[ laughter ] our dance card this time around includes the former bachelorette hannah b., former l.a. laker lamar odom, former nfl star ray lewis. a lot of formers. perhaps most notably former white house press secretary sean spicer is dancing this year. he will be paired up with lindsay arnold. sometimes i feel bad for the dance partners on the show because you know they grow up working and practicing, working hard, dreaming of one day becoming a professional dancer, and then they wind up having to do it with donald trump's dopey press secretary. [ laughter ] you think there's going to be one of their categories -- like they always have an nfl player, they always have an olympic athlete, a grown justin chi-up . now maybe they'll always have a sad former member of the trump administration. [ laughter ] if i was in charge of the show i would have paired sean spicer up with stormy daniels. that to me was a big miss. we get to see the president's three favorite boobs on one show together. [ laughter ] [ rimshot ] thank you. it's not the dancing, it's the gambling. over the past 80 or so years the show's been on i've won many thousands of dollars betting on it. for real every season before fox has been trotted i predict which dancer i believe has what it takes to bring the mirrorball trophy home. and i bet on it. and i'm good at it. i'm even better at this than i am at sex. and i'm really -- [ laughter ] one of the top guys. earlier this afternoon at the stroke of lunch i wrote my pick on a piece of paper, which i folded carefully and placed inside a tiny briefcase. that briefcase was then placed inside guillermo's mouth, where it has been kept safe for quite some time. how long has that briefcase been in your mouth, guillermo? >> [ mumbling ]. >> jimmy: and how was your weekend? did you do anything fun? no. okay. it's time for the moment of truth. drum roll, please. this is very suspenseful. it could be anybody. how's that briefcase holding up in your mouth? >> guillermo: mm. >> jimmy: okay. in a moment i will announce the winner of season 294. and that winner will be -- guillermo? >> guillermo: oh. james van der beek. >> jimmy: james van der beek is the man to van der beat. [ applause ] and james, i don't want to put any extra pressure on you but if you don't win this for me you are going back up dawson's creek without a paddle. and that's a promise. [ laughter ] meanwhile, other exciting abc network news the former star of "desperate housewives" felicity huffman has been sentenced to prison time for her role in the now infamous college admissions scandal. she was sentenced to two weeks but with good behavior she's expected to serve 17 minutes and win a people's choice award. i don't know. [ laughter ] back in may felicity huffman admitted to paying $15,000 to boost her daughter's s.a.t. scores. her lawyer requested that she be allowed to serve out her sentence at a low security correctional facility outside san francisco, which is interesting because if there was anyone who shouldn't be allowed to pick which institution they get into it is a person who did this crime. [ laughter ] [ applause ] but she did. and she has to pay -- she has to do 250 hours of community service and pay a $30,000 fine. which is a lot -- $30,000, she could get two kids into college. you know? [ laughter ] so let this be a warning. if you ever dare try to subvert the admissions process at our nation's most respected learning institutions, be prepared to spend two weeks at what is essentially a day spa. [ laughter ] i would actually -- i would love to go to jail for 14 days. i really would. i could catch up on so much stuff. [ laughter ] meanwhile, down in florida this is video from our abc affiliate in miami. local 10 news captured what might be the least traumatic police chase of all time. >> the suspected car thief leading police on a chase in a golf cart. >> really? >> yeah. the suspect stole that cart from two men who were about to tee off on the 7th hole at a private golf course in martin county. he only got as far as the green of that hole before surrendering to police. >> here's more video that includes a shot of the driver of the cart. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and you can see -- [ laughter ] >> o.j., are you there? >> just let me get to my house. >> okay, we'll do that. >> i'll give you my whole body. >> just throw the gun out the window. >> jimmy: he's still got it. in england authorities are on the lookout for a solid gold toilet that's said to be worth about a million pounds, which in u.s. dollars is i don't know -- it's a lot. that's the toilet that is missing. it's made from 18 karat gold. it was stolen from blenham palace, which where winston churchill was born. the suspect is said to be good at plumbing and loves gold. [ laughter ] that's about right there. we don't need to look any further. [ applause ] i tell you what. a solid gold toilet would be a pretty fine christmas gift for donald trump. the president had his little thumbs going this weekend. trump has been ranting and raving on twitter about a drone attack on a saudi arabian oil facility that is suspected to be the work of iran. so yesterday as he was ruminating on this he tweeted this. "plenty of oil." [ laughter ] which is either about the middle east or his son's hair. we don't