>> thank god, thank god they found nothing bad in his colon, except for his head. it was a tough procedure for the doctors. they didn't know which end to work on. so they brought in a veterinarian. they needed someone experienced with a horse's ass. of course, that meant during the procedure, this person was in charge. >> what do you want to know? >> yep. she was just a polyp away from the presidency. in other news, the democrats in the media are enraged. i know, surprised. the earth is round, the sky is blue, and i'm handsome. what set them off? rising supply chain? joe pooping in the sink again. no, something more serious, a republican posted a meme. >> a sickening post by a sitting member of congress. >> it's a bigot with some serious mental issues. >> congressman gosar is the death threat anime guy. >> is that a joke? the only way this guy seems to like to joke. he's constantly threatening people in the other party. >> you're not supposed to do that. it's not funny. the kids don't care, it was not good. >> will they let anybody run for congress? >> yes. they do. >> anybody? >> yes. >> anybody can run venl so, they had an anybody can run. they censured him over a meme. now the last time i checked, a meme didn't demand that activists get in your faces if things don't go your way politically. they didn't excuse the burning down of businesses, redefining crime as protest, leaving dozens dead, and causing more damage than brian stelter at the golden corral. a meme didn't call for targeting of parents concerned over the brainwashing of their kids. a meme didn't separate kids by race. a meme didn't push to defund the police all over the country leaving a void that thugs happily exploited. who did all that? i will give you a hint, it wasn't a meme. it wasn't a wacky dentist like gosar. he can't be more wacky than my dentist who told me that water picks aren't just for teeth anymore. he was right. shout out to the er. whatever gosar did was stupid, i guess. for a brief moment, he acted like a democrat, right? but getting the dem is to play by their own rules is like pulling teeth. i didn't see the meme. after he was censured, he retweeted it. that's my guy. that and brazilian underwear models. why didn't i see it? i didn't look for stupid stuff on-line. if i want strange ramblings, i'll flip through cat's diary. like my fair with whoopi goldberg, no one would have known about the meme until the media amplified it. we live in the era when the media and the activist class subvert those trying to stop them. forgive me if i don't join the dems in their feverish outrage like the moon landing or kamala's smile isn't real. like a meme. getting angry arguing if santa claus is black or white. i couldn't care less if they posted memes, i wouldn't care when they posted mimes. at least mimes know when to shut the [ bleep ] up. but they put the q-anon shaman behind bars for four years. his crime? showing up dressed like a viking and stampering around a capitol like a high school senior emptying lockers on the last day of school. he was acting like the people who work in the capitol the other 364 days a year. as the babylon bee noted, if only he had burned down a car dealership, he would have had a lighter series. who's going to call for him and call him an activist? no one. i guess i could point out the hypocrisy when laura ann bobert already did. >> but since the speaker has designated the floor to discuss members' inappropriate actions, shall we? the jihad squad from minnesota has paid her husband, and not her brother-husband, the other one, over $1 million in campaign funds. this member is allowed on the foreign affairs committee while praising terrorists. my colleagues, and three month presidential candidate from california, who is on the intelligence committee, slept with fang-fang, a chinese spy. >> excuse me, lady, but making fun omar and bart man swalwell. are you trying to take my job. if lauren starts calling cat a drug addict, i'm suing for infringement. the incendiary language can go one way, acceptable for libs to use real discretion. >> if you see anybody from that cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station, you get out and you make a crowd. and you push back on them. and you tell them they're not welcome. >> tell you, gorsuch, i want to tell you, kavanaugh, you have released the whirlwind and you will pay the price! >> there you go. ajd it's also part of the media's mission. >> please, show me where it says protests are supposed to be polite and peaceful? because i can show you that outrage citizens are the ones who have made america what she is. >> the kyle rittenhouse trial. it reminded a lot of people of something, the brett kavanaugh hearings. in america, there's a thing about -- a saying about both white vigilanteism and white tears. >> hmm, white tears. you guys better shut up. while we can get more in your face than nancy pelosi's team of surgeons, step back and let's look at everything, right? manipulating i haved crow to attack covington catholic school kids, targeting of parents, the