Oh, i agree. T star happy monday, everybody. Lets get started. Donald ttrump has demanded a drt for joe biden for the first debate. Biden privately told aidesn pr f he wants my , he can get it from my seat cushion. [ ke everyone else. A woman threatened a Womalan Swamwo through shark infested waters in san francisco, saying the sharks werent even interested in her. Wow. Even the sharks are. Rk New York City is in peak pollen season. On the bright side, a stuffny makes it harder to smell the piles of. Smell irans president Abraham Raisi D ,was found dead after his right. I didnt expect that but should be Grateful Dead after his crashed in a remote mountainous region. Locae inousl investigators blame the weather and the jews. Why not . . D how about the jews president raisi was known as the butcher of iran. Now hes known as the groundf beef of iran of. Amid of divorce. Ben affleck and j. Lo were seen together at an event satur on sunday. Ben was able to avoid photographers by taking covedar behind jlos. C thats cheap but true. Disturbing video appears to show Sean Diddy Combs assaulting singer cassie ventura. Combscomb defended the move, saying i was sampling ike turner. Y oh, that goes toano far. That goes too far. Oh, we have limits make fun. Make fun of bad people. Charges will likely be dropped against pro golfer Scottie Scheffle r afterr The Cops Body Cam was found hille off during the incidenr T Hillary Clinton remarked this reminds me of when i murden r epstein. Audie yeah, this is my audience. And in New York City, law student went to rehab focheer a Cheese Addiction that had her eating nearly six blocks of cheese per week. Thats Nothinghing Sai said one. Right. Lets do a monologue. That was fun. So talso lets talk about bill. Hes the only only two giving away the surprise. Heshes only other talk show ht besides me that hasnt worn blackface. Is but the night young. No. Ha ha. It is fox. But weirdly, hes been saying stuff that i like. Theres a guy in the newsd named harrison bunker. I cant express how much thise guy is not like me. Hes religious. He loves marriage. He loves kids. Wom he said some of you talking to this. May go of you mayokay, go on to lead successful careers in theth world. Okay. That seems fairly like modern, but i would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excitedage and about b marriage and the children you will bring into this world. I dont see what the big crime is. I really dont. And i think thise people h part of the problem people have with the left is that lots of people in this countrhesg y are like. Like hes saying, some of you may go on to lead successful careersof, but a lot of you are excited about this other way that people everybody used t that to be. And now can they cantoi that just be a choiccee to whom something is happening . 180 could this be the biggest one since bruce jenner replacejd his tracksuit for a hoop skirt . N o. The fact is, bills likely seeing a party go in a directiosen that deviates what we used to call sanity. And bill and i have moreosts o in common than you think. Were both hosts of successfulcc shs. Sful we can both fold our legs bot behind our heads, and we both carry around canadian quarters to give to the but. O but we alsago agree on todays insanity. In bills great new book, Judgi He Talks about presentism, which means judging everyone. In the pastn by the standars of the present. He says its like getting mad at yourself today for notknn knowing what you know now. When you were ten. Rea i feel the same way when i read my old diaries. To think i wanted to be one of charlies angels. Ad som but i also feel that way when i read some of the stufe fy wrote years ago, i could see that i let my concerns about Terror Mistakenl Terroy Me that safety trumped freedom. Does bill feeldo that way whenhi watching older episodes of real time . Id as hk him if he were here tonight. Oh wait, he is all right. See, today. Todays world can create bedfellows. I mean, bill maher and greg gutfeld together. Er i thats like kat timpf in ozempic, dr. Drew and dr. Kevorkian. Dana perino in barocco one, loves to take dogs for a walk te and the other likes to cook dogs in a walk. Thats right. President obama wanted a dog. Ini just have to remind everybody. But bills right. Judging the past the againste ps the present is pointless and lazy. Sure, people in the past mightes look ignorant compared to us now, with perhaps the exceptiol not letting women vote. Now are ads that the left irritates and frustrates him, but the right alarms him. Thats exactly how i feel about. Versus impregnating imp my dg wawalker. Instea but i get itd that instead of listening to the saner voices on opposing Sides Oftene Fu Focus on the nuts because its fun. Protesters are more fun to expose than debating a nerd on the middle east. E middlegod, that sounds boring. Id be the one stepping in front of traffic. On and likewise, its easier forn the demsth to focus on january o six than the millions of decent people who think trump is is ty. Ay the question, however, is which crazies have more sway . The right nuts come from below a fever swamp of reddian rt andq and on the left though they come from above and they make progrese ans. The mayo clinic just apologized for saying there are two sexes. S heads of childrens schools announced will no longer use the terms Boys And Girls do, just creamed. Another slew of in a high gir School Championship race. And they totallyls ruined ghostbusters with an all female castemale. E only call me old fashioned,t but the only place women should bes is ing ghost the kitchen. Oh. Bill is here for a few reasons. Hes selling a book, which we never do at fox. M but also, when was the last time we had two normal people from different sides disagree in front of other people . Exactly. There you go. So here. O here the goal is to understand ,not undermine, to see that people at fox arent bat crazy. And people over there arent all transgender