Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20171202 : comparemela

KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live December 2, 2017

Oops. Guillermo hey, what the hell luke walker . Thats mr. Luke walker to you. I havent used the force in 30 years. Want to try again . Guillermo no, thats okay, im already drunk. Then my work here is done. Dicky from hollywood, its Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight, the cast of star wars the last jedi. Director rian johnson, mark hamill, adam driver, daisy ridley, john boyega, oscar isaac, andy serkis, gwendoline christie, Kelly Marie Tran, and laura dern. Plus unnecessary censorship, Star Wars Edition. And now, may the force be with you, heres jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy very nice. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you for coming. Thank you for joining us. The force is not so strong with this one. Tonight is star wars night. The director and cast of star wars the last jedi all here tonight. We are down to our last jedi and our last president here. [ laughter ] tonights show will be a comiccon, except the only nerd who gets to ask annoying questions this is one right in front of you. As i mentioned, weve got the whole cast here. Im going to interview them, youre going to hear what they have to say. Together were going to vote one of them out of the movie. It really will be interactive. Star wars of course, its now an official part of the holiday season. Tonight to bring it all together we are, and i especially, am pleased to unveil for the first time in this galaxy the Chewbacca Christmas tree, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] isnt it beautiful . This Christmas Tree oh, look at that. Took more than a Million Dollars to build this and worth every nickel, right, guillermo . Guillermo right, jimmy. Jimmy do you have a tree yet . Guillermo no. Jimmy maybe youd like to bring this home to your wife. Guillermo shed love that. Jimmy tell her this is what it looks like every night after they sweep up at peuts. Theres only one ball of joy in the universe cuter than guillermo, and that ball is here in the studio tonight. Please say hello to bb 8, everybody [ cheers and applause ] hello, bb8, hows it going . Really, you have a girlfriend, huh . Shes here in the audience . Oh, wow. Where is she . Oh, look at that. Shes a vacuum cleaner. Good score. Very nice to meet you. May i ask where you and bb met . Bikram yoga, wow. Congratulations to both of you. Thank you for being here tonight. Its very exciting to have you here. I didnt understand that but its okay. Why dont you hang out with guillermo and you can watch over the rest of the show. All right there you go. Bb8, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] oh, theyre talking. Boy, if people are just waking up stoned right now . [ laughter ] i apologize. Star wars franchise has given us many beloved droids over the years like bb8, r2d2, c3po. There are lesserknown droids who didnt make it to episode 8. I thought it fitting to pay tribute to those robots who fell well before their time. I will remember you will you remember me dont let your heart pass you by note weep not for the memory jimmy well. [ cheers and applause ] i dont want to get too heavy here, but i hope theyll be recycled. The last jedi opens december 15th. Theyre very secretive about everything but we have been able to learn a couple of things. Organize according to my sources, you know i work for the company that makes star wars. According to my sources Luke Skywalker will be reunited with his longlost brother. [ laughter ] they body have daddy issues. And the big question as far as family goes is who are reys parents . People have been obsessing about this online, writing, posting speculation. After much investigation, i am excited to inform you reys parents are barbara and steve matheson. They live in tucson, arizona. Steve is a mortgage broker, barb is a registered nurse. They dont understand reys jedi lifestyle but they support her nonetheless and i think thats wonderful. [ cheers and applause ] back here on the planet earth. The bigly story of the day, maybe of the year, is Michael Flynn. Michael flynn is former National Security adviser to donald trump. He pled guilty today to one count of lying to the fbi about his communication with the ambassador from russia. This is the same Michael Flynn who led the chant of lock her up in reference to Hillary Clinton at the Republican National convention, where he also said this. If i did a tenth, a tint ent what she did, i would be in jail today. Jimmy well. So i guess he did a tenth of what she did and hes going to be in jail today. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hes apparently facing multiple very serious charges. The fact that hes only been charged with one count of lying to the fbi most likely means he made a deal with the special counsel, robert mueller, to implicate others, to rat people out. Which may explain why president trumps lawyer was seen leaving the white house with an overturned bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken over his head. Flynn is reportedly preparing to testify against trumps family and staff, and maybe the president himself, which is potentially very bad news for donald trump. And potentially very good news for melania trump. [ laughter ] the most suspicious thing is donald trump hasnt even tweeted about this. His Team Released a Statement Today that described Michael Flynn, this is good, as a former Obama Administration official. [ laughter ] yes. Who obama fired and then personally warned trump not to hire, which he did anyway. But yes, its obama. According to Court Documents a very Senior Member of trumps Transition Team told Michael Flynn to contact the russian ambassador. That very senior individual is reported to be ivanka trumps husband jared kushner, now officially the worst soninlaw since the movie pauly shore made in 1993. [ laughter ] and i dont think hes going to thrive in prison. Maybe trump is smarter than we think. People say, oh, no, hes smart. Maybe this was all an extremely elaborate ruse to get rid of an annoying soninlaw. [ laughter ] flynns deal, its a little bit confusing. Since its star wars night i think i have a way to explain it that will make sense to everyone. So you see Luke Skywalker getting electrocuted on the floor. Luke represents robert mueller. Darth vader represents Michael Flynn. And emperor pallpatine shooting lightning out of his fingers, thats donald trump. Now flynn used to take orders from trump. But his ledge jans is flipped now. And so he might be about to pick trump up and throw him down a shaft into the death star. [ cheers and applause ] now i guess we just wait for the other shoe to drop. Unfortunately, since its the trump family, that shoes being made in china so it could be awhile. It is the end of the week now. The cast of the new star wars movie is here. Since you can see all the star wars films at moviesanywhere i. Com we went through it. It took a lot of work but this is a very special Star Wars Edition of this week in unnecessary censorship. My son is with them. Are you sure . I have [ bleep ]ed him, my master. Let me see your [ bleep ]. You dont need to see his [ bleep ]. You dont need to see his [ bleep ]. Dont go. [ bleep ] yourself. You know i got to leave, i cant stay any more. Youre a good [ bleep ], solo. Hate to lose you. Theres a price on my head if i dont [ bleep ] jabba the hutt, im a dead man. You stay here. We need to [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. Im capable of [ bleep ]ing my own [ bleep ], thank you very much. I dont think so. Something must have happened to them. See if theyve been captured. Hurry. Coyou cant escape your destiny. You must [ bleep ] darth vader again. I cant [ bleep ] my own father. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have to take a break. When we come back, brandnew and exciting ideas for the next Star Wars Trilogy with director ryan johnson so stick around oh, no, you blinked. He blinked. Dylan, is a patient at st. Jude childrens research hospital. Thanks to you, st. Jude is leading how the world treats and defeats childhood cancer. And we freely share our research to help save kids worldwide. Saw you blink no, you blinked. Nope, you blinked. I didnt blink. Give thanks for the healthy kids in your life. Visit stjude. Org or shop where you see the st. Jude logo. I could do this for a hundred years. At tmobile, when you holiday together, great things come in twos. Like tmobile and netflix. Right now when you get an unlimited family plan, netflix is included. Ho ho ho tmobile covers your netflix subscription. Best Christmas Gift ever . So you can binge watch all year long. Now youre thinking christmas and now when you buy any of this seasons hot new Samsung Galaxy phones, you get a second one free to gift. 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And i assumed they must be looking for ideas so my partner guillermo and i went on whats known here in hollywood as a pitch meeting, sat down with rian johnson whos been selected as the Creative Force behind this new trilogy to pitch some we think really great characters and ideas. Jimmy hey, how you doing . Hey, jimmy. Jimmy how are you . Im good, man, how are you . Jimmy mind. Fy i put this sure, sure. Jimmy this is my writing partner guillermo. Hello. Guillermo nice meeting you. Jimmy hes from mexico, International Thing going on here. Love the movie, you did such a great job with that. Yeah, its not out yet, it doesnt jimmy i know but you know what im saying. Where should i sit, here . Thats