imprisoning of january 6 rioters for years, the extortion of the rittenhouse case and targeting judge and jury. and the story where the democrats attempted to lower a border cross by whipping migrants. it was nothing but hot air. where the hell did that story go, light? it's harder to find than mitch mcconnell's chin. why are we letting the mob off of the hook? republicans, grow some balls. whose side are you on anyway? and there's this hoax to undermine the election because the media not only hate the winner but the voters more. >> much of the dossier has been corroborated. >> if you look at what has become public, some of the public information is very much in line with what is report in that dossier. >> the three-core goals outline in the dossier by that particular source do seem to be very welborn out. >> much of the dossier has been corroborated. >> if you look at one of the memos from comey written in february of 2017, he effectively said that large portions of the steele dossier have been corroborated. >> it's been corroborated. >> there are parts of the dossier that have been proven out. >> oh, poor thing. it's clear the left is losing so they have to fight dirty, target, instill fear, if anybody fights back, use political and media power to destroy them. i forgive people like gosar for posting stupid memes, they're new at the game. it's a game that the democrats have been running for years. the game clock is about to run out. they're about to suffer a huge loss. maybe they can blame that on a meme. >> let's welcome tonight's guests. she's our go-to financial expert when we need money for lunch, host of buzz business, elizabeth mcdonald. he's our second favorite greg on the show tonight, actor and author of the great new book, the respondent, greg ellis. he's a handsome combat vet that makes all of his fans sweat, host of rob smith is problematic, rob smith. and just a few stores she's barred from entering, the fox news contributor catnip. rob, it's a seven-minute monologue. but i could have said mes are stupid but so what. >> it was a stupid meme. and they're all blowing this up about aoc. her face was on the image for a split second. but if you listen to aoc, she has just cheated death more times than superman, right? she's always talking about how this is causing everybody to come after her. i just think it's very, very much overblown. >> greg: yeah, yeah, what did you make of this, greg? you've been here many times and we always do a story about how the media gets things wrong. but they do. so, we have to cover that. >> too often. >> too often. and who's going to hold them to account. >> i'm holding you to account for that jacket. >> what? the print? >> it's a subtle piece of attire. it's a little nonsense. it looks like some sort of cartoon show. the fang-fang. i don't know what the fang-fang thing is. >> greg: you don't? >> and aoc and the squad. it's a parody and they all look like they've lost it. >> greg: i like the fact they're inept and confident, they try to do things. but sleeping with a chinese spy, liz, i stopped doing that years ago. how are you by the way? >> good, how are you? i think i have breaking news for you. they found hillary's e-mails in biden's colonoscopy. i'm just kidding. >> i like that she said -- i'm just kidding. >> i still say that after years and years, right? >> just so you know, i'm kidding. >> we'll get fact checked. >> greg: five pinocchios. >> on msnbc right away. >> greg: they found in his colon, five pinocchios. so, anyway, i looked at that meme. it's a cartoon. it doesn't rank -- like hanna barbara or gorilla. they try to make it like he's a flying thor, he's not. the tedious self-righteousness from nancy pelosi and aoc. aoc humble bragging, this is not about me. she's complaining it is about her. this is about who we are. all right, so broken borders, right? 150 countries coming in. thousands from russia, mideast. so you know what i mean? so, let's talk about and be outraged over a cartoon, but not with the real issues are. >> greg: that's the whole point. it drives you crazy. because their entire ideology is kind of based on the fact that because the political is personal, it makes their enemies deplorable. and that justifies the looting as restorative justice. cat, what are your thoughts? there are so many things from that brilliant monologue. >> yeah, i just want to make sure you're okay, you know? because you found out that joe biden was getting a colonoscopy today after you wrote your monologue. >> greg: this is true. >> i know that you're pretending that you're okay. but i know that you're not, it's okay to be vulnerable. and i'm here for you. >> greg: it was quite a -- it was a shock, because you know, we're involved in this poop joke controversy and we've been doing a lot of research on whether the poop jokes are having a positive effect on society, that i think they do. and then what happens is, i'm going to do a monologue about how the media chases memes as opposed to mayhem. then he goes and gets a colonoscopy. >> there's nothing i can say that will make