That was really good. Oh, yeah. All right. Its friday, so you knowat what that means. Lets welcome tonights guest. Letshes the only one on the l who still looks like his yearbook picture. D oh, said the guy. Benson show guy benson. If only his jokes were as sharp as his razors. Werenvin and founder of wester razor company, david angelo. Lo shes like a pothole. When shes on the street. People are always trying to avoid her. New york times best sellins to and fox news contributor, him. And finally he trims his beard with a grazing flock of sheep. New york times best selling fothor, comedian and former nwa world champion. All rightr bar. All right. Before we get to some newdo thi stories, lets do this. Gregs leftovers. We had its leftovers where i read the jokes. We didnt use this week. E and as always, its my firsts we time reading them, so theyeken o force joe mackey to eate a bucket of mayonnaise with his toeso pu. All right, so during the state of the union thursdayp night, President Biden said wealthy people should payfair their fair share of taxes. No of tat so fast, says one man but after joe bidens hyper speed read of his speech, its safe to say authorities no of hiw know who the whitew house coat belongs to. All in all, however, republicans have admit joesingt got something their candidate doesnt. A good dealer candidate. Also, during the speech, a protest there stood up and and screamed unintelligible. Screa what a. Did you know the only person who could do that at the state of the union is tht at oe presi . Meanwhile, more than a dozen attecratic congresswoman in were white to bring attention to womens rights. Oh, im sorry. Those were bidens nurses. Scolhit had democrats scolded biden for referring to the murderer of Lincoln Riley as arl illegal. Talk about priorities. Next thing you know, theyll scold msnbc for calling a mental patient a tv host. Unnecessary but good. 57yearold mike tyson will face 27yearold jake paul in a boxing matchd that will stream on netflix. Tyson says he plans to keep the fit out of him and hope i hes not watching. Fans are looking forward to an exciting fight. Or as the New York Times calls it, another young white man Beatinyork Tg an elderlyeld black male. Pittsburgh area groupg ou is renting out an alley for t. Rticipowling nigh all participants are asked to keep an eye on their own ball baganep os. Nine jehovahs witnesses jehv in russia have been convicted for their religious beliefahs, but lawyers thinkat they wont enter prison, the aso one will answer the door for them. A florida man has pleadeds guilty to illegally selling thousands of turtles i. Udge the judge rejected his claim for Lenient Leniencyed his C Sie Business was slow. Thats for the kids in clips that out and they can listen to that one. Outrage after an Oklahoma School held a fundraiser where it had students lick Peanut Butter offhere stu each others. Official school officialscial defended the practice, saying you need Peanut Butter to go with the toe jam saying. For this week, Harrison Ford got a colonoscopy to the Indiana Jones theme song. In a related, richard gere got a call and ask abby to the theme song to Alvin Anopy Tt the chipmunks. That joke will never go away. L well, its not even true. Anyway, you remember rosemont toyer, the Transgender Influencer who went toples rose, a white house event. Rose now says his dog is transed because he was neutered. T i guess that means prince harry is trans, to harryo. New reports say that a Jack Russell Terrier bit offa ms a mans, but Police Working effortlessly to return the back to its ownepolicer. Its been attacked by dogs. The New York Times is beingtime sued after firing an employes be in need of brain surgery. True. Imagine if the times did that to every employee in need of brain surgeryd that. It would be empty liked be e that stock photo of an emptyoc office. Eekend thank you. This weekend were supposed to set our Clocke S Forward an hour for daylight savings time. That means you lose an hour,t which means more to some people than other peopls. New data shows that more people have been killed on new york Cit Y System Sincesubway the start of 2020 than in therir 15 years prior. But as mayor adams points out, its never been easier to get aa a seat. Grammar john kerry says people would feel better about the war in ukraine is pef would reduce its emissions. People would also feel if bac john kerry would go back to his home on easter islan homd, illi take it. Ill take it. I wi the Veterans Health administration has overruled plans to ban the famous vj dayn photo because it didnt meet todays standards for consent. Dapparently, rema and nelson, the bureaucrat behind the band, doesn thet. Doe seamen. Nav what . So navy and hes in the navy guys. Finally on the view weekpi goldb what goldberg fantasized about Joe Biden Jailin Aboutg Ey republican. Reed aboutjoy ha fantasize about the usual go. Don dont applaud that. I dont need your mercy. Clapd yo now to the news. Biden was feeble, but at least he said illegal. And so democratens boo becaue biden said something true. Its time for skeptical nice. Thank you. You las so last night, President Bidenn addressed the nation in his state of the union. Tooofon bad the nation was ukraine. N but then he took indirectindt swipes at trump. In contrast, in Saving Democrac Swiy against the threa of extremism. You could see it coming without Achievementsextremmin