[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hi, everybody. it's too much already. thanks. please, sit, relax, relax. welcome to -- [ cheers and applause ] that's very nice. thank you. all right, sit, sit. it's embarrassing. hey, welcome to the howard gillman opera house at the beautiful brooklyn academy of music. isn't it fantastic! [ cheers ] thank you for having us here in brooklyn, new york. thank you for coming out to see us. this is our third time in brooklyn. last time we were here, you people asked, would we ever come back. and i said at that time, only if you promise to open 2,000 new cold press juice shops. and you did. and so here we are. you kept your word and i kept mine. it's especially great to be able to do our show here one last time before they turn it into a whole foods store. so thank you again. [ laughter ] i was born here in brooklyn, i grew up in mill basin. [ cheers and applause ] i went to ps 236 on avenue u and i did my first major drug deal outside the alexander's at the plaza. it's great to be back. do you like our set, by the way? [ applause ] this is a special set built special for you. our crew, there was a play going on here until saturday night. and last show ended around 10:00 on saturday. so our crew flew in from l.a. and met with our other crew from new york, started loading equipment into the theater at 2:00 a.m. yesterday morning. they worked 22 hours straight to set everything up and get it going. they literally had no sleep till brooklyn. [ applause ] that's right, give them a round of applause. if it wasn't for this crew and the miracle of methamphetamines, none of us would be here tonight. [ laughter ] we'd be picking through wiffle balls at modell's right now. no trip anywhere would be complete without my tequila monster. where's guillermo? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: guillermo, is there anything you would like to say to the 2,000 people who gathered here tonight to see you in this ridiculous outfit? >> guillermo: thank you for coming! fuggetabout it! [ applause ] >> jimmy: i know. welcome, guillermo. i want to get real with you for a moment here, if i could. when we decided to bring this show back to brooklyn, of course we wanted to make it special. so the first request my band leader cleto and i made was to a very, very special person, someone we grew up watching every night on tv. someone who dare i say we idolized. a man who has more soul than any canadian that ever crossed over that imaginary line that divides our two great nations. a supernaturally gifted performer who popped from that big red maple leaf to the big red apple we're in the core of right now and never looked back, a legendary music man who for 33 years was the kick at david letterman's side. for 33 years. please welcome mr. paul shaffer. >> thank you, everybody! i'm here all week. i'm doing what we call in show business, a mini residency. my mini residency, all week. i'll be with you, sir. >> jimmy: well, thank you for being our mini resident. >> an awful lot of fun. thanks for having me. >> jimmy: paul shaffer, everybody. fantastic show for you tonight. and all this week. amy schumer is here with us, we have music from lcd soundsystem. and we are #blessed to have dj khaled in the opera house tonight. what's your favorite dj khaled song? >> i like this one ♪ ♪ all i do is win win win no matter what ♪ ♪ money on my mind and i can't get enough ♪ ♪ every i step up in the building ♪ ♪ everybody's hand goes up-a and they stay there and they stay there and they stay there. dj khaled. the best. >> jimmy: we're not going to top that. i also want to mention that in honor of our show being here in brooklyn, all of the jokes you will hear tonight were written in small batches by hand on biodegradable hemp parchment using natural ink sustained from harvested lingonberries. this is all artisanal tonight. one of the great things about taking your show on the road is meeting new people. there are no better people to meet than the people here in brooklyn. so we thought it might be fun to take a smaller version of our show on the actual road. i got a taxi cab and a driver and a little desk and none other than paul shaffer to drive around and find guests to interview for a mini talk show in a taxi here in brooklyn. ♪ [ honking ] >> how are you doing? >> i'm doing okay. >> jimmy: what's your name? >> mamadou. >> hello, mamadou, i'm paul. >> nice to see you. >> jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. let's pick some people up and interview them. what do you say? >> awesome. that's wonderful. >> jimmy: paul, some picking-up music. >> sure. ♪ ♪ jimmy kimmel live! ♪ >> live from my cab, "jimmy kimmel live!" all right. >> jimmy: you know what i hope we get? our customer, is a man with no shirt on. >> we're gonna try. >> jimmy: there's a guy -- him. >> need a cab, sir? >> jimmy: how about her? >> oh, yes, yes. >> jimmy: hi there. >> hello. >> jimmy: our first guest is wearing a pink skirt. >> oh, how you doing? >> jimmy: doing well. what's your name? >> hi, how are you