Name assignment (add as many of these useless qualifiers as you can) The date three days before you actually wrote the essay so you can act like you wrote it before you did. Essay Title You want a nice big beefy indent to start off your paragraph. Do anything to take up space. Start off your essay with a vaguely relevant quote that you can tie any aspect of your essay to, âInsert famous platitude taken out of context here.â Then restate the quote in your own words. Next, essentially repeat the five lines of notes you wrote in sentence form. Now take the obvious take away from your topic and make that your thesis. In this essay I will demonstrate that⦠obvious thesis. This is true because, reason one, reason two and reason three. All three reasons will get their own paragraphs. The goal is to make this the most boring and predictable essay ever.