♪ >> hello, according to the "wall street journal", 2024 shaping up to be a horrible election-year with two nominees that give you a sinking feeling as the bile arises in your throat. grandpa bussey met versus crazy mcgill and 2023 not on track to be the election no one wanted. this week's new york times poll shows exactly how bad it is joe biden as he's losing to literally hitler and five battleground states. you don't think it hitler? star two time loser no stranger to delusional authoritarianism. >> you can see it in countries where hitler was duly elected so all of a sudden somebody with those tendencies the dictatorial tendencies would be like okay we are going to shut this down, throw these people in jail and they didn't usually telegraph that. trump is telling us what he intends to do. take him at his word. >> she wanted to round everybody up send them to maga reeducation camps a few weeks ago and sit down, you must delay up and benched. hillary is the least of joe's problem. hillary biden is losing support from latinos, black voters, most of his fellow democrats. he's even lost the progressive pro- hamas funds. let's check in again on another fark bag who says biden is right where she wants him. >> basically joe is doing what he supposed to, he's not doing everything i want him to and everybody else wanted he's doing his job and that's what i want. >> he's doing a horrible job. >> what awful analysis, according to j.p. morgan chief u.s. economist, the economy is tanking. we are on the brink of potential third world war and inflation is as pained as sam bankman-fried and present withering more and more by the day. our stumble chief to accelerate rapid decline. former losing vp kane and worries with his hot take on the next great war. >> i've had to answer questions from people i've never answered which is the speak world war iii. people are mindful of world war i regional conflict the party joined and another party and another party and then you have world war. >> kane is not the only establishment sounding off from the donkey firm, let's listen to your how covid they are in god's ability to execute a second term and whether or not to diagnose and fix the problem. >> is high blood pressure, he will make him upset and make him worse. thus the medical malpractice equivalent of acting like nothing is happening and clearly something is happening. >> assess to ask himself, is this the best path? i suspect he will say yes but time is fleeting. >> a tweet reading only joe biden can make this decision. if he continues to run he will be the nominee of the democrat party, what he needs to decide is whether it's wise in his best interest more than countries. allow me to translate dipstick to english, trump a speeding biden. if biden stays in the race, he loses. i'm not the only one who can read the subtext here, i wrote about this week in the daily mail. democrats need a savior and her name is michelle obama, she got recognition, very few unfavorable. fantastic biceps and more importantly, candidacy would take the political careers of both kamala harris and gavin newsom. speaking of newsom, he saw him of his own copy poll numbers from the conservatism, the los angeles times who showed support who dropped 11% since february, california are growing sick of the nonsense. high taxes and homelessness and add to that, was supposed to be the happiest place on earth, disneyland is a rash of bloopers. people have taken to evacuate dowels while waiting in line for popular price which i guess is patrick, prettify call keister effect. when our society is swirling down the toilet stuff happens with people but especially in newsom's california. objects are making their way up honey hole worried voters as they are visit shut up misplaced lump stuff, action figures, fishing poles, student and sex toys shut up where the sun don't shine because many concerned americans have a better choice than a biden trump rematch. gavin newsom's performance might stink and he can say he is not running for president but there is one sassy incapacitated keystone who knows a lackluster politician when he sees them. >> there are two additional democrats running for -- excuse me, running for president rhino. one is congressman from minnesota and the other is the governor of california. [laughter] both running for president but only one had the guts to announce it. >> she's in love with him. can't find the fetterman when he tried running for president as a democrat, they demonize you and run you out of the party. the same new york times poll that showed joe biden losing to murder hornets found raspy dark horse rfk junior beatty joe biden and donald trump with younger voters in six swing states. a man who thinks pesticides makes frogs gay is not the least crazy option among 18 to 29 -year-olds in georgia pennsylvania, nevada, arizona, michigan and wisconsin. whether it's michelle obama, rfk junior or joe exotic, they want something else. voters