Donald trump claims he didnt watch the hearings yesterday. And yet even though he didnt watch, this morning at 6 54 a. M. He wrote, representative radcliff asked the two star witnesses, where is the impeachable offenses. That would be the end of the case run by normal people, but not shifty, shifty is what he calls adam shift, but i guess hes not a normal person. You know normal, like the person who asks a porn star to spank him. A normal person. Like you, guillermo. Ngs that yothank you, jimmy,. Jimmy and after weeks of demanding to know the whistleblowers identity, he tweeted wheres the fake whistleblower . Is the whistle itself not real . We dont know. Neither of us know. He puts the word fake in front of everything now. Everything is fake except for his tan, thats real. Which might be the case [cheers and applause] my favorite headline of the day today. Frustrated trump allies urge him to stop talking about himself. Oh, yeah. Good luck with that. While youre at it, try to urge him to give all his money to the poor, im sure hell get right on that, too. There are a lot of hot takes out there right now. One of the dumbest is that these impeachment hearings arent interesting enough. This is from nbc news. The first two witnesses testified to president trumps scheme but lacked the pizzazz necessary to capture public attention. At first i thought it said lacked pizza. Agree with that, the hearings need more pizza. But then i realized it said pizzazz. These are two career Civil Servants giving testimony about an attempt to undermine our democracy. Theyre also supposed to have pizzazz . Is this an impeachment hearing or an episode of dance moms . Im confused. This also seems to be an emerging line of defense foreign ares. What theyre focussed on is these hearings are not exciting enough. There is not a Single Person outside the washington, d. C. Beltway that gives a damn about what happened today. It was boring. Youre either sound asleep or you cant follow. It was a total snooze fest. I didnt even need an ambien. People are bored with this. It has been flatout boring. Jimmy and you know it says in the constitution a sitting president cannot be found guilty of a crime if the trial leading up to it is boring. Meanwhile, speaking of boring, the Vice President [cheers and applause] while this is all going on, heres what the Vice President is up to. Pence traveling out of d. C. Good idea. Get as far away from the orange man as possible. Mike pence skipped town for a twoday trip to california with second lady karen pence. Theyre actually here pitching a new sitcom called how i met mother. They also visited nasa research facility. Thats how bad things are for republicans this week. Mike pence is trying to go to the moon. This morning the Vice President was at nasa. He spoke to the employees, and ill tell you what, really does seem to be embracing his role as captain of the space force. Here at nasa ames, youve done it for decades, you make Science Fiction into science fact. Jimmy i love that on the day of the hearing that might end trumps presidency pence says you know what . I think ill gay o to california look at rocket ships. Jimmy all of the testimony so far is hearsay, thats what theyre saying. What makes that fun see we haven havent heard from any of the people who actually heard this, because the white house blocked them. Former National Security adviser and many others were blocked. If the president has nothing to hide, if the phone conversation was perfect, why not let them tell the American Public in open session, you know, under questioning from democrats and republicans what they learned. Jimmy youre asking us to comply with an impeachment inquiry if you have nothing to hide you didnt interrupt alexandria ocasiocortez. Ive been around a while, thank you. Jimmy meanwhile, George Conway was on tv yesterday just blasting the pred, asident, and that, to me is the most interesting relationship, more than beyonce and jay z. Theres a new book on the way from the anonymous writer of that op ed about trump in the New York Times last year. The author is or was a Senior Member of the administration. Nobody knows. But the book is called a warni warning, which seems a little late. There are excerpts making the rounds, including this description of what its like to work at the white house. This is good. Its like showing up at the nursing home at daybreak to find your elderly uncle running pantsless across the courtyard and worrying about Cafeteria Food as worried aat attendants to catch him. We also learned that trump wanted them to be named as enemy combatants and jailed at guantanamo bay. This is quoted as saying, are you fing kidding me, this is completely bat [ bleep ]. The president is moving full speed ahead. He has a lot of money to spend and a new campaign ad that lashes out at the impeachment process using regular people who claim theyve had enough of it. Impeachment is a scam. Impeachment is a bunch of bull. Impeachment is a witch hunt. They cant get over the fact that donald trump won. Fair and compare. Donald trump is my president. My president. My president. The president is mine. Im donald j trump, and i approve this message. Only because i let you. Jimmy in the meantime, joe biden is fighting back against trumps smears against him and his son with a website called just the facts, folks. If theres one word kids on the internet respond to, its folks. Not only does his side have important information, joe designed the website, all by himself. Isnt that, he was up all night on square space setting it up. And believe it or not, and you wont believe it, another democrat has just entered the race for president. Former Massachusetts GovernorDeval Patrick announced hes running. Are you allowed to join this . This is like joining game three of the world series, and the mets showed up asking to play. Deval patrick was governor of chute a massachusetts and then spent time working for bain capital. Abc released a promo for the forthcoming season