Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20171103 : comparemela

Jennifer hello, Everyone Welcome to Jimmy Kimmel Live. [ cheers and applause ] okay, okay. Shut up i am your guest host for the night, Jennifer Lawrence. I am the fourth and final guest host of the week. Jimmy will be back on monday, so until then, it is up to me to save health care. [ laughter ] as i was getting ready for the show this afternoon i suddenly got very nervous about hosting. Then i remembered the advice my mom gave me about overcoming stage fright. So i drank an entire box of chardonnay and i feel much better. [ cheers and applause ] it was an honor to be asked to fill in for jimmy tonight. I was so excited to do this, i told the producers, i dont even want my money for this. And they said, no, jennifer, we insist on paying you. 29 less than the male guest hosts. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i know it might be weird to see me up here. I am an mtv best kiss award winner. [ laughter ] but i really am a regular person, i dont get caught up in all the celebrity bs, i dont care that ive never been named people magazines most beautiful woman in the world, or that Julia Roberts has gotten it five times. I think there would be like some kind of limit. [ laughter ] but this is fun. Guest hosting a talk show is kind like the hollywood equivalent of house sitting. You swing by, you check the mail, you feed the guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer hi, guillermo. Guillermo hi. Jennifer whos been the best guest host this week . Guillermo of course you. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer hes full of [ bleep ] but ill let it slide because i know how sad you are about the dodgers. Guillermo i know. Jennifer did you guys watch the game last night . Dodgers lost a heartbreaker to the astros. The people of l. A. Havent been this disappointed with a pitcher since Gwyneth Paltrow made quinoa lemonade. [ laughter ] the good news is that most dodger fans were able to put a positive spin on the whole thing. Next year. Next year. That was about the only comment dodger fans made as they came out of the stadium in stunned silence. I cant even talk. Im kind of speechless right now. The next time theres a world series, im not going to be alive, okay . [ laughter ] jennifer not with that attitude. [ laughter ] congratulations to the astros. They not only won the championship, but a oneinalifetime chance to turn down the visit to the white house. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. My other obsession lord jesus god Kim Kardashian is here. [ cheers and applause ] i recently went over to kims house for dinner, which was the best night of my life. I drank five martinis and wound up naked in her closet. Im dead serious, ill ask her about it. Im excited to be hosting a talk show on hollywood boulevard. Ive always dreamed of working three doors down from a wetzels pretzels. I have to admit im on edge after this ktla news report from right outside this very theater. Its the case of the 25,000 herpes sore. And it could happen to you. [ laughter ] jennifer for the record, ive never had to pay for herpes. [ laughter ] if i did, it would kill me, because im cheap and a hypochondriac. Despite the threat of highpriced herpes, i wanted to mingle with some of the locals while i was here in hollywood. So i came up with a simple game. I ran up to people on the street and asked them to name five movies ive been in. Simple if you have low enough selfesteem. [ laughter ] the point was to put them on the spot and humiliate myself. And guess what . Both happened. Jennifer can you please oh my god jennifer name five movies Jennifer Lawrence has been in. With you in front of me i cant think of any jennifer can you name five Jennifer Lawrence movies . Oh, gosh. Please jennifer lady, for the love of god i know, i know, ive seen i know your movies jennifer did you see that mov movie . No. Jennifer no . Didnt see it . No. Jennifer did you know who Jennifer Lawrence is . This is the worst day of my life. Jennifer lawrence. Nope. Jennifer hey. Hey, whats up . Jennifer whats up . Do you smoke weed . Sometimes. Jennifer yeah . Yeah. Jennifer when you smoke weed, do you ever watch Jennifer Lawrence movies . No. Jennifer cool. Me neither. Can you name five Jennifer Lawrence movies . Five Jennifer Lawrence movies . Jennifer i know. Who is that bitch . Jennifer aniston could i tell you. Jennifer Jennifer Aniston is way lert than Jennifer Lawrence, do you agree . Yeah. Jennifer much better. I love her. Jennifer prettier, funnier. Yes. Jennifer better movies. Yes, yes, i love her. Jennifer yeah, overall. Yeah, great. Jennifer im Jennifer Lawrence. Oh. Jennifer can you name five Jennifer Lawrence movies . What . Oh my gosh. The one with the woman whos one word kind of like happy jennifer one word. Joy. Jennifer yes american hustle. Jennifer yes im not sure hungry . The hunger games. Jennifer i was in one of those. Definitely the blue you were like the blue jennifer yeah, yeah, xmen. A space one . Jennifer yeah, there was a space one. The hot guy. Jennifer yeah the hot guy. Its the coldest season of the year christmas, wintertime. Jennifer ill just go [ bleep ] myself, dont worry about it. Can you guys name any Jennifer Lawrence movie at all . Jennifer Lawrence Jennifer anybody know where Jennifer Lawrences house is . Oh jennifer can anyone name five movies ive been in . Hunger games. American hustle. Thats what i was going to say. Joy. Jennifer bye, guys. I see these vans drive by my neighborhood, so if you see somebody in a tesla giving you the finger, thats me. Guillermo, can you name five movies ive been in . Guillermo five movies . Jennifer five movies ive been in, not just five movies. Guillermo the hunger games. Jennifer thats a movie. Guillermo joy. Jennifer wow, youre doing well. Guillermo xmen. Jennifer oh my god. Guillermo passengers. Jennifer oh my god. Guillermo winters bone. Jennifer great work. Im so honored youre my biggest fan. Guillermo i love your movies and i love you too. Jennifer oh, shut the [ bleep ] up. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer i do love you, guillermo. We have to take a break. When we come back, parents tell their kids they ate all their halloween candy, so stick around [ cheers and applause ] its exactly what i asked for. Let out your inner child at the lexus december to remember sales event. Lease the 2017 rc turbo for 299 a month for 36 months. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. At ally, we offer a credit card with unlimited cash back. But if thats not enough, we offer a 10 deposit bonus into an ally account. And if thats not enough to help you save, we could help you cut the cord. Thats right. Cancel it. What about my reality shows . Ok, if thats not enough, well give you reality. This is too real maybe a comedy . Alright, how about a comedian . Arsenio . Aint nothing funny about laundry well do anything, seriously anything, to help your money grow. People just walking in my house. Ally. Do it right. In the mirror everyday. When i look when i look in the mirror everyday. Everyday, i think how fortunate i am. I think is today going to be the day, that we find a cure . I think how much i can do to help change peoples lives. I may not benefit from those breakthroughs, but im sure going to. Im bringing forward a treatment for alzheimers disease, yes, in my lifetime, i will make sure. Hurry in get thousands of styles from just five dollars right now at old navy. Jennifer welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. I am your guest host Jennifer Lawrence. [ cheers and applause ] music from linkin bridge is on the way. As is Kim Kardashian west [ cheers and applause ] okay, so we have something for you that is both a trick and a treat. Every year jimmy invites parents to pretend they ate all their kids halloween candy. Once again those evil parents delivered in a huge and bigly way. So here it is, the seventh annual hey jimmy kimmel i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy sad. Remember how we went trickortreating last night . Yeah. Guess what . What . Mommy and daddy got so hungry, we ate all of it. Mommy ate it all up. No spit it out spit it out of your tummy i ate all your candy. Aah there was m ms, there was reeses stop it there was this big bag that the fire truck guy gave no last night, daddy ate all your halloween candy. You hear me . I dont like you eating all my candy. Well, im sorry. Youre selfish. Youre selfish. I was so hungry. You just have to ate more lunch. We ate all your halloween candy. Its fine. Thats okay. You can do that, whatever you want to. Im really sorry. Can i get you some more . Aahhh im sorry, i ate your candy, all gone. Yep, and thats why i dont love you anymore. I want more candy in that bucket right now sorry, pal. Not gone. Its all gone. Ooh i ate all your candy last night. Thats all right. I forgive you. Really . Aww wait a minute wait a minute what . I think youre trying to trick me. Were not. Jimmy kimmel told me to do this to you. Why . I dont know, why he wanted me to prank you. Well, i i ill beat him up. Youre going to beat jimmy kimmel up . Yeah i ate it all. Im sorry. [ bleep ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jennifer sorry, kids. Well be right back with Kim Kardashian west [ cheers and applause ] lets get the big guy in place. The ford yearend sales event is here. I can guide you in . No, thanks , santa, i got this. Looks a little tight. Perfect fit. Santa needs an f150. Thats ford, americas best selling brand. Hurry in today for 0 financing for 72 months across the full line of ford cars, trucks and suvs and just announced. Get 0 apr for 72 months plus 1000 cash back take advantage of these exclusive holiday offers during the ford year end sales event. Sfx tsfx feet shufflingc life can change in an instant. Be covered when it does. With a health plan through covered california. We offer free expert help choosing the best plan for you. And all of our plans include free preventive care. Financial help is available, so check for yourself to see what savings you qualify for. For Health Insurance starting january 1st, enroll by december 15th. Because you never know when life. Will change. Get covered today. Accused of obstructing justice to theat the fbinuclear war, and of violating the constitution by taking money from foreign governments and threatening to shut down news organizations that report the truth. If that isnt a case for impeaching and removing a dangerous president , then what has our government become . Im tom steyer, and like you, im a citizen who knows its up to us to do something. Its why im funding this effort to raise our voices together and demand that elected officials take a stand on impeachment. A Republican Congress once impeached a president for far less. Yet today people in congress and his own administration know that this president is a clear and present danger whos mentally unstable and armed with nuclear weapons. And they do nothing. Join us and tell your member of congress that they have a moral responsibility to stop doing whats political and start doing whats right. Our country depends on it. Jennifer welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live. I am your guest host and new best friend, Jennifer Lawrence. [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show for you tonight. I hand selected our musical guest this evening. Theyre an a Capella Group from my home state of kentucky. Linkin bridge from the mercedesbenz stage. [ cheers and applause ] okay, lets do this. I have been obsessed with our first guest and her family for over a decade in a very healthy way. [ laughter ] she is the queen of reality tv, social media, and now, cosmetics, too, with her company kkw beauty. Please welcome Kim Kardashian west. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer so, are you excited . Im excited. Buckle down and get comfortable. My first question, do you think its a coincidence that reggie bushs wife looks just like you . I dont. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is going to be fun. Jennifer so ive been obsessed with you probably not for you. Ive been obsessed with you for a really long time. Can you remember the first time we met . I do, actually. We were at jennifer oh my god. We were at a hotel in new york. And i dont know where we were coming from, but it was late. We were going up to see this axl gevort suite at the greenwich. Im getting in the elevator with kanye, the doors about to close, i hear jennifer screaming i love your show. Across the lobby. Jennifer that was the same hotel where i was taking off my bra under my shirt and kanye tapped me on the shoulder. I was like, what . Oh my god so recently i went over to your moms house for dinner. Yes. Jennifer it was ever i could have ever credreamed of. Was it . Jennifer yeah. [ laughter ] because i have to say, so jennifer came over for dinner like two weeks ago. Jennifer yeah. Ive never seen my mom more drunk in our lives. Jennifer i was way more drunk than your mom. You take it easy on your mother. Not possible. It was it was so funny. Ive never seen this jennifer no. Dont even remember. [ cheers and applause ] at that point it was like two they had like a few too many drinks for my taste. Jennifer yeah. Well, you were drinking tea. [ laughter ] so i understand. And i remember getting naked in your moms closet and ordering you to dress me. Yes. Jennifer you dressed me fabulously. I looked amazing as you could see in that video. Is my memory correct, did you call kanye to come up in the closet . Did you want him to style me . You said, im not joking, i really want kanye to style me. So i said okay, and i come back in and youre fully buck naked. I get on the intercom and tell him to not come upstairs. And we put on one of my moms dresses and you wore it throughout the whole dinner. Jennifer oh, i have it. I went home in it. [ laughter ] do you and kanye like fart in front of each other or talk about farts . [ laughter ] do you fart in front of him . I dont fart, what are you talking about . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jennifer theres no real good way to segue into that. I was just thinking, because i asked you to get me gasx, i remember kanye looking down the table like, oh my god, she farts i had one of those stabbing gas pains in the back of my ribs. You did. Jennifer because i was so excited. [ laughter ] i feel like i know you so well now. Jennifer yeah, inside and out. [ laughter ] yeah. So one thing that a lot of people might not know if they havent watched every single episode from the time the show started is that you run instagram and social media, but youre also a bona fide hacker. Totally. Im retired. Im fully retired. Jennifer tell me about those days. Yeah, i used to be like the goto spy that everyone would call and try to get info on their boyfriends or husbands or whatever. Jennifer how did you get it . What did you do . I just probably was in a really insecure, untrusting relationship, and i had to use jennifer oh, that far back. Its far back. Its not like that anymore. I dont hack anymore. Jennifer kanye doesnt have a password on his phone. Yeah, no, he doesnt. But actually, we shouldnt say that. He does, people. [ laughter ] jennifer oh, yeah, yeah. He doesnt have pictures in his phone, so youre good, you can take his phone. There is this service that i figured out that you can call someones number and make it look like its anyone elses number calling them. So what i figured out is how to get into the voice mail system is if you call the number, but make it look like its your own number calling. It tricks the system and gets right into the voice mail system. Were screwed now that theres texting. Because no one leaves voice mails anymore. Jennifer right, yeah. But i got all the dirt back in the day. Jennifer total creeps are screwed. I got major dirt back in the day. Jennifer wow. Do you think you could like hack like a president s twitter and maybe like stop a war . Like you could save the world. [ laughter ] in theory. Kind of like that game we were playing at the house, remember . Jennifer i dont remember. [ laughter ] you were like, okay, if you could save the world, who would you rather sleep with . Donald trump or kim jongun . Jennifer oh, who did you say . I think we were just laughing so hard we didnt choose. Jennifer oh, thats i would have made you choose. I get very aggress whiff im drunk. Yeah. Jennifer i probably put you in some sort of hold where you were going to pass out. [ laughter ] yeah, no, i dont know if we chose. Jennifer another random question. Does khloe is khloe like in on you being subtly rude to her . Or ow just subtly rude . What do you mean . [ laughter ] like about her style . Jennifer yeah. [ applause ] i love khloe jennifer no, of course you do. We go through periods and her and i are really vibing right now. Yeah, im just maybe i was rude about her style. Jennifer okay. But i love her style, really. Jennifer i dont have a sister so i dont know how it works. Its a freeforall. You can say anything. Jennifer to be honest, if you had styled my suitcase i would have probably been like, sick. If id already packed it, i would have been annoyed. She unpack the it. Jennifer you put all the work in. The polaroid was a really nice touch. I wanted to for this show, i couldnt stop having ideas. I wanted you to come and like organize my closet and stuff. I will, eye come over and organize, polaroids and all. Jennifer please do. Okay, wait wait, what do i okay. I made you something but i dont know if we have enough time what should i do . Just wrap up the conversation and go to break jennifer okay, when we come back no, wrap up the conversation. Okay, kim. [ laughter ] ha ha ha ha ha ha ha very funny stuff. When we come back, i have many deeply personal questions i need to ask kim. [ cheers and applause ] dicky next week on Everyone Welcome<\/a> to Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a>. [ cheers and applause ] okay, okay. Shut up i am your guest host for the night, Jennifer Lawrence<\/a>. I am the fourth and final guest host of the week. Jimmy will be back on monday, so until then, it is up to me to save health care. [ laughter ] as i was getting ready for the show this afternoon i suddenly got very nervous about hosting. Then i remembered the advice my mom gave me about overcoming stage fright. So i drank an entire box of chardonnay and i feel much better. [ cheers and applause ] it was an honor to be asked to fill in for jimmy tonight. I was so excited to do this, i told the producers, i dont even want my money for this. And they said, no, jennifer, we insist on paying you. 29 less than the male guest hosts. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i know it might be weird to see me up here. I am an mtv best kiss award winner. [ laughter ] but i really am a regular person, i dont get caught up in all the celebrity bs, i dont care that ive never been named people magazines most beautiful woman in the world, or that Julia Roberts<\/a> has gotten it five times. I think there would be like some kind of limit. [ laughter ] but this is fun. Guest hosting a talk show is kind like the hollywood equivalent of house sitting. You swing by, you check the mail, you feed the guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer hi, guillermo. Guillermo hi. Jennifer whos been the best guest host this week . Guillermo of course you. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer hes full of [ bleep ] but ill let it slide because i know how sad you are about the dodgers. Guillermo i know. Jennifer did you guys watch the game last night . Dodgers lost a heartbreaker to the astros. The people of l. A. Havent been this disappointed with a pitcher since Gwyneth Paltrow<\/a> made quinoa lemonade. [ laughter ] the good news is that most dodger fans were able to put a positive spin on the whole thing. Next year. Next year. That was about the only comment dodger fans made as they came out of the stadium in stunned silence. I cant even talk. Im kind of speechless right now. The next time theres a world series, im not going to be alive, okay . [ laughter ] jennifer not with that attitude. [ laughter ] congratulations to the astros. They not only won the championship, but a oneinalifetime chance to turn down the visit to the white house. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. My other obsession lord jesus god Kim Kardashian<\/a> is here. [ cheers and applause ] i recently went over to kims house for dinner, which was the best night of my life. I drank five martinis and wound up naked in her closet. Im dead serious, ill ask her about it. Im excited to be hosting a talk show on hollywood boulevard. Ive always dreamed of working three doors down from a wetzels pretzels. I have to admit im on edge after this ktla news report from right outside this very theater. Its the case of the 25,000 herpes sore. And it could happen to you. [ laughter ] jennifer for the record, ive never had to pay for herpes. [ laughter ] if i did, it would kill me, because im cheap and a hypochondriac. Despite the threat of highpriced herpes, i wanted to mingle with some of the locals while i was here in hollywood. So i came up with a simple game. I ran up to people on the street and asked them to name five movies ive been in. Simple if you have low enough selfesteem. [ laughter ] the point was to put them on the spot and humiliate myself. And guess what . Both happened. Jennifer can you please oh my god jennifer name five movies Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> has been in. With you in front of me i cant think of any jennifer can you name five Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> movies . Oh, gosh. Please jennifer lady, for the love of god i know, i know, ive seen i know your movies jennifer did you see that mov movie . No. Jennifer no . Didnt see it . No. Jennifer did you know who Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> is . This is the worst day of my life. Jennifer lawrence. Nope. Jennifer hey. Hey, whats up . Jennifer whats up . Do you smoke weed . Sometimes. Jennifer yeah . Yeah. Jennifer when you smoke weed, do you ever watch Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> movies . No. Jennifer cool. Me neither. Can you name five Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> movies . Five Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> movies . Jennifer i know. Who is that bitch . Jennifer aniston could i tell you. Jennifer Jennifer Aniston<\/a> is way lert than Jennifer Lawrence<\/a>, do you agree . Yeah. Jennifer much better. I love her. Jennifer prettier, funnier. Yes. Jennifer better movies. Yes, yes, i love her. Jennifer yeah, overall. Yeah, great. Jennifer im Jennifer Lawrence<\/a>. Oh. Jennifer can you name five Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> movies . What . Oh my gosh. The one with the woman whos one word kind of like happy jennifer one word. Joy. Jennifer yes american hustle. Jennifer yes im not sure hungry . The hunger games. Jennifer i was in one of those. Definitely the blue you were like the blue jennifer yeah, yeah, xmen. A space one . Jennifer yeah, there was a space one. The hot guy. Jennifer yeah the hot guy. Its the coldest season of the year christmas, wintertime. Jennifer ill just go [ bleep ] myself, dont worry about it. Can you guys name any Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> movie at all . Jennifer Lawrence Jennifer<\/a> anybody know where Jennifer Lawrence<\/a>s house is . Oh jennifer can anyone name five movies ive been in . Hunger games. American hustle. Thats what i was going to say. Joy. Jennifer bye, guys. I see these vans drive by my neighborhood, so if you see somebody in a tesla giving you the finger, thats me. Guillermo, can you name five movies ive been in . Guillermo five movies . Jennifer five movies ive been in, not just five movies. Guillermo the hunger games. Jennifer thats a movie. Guillermo joy. Jennifer wow, youre doing well. Guillermo xmen. Jennifer oh my god. Guillermo passengers. Jennifer oh my god. Guillermo winters bone. Jennifer great work. Im so honored youre my biggest fan. Guillermo i love your movies and i love you too. Jennifer oh, shut the [ bleep ] up. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer i do love you, guillermo. We have to take a break. When we come back, parents tell their kids they ate all their halloween candy, so stick around [ cheers and applause ] its exactly what i asked for. Let out your inner child at the lexus december to remember sales event. Lease the 2017 rc turbo for 299 a month for 36 months. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. At ally, we offer a credit card with unlimited cash back. But if thats not enough, we offer a 10 deposit bonus into an ally account. And if thats not enough to help you save, we could help you cut the cord. Thats right. Cancel it. What about my reality shows . Ok, if thats not enough, well give you reality. This is too real maybe a comedy . Alright, how about a comedian . Arsenio . Aint nothing funny about laundry well do anything, seriously anything, to help your money grow. People just walking in my house. Ally. Do it right. In the mirror everyday. When i look when i look in the mirror everyday. Everyday, i think how fortunate i am. I think is today going to be the day, that we find a cure . I think how much i can do to help change peoples lives. I may not benefit from those breakthroughs, but im sure going to. Im bringing forward a treatment for alzheimers disease, yes, in my lifetime, i will make sure. Hurry in get thousands of styles from just five dollars right now at old navy. Jennifer welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a>. I am your guest host Jennifer Lawrence<\/a>. [ cheers and applause ] music from linkin bridge is on the way. As is Kim Kardashian<\/a> west [ cheers and applause ] okay, so we have something for you that is both a trick and a treat. Every year jimmy invites parents to pretend they ate all their kids halloween candy. Once again those evil parents delivered in a huge and bigly way. So here it is, the seventh annual hey jimmy kimmel i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy sad. Remember how we went trickortreating last night . Yeah. Guess what . What . Mommy and daddy got so hungry, we ate all of it. Mommy ate it all up. No spit it out spit it out of your tummy i ate all your candy. Aah there was m ms, there was reeses stop it there was this big bag that the fire truck guy gave no last