doing? >> jimmy: what's your name? >> alisa hollis. >> jimmy: ladies and gentlemen, alisa hollis. >> a live performance of "jimmy kimmel live." >> jimmy: where are you headed? >> right to highland park. >> jimmy: highland park. everything good? >> everything is good. >> jimmy: any new projects? >> working on my daughter. >> jimmy: how's that going? >> it's a work in progress. you know when your children have children, they don't want you to have too much input. >> jimmy: right. are you -- oh, are you being overbearing grandmother? >> that's what she says. >> jimmy: well, that can happen. can we call your daughter and get to the bottom of what's going on here? >> i would love to speak to her. i think that's really the only way you're going to work things out. people have to communicate. >> jimmy: see that? >> she might get offended. >> jimmy: she might get offended, but she might not. so let me talk to her and we'll see how it goes. just dial her up. >> what's your grandchild's name? >> deron. >> hello? >> jimmy: hi, sharon, it's jimmy kimmel and paul shaffer, we're here with your mom. >> for real. for real. >> jimmy: your mother told me she's been annoying you too much. telling you what to do with your children. and that sometimes you become resentful. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so your mother said she's going to try to understand your point of view and respect that, and in return all she would like is for you to understand that it all comes from a good place. >> she know i love her, but -- >> jimmy: did you love her a little too much? it sounds like. >> maybe. >> jimmy: is that neron in the background? >> yes. >> jimmy: well, she loves him more than she loves you. oh, this is it right here. bye, sharon. thanks so much for being here. glad we could really iron things out, and we'll see you real soon. thank you so much. thanks. >> thank you. [ applause ] ♪ >> we have a customer over here. >> we have a customer over here, yes, yes. i recognize this guy. hey! >> you got to be kidding me. >> jimmy: did you need a ride? >> i'll take the next one. >> jimmy: it's me. >> i'll take the next one. >> go ahead, he's not interested. >> jimmy: bye, biff. >> people change, you know. >> jimmy: you got one? our next guest is wearing a red and white striped shirt. come on in. what is your name? >> my name is emily. oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: please welcome emily. [ laughter ] >> live from my car, "jimmy kimmel live!" >> hi. >> jimmy: buckle up. safety first. how are you? >> i'm good. just back from the pool. >> jimmy: do you have any anecdotes about that? >> i'm a synchronized swimmer. >> jimmy: you are really? >> i am. >> jimmy: where are the other synchronized swimmers? >> i was synchronizing with myself today. >> jimmy: can you synchronize with yourself? >> synchronized swimming is with the music as well as with each other. >> jimmy: what song do you swim to? >> right now, we're swimming to "uptown funk". >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: bruno mars under water. that's something else. >> if i played a little yt uptown funk" could you simulate? >> a land drill? >> jimmy: maybe i'll learn it with you. ♪ ♪ because uptown funk gonna give it to you ♪ ♪ uptown funk gonna give it to you ♪ ♪ don't believe me just watch >> that's it. that's all i can do. >> jimmy: that's pretty good. i have to say. do you have a clip on your phone? >> i do. >> jimmy: would everyone like to see that? >> i'd love to. >> jimmy: mamadou? >> jimmy, you can't see it. but there's an actual synchronized swim going on right now. >> you should check it out. >> jimmy: you guys are swimming exactly the same way. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you, guys. it was fun. ♪ that thing that i want to do >> jimmy: did you know what that is? ♪ may sound crazy but it ain't no lie ♪ ♪ baby bye-bye bye-bye bye-bye >> jimmy: no tip, emily? [ applause ] look who's here, mamadou is here. oh, everybody's here. how about that? thank you guys for riding with us. tonight on the show, music from lcd soundsystem, dj khaled is here and we'll be right back with amy schumer, from the brooklyn academy of music! 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[ applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, amy. >> wow. >> jimmy: what is this? how ya doing? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: thanks for coming. >> i'm your first guest in new york. >> jimmy: you are, indeed. >> well, i mean, i'm honored. >> jimmy: i'm honored. i'm the one who is honored. >> not as honored as me. and i wanted to give you a good luck vase. and this is the only thing i put flowers in in my home. i don't know what you're allowed to travel with. >> jimmy: thank you. this is a vase, you say? >> yeah. did you smell it? >> jimmy: very herbal. >> super herbal. >> jimmy: thank you. almost has a jamaican theme to it. >> it does. yes, it does. >> jimmy: is this a drug bomb? >> what! how dare you. >> jimmy: sorry. didn't mean to assume anything. thank you for coming here and for bringing me this gift. but this is your town, born here, raised here, you live here now. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what cities have you lived in? what boroughs have you lived in? >> isn't it great? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: have you lived in brooklyn? >> i lived in brooklyn, i lived in queens. i was born at lennox hill hospital. represent. lennox hill, what's up? >> jimmy: this is very exciting, this whole thing with steve martin. were you like a theater kid? >> i was. started doing plays when i was 5. >> jimmy: oh, 5? >> yeah, i've been doing them forever. and i know people just think like i stand on the stage and talk about my vaj -- but i also -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, it is on your linkedin profile. >> that's true. which you guys have to join. but i'm superexcited about this because i've been doing tv and movies for a little and you have to not drink as much. >> jimmy: is that true? >> well, in a close-up, here we have the barbara walters lighting so it doesn't matter. but on movies -- [ laughter ] no, she has really good lighting. if you were ever on "the view," you know. you're just eyes and a floating head. >> jimmy: i've never felt more beautiful than on "the view." >> so gorgeous. >> jimmy: i feel like i'm haunting the show. >> i'm like, am i a 10 on "the view"? anyway, you can get hammered and wake up late, it's just a good schedule. >> jimmy: that's a lovely way of approaching it. >> it's good. i'm planning on -- i had a really cool weight gain last winter. has anyone ever had the kind of weight gain, where your coats don't fit? [ laughter ] you know? >> jimmy: planning to have one this week. >> exactly. this is the week to do it. but it's your jeans. they shrunk. but if it's like a pea coat, you can't be like -- it's not like washing your coat. have you ever washed a coat in your life? >> jimmy: i don't know. >> guillermo, have you ever had a coat cleaned? >> no, never. >> he gets it. he doesn't have a coat right now. >> jimmy: does that worry you? >> if i gain or lose weight? >> jimmy: not if you gain or lose weight, just being in a, i don't know, kind of unhealthy situation. >> sure. and especially we're so blessed with the internet that people give you constant feedback on your looks, it's so -- and thank you for mean tweets, promoting it. such a cool time. [ applause ] >> thank you for all of your feedback on my face and body. but sometimes it kind of backfires, i think, on the trolls because the other day somebody tweeted about me. amy schumer's body looks like a bag of mashed potatoes. and i was like, okay, now i need mashed potatoes. you know? and i had them! i haven't had those in a while. >> jimmy: so you saw it as an inspiration? >> yeah. >> jimmy: your brother is here with us tonight? >> yes, he is. >> jimmy: and there's a special reason why your brother is here tonight. >> yeah. >> jimmy: because your brother and are the only two adults that i know who played the bass clarinet. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and your brother is a professional bass clarinet player and he's sitting in with cleto and paul and the guys. [ cheers and applause ] your brother even has like a cd and all. you know, the most popular -- the hottest instrument right now is the bass clarinet, as you can see. >> look at that. >> jimmy: and he's got a quartet and everything. he's going on tour and he's got a website and all this stuff. jason, would you mind sharing a story that perhaps might be embarrassing about your sister, amy, when you were growing up? >> oh you could just play music. >> i'd love to, love to. >> hi jase. >> good to see you. >> yeah, you too. remember when we grew up together? >> yeah, i'm going to focus on that. when i was about 16 -- this story is about amy. i was in the jewish junior olympics playing basketball. >> one person. one person is pretty psyched about that. jewish olympics. [ applause ] >> and we were warming up before the game, shooting lay-ups and i see my sister on the side of the court running out with her arms open at me. and i was like, amy, what's going on? she ran up to me, gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear, jase, i just got my period. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you really are very comfortable. >> i, from the bottom of my heart, did not remember that. [ laughter ] just so you know, that was the first time i got it. i wasn't just going up to tell him about any one. >> jimmy: it was historic. >> yeah. can i say something about that. jase, cover your ears. >> jimmy: sure. >> you can always bum a tampon, you don't need to buy one. because someone will hook you up. >> jimmy: oh, i know. sure. >> so i asked -- i was doing a photo shoot because i'm very beautiful and i'm at the photo shoot and i asked, it was a room of women, because you don't even have to say the words, you can just go, does anybody -- and this girl was like, yeah, i do. and she goes in front of the whole room, what size? [ laughter ] and i'm like, i know there's different sizes of tampons, obviously. but no one's ever confronted me. like what's the circumference of your -- do you have a big hole or do you have a little -- how big is the hole in your body? like, do you have something in a gaping? how about gaping? >> jimmy: on that note, perhaps we'll take a break. amy schumer is here. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live!" in brooklyn are brought to you by kmart. watch tonight for a bluelight special just in time for the holidays. to ibuprofen. was allec and i had fallen asleep... (scrappy barks) (amanda) he was totally freaked out, digging and pawing at me. and when i woke up i realized that i was in anaphylaxis and went to the emergency room. i don't know what i would do if he wasn't there. he's the best boy. (vo) through the subaru share the love event, we've helped the ascpa save nearly forty thousand animals so far. get a new subaru and we'll donate two hundred fifty dollars more to help those in need. (amanda) ♪ put a little love in your heart. ♪ toasting dad: i'm not one but here's to... to many more years of friendship. and feasts! crowd: [laughing, cheering] to presents! a mi familia que lo es todo. ♪ to being right here, right now, with you. sfx: dog bark. and you. toasting dad: i guess what i'm trying to say is, here's to family. we're proud to bring your family amazing value every day. t.j. maxx. marshalls. homegoods. family is the greatest gift. [ cheers and applause ] what if home security was different? what if it looked different? what if the measure of working, was that you never had to think about it. ♪ what if it was so easy to use, you actually used it. [alarm] you have 3 minutes to exit. what if it gave you time, and what you really need from home security. a sense of security. ♪ really? really? really? really? really? see zero in a whole new way. get zero down, zero deposit, zero first month's payment, and zero due at signing on select volkswagen models. now with the people first warranty. >> jimmy: hi there. we are back in brooklyn with amy schumer. amy's brother jason stein is sits -- sitting in with the band on bass clarinet, of all instruments. he tours with you, when you go out and do stand-up? >> that man does arenas. >> jimmy: you've been performing together for some time actually. >> yes, and i couldn't think of about embarrassing stories because you know i don't get embarrassed. but i have a clip of the two of us dancing to michael jackson and i'd like to show. >> jimmy: let's look at it. amy and her brother. ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i can see the chemistry. amy? steve martin himself asked you to be in this play that he wrote. >> yes, he did. >> jimmy: that's the best thing ever, isn't it? >> isn't that crazy? it's the best. >> jimmy: there's nothing better than that. >> no, he's my hero. >> jimmy: well, of course. this is a photograph. tell us what's going on here in this photograph. >> this is a dinner at steve's house. >> jimmy: steve martin's house. >> oh, yeah. i just call him steve. it's crazy. >> jimmy: wow. you guys are close. >> stevie. >> jimmy: edie brickell, jerry seinfeld, you. >> lauren michaels, diane sawyer, dave letterman, paul simon, jessica seinfeld, steve's wife ann, jerry seinfeld, amy does not have a husband. how about that night, huh? >> jimmy: is that like a pot luck thing? >> in a way. >> jimmy: did you bring anything? >> um, yes. oh, i brought a flag whistle for his daughter. >> jimmy: did she like it? >> she did, but it turns out the parents didn't care for that gift at all. >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> they're so fun. for all ages. slide whistle. >> jimmy: has it been fun working with steve on this? have you been working closely with him on this? >> yes. >> jimmy: when did you meet him first? >> i met him about ten years ago. i was co-hosting this music show on the fuse network with mark hopith. >> jimmy: from blink 182? >> yes. from blink 182. i love him. and steve was on with his bluegrass band. and he was so giving. and they have a new album out. you've gotta get it, the long awaited album. [ applause ] >> he would call that a smattering. so anyway, we had to film these promos and it's nice that he was willing to do these promos. and he kept asking for more takes. we thought just give us one. can i do one more? we got to do a bit together. and i walked out into times square and i called my mom and my dad and i cried, telling them that i got to a bit with steve martin. and i did his play in college. and he signed it for me when i met him at the show. >> jimmy: you brought the play? >> i brought it. it had wine all over it. >> jimmy: so he knew. >> little offended by that. >> jimmy: but he knew it had been used. >> wow, this is unbelievable. i can't wait to see it. the previews start at the beginning of november. november 1st, and the official start of the show is november 29th. amy schumer! "media shower" at the theater on broadway. if you want, hang out and see dj khaled. we'll be right back with dj khaled. >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live!" are brought to you by the kmart bluelight special. find amazing deals now at kmart.com. [ "[ all ]" by simon anbees!funkel ] [ all ] bees! the volkswagen atlas. with easy-access 3rd row. life's as big as you make it. verizon and google have teamed up on the pixel 2. it's like verizon is the oil and google is the balsamic. it's more like the google pixel 2 is the unlimited storage. and verizon is the best unlimited plan. i like oil and balsamic. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: first of all, welcome. >> that is the greatest. we in brooklyn right now! >> jimmy: that's true. [ cheers ] >> before you even do your thing, i want to praise you. you're such a great father. you are a great father. and we do the interview and all that, but shout at jimmy because he uses his platform to show love. make us laugh, smile. >> jimmy: thank you. you're very nice. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm so grateful to be here. you know what i'm saying? so many other stars and celebs and other great people that could have been in this chair. look at me, dj khaled live in brooklyn on jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: now there's no one in the chair. >> i'm sorry. we have to go jet skiing soon. >> jimmy: you know i love you. but what people may not realize is that amy paid to charity, donated $50,000 to jet ski with dj khaled. offered this up for the project for red. >> i got a bargain. >> jimmy: have you guys done your jet ski trip yet? >> we talked backstage. >> yeah, we did talk. >> i want to do it. we're going to do it. >> we're doing it! >> jimmy: i want jimmy kimmel to film this and have him on the jet ski too beside us and do the show live in the ocean. >> live in the ocean! >> miami. >> jimmy: i don't think anybody's ever done a show live in the ocean. >> they want us to do a show in the ocean. >> jimmy: they can't stop it. >> they can't keep us out of the ocean. >> jimmy: they can't. it's our ocean. >> i look good tonight, man. >> jimmy: you do look good. >> i always love coming on these shows, because i come on jimmy's show, i get to put my fly outfit on. >> jimmy: you look great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're being honored by the save the music foundation and that's i'm sure a big deal for you. >> definitely. >> jimmy: what is that foundation? >> you know, it's all the blessings that god has given me to work with the young world, with the school and i buy instruments for the school programs. not just one school, but we made a national situation. >> jimmy: that's great. >> it's given so many keys to the young world out there to uplift them, especially through hard times right now, we have to inspire them. so the more wins and the more blessings god gives me, every day i want to do more of just giving to the kids and uplifting them. >> jimmy: speaking of kids and lifting up the kids, your son, who is adorable by the way -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: one of the cutest kids i've ever seen. >> thank you. >> jimmy: he is almost 1. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's the executive producer of your most recent album. >> yes. >> jimmy: he is the only not like he's 1 of 11 executive producers. >> no, the only one. >> jimmy: when is his birthday? >> his birthday is october 23rd. and speaking of him being the executive producer, the album that he's the executive producer on went platinum. >> jimmy: right. >> it went gold in two weeks. you know what i'm saying, my biggest album and my son is my biggest blessing. he's changed my life. man, i'm happy! >> jimmy: yeah. well, you should be. he must be happy. >> i love that boy. speaking of his birthday, he's friends with puff daddy. we're throwing the biggest birthday party for his size. a big party, puff daddy got be involved. me and puff were talking, going to do something big for assad. >> jimmy: does assad care? doesn't he just want a bounce house and not puff daddy? >> you know, he a king. >> he's an executive producer. >> jimmy: doesn't he have to work that day? it's a weekday, isn't it? >> well, right now, you know what i'm saying -- >> jimmy: he's going to take the day off? >> he's gonna take a day off. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and will puff daddy buy him a gift? >> i mean, he doesn't have to. >> jimmy: yes, he does. >> i like that, i like that. he doesn't have to, but i like that. puff, what's going on, boy? >> jimmy: i have a gift just for you and the baby. you were very nice to send me and my son billy matching sweaters. this is the major key to the city. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and in honor of brooklyn, i don't know if it's appropriate for babies, but we got you some hand made artisanal cocoa butter. this is real -- i mean, you rub that stuff on, rub it on the baby. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it is going to be a beautiful thing. >> so many great things happening in brooklyn. you know, i love brooklyn. i love the jamaican food. and i also love, tomorrow we doing a bit with jay-z. >> jimmy: benefit concert. >> help rise up and bless up puerto rico and all the victims from the hurricanes, earthquakes. it's just so much going on. and you know, just to get it all on one stage to donate money and raise money. >> jimmy: it's a big show. huge show. >> jay-z. >> jimmy: jay-z. >> j. lo. >> jimmy: j. lo. >> stevie wonder. >> jimmy: stevie freaking wonder. >> dj khaled. >> jimmy: dj khaled! watch the live stream of "tidal x brooklyn" tomorrow night at 8:00 eastern. we'll be right back! >> dicky: music in brooklyn on "jimmy kimmel live!" is brought to you by mercedes-benz -- the best or nothing. this week on "jimmy kimmel live," howard stern, billy joel, woody harrelson, tracy morgan and paul shaffer. plus music from cardy b. and tony bennett. has crazy low prices. do you know how we do it? - how? - bargainomics! say, if california has a bumper crop and produces too many oranges. or a winemaker in sonoma suddenly has 1000 bottles too many. we've got name-brand, top-quality groceries priced 40-70% off every day. bargainomics. that's our business model. and our business model is... delicious. ♪ grocery outlet bargain market ♪ music in brooklyn on "jimmy kimmel live" is brought to you by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to amy schumer, dj khaled, and paul shaffer, flava flav. and my apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first their album is called "american dream." here with the song "tonite," lcd soundsystem! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ everybody's singing the same song it goes tonight tonight tonight tonight ♪ i never realized these artists thought so much about dying ♪ ♪ but truth be told we all have the same end could make you cry cry cry cry cry ♪ ♪ but i'm telling you this is the best news you're getting all week ♪ my friend matt ♪ ♪ oh sure it's ruling the airwaves ♪ ♪ or what remains of the airwaves ♪ ♪ we're frankly thankful for the market psychology you're hipping us to ♪ ♪ all the hits are saying the same thing ♪ ♪ there's only tonight tonight n tonight tonight ♪ ♪ and life is finite ♪ but it feels like forever it feels like forever ♪ ♪ we're all feeling the same thing ♪ ♪ we're all wild ♪ except for you and you know hue are ♪ ♪ this is a love song ♪ and you're getting older i promise you this you're getting older and there's improvements ♪ ♪ unless you're such a winner ♪ and the future's a nightmare ♪ but there's nothing i can do ♪ there's nothing anyone can do about this ♪ ♪ and oh oh oh ♪ i'm offering you this chance to get even ♪ ♪ but oh oh oh ♪ you know very well the dialect of negation ♪ ♪ sure enemies haunt you with spit and derision but friends are the ones who can put you in an exile ♪ ♪ but that's not right and you're too sharp to be used or you're too shocked from being used ♪ ♪ by these bullying children of the fabulous raffling off limited edition shoes ♪ ♪ and what's it you do again ♪ oh i'm a reminder ♪ the hobbled veteran of the disk shop inquisition ♪ ♪ set to parry the cocksure of mem-stick filth with my own late era ramblings ♪ ♪ middle-aged ramblings every lover favors the same things it's all touch me ♪ ♪ touch me touch me touch me tonight we maybe realize what it is we need before we die ♪ ♪ and luck is always better than skill at things we're flying blind oh good gracious ♪ ♪ i sound like my mom but out of the little rooms and onto the streets you've lost your internet ♪ ♪ and we've lost our memory we had a paper trail that led to our secrets but embarrassing pictures ♪ ♪ have now all been deleted by versions of selves that we thought were the best ones 'till versions of versions ♪ ♪ of others repeating come laughing at everything we thought was important while still making ♪ ♪ mistakes that you thought you had learned from ♪ and terrible people know better than you ♪ ♪ that cost in the long run but they don't know the short game and terrible people know ♪ ♪ better than you the use and abuse of the wants of dear listener so you will be badgered ♪ ♪ and taunted and told that you're missing a party that you'll never get over you hate the idea that ♪ ♪ you're wasting your youth that you stood in the background oh until you got older ♪ ♪ but that's all lies ♪ that's all lies ♪ that's all lies ♪ that's all lies [ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, finally free. an american mother and her family kidnapped by the taliban in afghanistan. her story of being beaten and raped in front of her son. how they kept their children alive through five years in captivity. and the hard question for this husband and father. >> what were you thinking when you took your wife there in first place? why would you take her into taliban territory? >> plus charles manson, one of america's most notorious killers, dead at age 83. a look back at the infamous cult leader who became a national symbol of evil. and rolling in dough. inside the new brooklyn bakery with luxury loaves costing $20. how they're going against the grain to h

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