But did anyone know josh, that the seats about the previous seats, did they know what seats were on previously . They were terrible. Yeah, yeah , they were terrible. Yeah, yeah, its so good. You okay . Josh, im just so happy. Weve been asking for new seats. You seem. Its a sign that the gods are looking on us and shining and going, recognising us for our great work. Yes. Its where the. Its the money. Theyre not paying me has gone into the seats. But its worth it, you know it is worth it. You know what, josh . Thats going to be an hour in a Mainstream Media article, presenter goes mad about seats on gb news. The metro is going to be all over that. To be all over that. Oh, this is my. Im gonna go viral. I know as nothing is that is that will be a story. How are you, cressida . Im fine. Yeah. Im fine. Yeah. Im fine. Yeah. I mean, this is very exciting. You dont care about your new seat the other day. And you know what, josh, i underplayed it. I regret that i did. You cant. The audience at home dont get it. Because the way this new seat, the way its cupping my buttocks, its like im going to be so funny for you tonight because of this seat. Tonight because of this seat. Okay, talk about your buttocks. Twitter is already seems like a great moment to go to the front pages, so lets do the daily mail and worst whooping cough outbreak in 40 years. The telegraph has. Hunt urges banks not to rush rate cuts. The guardian goes with fear and trepidation as 100,000 people flee raf bombardment. The mirror whooping cough warning the times has truancy up by a fifth on fridays. And finally, the daily star. We want to see big pictures of uranus. If i just said that on my own , it would be said that on my own, it would be a big problem. But its on the daily star, so its fine. Those are your front pages. And what is on the front of the times . Josh, do you think that did it what you just said . Yeah. Is that recorded . I have no idea i missed it. Do you think the audience heard what you said . Its funny. If they heard it or not. If they heard it or not. Isnt it . It is funny. Do you want to say what you said again . I just said nailed it, mate. But i thought it would be hilarious if they hear it or if they dont. That took a big risk. Either way, it was good. It was. Thank you. Nailed it. It was. Thank you. Nailed it. But you laughed at me so at me, with me, with you. Was it with it . Felt at. Well, its his catchphrase, isnt it . He likes saying nailed it, nailed it. People like it. Josh. People like it. Josh. No, no. Its good. Be airy. Big numbers. The times very exciting here. Angelina jolie and brad pitt are back together, which is amazing. Oh wow. Oh no. Thats an old photo. Okay, so thats not so great. I thought thats not so great. I thought that i thought falklands veteran. Oh man, i thought nature was healing. I thought it was like brexit was gonna be reversed. Youre desperate for good news, arent you . This is this is all good. Oh, well, all right then. Truancy up by a fifth on fridays. Oh, weve had this a lot , these kind of since lot, these kind of since obviously covid and since the government and the opposition showed how flippant they would be with our childrens education. Then guess what . Then parents went, oh, well, i guess if no ones that bothered then we will go away for a long weekend , right . Weekend, right . If nothing matters. Yeah, yeah. If our childrens education doesnt matter. They showed it wasnt important. I absolutely agree with you. So what are you going to do . You know, i mean, it is important. And we should. But but that was the example that they gave, correct . Its just human nature, isnt it . Its like when they put us in lockdown. Everyone who is in the laptop class went, oh, this is great, im going to finally write that novel. Write that novel. And very few people emerge from lockdown with a novel. A lot of people had beer bellies, drinking problems, those sort of fun things, yes, but they did use that exact voice. I like that impression of the sort of classic guardian easter. But you know what . I agree on all this. Theres one thing i would add, though. People are kids are taking time off now for minor ailments. That didnt happen when i was younger. Major ailments. You went in. I remember second year junior school. My mum sent me in there. Take me out of class. I was literally shaking before that was a meme. I was literally shaking. Youre always shaking. Youre always shaking. No, i had a i had actual temperature, but my mum was like, go in anyway. Youll get a in two days. You can have two days off. She meant the weekend. Okay. Thats what she used to say. But now its minor ailments. Well, i once broke my collarbone and my parents just ignore me for the whole dinner party. True story. Thats dark. And i believe that about your childhood. Yeah. Okay. Maybe we should move on on that bleak note and do