night, daddy ate all your halloween candy. You hear me . I dont like you eating all my candy. Well, im sorry. Youre selfish. Youre selfish. I was so hungry. You just have to ate more lunch. We ate all your halloween candy. Its fine. Thats okay. You can do that, whatever you want to. Im really sorry. Can i get you some more . Aahhh im sorry, i ate your candy, all gone. Yep, and thats why i dont love you anymore. I want more candy in that bucket right now sorry, pal. Not gone. Its all gone. Ooh i ate all your candy last night. Thats all right. I forgive you. Really . Aww wait a minute wait a minute what . I think youre trying to trick me. Were not. Jimmy kimmel told me to do this to you. Why . I dont know, why he wanted me to prank you. Well, i i ill beat him up. Youre going to beat jimmy kimmel up . Yeah i ate it all. Im sorry. [ bleep ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jennifer sorry, kids. Well be right back with Kim Kardashian<\/a> west [ cheers and applause ] lets get the big guy in place. The ford yearend sales event is here. I can guide you in . No, thanks , santa, i got this. Looks a little tight. Perfect fit. Santa needs an f150. Thats ford, americas best selling brand. Hurry in today for 0 financing for 72 months across the full line of ford cars, trucks and suvs and just announced. Get 0 apr for 72 months plus 1000 cash back take advantage of these exclusive holiday offers during the ford year end sales event. Sfx tsfx feet shufflingc life can change in an instant. Be covered when it does. With a health plan through covered california. We offer free expert help choosing the best plan for you. And all of our plans include free preventive care. Financial help is available, so check for yourself to see what savings you qualify for. For Health Insurance<\/a> starting january 1st, enroll by december 15th. Because you never know when life. Will change. Get covered today. Accused of obstructing justice to theat the fbinuclear war, and of violating the constitution by taking money from foreign governments and threatening to shut down news organizations that report the truth. If that isnt a case for impeaching and removing a dangerous president , then what has our government become . Im tom steyer, and like you, im a citizen who knows its up to us to do something. Its why im funding this effort to raise our voices together and demand that elected officials take a stand on impeachment. A Republican Congress<\/a> once impeached a president for far less. Yet today people in congress and his own administration know that this president is a clear and present danger whos mentally unstable and armed with nuclear weapons. And they do nothing. Join us and tell your member of congress that they have a moral responsibility to stop doing whats political and start doing whats right. Our country depends on it. Jennifer welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a>. I am your guest host and new best friend, Jennifer Lawrence<\/a>. [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show for you tonight. I hand selected our musical guest this evening. Theyre an a Capella Group<\/a> from my home state of kentucky. Linkin bridge from the mercedesbenz stage. [ cheers and applause ] okay, lets do this. I have been obsessed with our first guest and her family for over a decade in a very healthy way. [ laughter ] she is the queen of reality tv, social media, and now, cosmetics, too, with her company kkw beauty. Please welcome Kim Kardashian<\/a> west. [ cheers and applause ] jennifer so, are you excited . Im excited. Buckle down and get comfortable. My first question, do you think its a coincidence that reggie bushs wife looks just like you . I dont. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is going to be fun. Jennifer so ive been obsessed with you probably not for you. Ive been obsessed with you for a really long time. Can you remember the first time we met . I do, actually. We were at jennifer oh my god. We were at a hotel in new york. And i dont know where we were coming from, but it was late. We were going up to see this axl gevort suite at the greenwich. Im getting in the elevator with kanye, the doors about to close, i hear jennifer screaming i love your show. Across the lobby. Jennifer that was the same hotel where i was taking off my bra under my shirt and kanye tapped me on the shoulder. I was like, what . Oh my god so recently i went over to your moms house for dinner. Yes. Jennifer it was ever i could have ever credreamed of. Was it . Jennifer yeah. [ laughter ] because i have to say, so jennifer came over for dinner like two weeks ago. Jennifer yeah. Ive never seen my mom more drunk in our lives. Jennifer i was way more drunk than your mom. You take it easy on your mother. Not possible. It was it was so funny. Ive never seen this jennifer no. Dont even remember. [ cheers and applause ] at that point it was like two they had like a few too many drinks for my taste. Jennifer yeah. Well, you were drinking tea. [ laughter ] so i understand. And i remember getting naked in your moms closet and ordering you to dress me. Yes. Jennifer you dressed me fabulously. I looked amazing as you could see in that video. Is my memory correct, did you call kanye to come up in the closet . Did you want him to style me . You said, im not joking, i really want kanye to style me. So i said okay, and i come back in and youre fully buck naked. I get on the intercom and tell him to not come upstairs. And we put on one of my moms dresses and you wore it throughout the whole dinner. Jennifer oh, i have it. I went home in it. [ laughter ] do you and kanye like fart in front of each other or talk about farts . [ laughter ] do you fart in front of him . I dont fart, what are you talking about . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jennifer theres no real good way to segue into that. I was just thinking, because i asked you to get me gasx, i remember kanye looking down the table like, oh my god, she farts i had one of those stabbing gas pains in the back of my ribs. You did. Jennifer because i was so excited. [ laughter ] i feel like i know you so well now. Jennifer yeah, inside and out. [ laughter ] yeah. So one thing that a lot of people might not know if they havent watched every single episode from the time the show started is that you run instagram and social media, but youre also a bona fide hacker. Totally. Im retired. Im fully retired. Jennifer tell me about those days. Yeah, i used to be like the goto spy that everyone would call and try to get info on their boyfriends or husbands or whatever. Jennifer how did you get it . What did you do . I just probably was in a really insecure, untrusting relationship, and i had to use jennifer oh, that far back. Its far back. Its not like that anymore. I dont hack anymore. Jennifer kanye doesnt have a password on his phone. Yeah, no, he doesnt. But actually, we shouldnt say that. He does, people. [ laughter ] jennifer oh, yeah, yeah. He doesnt have pictures in his phone, so youre good, you can take his phone. There is this service that i figured out that you can call someones number and make it look like its anyone elses number calling them. So what i figured out is how to get into the voice mail system is if you call the number, but make it look like its your own number calling. It tricks the system and gets right into the voice mail system. Were screwed now that theres texting. Because no one leaves voice mails anymore. Jennifer right, yeah. But i got all the dirt back in the day. Jennifer total creeps are screwed. I got major dirt back in the day. Jennifer wow. Do you think you could like hack like a president s twitter and maybe like stop a war . Like you could save the world. [ laughter ] in theory. Kind of like that game we were playing at the house, remember . Jennifer i dont remember. [ laughter ] you were like, okay, if you could save the world, who would you rather sleep with . Donald trump or kim jongun . Jennifer oh, who did you say . I think we were just laughing so hard we didnt choose. Jennifer oh, thats i would have made you choose. I get very aggress whiff im drunk. Yeah. Jennifer i probably put you in some sort of hold where you were going to pass out. [ laughter ] yeah, no, i dont know if we chose. Jennifer another random question. Does khloe is khloe like in on you being subtly rude to her . Or ow just subtly rude . What do you mean . [ laughter ] like about her style . Jennifer yeah. [ applause ] i love khloe jennifer no, of course you do. We go through periods and her and i are really vibing right now. Yeah, im just maybe i was rude about her style. Jennifer okay. But i love her style, really. Jennifer i dont have a sister so i dont know how it works. Its a freeforall. You can say anything. Jennifer to be honest, if you had styled my suitcase i would have probably been like, sick. If id already packed it, i would have been annoyed. She unpack the it. Jennifer you put all the work in. The polaroid was a really nice touch. I wanted to for this show, i couldnt stop having ideas. I wanted you to come and like organize my closet and stuff. I will, eye come over and organize, polaroids and all. Jennifer please do. Okay, wait wait, what do i okay. I made you something but i dont know if we have enough time what should i do . Just wrap up the conversation and go to break jennifer okay, when we come back no, wrap up the conversation. Okay, kim. [ laughter ] ha ha ha ha ha ha ha very funny stuff. When we come back, i have many deeply personal questions i need to ask kim. [ cheers and applause ] dicky next week on Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a>, idris elba, carey mulligan, jim carrey, josh hutcher son, gail garcia bernal, jesse williams, Dale Earnhardt<\/a> jr. Plus music from brad paisley and john foeg every, darius rucker, luke combs, and dan auerbach. Thats next week on Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a>. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. I look back on my life and i know what it was for. What if i struggled. What if i sacrificed. And what if i swore id succeed. So you could wake up one day with the choice to be anything you wanted. Well then, my great granddaughter. It would all be worth it. Dude. Yodude. Unchings stheyre just jealous. Kelloggs raisin bran crunch with crunchy clusters and the taste of apples and strawberries. I got one guess were having cereal for dinner. Kelloggs raisin bran crunch apple strawberry. This is google home mini. Its the Google Assistant<\/a> for your house, so it gets you. If you mumble. minions gibberish it gets you. If you talk like this add worcestershire sauce to my cart. It still gets you. Gh ok adding now. And if youre like hey google, play my love playlist. truly madly deeply by Savage Garden<\/a> plays oh really . Play my love playlist. pony ginuwine plays oh yeah. It also knows the difference between you and him. Its google home mini, and the rest of the google home family. Givwith an extra 20 off s cozy up with holiday jammies and plush throws. Save on a keurig coffee maker plus, only at kohls get kohls cash to spend on your next purchase. Presents for them kohls cash for you give joy, get joy at kohls. People spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. Gentle, nonhabit forming advil pm. For a healing nights sleep. We can now use a blood sample to detect lung cancer. If we can do that, imagine what we can do for asthma. And if we can stop seizures in epilepsy patients with a small pacemaker for the brain, imagine what we can do for multiple sclerosis, even migraines. If we can use patients genes to predict Heart Disease<\/a> in their families, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Imagine what we can do for you. Jennifer welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a>. Im Jennifer Lawrence<\/a> here with Kim Kardashian<\/a> west [ cheers and applause ] to talk about her cosmetic line, kkw. This is one of her products which i think i have. [ laughter ] oh, never mind, no, i dont have that. This is for blush . Its for contour. Blending contour. Jennifer conturbulenting. Yes, not what you think it is. Jennifer not at all what i thought it was for. You know what [ rim shot. I never thought all my things are like flesh color. So i get it. But thats not really the color of it wasnt necessarily the fresh color that made me think it was a dill dough. [ laughter ] i visually see darker colors. Jennifer ah. [ cheers and applause ] thats what comes to mind, when i was posting it on social media i was like, [ bleep ], this looks like a dill dough. Jennifer yeah, i didnt notice because it was so white. So to move on from dill doughs. Which i dont want to do. [ laughter ] you have youre hosting your Famous Family<\/a> Christmas Card<\/a> this year. It is making a return. Jennifer i notice ive never been in one. You are welcome. Jennifer okay, good. I took the liberty of putting myself in one already. Oh jennifer this i drew myself. [ cheers and applause ] if you like that, youre going to love the fan art that i made you. This is us. Oh my god [ cheers and applause ] jennifer this is you, this is me. My eyes are closed in complete bliss. I love it. Jennifer so you can keep this. Yay im going to frame this. Jennifer yeah, you should. On your fridge . Okay, can i get to