good, sure. Jimmy i understand you have three more movies to make. Got a whole new trilogy, yeah. Jimmy thats a handful, isnt it. It is, its a lot. Jimmy are you going to lose the old characters at all . Nope. Idea is we need jimmy not going to use the old characters . A whole new set of characters. Jimmy youll need a lot of characters. Weve got to come up with some stuff, yeah. Jimmy weve been working on some stuff and i think we can help you with this. You dont have to use all of these but i think there are definitely going to be seven or 18 of these youre going to like and want to use. Okay. Jimmy so our first character is called senor tapas. Hes an alien. And he serves food in very small portions. Small plates sort of thing. Guillermo shots of tequila here too. Okay. Senor tapas, all right, all right. Jimmy well give that one what, a 10 . Depending on the total scale, yeah. We can say 10, yeah. Jimmy ja jabbas palace. You need a boy band. The star boys. Look at it. The tentacle ties it into the alien. Jimmy the star wars version of one direction. Its a great way to end the movies too. You dont have to come up with a real ending to these movies, you go into the star boys singing and everybody goes out of the theater feeling pumped for the next one. Musical number to table it out. Jimmy he knows. Guillermo very smart. All right, okay. Star boys. Jimmy this is dunking squidge. So yeah tell me more about dunking. Jimmy hes inspired by the monkey from dora the explorer. I was going to say, we might have some issues legally. Jimmy hes got a lightsaber. Hes writing that one down, i think he likes that one. Im going to run it by legal. But yeah. Jimmy you dont have to run these by legal. Okay. Jimmy okay. Bikini chewbacca. Like chewbacca but in a bikini. Uhhuh. Guillermo sexy. Jimmy you dont like it. What if we took the hair off completely and had an alopecia chewbacca . That could possibly be worse. Jimmy you love the idea, alop alopecia chewbacca. No, wasnt actually jimmy it doesnt work . Did i do the hand wrong . Its not the its fictional, it doesnt guillermo like this . No, its not about jimmy no . Sure, yeah, yeah. Jimmy it is working . Yeah, yeah, thats good. Jimmy i feel like the renderings maybe you need to see some of this stuff like for real. I feel liable i got okay, yeah. Jimmy correct me if im wrong, you have three movies, youre going to need three endings. Yeah. Jimmy one for each movie. Sure, yeah, yeah. Jimmy we have an idea. You can use it for any of them. Great. Jimmy id probably save it for the third movie. Because youre not going to be able to top it. Okay. Jimmy its that good. Great. Jimmy so close your eyes if you would. Cover them. Okay. Jimmy guillermo, the lights. Get the thing. Youre not looking, are you . I am not, no. Jimmy okay. Ready . Im very ready. Jimmy open your eyes. Okay. Jimmy i give you 17 fighting yodas. Yoda fighting his own self. Times 17. Isnt that awesome . And it would save you so much money. I can imagine. Jimmy you wouldnt have to do cgi or any of that stuff. Right, its all practical. Jimmy speaking of money how exactly would we work compensation . I guess we could maybe take a cut of the box office . Maybe we could venlo . Basically we could discuss [ cheers and applause ] guillermo do you do parking validations . No. Yoda yoyoyo yoda jimmy i like all of it. Tonight we are allstar wars the last jedi. Well be right back with rian johnson, mark hamill, adam driver and daisy ridley. [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the new 2018 nissan rogue, innovation that excites. Bank of america and red have joined forces in the fight against aids. Together since 2014, weve helped to provide hivpositive mothers in africa access to the lifesaving medication they need to prevent passing the virus to their children, bringing us one step closer to ending aids. Go to bankofamerica. 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Or a winemaker in sonoma suddenly has 1000 bottles too many. Weve got namebrand, topquality groceries priced 4070 off every day. Bargainomics. Thats our Business Model. And our Business Model is. Delicious. Grocery outlet bargain market jimmy hi there, welcome back. Tonight the cast of star wars the last jedi is with us. Please join us next week. We have new shows with chris pratt, tracee ellis ross, neil patrick harris, melissa mccarthy, Margot Robbie and dave franco with music from hanson and the great chris stapleton. Please join us for all that next week. Our first guests tonight are three of the most powerful light saberwielding warriors in the galaxy. And the fourth one is a guy named rian, whos kinda their boss. Star wars the last jedi opens december 15th. Please welcome writerdirector rian johnson and mark hamill, adam driver and daisy ridley. [ cheers

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