pro terror bike sengers. Essers some of them. Are just crossdressers. And but theres one thing we might always disagree on, even trump. S pers even though i cant argue with bill over trumps personalitonmp hy. Sure, trump has no filter, but neither do the joints that bill smokes. T its true. But i wonder if bill trump has tic tacs. Is this is called biden tic tacs. U se can you see it . Top . This costs more money than the one that was like ten times bigger. Thisn times. Inflation. But americans are not struggling. You know, this is the worsts cal platform. Who put this stage up. Is not worth the freaking placen is falling down. I notice it keeps tilting further left. What a contractor this life. Thats trump. He insults people. But t i insui insult people. ,if i stopped insultingth people, what would be left of this . Happy monday, everyone. Yelove you, america. That would be itt,. His blus and yet, trumps deeds mos affected by his bluster. Hes the most antiwaril president ive seen. And unlike Joe Andlary H he goe. After individuals in power, not the masses. He doesntsnt slam millio slams of people. Is racist, perhaps because in his mind, he still thinks he can wine thinn over. Hes a populist. And in a world where the elites locked us downerke, then went to find restaurant that matters. Point is, its the least point t the populist who pushed insane covid measures reversed and child mutilation under the ruse of gender affirmation. True, trump refuses to concede elections. Hes like an athlete whosthey convinced the umps were rigged. If only the other side did the samenvinced. I think its also criticalt to understand that, as ive been tellinghis who have come to see me, you can run the bestc campaignam. You can even become the nominee and you can have the election stolen from you. Now people , people say Trump Traffics in hate, but i think hes got competition. D Donaltrd Trump and the maga Republicans Representedrepres extremism that threatens the veryen of our Republic Magao Republicans look at america and see carnage and darkness and despair. They spread fear and lies. Well, that speech was as uniting to america as Lorena Bobbitt was to a. G tobut sorry, dana. But the big criticism the big criticism is that trump lies. Fine, but as opposed to who . Obama and hillary brought us three years of russiagate. Joe says the number one threadn is white supremacy, the border securega. And inflation was 9 when he took over. Those are double whopper se with cheese. This guy got elected pe the fine People Hoax Pushedfi the, trump said drink bleach hoax. He claims he was marching for civil rights. Top of his class and law school fonner up state scoring champ football. Yet the only proof he played footballotball i is the brain ds whats this . I know that was me. Th what does trump lie about . Things like the size of the crowd, his inauguration or his . Not looking like i should talk. I mean, who among usmong . I tell everyone. My audience is huge and that i bent it playing footballg. People also call trump ay no clown. Fine. But when you work in a circus, why not be the clown theeats. Ee it beats cleaning up after the elephants. The governments a circurn thes. The idiots are the ones d who give it the respect it deserves. Look, no oneseser no asking you to love the guy. Great leaders are always hated. Bill parcells. Players hated him. The same with vince lombardi. And of course, theres joe jacksoi ann. Fact the guy you hate might be better at the big issues than the guy who claims his Uncle Wa Cuncls eaten by cannibals. Either way, i dont expect to change bills d on trump,pec but thats the point. Not everyones going to agre hi and if you need to have everyone agree with you on every single thing, youre goinggl be very, verydo e lonely. When do the other people talk . You ar other pe most. [ ch i have anotheree hour. You know, i cut back. That said, youre off the show. I changed my mind. Im changing my mind. Anywayy,. Youre going to be very lonely. Very lonelouy. If you want everybody to agree with you. Which explains why Joy Bejar Goesh yo three a month. Ould b this would be the ideal time for a song. Im so sorry, mr. Bill. My stupid. I didnt see that we agreed. Such as guys. I realize that we we share the same philosophy. And you didnt shut down my magic and vine was fineg ali surprising alignment. And so, mr. Mana, i say w one more time, and i have foundy a way. Im sorry. Well, for asking. Hes got more Eminem Intentionse now. And one brother took some real time. Denmart and thk blubbering abou. And under the new book, what this comedian said willll shock bill maher. He once gets a ride on a hot whale coast of americas f newsroom and the five dana perino, hes Crossing Exams have a four month waiting list. Chief patient officer for wellw. Ew yorany dr. Dre shes tough as nails but easy bs on the scales. New york times best selling author, contributor, catholi c. Tha nk welcome to the show, bill. Thank you. So sofar far, so fun. I have a few quibbles. Okay. Go for quibble way. Mr. Squib. Well, i mean, i that its greatq that were talking. I agree that we agre e on somee th things. Were not exactly aligned on the most important alignet, h is basically trump is someone who does not concedetions. Y. Thats the most important thing. Yeah. You dont seem to see itos that. Thats the most important thing thats going on in this country. He de laste the last election. Hes not going to concede this election. You dont know gre dont k th. You dont see into the future. Bill. I dont see you. Yeahstal, i did. G abou i did. Because i was the only one who was talking about that way back whebackn. And everybody said, oh, you smoked too much pot. Turned out i smoked just tu of. Ght amount theres no right amount. But can you really picture this guy going, you know what . I lost . T. Ts iats he did. He left. He left because he had to leave ge. To he quit . Yes, but thats what thats how it works. Well, what do you think hes going