And she just yelled read the transcript. The democrats are slowly building their case against the president , brick by brick. Today mexico even offered to pay for the bricks. We got a full day of live, televised testimony from thrsom officials. If these impeachment proceedings have taught me anything, theres no sentence more depressing than the chair now recognizes devin nunes. He has a look on his face like a kid whose mom just dragged him across the schoolyard in front of his friends. Kn nunez used his time to lash out at the media, calling them puppets of the democratic party, so for someone who has their fist so far up the butt theyre bumping his knuckles. We were watching i was concerned by the call. What i heard was inappropriate. And i forwarded my concerns to mr. Eisenberg. Hey i need help in here yes, sir. Beat up the tv. Yeah. Kick its jimmy you know what . I tell you, in fairness, we did the same thing when arnold hosted the apprentice. We heard from trumps former special envoy to ukraine, tim volker. Volker today modified his earlier testimony to bring it into alignment with the testimony of other witnesses. In other words, he touched things up a little in the truth department, which is kind of weird that you could do that, right . Regarding my earlier testimony that i didnt eat chinese food in the office fridge, id like to amend that statement to say it was delicious. And, but cukurt volker was not e witness the republicans hoped he would be. He told Rudy Giuliani the allegations that joe biden did anything wrong were not credible. And tim morrison told the ukrainians there would be no aid without a biden investigation. These are the witnesses for their side. You know how the white house broke protocol and stored the records of trumps perfect call on a private server, wait until you hear the reason for that. What reason did mr. Eisenberg give you for why the records were put in the classified system . It was a mistake. It was a mistake . It was an administrative error. Jimmy we accidentally hid that one away. Someone drop ped in a box, put t in the attic, the ladders broken. Cant get it. Jennifer williams, an aide to Vice President pence and the ukraine man on the National Security council, Lieutenant Colonel vindman. Ms. Williams, you heard the call with your own ears, right . Yes, sir. Not second hand, not hearsay. You heard the president speak. You heard his voice on the call. Correct. And your conclusion about what he said was in your words unusual and inappropriate, i believe. That was my testimony. And later, you, too were on the call. Correct. Not second hand, not hearsay, right . Kprekcorrect. You heard the president s voice on the call. I did. And you heard him raise that subject again that sondland had about investigating the bidens. I did. Jimmy they both heard the president ask for the investigation. The case, but theres an old saying among trial lawyers, that if the facts are on your side, pound the facts. If the laws on your side, pound the law, if neither is on your side, pound the table. The republicans pounded the table like stormy daniels. This was embarrassing even for them. They tried to smear the recipient of a purple heart to protect a president who doesnt even have a red one. Jim jordan of ohio implied that vindman was a leaker with questionable judgment. Like if were you a wrestling coach and the team doctor was abusing your wrestlers and you didnt say anything, thats questionable judgment, jim jordan . But the third favorite son pieflpiefled on. Djtj tweeted, he was well coached and should get that hes a lowlevel partisan bureaucrat and nothing more. Thats right. The slickbacked sperm sample who never served anybody is questioning the credibility of somebody with a purple heart. Daddy bone spurs must be very proud of him. Their goal is to smear them, to confuse us, to bore us, to question the loyalty and pa patriotism of lifelong Civil Servants to protect a lowlife, they know defending him makes them popular among a certain group. Lieutenant colonel, this guy has a purple heart. The woman whose reputation they tried to stain works for mike pence right now. Theyre trying to make us believe that a woman who voluntarily works for mike spence on the other side. Were so used to these movies and tv shows where the criminal on the stand breaks down and confesses. Its like were waiting for that to happen, which in real life, which believe it or not this is, doesnt happen. We get little bits of information, and those little bits of information, to me, very plainly add up to this. Our president made it clear to ukraine, youre not getting the money you need to keep your people alive unless you help me win the election, and thats it. And the idea that he was fighting corruption, donald trump, not only doesnt donald trump care about corruption in ukraine, he wanted it. He tried to buy it. Honestly, the only defense that might work for them is donald trump is too stupid to know he committed a crime. Hes just dumb. A smaller mystery in d. C. Was trumps unannounced trip to Walter Reed Hospital which was yet another example of fake news. I went for a physical. And i came back. My wife said, darling, are you okay . Whats wrong . Oh, theyre reporting you may have had a heart attack. I said why did i have a heart attack. Because you went to walter ride. That we understand hundred a heayou attack. I was called by people in public relations, sir, are you okay . Okay from what . The word is you had a heart attack. Cnn said