Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170831

Card image cap



[ cheers and applause ] >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- matt leblanc. emily ratajkowski. the premiere of baby bachelor in paradise. and music from vince staples featuring juicy j. and now, once and for all, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you everybody. welcome. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for all of you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for joining us on a very special night. "bachelorette" night in america. earlier this evening we bore witness as xwach bachelorette rachel chose brian to be her lawfully wedded bride. and i have to say it was a bittersweet moment for me because i've been on a roll predictionwise. every season before the show starts i pick who's going to win. i picked four of the last five bachelors. i picked four of the last five bachelorettes. it's why they called me rose-tradamus. [ laughter ] this time the guy got to number 2. that's as far as he went. but i feel somewhat vindicated. an amazing thing happened tonight. my pick, his name is peter. peter did something no one has done on the show before. he acknowledged how preposterous it is to get engaged to a woman you've been on two dates with while she was dating two other people. he said i want to be with you but i can't propose yet bays take a marriage proposal too seriously, which is the right way to take a marriage proposal. rachel said sorry, i'm looking for a proposal now on tv. so that was that. relationship over. and then peter broke down and started questioning himself. >> what's wrong with me? >> jimmy: what's wrong with you? nothing's wrong with you. after 21 seasons of "the bachelor" and 13 seasons of "the bachelorette" you are the first rational human being ever to appear on this show. [ cheers and applause ] there's nothing wrong. now, i admire peter. i never thought i'd say that about a contestant on "the bachelorette" but i do. i admire one of them. his name is peter. and then rachel, who appeared to be heartbroken over peter, the next day she told brian she couldn't imagine her life without him and then they got engaged. >> i can't! >> rachel lynn lindsay, will you be my reina forever? >> costco. what happened to neil lane? i tell you what. rachel must really be into brian. i don't know if you know this, but brian without a doubt is the loudest kisser in the history of "the bachelorette." look at this. [ kissing sounds ] [ kissing sounds ] >> mmm. >> mmmm. [ kissing sounds ] >> jimmy: it's like he's slurping ramen or something. [ laughter ] so there you have it. another shocking finale of the bachelorette. basically, what happened is brian got down and bended the knee but peter refused to. just like jon snow and khaleesi. did you watch "game of thrones" last night? [ cheers and applause ] all you could think during last night's episode was we better make sure kim jong un never gets hold of a dragon because if he does -- last night's "game of thrones" was actually leaked by hackers on friday. there was a big hbo hack today. some of their executives' e-mails got released. which i don't understand why that happens. if you're going to go to the trouble of hacking, i say have some fun with it. like it road sign up in northern california over the weekend. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] someone hacked that and wrote "trump has herpes." now, that is fake news, everybody. [ laughter ] president trump is currently on a 17-day vacation at his golf course in bedminster, new jersey. he tweeted 15 times today. [ laughter ] as you know donald trump was very critical of president obama's vacation, so it seemed odd that he would take a trip of this length six months in. but he insists this is not a vacation. over the weekend he tweeted "working in bedminster, new jersey as long-planned construction is being done at the white house. this is not a vacation. meetings and calls." [ laughter ] . so turns out he's not on vacation. it looks kind of like -- well, if you look at this clip, you see here just because he's in a golf cart golfing, we jump to the conclusion that he was on some kind of a vacation, which he is not. if you look at the tweet you see right there. meetings and calls with an exclamation point. [ laughter ] and this is not the first time we've done this to him, by the way. remember the time he wrote "i was the first and only potential gop candidate to state there would be no cuts to social security, medicare and medicaid, huckabee copied me." we thought it looked like he didn't want to cut medicare and medicaid and then did want to cut medicare and medicaid. and the time he wrote the electoral college is a disaster for a democracy. we assumed that meant he thought the electoral college was a disaster for democracy. when really what he was trying to say was the electoral college is actually genius. we screwed that up too. [ laughter ] [ applause ] and it's happened a lot of times. he said thank you to the lgbt community, i'll fight for you. he wrote i have nothing to do with russia no, deals, no loans, no nothing. and we cannot continue to let obama fly around on air force one at a cost of a million dollars a day for the purpose of politics and play. and we see these things, these tweets, and we jump to conclusions because we're paying too much attention to his words instead of what's on the inside. [ laughter ] and that's not fair. and i'm sorry, but whatever you think of donald trump it's not fair. and i want to apologize to the president for thinking his vacation is a vacation when plainly it's not. [ laughter ] it's right there. he wrote "meetings and calls." he's working. just yesterday he brokered a peace deal between the groundskeeper at the golf course and some gophers. