I didnt feel either one of the earthquakes. I dont know. I was driving once and the other one i was like people were like did you feel that . I didnt feel anything but a lot of people did. And you know what you do when theres a big earthquake . You have to get your phone out and start rolling cameras, because this earthquake, everyone was taping. It shook up some kind of weird school performance. I dont know what was going on there. This apartment the apartment lost a television set. Even at dodgers stadium they felt the earthquake. You can see there the camera is shaking and the big one was swimming pools. There were a lot of videos of swimming pools. And you could see thats a terrifying situation right there. This pool had like a mini tsunami. Is that one of those little fans shes holding up in the air . I dont know what the the local news. They were live on the local news. We have experiencing very strong shaking. I think we need to get under the desk. And no, that doesnt jimmy that doesnt look good, does it . Some people people i know were complaining that their dogs didnt warn them about the earthquake. What is the dog supposed to do, bark . My daughter, katie, lives about a mile from the epicenter of the quake that happened on friday night. She makes ceramics. Shes a ceramics artist which is the perfect job to have in a quake zone. The quake was that one was 7. 1. They say its ten times more powerful than the 6. 4 quake on the fourth of july which i dont the scale makes no sense. Do it one to 100. 1 is nothing, 100, youre dead. We as a group decide what to give it, and ill Say Something else. [ applause ] jimmy this happens every once in a while and nobody seems to know what to do. They used to see when the ground starts shake, get under a doorway. That was the move for many years. Then someone said no, dont get under a door. Never get under a doorway. Get under a table. Find a strong table. Not one of those ikea tables, a strong one. Get under the middle of it. That was the rule. Get under the middle of the table for many years until someone decided you should not get under the middle of the table because if something heavy falls youll get crushed. Get next to the edge of the table that way the debris hits the table and hits off. They called it the triangle of life. Now they say the triangle of life is the triangle of death. Now they say drop, cover, and hold on. Dont run. Drop to your hands and knees, cover your head and neck so the earthquake cant see you, i guess [ laughter ] jimmy and hold on until the earthquake stops. In other words, get down on your knees and pray jesus will stop making the world shake. This doesnt seem like a plan to me. Drop, cover and hold i dont like any plan that ends with hold on. Okay . You hold on. Im going out to fly a blimp and im flying out of this place. I got a lot of texts during the earthquakes saying are you guys okay . No, im buried under a pile of rubble. I was going to call 911 but instead please, send help. I was talking to people. This happened to a lot of us. We went around the office today and collected texts people got from their relatives after the earthquake. This one went to one of our producers, brett, from his mom. She wrote okay, you are not going back to l. A. 6. 5 earthquake. Quit your job, come to texas, new york is sinking. We dont live in new york. Call me. Seriously. Tell jimmy kimmel your mother will not allow you to go back, 38 aftershocks. All right. He knows now. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy this was sent to maggie, our production assistant. This is from her cousin daryl. How was that earthquake today . We dont get those things over here, lol. Snow maybe but the earth doesnt shake lol. When you coming back . That sounds like a cousin daryl to me, thats for sure. Were all fine. We have our yoga mats to protect us, lol. I want to say congratulations to the United States womens soccer team. Powerful team. Its great when we win at something, isnt it . They beat the netherlands to win their fourth world cup. Did you watch it, guillermo . Guillermo of course. Usa, yes. We won. Jimmy yeah, i know. I just said that. Guillermo i know. Jimmy nancy pelosi the speaker of the house invited the team to visit the capitol after Megan Rapinoe, the mvp, last week she was asked if he would accept an invitation to visit the white house from the president. Are you excited about going to the white house . Im not going to the [ bleep ] white house. No. Jimmy thats what melania said also. Obviously that got under our president s thin orange skin so he tweeted womens Soccer PlayerMegan Rapinoe tweeted shes not going to the f ing white house. I just got criminal Justice Reform passed. Black unemployment is at the lowest level. I dont know what this means. I dont know what this has to do with soccer but in our countrys history and the poverty indexs best number ever, leagues and teams love coming to the white house. I am a big fan of the American Team and womens soccer but meghan should win first before she talks. Finish the job. And she did. We got some exciting news today. Megan rapinoe and alex morgan will be here to celebrate with us on thursday night. Maybe well get them the mcnuggets they missed out on at the white house. Meanwhile Melania Trump is the talk in the town in her hometown where theyve erected this life size statue of the first lady near where she was born. The artist carved it with a chain saw, and it looks like the kind of thing a prisoner would put in his bed to fool the guards. There she is, melanias stump. You havent made it until youve been immortalized in art. Tonight hannah traveled around the country meeting the families of the guys she will not marry. This might have been the least exciting. Everyone got a rose. All of them made it to the fantasy