from every political stripe know they don't want to things -- joe biden or kamala harris. you never hear kareem jean-pierre ask about the election query, are you better off than you were four years ago? the answer is a resounding help to the absolute no. people would rather jim pickle jars in the old prison wallet and poop all over it a small world then faced with four more years of bumbling incompetence while forced to eat work solids from the buffoonery buffet. >> i think the american people made clear they are prepared to stand for freedom and individual freedom and promise of real men america the president and i have a lot of work to do to earn our reelection plan confident we are going to win. >> i have freedom and i have freedom. people whisper maybe she is drinking on the job which would explain awkward cackles, redundant explanations and rhetorical ineptitude that acts as a warning to all you jerk vice president, never go full kamala. the presidency is in freefall as joe biden seems more concerned with taking naps on the beach and actually running the country or leading on the world stage. i'm confident he will not be present after next year end just as confident the world were only get more insane and unstable as we beating this crazy beast that goes for select candidates who never had a shot to offer real change. i know no one likes the truth, they tell you stick it where the sun don't shine. i don't know if there is room anymore for that. we have an amazing show on this fox news saturday night, hilarious panel makes fun of a new government health guide, it gained night with florida. the truth on ai fear mongering plus i go to a distillery to learn how to make whiskey. all that, stay right here. ♪ meet the jennifers. jen x. jen y. and jen z. each planning their future through the chase mobile app. jen x is planning a summer in portugal with some help from j.p. morgan wealth plan. let's go whiskers. jen y is working with a banker to budget for her birthday. you only turn 30 once. and jen z? her credit's golden. hello new apartment. three jens getting ahead with chase. solutions that grow with you. one bank for now. for later. for life. chase. make more of what's yours. goli, taste your goals. ♪ hello, is there anything on earth better than perfectly grilled ribeye or well-made cocktail or good cigar box the nurse of the american association now claim you can extend your life by years if you stop doing all the stuff that makes life worth living. is the trade-off worth it? i hit the streets to find out. ♪ >> the american association says to add six years to our lives, we have to stop eating sugar, we had to cut down on fat, we have to exercise, stop smoking, isn't that horrible advice? [laughter] life is short. >> you should enjoy. >> what is the unhealthiest thing you do? >> i didn't do anything you mentioned so i'm doing everything healthy. >> you are doing everything healthy, you sleep a lot? you don't smoke? you don't drink? you want to start? >> no. ♪ >> what's the unhealthiest thing you do? >> all of it. let's go! >> has the pizza? it looks delicious not the american dumb dumb party association says you have to cut down on things like pizza. >> only if you don't exercise but if you exercise and run. >> did you run the marathon? no. [laughter] >> do love mcdonald's? >> yes. >> me to. ♪ >> we been doing 20000 steps around new york. >> for every step you can go to a new pizza place. >> wash it down with something. american heart association, socket. >> you got a light? >> i don't. >> what's the unhealthiest thing you do? do you like smoking? the american heart association says we have to stop smoking, stop eating krispy kreme, does not sound like a way to live? >> no. >> what would you rather do, smoke and i sooner or do nothing and live six extra years? >> i'd rather keep smoking died early, the country is going to help. >> do you want a smoke? they are really good. >> class and sasse, dying young and feeling great. >> would you give up all of your vices for a few extra years on this earth? let's meet tonight's panel, comedian and author of iris -- am i saying this right? >> goodenough. >> dan is here along with podcast host and comedian summers and foxbusiness senior correspondent, charlie guess the reno. >> what did i get myself into? >> this is an exhaustive list. >> i'm not giving up porno. >> no more porn, no more sugar or tobacco or vodka, manager blood sugar. >> what's interesting is some of this always has been back, smoking, not great. however, they moved the goal post in terms of healthy diet, if you remember the old food pyramid, it was like green -- >> six to 11 green servings a day. >> now health experts say the ribeye you set have to give up is pretty good, i should eat it. it's got protein, it fits grasp that is even better, it's good for you, i like my states but i also like vodka. was vodka on the list? we met just put it on the. [laughter] >> some of this is absurd