Shes a monster. Melissa what . Nothing, love you. Melissa youre too soft youre too soft anybody want a picture with thor . Dicky from hollywood, its Jimmy Kimmel Live with special guest host Melissa Mccarthy tonight, Octavia Spencer, jennifer aniston, from the disaster artist dave franco, this week in unnecessary censorship, and music from hanson. And now, heres Melissa Mccarthy [ cheers and applause ] melissa hello welcome to Jimmy Kimmel Live. Im your guest host for the night, Melissa Mccarthy. [ cheers and applause ] and i am just starting to maybe realize that i am the only one that has dressed up. [ laughter ] guillermo, wheres your costume . Guillermo i we were all on an email about how everybody was going to dress up in holiday costumes for tonight . [ laughter ] cleto, you were on that email. Cleto no. Melissa dont you shake your head at me, you were on that email. Come on. Stonedlooking drummer guy . You were on it. [ laughter ] okay, okay. Ahha, okay. I know what this is. This stinks of kimmel to me. Jimmy . Good one. Im fine with it. This baby was just sitting in my closet waiting for me to take her out for a spin. Okay . This is my thursday night outfit of choice. [ cheers and applause ] ill be honest. At first i wasnt sure if i was going to guest host. I was a little nervous, i thought, i dont know. But then the producers offered me 12 cash, cash. Plus all the husked corn that i could carry. [ laughter ] i know, i know [ applause ] i couldnt refuse. This is actually very exciting for me. My whole family is watching, even the secret family i have stashed away in canada. Bon jour, to jacques and my twin boys maple and poutine. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] we have a good show for you. My dear friend Octavia Spencer is here. [ cheers and applause ] weve known each other for like 20 years. Shes amazing. Dave franco is with us. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. In all honesty, ive never met the guy, seems a little shifty to be honest. Well get together afterwards and judge him. We also have music from hanson. [ cheers and applause ] they are a band of three brothers. And tonight, we will vote one of them out of the family. [ laughter ] thats always fun. And best of all, my parents are here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] you guys want to meet them . Bring them out [ cheers and applause ] here we see mike and Sandy Mccarthy in their midwestern natural habitat. Mom and dad, if you please this is like in a fever dream and its coming true. Okay. Very seriously now, mom and dad, im glad that youre here. And i have an exciting surprise for you. I didnt tell you about this before because i knew youd say no. Okay. You are the first two human being contestants ever to play tvs newest, hottest game show. Its time to play who loves their daughter more . [ cheers and applause ] the way it works, im going to ask you some questions about me. Things any decent loving parent should know without hesitation. If you know the answer shout it out. And youll get a point. Whoever gets the most correct answers, clearly loves me more. And whoever loses, has to buy their own plane ticket home. So let us begin. Well start with an easy one. What was my characters name on mike and molly . Molly. Molly. Molly, Molly Melissa did you say mike . Dad said he got it first. Did you say molly . Okay. My mom will pout. You said molly . I thought you said mike, which was upsetting for me. I said molly. Melissa they each get a point. Question number two. What action was i doing when i violently and accidentally kicked dad in the head in high school . Backflip. Melissa sandy takes it for number two [ cheers and applause ] maybe you dont remember because i kicked you in the head. Question number three. What is my blood type . Aplus. Melissa i dont know, we have to skip it, i have no idea. [ laughter ] okay, very important. What was my major in college . You know what hang on, im going to actually rephrase that. What was the name of the bar that i primarily drank in for the 18 months that i somewhat attended college . Its in carbondale. Melissa he gets a point he gets a point 611. Thank you for footing the bill for my drinking problems. Now for what do we have here . Lets see the score on the board, please. Lets see the score on the board. Its a dead heat, its 22. So far you both like me. Lets see who loves me. Name as many of my High School Friends as you can. Dont stop whoever stops first loses. And begin okay. Melissa i was very popular. [ laughter ] um melissa rhymes with airy but starts with sh sherry. Melissa sure rhymes with istin but with a k. Kingston . [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] melissa thats it but due to my help sandy wins it. Sandy, who i like to call mom, you clearly love me more. Show her what she wins dicky for loving melissa more, youre going home with a pile of canned hash. [ cheers and applause ] melissa dont eat it all in one place or ever in front of me. One more thing. Now its thursday night and tradition is tradition. So its time to bleep and blur the big moments of the week. Heres this week in unnecessary censorship. The special Counsel Robert Mueller [ bleep ] the [ bleep ]. Relocated the agent from his team. Happening now two hours to [ bleep ] a trillion [ bleep ]. What could possibly go wrong . Do you know what song hes singing . [ bleep ] you [ bleep ] you [ bleep ] you [ bleep ] you that is not a real song. Thats what song hes singing. Its a big, pick [ bleep ]. Merry christmas to all of us. [ bleep ]. You meet [ bleep ] and people you thought were [ bleep ] but theyre not so good at [ bleep ]. Timeout, timeout interesting. Im in a pencil skirt. And i dont want to show you my [ bleep ]. Throwing a Christmas Party and youre all invited, want to come . Ive got the yule log video. Were also [ bleep ]ing [ bleep ]ing. Oh, sure, yeah [ cheers and applause ] melissa we have to take a break. But when we come back, i will take a stand against one of the great hoaxes of our time with the help of a mystery alist celebrity. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] resolution 1 binge more. Join the uncarrier, and get four unlimited lines for only forty bucks each. Plus, netflix for the whole family. On us. So, they get their shows. Lets go, girl youre gonna love this bit and you get yours. Watch however you want. On your phone, tablet, or tv. For just forty bucks per line. With no extra charges. Lets rock this joint all on americas best unlimited network, tmobile. Of doing things their own way. History they age every drop of jim beam twice as long as the law requires for a true kentucky straight bourbon. So, four long years from now, ill be back for this one. Thats how jim beam makes history. How will you make yours . New jim beam vanilla. Subtly sweet vanilla balanced with smooth jim beam bourbon. Mix with cola for a cocktail thats completely in sync. Ito become dangerous. 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Melissa its okay. You know what . Its okay. Im in a holiday mood. And im not going to let this, or guillermo, ruin my evening. [ cheers and applause ] you know, were having fun tonight. Were having fun and you know what i like to do when were having fun is id like to come to a quick, sharp halt with the fun. As you know, theres been a lot of talk these days about the environment, our changing climate and global warming. Some people say its real. And then the smart people know its a ruse invented by the illuminati. [ laughter ] okay . But theres an even bigger issue facing our planet, one that has gone undebunked for hundreds of years. And i am proud to lend my voice to the chorus confronting this worthy issue. So please, Pay Attention to this because it might just save your life. I hi. Im famous person Melissa Mccarthy. Id like to talk to you about a subject the Mainstream Media doesnt want you to hear about. They say we shouldnt ask questions. They say its settled science. They call people who disagree with them deniers. Of course im talking about gravity. Lets look at the facts. The socalled theory of gravitivity was conceived by isaac newton. Thats right, the guy from the cookies is trying to tell us why we should stay down. Every day millions of schoolchildren are brainwashed into believing that they cannot fly. Melissa, what are you talking about . [ cheers and applause ] people cannot fly. Melissa this is my slightly lessfamous acquaintance, jennifer aniston. Its jennifer. Melissa were aware who you are and are not. And id like to know and i think all of america would, who told you that gravity is real . Hm . Pretty much every scientist in the world told me that. Melissa exactly. Every single scientist. Every single one . Isnt that a little fishy . This [ bleep ] is going to end. [ bleep ] is going to end. No, no melissa i have a question for hollywood. If gravity isnt a hoax, then why are you floating right now . Boom i dont know, because you put a harness on me during that fake tussle . Melissa i dont know what youre talking about. Why are you afraid to hear both sides . Melissa you are no both sides. If theres no gravity, why are you still on the ground . The reason im on the ground is because i keep one of my gams tied to an anvil all the time. I guess you feel stupid now, jennifer. I guess your smartwater didnt work. Get me down right now. Melissa were going to start calling you sheep. Baa im Melissa Mccarthy and im reminding you what goes up will stay there forever oh, god, all right. This is so dumb. This is so dumb. Melissa put a sock in it, rachel [ cheers and applause ] melissa scary stuff. The truth is scary. Tonight on the show, dave franco is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from hanson. And well be right back with Octavia Spencer [ cheers and applause ] this is google home mini. It makes shopping super easy. 