Harris, booker, castro, yang, gabbard, maynard and hartley. And the last two names i made up, but did you notice . No. Because there are too many people. The candidates, i have to say, they really came out swinging tonight. No punches were pulled. Here we go oh gehrig goes in there punching. This is not a good scene at all. Jimmy i think we have the wrong clip. That was not the debate. [ laughter ] that was from the reds and pirates last night. Lets look at it again in slow motion. Because you can see from the other angle it looked like he connected, but not exactly the ufc from this one. Watch the Police Officer here, because hes just like uh, not, nothing to see here. [ applause ] go back to your seats. Get me a pretzel. Back to cnn. Cnn had ten candidates last night and another ten to talk to tonight. That is not a group of h r block employees here to help you with your w9. Those are the liberal hopefuls. It was a serious debate that got intense at times. But there were moments of levity. Bill de blasio, the mayor of new york was funny. He said, when i am president , and that was good. [ laughter ] cory booker from new jersey said we need real marijuana justice, which i think is a new seth rogen movie coming out this summer. [ laughter ] the businessman andrew yang said were too late to solve global warming, so we need to get to higher ground. Hes basically got the same Climate Change policy as the rock. [ laughter ] and once again, Kamala Harris and joe biden fought like a divorcing couple on a paddleboat. It was everyone went after joe biden. It was joe versus the volcano tonight. After the beating he got last time biden said he wasnt going to be as polite this time around. And he definitely lived up to that. Vice president biden, you just heard mayor de blasio, whats your response . My response is [ long burp ] the debate will be right back, right after this short break. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy he didnt even say excuse me. Joe biden, you know, hes 76 years old. He stride to win over Younger Voters by using some of the hip slang from today. This idea is a bunch of malarkey. [ laughter ] jimmy good luck freeing a ap rocky with language like that. [ laughter ] President Trump has been watching and tweeting. The president weighed in today with his review of night one, lashing out at cnn moderator don lemon. He wrote, cnns don lemon, the dumbest man on television. Uh, hello. [ laughter ] insinuated last night while asking a debate question that i was a racist, when in fact, i am the leastest the least racist person in the world. He puts that in quotes, like its from a study or something. [ laughter ] you know who said that about him . Him hes quoting himself. Back to don lemon, perhaps someone should explain to don that hes supposed to be neutral, unbiased, and fair. Or is he too dumb, stupid to understand that . He felt the need for whatever reason to explain that dumb means stupid. Is it possible he thinks the people who follow him are too dumb to understand the word dumb . [ laughter ] anyway, we have dueling dons. Its not every day you see an orange attack a lemon, so that was fun. [ cheers and applause ] and i say this too. Because people talk about doubling down. Only donald trump would claim hes the least racist person in the world while calling a black man stupid. [ laughter ] watching this debate with all these democrats talking about all these it was like being in a house with a bunch of firefighters, and theres a raging wildfire outside. All the firefighters are on the couch arguing about how to fight it. There was a lot going on. Last night one of the candidates, governor Steve Bullock from montana, i guess they didnt have enough room for him on the stage, so they had to improvise. Governor Steve Bullock, please begin. Thanks, dana. I come from a state where a lot of people vote for donald trump. [ laughter ] lets not kid ourselves. Jimmy well, you know what . Turn out the lights when youre done in there, steve. Senator Bernie Sanders had a big night last night and one of the highlight moments. Tim ryan was arguing with him, i dont know who tim ryan is either, but he was arguing about the details of a bill and bernie shouted i wrote the damn bill, which shut him up. And of course the bill he was referring to is of rights. It was bernie and james madison. [ laughter ] they were holed up in a room with a quill pen and a whale oil lamp. The surprise star of the night last night was Marianne Williamson, who selfhelped her campaign. Watching this debate i missed her. It was like watching game of thrones without melisandre, the witch. Marianne williamson if you dont know is a spiritual author slash motivator who was the most searched candidate of the night last night. The top google searches during the debate were Marianne Williamson, Bernie Sanders, and porn. Not in that order. [ laughter ] Marianne Williamson to me seems like what happens you when you stay after yoga classes and ask your teacher if she has any tips and you walk out with two tinctures and eucalyptus oil. There are a lot of tweets, people even i know saying he sounds like me. Of course when i saw it my first thought was who is john delaney . And then i figured that out. Then i actually think he does kind of sound like me, but my wife doesnt and the kids dont. But ill let you decide. Close your eyes and open your ears and decide whether or not this guy sounds like me. So listen, this is what i dont