my deeply personal question card . Yes. Jennifer okay, great. Well, actually this is a total side note. What do you think about selena getting back together with justin . I think its so cute. Jennifer okay. All right. [ laughter ] what do you think . Jennifer i dont know what to think. Who of all of your sisters lost their virginity first . [ laughter ] probably me. Jennifer really, i thought you were going to say kourtney. No it wasnt kourtney. Jennifer have you ever been cheated on . Yes. Jennifer how did you find out . My hacking skills. Jennifer nice yeah. I got into the voice mail thing. And it was on my birthday. I was at dinner with all of my best friends. Put it on speaker board wondering like where my boyfriend was. His voice mail, he was flying in town to meet another girl on my birthday, lied to me that he was in a different city. Jennifer oh my god, thats like a taylor swift song [ laughter ] oh my god, thats awful, im sorry that happened. Did you marry him . [ laughter ] how many exboyfriends are still on your phone . Only one. Jennifer okay. Yeah. And, you know, super friendly, he lives right across the street from kourtney. We never, you know, really talk. But the nicest family. I went to his wedding. And yeah. Jennifer great. Okay, on the count of three, i want us both to name your craziest exboyfriend. My craziest . Jennifer your craziest exboyfriend. Okay. Jennifer one, two three Kris Humphries<\/a> [ laughter ] all of them. Jennifer you got me. What is the most incorrect rumor youve ever heard of yourself . I dont know, i start to like believe in them all, theres so many. Jennifer i know. I just dont even know. Jennifer i know, its so overwhelming. Whenever i get asked that question my eyes go crossed. Its everything. After a while, like there was footage that i had blamed donald trump for all the hurricanes in the world. Like after i saw the ninth headline i was like, did i . [ laughter ] but i didnt. If you were stranded on a Desert Island<\/a> with one member of your family, who would you kill last . Like i could only have one surviving . Jennifer yeah, like youve already killed the annoying ones and now theres like basically the favorite one. Okay. I mean my kids . Jennifer oh, well. Children now i feel guilty. [ laughter ] i feel bad. You mean siblings . Mean siblings. But if you were going to kill a kid what kid would it be . [ laughter ] no which of your siblings would you kill last . It might be khloe, because i feel like shed like kill me. [ laughter ] jennifer yeah. Khloe would actually be the one youd have to kill first. Yeah. Jennifer strictly survivalwise. Okay, what is the weirdest thing kanye does . He falls asleep anywhere. Its like well be at a meeting, or like hell introduce me to people ive never met before, well be at a restaurant, and hell be snoring at the table. Jennifer i wish i had that. Do you guys have like normal couple things where you argue over who to hire to take the garbage out every day . [ laughter ] we are super normal. We watch family feud every night before we fall asleep. Jennifer oh my god. Thats like overly normal. [ laughter ] i watch you guys to fall asleep. [ laughter ] how many of kanyes albums can you name . All of them. Jennifer oh, you can . Yeah. Jennifer thats sweet. Youre a good partner. Yeah. Jennifer have you talked to o. J. Since hes gotten out of prison . I havent. Jennifer dammit. [ laughter ] i havent talked to him in years. I think i saw him at a club in miami like a decade maybe right like eight, nine years ago. Jennifer did you talk to him . Yeah. Jennifer did you ask him if he did it . [ laughter ] did you just get that over with . I never i just never really like go there. I have like so much respect for his children. Jennifer oh, yeah. I feel like my mom and caitlyn both say a lot about it, and theyre really vocal. And i just feel like, you know, his kids. It must be like really hard. I just try to like stay away from it. Jennifer this is the second time ive tried to attack children tonight. [ laughter ] has kanye ever written songs about you that we dont know about . Yeah. Jennifer can you tell me what they are . [ laughter ] well, there was one that he hasnt released. But he sang it at the met. Called awesome. Jennifer aww. And he writes like before we got together, he had played it for me when he was recording watch the throne. And then when i was pregnant, and that was my first met ball, he performed it, like to me at the met. Jennifer oh my god. Wow, that kind of stuff never happens to me. [ laughter ] that must be really, really nice. [ laughter ] i just want to keep like so what does he wear to bed . [ laughter ] what do both of you wear to sleep . I have Kim Kardashian<\/a> on a couch answering questions. [ cheers and applause ] like do you ever sleep in socks . I sleep in socks every night. Jennifer oh my god. Like i put my socks up, im freezing. Jennifer yeah, its really cold in this studio, im going to talk to jimmy about it. It is. Jennifer i have a weird reaction where i sweat when i get cold. So im afraid if anybody at home is wondering why im sitting this way, its not for my breasts. Its for my armpit sweat. [ laughter ] trying to squeeze it away. I get cold too. Jennifer yeah, its not supposed to happen like that. My leg hair grows faster when its warm. [ laughter ] okay, how did you pick your surrogate, and why didnt you ask me . [ laughter ] you jennifer was i even in the conversation . [ laughter ] ill know if i do it again. Jennifer oh my god. I just cant wait for your kids to just be like teenagers. Its like the royal family. Im just like, oh, what are they going to do . [ laughter ] i hope theyre just all so nice. Jennifer they are. The whole family so is lovely. What did you guys do for halloween . We all go to kourtneys and spend halloween there. And i try i was going to do that thing that you showed earlier, telling the kids that i took mr. Candy. Jennifer yeah. And videotape it. Then i didnt have the heart to do it. Jennifer yeah, there was some of those kids reactions i was watching, some of them like aww. Then some of them i was like, if i ever did that to my parents . Yeah. Jennifer if i threw a cup at my parents, if my parents told me they ate all my candy id be like, oh, okay, im sorry, ill be in my room. [ laughter ] yeah, kourtney goes so overboard with the decorations that i think her kids are just over it. Jennifer oh, really. Like antihalloween. Jennifer no way. What were they . Mason was quevo from migos. Showed up at school. And melby was nothing. Nonfestive. And north was wonder woman. She was a few things. Her and saint were axl rose and slash. Jennifer oh my god. Like