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i don't know. is it possible he doesn't know he's on vacation? [ laughter ] where am i now? working? you're golfing, sir. no, i'm not. you're fired. [ laughter ] by the way, he tweeted again today that he's not on vacation. "working hard from new jersey while white house goes through long-planned renovation. going to new york next week for more meetings." it's going to be so much fun watching him tweet over and over again for the next two weeks about how hard he's working while he's doing this the whole time. just for the record, ordering chris christie to go on a white castle run does not count as a meeting or a call. [ cheers and applause ] meanwhile, russian president vladimir putin is also on vacation, which is kind of suspicious. it's like when your husband and his secretary go on a work trip together. [ laughter ] putin is fishing in siberia, which sounds like a euphemism the mafia would use to describe killing someone. but it's not. they actually released video of his vacation. the only way i could think to make this video more masculine than it already is is to add this song to it. ♪ macho macho man [ laughter ] ♪ i've got to be a macho man ♪ i've got to be a macho macho man ♪ ♪ i've got to be a macho man ♪ macho macho man ♪ i've got to be a macho man nice fish. in russia it's illegal to be a village person. according to the "new york times" this caused quite a bit of commotion at the white house. the "times" had a story that mike pence the vice president is planning to run for president if trump doesn't run for a second term. so pence got nervous and issued a statement strongly denying all of it. he said the article was disgraceful and offensive "to me, my family and our entire team." he said the suggestion he's running for president in 2020 is "laughable and absurd." right. why would mike pence want to be president in 2020? he's going to be president much, much sooner than that. [ laughter ] [ applause ] maybe a re-election. not only did the pence team put out a statement denying he's starting some kind of a shadow campaign for 2020, they also released this advertisement. >> mike pence is a dedicated public servant with the vision and passion it takes to lead this country. not that he wants to. from our cities to our corn fields, from the heartland to the coast, mike pence has no interest in overseeing any of those places. mike pence has the kind of foreign policy experience to keep america safe. if he wanted to do that. which he doesn't. president mike pence would always fight for you. but he's not president and has no plans to be one. mike pence, 2020. the year he won't be running for president. >> i'm mike pence, and i approve this message. or do i? >> this ad paid for by the committee to definitely elect mike pence president. >> jimmy: oh, how about that? [ cheers and applause ] we have to take a break. when we come back from the break, oh, this is very exciting. the premiere of our new "bachelor" spinoff show starring toddlers. the world premiere of "baby bachelor in paradise" when we return. we'll be right back. >> dicky: abc's "jimmy kimmel live," brought to you by boost mobile. be impressive! b-e impressive! be impressive! b-e impressive! b-e i-m-p-r-e-s-s-i-v-e everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school. i hafor my belly painking overand constipation.ucts i've had it up to here! it's been month after month of fiber. weeks taking probiotics! days and nights of laxatives, only to have my symptoms return. (vo) if you've had enough, tell your doctor what you've tried and how long you've been at it. linzess works differently from laxatives. linzess treats adults with ibs with constipation or chronic constipation. it can help relieve your belly pain, and lets you have more frequent and complete bowel movements that are easier to pass. do not give linzess to children less than six, and it should not be given to children six to less than 18. it may harm them. don't take linzess if you have a bowel blockage. get immediate help if you develop unusual or severe stomach pain, especially with bloody or black stools. the most common side effect is diarrhea, sometimes severe. if it's severe, stop taking linzess and call your doctor right away. other side effects include gas, stomach-area pain, and swelling. talk to your doctor about managing your symptoms proactively with linzess. ...with pantene 3 minute miracle daily conditioner.s... a super concentrated pro-v formula makes hair stronger* in just 3 minutes. so it's smoother every day. because strong is beautiful. whoo! testis this thing on?! huh? c'mon! your turn! mmmm... where do pencils go on vacation? (loud speaker) pencil-vania! pencilvania! (laughing) frosted just right. crunch in every bite. kellogg's frosted mini-wheats. take 25% off under armourhl's that's 25% off select under armour shoes, fleece, tees, shorts and more for the whole family and, everyone gets kohl's cash! earn it on everything! spend it on anything! get your game on with under armour. kohl's doto be our next spokesperson?m he's so boring. hm. sounds like you're on the fence. why don't i just leave you my resume? yes, it's laminated. no thanks. you're hired! try the new caramel m&m's. ow. good starts with g. gloriously great tasting whole grains. they're whole! every gram glistening with genuine golden honey. it's true! real cocoa, peanut butter and cinnamon too. [glass breaks] oops! sorry! just gearing you up for good mornings and good afternoons. [cheers] [laughing] these whole