of the bachelor. How they continue to find Real Estate Agents named ashley, i dont know. But they do year after year. The bachelor is a pilot named peter who famously made love with the bachelorette hannah in a windmill, and abc wants to make sure nobody forgets that, with this wind meamillthemed a. I would like to see peter having sex in all the structures on a miniature golf course. The whale, the tiki hut. Have him do it in all of them and put it on disney plus. The bachelor, you know, purports to be a show about love. But its not. Rarely does that show result in love many but our show is different. Our show at its heart is educational. So, as a service to future generations of ladies and gentlemen i sit down with young people to teach them about the most mysterious emotion of all, love. Jimmy so youre 4 years ethan . Yep. Jimmy youre 4 years old, kayla . Yeah. Jimmy youre in presdmochoo. Im in preschool. Jimmy have you met before tonight . No. Jimmy do you love each other . No. I think so. Jimmy thats interesting. So she says maybe you love even other, and you say no. How do you feel about that . Its kind of like jimmy kind of like a little bit snhy . Jimmy yeah. So you have to tell him why you love him and why you think this is going to work. Um, i just think it. Jimmy you just think it. Is it because of his beautiful hair . Totally. Jimmy because of his nice, curly hair . Yeah. Jimmy ishes a handsome ki right . Yeah. Jimmy and do you think kaylas beautiful . Yeah. Jimmy i that iink thats what is love . Do you know . Love means when you meet and you like each other and you want to be together and you get married and then you have kids. Jimmy yeah. Thats right, right . Yeah. Jimmy kind of like the two of you. Who will do all the cooking in the house . I will. Jimmy you will . Do you like to cook . Not much. Jimmy oh, thats perfect. And who will drive the kids to school . I will. Jimmy that okay . That he drives the kids to school . Yeah. Jimmy whos going to take out the garbage. I will. Jimmy youll take out the garbage. And who is going to sweep up and vacuum the floors . I think hes waiting for you to say i will on this one. I will. Jimmy okay. All right. Seems like were ahashing out our relationship here, you know . What . Wash the dishes. Jimmy oh, and whos going to wash the dishes . I will. Jimmy okay. Got the chores worked out. You got your hands full with this guy over here, but at least hell take out the garbage, right . Yeah. Jimmy yeah. Well, thank you ethan and kayla, i think theyre going to make it, those two. One more thing before we forge ahead. Its thursday night, which means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. It is this week in unnecessary censorship. The president as we note td, reacting to the hearing calling it a sham while [ bleep ]ing the president of turkey. You never [ bleep ]ed the president . No. Did i write a tellall book . No. I was there to [ bleep ] his [ bleep ]. Were seeing dramatic temperature changes. Somebody needs to tell mother [ bleep ] stop. Im from around philadelphia, and i like to wear sweat pants, and i like to [ bleep ] people. If you are seen at a bar at noon [ bleep ]ing a hard copy on television . I knew that i was [ bleep ] in a [ bleep ]. Im here in the [ bleep ]ing cold getting free chicken sandwiches. With everything we hear about [ bleep ] this, [ bleep ] that, [ bleep ] everything, people want authenticity i. Because he waved me off tand it sat there and dried he had to go get a [ bleep ] job. We will shame you for years to come. Titans go, [ bleep ] byebye. Jimmy weve got a good show tonight. Camila morrone is here. Music from Jeff Goldblum and the Mildred Snitzer orchestra with Sharon Van Etten. And well be right back with Jeff Goldblum. So stick around. [cheers and applause] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by 3m. Of problem solvers. Of y we make ideas grow. From an everyday solution. To one that can take on a bigger challenge. From packaging tape. To tape that can bond materials to buildings. And planes. One idea can unlock a breadth of solutions. At 3m, we are solving problems that improve lives. And i wanted to ask you. Before i ask her. May i have your permission to marry her . Youre marrying her and her whole world. Shop neal lane diamond engagement rings. At kay. paul switch to sprintdiamond everyone is talking about. S the. sprintern the new iphone 11 or iphone 11 pro with amazing allnew camera systems. And you can get both an unlimited plan and the new iphone 11 included for just 35 a month. paul and with sprints 100 total satisfaction guarantee you can try out the network and see the savings for yourself. sprintern ahh its the best season of the year. paul is that your excited dance . sprintern what dance . For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Repeat after me. Hi am grateful. Audience i am grateful. I am getting all the gifts this holiday. Hurry in for forty percent off everything. Thats forty percent off everything you get all the gifts now, at old navy. Gnocchis. S. Raviolis. And them smokeys. Curry. Fried turkey. Cacciatori. Chimichurri. Berry. Mcflurry. mcdonalds half stack. Taco pack. Lobster mac. And them baby back baby backs. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. And take an extra 15 off save on cuddl duds sheets starting at 25. 49. An air fryer 84. 99. And a singleserve coffee maker just 33. 