Do you feel bad for the people on the east coast right now . Didnt even bother to lie. A bomb cyclone what is theyre calling it. Why they make it sound like the east coast is about to get hit with a delicious dessert from dairy queen, i dont know. [ laughter ] they did, schools are closed. Thousands of flights were canceled. It even snowed in tallahassee, florida, today. Alligators were like, what the . [ laughter ] meanwhile, here in l. A. It was 70 degrees. [ laughter ] it was a chilly 70, i had to wear two pairs of lulu lemon pants for my morning starbucks. While the weather is cold, the president is very, very hot right now. [ laughter ] the president is at like a 19 right now. Last night, last night at 8 00, which is unusual for him to tweet at night but he tweeted, i will be announcing the most dishonest and corrupt media awards of the year on monday. At 5 00 oclock, subjects will cover dishonesty and bad reporting in various categories from the fake news media, stay tuned. Sounds like somebodys been in the white house laundry room eating tide pods again. [ laughter ] because the president of the United States is starting his own awards show. For the media. The stupid peoples Choice Awards are what theyre calling it. [ laughter ] this is a real dilemma for the president. Because on one hand, you know, he loves awards and trophies. But will he be physically able to give a trophy to someone other than himself . I dont think so. [ laughter ] today on twitter, trump lashed out at steve bannon. You remember steve bannon is trumps former chief strategist who always looked like he was halfway through melting. [ laughter ] he looked like frosty without the hat on. But anyway, he is quoted in a new book accusing jared kushner, trumps soninlaw, of money laund laundering, accusing donald trump jr. Of treason, which now you tell us . Thanks a lot. [ laughter ] but this book paints a very unflattering picture of a detached and flatout stupid president who eats at mcdonalds because hes afraid of being poisoned. [ laughter ] this is in the book. He sprays his hair with just for men and ivanka makes fun of him for it. Hes constantly leaking information about himself and demanding to leak the information. He didnt want to win the presidency and he was horrified when he did, melania cried. We all cried, really. [ cheers and applause ] but the real bombshells from the book were from steve bannon. Trump fired back today, he wrote, steve bannon has nothing to do this was a press release with me or my presidency, when he was fired he not only lost his job, he lost his mind. [ laughter ] and the then djtj, the president s son got in the fight, went after bannon, called him a liar and a back stabber. The rats are finally eating their young is whats going on here. This administration is unlike anything ever, three new scandals every day, the wheels keep coming off and somehow the bus keeps rolling. I dont know how many wheels there are on this bus. [ laughter ] in the meantime we have a little situation with north korea. Last night, i mentioned last night the president sent a my red button is bigger than yours tweet to kim jongun. The scariest thing is trumps Nuclear Button is right next to his Fried Chicken button, and his little fingers are very covered with grease. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the good news, if there is any good news, tensions appear to be easing a little bit between north and south korea. During this new years speech that got trump riled up, kim jongun extended an olive branch to the south and reopened a telephone hotline between the two countries. North korea hadnt used this hotline in years. Even though it only costs 3. 99 a minute and lets you chat with other sexy dictators in your area. [ laughter ] south korea said theyve been calling north korea twice a day since february 2016. No wonder the north hates them, thats annoying, stapp calling. Today they did connect and have a listen for rurs are. We want to ask you how you feel about your current leadership. Very satisfied, somewhat satisfied, or not satisfied at all . A survey . At this time of day . Im sorry . I figured you werent having dinner since you have no food. Hilarious. [ dial tone ] this is a nice blast from the past. Mitt romney is planning a comeback. Mitt romney is reported to be considering a run for the senate in utah to replace retiring senator orrin hatch. If elected he promises to bring muchneeded boringness back to the republican party. [ laughter ] i like to imagine mitt romney gearing up for a senate run, furiously ironing his dockers while eye of the tiger blasts out of his amazon echo. [ laughter ] but another senator, this one from alabama, doug jones, was sworn in today. This is great. Even though doug jones was sworn in, his opponent in the race, roy moore, still hasnt conceded the election. He filed lawsuits contesting the results, they were thrown out. But this determined little bucker roo wont hang up his cowboy hat. Like when security guards at the mall told him to go home and leave the teenage girls alone, he said nopey dopey, ill take this all the way to the food court if i have to. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you remember a few weeks back when roy moores wife fought back against accusations they were antisemitic by saying this . One of our attorneys is a jew. Jimmy one of our attorneys is a jew. Well, turns out that attorney she so proudly referenced, they looked all over for this guy, he wasnt their lawyer, he represented their son against drug charges. And not only did he vote against roy moore, he went around from house to house handing out Campaign Materials for roy moores opponent. Doug jones. One of our attorneys is a jew. Jimmy the truth is, i just wanted to show that clip again. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and that wont be the last time, thats not going away. Its hard to imagine who the people are that are watching this all happen and nodding along approvingly, but there are people who are. And my guess is a good number of them watch Pat Robertson on the 700 club. This is a show you probably havent seen, but we monitor it regularly. Its been on i think since three years before tv was invented. [ laughter ] apparently in all that time, Pat Robertson, the host of the show, has never heard of avocado toast. This looks fascinating. All these beautiful pictures of all these nice things we can eat. Right . And theyre delicious recipes too. And one of the simplest ones is one of the most powerful for your brain. Whats that . Avocado toast. Come on. Yes. And i eat it every morning for breakfast. Wait a minute. Thats a piece of brown bread and youve got avocado how do you do that paste . Its simple. Its just avocado. I spread it on there. Its natures mayonnaise. Those mexicans that have all that avocado, theyre eating properly, is that what youre saying . Yes. Jimmy yes, they are. Yes, sir. [ applause ] we dont need to build a wall, weve got natures mayonnaise. Maybe Pat Robertson is high, wouldnt that be refreshing . [ laughter ] now that Recreational Marijuana is legal here as of january 1st [ cheers and applause ] that actually lent credence to this, that some of our viewers have been operating their televisions while under the influence of cannabis. So as part of an ongoing effort to be inclusive, we are now offering closed captioning for the smokingimpaired. Follow along with the words and the text on your screen. There are about 100 licensed retailers of cannabis in the golden state. Not everywhere, some areas are holding out, waiting to see what effect the new law has on surrounding counties. In los angeles, the city didnt begin taking new license applications until today. It could take weeks before those licenses are actually issued. But even though it isnt available in the city of l. A. , Recreational Marijuana is being sold in west hollywood, which is technically a municipality within the city of l. A. And there are three places selling marijuana there. There are also federal roadblocks to legalization. Attorney general Jeff Sessions is a staunch opponent of cannabis use. Even though he looks really exactly like a keebler cookie elf. And under his dea, marijuana is still considered a schedule 1 drug, same category as heroin. Federal legalization could be a long way off but as of now you can purchase Legal Marijuana in some parts of california, washington, oregon, colorado, alaska, sales in california expected 7 billion in tax money the next few years, very welcome news for the state. You got it . Okay, good, all right. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy did you understand what was happening there . Guillermo yes. Jimmy you do, okay. Have you gone into one of those medical Recreational Marijuana places . Guillermo no, no. Jimmy maybe we should send you in, see what happens. Guillermo yeah, sure, yeah. Tomorrow, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy youll do that . Guillermo ill do that. Jimmy you know what would be fun, tomorrow, maybe tomorrow night, well send you into one during the monologue and watch you in there, watch you walk around. Guillermo great, yeah. Jimmy when we come back from the break, a special award show edition of lie witness news. We will be right back. [ cheers and applause ] i have to tell you something. Dad, one second i was driving and then the next. They just didnt stop and then. Im really sorry. I wrecked the subaru. I wrecked it. Youre ok. Thats all that matters. vo a lifetime commitment to getting them home safely. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Making a target run after cli need vitamins. Inhale. Im out of yogurt i need protein powder. Ill drive. 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And if thats not enough to help you save, we could help you cut the cord. Thats right. Cancel it. What about my reality shows . Ok, if thats not enough, well give you reality. This is too real maybe a comedy . Alright, how about a comedian . Arsenio . Aint nothing funny about laundry well do anything, seriously anything, to help your money grow. People just walking in my house. Ally. Do it right. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Jessica chastain, Sean Diddy Combs, and Brandi Carlile on the way. First we are right at the beginning of awards season in hollywood. The Golden Globes are on sunday. Then the trumpees, Donald Trumps award show, on monday. The thing about award shows, for some reason people send to have strong opinions about them. People get mad before theres even anything to get mad about. So weve decided to have some fun with that. We went on the street, we asked people to give us their thoughts on the outstanding celebrity excellence awards that aired last night. There are no outstanding celebrity excellence awards. They did not air last night. We made it up. Did that stop real people from piling on to voice their complaints about an award show that did not happen . Lets find out in tonights angry award show edition of lie witness news. Were talking to people about last nights outstanding celebrity excellence awards. What were your feelings when you saw will. I. Am come out in blackface . Well, i like his music. But he gets to express himself any way he wants. But i personally wouldnt have chosen that. What did you feel when you saw that . I was worried he was offending others. Obviously last night you heard the host called someone the t word. Is it ever okay to call someone the t word . Its never okay to call somebody the t word. Its out of line and its not anybodys place to call anybody that. When hosts hoda and kathie lee said put your hands together for vivica fox, do you think they should have to apologize to the amputees for their ignorant statement . Whoo, thats a hard one. Obviously im always for including everyone. And i wouldnt want anyone without the ability to clap how can they make it up to the handless . Um i mean, its possible we could stop you know, instead of just putting your hands together, you could say, lets celebrate soandso. Womens groups are very upset with presenter tom bergeron mansplaining womens reproductive rights. How did you feel . I believe the womans body is her own choice and no, he was mansplaining womens reproductive rights to women. I want to know if euro fended by that. Honestly, i think that it was a little bit offensive and i think that he should just watch what he says next time. Let me lay this down in the simplest possible terms. This is two women that are now offended that a man was explaining to them their reproductive rights. How did you feel when you saw that . Honestly, i was disgusted. When you were a young man, friends with fat albert and the cosby gang, were you offended they would call him fat albert this. Hell no. Okay, look. In the ghetto, [ bleep ] is real. If you fat, you fat. If you got pimples, youre pizza face. If your breath stink, youre garbage mouth. If youre fat, youre fat albert. In your opinion, did the host overnormalize peanut intolerance . Is it possible to overnormalize peanut intolerance . I think that its important to acknowledge everyones allergies and to, you know, be respectful of that. I had a roommate that would die if she ate a peanut. Ha ha ha thats hilarious its important to, you know ha ha really, its important oh, man where are you from . Im choking its okay. Heimlich. Dont get sexual, dont get sexual. Spit it out dont get sexual. I cant help it alicia keys is taking major heat from p. E. T. A. For killing that ladybug that landed her arm during her speech. Will you join the boycott of her music . I think we all make mistakes. But i think that that what did you feel when you saw that . I was very disgusted when i saw that. Because she displays herself as a lover of all, but that shows her actions dont support that. Anything you want to say to alicia keys . Alicia, i think you should remember that all animals and people have worth. And your actions speak louder than words. Maybe stop killing ladybugs . Stop killing ladybugs. You may not believe in reincarnation but others do. And thats offensive. Who are you watching it with . My family, my 11yearold daughter, my 14yearold and 18yearold son, and my husband. Were they upset when she killed that ladybug . My 11yearold daughter was, yes. She cried . No. She just enjoys alicia on the voice. She thinks thats wrong for her to swat a ladybug and kill it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy shame on all of you. All right. We have a good show for you tonight. Music from Brandi Carlile, not a ladybug killer. Sean diddy combs is here, and well be right back with jessica chastain. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] we started designing popup cards in our basement. Whats cool is, today, we have 400 people working across the globe. With office 365, we can all stay connected, from vietnam, to boston, to new york. Now with whiteboard, we can all Work Together at the same time. And 3d in powerpoint shows clients exactly what our cards look like. Yeah, having everyone working together on the new teams app is really awesome. Seeing all these people react to our cards . Thats what makes it all worth it. When this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night. Hold on dad. Liberty did what . Yeah, Liberty Mutual 24hour roadside assistance helped him to fix his flat so he could get home safely. My dad says our insurance doesnt have that. Dont worry i know what a lug wrench is, dad. Is this a lug wrench . Maybe . You can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™. Liberty stands with you™. Liberty mutual insurance. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Tonight, a man of many gifts and many names, Sean Diddy Combs is here. Then, her album is called by the way, i forgive you Brandi Carlile from the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show, some show tomorrow, kobe bryant will be here, Khloe Kardashian will join us, and music from prophets of rage. And on friday, armie hammer, jason clarke, and music from they. Please join us for that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is an oscar nominated, golden globewinning actress who has been nominated for a 5th globe for playing Reallife Party felon molly bloom in mollys game, it opens wide friday, please welcome jessica chastain. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . Im good, how are you . Jimmy im doing well, thank you. Congratulations, you got married since the last time you were here. I know, im a married lady. Jimmy tell me your husbands name. Say his name. I dont think i can. His full name is jean luc passe de proposolo. Italiano. Jimmy polish name . [ laughter ] hes really from italy . Yeah, hes venetian. Jimmy venetian . From the venice region. Jimmy hes used to commuting like this. [ laughter ] thats how i was wooe on a gone doudola. Singing opera. No. Jimmy you werent. Have you been on a gondola . Yes, but the funny thing is hes never been on a gondola until i took him. He grew up there. Baby, so cheesy, no, no. We went on and he loved it. Jimmy he did. Whats not to like, its a gondola. We went by casanovas house. Jimmy he still lives there . [ laughter ] how old is he . Wow, thats romantic to go by casanovas house. Do people live in his house now . Im sure they do, yeah. Im sure the ghost of casanova is inspiring them. Jimmy probably, yes. Did you spent the holidays in italy . Yes. Jimmy with his family . A little secret. I am a little jet lagged. I am nine hours ahead right now. Its the middle of the night for me. I was in the alps the day before yesterday. Jimmy really . In the italian alp