Comfortable, heres jimmy kimmel [cheers and applause] jimmy oh, thank you very much, thank you for coming. You know what . I have to say, it makes me feel really good, because, i know theres a lot of negativity in this country right now. This week especially has been the most disturbing, the most divisive week in many years. A lot of people have been questioning our values and what it means to be an american and so this, what im about to show you could not have come at a better time. A moment courtesy of our national pastime, it is one of those special, magical moments that come out of nowhere and something i think every one of us can rally around. All right, jordan, fire it in there oh jimmy well, you know, they did tell jordan to fire it in there. And, you see what i mean . Isnt that [cheers and applause] dont you feel closer . Lets look at that again in slow motion. All right, so he starts off, very good form, actually, but ooh, you know, wild. Got hip right in the peanuts and crackerjacks. The best part is that the photographers taking the photo just so the guy would have a memento of this great moment at fenway park, and now when he hangs that on the wall at the house, he can show people, i broke the penis of the man who took the picture. The jackpot is up, an enormous sum. 5. 10 million dollars. Playing the powerball is a great way to spend quality time with auto strangers outside gas stations. If you win and decide to take the money in a lump sum, 324 million before taxes. And im not an expert on finances. You should take the lump sum. The way things are going right now, you may not make it to your second installment. President trump is having a historically bad week, which he kept going strong with a string of combative tweets this morning. He attacked Lindsey Graham and jeff flake, bragged about all the jobs he claims he created and once again took the wrong side on charlottesville and wrote, sad to see the history and culture of our country being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues. You n cant change history but can learn from it. Whos next . Washington . Jefferson . The beauty taken out of our cities, towns and parks will be missed and never comparably replaced. He makes one good point. If were going to start taking down every monument that pays tribute to racist, we should probably take down every building with the name trumpon it, you know . [cheers and applause] i especially love, i love how hes trying to pretend these White Supremacists are art lovers and historical preservationists. Grab your tiki torch and swastika, bob, theyre trying to take our sculptures away. He knows were not building one for him, right . Meanwhile, the Vice President , mike pence, cut his trip to Central America short to come back to washington with all this going on. He was in the white house today measuring the drapes. And we havent heard much about russia lately, but this is interesting. They did a survey, an international survey. Most countries now have more confidence in Vladimir Putin than donald trump. Out of 37 countries, 22 of them said they have more faith in putin. Other countries are now watching rocky iv and hoping draggo wins. Poll was most lopsided in mexico, only 5 of mexicans say they trust trump, which still seems like a lot. Thats like 5 of smurfs trusting gargamel. Are you ready for the eclipse . The last total Solar Eclipse that could be seen from the u. S. Mainland was in 1979. I remember that one. We poked a hole in a shoe box. Do you remember doing this . And we held it up to the sun to project it on the wall where we saw basically nothing. This is really something. This is from abc news, 38 years ago. Pay attention. Theres a special message at the end for us. Now its beginning to move away, isnt it . Theres the diamond ring. Isnt that amazing . So thats it. The last Solar Eclipse to be seen on this continent in this century, not until august 21st, 2017, will another eclipse be visible on north america again. Thats 38 years from now. May the shadow of the moon fall on a world of peace. I guess we have four days for that to happen. You know the song total eclipse of the heart . The woman who sang that song is bonnie tyler. Shes set to sing it on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship during the total eclipse, which bonnie tyler, really, she was planning ahead. She released that song in 1983. And boom, 34 years later, shes raking in the cash on that. [ applause ] its impressive. I know what kind of sense of humor she has. It would be great at the last minute if she decided to play one of her new songs instead. Hey, guys, i know you expected total eclipse of the