You Have are attacks. But it makes you wonder whicuth president is the one thats out for revenge. The one having fun while being sued or the other shouting at the sksued oy like a stranded castaway at passing planes. Biden to want to settletl more scores than a geriatric john wic k. Of course, afterwards, Democrats Cherryk of pick moment of clarity and the rest of us point out whats left. Ndtthe endless accelerated gibberish spewing from bidens pittede. It was all sound and fury, signifying senilit y. But its all part of a theatrical display of tribal pickleball, a back and forth of groans and cheers. Which is why trump seems Soof Weird Being part of it to begin with. Who knewt that a Game Show Hose Tycoon was the one who couldnt fit into this asinine artifice . But there was one momentment that crystallized what were tha with here. Its the unforgivable repellent response to this car crash moment. Watch. Its not about him. Joe bid its not about me. Id be a winnesr. Not really. I. Lincoln. Lincoln riley, an innocent young woman who was killed by an illegal. Thats right. But how of thousands of people h being killed by legal to parents . I say my heart goes outhe to you. Having lost children myselarout you catch any of that . Okay. First, joe called lincolne call riley, the murdered nursing student. Lincoln. Rileedln rileyy. T lincoln. Riley. I mean, i dont blame him. M its probably the first time he even heard of the poor girl. And i give himd of for trying to pass so low for joe. Im grateful he didnt calowl her. Charles nelson, rileyrles. But were the media and the libs at that . Noe. Ha that would mean they actually have a heart. What was worse than manglinghave victims name was mislabeling her vicious attacker, her vicious killer. Heres nancy expressing disgust over joes use ofe word the word illegal to describe lincolns killer to. I should have said undocumented, but thats not a big thing. R. Okay, whats the big thing that i was . I actually wasnt even goings to ask about that. I was just going to ask more about them. That He Shouldkt Have said undocumented. That was a good man. That heand hely say said illegal. Think about that. The takeaway said for cnn anchr dana bash is the word allocated for a murderer, not the president s ignorance and ambivalence over the feelings of murderers matter more than their victims or their familietters. The but remember, these are the same people who Chastise Anyonew who genders murderous men who claim to be women. Mirs murdee must to their evil demands, even if they dont comply to the laws of humanityee. Leave it to thet to New York Times to chime in. Quote, mr. Bidensyork tim of tt triggered immediate backlash from liberal democratsediate, Re Immigration Advocates who accused the president of Dehumanizin G undocumented by hi migrants by highlighting the killing and using the term illegal. So biden accidentally told the truth and called an illegal immigrant an illegal and the media pounces. Come and c, guys, its not liken you let a criminal into the country who murderedale jogger. Oh, wait, he did. So joe butchers a young womansn name who was already butchered by someone who got in because Joe Butchered the borderho. Pres and the press isnt angry that Lincoln Riley was brutally murdered. Theyre angry that somebody noticed. But hows joe taking all of this the day after his speech . Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel really good, man. T real feel really good. Reme,th really remember itly but i had both guns blazing. Whisrighazing i t. I had to whisper. I had to whisper. And then come november, i got an october surprise. Ill put them all together, and im going to debut debut t,y im aware it was way past your bedtime, but im sureu you were able to stay up extra late to watcable th the. D yo what did you make of it . What were the highs and lows for you . Werth i know its my job to wah Something Like this and then opine on it. But Yesterdasomethlike Thiy was, so i gave myself the gifyt. Thank you. And so whats it like turning 25 . Yeah. Hes just bitter. E he wasnt invited to the sweet 16. I would have let you in any. Y chucky cheese has very strictry security, but i gave myself secu of not not watching the state of the union address. And i feel like im standing by that decisionchingding and. That whole spectacle that you just showed about lake and rile u justy and back and forth with the member of congress decked outss decke in. D al im sort of glad to have missed all of that. The thing that is sort of interestinge thin about thesg passing around using the term illegal. I feel like and you alluded to this, if you come to the country illegalld y and then you go to multiple cities and commit multiple crimesltipl culminating in a murder. I think at some point you havewi earned the word illegal and for multiple levels and forout th people to be upset about that shows you Hoatw Dementedu our politics are right now. Deeply, deeply Dementemented Od yeah. By assigning as xenophobia to using the phrase illegal, it protects corrective responserevt against their ideology. A newcomer. Hes a newcomer. Hes a newcomer. Ne wcomerdavid, good to see you, as always. Im sure you were glued to the tv in your tiny hovelou,d in your bedsit. Its true. I have a small apartment there. But i tell you, i thought biden was on fire night. Yeah, by that i mean, i thought he looked like a burthought n. O