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Hey, wait, theres something i need to tell you dang. Dang dang dang. Dang. See zero in a whole new way. Get zero down, zero deposit, zero first months payment, and zero due at signing on select volkswagen models. Now with the people first warranty. Melissa welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. I am your guest host Melissa Mccarthy. I mean, i dont want to beat a dead horse. But minutes ago, we were all on a Conference Call talking about getting into our costumes. Everybody agreed. Cleto . Senior cleto, your words and i quote were lets do this you kept saying lets do this, then blow your horn, lets do this you know what . Im going to let it go. Im going to let it go and i get its a little holiday hazing. Okay . Easy breezy for me. Im not upset for me. Im upset for Octavia Spencer. [ laughter ] she deserves better than this. Tonight on the show, from the movie the disaster artist, hes one of my favorite franco brothers, dave franco is here. [ cheers and applause ] and then, their album is called finally its christmas. Hanson from the mercedesbenz stage [ cheers and applause ] and this is good news from the kimmel family. Baby billys recovery is going great. [ cheers and applause ] i talked to jimmy today. Hes making poops, hes making peepees, hes eating like a champ, and so is baby billy. [ laughter ] [ applause ] our first guest tonight is a terrific actress and a terrific person. We met long before she was an oscar winner. She was just an oscar watcher. Starting tomorrow, you can see her in the acclaimed new movie the shape of water. Please say hello to my friend Octavia Spencer. [ cheers and applause ] melissa oh, guys this feels right, huh . [ laughter ] you look melissa well, one of us looks very chic. It may not be me. Now youve known mike and Sandy Octavia for like 18 years. Weve known each other like 20 years. 20 years. [ cheers and applause ] melissa youve known mike and sandy, which theyre always exactly this that position whenever octavias over. Ive got a bone to pick with sandy. In the 20 years that weve known her, you know, ive never beat her in rummy. Melissa its true. Because shes like a gangster card shark. Gangster. Melissa dont be fooled by that because she will take you down and shred you. [ laughter ] but also someone else is pretty intensely competitive. Want to talk about you want to talk about your competitive problem . Me . Im not competitive. Im im a team player melissa who gets loud . Okay, okay melissa its a game. Ive heard her scream at my mother. It was during an uno round. Rummy on the board, rummy on the board, you know when you throw the never mind. It was okay. Melissa this is like volume 2. When its like in my dining room its just octavia screaming at people. My children, my mother. Its a red 2 its a red 2 uno and i know you love christmas. Is this making you its making me so hungry. [ laughter ] melissa i think somethings not quite balanced here. What . What would you say to that . Oh melissa i can just keep going. [ cheers and applause ] that feels right to me. Thats like a Christmas Present for all of us, right, gang . For all of us. Thank you. Melissa you love your christmas. Do you want to this is the part where i just start embarrassing you because i know you. Do you want to tell people when your tree may have gone up . Do you want to give an estimate on that date . The problem with thanksgiving this year is that it came early. Because normally my tree goes up after thanksgiving. But it went up like ten days before thanksgiving. Melissa ten days before. Just so you catch it. Before thanksgiving. Thats when you drive by someones house and youre like, that crazy persons got their tree up already. I needed a little love in the world. Melissa now if i were to make you tell a story in the spirit of christmas, would you give that story as a gift and not hold it against me forever if i say maybe made you tell a certain story about Peanut Butter . Oh my god [ cheers and applause ] melissa its one of my favorite stories. I know its a terrible setup. But do you know which i know which one youre talking about. Well, yes, okay melissa do you still have roommates . This is like 15 years ago. I had a roommate. Sweet girl. But i thought she had a problem with spoons. Because there were never any spoons. And i tried to have my Peanut Butter, instead of having it on a sandwich, i liked to lick it on a spoon, you know, less calories. [ laughter ] for some reason there were never any spoons. I was always buying spoons and i was always running out of Peanut Butter. So one you know how you do your Spring Cleaning and you flip your mattress. Melissa was there not also some altercations at a very loud volume where you were screaming about, if youre going to eat my Peanut Butter then you better replace my Peanut Butter . Yes, yes. Melissa fingers were pointing and someone may have been yelling about peanut butner a raged, crazy voice . Because i heard it. I was a little upset. You know, we were actors and poor. So Peanut Butter, it was my lifeline. Melissa and a source of protein. Thank you, thank you. And i did i feel so bad. I was like seriously. You going to eat my Peanut Butter like that. I had anger in my heart because im like, what is it about this girl and Peanut Butter and spoons and lying . Melissa and lying, lying around a lot. It was only you and me here, lady. And im not eating the Peanut Butter. Or so i thought. It happened that i was Spring Cleaning and i had this cute little sleigh bed. So i was flipping it to turn the mattress. I found all of these spoons. [ laughter ] with Peanut Butter caked on them. It wasnt the side of the bed that i slept on so i was just rolling over to the other side, tucking my spoons like a squirrel, in my sleep, guys. In my sleep. [ cheers and applause ] melissa did you ever tell her oh well, she found out now. Melissa she found out now. I was too embarrassed. Youre like, i know you did it you know. Then youre like, okay, well, i got to own that one. Melissa s