know. [ laughter ] he also lashed out at reports that said he'd be willing to meet with the iranians without preconditions and tweeted "the fake news is saying that i am willing to meet with iran no conditions. that is an incorrect statement as usual." and that one is a head scratcher. where would the fake news get an idea like that? >> now, the president has made clear. he is happy to take a meet with no preconditions. >> the president's made it very clear he's prepared to meet with no preconditions. >> do you have preconditions for that meeting? >> no preconditions, no. they want to meet i'll meet. no preconditions. if they want to meet i'll meet. >> no preconditions? >> not as far as i'm concerned. no preconditions. >> preconditioner by matrix biolage. for that fantastic orange glow. >> jimmy: he has to make money out of everything. [ applause ] that's one mess we're in. on the other side of the world the president's buddy kim jong un reportedly sent him a letter last month inviting him to north korea. or as it will soon be called, far-a-lago. [ laughter ] what is it with these guys with these summits that lead to nothing? trump visits kim jong un so much he might as well start leaving a toothbrush at his house. two of trump's opponents joe biden and bernie sanders have announced that they are -- they would like to be president and they're planning to release their medical histories before the democratic primaries, which is not a surprise because of course they're going to release their medical histories. have you ever met a man in his 70s who didn't want to tell you in great detail about his medical history? [ laughter ] my dad has someone cornered and is doing it right now. [ laughter ] joe biden and bernie sanders, i was thinking about this. they're the old guys who have the fully nude conversations in the locker room. with the leg up on the thing, you know? [ laughter ] bernie had to cancel three campaign events on saturday because he had a hoarse voice. which is confusing because that's kind of -- the hoarse voice is kind of his trademark. this is like adele canceling a concert because she's sad. [ laughter ] sanders is 78. and biden is 76. these are old men. and in the end it's probably going to come down to which candidate voters would rather sit down and have an ensure with. [ laughter ] hey, congratulations are in order for a group of scientists at m.i.t. who developed -- was believed to be the blackest color ever. this is it. that's black. they unveiled it at an art exhibition in new york. it captures over 99.9% of light. which means it's the blackest color ever. and they know it's the blackest color ever. because when they were transporting it to the art show it was pulled over 14 times. [ laughter ] this sort of thing, it's a major accomplishment in the pigment community i guess. i think we all remember 60 years ago the day when researchers in indiana famously created the whitest white of all time. [ laughter ] don't stare directly at it. you will go blind. he is a fascinating individual. mike pence was out at the house republicans' annual retreat in baltimore this weekend. where he weighed in on the debate the democrats had. specifically the part where joe bide erin referred to himself as vice president. >> in my -- i heard my predecessor said he with was answering a question about his years in the white house and he said i'm the vice president of the united states. so let me be clear. i am the vice president of the united states of america. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, if you'll excuse me, the president's ass isn't going to kiss itself. i have to go. [ laughter ] pence even managed to russell up an animal story, a humorous tale about his encounter with a triple crown-winning horse. >> so we went over to this very fancy kentucky farm. everything really manicured, really nice. and they walked out this huge horse. american pharaoh. and there were a bunch of cameras, a bunch of media around. i'm not a horse guy. i said yeah, let me hold them. andy and i were standing there posing for all the cameras. and american pharoah bet me so hard on the arm i almost collapsed. i just gritted my teeth and smiled because you know what? in our line of work you're going to get bit sometimes but you keep fighting forward. and we did! >> jimmy: you know, that was almost a cute story. it was almost like human. and then it turned. you know, spider-man got bit by a spider. now he can climb the wall. i wonder if mike pence now has the powers of a horse. all he eats now is hay and his assistant follows him with a shovel. [ laughter ] you know, we're two weeks into the nfl season. but the award for most valuable post-game press conference i think might already be locked up for the year. it goes to carolina panthers quarterback cam newton, who after the game gave himself a dressing down and a dressing up. >> you know, i'm an extremely brutally honest person, you know, with people. and i'm extremely brutally honest with myself. it is time for me to look myself in the mirror and do? real soul searching. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when you do look in that mirror, you're in for a surprise. [ laughter ] because there's a woman's scarf on your head. [ laughter ] did any of you watch the comedy central roast of alec baldwin last night? you don't have to pretend if you didn't. [ laughter ] these roasts are typically very funny and very brutal too. and that's hard to get away with in the year 2019. but comedy central came up -- i have to give them credit. they came one a gret idea. to balance things out next sunday night they're airing a roast that appeals to those who aren't comfortable with the traditional roasty humor. >> from the people who brought you the comedy central roasts comes a new kind of kindness. the comedy central new era of positivity roast. >> jonah hill is here tonight. jonah, you're like a jellyfish. you're just gentle and easygoing and super fun to watch. [ laughter ] >> you won't believe how nice these comedians are to each other. >> my friend kevin hart is here. kevin, listen, i wadon't want t say kevin is short because i believe that god made us all the perfect size. everyone is equal. >> and hosted by henry winkler. >> snoop dogg is here. so i'm going to need someone to walk me to my car. because i've got a present for you, snoop! right out there in my trunk. >> with appearances by oprah, pope francis, michael j. fox, ma laila, and natasha legero. >> jeff ross is so jewish that i want to wish him a happy and healthy rosh hashanah. l'chayim, jeff. >> no one will be triggered. >> how bay hand for tonight's host henry winkler? henry, if you're here tonight, then who's out there volunteering in children's hospitals? >> the comedy central new era of positivity roast. we only roast the ones we love. >> courtney. i would [ bleep ] with bea arthur's [ bleep ]. rest in peace, my dear friend bea. >> only on comedy central. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: isn't that nicer? hey, we've got a good show tonight. we have music from melanie martinez. malcolm gladwell is here. and we'll be right back with anthony anderson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by mercedes-benz. was ahead of its time. still, we never stopped making it stronger. faster. smarter. because to be the best, is to never ever stop making it better. the 2020 c-class family. lease the c 300 sedan for just $429 a month at your local mercedes-benz dealer. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. i am totally blind. and non-24 can make me show up too early... or too late. or make me feel like i'm not really "there." talk to your doctor, and call 844-234-2424. 60% of women wear the wrong size pad, and can experience leaks. you don't have to with always my fit try the next size up and get up to 20% better coverage - day or night because better coverage means better protection always. ♪ for the irresistible taste of temptations™ treats. what are you doing? oh hey, check this out. temptations ™. all it takes is a shake™. for barcelona? all it takes we did promise we'd go. [dog] take that trip! [dog] take it! take it! take it! take it! [sfx: mastercard checkout sonic plays] [dogs] they get the miles...we get a pet-sitter. [dog] whoa! [sfx: mastercard checkout sonic plays] [dog] music to my ears! use the card that gets you miles closer to your promise. we should do this every year. [dog] they should do this every year. and start something priceless. ♪ wherever you are... whatever you're craving... and whenever you're craving it... doordash has the restaurants you want. delivered to your door. wherever your door happens to be. download doordash. the most restaurants across america. first order, $0 delivery fee. ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. tonight, he is a thinker and a podcaster and a writer too. his latest is called "talking to strangers: what we should know about the people we don't know." the always fascinating malcolm gladwell is here with us. [ applause ] then, her new album is called "k through twelve," melanie martinez from the mercedes-benz stage. [ applause ]htl be a fun show. chance the rapper and senator cory booker will be here. and later this week, we will be joined by zach galifianakis, nikolaj coster-waldau, lake bell, hugh bonneville, with music from fitz and the tantrums and maren morris. so please join us for that. sometimes i think of our first guest tonight as the brother i never had, which is annoying to my real brother, but he gets it. [ laughter ] he plays the patriarch of the ever-expanding "-ish" empire, and the show that started it all, "black-ish" returns to abc a week from tomorrow. please welcome anthony anderson. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing? >> i'm doing great, jimmy. how are you? >> jimmy: why do you have those? those are things i only have. >> i'd just like to ask you a couple of questions about your fabulous trip to st. tropez. >> jimmy: okay. >> yeah. what's -- >> jimmy: i'll hold it up for you. >> what's going on with that, jimmy? >> jimmy: that's me on a vacation with magic and cookie. >> uh-huh. what's this one right here? >> jimmy: that is me still on vacation with magic and l.l. cool j and a bunch of other guys. yeah. >> yeah. and what's up with that one right there? >> jimmy: that's me on vacation with magic. you're missing -- there i am right in the -- >> i see. i bring these out, and i ask you this question because i was actually on vacation with magic and cookie. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. we had a great time. >> yeah. i d. sty is?eis each yohathe te >> no,don't. >>: here's thest truey. i have asked and sam jackson no less than -- magic i've asked seven times. sam i've asked three times. every time they say yeah, we'll invite you, we'll come out on the trip on the summer. then it never happens -- >> jimmy, you have to stop asking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i took matters into my own hands and photoshopped myself into the photo. and almost everyone believed i was there. >> i actually believed it the first day you did it. [ laughter ] and i was like, what the heck? i was like, wait a minute, i was there! no, the very first day you did it i was like how did i miss my guy? >> jimmy: yeah. i really want to go. you did go, though. >> i did. >> jimmy: how did you get invited to that? >> magic sent a solid gold brick to the house. >> jimmy: he threw it through the window? >> no. a brink's truck pulled up and delivered a solid gold brick to offset the cost i was going to incur for being in st. tropez. >> jimmy: so you did incur a cost. >> a slight cost. but it was well worth, it man. >> jimmy: did you fly out there with magic? >> i did not. i flew out there with my wife. but in flying out there i said and did things, in particular said things that i'd never thought i'd say. >> jimmy: like? >> like i got a text from magic's assistant, natalie, saying mr. johnson would like you to be in the front of hermes at 5:45 because the dinghy will take you out to the yacht. and i was like, oh, well, you know, my flight lands in nice at 6:45, which is a two-hour drive. but herein lies the thing that i never thought i'd say. ask magic if my helicopter could land on his yacht. [ laughter ] things a kid from compton, i never thought i'd say in my life, and was serious and meant it. >> jimmy: oh. did he say no? >> yes, he did. [ laughter ] he did. but i was -- >> jimmy: is it big enough that a helicopter could land on it? >> the yacht is 280 feet long. >> jimmy: in other words, there would be plenty of room for me. >> yes! [ laughter ] yes. >> jimmy: so they just don't want me to be there. >> probably. but you know, i can't -- maybe. there were so many people that looked like me there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's go through this. i feel like i'd provide some much-needed diversity. >> what diversity and inclusion? where would you be in that picture right there? jimmy, where would you be? >> jimmy: i'd probably be just right here eating this -- [ laughter ] >> no, you know what was crazy, we're -- dave winfield, hall of famer, and his wife tanya. latanya jackson, earvin and cookie johnson, angela basset and her husband. what's his name? courtney b. vance. me and my wife. spike and latanya lee. and pauletta washington. denzel's wife. >> jimmy: looks like you guys had fun without me. >> we did. >> jimmy: then it was in the newspaper locally in st. tropez. >> we woke up locally and this was on the front panl of the st. tropez paper. keep the camera there. as you guys notice, anthony anderson is the only name mentioned. [ cheers and applause ] only name mentioned! with all those heavyweights right there. anthony anderson! set on rouge -- [ speaking french ] >> jimmy: was this your first time going on this trip? >> first time. i'd been invited several times before. but the first time i was able to ever -- to make it work with my schedule. >> i see. >> jimmy: and was it as great as it seems like it would be? >> words cannot begin to describe the fun and excitement that was there that entire -- >> jimmy: was there entertainment on the yacht? >> no entertainment on the yacht. that's just where they live. it was like a floating apartment in the mediterranean sea. >> jimmy: i see. >> they had a full equinox on the bottom level of the boat. that's how big the boat is. >> jimmy: a gym or -- >> no, a full gym. yeah. and you know what's crazy, you have dinghies that take you out to the boat. earvin had a ferry that took you out to his boat. that's how big his boat was. a ferry picked you up and took you to his boat. >> jimmy: oh, wow. there's plenty of room on the ferry if i were to be -- >> plenty of room on the ferry. plenty of room on the boat. i'll tell you how big this yacht was. this yacht was so big that it housed three smaller yachts in the bow of it. [ laughter ] i'm not lying. >> jimmy: no, it didn't. >> there were three -- there were three boats bigger than your sound stage in the bow of this boat! >> jimmy: was anyone on them? >> no! that was just for decoration. [ applause ] because a ferry brought me out to the yacht! but you talk about entertainment. so the entertainment for cookie's birthday party, for her surprise, was jeffrey osborne, cheryl lynn, chaka khan, eddie levert, charlie wilson. >> jimmy: these are all my favorites. >> all of ours too. [ laughter ] all of ours too. and then so we thought the show was over. so we're sitting out there in the ocean. the sea is right there. it's beautiful. it's outside. it's at the citadel, which is an old fort and castle. he had people dancing on the side of the wall and trapeze. and then he called everybody to the floor and said i want everybody to come out here and celebrate, you know, our birthday with us, come back out to the dance floor. we're all on the dance floor. we think we're about to sing happy birthday to him. then all of a sudden earvin says, ladies and gentlemen, earth, wind and fire! and all 116 members of earth wind & fire start performing on the stage, man. >> jimmy: that's how i'm going to get in. [ laughter ] first i'm going to try out to be in earth wind & fire. >> you can do a little something. >> jimmy: anthony anderson. he's rubbing it in. but we have more with anthony. his show "black-ish" comes back a week from tomorrow right here on abc. we'll be right back. on abc. we'll be right back. 