the guardian questionnaire. Fear and trepidation has 100,000 people flee rafe bombardment, yeah. So more people are fleeing in gaza, so un Officials Say yesterday thats where the figure comes from. 100,000. I know sometimes the figures come from hamas. These are from un. Well, theyre not dead or anything like that. Theyre just saying that 100,000 people have fled. They havent said, by the way, that they fled because they were given leaflets and given telephone calls and said to get out so we can prevent civilian casualties. Exactly, its not because hamas went round and knocked on their doors and said, we dont want you guys to come to any any trouble. Do do leave. Do do leave. Do do leave. Yeah. I was hoping you were going to do a sort of arabic accent. Absolutely not. Josh. Absolutely not. Josh. No, i mean, its terrible, isnt it . Who would want to be displaced in a war zone . Its horrendous. Horrendous. Josh, without getting mad, do you agree that this rafah thing is losing israel popularity in the world . That its that its like a i think that people hate jews and this is the excuse that they need. Is there no legitimate case for people who are just concerned . I mean, even even the us . Biden. Yeah. No , no, biden is being no, no, biden is being pathetic. Theyre all being pathetic. Theyre all being pathetic. If anybody could give me a solution of how to defeat hamas without going into rafah, i think thats brilliant. And without any , any civilian without any, any civilian casualties in a war that israel didnt start, then. Yeah. Say didnt start, then. Yeah. Say it. Thats what no one ever says is how do you defeat hamas . Israel cannot have hamas on its border. Thats just the reality. Nothing is going to change that. Israel has to get back its citizens, by the way, including five us citizens as well, that biden seems to have chucked under the bus and never mentions. So what can they do . They are in a position if you know hamas could surrender, of course they could give up the hostages. They could surrender and then save casualties, save peoples lives. But of course, hamas doesnt care about that anyway. Its so annoying when people sort of give all of their sort of, oh, israel has a ceasefire. We cant israel cant ceasefire. We cant israel cant go in. Well say what they should do then just give up. I suppose. I suppose if youre gonna make the counterargument very briefly, i suppose it would be youre not going to knock out hamas type groups anyway, you know, a bit like some people think ukraine is unwinnable. If its unwinnable, its just more. No, no, its very winnable casualties. But thats the thing is, its very winnable. Israel has already defeated a huge amount of hamas members. Its not like they dont have the technological ability to defeat hamas. Itsjust technological ability to defeat hamas. Its just they want to kill or want to ensure that the least amount of civilians die as they do so. So, i mean, the idea that its a genocide thats going on when theyve deliberately held back to prevent exactly that is ridiculous. And as you say, 100,000 people are leaving. Israel is letting the idf are letting them go, letting the civilians out, encouraging them to get out so they can get in and destroy hamas. So okay, but theres a big story here, though, by the way, which is sort of hidden in the corner. Starmer pledges to rip up rwanda scheme. So this is starmer with a policy which is interesting. His idea is to defer the 775, 75 million or so and make invest that in the police to kind of investigate these, people traffickers and whatnot. You know, its a plan. Maybe itll work. I dont know, its just vaguely depressing. The amount of energy money and time has been spent on rwanda. And as soon as he gets in, itll be like in the bin. But thats politics, isnt it . Thats the system we have. What about the daily mail, then . Josh . Yeah. Worst whooping cough outbreak in 40 years. Five babies dead as experts blame for fall in vaccination rates. That could be obviously pre covid we had the old the old, mmr jabs and all that furore back then. But the sad i mean, god, its just you cant even imagine the stress and the horror of whats happened here. But three of the five grieving mothers had had the jabs during the pregnancy specifically to protect their children. So the fact that this. Yeah, well, thats not going to give people much faith in the jab then, is it . Well, theyre saying that its got this, this particular type. Yes. Is less effective as a less effective version. And a less effective version. And its just stories like this are just too horrible to contemplate, i think. And theres a slightly more light hearted story. And theres a slightly more light hearted story. Stormy light hearted story. Stormy daniels if id made up my story about sex with trump, id have written it a lot better. But i dont think that actually stands