grains will get you going good. speaking of good. try new apple cinnamon toast crunch. ♪ >> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. matt leblanc, emily ratajkowski and music from vince staples with juicy j is all on the way. but first tonight as you know, we bade farewell to another season of "the bachelorette" but fear not because we also say hello to a new "bachelor" spinoff one i'm proud to host, executive produce and share with you now. i think you'll like it. right now the season premiere of "baby bachelor in paradise." >> first there was the "baby bachelor." >> i'm wesley, the baby bachelor. >> then the baby bachelorette. >> i think my husband is in that limo. >> and now we bring you -- >> welcome to paradise! >> jimmy: baby bachelor in paradise. ♪ almost paradise ♪ we're knocking on heaven's door ♪ ♪ almost paradise ♪ how could we ask for more ♪ i swear that i can see forever in your eyes ♪ ♪ paradise [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to paradise. a serene utopia for small children whose parents for some reason had no problem with them doing this. from passionate play dates to canoodling in the kiddie pool, which babies would pair off or be sent napping? >> i'm kennedy and i'm 4 years old. i'm in paradise. >> i'm scarlet. i just want to find love. >> hi. i'm bella. >> boom. boom. you're in. you're in. out. >> as the first rivals get to know each other, familiar faces make their return. and some have done a lot of growing up. >> i'm the bachelor. >> since his appearance on the baby bachelorette dylan has grown up a lot. and now installs and repairs above-ground pools. >> i like cars and fly fishing. >> jimmy: meet ethan, a wild child from the baby bachelorette, who loves rocks and doesn't play by the rules. >> ethan. can you turn around? >> jimmy: here's aidan, who's ready for fun. >> let's get this party started. >> jimmy: and brendan, who's looking to make a fresh start. >> i'm coming here for long-term relationships. >> jimmy: and cosette. >> hi. my name is cosette. i always fall for bad boys. >> jimmy: like this bad boy, alex. >> hi. i'm alex. i was the runner-up on "baby bachelorette." >> i'm in love with someone else. >> what? >> jimmy: alex recently got out of prison for setting fire to a meth lab. [ laughter ] >> i was the bad boy. but i'm here to be a good boy. >> alex is so cute. i make bad decisions. >> jimmy: new arrival maisie promises to bring the drama. >> i'm maisie, and i'm crazy. i'm the bad boy. >> jimmy: maisie doesn't waste any time. >> hey. what's your name? >> brendan. >> i'm maisie. do you like this place? >> yep. >> i like your floaties. >> i like your floaties too. >> sharks are my favorite animal. >> why? >> because they eat people! >> she's so beautiful. but crazy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: brendan, how are you doing? >> good. >> jimmy: you're doing well? are you enjoying this time here in paradise? it seems like you've got a lot on your mind. do you think maisie is somebody you want to spend the rest of your life with? >> i think maybe but she's kind of scary. >> jimmy: buzz it scadoes it sc be in love or are you just scared of her? >> i'm just scared of -- >> jimmy: you're just scared of her. brendan, do you keep a lot of secrets? >> no. >> jimmy: brendan, do you have a child? this season, which babies will run off into the sunset and which will run home to mommy? [ crying ] will brendan wet himself when his es trai his estranged wife charlie shows up? >> surprise surprise. >> jimmy: will maisie get even crazier? >> get out of here. he doesn't want you. >> jimmy: will new faces send shock waves through paradise? [ screaming ] and will someone explain what dylan is talking about? >> just saw a plant with pants and he was super talking and it's made of broccoli. >> jimmy: find out next time on "baby bachelor in paradise." [ cheers and applause ] it will be quite a ride. tonight on the show we have music from vince staples with juicy j. emily ratajkowski is here. and we'll be right back with matt leblanc. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by gulden's mustard. add zest to every bite with gulden's. no splashing! wait so you got rid of verizon, just like that? uh-huh. i switched to t-mobile, kept my phone-everything on it- -oh, they even paid it off! wow! yeah. it's nice that every bad decision doesn't have to be permenant! ditch verizon. keep your phone. we'll even pay it off when you switch to america's best unlimited network. do i use ...one that'sthat wgood for my teeth? .. now i don't have to choose! from crest 3d white comes new whitening therapy. it's our best whitening technology. plus, it has a fortifying formula to protect your enamel. crest. healthy, beautiful smiles for life. ♪ ♪ rok!y? we got pencils, yes we do! wide-ruled notebooks, scissors, glue! we've got ice cream... ...sprinkles, too! everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school. >> jimmy: guillermo and i took a trip together this weekend. >> guillermo: it was great, jimmy. >> jimmy: we went to new york. >> guillermo: maybe next we ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ third graders today. their new gogurt tubes are easy open. and p.e. consists of sitting around on mats. hippies. oh, mom, making them eat their favorite snack in the back seat. whatever happened to "eating at the table?" that's what cup holders are for. >> jimmy: hi and welcome back. tonight on the show, she's a model, she is an actress and actually i have a bone to pick with her because she insulted my mother's cooking on television. yeah, that's right, guillermo. >> guillermo: right. >> jimmy: emily ratajkowski is here. and we're going to talk -- she really put the rat in ratajkowski. i'll tell you that. >> guillermo: oh, my god. >> jimmy: we'll get into that a little bit later. then this is his album. it's called "big fish theory." vince staples featuring juicy j from the mercedes-benz outdoor stage. tomorrow night on the show milo ve ventimiglia will be here, we'll have music from lindsey stirling. and later this week, jim parsons, john lithgow, damson idris, jay baruchel, plus music from diana krall and the war on drugs. so please join us. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is a golden globe-winning tv star who once was our friend and is now about to say goodbye to another very funny show. the fifth and final season of "episodes" starts august 20th on showtime. please welcome matt leblanc. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's good to have you here. >> good to be back. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think i know -- [ cheers and applause ] you're beloved. >> that's very kind. thank you very much. >> jimmy: do you watch "the bachelorette" or "the bachelor" or any of that stuff? >> i don't. >> jimmy: it's okay. it's not -- >> you know what i watch a lot of? >> jimmy: what's that? >> is my little pony. do you know that show? my daughter is 34 now. she can't get enough. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how old is your daughter? >> she's 13. >> jimmy: she's still watching "my little pony"? >> yeah. it's a discussion that needs to take place. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my little pony, huh? at 13 years old. >> she doesn't watch "the bachelorette" or "the bachelor." >> does she ever watch reruns of "friends"? >> no. just my little pony marathons. >> she's never seen if? >> she's seen it. but she doesn't want to watch me on tv. she gets enough of me like in the kitchen telling her don't eat that, put your plate in the sink. she doesn't want to see any more of me than necessary. >> jimmy: i've noticed that with teenagers especially are really like just discovering that show and they talk about the show as if it's -- i mean, it really seems to hold up as far as these young kids go. >> yeah. >> jimmy: do you have people come up to you a lot? >> yeah. it seems like every year there's a new generation that discovers it. but now you know, enough time's gone by where kids will come up to me and say hey, wow. did you -- [ laughter ] ooh. are you -- are you joey's dad? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think this one kid i actually said, "scram." "scram" came out of my mouth. here i am. i don't know. i've turned into joey's dad. >> jimmy: did you see what jay-z did? jay-z on his service tidal he put out -- well, you probably know about this. they did a version of "friends" with an all-black cast. and it -- well, i think we have the intro. let's look at this. ♪ friends ♪ how many of us have them ♪ friends ♪ ones we can depend on ♪ friends ♪ how many of us have them ♪ friends ♪ before we go any further ♪ let's be friends [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's you. >> that's me in the pool. i'm the big guy. >> jimmy: you're the big guy. >> big joey in the pool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: do you have any memory of shooting that? >> i don't remember. that particular one, no, i don't remember that at all. [ laughter ] but when we shot the titles for the show, yeah, it was a long time ago. >> jimmy: it's funny because we all have it burned in our heads. but it probably took you like 45 minutes to shoot that thing, right? >> no, it was hours. >> jimmy: oh, it was? >> yeah. everybody had pruny fingers. >> jimmy: they did? >> let's get a shot -- bring the crane in. >> jimmy: did you have a choreographer for those moves? >> those are my own. >> jimmy: those are your own. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so the episode -- they went on to recreate -- he >> oh, there's more? >> jimmy: there's a whole episode -- well, not a whole episode but they did a lot of the episode. and it was the one where -- it was the one where -- i don't know. everybody's late. nobody's on time or something like that. where ross is going around and i wants to be -- he's late and everybody's taking a long time. >> the one where no one's ready. >> jimmy: no one's ready. yeah. >> he's going to give some big speech and he invited us all and nobody's taking it seriously. that ironically is the one where i dislocated my shoulder. >> jimmy: oh, you did? >> yeah. it was -- the audience that night was made up of all of the diet coke contest winners. so there was a big contest underneath the cap and the whole audience won this contest. all flown in from all over the country. and it was the second scene. and i don't know if you've seen it. chandler and i are fighting over the big down chair. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm downstage at the table and he comes in the door, we both look at each other, look at the chair and neither one of us is sitting in it, so we both like race to the chair. and i have to just step over the coffee table and lands in this big huge comfortable chair. i don't think it even qualifies as a stunt. okay? [ laughter ] and somehow i ended up completely upside down and i was going to land on my head between the table and the chair, so i put my arm up to break my fall and just exploded my shoulder. so i get up -- and everybody thought it was part of the show. everyone's laughing. i'm like, yeah, that's pretty funny. [ laughter ] just in total pain. so i go upstage and into monica's bedroom because that's not really a practical room. when we shoot that it's a different set. so it just goes