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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how many years in a row have you been nominated? >> all five years that we've been on the air. >> jimmy: all five years. >> yeah. that means i've lost every year too. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but it's time now. >> it's time. can we congratulate jimmy kim s mel and norman lear for winning an oscar this past weekend? >> jimmy: an emmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> you're not free solo. >> jimmy: first of all, thank you again for being part of that show playing henry jefferson on "all in the family." the reboot. and you were there -- we hung out, we actually sat right next to each other, which was fun. it's a long show, but we had a lot of -- >> we did. >> jimmy: i had a lot of comments. >> some we can say and some we can't. >> jimmy: right. >> i'm curious, though. >> jimmy: about what? >> what was the $100 bet that you -- or why did you give your wife molly $100? and i'll say this. we're sitting there -- we're sitting there and all of a sudden jimmy just pulls out a wad of hundreds and he just peels off and hands it to his wife. i stick my hand out he peels one off and gives it to me. and molly says don't you dare give it back to him. so i pulled out my wad of hundreds and wrapped it around mine and put it in my pocket. [ applause ] and so i never knew what that transaction was about. is it something you can talk about on air? >> jimmy: absolutely. it's not that interesting. but first of all, i want you to know that yesterday i was like putting my money -- and it wasn't a wad of hundreds. there happened to be two on the outside. and i'm looking at it, i go, oh, anthony kept my $100. but it was -- my wife wanted to go get some pretzels to bring them back. and then when she came back they'd closed the line, they cut it off. >> i remember that. >> jimmy: that's what they -- you know, pretzels are expensive. >> especially at microsoft. >> jimmy: at that microsoft theater. yeah. >> okay. >> jimmy: that's what the 100 was for. it wasn't like -- what did you think it was for? >> i had no idea. i just saw my brother jimmy giving out brother and i wanted my cut. >> jimmy: i had to pay my wife -- our deal is i told her if you agree to marry me i'll pay you $100 an hour. [ laughter ] so "black-ish," you now have two spinoff shows, which really is the mark of a successful show. for instance, norman lear, there were so many spinoffs from "all in the family," "the jeffersons," "maude." now you have two spinoff shows, "grown-ish" and "mixed-ish." are you part of those programs? >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: are you appearing on those? >> yes -- well, "mixed-ish" probably not because that is about rainbow's childhood character growing up a mixed child living on a commune. >> jimmy: so you would have to literally travel in time to do that. >> yes. >> jimmy: but that's possible. >> that's possible. you might see a young dre. like we have flashbacks on "black-ish." but i've been on "grownish" all throughout all three or four seasons they've been around now. >> jimmy: it is remarkable how strong the show still is and how it keeps going. and of course your big emmy nomination on sunday. i you know what? i'm going to give you another $100. >> i appreciate that. weil we're speaking about the emmys, i understand the emmys that we all won collectively were for the producers. but do the actors get those too? >> jimmy: apparent i. not.e rs . >> without the actors you wouldn't have been able to produce anything. >> jimmy: i know. just furniture really. [ laughter ] >> oh, man. damn it, i thought i could get one. because if doesn't look good again this year for me. >> jimmy: it's not? >> it's some stiff competition. i always feel great about it. this year lime ike, ah. it's don cheadle, ted danson, michael douglas. and then a kid from compton. >> jimmy: but don't you love your name is on that list with those guys? >> i do. >> jimmy: well, congratulations. anthony anderson, everybody. >> thank you. >> jimmy: season 6 of "black-ish" a week from tomorrow night. we'll be back with malcolm gladwell! woman 1 oc: this is my body of proof. man 1 vo: proof of less joint pain and clearer skin. man 2 vo: proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis... woman 2 vo: ...with humira. woman 3 vo: humira targets and blocks a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further irreversible joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. humira is the number one prescribed biologic for psoriatic arthritis. avo: humira can lower your ability to fight infections. serious and sometimes fatal infections, including tuberculosis, and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. man 3 vo: ask your rheumatologist about humira. woman 4 vo: go to humira.com to see proof in action. we're pretty different. we're all unique in our own ways. somos muy diferentes. muy diferentes. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: very good to see you. congratulations on the book. i'm sure it is a lot of work and then when it comes out i'm sure it's very satisfying. >> i'm enjoying myself. it's been many, many years since i had -- six years since my last book. >> jimmy: talk about the title of the book, "talking to strangers" and -- >> the book is all about this idea that we think -- all the tools we have for making sense of our friends betray us when we talk to strangers. so we're really good -- if i know you really well, i have a whole series of strategies i use to kind of understand you, decode your behavior. >> jimmy: unconsciously. >> unconsciously and consciously. >> jimmy: okay. >> but then if i transfer those same strategies to someone who's a stranger you go off in all kinds of weird and random directions and you end up making all kinds of grave mistakes. and the book is about -- it's a whole series of stories about all the ways in which our strategies for dealing with strangers -- >> jimmy: i think that's true. and i have my own kind of experiences that have led me to that. like i've had -- you know, you walk out and i'll see the audience and most everyone is clapping and happy and then you meet a guy-u see a guy who's got his arms folded and i inevitably will zero in on that person. start talking to that person. and then the guy says oh, i'm just real excited to be here, you know, i watch the show every night. and you go, oh, i thought you were unfriendly and it turns out i was just wrong. >> the word -- the technical word for that, that person is mismatched. so matched is where -- athens as anderson what mono was just her perfectly matched. when he was telling a story you got the sense as you looked at his facial expression and body language, it was perfectly in harmony with the way he felt inside. but there wasn't that kind of discrepancy between those two things. the guy in the audience like this who's having a great time is mismatched. and we have trouble with people who are mismatched. but lots of people are -- i mean, actors aren't -- you can't be a mismatched actor. >> jimmy: well, one of the things you talk about is "friends" the show, which is maybe the moef populst popular all time in the history of television. and you say that "friends" is lying to us. >> "friends" is deeply misleading. [ laughter ] the thing about -- >> jimmy: they weren't friends? >> the paradox of "friends" is if you describe -- if you try and describe the plot of an episode, it's like impossible. if you diagrammed it on a flow chart it would take up pages. monica does this and like phoebe and then rachel goes off in this direction. but no one's ever watched an episode of "friends" and at the end said you know, they lost me. [ laughter ] it never happens. so the question is why -- how do you explain this paradox? and the explanation is that everyone on "friends" is perfectly matched. so when phoebe is surprised her jaw drops, her eyes go wide, and her eyebrows go up. right? when ross is perplexed, as he often is, he looks exactly like a perplexed person is supposed to look. you watch the show, you can turn the sound off. i've done this. turn the sound off on an episode of you haven't seen before and at the end of it ask yourself did i know what was going on? totally. >> jimmy: you will know what's going on. >> but the whole point is that's not real life. no one behaves that way in real life. >> jimmy: it's like the emoji of shows in a way. >> if all you do as many of us do is watch tv shows like "friends," you come away with this totally phony picture of the real world. >> jimmy: and people -- we think we know how to read -- like a lot of people, poker players, whatever, take real pride in being able to read. are you saying that we -- none of us really can or they're experts that really can read other people? >> there's a huge amount of psychological research on this, and the bottom line is that human beings are universally, with like a tiny number of exceptions, terrible at telling whether someone is telling the truth. >> jimmy: really? >> we just can't do it. we all have these pretend things like the person looks to the left and that's a tell. it's just nonsense, total nonsense. basically, everything you learn on those mindhunter, you know, cop shows about how the savvy fbi guy can tell what -- it's just complete and utter nonsense. they can do tests where you have a seasoned fbi agent and you show a series of videotapes where half are people lying and half are people telling the truth and you say tell me which is which and they can't do it. >> jimmy: really? they're no better than anybody else? >> no better than anybody else. this is one of those little fictions. but imagine what television cop shows would be like if they accurately reflected human behavior. >> jimmy: it would be ridiculous. >> so at the end of a "law & order" episode or like the fbi agent would be like i have no idea. [ laughter ] none of those shows -- like the third act of the show, they couldn't wrap it up. they'd just be like, eh. >> jimmy: what about judges who sit there and talk -- like judge