to liked up bought ut the white house . You know, pull a straw dog. Si dont know dustin hoffman, but last time he thought the other republicans would back him up when he called that guy in georgia and said i need 11,000 votes. I want you to he said he said fine. He didnt say create. Ai he said find. Well, thats the same thing. No, its not. You dont on an easter egg, find them that want you to create easter eggs. You have a show. All right, dr. Drew. Maybe my settlement showed every Television Ever to do was politically incorrect, which you stolavouritewae. This. This is. This is exactly what it looked looeisxcept the differencincorc politically incorrect was purposely mixing people with differen t viewpoints is what were doing tonight. Yes. This greg t is why it doesnt work. Oh, no, im kidding. No so, dr. Drew. D at yes, sir. We you, you youre really good at diagnosing mental illness. M . What is bills proble wow. I feel. About tr no, let me. Let me. It does feel personal about trump with bill. Its not. It feels that way. No, i dont think so. O its just a difference of if he did sort of. U . Did he sue you . Of course i didnt know that. D really . No. Hes news. Yes. I dont follow everything in your life, bill. Well, that was kind of. Yes. He showed me ed me be h. I said he possibly was the son of an orangutan. Oh. Hmf anm. Because we showed the picture. He looks exactly like the hair e. It looks exactly like it. You know whats interesting is very pertains to orange. He is always been the stand up p politician. Right . Olitician and nobut now hes sog towards carrot top, some of the stuff hes doing at the podium with the tic tacs and everything. Hes really becoming a comedic ian at the podium. E po well, you knodiw what . Izes he realizes that hes winning. I think thats bothering you, bill. It is bothering me because, again, hes an insurrection. He doesnt believe in democracy he is t. So of course, is bothering me. And of course, hes also insane and a criminal and except forg h that. But i got to say that illern t, like, what works for him. Like, when you saw that clip,t h you just showed. I mean, look, hes almost the same agees bide as biden, but Biden Presents as old. Yeah, ancient. Yeah. That does not look old. No, it doesnt. Ass not present as old . The yeah, i mean, he is hes like hes like, kispains he puts on the wig and the face paint and its 1970 six all overn here again. Those are the days. Dana, lets bring you in her s as the other orange one. Yes. That reall by is bright. Thi just thinking about tang. Hae i love tang. C if we could sit here and havesae a conversation, why cant other americans . I think mos . I think most amn yeah, i think a lot of this is actually online and that it is people thinking that america is so polarized when an actual in your daily life, if you get off it and you see people in grocery, theres smileys or sharesw , like i know that there are people that would never maybe on School Board Meetings right. Those get contentiouans and. I lo you could feel like nobodyok agrees with me and i hear that a lot. But im like, i look around and ally ii actually i dont arc people are that much at each t throats. We in the medioa tend to exacerbate that. One of the things that bill had over the weekend on his show was nellie bowles. Yeah. He is a cofounder of the free press independen fret. Also they are doing some great work over there and in her she wasboh also selling a book and her book she writes about her polie be she believes is a lot like other peoples, which is not so mucht so m doctrine, but exhaustion, and that people are just looking for some good common sense. My book here we are. You just calm down, bill. Yo but now we understand all the rumors. You are true. Er ] i dont know what that means. Ke like we are polarized. I dont think we can deny that. T the pointhe point that we can a. Be friends, that we cant. Lets not just lets note no pretend that these disagreements are not profound. Lets just say, okay, they arerh profound. But you knowings w what. On. Theres 90 other things we could talk about which we wouldnt disagrei cane on. And i cant hate you. Ive said it a million times, you can hate trump. You can t hate all thef th people who like him. Its half the country. I, i im certainly not blind to Donald Trumps fault. I it why People Choose to votecr for him. You knowvance said, somebody whl conservative once said to me what you dont get you Liberals Dot Trump Isou that we dont like him either. We just see him as a bulwarke against the nonsense on the left. And i understand that because ther i undees a loe a lot of nonsen. On the left. And thats in my book, too. Yes, my book. R bookyour dad. Is there anything you want . Get off your chest. Oh, theres nothing on my chest. But. Well, i do disagree with something you said, bill, which is thaich nerence o t theres noff difference of opinion on the show because i disagree with greg about a lot of stuff. Y. Y actually. I mean, ive never in my lifepuc voted for a democrat oran a republicani ever. I,t i dont think i evere is will because im just a small government person. And neither side is offering me that i vote for the third party and third party. Yeah, i vote libertarian. And you know what . Tha if you want to give that for that, it certainly wouldnt be the first time i heare firsd fine people i mean, i get sur people coming at me on both sides for sure. And people think or theyll say,derate w im moderate, whicm not a moderate. Im for a very small government, but i have so many friends. Youre heartless. No, im not. My l my life would be a way. I live a passionate life full of love. But i think a great do hold m onto that for downan i keep i do have so many obviously i work here. I have a lot of who are republican, very conservative, lifelong friends, are very liberal in my in my real life liberal in life. E andk people sometimes who like watch a show like thist like, how isae that possible . But its actu