because they keep moving the goal post but, smoking is not the best thing. >> cigars are better than cigarettes. >> i don't think so. >> they are. >> you survived. [laughter] >> what is the unhealthiest thing you do? >> good advice i can give to people, the unhealthy thing i do is fall in love with people. >> that should be on here. >> avoid marriage at all cost. children take 20 years off good advice, the asian women live forever, there is a secret, never tell your child you love them ever, that is working well and if you don't tell your children you love them, younger people die young, using asia, young people that. >> is not putting people out of their misery before they choose. >> exactly. >> what you think of the list? >> i would add coffee is very good. >> i think coffee should be off the list, drink as much coffee as you can. >> is on the list? >> no, i'm making my own list. >> i started drinking coffee. there are certain restrictions regarding access to a bathroom that required me close to home when i drink coffee. >> thank god were wearing brown pants. [laughter] >> we have a whole lot of show coming up sleepy joe using steam with democrats, president michelle obama around the corner? king charles having a big birthday. prince harry thank you doesn't want to go but what he invited? reveal the things your friends secretly hate about you, all coming up. don't miss it. ♪ i got this $1,000 camera for only $41 on dealdash. dealdash.com, online auctions since 2009. this playstation 5 sold for only 50 cents. this ipad pro sold for less than $34. and this nintendo switch, sold for less than $20. i got this kitchenaid stand mixer for only $56. i got this bbq smoker for 26 bucks. and shipping is always free. go to dealdash.com right now and see how much you can save. welcome back to fox news saturday night. warning, your discretion advised criminal before i say anything else, please make sure the president is in bed for this. the following opinionated traumatization based on speculation driven by years of women's intuition. in my betting against the house that needed sleepy joe, carolyn kamala, governor harris break gavin newsom nor michigan gretchen -- whatever, otto, the democrat residential nominee. it's going to be in ascension of michelle by the party followed by hillary going supernova and devoted bobby barack spoken the boys room will against the let's get into michelle's presidency with the party panel. charlie guess perino, i mentioned at the top of the show michelle obama coming president would devastate kamala and gavin newsom, who else would be destroyed? >> hillary giftgiving thinking -- a crazy first lady. i could happen. if michelle becomes president. >> i think hillary would absolutely implode but you -- advice for michelle obama. >> i don't think she take advice from the hillary playbook, she should not be part of it because michelle needs, she cannot wear that. fashion dresses, yays can. >> when they vote if she were in a pantsuit? >> i don't think they would vote for her but i think they want. >> i'm not wrong about this though, michelle obama, even nomination decimates whatever dignity is left. >> what will the trans community do? we have not addressed this yet. >> bud light cans forever but. >> i don't think she's going to run to be honest. i think -- >> that got to do something. >> they do have a bit of a bench, the guy with the mayor. >> is not good. >> twenty think is looking? >> one of the most charismatic people i ever met. >> i find him good looking for some reason. >> we are on the couch. [laughter] >> is like the red table so nothing gavin newsom has become very unpopular in his own state because people realized it is an empty suit. >> but he's not old and feeble and he can put together a sentence. by the way, politics are left because that's where the state is. when you talk to him, i know people who to talk to him, he's much more reasonable. >> is one of the most rational democrats our government. >> a good friend of mine but i will say when he runs against trump, he pointed sounds reasonable, trust me on this. >> is why the "wall street journal" says it's election don't want but the scope to the real president, king charles turning 75. it looks like the king's youngest son prince gender balls will not be at the soirée and prince harry turned down the invite and shocking turn of events, harry and meghan are now claiming actually we want even invited so is it any surprise the world's worst couple is offering, where they not invited or did they not thinking? >> i heard king charles biological sons can come. >> apparently joked with harry that i'm not your real father. what you think happened? did king stefan or did harry preemptively snubbed his dad again? >> i think harry was trying to sell, basically a public to her so he wants to sound cool like see you next tuesday. mommy, mommy, are you here? >> he was very upset. >> you got in trouble for making fun of harry