suite episode. Four guys. There are strippers who dont take that many trips to the fantasy suite. One of the guys is pilot. He took hannah on a flight over the bachelor mansion. I dont want this moment to end. I literally wish we could just fly all day long. Jimmy oh, my god. You have to Pay Attention to the controls. Gwen stefani has a residency in las vegas. We got word she was in need of dancers for the show. Its a big production that requires big talent. When the notice went out, we sent in the Biggest Little ball of talent we know to try out to be part of the just a girl tour. I feel like were, like, getting there. Like, i just want to get that more of an edge. Do you know this guy . Dude, you should go home, bro, i got this. Hey. Guillermo hi. Im here for the dancing job. Youre here to audition . Guillermo i dont audition. Im a legend. Heres my resume, and i hear you like bananas. Organic. Thank you. Guillermo wow. He has a different look from anyone in our show. Thats a good thing. Guillermo should i go over there . Yes. Warm up. Guillermo this is guillermo. Okay wait a minute. Wait a minute. Number 11 what exactly you are doing . Guillermo im dancing like no one is watching. Okay. You should start dancing like everyone is watching. Guillermo thats a good tip. Guillermo i think i have a cramp in my back already. Here we go. All right. Oh, man. How did he get the address . If i read your number, then youre goingo dancingn the show, and if i dont, good luck to you in the future. So here we go. Number 8, number 3, and number 5. All right. I feel really good about it. I basically, like, cut the one girls hair. Guillermo that was bull [ bleep ]. What . Guillermo before i leave, i want to tell you something. I might not be a great dancer, but i have a big heart. A big belly. A big butt. And i think you guys are making a big mistake. Thank you, very much. Gang it. Wait a minute. You are on the team. Guillermo yeah. Woo. Yeah. I cannot believe they fell for that speech. Dumb asses. Lets go to vegas. Yeah. We did it. Guillermo, were at our residency in vegas. Guillermo this [ bleep ] bananas. One, two, three. I aint no holler back girl i aint no holler back girl guillermo god, help me. I aint no holler back girl i aint no holler back girl weve got a special guest here tonight. My favorite grandenana, guillermo. Hes bananas its not just gonna happen like that because i aint no holler back girl guillermo that went real bad. I think it was bad. Give it up for guillermo. Were good. Were done. Guillermo were done . Thank you. Thank you. All good. Thank you. My show. Do i regret hiring guillermo . Absolutely. Guillermo i think gwen stefani is mad at me, but i tried my best. Well, thanks to gwen stefani. And very well done, guillermo. You were a wonderful banana. Guillermo thank you. Jimmy tonight on the show music from Megan Thee Stallion, the reigning nfl mvp Patrick Mahomes is with us, and well be right back with the amazing tracy morgan. Stick around. Abcs Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by progressive. The more, the merrier. Got to have this stuff in the morning. Oh, thats too hot. Act your age. Get your own insurance company. Carlo, why dont you start us with a little bit of cereal . You can spread it all around the table. And were gonna split the warm hot dog. And ill have a glass of grape juice to spill on the carpet. Oh, uh, do you want some to spill . Act your age. Get your own insurance company. Oh, uh, do you want some to spill . Oh, pete . cmon man. What . We said pantyhose right . Here, eat this. Creamy snickers®. You could use a little smoothness. Pete . Pete zagorin . Get smooth with the freshground nut butters in new creamy snickers®. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Fifty percent off storewide, with new deals every single day plus earn ten dollars off your next purchase when you buy online and pick up in store im here for my denim tune up. Now, at old navy. Look its a hmm. Whale. I dont know. Thats it. Suit up haha watch the fur ahhh. What do you see in your cheetos . With this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence, youre doing whats right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. And its the only chew, fda approved to prevent infections that cause lyme disease. Nexgard. What one little chew can do. For miles and miles. Running circles being lost aint never really been my style. But i told ya. Yo, jer we gotta get to the show. I was looking for a sign. Get on the bus. I need something to believe in. Throw my hands up to the ceiling. Oh sky wont you give me a sign. Tell me will the world one day ever be mine . Jeep wrangler. Freedom to do it all. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Tonight from the kansas city chiefs, he is the mvp of the nfl and a top pick on everyones fantasy team. Patrick mahomes is here. Then she is apple musics up next artist, her album is called fever. Music from Megan Thee Stallion. Tomorrow night, Donald Glover and darcy carden will be here. Comedian Beth Stelling will join us from my comedy club in las vegas. And later this week, seth rogen, dave bautista, jon favreau, world cup champions alex morgan and Megan Rapinoe, plus music from jaden smith and taylor bennett. Please join us for all that. We dont do this for our health. Our first guest is one of the funniest men alive who has a big job wednesday night entertaining the greatest athletes on earth as host of the espys here on abc. Please welcome tracy morgan. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how you doing . Im good, man. Jimmy you smell good. Thank you. Thats a trick of the trade. My daddy said always wear fragrances. Jimmy may i ask what fragrance you use . I dont know. Jimmy were you here for the earthquake . Yeah. Man, im from the east coast. We dont get earthquakes. We got crack heads. The earth started shaking so i popped my pants. Of course i did, and a little bit of pee came out. So they said thats going to be going on for the next 20 days so i got this for the aftershock. Jimmy oh. Underwear. Youve got a giant pair of underwear. Im ready for the aftershock. Its all i could find. Jimmy well, im glad youre okay. You had just gotten off the plane when this happened . Yeah, man. Jimmy thats a hell of a welcome to l. A. Yeah. Im a grown man Walking Around like that. Jimmy had you ever been in an earthquake before . What kind of question is that . Im from the projects. Never been in no earthquake. Might have been around crack heads. Its scary. Theyll steal anything that aint nailed down. Jimmy thats true. Last year for christmas i seen one trying to sell a fire escape. Six floors of it. A little girl us huffy bike. They always sell little pink huffies. Jimmy what would one do with a fire escape . I dont know. Ask them. But i bought it anyway. It was only 2. They sell everything for 2. Jimmy do you feel are you a person i used to sell crack back in the days. Everybody was. For real. In the 80s, either you was using it or selling it. Either way you got swept up in it. I had to stop. It started tearing up my soul. I was a crack dealer with a heart of gold. Jimmy how did and im telling you, man, i couldnt that. I got tired of counting 2 in 300 pennies. Jimmy and when people pull up in the car and you would sell it to them that way . What car . What crack head you know with a car . They sold that years ago. Jimmy its a very good point. Jimmy is so naive. Jimmy i know. I was not selling crack in the 80s. I was working at millers outpost, selling levis. Its a different upbringing. Lees were hot then. Jimmy lees were. No. This is post lee time. I bought lees when i went through my cowboy phase. I name is tracy morgan aka true grit. Aka cacaligula. Jimmy bootleg or straight leg . I wore boot cut singing. Id better stop singing. Ill get sued. You got to count your money when the crack head is coming down the street jimmy very well done. I know you are right now youre in the frame of mind of hosting the espys on wednesday nights. Espys. Thats like the sports oscars. Jimmy it is. You hosted everything. Jimmy i did host that show. I went to that thing in the white house, the dinner . Jimmy yeah. You hosted that. Jimmy i know. I was there. Yeah. I love you. I love being there, man. I just love me some corrupt senators. Jimmy have you been watching womens soccer . Have you watched the world cup . Yeah. They all went to the white house. Right . Jimmy they didnt. That must have been all my exs suing me for paternity, all the women at the white house. Jimmy they were at the white house . Yeah. Jimmy whats your take on whats going on in the white house right now . What do you mean whats my take on it . My money is in my pocket. Jimmy you how is your family . Everybody is my daughter just turned six. She in the back. Maven. I gave her a fireworks display. Jimmy for her birthday . Yeah. I want to apologize to the faa. Newark airport, the six homes that i took out. I didnt know you had to point them up. Im a guy. Okay . I thought you pointed fireworks that way. Jimmy did you really give your daughter fireworks . I did. Thats my princess. Jimmy is that what she wanted . No. Thats not what she wanted. Jimmy its what you wanted. And thats whats most important, really. All the time. Jimmy wow. I mean, thats a nice gift. My parents never got me a fireworks display. I cant even imagine getting Something Like that. My wife got me a gift for my birthday. She said im late. Thats another baby on the way, yes. Jimmy would you like to have another baby . What . Would i like to have another baby . Im trying to break Eddie Murphys record. Jimmy is he the record holder . Im trying to break bob marleys record. I really want to go for gandhis record. He has, like 24. I think i have more than that, but mine is on the books. I got four on the books. I dont know who is off the books. Aint nobody say nothing to me. Jimmy how many kids would you like to have, ideally you hear this megasnn hes asking the question. Jimmy how many . Ten. For meghan. Jimmy she would have to have six more kids . Thats a lot. Yeah. That csection scar is going to be about this thick. Jimmy more with tracy morgan after this. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by amazon prime day on july 15 and 16. Best network is even bet . Best, fastest, best. Enough. Sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a new 100 total satisfaction guarantee. 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Paintblock reacts with the water in latex paint to form a microbarrier against paint bleed, giving you the sharpest lines possible. Get professional results with frogtape. No messy lines, no paint bleed. For sharp lines every time, frog it we are back with tracy morgan. The 2019 espys airs live wednesday at 8 00 et, on abc. You did saturday night live for years. Live tv, i dont know, man, its awesome. Its awesome. Jimmy do you kind of want to do something crazy on Live Television . Yeah. Im trying to get the governments attention. I have to fix this. Jimmy what is it hanging out with this dude from north korea. I had to slap him in the head. What are you doing . Jimmy you think that would help . I know it would. Look at me. Look at my face. North korea dont want to play with me. Jimmy youd be in front of the greatest athletes in the world. Who is your all Time Favorite athlete . Uncle moe. All city boys and Girls High School in brooklyn. Jimmy basketball . Yeah. Moe. Moe. Thats my uncle. Thats my uncle. He made the contribution to me as a man. Jimmy what contribution did uncle moe make . Being a man about it all. When they say they late, man up.