backstage. and i go in there and i just kind of collapse against the wall. i'm looking, like my shoulder's gone. my arm is sticking out of my ass basically. [ laughter ] and i'm like, what the heck? and i look up and anthony edwards from "e.r." happened to be there. they wrt next stage over. he just happened to be there watching the show. and he comes in. and i'm like, wow, did i hit my head too? [ laughter ] because i know you're not a real doctor. get out of here. get going. [ cheers and applause ] and the fire department came and we had to shut down the show. all of those people got sent home. and then warner brothers had to fly them all back again in another show and i did a few episodes in a sling and they wrote it into the show as joey was jumping on the bed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't realize you were a hero. i know you're many things. but wow, that's really unbelievable. that's a crazy thing. >> it was nuts, yeah. but that's that episode. >> jimmy: well, there's a little bit of history behind everything. we're going to take a break, come back and talk about "episodes" on showtime, which is a great show. >> okay. >> jimmy: matt leblanc is here. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ give extra. get extra. this dive into the classicbster. crab lover's dream or new dueling crab legs with dungeness and snow crab. only during crabfest. now this is seafood. and hurry in to enjoy our new crab melt, part of our seafood lover's lunch weekdays just $9.99 let's go re-ed! let's go!k! [ clap clap ] let's go yell-ow! let's go! [ clap clap ] let's go rainbow! let's go! get ready, set, go! back to school. bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. assume nothing. just like the leading brand, kraft real mayo is made with high quality ingredients at a price you can feel good about no wonder kraft is so good. when i walked through for a cigarette, that's when i knew i had to quit. for real this time. that's why i'm using nicorette. only nicorette gum has patented dual-coated technology for great taste, plus intense craving relief. every great why needs a great how. ♪ 60% of women are wearing the w...experience leaks. introducing always my fit. find the number that's right for your flow and panty size on the top of any always pack. the better the fit, the better it protects. always. welcome to maxx you. you are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. we see what makes you unique. so we have something for everyone, at a price that's just right for you. maxx you. maxx life. t.j.maxx about to see progressive's new home quote explorer. where you can compare multiple quote options online and choose what's right for you. woah. flo and jamie here to see hqx. flo and jamie request entry. slovakia. triceratops. tapioca. racquetball. staccato. me llamo jamie. pumpernickel. pudding. employee: hey, guys! home quote explorer. it's home insurance made easy. password was "hey guys." it's home insurance made easy. one letter left on the board. your clue is a great way to start the day. what is the final letter? luten-free, luten-free. it's a g it's a g g,g,g,g,g! g! z. oh! what! show me z. no we were looking for g. gluten-free breakfast cereal. good starts with g. and now introducing new blueberry chex. anyway, so. >> i just got tickets for madonna tonight. do you want to come? >> madonna? really? >> they're free. >> what time? >> and they're her seats. so they're probably really good. >> whose seats? >> madonna's. >> how'd you get madonna's seats? >> she called me. >> you know madonna? >> yeah. why can't i know madonna? >> for how long? >> 30 years. since she was a virgin. at the factory. >> what factory? >> andy warhol. >> you knew andy warhol? >> yeah. blondie introduced us. you guys are the least interesting people i know. >> that is matt leblanc playing a version of himself on "episodes." >> a version, yeah. >> jimmy: by the way, do you know madonna? >> i don't know madonna. >> jimmy: you don't know madonna. >> i wish i knew madonna. >> jimmy: do you really? >> i think the matt leblanc on that show is much more interesting than the matt leblanc in real life. >> jimmy: he's definitely more irascible than the matt leblanc in real life. >> he is. >> jimmy: this is the final season of this show, the fifth season. why are you leaving this show? i love that show. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, thanks. you know, it was great. to be honest, jimmy, i really don't know why i'm leaving. [ laughter ] i was just about to ask for a raise. [ laughter ] you know, the writers feel like they've -- they're done with the story. >> jimmy: i hate when the writers do that. just get different writers. >> everybody's afraid of jumping the shark. i'm like jump the shark. why not? it's fun. there's a shark. >> jimmy: how many shows are you on right now? >> with this one it's three. >> jimmy: three. so "man with a plan," which is coming to cbs. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: have you started on that yet? >> we start next week. we start shooting that. season 2. >> jimmy: and you do "top gear." the car show. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's a lot of fun. we were just in norway and france and italy and northern california. we've been just like shooting fast cars all over the world. it's a fun job. it's a little dodgy at times. >> jimmy: if you wreck one of those cars, who has to pay for it? >> hopefully not me. >> jimmy: is it predetermined if you do anything to the car that somebody else will take care of the bill or does that go on your personal automobile insurance? >> do you know what i'm going to do right after this? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: check that? >> is i'm going to check that out. [ laughter ] look into that closely right after this. >> jimmy: by the way, happy birthday. you had a big birthday last month. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. big one. >> jimmy: 50 years old. >> 50. >> jimmy: how do you feel about that? >> [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] yeah, you know, 30, you turn 30 and you're like okay, it's time for me to look around at my life and "friends" was going good at that time. like all right, things are looking good, yeah. then 40 comes along. my 40th birthday i was all excited. i'm going to have a big 40th at my house. i get all excited. the caterer's there. the dj in the back yard. everyone's getting set up. i was like the bartender. we had some martini drink that everyone was going to -- that was the drink of the night. i was like i should probably sample that and see how that is. i passed out before the first guest got there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you really? >> i was -- so the party's going on at my house. it's like i don't know, 80 people there. i'm asleep on the couch the whole time. and then as the days go on after that i get all these pictures texted to me of like butts in my face among other things. so i missed the whole party. so this year i swore i was not going to make the same mistake. so as people are showing up at the house everyone without exception, hey, you're up. [ laughter ] and i made it right to the end, baby. right to the end. [ cheers and applause ] we had a good time. it was fun. >> jimmy: that's more like an 80th birthday party. what did you do? it was a party at your house? i'm turning 50 in november. so i'm curious to know what the keys to a successful 50th birthday party are. >> well, the thing about turning 50 that's funny is you think that's half a century. and you think okay, so -- and it's a quick step to i'm halfway gone. and then you think about it, no, i'm more than halfway gone. [ laughter ] because not that many people live to 100. so i'm almost dead. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> good luck. [ applause ] >> jimmy: maybe we'll be buried together. >> i think you're going to have a party, you know, try to make it to the end. >> jimmy: try to make it to the end. >> if you complete that, then -- >> jimmy: if you can say good-bye to the last guest, then you've succeeded. >> then you've succeeded. >> jimmy: well, happy birthday. it's great to see you. the show is called "episodes." it returns august 20th, 10:00 on showtime. matt leblanc, everybody. we'll be right back with emily ratajkowski. [ cheers and applause ] we don't just want to watch games cable gives us. we want all the teams, no matter where we live- with directv nfl sunday ticket. we want falcons in new york. jets in la. bears in new orleans. or buccaneers in a quaint, little new england bed and breakfast. can you please pass the marmalade, charlie? i sure can, crazy pirate. switch to directv and get every game, every sunday with nfl sunday ticket. call 1-800-directv. you can do endless onlineve research about the ct6. or you can come in and have it all for less than you might imagine. don't wait. our 2017 models will be moving fast. you can drive a car. or you can drive a cadillac. during the cadillac made to move 2017 clearance event, current non-gm owners and lessees get this low-mileage lease on this cadillac ct6 from around $529 per month. thijust sprinkle in a packet of burgerhidden valley ranch, then mix, shape, and grill, and you've got a new fan favorite. it's time to ranch out with the original, hidden valley ranch. grooves in your sandwich? do you always put cheez-it of course! they're chips. chips...plus sandwich: equals the perfect lunch. ooooh...don't forget the pickle. it's kind of a big dill. cheez-it grooves. chips made with 100% real cheese. dang right it's a chip! my shoulders carry some i deserve others i don't but in the end only one name really matters because shoulders were made for greatness, not dandruff when we say "study"! you say "haul"! study! haul! everything you need to ready, set, go! back to school. modern life deserves a mit's sold out.ay. don't fret, my friend. i masterpassed it! you can use it online and on your phone i masterpassed it. you got the tickets? onward! playing the hero: priceless masterpass. the secure way to pay from your bank don't just buy it. masterpass it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. still to come, vince staples. our next guest is a london-born, california-raised model and actress and music video sensation too who thinks she can insult my mother and get away with it. please welcome emily ratajkowski. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you know, i was mad at you but now you walked out i feel okay with everything. >> we have a lot to talk about. we have a beef, i guess. >> jimmy: we have a eve. you're right. we do literally have a beef. because after i hosted the emmys last year and after the emmys -- >> great. he was great. [ applause ] >> jimmy: at that show my mother made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for everyone in the audience. you were one of the people in the audience. you ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? yes? >> i did. >> jimmy: then after the emmys -- >> i was one of the few people who ate them. a lot of people don't eat in hollywood. >> jimmy: now you're making it worse. [ laughter ] and after the emmys you were caught by a cameraman from tmz and this happened. >> did you try any of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? >> you know, i had one