99. Plus save even more on your home sale purchase . Plus get kohls cash this weekend at kohls. Did you forget to pay for virus protection for like the 30th week in a row . Its switching time. Now thats how you make an entrance. Switch to builtin virus protection. Switch to chromebook. [cheers and applause] jimmy well, thank you very much. Welcome back to the show. Tonight, from the new movie mickey and the bear, Camila Morrone is here. Then, the album is called i shouldnt be telling you this, Jeff Goldblum and the Mildred Snitzer orchestra with Sharon Van Etten from the mercedesbenz stage. Next week we will be at it again with martin scorsese, michael douglas, billie eilish, jharrel jerome, victoria beckham, taylor kitsch, Mike Birbiglia who has a very funny play here in town. Music from the black keys, dj shadow featuring de la sol, jessie reyez, and garth brooks. So please join us for that. I would describe our first guest tonight as a curious man in multiple senses of the word. You can join him on his quest for knowledge on the world according to Jeff Goldblum. Its streaming now on disney plus. Please welcome Jeff Goldblum. [cheers and jimmy youre enjoying the band. I love the band, i love you. Jimmy do you feel pressure now to really dress to the nines . Because i feel like everybody now is paying attention to everything you wear, you have to now. I dont know about that. We didnt see each other back stage. Jimmy right, yeah. Were you warned that i was going to be looking like this . Jimmy i just had a feeling. The last time you were here, there was a lot of commotion online and whatever you were wearing was sold out everywhere. I should be dressing like you. You look great. Jimmy you should do this. Of course, i dont have the confidence. [cheers and applause] you could run for president. Jimmy my friends are too mean for me to dress like this. Yeah. I know, i know. I know. Jimmy you are a man of many, many talents. Not true. Jimmy yes true. I disagree. Jimmy i heard you were just in london performing for the queen of england. Can you believe it . With this band we were asked to be, because we there anyway, we were doing promotion for the record that just came out, promoting this record, and they asked us to perform at royal albert hall. Do you know this place . For the day of remembrance, which they celebrate like we do veterans day, but there they make a show that the royal family goes to, and all of britain watches. And so we performed. And the queen was there. And, and all of the royals, which they say is uncommon, but everybody showed up. Jimmy yeah, did you meet her . No. Jimmy you did not. No. But that was unclear, i thought maybe well meet her, you know. Le. Jimmy yeah. But no, i kept asking, i kept saying, are we going to meet her, do you think . After . How does that go . At what point will we know . And what shall i do . It was inconclusive. People were i dont new york city iew york city w york city york city york city rk city k city city city ity ty y i i, i dont know. Jimmy youd think if you came to perform at her show shed say hello. You know, just anecdotally, i asked people. I expected if we going to meet her that wed be, you know, thered be some cramming and some training. Jimmy right, you have to learn to courtesy aurtsy and al stuff. Just like they told me to be prepared before i met you. Jimmy there are no rules or anything like that. I do want to speak about this album, because you have some interesting collaborators on this album. Yes, you probably know them all. Theyve probably all been on your show. Jimmy i think they have, as a matter of fact. Half are instrumentals, but half are guest singers. Jimmy yeah. Sharon van etten. Shes going to sing. Jimmy fantastic. Shes great. Shes absolutely great. And fiona apple. [cheers and applause] has she been here . Jimmy she has, indeed. I love her. Gregory porter. You know Gregory Porter . Jimmy yes. He sings with us, and miley cyrus. Jimmy ive heard of her as well. Has she been on the show . Jimmy she has been here many times. Is she the most famous person youve played music with . Probably, although im thinking back, one time, you know who i sat in with . Jimmy who . Aerosmith. Jimmy wouw, wow, thats a good one. They were doing a concert in some 80,000seat arena they filled up. And i was on one side of the stage, for whatever reason, i met them on saturday night live, tom arnold brought me to this concert in a helicopter. Jimmy was schwarzenegger flying it . No . At the end of the show, steven tyler said okay, jeff, are you going to play with us or what . I was like, whaaaa . I stepped up there and the piano player stepped aside. Jimmy were you ready . No. But i got some chords and was able to play along, it was great. Jimmy 80,000 people, thats a huge crowd. I know. Jimmy and you love doing this. And you also have a Television Show that is on disney plus. Is it correct to call it a travel show . Or is it not ha travtravel show. I dont think its a travel show. Jimmy is it an experiential show . It is for me. Maybe well go outside internationally, but here we went to all kinds of places i never would have gone otherwise, and i wil i had experiences. Jimmy what were some of the highlights . We did an allthings pools, which included a sensory deprivation tank i went to and had an experience. And i went into this Nasa Neutral Buoyancy Lab pool which is the biggest in the world, a replica of the International Space station at the bottom. The training for these women who were going to be astronauts went to the bottom of the pool and practiced weightlessness. Jimmy what does neutral buoyancy mean . They put weights on you such that when youre in the water it replicate what is weightlessness is like in space. They can stay there for six hours and do their work. Jimmy how long were you in there . 20 minutes, then i got pruny, and i peggbegged to be let out there. Then they sent us to raging waters. Id never been to a water park in my life. Jimmy really . You ever been to one . Jimmy yes, ive been to several water parks. They made me like a weather man. Jimmy a weather man. Yeah, you know, we cut to jeff. Yeah, they put me in a big kind of tub, you know, going down this harrowing thing. I thought we going to fall out. Jimmy a water slide. Yeah, a water slide. Jimmy you never had a water supplied experien slide experience before. I thought my life was ending. Jimmy did you get to go on the lazy river in. Yeah i did get to go on the lazy river. Sing along with this. Jimmy save it for the show, jeff. When we come back well see a clip from your show and hear music from