heart with the eclipse and all, but with that said, ive been working on new stuff, one, two, try, four. Some schools are giving kids an is eclipse day, a day off, because theyre worried teachers might not be able to protect their eyes. These kids havent looked up from their phones since january. The sun is not something to mess around with. This is what happens if you look directly into the sun during an eclipse, this could happen to you. [ laughter ] please, be very, very careful. [cheers and applause] amazon this week had to recall a bunch of safety glasses because they didnt meet proper specifications. Some of them werent certified for use. Which is dangerous. You think youre safe, you look into the sun and your eyeballs will explode. Guillermo, did you order your glasses . I did, jimmy. And theyre up to standard . Yeah. You should be good to go. Jimmy summer movie season is winding down. We asked yahya to review logan lucky. Here is yahya talking about logan lucky. Hi, im talking about the summer movie behind me. Hi, im talkin, hi, its me, yahya, i talk about the summer movie behind me. The movie behind me, look, logan leaky. Logan lakey. He stole the money from the bank, i dont know. The guy from 007, something greg. And then the exwife for tom cruise, kathy hole, shes in that too. The guy with the plastic arm, his damn driver, hes on tv show, hbo, the girl, alcohol allowed. Im about to get naked. Shut up. And the guy in the movie is sick mcfollow. The movie about the family and the dog about the baby. The director for that movie is steven soda. Steven soda directed the movie, the guy like playboy, they take the clothes off. And that movie, too, with underwear and the women should put the money in his underwear, you know. Any women ever put money in your underpants . No. No. Only fish. [cheers and applause] jimmy thank you, yahya. And one more thing before we forge ahead. Its thursday night. It means we bleep and blur whether they need it or not. It is this week in unnecessary censorship. The man we saw this afternoon was the man we saw elected last november, like him, trust him or [ bleep ] him, thats your call. Would anybody like it from the media . Would anybody like that long beautiful [ bleep ] . It was a clean sweep for taylor swift. Mouthing [ bleep ]. Im really excited. A phenomenal place to take [ bleep ]. Im really excited. Whether youve got a big [ bleep ], a fat [ bleep ], even if you dont have it, you go to the park and [ bleep ] your friend. The Police Department was able to answer that question over the weekend. How many [ bleep ] have you had so far . 50. Really . Thats rude to ask a lady how many [ bleep ] shes had. That round of rousing applause. Would you mind [ bleep ] my wife for 32 years. Sarah. [ bleep ] on the [ bleep ]. You cannot [ bleep ] while holding your nose. No, but i did pop my [ bleep ]. [cheers and applause] jimmy we are going to take a break. And when we come back, you will be witness to maybe the smartest 8yearold in the world. Hes here to teach us everything we need to know about the Solar Eclipse. Stick around. Well be right back. [cheers and applause] what do we want . Catpacks when do we want em . Meow everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. So this quick ranch pastat a full house. Primavera is the perfect dish. Sprinkle in a packet of Hidden Valley ranch, add some veggies, and youve got a meal thats sure to please. Its time to ranch out with the original, Hidden Valley ranch. When you switch to progressive. Winds stirring. Too treacherous for a selfie. [ camera shutter clicks ] sure, ive taken discounts to new heights with safe driver and paperless billing. But the prize at the top is worth every last breath. Here we go. [ grunts ] got em. Ahh. Wait a minute. Whole wheat waffles . [ crying ] why wait a minute. Whole wheat waffles . Welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx grown right here in california, with absolutely no antibiotics ever. A better way to grow, a better way to eat. And it starts with foster farms simply raised chicken. California grown with no antibiotics ever. This scarf all thats my left to rememb. Sayonara. What. She washed this like a month ago the long lasting scent of gain. Now available in matching scents across your entire laundry routine. [cheers and applause] jimmy welcome back to our show. Salma hayek, also on the way on monday, a total Solar Eclipse. And here to explain what that means, an 8yearold kid from silver spring, maryland, please welcome romanio. Please come on out [ cheers and applause ] how you doin . Im doin great. Jimmy i see youve been to the nasa gift shop. Yes, i have. I study organic chemistry and physics at a college level, university level. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy so you study this stuff and love this stuff. I do. Jimmy do you want to be an astronaut when you grow up . Yes. Jimmy who was the worst astronaut ever, matt damon . [ cheers and applause ] did you she movie . I dont know. Jimmy he made potatoes out of his own poop in that movie. Is that something youd like to do in a spaceship . No. Jimmy so you brought some visuals from nasa to help us understand what happens when there is a total Solar Eclipse. We know the end result of it, but we dont necessarily know why its happening, correct . Well, this is what were going to do. Jimmy show us what you have. This is the sun, this is the moon, apparently, this is the earth. Were going to say the shun is shining on the moon and it casts its shadow on the earth. Thats whats happening on monday. Jimmy its a shadow that gets cast on the earth. Is it dangerous . It is not dangerous unless youre trying to look at the sun. You need solar glasses. Jimmy you should not look directly at the sun. You shouldnt. Jimmy and what happens if you do . Youll get partial blindness. Jimmy thats what happens. Who would win in a fight between the sun and the moon . Nobody. Jimmy nobody. Okay. So we have a visual demonstration that youve put together for us. And dickeys going to help us with this. Thank you, dickie. So this is a basketball. [cheers and applause] and this is, youre clapping for two balls tied together by a rope. [ laughter ] well, theyre not just that. Jimmy theyre not just that. Youre clapping for a model of how hard it is for an eclipse to happen. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, so thats why. [cheers and applause] jimmy so its a very rare thing. All these things have to lean up. Show us exactly what has to line up. The moon is 250,000 miles away from the earth. Jimmy okay, so you go over there and show us exactly what the distance would be and how this would line up, okay . All right. Good. Its going to be about right jimmy please do not try this at home. Its very dangerous. No, you can try it any place. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] jimmy not in an elevator you couldnt. Well, thats right. You couldnt, unless you had a giant elevator. Jimmy this is the earth, were on this. The moon is in your hands. The sun would be where . 1. 6 miles away. Jimmy this is how they line up. You can see. Now this is my question for you. Do you know any landmarks 1. 76 miles away. Jimmy yeah, theres a liquor store. Its got a big clown on it. Circus liquors its called. [ applause ] so thats how far away the sun would be from yes, and it would be the size of a giant house. Jimmy the size of a house. The biggest house you could find. Jimmy sorry, guillermo. Maybe you should lose a little weight over the vacation. Now what do we do . A tugofwar and see who would win . No, we just say, and heres what makes an eclipse not happen every month. Jimmy right, because all these things have to line up exactly. Right, because remember, this is 5 degrees. Sometimes its too high. Sometimes its too low. Jimmy yeah, i know. Its a bummer. [ laughter ] lets talk about safety again for a second. Now nasa gave glasses, and were going to give these to everybody in the audience. [cheers and applause] surprise jimmy here, come back to me. I was going to pull you over here. Would it help to wear garlic around your neck during an eclipse . It does not. Jimmy is that just for vampires, then . Well, it turns out, whats actually supposed to be done is wear these Solar Eclipse glasses or solar filter glasses. Jimmy im going to put a pair on as well and watch. We have a great video, demonstration of what happens during an eclipse. And lets roll that video here on the screen. So here you go. That ball is the moon, and what happens is it actually, you see what [ applause ] you see any of that . I cannot see anything but the lights. Jimmy when is the next Solar Eclipse . The next big one . Well, its in 2024. Jimmy where are you going to watch this one . Charleston, south carolina. Jimmy we have a special present for you, something that you can use, i dont know if its safe, you could use it for the eclipse or [cheers and applause] a Hydrogen Alpha solar telescope you surprised me, right jimmy yeah, im surprising you. And look, you can look at the sun. Smile, sun. Thats for you. Thank you very much. Youre very, very smart. [cheers and applause] great to meet you. We have a great show tonight with music from bearstronaut. Well be right back with salma hayek. [cheers and applause] woman so this happened. Nikki picked up some limearitas and thats when we knew it was going to be one of those nights. We started hanging a disco ball but then the ball reminded ava of her sequined dress. Now we have two disco balls. Limearita. Make it a margarita moment. Limearita. Be impressive be impressive be impressive be impressive be impressive everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. [ livin thing by electric Light Orchestra ] sailin away on the crest of a wave, its like magic rollin and ridin and slippin and slidin its magic introducing the all new volkswagen tiguan. Higher and higher, baby the new king of the concrete jungle. Tim charlie, 4th graders. 