too many bites. i regret -- >> you did? >> they weren't good, too. >> poorly made? >> yeah. >> okay. can i -- >> jimmy: emily, why do you hate my mother? >> can i just say, jimmy, i don't think your mother made my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. >> jimmy: now you're calling her a liar. [ laughter ] >> mine was sort of like taped to the bottom of my chair. >> jimmy: that's how she makes them. she tapes them. [ laughter ] >> i felt like the good ones were being handed out. those were the fresh ones. but to your mother i really apologize. and maybe to you. because maybe you had to eat those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know what, my mother would make peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwiches, which i now realize isn't the slightest bit healthy. >> why didn't i get one of those? >> jimmy: we didn't make those. >> it's not her specialty. >> jimmy: are you someone who cooks? >> i'm not someone who cooks. i'm someone who eats a lot. >> jimmy: well, obviously. [ laughter ] >> that's what everyone thinks. and then they think i'm being cute when i say i eat. but i'm actually not cute about it at all. >> jimmy: i believe that. because i'll tell you something. i've seen kelly ripa eat a steak that was the size of like a basset hound. [ laughter ] >> and she's a small lady. a basset hound is about half her size. >> jimmy: but some people have a high metabolism or something. do you have that? >> i guess so. because you should see my refrigerator. it's pretty insane. i have a relationship with -- >> jimmy: i would love to see your refrigerator. >> it's basically indian food, thai food, and preferably when i'm horizontal in bed i've had people come over and watch me eat and then say i've lost all respect for you. >> jimmy: it's kind of gross to eat in bed. in fact, it brings us to our next subject, which is a photograph that was posted on reddit. tell me the story. this is a former production assistant for something you were doing? >> just so everyone knows, this is my car. >> jimmy: that's the inside of your car. >> no longer. but she was my baby for about eight years. and you know, when most people sa their car is messy they mean like oh, yeah, i have some dog hair and like one iced coffee. no, no, no. i'm not cute messy. i'm real messy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so one day i went on reddit, which no one should do, to look up their own name. and i saw something that i was like oh, good, someone said something nice about me, like emily ratajkowski's great to work with, da, da, da, da. and then i clicked on it and he's like, "and then i drove her car." >> jimmy: why did he drive your car? >> because he was a production assistant. and like he found the right parking or whatever. >> jimmy: is the reason you didn't get this car washed because you knew there was so much disgusting stuff inside there? >> i think it made me feel at home. >> jimmy: is your home also a garbage dump? >> no. [ laughter ] it truly is a garbage dump, though. so i cleaned the car out before i got rid of it. and there was everything from tampons to a marionette. >> jimmy: i love the reaction to tampons. the guys are like oh, no, now it's too much. [ laughter ] >> they were mixed -- they were so deep you wouldn't have even noticed them. there was sort of like a landing zone for your feet when you came in so you could be padded. and then bring them up here. >> jimmy: is your new car also disgusting? >> we're only two weeks into the new car. >> jimmy: i see. do you miss the car? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: did you say good-bye to it when it was gone? >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: did the car have a name? >> i'm bad at parallel parking. so i always called it bubble butt. because her butt would just sort of always be out. but yeah. >> jimmy: are you a good driver in general? >> i'm an excellent driver, jimmy. next time i'll pick you up and we can go for a cruise. >> jimmy: i don't know if you'd ever see me again if you picked me up in something like that. [ laughter ] >> are you a clean person? >> jimmy: here's the weird thing about me. i'm a very clean person. i'm sure you noticed that just smelling me when i came out. i'm very fastidious about my fingernails. beautiful fingernails. >> that's the kind of thing i don't notice because i'm not a clean person. >> jimmy: oh, you're not in general. my car is clean, but everything else, my office is a mess, my -- >> why is the car? >> jimmy: i leave a trail of things from the front door all the way up to the bedroom. i don't know why it is. and my wife is exactly the opposite. she's very neat at home, very clean, but then i open her car and it's like a recycling bin or something. a thousand empty water bottles will come out of the car. >> yeah, it's exactly the same thing. my car was so bad that when i went to go get my 2016 christmas tree we had to take the ties off from the 2015 christmas tree. and i did it before the guy noticed. i was like, oh, [ bleep ]. found some scissors in the back seat and cut it off really quickly. people would stop me. they'd be like excuse me. and i'd be like oh, god, they're going to recognize me and want a picture. they're like you have a wire hanging out of your car. it was the tie from the christmas tree. >> jimmy: i assumed you were from another country. when i saw you in that "blurred lines" video and i saw what your name was. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i didn't realize you're an american. >> i'm from southern california. >> jimmy: congratulations on that. where are you from here in southern california? >> san diego. >> jimmy: grew up there? >> grew up there. was born in london. so sometimes people think i'm going to have a british accent. i really throw them when i start saying like and gnarly and -- >> jimmy: were your parents actors and models and beautiful people? >> they're beautiful people. just as your mother is, obviously. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, thanks. >> no, my dad was actually my high school art teacher. >> jimmy: he was your art teacher. >> yes. my art teacher. >> jimmy: would you drive to school with your dad every day? >> i did. and my dad was the cool art teacher. he always wore flip-flops, always had an apron. i'd be in class and he'd be like wandering the hallways. he was a good dad. he tried to give me my space. >> jimmy: the only thing he didn't teach you is to keep your car clean. >> he tried, actually. he actually raked my room one time with an actual rake. [ laughter ] i'm serious. you guys think i'm kidding. i'm not kidding. and i came home and everything was in trash bags. he's a very clean guy. he's kind of like you. >> jimmy: well, i'm not that clean. but compared to you -- >> i saw your fingernails. >> jimmy: oscar the grouch is clean comparatively. >> i know. [ laughter ] it's a big deal i'm sharing this with the world. >> jimmy: thank you for being here. i'll sniengtz over with my mother. emily ratajkowski, everybody. she lives in a garbage can. we'll be right back with vince staples and juicy j! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. vo: jack's got your back.hits, jack: somebody craving my smoky jack burger? vo: the smoky jack burger combo for $4.99. vo: hickory-smoked bacon, smoked cheddar cheese, vo: all on an artisan poppyseed bun. vo: plus fries and a refreshing drink. vo: all for just $4.99. man: thanks, jack! jack: you're welcome. vo: the new smoky jack burger combo for just $4.99. vo: only at jack in the box. ♪ sun to the farm ♪ ♪ to the seeds in a row ♪ ♪ goodness begins with the seed that you sow ♪ ♪ plant that oat and watch it grow ♪ ♪ good goes around and around and around ♪ ♪ seed to the oat ♪ to get made to an o ♪ ♪ o from the farm ♪ ♪ straight into your bowl ♪ put in the good and the good will grow ♪ ♪ good goes around and around and around ♪ ♪ good goes around and around... ♪ >> dicky: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: thanks to matt lebl c leblanc. thanks to emily ratajkowski. apologies to matt damon. we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next. but first, his latest album "big fish theory" is out now. here with the song "big fish" with help from juicy j, vince staples! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hands up ♪ hands up ♪ hands up >> you can get anything you want. >> how y'all doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night balling so far from my past misfortune ♪ ♪ no sleepin' late nights no eatin' gun squeezing ♪ ♪ i'm a real artesian ramona i was round that corner still down ♪ ♪ i'm a norf norf soldier g slide right down do sawyer when we slide you won't see morning ♪ ♪ another story of a young black man tryna make it up out that jam ♪ ♪ bag back let me make my bands got plans ♪ ♪ if you hatin' don't shake my hand take it easy homie ♪ ♪ reminiscin' sitting in that benz of the 22 bus stop way back when ♪ ♪ with the 22 5 shot eyes on scan for the click clack ♪ ♪ clap or the boop bop bam ♪ cuz i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's funny i was going crazy not too long ago women problems every ♪ ♪ morning like the maury show swimming upstream while i'm tryna ♪ ♪ keep my bread from the sharks make me wanna put the hammer to my head ♪ ♪ at the park politickin' with the kids tryna get em on a straight path ♪ ♪ got the lames mad know they hate to see me make cash got the space dash ♪ ♪ in the foreign with the gps addressed to your mama house ♪ ♪ compensation conversations what i'm all about took the smart route never been marked out ♪ ♪ shoulda been dead broke shoulda been chalked out but it didn't happen now it's time to ♪ ♪ get it cracking quarterbackin' like i'm 40 water mix the holy water with the voss ♪ ♪ wanna be the boss then you gotta pay the cost learned it from ♪ ♪ the dogg i'm from long beach that's the city where the skinny ♪ ♪ carry strong heat i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ ♪ i was up late night ballin' countin' up hundreds by the thousand ♪ >> make some noise right now for "jimmy kimmel live." [ cheers and applause ] tonight on a special edition of "nightline," a city underwater. dramatic rescues from the sky. bedridden patients carried out of nursing homes. but now even evacuation shelters are flooding. we're with one family returning to the place they used to call home. chainsawing through the wreckage. what they find. and tonight an alarming new threat. the owner of a chemical plant warning the place is poised to explode. plus, harvey's angels. incredible acts of heroism and sacrifice. businesses opening their doors to hundreds in need. >> lots of beds. lots of food. we've got water. and we can even bring your animals. >> and a joyful reunion. the grandmother rescued by a stranger on a jet-ski and brought together with her

Related Keywords

New York , United States , Norway , Thailand , United Kingdom , Dungeness , Kent , Valley Ranch , California , Italy , Hollywood , Russia , London , City Of , Reunion , Thai , Russian , America , American , British , Lynn Lindsay , Guillermo , Diana Krall , Matt Leblanc , Jimmy Kimmel , Matt Damon , Jim Parsons , Jimmy , Matt Leblanc Emily , John Lithgow , Kelly Ripa , Diego Jimmy , Madonna Jimmy , Peter ,

© 2024 Vimarsana

comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.