you feel better. thoughts and prayers. >> greg: this is poopgate. how do we know it was a colonoscopy. >> see, this is what he wanted to do for seven minutes. >> during the colonoscopy, he's under, kamala harris is president. that's the chill everybody felt. >> i think he did it before thanksgiving so he could say, i had a full meal and there was no inflation at my table. >> greg: oh, colonoscopy, you have to drink that fluid. should i get into that graphically? >> you want to. >> greg: i really want to. >> well, either way, when the colonoscopy is over, biden will still be full of [ bleep ]. anyway. >> greg: there you go. on that note -- well done. way to button that up. all right. up next, in his trial, we observed how justice was served. new vicks convenience pack. dayquil severe for you... and daily vicks super c for me. vicks super c is a daily supplement with vitamin c and b vitamins to help energize and replenish. dayquil severe is a max strength daytime, coughing, power through your day, medicine. new from vicks. 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(jackie) talk to your doctor about austedo...it's time to treat td. td is not ok. visit askforaustedo.com. ow bizarre by omc ♪ no annual fee on any discover card. omega-3 from fish oil is an important nutrient for heart health. qunol's ultra purified omega-3, is sourced only from wild caught ocean fish, not farm raised and comes in an easy to swallow mini pill. the brand i trust is qunol. >> greg: by now you probably heard the jury rendered a verdict in the rittenhouse file. >> we the jury find the defendant kyle h. rittenhouse not guilty. as to the second count of the information, richard mcguinness, we the jury find the defendant kyle h. rittenhouse, not guilty. as to the third count of the information unknown male, we, the jury find the defendant kyle h. rittenhouse, not guilty. as to the fourth count of the information, anthony huber, we, the jury, find the defendant kyle h. rittenhouse, not guilty. as to the fifth count of the information gauge grosskreutze, we the jury find the defendant kyle h. rittenhouse. not guilty. >> greg: yeah, so not guilty on all -- all charges. after an almost three-week-long trial, 18-year-old kyle rittenhouse has been acquitted of intentional homicide and other charges stemming from the kenosha, wisconsin riots last year. all right, liz. did you expect this? the prosecution looked terrible. >> yeah they did. and, you know, the media looked terrible, right? it was accusations are tantamount to a conviction at msnbc and cnn. i mean, the -- i have to say, the media coverage was abhorrent. >> greg: you didn't know the race of the victims. >> if you only watch them, msnbc and cnn, you would have thought he crossed state lines with his mother to go shoot black people and he was a white supremacist. everything i just said was wrong. >> greg: by the way, he killed a pedophile and he killed a domestic abuser. both chasing him, he killed them. he did what that city could not do, which was get those people off of the street. you want to say something, rob? >> i want to talk about the racial aspect of it, right? i've been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how one white man killed two other white men became a national referendum on space. i can't figure it out. i'm sitting here, drinking my tea being black and all of a sudden this is about me. >> that would be a great title for your book. >> being black or black tea. >> drinking tea while being black and all of a sudden, it's about me. how did i get pulled into this? to your point, if you look at the main stream media coverage of this, i looked at it, you will not see the rap sheet -- all of that stuff was set aside so we could have another national referendum on race so that joe biden and kamala harris can push this division to take away from the fact they're not doing anything at all. >> are you happy? >> i'm military. i'm very pro 2a. >> greg: i am too -- not military. but pro 2a. >> we know. >> thank you for your nonservice. >> seriously. it felt to me justice was served. the thing that made me happy was the jury was not sort of influenced by all of the main stream media. >> greg: right. there was a concern that maybe -- well, they were in fear for their lives and that would impact their decision. you're a brit. what did you make of this? justice served? you've been living here. you know. >> when i looked at the prosecutor, i thought he was smug. i don't think he handled the case well. i thought the jury was out for quite a while. and i was thinking, maybe they're going to find him guilty, it's gone on this long. bef the evidence, if you look at the evidence, it was -- it wasn't -- he made some really bad choices. innocent until proven guilty. this isn't the justice system working. many times, it doesn't work. so, you know, today it seems to have worked. >> greg: yeah, it's a sad state of affairs, cat, when the media is now going, we must brace -- the word is brace. we must brace for unrest. these are two words i hate. brace should be