faah, like, whats going on with his actual face . I hate it when we are beingbein ruled. Did you see this shot . Even like all the congress people, its like wereled by being ruled by halloween decorations. You kno hween decorationsw, its an issue for me. It is. Theyre in. Theyre sitting there taking. So this is what kills me as hes walking in. Theyre ale l giving in to takee selfies. And these are people that should not have picturee ae of themselves around. You know, its hideous. Its disgusting. If they cant take care how canes out o they represent us . Its a nightmare. Rand i you know, i dont even know what he said in the speech. I turn the captions on it, just said, you tell me what kind of nicely done. Thank you. So i move on now, or do you have anything else youd like to say . Yeah, thats about it i peeked. Knowing when to go is always the best. Yeah. Cat, how were you watching this . Was it . I get the sense that you have the same feeling that we all do. What . This is just like some adderall for the rest of us. Yeah. Yeah, thats. I felt like he was, likehe s, super fired up. And there is an adderall shortage, so i felthere t, like, i was being taunted almost that the guy that was yelling that ran in, he was actually aal gold star father. Right. His son was killed in afghanistan. Son right. And then the man was arrested. Exactly. So i feel like whenever he comes dow like whn from whatever het the was on last night, the first thing he should do is have all those charges be dropped immediatelind is havey. W mhm. I also think when i was watching it, the fact that he starte d ukraine, i thought that i missed some because that was why i was watching in bad. I like the cat here, the dog here. I was watching it. I was like i missed the beginning, wasnt paying attention. I was like, oh no, no. That is what he decided. Attention knowat was Starting Point. Thats his Starting Point was how about when youre the president of a country about abou o . Start by talking about your own country. Yeah, that seems to me likte thats what i would go with. Right, exactly. And the great thingsh. Untry yo about country, you could i mean, even if you want to talk about our countrys Border Tlk Aboutde First Or Sect the Ukraine Border and thenukran going into threats to democracy abroad and home, how we work that together is so weird. All the democrats liked standing and cheering for war like things have changedan. They really have. They really have. Tyrus. I was following you on twitter. You were kind of our ex. Ou you were. You were pleased. Tell to be fair, i asked for elmer fudd to interpret the soto someone who could break it down. Coulbut cat makes a great point that i just hit me right now. He didnt talk about america at all. Yeahica at all he di, he didnte thing that we cared about. He talked about ukraine appease ukraine. He mentioned the border. Kind of on accident. Yeah. And then The Lady In Red got hon him, too. And thats honest. Thats why i turned it off, Becaus Iurnef because was doing. I was trying to like, but i was having a lot of questions. T wa what the did he just say . And then. And then there was you Almosts O Get used to the uncomfortableness. Then he hitsu just y his patent whisper. Once he whispers, you knowwhen, its about to go off the rails. And it does. And normally i you have a uncomfortable laugh. But because he chose to do his thing on. Ered i the young lady who was brutally murdered in this country, i said, im turn it off. D im do so i turned it off. Right. Im done. Nyone is too many. T and it used to be okay to say that in this country it usedrshi to for leadership to come out and be like this happen. Its not goingou to happen again. We used to name things after the victims. We used to have put in acts and the special task force,chane and we would change the way we do things. Way that wy an Innocent Lifef Tt was taken and none of that. Its that goes back to the phrase. Well we break a few eggs. Yeah. Oh, i ask mr. President , youre going to break the eggs, at least know their name. Yeah, at least give us that. Yeah, he gave the emphasis on the priorities. Tell you everything. And i mean, he still included shrinkflation the lack of potato chips. Ameri thats what america is worriedca about. Not enough potato chips. Oh, like the most obvious and predictable thin g was going to be if he did not fall over and drool on himself. Democratlls would say this wasrc a triumph of rhetoric. E ha and they come out the next day being like, hes got his mojo back. Jo bac four miwait, wait 4 minu. Exactly who was thes genius to him to say predecessor . Why it started on predecessor then was, you know, with predator would never look it was bad. And again, i was like, oh, in the guys in the back of the bar telling him, hey predecessor yeah well at this point and he just said the mante they just to say trump exactly easier one syllable at trump once. All right we got to move on up next would you renouncee e for a discounted next would you renouncee your rac north face . Surnt ha scary. E. Phone allergies dont have to be scary. Great. Flonase sentiment daily for nondrowsy long lasting relief in a century mist flonase all good also try our Allergy Headache and nighttime pills. Headache and nighttime pills. Want to know a secret more just my armpit stink. Thats why i use secret i everywhere. Were all human. 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