up in court as a legal defence. But anyway, what about the daily star, then . The daily star . The daily star . We want to see big pictures of uranus, so some space boffins want to launch an up close and personal mission to uranus so they can photograph whats lurking there, lol , yeah. Its, lurking there, lol, yeah. Its, its a new mission. Why is there a picture . Is that rishi sunak . Its a picture of rishi sunak. That rishi sunak . Its a picture of rishi sunak. Yeah, with of rishi sunak. Yeah, with a rocket on it. Is that what hes going to be doing after the election . Yeah. Flying off new role as a space boffin. He is quite smart, apparently, though maybe not competent enough to be actually in space. Im not sure i love the star. If anything ever did happen to gb news, i hope i could go and write for the star you just take. Its just a bingo game. You just take boffins. Seagulls. Yes, a few other terms. You just smash them up. I know, but i feel like the same time theyve messed up this front page because in the, in the again in the left corner is elvis was in my bacon. I feel like thats a much more important, relevant story than in the big pictures of uranus. I feel like they should have. That should have been the header. Well, its the star. It could be back on the front page within weeks. Josh, i hope you might get to do it yet. Yes. All right. Well elvis was in my bacon or uranus. Im not sure which is the most pressing story you decide at home, but that is a front pages deau home, but that is a front pages dealt with and coming up Nadhim Zahawi steps down. Natalie elphicke starts her apology tour and eurovision gets nasty. Also, were hosting a night with headliners live and you can join us all for an evening of comedy with andrew doyle leo varadkar, simon evans and even josh. I was ianed simon evans and even josh. I was invited but i wasnt available. So for more information, scan the qr code on screen or visit gbnews. Com. There it is. You got a fancy qr code which i forgot was coming up. Ill bring the chair. Ill bring the chair. Ill bring the chair. Yeah, ive tweeted it as well. It made more sense to do my welcome back to headliners. Im nick dixon, still here with josh howie and chris dan wootton. Havent bothered writing an extra joke for the second bit, but. So lets just crack on and do the metro , right . Yeah. Its do the metro, right . Yeah. Its fine. Im comfortable with it. Lets do the metro and this next story sounds like the most horrific thing weve ever covered. Pretty much ever. But if you actually read it, its even worse. Josh, it sure is. Man jailed for 22 years for making testicles salad then eating it. That is not a euphemism that is a real testicle salad. This is a guy called his nickname the eunuch maker. I wonder why that is. And he performed illegal castrations live streamed them on the dark web and was jailed for 22 years. Illegal thats the problem. Thats what bothered me about this story. The illegality of the castration. Yes. Well, a good old legal one, but not not illegal because some of these people actually gave him permission. Thats the crazy thing. Thats thats a huge part of the story. Yeah. Its a very so this is eating their corn and i know this is. Yeah. And he also this is a separate thing. But the nhs was forced to amputate his leg because he froze it. And then he had his own willy nipple. So but had his own willy nipple. So but the difference is that when he did it like and got paid is the difference between, people chopping like people who work for the nhs, chopping off healthy bits of children when they think theyve got gender dysmorphia. So thats the difference. There its a big deal difference. There its a big deal. Obviously were talking Mental Health issues here. I dont think the nhs are streaming it either. I know im not streaming, but doctors are getting paid to, yeah , to do terrible things to yeah, to do terrible things to children 22 years. This does send a clear message, doesnt it, to anyone else whos thinking of, of doing this. Yeah. No copy, no copycat crime. Feel appropriate, yeah. He was a married before this. Was a married before this. Amazingly, that was very upsetting after he got married. But no, it started after he. His relationship broke down. Okay, so it sounds like the defence or the explanation is its to do with control, but i just thought it was stunning that somebody was into doing this. Had found a partner. I think thats amazing. Think thats amazing. That is shocking. Thats like. Thats like give you hope. Thats like how thats horrible. Thats like how thats horrible. Thats like how thats horrible. Thats like thats like how ted bundy has had a girlfriend. Hes like, oh, hes nice when you get to know him and all this madness. Anyway, apologies for anyone trying to get sleep or eating their breakfast. Just blanket apologies to everybody to the nation. Yeah. All