really, expect, right? brace is code for expect. and unrest is crime [ bleep ] crime, violence, beeting the [ bleep ] out of people. sorry, censors. >> yeah, two in one sentence. >> greg: sounding like last night's toaster. >> yeah. i think justice was served in this verdict. but the sad thing is that's not what people care about. as you pointed out, this is a mistake. yeah, just because -- and i don't -- this is not -- america's model team in my opinion, right? we did a lot of crazy stuff that, you know, i said it before, if i did have kids, i wouldn't want my kids playing with that kid. but it doesn't mean like -- you shouldn't have -- you it doesn't mean you're a murderer. that doesn't mean you're a murderer. that's what all of the protests were supposed to be about to begin with, the criminal justice system and people having rights and those rights not being abused in the criminal justice system. this is an example. you don't have to be a hero or model citizen or model teenager in order to not go to jail for something you didn't do. >> you can be against vigilanteism. but the issue was, the prosecutor turned to the jury and tried to downplay the rioting to people from kenosha who suffered through rioting. we had 570 riots in poor minority communities and businesses. that was downplayed starting with the democrat national convention. biden didn't mention any of that in his inaugural address or speech to congress. >> he made so many bad choices. it doesn't matter. it doesn't mean he's a murderer. >> greg: the other thing that drove people crazy is you had people in the media excusing mass violence and then condemning stealth defense. i don't see this as vigilanteism, i see it as self-defense. i think, yes, he shouldn't have gone. he shouldn't have gone. but he might have been just like any idealistic kid who joins the army. >> you're right. >> greg: he saw his city. it is his city. doesn't live there, he work there is, family is there. he knows how to handle a gun. >> he should have tweeted about it like everybody else. >> greg: yeah. >> here's the thing about the cities -- the riots now, about a year and a half ago, i raised $150,000 and went down to minneapolis and donated it to small business owners there. these cities are still smoldering, by the way. minneapolis still looks like this. places in kenosha, wisconsin still look like this. so when the media moves on and -- they move on to the next racial unrest they create, those communities are still boarded up, burned down. >> greg: they repeat the cycle. what they're going to do is do the narrative that this is restorative justice when the riots happen. that creates a vacuum in law enforcement. what do you get? rittenhouse? rinse and repeat. we have to move on. up next, does our military have the nerve to force women to serve? how about a throwback? ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty ♪ only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty ♪ we have to be able to repair the enamel on a daily basis. with pronamel repair toothpaste, we can help actively repair enamel in its weakened state. it's innovative. my go to toothpaste is going to be pronamel repair. ♪ my songs know what you did in the dark ♪ ♪ so light 'em up, up, up light 'em up, up, up ♪ ♪ light 'em up, up, up ♪ ♪ i'm on fire ♪ ♪ so light 'em up, up, up light 'em up, up, up ♪ ♪ light 'em up, up, up ♪ ♪ i'm on fire ♪ ♪ oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oohohh ♪ ♪ in the dark, dark ♪ new cheetos boneless wings. exclusively at applebee's. (tiger) this is the dimension of imagination. new cheetos boneless wings. ♪ ♪ up to one million dollars. that's how much university of phoenix is committing to create 400 scholarships this month alone. because we believe everybody deserves a chance. see what scholarships you may qualify for at phoenix.edu bipolar depression. it made me feel like i was trapped in a fog. this is art inspired by real stories of people living with bipolar depression. i just couldn't find my way out of it. the lows of bipolar depression can take you to a dark place... ...and be hard to manage. latuda could make a real difference in your symptoms. latuda was proven to significantly reduce bipolar depression symptoms and in clinical studies, had no substantial impact on weight. this is where i want to be. latuda is not for everyone. call your doctor about unusual mood changes, behaviors, or suicidal thoughts. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults. elderly dementia patients on latuda have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor about fever, stiff muscles, and confusion, as these may be life threatening... ...or uncontrollable muscle movements, as these may be permanent. these are not all the serious side effects. now i'm back where i belong. ask your doctor about latuda and pay as little as $0 for your first prescription. >> greg: think sex discrimination is the worst? then make registration ladies first. congress is requiring women to register for the draft when they turn 18. i say younger. used to be that at 18, they registered to date leonardo dicaprio. but the new provision was included in the annual policy bill the house passed in will september and the senate is expected to pass the version in the coming days. this is symbolic, considering the last draft was in vietnam war. cat doesn't remember vietnam, she was 10. in 1980, jimmy carter reinstated selective service for males. and a year later supreme court ruled they women could not register because they weren't eligible for combat roles. but that change in 2015 when combat roles were open to women, letting them throw grenades instead of hissy fits -- what sexists would say, condemned outright by this host. earlier this year, biden threw his female solicitor general at the supreme court to let congress rather than the courts decide about the draft. to be fair, he thought he was talking about the draft after hunter swipes the fuzzy bathrobe. haha. dozen or so republican senators tried to block this, but they likely don't have the numbers to get it removed from the defense bill. bottom line, if and when this becomes law, some women will be graded, answering the call to serve. others not so much. (ringing). >> hello. >> hello. this is the military. you've been drafted. report to basic training tomorrow. >> no, look, i've never done a push-up, okay, and i think i'd be too nervous. i'm nervous on this phone call right now. i don't think i can emotionally handle a war. i'm nervous, i sound weird. i'm really nervous, i sound weird. wait, no, are you mad at me? do you hate me? please don't hate me. >> on second thought, we're going to pass. >> no, no, text me later, okay, okay, text me later. love you. love you. >> bye. (dial tone) >> greg: i think that -- i think cat if we sent you over there, they would just surrender. make the crazy lady go away. >> i would just start talking. and they would surrender. >> what they could do is torture the enemy. >> me talking, absolutely. i don't stop. >> greg: you'd be great at gitmo. going to you first, greg. can you speak for all americans about how -- about the idea of women registering for the draft? >> i cannot speak for all americans. i can speak for this naturalized american -- i think it's -- we live in an age of equality. we hear a lot of talk about, you know, women's rights and -- you know, levelling the playing field. >> but the weird thing is it's not levelling the playing field, it's levelling the risk. so it's like all men, mostly men die in industrial accidents. should feminists say, you know, we need to get the deaths up for women, right? >> i would -- >> nobody liked that. that analogy. nobody -- but that's kind of what we're saying. make women eligible for death on the battlefield. >> nobody campaigned on that, right? nobody campaigned on drafting our daughters. >> make women die in combat. >> that's a great one to go alongside. >> yeah. right. right. >> i don't know, though. here's my -- okay, you're the vet here. >> i'm the vet. so, i did two tours in the middle east. i was an infantryman. it was an all-male unit. i do not believe in women in combat units. not because we had an all male unit so we didn't have to worry about getting women pregnant, right? oh, it's a gay joke. you have to explain the joke, it doesn't land. >> greg: i still get those. >> noted. so, i don't believe women in combat roles because i just -- it's physically arduous. i don't believe in that. but there are a million ways women can serve that are noncombat roles. i absolutely believe in that. and i believe that women should be drafted. >> you know who should be drafted? antifa. >> greg: weed lose every war. they'd show up with a bicycle helmet, their parent's broom. they think they paint something black it's intimidating including the rake they stole from their neighbor's yard. as a libertarian, as i got older, to me, the idea of the draft is completely bizarre. it's unconstitutional. >> i don't believe in the draft. >> yeah, it's weird. >> i don't think you should force anyone to go to war even if they're not a chick. it's crazy. >> that's come mooe. >> no, it's not, it's freedom talk. it's crazy they can say go to war. i don't want to, and they're like, felony. i don't stand for it. not just for chicks. >> greg: let me put it this way, if you're against the vaccine mandates, you should be against the draft because it's the government compelling you to do something and compelling you -- >> fair point. >> dishonorable discharge for military if they don't get vaccinated, right? >> they're fighting that right now. >> greg: do you think we need a draft. >> do i think we need a draft? we'll probably never be in a position that we need a draft again. god knows after what biden did with afghanistan, nobody is wanting a war under this president, okay? this is something that we don't have to worry about in the next couple of years. i don't think there will be a draft. >> greg, i call this greg's idea -- you only want the draft so the kids of people who start wars share the risk, right? you don't want people starting wars that know that their kids are protected, get