people asking him this question . Trump is expected to face protests on the trip. And the Prime Minister, his buddy boris johnson, is actively avoiding him because they have an election next week and he doesnt want to be seen with relations between the Prime Minister and an american president have not been this shaky since love actually, which was a movie. [ laughter ] but still, you know. And despite all this trump is still very popular in his party, according to a new economist ugov poll. 53 of republicans say they believe donald trump is a better president than abraham lincoln. [ laughter ] i mean, they cant be serious. No one believes donald trump is a better president than lincoln. Thats like saying measles is better than ice cream. [ laughter ] its not trump isnt even a better president than Daniel Day Lewis pretending to be abraham lincoln. To compare donald trump to one of the not just greatest president s, greatest americans who ever lived, it sounds nothing short of preposterous, but when you watch them up side by side all of a sudden maybe it isnt so crazy after all. Fourscore and seven years ago. Number one, im not stupid. Okay . I can tell you that right now. Just the opposite. Our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation. Bing bing. Bong bong. Bing bing bing. Dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Look at my africanamerican over here. Look at him. Government of the people. Uh, i dont know what i said, uh. Of the people. Go home and get a job. For the people. Id like to punch him in the face. I tell you. Shall not perish from the earth. Hes got me down as the greatest president in the history of our country including George Washington and abraham lincoln. Im glad im dead. [ laughter ] jimmy well, he was always honest, abe. He really was. [ applause ] donald trump thinks fourscore is a strip club in florida. [ laughter ] yesterday our First Lady Melania Trump unveiled this years White House Christmas decorations. And she did that by tweeting a very beautiful video. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i feel like shes trying to tell us something. I just cant figure out what it is. You know who else needs help . Joe biden. So the iowa caucus is two months away, and team biden has a new bus and a hot new campaign slogan. Across the state. No malarkey. Im ready. Lets go joe jimmy yeah, thats right. The no malarkey tour is coming to a Senior Center near you. [ laughter ] who says politicians are out of touch . Its like grandpalooza is on. Good news for billy bush. This is now the number one most embarrassing thing involving a candidate and a bus. [ laughter ] the no malarkey tour was the idea of bidens social media manager. Here he is. His names peepaw. [ laughter ] joes taking this seriously. Joes slogan and his new ad, i dont know that theyre helping. Joe biden. A fellow you can trust. A fellow who knows the value of a buffalo nickel. Joe biden wont deliver a bushel of balderdash and ballyhoo. So if youre tired of all the horse apples and gummy huff coming out of washington, crank up the motor car and 23 skidoo to the polls to make your mark for a daddyo with moxie. Joe susquehanna biden. Im joe biden and im confused. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont know how that happens. I really dont. But as a service to the Biden Campaign we did an informal poll of our own today. We went out on the street and we asked some young people if any of them know what the word malarkey means. What is malarkey . Malarkey . Uh. Malarkey . I have no clue. What is malarkey . Something weird. What is malarkey . Mm. Im guessing it has to do something with art. Like what . Painting maybe. Can you use it in a sentence . Pass me the malarkey. Malarkey . Does that have to do with different kingdoms or something . Maybe like banter or Something Like that . Like what were doing right now. Yeah. Its malarkey. Really . Malarkey isnt a term that i use. Who uses it . I think caucasian people use malarkey, right . What kind of person uses that word . Old white people. Like joe biden . Sure. Absolutely. Yes. How old do you think joe biden is . I think hes like 45. Yeah. I think hes at least yeah. Maybe 46. Okay. Joe biden is about to embark on a no malarkey tour. Do you know what that means . On a tour to go try all different cheeses. Why do you think its called the no malarkey tour . He wants to do away with whatever malarkey is. What is malarkey . Bull [ bleep ]. Can you use it in a sentence . This interview is malarkey. That settled it. We have a good show for you tonight and that is no malarkey. Mena massoud is here. We have music from ozuna. And james corden is with us. [ cheers and applause ] and also tonight a very special bonus guest sitting in with the cletones, brad paisley is here. [ cheers and applause ] hello, brad. So brad, we asked brad to stop by because brads first primetime special called brad paisley thinks hes special airs tomorrow night. And its a big youve got an allstar cast on the show, right . It is. Whos on it, brad . I have dirt on these people, and theyre on it. Jonas brothers. Jimmy okay. Wow. Carrie underwood. Peyton manning. Tim mcgraw. Darius rucker, hootie and the blowfish, kelsea ballerini. Ore, Chris Harrison from the bachelor. Jimmy what is chris doing on the show . Well, somehow nashville became the Bachelorette Party