and meghan. >> people hate me so much for that. >> i love you for it. >> she is attention seeking. >> thus the royal family, i didn't even know that. >> i am so discussed by the. she's complaining there is no security. we can for you. >> why do we love hating them so much? >> i can't figure out. >> you also like gavin newsom. >> i am attracted to beauty, what can i say? they are unsolvable together. i guess separately they are not so bad. >> i miss mischievous harry, a. >> not the guy with the swastikm but he was an interesting guy. she was -- she's fun to talk to. together become this -- it's disgusting. would you want to party with those two? maybe separately, not together. >> i would rather wax my own back. >> wax your own back? >> i will say again. you drive your friends crazy without realizing it. therapist in the uk compiled a list of qualities, political differences. flakiness, lack of effort, miss communication. narcissism. therapist say this can lead to resentment and friendship so if something annoys you about your friend, should you kick them to the curb and get a new one? >> kat them to the curb, my friend when they go ahead and have families and leave me in the cold. >> they do that. they take the singletons and kicked them out. >> their children are more important to me apparently, which i present connect to your friends ever have missed medication? >> friends is like medication, the quantum stage and then they don't. i was miss china and i won the miss communication part of the show. mispronunciation, all of it. i want all of it. >> miscommunication sash. your friends not take your advice? >> i weed through friends every five years it seems and i do it if they have earned annoying traits i stop talking to them. >> you ghost your friend. is that why you won't text me back? >> i text you every sunday. i think that is a good rule of thumb. my old man told me that, get rid of your friends because they stop not like home organizing. >> something i have more than five years, there's a you but these other friends need to be changed because they get annoying do stupid things. >> people grow apart and it's like sometimes i agree, you have to call the word but the really good ones, they drained bathtub in the middle of the night, those are your friends. >> i would say i have about eight of them. >> he had ten. >> panel could don't go anywhere, it is game night. can the panel guess which florida man headline is real and watch one we made up? fake news or florida up next. ♪ print. mom, we're gunna be late. i know, sweetie. print! come on, print! out of ink again? i need to print these listings now. i had to print my homework. these tiny, expensive cartridges are costing me a fortune! you still printing with these? shaq? don't get cartridged. switch to the cartridge free epson ecotank. no more spending big bucks on tiny, expensive cartridges. ecotank comes with big bottles of ink. enough to print up to 5,000 pages. look at that. wow. we're switching to ecotank. epson ecotank has big ink tanks for big bottles of ink. these 4 bottles of ink are equivalent to about 80 cartridges. and, setting up ecotank is so easy. snap on the ecofit bottles and the ink fills automatically. no mess. no stress. buy an ecotank printer today, and save up to $80. ecotank comes with up to 2 years of ink in the box. models starting as low as $199.99. people love ecotank. check it out. with our old cartridge printer, i was reluctant to have the kids print in color, because i needed it for my work. i print in color daily. but now with ecotank, everybody can print in color. the kids can do their school projects in color, and i'm able to print for my work. and we don't have to worry about running out of ink. when i was researching printers, i came across the ecotank and found out i could save up to 90% on replacement ink. when i first got the ink bottle, i was shocked at the amount of ink that each one of them carry. i don't have to worry about the price of ink and i get to print as many things as i want. as a busy mom, or i should say cool mom, having ecotank is ink-credible. ecotank is a great value. buy an ecotank printer today and save up to $80. ecotank comes with up to 2 years of ink in the box. models starting as low as $199.99. call or visit ecotank.com now to order yours. just fill and chill! what is cirkul? cirkul is the fuel you need to take flight. cirkul is the energy that gets you to the next level. cirkul is what you hope for when life tosses lemons your way. cirkul. it's your water, your way. welcome back. we all know and love the crazy news headlines from legendary florida man like florida man's dating kat sets him up to be carjacked. an average night in jacksonville. the team here at fox news saturday night elected florida headlines mixon a few fake ones. can the panel figure out which stories are fake news in which are order? is time to play fake news or florida. ♪ are you all ready? headline number one, flo