they had fits with the wigs and it was a whole thing. So that lasted like one second. Jennifer thats what happened to me at halloween, five minutes with a wig. And then they were bunnies to go trickortreating in. Jennifer oh my god, thats so cute. So they did the costumes like i did this year. Jennifer i always thoughtfy had a little baby and it was a boy, i would make him a chippendales chancdancer and t the shirt off with the bow tie. I saw this girl online, her daughter is a victorias secret model with the wings and lingerie, it was a bathing suit, i think she got a lot of [ bleep ] for it. Jennifer thats the third time i have proven im not responsible enough to be around kids. [ laughter ] i just think its sexy. [ laughter ] you might be right. Jennifer okay, so what do you guys like think about blac chyna . [ laughter ] you know, i was i always said when someone was going to ask me you know, dream is going to see this one day. And so i think its just super respectful to just not say anything about my nieces mom. Jennifer got it. Totally. Fourth child. [ cheers and applause ] kkw beauty contour and highlight kits are available now. Kim kardashian west, everybody well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] greeting. I am imperial commander versio. I am jada master jora in the new video Game Star Wars<\/a> battle front ii. Join me and the squad as we bring order and stability to the galaxy. Fly with me and its very cheap and be like, beep beep beep take your lightsaber and be like wham wham wham wham wham wham together we will crush those who oppose the empire hope cannot save them you need to relax, can i buy you a blue milk at the cantina . Okay, sorry, never mind. Dicky preorder your coffee and star wars battle front ii today and receive full access on november 14th, three days before the worldwide launch. You are my best friend and weve got some things to do do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna yeaheaeaeah. [ america by simon can i cross it off yet . Almost. And. Now. The volkswagen atlas. With available digital cockpit. Lifes as big as you make it. Celebrat subway,sandwich day friday, november 3rd. Buy any sub and 30oz. Drink and well give you another sub free, plus well donate a meal to feeding america. Join our global live feed event to fight hunger. Friday, november 3rd, at subway. This this this is my body of proof. Proof of less joint pain and clearer skin. This is my body of proof that i can take on Psoriatic Arthritis<\/a> with humira. Humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. Its proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. Humira is the 1 prescribed biologic for Psoriatic Arthritis<\/a>. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Want more proof . Ask your rheumatologist about humira. Whats your body of proof . With flavors youll love. Re like new savory grilled mediterranean shrimp, topped with a blend of green onions, tomatoes, and herbs. And your favorites, like garlic shrimp scampi. Nows the only time to try as much as you want, however you want em. So hurry in today. The volkswagen atlas. With available pedestrian monitoring. Lifes as big as you make it. What if Home Security<\/a> was different . What if it looked different . What if the measure of working, was that you never had to think about it. What if it was so easy to use, you actually used it. [alarm] you have 3 minutes to exit. What if it gave you time, and what you really need from Home Security<\/a>. A sense of security. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a> Concert Series<\/a> is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Jennifer my next guests are special. They are the first time my mom ever turned me on to a band. Representing the great state of kentucky, here they are with the song the war, linkin bridge im laying down my pride im letting down my guard there doesnt have to be two sides life dont have to be so hard who cares who is wrong or right im tired of keeping score somebody always wins the fight but no one wins the war we all have made mistakes said things we cant take back but right now its not too late so hold on to what we have who cares who is wrong or right im tired of keeping score somebody always wins the fight but no one wins the war after all that weve been through im still in love with you mmmm hmmmm who cares who is wrong or right im tired of keeping score somebody always wins the fight but no one wins the war somebody always wins the fight but no one wins the war love one another the war dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live<\/a> Concert Series<\/a> is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. dog panting another 2am stroll, huh . Im worried. I have this medical bill. Dave, you have anthem, and they have people to talk to who are empowered to help answer any question you. dog grunting, panting is. Is he okay . Real people . Living and breathing. Hopefully not breathing like that. For all the things that keep you up at night, Anthem Blue Cross<\/a> has a solution. Jennifer i had a great time tonight. I miss you already. Hopefully i didnt offend Kim Kardashian<\/a>. This was one of the most exciting nights of my life. Jimmy so is lucky to have this staff. I am so grateful for everyones help and support. Nightline is next. And once again, linkin bridge na na na nan a nan a nah day after day im more confused yet i look for the light through the pouring rain you know thats a game that i hate to lose and im feelin the strain aint it a shame give me the beat boys and free my soul i wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away oh give me the beat boys and free my soul i wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away and when my mind is free you know a melody can move me and when im feelin blue the guitars comin through to soothe me to soothe me ahh give me the beat boys and free my soul i wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away and drift away oh give me the beat boys and free my soul i wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away i just want to get lost in your rock and roll na na na nan a nan a nah [ cheers and applause ] thank you","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"archive.org","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","width":"800","height":"600","url":"\/\/ia800806.us.archive.org\/32\/items\/KGO_20171103_063500_Jimmy_Kimmel_Live\/KGO_20171103_063500_Jimmy_Kimmel_Live.thumbs\/KGO_20171103_063500_Jimmy_Kimmel_Live_000001.jpg"}},"autauthor":{"@type":"Organization"},"author":{"sameAs":"archive.org","name":"archive.org"}}],"coverageEndTime":"20240629T12:35:10+00:00"}