you may have had a heart attack. Hundr you had massive chest pains, you went to the hospital. These people are sick. Jimmy maybe they should go to the hospital i guess. Does anybody believe melania said darling, are you okay . Seems out of character. I dont know. Trump said he was there for phase one of his annual physical. They have to do his physicals in sections like when you mow the lawn in a football field. The president declared himself to be in excellent health, wrote africanamerican unemployment and my cholesterol are at a alltime low. We maid thde that up, but can y tell the difference . The president s cholesterol may be down, but his staffs Blood Pressure is way up. This is how they ushered reporters out of the meeting today. Lets go, make your way out. Press lets go, press, lets go keep moving press, were finished lets go, press david, lets go, make your way out. Make your way out jimmy thats where he needs Sarah Huckleberry sandals to bust some heads. And as if the president didnt have enough on his tiny hands, today was release day for the new tell all book a warning. Theres some good mcnuggets in the book. According to a warning, early on, trump would carry copies of electoral maps and pull them out to brag about them. He discussed dropping mike pence from the 2020 ticket. He brings lou dobbs into the office. And his spokes people will claim he was joking. According to the writer, he said or she said thats how you know donald trump is not joking when he sends somebody out to say he was joking. The author also described the president as a 12 year old in an air Traffic Control tower pushing the buttons of government indiscriminately. Is anybody surprised . Weve known hes a lunatic for three years. The only way it would be shocking is if it said he enjoys salad and spending time with his kids. But it must be driving him nuts not knowing who wrote it. That person may be working in his office. Anderson cooper managed to get an interview with the author set to air sunday on 60 minutes. Why does the record need to be set straight . Because their presideis pres disgrace. He four katrnicates outside of marriage. Son of a milk cracker. Jimmy they dont want to know what hes done wrong. Theyll support him no matter what. To prove this, we went out on the street today, found people who were fans of donald trump and asked them how they felt about stuff trump has done. But none of it was stuff trump has done. All of the events were about Richard Nixon in this watergate edition of lie witness news. You read the news that trump was accused of breaking into the dncs office and stealing sensitive documents, do you think that should be an Impeachable Offense . No. Why not . I like trump, i dont listen to the news. Trump sent people to break into the dnc office. Is that an Impeachable Offense . I dont believe that. Stealing documents is okay . Yep. Do you think the president should have to turn over all the conversations hes been secretly recording . No. Hes got diplomatic immunity for those things. Wilbur and bernstein wrote a damage being story to the president and his men, is that correct . The Washington Post being haters again . From my experience the newspaper does lie and fabricate things. Theres a lot of fake news. Its hard to believe everything that comes out of the newspapers. Do you think trump will ever find out the name of the whistleblower known as deep throat . Yeah, it will come out. Why do you think people are calling the whistleblower deep throat. I have an opinion about it, but i dont want to speculate. Deep throat, is that the name . Of the whistleblower, yeah. I mean its like the code name, yeah. I dont know, maybe something to do sexual, that sounds sexual to me. Do you think his nickname, tricky don trump is justified . Hes a businessman, that would probably be a pretty good name for a businessman. What do you think of trump throwing a double peace sign after speaking to the press corps . He likes to express himself. Hes unique. Gangster . Yes, gangster. Do you think all the impeachment stuff is to distract from the fight being going on in vietnam . Yes, i do. Do you think trumps war in vietnam is justified . Yeah. How come . I just think it is. I mean, like i said, i like the guy. No ones going to convince me otherwise. Do you think if trump resigns hell be pardoned by Vice President gerald ford . I dont know what gerald fords going to do. If theres evidence, you know, against him, you know, thats probably going to be bad. Do you think theres any precedent for everything thats going on. Gosh, probably not. Sad that its probably going to be in the history books for kids to read about in years to come. Its nothing like weve seen before. I definitely would agree with that. Jimmy were all in trouble. We got a good show for you tonight. Tonight, we have music from dj shadow with de la soul. Victoria beckham is here, and well be right back with Michael Douglas, so stick around. Abcs Jimmy Kimmel Live, brought to you by sprint. Talkin. 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What pain . wholding you back . Excessive underarm sweating qbrexza is the first and only oncedaily prescription cloth towelette approved to treat excessive underarm sweating. Also known as axillary hyperhidrosis. Open one today and see what unfolds. man vo do not use qbrexza if you have certain medical conditions. Qbrexza may cause new or worsening urinary retention, problems with control of your body temperature and blurred vision. The most common side effect reported was dry mouth. Call your Healthcare Provider if you experience side effects. woman vo imagine how life can unfold. Ask a dermatologist how you may reduce excessive underarm sweating with qbrexza. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Tonight, a woman who knows fashion and spice and everything nice, Victoria Beckham is here with us. [cheers and applause] and then, this is their new album, our pathetic age, dj shadow with de la soul from the mercedz age. Tomorrow night after the debate Mike Birbiglia and garth brooks. And on thursday, billie eilish, taylor kitsch, and music from jessie reyez. So please join us for that. Our first guest is an emmy and twotime oscar winner whos been everything from a gecko to an ant. Next, he gives voice to a finicky breakfaster in the animated series green eggs and ham. Its available now on netflix. Please welcome Michael Douglas. [cheers and jimmy how are you . I am good, jimmy, jimmy, jimmy. Jimmy good to have you here. I remember when you got married, it was like the biggest thing. It was like, oh, my goodness. It was pretty cool. Jimmy yeah, for you, for sure. We were younger. Jimmy that was 19 years ago yesterday. You celebrated your 19th wedding anniversary. Yeah. Jimmy so what do you get your wife . What do you get a kathryn say that jones. Do you fwhknow what a 19 is . You looked it up. Jimmy i have internet now. What is it . Jimmy its bronze. Eooh, thats good. I could have done a sculpture of myself. We didnt get each other much. We got each other half a membership to a new golf club. Jimmy you both love to golf. We both love to golf. Only one of us could be the name on the membership. Jimmy oh, is that right . I thought it would be only fair for me to let catherine be the member. Jimmy so youre her plusone. Im her plusone. Jimmy your dad posted something very sweet that catherine posted. Happy anniversary. Michael, you learned a very important lesson. To stay married, you must obey your wife. Keep practicing what i do with my wife. Is that true, though . Hes pretty good. They celebrated their marriage, 65 years. Jimmy 65 years. Thats my stepmother. Jimmy your stepmother. 65 years. Jimmy hes 103 now. Hell be 103 in two weeks. Jimmy two weeks. What do you do for that for 103 . Well, its like, so, 100, okay, so he was 100. Jimmy big. Big birthday. Big birthday. Trouble is, when youre 100, you dont really want a big birthday. I threw a big party for him, great. 101. You know . Okay, lets have a nice party. Again, i dont, dad, 101 years old, you have a birthday. Okay. Okay. Happy birthday. 102 so hes begging me, tears in his eyes. Lets just have dinner with the family together. I cant do this. Jimmy there wont be a surprise party. No surprise party. The difficult and awkward part of it is that my stepmother, ann, shes french and been lying about letther age all her life. Youre going to be 100, oh, no, no, no. Dont say that. Youre going to be 100, how dare you say that to me. I said, ann, it doesnt exist anymore. Wikipedia, you can look it up and see exactly how old you are. She said really . I said yes, everybody knows. Youre the one whos pretending youre ten years younger. Jimmy that is probably a good thing to be 100 years old and still lying about your age. Exactly. Hey, its pretty good to be 100 years old and still have a husband older than you. Jimmy it is very good. You, is it true that you revealed there would be a sequel to ant man three before marvel was prepared to reveal that . I got, i, just as i said it, the blowgun at the back of the neck came in out of nowhere. Jimmy did they tell you beforehand . They told me, but i didnt really, i forget. Jimmy my fathers 102 exactly. So they politely, they didnt come at me like kirk would have. But they, you know, they were, yeah, no, youre not supposed to tell anybody. Oh, im so sorry. But theres going to be a ant man. Third one. Jimmy so they didnt. January 2021. Jimmy because many of the actors who come are fearful about revealing this stuff. Y but really, what are they going to do . They could do a lot. They could change the part. Or the blowgun in the back of the neck. Jimmy right, right. Thats a big one. Jimmy do you want to reveal who the villain is . The script, i dont know, i shouldnt say that maybe. Jimmy maybe they have written a script and they dont want you to know about it. Back to your dad for one second if you dont mind. This is you, how old are you . I think im 5, 6. Jimmy and dads teaching you to shave. Electric razors. They had electric razors back then. Jimmy is that electric . Has a cord on it. Jimmy is that an ipod youre looking into . Its a magnified mirror. Jimmy your dad has a spectacular cleft in his chin. Shaving has to be difficult. That shaving thing you use for nostrils, he uses it right there. It works out. Jimmy its interesting. You posted this, and then you posted this photograph of you and your son together. Also having an intimate father and son experience. [ applause ] who took this photo . My wife. Jimmy and where were you . Visiting neighbors . Or what was going on . We have troubles in this one neighbor. We have a lot of trouble with this one neighbor. Jimmy not anymore. A lot of asparagus for lunch. Jimmy when we come back, were go being to seeing to see the new netflix show green eggs and hams. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the allnew allelectric ford mustang mache. Coming late 2020. Reserve yours now at ford. Com. walthe camera just hey goes where yo