deferments, whatnot. there should be no draft except for kids of politicians. what do you say? >> oh, that's a good one. that is a good one. you know, to your point about vaccines as well and that correlation, like encourage people, incentivize them, even. mandating people to do things, though, i'm with cat on this one, i'm against it. >> so you're a commie too. >> yeah. >> you have very nice shoes. i like your shoes. but stop it. >> stop -- >> they're good. >> greg: i'm glad we can agree on your shoes. there's a stereotype. i don't know what that means. coming up, is there mass appeal for a car with no steering wheel? >> greg: a car that drives himself put taxis on the shelf? apple wants to launch a self-driving electric vehicle in 2025, coincidentally, the year i finally hit puberty. known as project titan, the car, not the puberty, has been in the works for quite sometime. really cool interior images of the futuristic prototype have surfaced on-line. but it features a steering wheel, another rendering show none whatsoever and four seats facing inwards towards each other. this way, spouses can make eye contact once a day. apple reportedly is also ditching pedals. no word on pricing and packages, and much like me on weekend retreats, they still need to work out the kinks. i'm not going to explain that joke. here's video of judge janine taking the electric car for a spin. that judge, she doesn't care. liz, supposedly, i heard you know business. is this going to happen? i'm a big fan of the self-driving car for a number of reasons. but i don't know if people are going to give up the -- the driving themselves. >> this is not going to happen without the steering wheel and without pedals. it's like no control. >> it's a tram. like -- you know the trams you take in the airport. going to sit in there and you think that the road is driving you. >> it's like the democrat party under nancy pelosi. no control. >> oh! >> greg: ladies and gentlemen, what you saw there was a clever way of injecting red meat humor into a nonred meat story. liz, you are a pro. >> but, maybe eric swalwell could take this for his takeout. >> the horn goes fang-fang! >> there you go. there you go. cat, this ideal for people who are double fisters, right? you can drink two drinks. >> i didn't know what you meant by that. i'm english. >> no. no. >> greg: didn't anybody go to college? that's double fisting. two drinks. you sick, sick people. >> all right. >> i don't drive. >> you don't drive? >> i can't. maybe i can, i haven't tried in so long. like how would i try? that's not fair to everyone else. but i don't know if you like this. if you think you do. but then you wouldn't be able to do it anymore. my driver -- >> greg: that's an interesting. >> you couldn't say, are we there yet? >> people like, my driver -- it's exciting. again, congratulations on your success. >> the thing about this car is i can't trust apple to do updates on my phone correctly. am i going to trust them to drive me? >> what if you don't update it? >> exactly. scary >> greg: so this is an interesting thing. i coined the phrase, sdcbment. self-driving car bullies. in california when people are testing them, they know that, they purposefully do things to make the car stunt, stop, or change it's mind. >> wait a second, california has bullies? >> greg: like that gavin newsom, am i right? >> oh, the legislature in sacramento. >> greg: she's doing it again. >> and we're all going along with it. >> fang fang. >> fang fang. [ applause ] >> you keep doing the -- >> changing with others like where's the horn. >> if you keep doing the fang-fang. that's an swalwell bat signal. you go, oh, is he here. >> i was going to say about the driver, we're going to look back at this era in 100 years and think it was weird that we had people driving other people because it's such -- like i mean, you know, sitting and -- there's somebody who's actually taking you somewhere that they are not going to, only because it's their job to take you there. >> because you're the king of late night. >> greg: you are. you are. >> what's interesting, i've driven it for many years in california, and it does -- you can press the settings and it slows down and speeds up. it's wonderful. but that feeling of taking my foot off of the accelerator and -- i don't -- i don't want to -- no steering wheel? it may be perfect for you. >> greg: it's going to be great, though, when you have more electric cars. they might have to come up with lanes. when they work in sync, it's perfect -- it's called a train. yeah, okay, who takes the train, joe biden! >> to delaware. >> and doesn't do anything but make my thanksgiving dinner the most expensive one in history. >> but the apple, the self-driving car, look, this is the first 15 minutes of the terminator sequel. i'm not here for it. >> we solved nothing. but we're going to go to the next segment. coming up, these jokes ain't too old, they're comedy gold. >> i never know how this is going to go. the jokes we didn't use this week but now they get a second chance. as always, my first