right, lets move. But not to Matthew Sweet whos trying to clip this. Definitely not. Lets do the guardian and Nadhim Zahawi has announced hell be standing down as an mp at the next election. I think i speak for all of us when i say, yeah, cool. Whatever. Cressida Nadhim Zahawi to stand down as mp at the next general election , so hes hes general election, so hes hes the latest in a long line of conservative mps to pack it in. Hes the 64th, lucky 64, is it . No. Oh well hell find out wont he, so this is the guy who was briefly the chancellor under boris, and then he eventually got sacked because he didnt declare an hmrc investigation , declare an hmrc investigation, which he had to pay £5 million for as you do. Which is funny , for as you do. Which is funny, isnt it . I work with money and im being investigated. But angela rayner, you know, that second house situation, theres look, theres a lot going on, isnt there, with everyone, anyway , so hes done everyone, anyway, so hes done this letter and thats really the significant part of this for us, hes done this, this letter that sort of , us, hes done this, this letter that sort of, arguably a bit over the top. Yeah its like a sort of poetry. Its got some some shakespeare in it. I know youve got some specific quotes. Yeah, i think weve got it up or weve got a picture of it, think. Okay , here we go. A haiku. He okay, here we go. A haiku. He begins, with the exception of convincing my wife to marry me, its been the greatest honour of my life to represent the people of stratford on avon. And later on, he gets quite into. He goes every morning as i shave my head in the mirror, i have to pinch myself. And later he even even talks about my most famous constituent. He means shakespeare once wrote , go to shakespeare once wrote, go to your bosom, knock there and ask your bosom, knock there and ask your heart what it doth know. So yeah, you got a bit carried away. And he says, parting is such sweet sorrow. Its like all right. You were chancellor for two months. Just made it in a little bit, you know what i mean . But, you know, im sure hes a nice guy. Its nice to see a different type of letter, but it was just a bit like, just say, you know, im off. The tories a toast. See you later, right . Yeah. I never get my pension. Whatever. He also says here helping his constituents in the time of need remains one of the most meaningful things ive ever done. So it means he did it once. Yeah, thats not true. Poor old nadeem. I mean , its poor old nadeem. I mean, its just. I mean, the reason i dont really care. I mean, im sure hes a great guy, as i say, but i just the tories are just of course theyre all leaving. I mean it just now or in a few months after you lose the election doesnt really matter, does it . Yeah sinking ship. Yeah. Sinking ship. Yeah. Get in there first. Just quick, quick before getting there. 64th. Yeah. 64th. Yeah. All right. Done that one. Lets do the mail. And thousands of protesters are calling for the israeli eurovision singer to be excluded from the competition. It must be a pretty bad song. Josh. Yeah, imagine how bad it is. Yeah, israeli eurovision singer, eden golan is, ordered to stay in a hotel room by a security team. Thousands of pro palestine protesters, including keffiyeh wearing greta thunberg, gather in malmo, calling for her to be excluded. This 20 year old jewish woman and people saying leave her alone as shes theyre protesting. Shes 21. So i think we could say whatever we want to about greta when shes bullying about greta when shes bullying a 20 year old. Oh yes. If you see like the thousands of people outside this poor young womans hotel room, and she was escorted to the venue, like, with, like, a hundred police cars and an armoured vehicle. I mean , this armoured vehicle. I mean, this is, like, just nasty stuff. This is, like, just nasty stuff. This is meant the whole eurovision. The whole point of it is to be a sort of celebration of what makes us the same. And having a bunch of barely concealed racists shouting out, because this young jewish woman is singing, representing the only jewish country in the world, is ridiculous. Its disgusting. It ridiculous. Its disgusting. It makes me very upset. Yeah, it does seem very silly. And all this kind of excluding people. It reminds me of the russian tennis players when they were banned. But then again, eurovision has always been very political. What do you think, crystal . I think her attitude towards this, the singer, is just extraordinary. That shes carrying on. I mean, i would be in no mood for performing at this point when theres thousands of people she got through, by the way. She got through the quarterfinals. Shes going to be in the final, right . I just found out like, okay, well, thats extra ordinary. Yeah. She initially went in with a song called october rain and then claimed it