understand. President trump wants to build physical walls and beats up on immigrants. Jimmy he looks like me, but he doesnt sound like what do you think . Guillermo i dont think so. Jimmy you dont think he sounds like me . Guillermo no, no. Jimmy can you imagine if he became president . Guillermo oh, my god. Jimmy i could prank call every major leader in the world. [ cheers and applause ] and i would use that power. That is my promise to you, my fellow americans. [ applause ] while were on the subject of prank calls, sebastian gorka, this is one of the monsters who lives under Donald Trumps bed. This guy, apparently he has a radio show, and apparently if you call that show its not so hard to get through. Mr. Gorka, i used to live in rosemont, west baltimore. I find it strange nobodys asking a certain question about all this. Whats the question . Well, do you have to buy special shirts to fit your head through your neck hole . In baltimore im not really sure. But thats a very strange question. Lets go to josh in wyoming. Line two. Hi, how are you . Very well, welcome to america first. Good, thank you, im a little nervous to be on the air. Dont be, dont be. Nobodys listening, only about 2 million people, so you can relax. Oh, wow, okay, then i will just say that you are a balloon headed [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well, thanks, josh. I think that summed it up. Well done, josh, or whatever your name is. So back to this debate. One of the things the candidates feel like they have to do is sell us on their humble beginnings. You see this every election. They try to oneup each other on their back stories. Like this. I stand before you today as a granddaughter of an iron ore miner. Im the grandson of immigrants. . I was raised in a single parent household. As the daughter of a Union Teacher and a newspaper man. Zplt son of a construction worker. I grew up with a single mom in a poor neighborhood. My parents met when they were active in the civil rights movement. My sister is dating my father. Yeah. Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy she could probably pull a few votes from trump. [ applause ] this is a subject id like to see these candidates weigh in on. Holiday inn announced yesterday that theyre doing away with mini shampoos. You know the shampoos you get. And this upsets me because those little shampoos are really one of the Simple Pleasures of life. You get one, youre deciding how much to use. Theres not a lot of shampoo, but its free. You can either use a little bit of it, just in case the maid doesnt leave a new one, or you can gamble and pour it all out on your head. Theyre getting rid of them and doing it for the environment, which is also what they say when they dont want to wash your towels. Its for the environment. This seems like an unusually forwardthinking move for a company that still brags about the fact that they have a fax machine in the business center. [ laughter ] meanwhile, donald trump is going the other way. His campaign has now sold almost half a Million Dollars worth of Plastic Straws. This is the real thing you can buy. Liberal paper straws dont work. Stand with President Trump and buy your pack of recyclable straws today. And Plastic Straws are only the beginning. The trump store is going allin with this. Global warming, Climate Change, extreme weather, the reason is its never sort of working. Want to support our president and devastate the environment . Shop till you drop at the trump store [ bleep ] the ocean saleabration. We have a garbage patch full of patriotic products guaranteed to choke every last [ bleep ] fish in the sea. Packing peanuts, Plastic Straws, coffee stirrers, sixpack rings, batteries, toxic sludge and paint. The only turtle we care about is this one. Remember, if the name says trump, its good to dump. The trump store, [ bleep ] the ocean saleabration. Lets make this shark week the last shark week. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this is an interesting video, you know, because a lot of people watching the debates tonight want to hear about taxes. They want to know how much of their paychecks theyre going to get to keep. This is a kid named donnie who got an early lesson not from the debate but monopoly. Wheres all your money gone, donnie . Taxes. 9, 10, 11. I want to fix my houses. Bud, its okay. Its part of the game. No its not. Its not fun. Its not fun to what . Its the worst part of the game. Is what . Taxes jimmy hes right. [ applause ] hes right. The kid named donnie. Who doesnt want to pay taxes. He could be president some day. One thing about me is i believe that children are our future. I know its controversial, but its just what i think. Whomever we elect will have a great impact on future generations, and even though kids cant vote yet, they should be heard. So we went down to the Farmers Market and asked children to tell us who they think should be the next president. Who do you think should be the next president . Michelle obama. How come . Well, she was a better president than donald trump. Bruno mars. Why would he be good . Because he would take care of people and make good music for people. Who do you think should be the next president . Alf. Who do you think should be the next president . Oprah. How come . Shes very inspirational. Someone nice. Maybe justin bieber. Why would he be a good president . Uh, hed be better than the one we have right now. I know someone named dara. She was a camp counselor, and she kind of like helps the environment a lot. And i think shed be a great president. Michael jordan. Why would he be good . Because i like the basketball skills. His shoes . Yeah. Who do you think should be the next president . My mommy. Taylor swift, maybe. Not donald trump. Who would be better than him . At least someone with a good hair job. Like you. You have great hair. Yeah. Who do you think should be the next president . Odell beckham jr. Why would he be good . I dont know. Is he smart . Not really. Kanye west . Why would he be good . Because hes a rapper. Do you think kim would make a good first lady . Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its funny now. All right, we have a great show for you tonight. We have music tonight from bj the chicago kid. Steve martorano is here. 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My feet go boom boom boom, zoom zoom zoom, zoom zoom zoom my feet go boom boom boom walkin away from you jimmy hello and welcome back to the show. Tonight, a gentleman who knows his way around a pot of boiling water. He has a new italian steakhouse coming to pittsburgh. Steve martorano is here. Steve will be making my alltime favorite meal. Do you know what that is, guillermo . Guillermo linguine and i forgot. Jimmy exactly. Linguine and clams. Then, his new album is called 1123. Bj the chicago kid from the mercedesbenz stage. Tomorrow night, Milo Ventimiglia will be here. Alison brie will join us. And well have music from the head and the heart. So please join us for that. Our first guest tonight has more emmys than humans have fingers and toes, in some cases many more. She is nominated once again for her performance as selina meyer on the great show veep. The seventh and final season is on hbo now. Please welcome Julia Louisdreyfus. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Jimmy how are you . Im good, how are you . Jimmy im doing great. Thank you. So glad to see you. Jimmy and youre feeling well . Everything is good . Yeah. Why, do i look sick . Jimmy well, you know, youd had some things. Some things here and there. Im good. Jimmy you last night kind of elaine benes in a way got a shout out. Yes. Jimmy lets show that clip so people know whats going on. I dont think the Democratic Party should be surprised that so Many Americans believe yada yada yada. [ cheers and applause ] that was so bizarre. I guess shes going to pick me as her running mate. Is that what that means . Jimmy i think if anything shd be yr running mate. Come on now. That must be kind of exciting. Well jimmy no . Its bizarre. Its kind of like worlds colliding and then some, right . Jimmy yeah. When you become such a part of the fabric of society. Culture, yeah. Jimmy that youre now like a catch phran dete yeah, totally. Jimmy i imagine its lik the lady from the wheres the beef commercial must have felt like so many years ago. It will be weird when they say no soup for you. Jimmy that will be weird. [ cheers and applause ] so do you feel like you have any kind of like, extraordinary insight into the election and wh goes on in the white house because of the show that you just did for seven seasons . Just did for seven seasons . Just did for seven seasons . Just did for seven seasons . Yeah, i think ive learned a lot about politics. Jimmy yeah. And ive got a sense of the, of the true anxiety that probably a lot of these people feel going in and trying to sell themselves as a candidate, as a brand and make a stamp and a quick a stamp sort of as themselves but quickly and jimmy yeah, right. Just to boil yourself down. Whoo. Jimmy and also to, the things you dont do are probably more important, as we saw. I think i learned what its like to be a candidate from your show, and then i go, wait a minute, i dont know if its really like this at all. [ laughter ] it is. Jimmy it is, yeah. As a matter of fact, as i was watching the debate tonight it gave me a lot of anxiety. I had to kind of turn away, you know . Jimmy when you would watch a debate like that, like a couple years ago would you be thinking oh, how can i use this for the show . Totally, 100 . Jimmy and does that change the way you watched it tonight . You can just relax and. Yeah, yeah, i guess. I dont know. Ive seen it now a few times, know what i mean . Jimmy wouldnt it be great if cnn had just slipped one of selenas debate clips into that programming. I would have loved it. It would have fit in really perfectly. Jimmy it really would have fit in. Thats the thing thats crazy. Yeah. Jimmy what kind of time period like i dont know what i can say about the last episode of veep even though it was months ago that it aired. I think we can talk about it. Jimmy can we now know what happened . Why not . Why shouldnt we . Jimmy okay. I mean, i think. Unless somebody tells me im wrong. Go for it. Jimmy theres the ending of the show. Yes. Jimmy in which selina again becomes president of the united states. [ applause ] everybody applauds, but its not for real, number one, and number two, shes a terrible person. What the hell is wrong with this country jimmy well, we did it once, why not again . Exactly. Jimmy okay, so, and then at the very end of the show yes. Jimmy its 20 something, like four years later. They jump ahead 20, 25 years later. Jimmy and were watching the news. And selina meyer has died. Yes. Were at her funeral. The coverage of her funeral. Jimmy and almost immediately after just kind of right in the