time reading them. some are great, others just suck. that's not my fault. here we go. kamala harris has reportedly been sidelined amid growing tensions with president biden, but we should have seen this coming. she hasn't smelled her hair in weeks. oh, i [ bleep ] ed it up. i [ bleep ] it up. it's supposed to be -- it's supposed to be he hasn't smelled her hair. f the king of late night, everybody. king of late night. comb, call me emperor king of late night. a river in hawaii was found to have an alcohol content over 1% by volume. no wonder it's so easy to get "leied" there. oh, boy. bay toe o rourke announced he's running for governor of texas, either that or spend three months hitchhiking through europe getting his head together. polite laugh, greg. new york city mayor promised a full strength new year's eve celebration in times square. heel be dropping a ground hog at midnight. so he dropped one and it died. also, andrew cuomo plans to attend saying the massive crowd will be a great chance to groeb new yorkers again. oh, keep your hands to yourself. 56 years after this for malcolm x, the two men convicted of shooting him have been exonerated. as soon as he heard, oj simpson vowed to find the real killers. we're doing a malcolm x joke? talk about living on the edge. let me see. the king of late night. not for long. with the country in chaos and the poll numbers plummeting, many are wondering if joe biden will ever run again in 2024, or as he calls it, 1992. kamala harris was briefly the acting president of the united states this week while president biden was under general anesthesia for a colonoscopy. when joe biden was in general anesthesia, how can you tell? good joke. there you go. finally, it took like six. dr. said the colonoscopy images were fine but they were concerned about the echo. you get it? >> i don't get it. >> greg: i don't get it. >> is that a -- is that a sex joke? >> greg: i don't think so. >> he has a large butt hole? >> greg: i don't know. that's -- i cut that joke out of the monologue and they put it here. apparently they removed two polyps and msnbc's lips. >> that's a good one. >> oh. >> greg: kevin hart will play the late gary coleman in the film about the show, "different strokes." hart is looking forward to it saying, there are no small roles, only very small actor ohs. according to a recent interview, the man with the largest penis is tired of getting hassled when he goes through airport security. and he's not thrilled about jet blue's new carry-on fees either. take a lesson from me, stow it in the overhead bin. god, we've gone from poop jokes to [ bleep ] jokes. >> government and union. >> telling you, liz, there's going to be a meeting next week. >> greg: over 1 million americans may have permanently lost their sense of smell to covid-19. dead san francisco -- san francisco residents, thank god. the singer for the band brass again urinated on a fan last week. the fan said it was still better than sitting through maroon five. tickets for the show were squatting room only. and finally, two words i really like -- and finally -- a recent survey predicting thanksgiving dinner will cost 14% more this year, 800% more if you invite brian stelter. [ applause ] >> greg: don't go away. if you're still there, we'll be right back. (tiger) this is the dimension of imagination. ♪ ♪ (man) i've made progress with my mental health. so when i started having unintentional body movements called tardive dyskinesia... ... i ignored them. but when the movements in my hands and feet started throwing me off at work... i finally had to say, 'it's not ok.' it was time to talk to my doctor about austedo. she said that austedo helps reduce td movements in adults... ...while i continue with most of my mental health medications. (vo) austedo can cause depression, suicidal thoughts, or actions in patients with huntington's disease. pay close attention to and call your doctor if you become depressed, have sudden changes in mood, behaviors, feelings, or have suicidal thoughts. common side effects include inflammation of the nose and throat, insomnia and sleepiness. don't take austedo if you have liver problems, are taking reserpine, tetrabenazine, or valbenazine. austedo may cause irregular or fast heartbeat, restlessness, movements mimicking parkinson's disease, fever, stiff muscles, problems thinking, and sweating. (man) talk to your doctor about austedo... it's time to treat td. td is not ok. visit askforaustedo.com ♪ ♪ >> greg: we are out of time. thanks, everybody. our studio audience. "fox news @ night" with ivo shannon bream is next. i am greg gutfeld. love you, america. ♪ ♪ >> shannon: hello and welcome to "fox news @ night." i am shannon bream in washington. breaking tonight: hundreds hit the streets of new york to protest or not guilty verdict in the kyle rittenhouse trafford will have a report on the ground as protesters march across the brooklyn bridge. calls for president by into apologize to rittenhouse for making a rush to judgment for suggesting h

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