3rd graders these days. Their new gogurt tubes are easy open. Whats next . Welcome to the future tim. New ez open gogurt. Kids never had it so easy. Did you take all the tequila lime sauce . Maaaybe i did. Maaaybe i didnt. Whoa im gonna fall you cant. Youre an old el paso stand n stuff taco. Youre a stand n stuff taco anything goes in old el paso. Dilike, outside dirt,. Thats not a bad thing. Also, it comes off. Inside dirt, yeah. Thats way different. But now theres a more powerful chevron with techron. Yeah. It has even more cleaning power to clean up deposits left by low quality gas. And cleaning up deposits restores lost gas mileage. Its legit. Now with more cleaning power. Chevron with techron. Care for your car. Nice hat dicky portions of jimmy jimmy happy new year, everybody. Jimmy tonight, from insecure on hbo, jay ellis is here. Then, they are the winners of Guitar Centers annual get out of the garage contest. Their album is called telecoast, bearstronaut from the mercedesbenz stage. [cheers and applause] jimmy our first guest tonight could be mexicos greatest gift to the world. Sorry guillermo. Starting tomorrow, you can see her trade fwords with samuel l. Jackson in the hitmans bodyguard. Please say hello to Salma Hayek Pinault. [cheers and applause] jimmy you look fantastic. And thats a beautiful dress you have on, and you smell good on top of it. Oh, thank you very much. Jimmy everything is in place. All in place. It can only go wrong. Jimmy it can only go downhill from here. When did you start using pinault at the end of your name . Eight years ago jimmy the last time you were here was like a year ago. Exactly, and you just never say it. Jimmy i like to pretend that your last name is hayekkimmel instead. I reject pinault. Very good, you got it. Jimmy i said i bet its pinot, like renault, like the car. They said no, no, no, pinot like the wine. No, pinault. Lets see if you can spell it. Two euros it you can spell pinault. Jimmy it is written right there. No, thats cheating. No jimmy but ill try it anyway. How are you doing . Everything all right . You enjoying summer and traveling around the world . Yes, its wonderful. We went to costa rica for the first time. Id never been to costa rica. Jimmy really . Thats a beautiful place. Did you go to the rainforest and see that . We saw lots of everything. Lots of animals. Jimmy what did you see . Dolphins, lots of bogs. Sloth actually. And lots of types of, three different types of monkeys. Jimmy monkeys are fun, in the wild monkeys. In the wild. We saw two types, but we didnt see the spider monkey, which the kids really wanted to see, so we had to move to another location to look for the spider monkeys, and after two hours in the canals, in a boat and no monkeys, the, and my kids going crazy, finally the guy said, you know, maybe theyre at my house, because i have a tree there. Sometimes they come. Let me call my wife. And sure enough, there were the monkeys. Jimmy the monkeys were at his house . Yes, he had this tree of something called water apple. And it was full of the spider monkeys. And you know me, i have to taste everything, and ive never had a water apple. So i went and immediately, everybodys looking at the monkeys, im shoving the apples in my mouth as fast as i can. And the monkey got very upset, he started throwing apples at my head. And, you know, screaming and he was like super furious, which was hilarious. Now all my kids are really happy to see him in action. Jimmy sure. And then i started laughing too. And he got angry, so he tried to pee on me. And i am moving and hes trying to follow me in the tree to pee on me. I got some drops. I dont know. I dont now if he hated me or if he was trying to mark me as his territory. Jimmy probably the latter, yeah, wow. [ applause ] jimmy you should haves just yelled your last name, pinault i really liked this monkey. Jimmy did you think about maybe getting a spider monkey to take home . No, i was going to put him in my instagram, but once he started peeing on me i said forget it