capital of the jimmy oh, right. I know that. Yeah. So we bought the pope of bachelor parties to nashville. Jimmy i see. The ceremony for somebody. Jimmy this will be fun. This will be good. [ applause ] thank you. By the way, youre in it. Jimmy yes. I was waiting for you to mention that im in it. For a second. We cut most of it out. Jimmy i was limited to four seconds in the thing. But watch brad paisley thinks hes special tomorrow night on abc. And brad will be sitting in with us all night. [ cheers and applause ] i wrote and illustrated a childrens book. Its called the serious goose. It comes out tomorrow. All the money i make from the book goes to Childrens Hospital here in l. A. And Childrens Hospitals across the united states. The book is dedicated to my little ones, jane and billy. I call my daughter goose. Its her nickname. The book was inspired by that. And when i got a copy last week, we set up some hidden cameras in my office and i read the book to them and now i will read it to you too. Here it is. The serious goose. Hi, bill. Hi, jane. Whats this . Whats the name of this book . Good book. Whats it called . Jimmy kimmel. Thats right. Thank you, jane. Are you excited . Yeah. Tell your face. Just read it. Okay. You ready, billy . What are you eating . Orange. An orange . Okay. All right. Here we go. Stop listening to us and Pay Attention to the book and read it. Jimmy okay. Sorry. I need more orange. Jimmy you need more oranges . Okay. Soon as i read the book ill get you another orange, okay . Ill be right back. Jimmy youll be right back . Okay, you go get an orange and ill start reading the book. The serious goose. Here it is. This is a serious goose. Jimmy there is nothing silly about this goose. Do not even try to be silly around this . Goose. You like it already . This goose will not smile at all. Not even if you put a chicken on her head. Nothing. Even if you were to dress this goose as a moose. Zilch. Even if you order a pizza. What does zilch mean . Jimmy zilch means zero. Nothing. Topped with delicious snails. No smile. This goose means business. Serious business. No one can make this goose smile. What does this say . Jimmy no one. Whats that, you say . You think you can do it . Ha no. Its like this. Ha jimmy ha. You think you can make this goose smile . There is no way you can make this goose smile. No one can. This is a nosmiling goose. But go right ahead. Look in the mirror and give it a shot. Make funny faces. Lets see what youve got. Stick out your tongue and make your ears wiggle. Act like a monkey. This goose will not giggle. Cluck like a chicken. Moo like a cow. What are you doing . Im doing this. Jimmy oh. Be goofy, be doofy, any way you know how. However you do it, it wont be enough. This goose isnt silly. Goo, goo, goo, goo, goo. Jimmy this goose is too tough. Ga, ga, goo, ga, ga . What . See . I hate to say i told you so. But this is exactly what i knew would happen. Good try, though. You were very funny. Most geese would have laughed so hard eggs would be coming out. But not this goose. This goose will never, ever uhoh. What is this . Billy, whats happening . The mouth. Jimmy something is happening to this goose. He smiled jimmy he smiled . No. This cant be. Stop being so silly. This is a serious goose. Do not make the goose smile. Oh, no. This is terrible. By the power vested in me by the order of serious geese and gooses i hereby command you to stop amusing this goose. Wow. The goose is really giggling. Hes happy. Jimmy hes happy. This is not such a serious goose after all. In fact, this seems to be a silly goose. Thanks to you. You are a silly kid. Hes wearing a heel and a boot. Jimmy hes wearing a heel and a boot. Youll be hearing from our attorneys. The . End. Look at the camera. Jimmy yeah, theres a camera right there. Hi. Jimmy say hi, billy. Hi. Jimmy so guys, all the money that i make from this book goes to Childrens Hospital, where billy got his heart surgery and Childrens Hospitals around the country. What do you think about that . You like that, billy . You do . You like that, jane . Mmhmm. Jimmy the serious goose. Whats this called . Serious goose. Jimmy right. Serious goose by jimmy kimmel. Thats my dad. Ha, ha, ha [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight on the show we have music from ozuna. Mena massoud is here. Brad paisleys here. And well be right back with james corden. French kiss, italian ice margaritas and the moonlight just another american saturday night dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by consumer cellular. you cant fake the goodness the crunch of real almonds the taste of real raspberries we use real ingredients because you cant fake. Delicious special k hurry in for up to seventy five percent off storewide. And one day only, this thursday, all jeans are fifty percent off only at old navy charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is softer than ever, so its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird enjoy the go with charmin. That will makeout washington insiders very uncomfortable term limits. You and i both know we need term limits, that congress shouldnt be a lifetime appointment. But members of congress, and the corporations whove bought our democracy hate term limits. Too bad. Im tom steyer and i approve this message because the only way we get universal healthcare, address Climate Change and make our economy more fair is to change business as usual in washington. wholding you back . Excessive underarm sweating qbrexza is the first and only oncedaily prescription cloth towelette approved to treat excessive underarm sweating. Also known as axillary hyperhidrosis. Open one today and see what unfolds. man vo do not use qbrexza if you have certain medical conditions. Qbrexza may cause new or worsening urinary retention, problems with control of your body temperature and blurred vision. The most common side effect reported was dry mouth. Call your Healthcare Provider if you experience side effects. woman vo imagine how life can unfold. Ask a dermatologist how you may reduce excessive underarm sweating with qbrexza. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah. Thats right. That is brad paisley sitting in with the cletones. Tomorrow night, make a note of it, the brad paisley thinks hes special special, in primetime, at 8 00 p. M. Right here on abc. Thank you for being here, brad. Also tonight, you know him as aladdin. He has a new show on hulu called reprisal. Mena massoud is here. Then, this is his album nibiru. Ozuna from the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. Tomorrow night, henry cavill and chef Chris Shepherd will join us, with music from beck, and later this week, tom holland, sam rockwell, ana gasteyer, francesca hayward, plus music from angel olsen and sheryl crow with stevie nicks. That will be good. Please join us all this week. Our first guest tonight is a very funny man who does exactly what i do but an hour later and with a much fancier accent. Next, you can see him covered in fur in the bigscreen version of cats, it opens in theaters december 20th. Please say hello to james corden. [ cheers and applause ] james. Thank you for coming. Its great to have you here. Its lovely to be here. Jimmy i will say when you came out in this beautiful suit for a moment i thought oh, i oh, ive died and the angel has come to take me. [ laughter ] thats what i was going for. A sort of spearmint angel. Jimmy yes. I hate to break it to you. You have died. Jimmy oh. And this is how its going to go down. Jimmy it could be worse than this. Thats for sure. Did you work today . Did you shoot a show today . We didnt shoot a show. Im doing ive just started on im shooting a film at the minute so, were not on our show today. Ill be back on the show wednesday, thursday. And then we have guest hosts for a couple of weeks. Jimmy you are very busy. What film are you shooting right now . I just started a film called the prom. Its a musical written by its being directed by ryan murphy. Jimmy oh, wow. And its me, meryl streep, nicole kidman. Jimmy oh, theyre very good. Angie reynolds. Kerry washington. Yeah. Its utterly terrifying. Its a terrifying thing. Jimmy what do you play in this . I play a character called barry who is a broadway actor and struggling with life at the moment. Barrys having trouble . I feel utterly terrified. Jimmy why . Because i signed up to do it in like february, and its been really exciting. Im going to do this film with meryl streep and nicole kidman. And now im like im like what am i doing . I already have a job. Do this. Like this i know how to do this. Ive got this. What am i doing this for . Jimmy what is the thing thats bothering you the most about this . Lets talk this through. [ laughter ] well, theres a lot. Im in lots of scenes with meryl streep, and thats always terrifying because you know, im going to have to carry her in every scene. [ laughter ] but my main worry, its the first time ive ever done an american accent. So im playing an american. And that is thats filling me with some fear. Jimmy now, when you say an american, that is not a preview [ laughter ] that is not a preview of your american accent, is it . Yes, it is. Jimmy well have to work on this. All right, me lovelies, im an american. [ laughter ] jimmy do you have a coach, an accent coach . Ive got an accent coach and thats wonderful. But i would say my best accent coach is actually my son, my 8yearold son. Jimmy oh. Because he moved here to america obviously with us. He didnt move on his own. [ laughter ] he didnt just say mum and dad jimmy an amazing kid. He sailed here on his own. No, so when we moved he was 3 when we moved. And he has got this incredible thing where he talks in a british accent with me and my wife and an american accent with all of his buddies at school, and his teachers. And between sentence to sentence. So hell like go, dad, can we go in the garden . And i go yeah, of course, buddy. And he goes, kerry, come on, lets go out in the yard. [ laughter ] jimmy i like that. Im just hanging around with him and hoping it rubs off. Jimmy not only does he have an american accent he has a california accent it sounds like. Oh, my daughter who moved here when she was 12 years old, shes the most california. Shes like, oh, my god. [ laughter ] shes 5 and shes like, im going on a juice cleanse. [ laughter ] is this glutenfree . Jimmy kids really invented the juice cleanse, didnt they . For sure. 100 . Jimmy it came in a little box at that time. How long have you been doing the late late show now . How many seasons . Weve been on the air 4 1 2 years. Jimmy 4 1 2 years. Yes. Jimmy you do a great job with that show. Thank you. Jimmy and obviously everyone