judy, for instance, who sits there and talks to one person after another and has to determine who's telling the truth and who isn't. no? not even judge judy? >> i feel bad for -- i don't want to harsh on judge judy. >> jimmy: you shouldn't single her out. because she'll come at you. [ laughter ] >> also respect selecting -- i mean, how many people does she judge and then they pick like the two that are the most impressive? we don't see the 20 times when she totally got it wrong. >> jimmy: i get the idea they're using every minute of judge judy's time is being used on camera. >> super efficient. what's interesting of course is you talk to strangers for a living. so i would be really -- i mean, every single night you're -- not always meeting someone for the first time but often, right? >> jimmy: oftentimes. and i talk to a lot of strangers outside the show. i mean, probably thiskend i probably talked to 250 strangers. maybe 350 strangers. >> people coming up. not you actively searching out strangers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. i stand in the intersection here and i say, "i'm on tv, everybody." [ applause ] no, i talk to a lot of strangers. and i do feel like i get a sense of them but maybe i'm not. >> you're very, very nicely matched, i will say. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. is that good? >> you don't have any secret agendas. when you're engaged i think you look engaged. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> so i think people respond to that when strangers come up to you in the street, they're like i think i understand what's going on inside jimmy's heart. >> jimmy: oh. what is going on in there? [ laughter ] a lot of cholesterol in there. [ laughter ] >> every time -- i think this is my third time on your show, and every time you send me a picture framed it comes to my house, my cleaning lady, she's very aggressive in how she -- which pictures she puts up on the mantle. and she will always take down the ones of my family and put up the ones -- >> jimmy: oh. i like that. >> she has a special connection with you. she's like to hell with like malcolm's mom. it's jimmy that i feel like i can -- >> jimmy: because i don't come over and mess up the guest room. [ laughter ] >> turns the ones with my parents down and jimmy gets turned up. >> jimmy: i'm going to write something specifically to her. >> i don't know what it is. >> jimmy: it's great to have you here. i love reading your books. this one is called "talking to strangers." it's out now. malcolm gladwell. we'll be right back with melanie martinez. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the 2019 a-class. mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to anthony anderson and malcolm gladwell. apologies to matt damon. we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next but first, this is her album "k through twelve." here with the song "strawberry shortcake," melanie martinez. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ feeling unsure of my naked body stand back watch it taking shape ♪ ♪ wondering why i don't look like barbie they say boys like girls with a tiny waist ♪ama's prch m but, i never really cared about that --- before ♪ ♪ look around the room to whoever wants me got boys acting like they ain't seen ♪ ♪ skin before got sent home to change 'cause my skirt is too short ♪ ♪ it's my fault it's my fault 'cause i put icing on to now, the boys want a taste ♪ ♪ of the strawberry shortcake that's my bad that's my bad ♪ ♪ no one taught them not to grab now, the boys want a taste ♪ ♪ of the strawberry shortcake gotta make sure that my legs are shiny ♪ ♪ hot wax melting burn my skin people all around me watching closely ♪ ♪ 'cause it's how i look and not what i think mikey's eyes seem to be glued to her chest ♪ ♪ so, i'm stuffing my bra so that mine look the best it's my fault it's my fault ♪ ♪ 'cause i put icing on top now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake that's my bad ♪ ♪ that's my bad no one taught th not to grab now, the boys want a taste ♪ ♪ of the strawberry shortcake instead of making me feel bad for the body ♪ ♪ i got just teach him to keep and tell him ♪ ♪ to stop sayin' it's my fault it's my fault 'cause i put icing on top ♪ ♪ now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake that's my bad ♪ ♪ that's my bad no one taught them not to grab ♪ ♪ now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake ♪ ♪ that's my bad no one taught them not to grab ♪ ♪ now, the boys want a taste of the strawberry shortcake ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, mommy wine culture. it's everywhere. >> drink! >> super moms claiming a little mommy juice helps keep them from getting super stressed. but tonight a queen of cool mom cocktail culture coming to terms with her relationship to booze. >> i needed more and more to feel alive. >> trading the wine glass for wellness. plus, ballroom bombshell. >> sailor brinkley-cook. >> the surprise headline behind tonight's premiere of "dancing with the stars." christie brinkley taking a dramatic tumble. daughter sailor gliding into mom's shoes at the very last minute. >> we're going to have mom and daughter here for the comments and scores. and -- ♪ i guess you're just what i

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