Greg all right. After months of sputtering vacillation, the cdc says fully vaccinated americans can ditch masks and dont have to social distance. Unless youre in a room with andrew cuomo. In that case, Run Speaking of that ask, even after restrictions have been lifted, hes been cautious claiming to rely on the backs and the science. Yeah, now hes careful. Was he relying on the backs and the science when he sent covid patients to rest homes . If that were facts and science, his women were treatment of chivalry. The cdc says women can vote and wear pants. Im not sure im for either. Were going too fast. According to the New York times, the cdc is catching up to the science. Its not true. Theyre catching up to you. We always knew that covid doesnt spread outdoors. Its not like chlamydia at coachella that i learned sadly. We knew vaccinations would eliminate a risk of spread. The cdc so obsessed with the slightest risks, the kinds that are smaller than choking to death on soup made their guidance as helpful as financial advise from Bernie Madoff . Why did they change . Is it because now they followed the science . No. Because if they followed the science, they would have come to this conclusion awhile ago. Fact is they didnt follow science. They followed you. They knew if they kept pushing The American public too far, we would Push Back. The experts knew you were right. They couldnt admit it. Anybody married is laughing at that. All the guidance is based on fear. Fear of not being wrong but fear of being exposed. They played it safe. Thats not a leader. Thats your 75yearold Aunt Tilley backing out of her driveway. Leaders take risk. They listen to experts and weigh the risks against the benefits. Its like a coach that talks to his assistants and goes for it on fourth down. A leader has to face Obstacles Head on. For the media, the constant covering of their asses made a feedback loop. People will die so they told you to sit tight at home masked even if youre living with older folks. The irony the people that yell wear a mask or youre killing a grandma were the biggest supporters of killing grandma. So every time youd have risk, you have an ass had asking you how many people are you willing to see die . Over a month ago, the Cdc Director said she had a sense of impending doom. Thanks for the pep talk, doc. You might be great on a plane flight. Fact is we accept death every day. Sad but true. No one has ever been able to escape the phenomenon of death. Except keith richards. Leaders get that, but experts dont. Experts are not paid to lead like gramps taking a leak at 3 00 a. M. And american people are not experts. Theyre better. Think about the ancestors that came here. No expert was advising them to come here. Like marshmallow topped sweet potatoes, its unique to america. Were number 1 because we wont take number 2 from anyone. We ditch the masks. Why stop there . While were at it, lets decide on other crap that were tired of like the stupid circles on the ground. Where youre supposed to stand in line. I want to buy Preparation H at walmart without having to play the Cdcs Version of twister. And enough with bringing your disgusting reusable bag to the store. It has more bacteria in it than tommy lees hot together. Lets get back to paper or plastic. Stop charging us for it. The Green New Deal is about the green, im afraid. Remember how much it was to shop for food in the good old days . The colors, the cereals. The checker that one laughed at you. The Produce Session was therapeutic. You never bought vegetables but smelled great on the way to the freeze tore Grab Beer and nuggets. And being surrounded by the meat takes me back to my wrestling days. Who needs the meat . Turns out i do. Theres six kinds of salami. No wonder foreigners weep in front of the counter. Lets not forget the head cheese. Now we know what happened to jimmy hoffa. And lets stop wiping down everything. I never wiped so hard since that time as a kid when i thought xlax was leftover halloween candy. Another poop joke. Lets go to the angry white male one more time. New guidance from Government Officials . Lets see. Does it say live your life and ignore every individual. Is that what it says . Thats kind of what ive been doing. You know what . Why dont we assume thats what it says. [applause] greg typical far right extremist. This might sound corny, but we need the see Each Others faces. Even kat. We need to see smiles. Weve been through a lot together. We need to interact like Human Beings. Like naked germans at fat camp. We need to feel free. Finally, lets Stop Taking Media proclaimed experts seriously unless its me. You can trust me. Im truly an expert [applause] i am an expert in nothing except buying used leather chaps on ebay. [applause] lets welcome tonights guests, hes such a great author, he can eat Alphabet Soup and poop out a best seller. Up in the air under walters terms. Shes so sharp, you can use her brain to stab people. Financial analyst, heather lumarago. And this man actually reads apples terms of service. Freedom works Vice President and author of the new book, john tandy. There he is. Every day her husband tells her three little words. What have i done . Fox news contributor, cat timpf. Walter is the right time to stop wearing masks . What is your whole vomit your opinion on me is what im saying. Masks will end when teenagers tell us to end them. You know, when parents are going out for the night and putting on the mask and the kid says mom, please dont, masks will be over. Greg because they rule the world. They rule the world. Theyre not going to be into them soon, this is going to be like a Snow Melt in minnesota where the snow doesnt melt all at once. Under certain trees and rocks it stays. Theres people that dont give them up ever. Theres people that keep the losing Bumper Sticker on their car. That way they cant be blamed for anything that happens the next two years. Greg so true. Theres people that just like have bernie stickers on their subaru, will keep the masks and 2 1 2 years from now, somebody will die of Covid And Brazil and say see . Greg youre not going to escape a Covidout Break or this or that. Your analogy is excellent. Its like the person that wears two masks or three masks is just like the person with three Bumper Stickers. Exactly. The more the better. Greg the virtual signal. Yeah. So anybody that ever dies or contracts covid for the next five years is going to bring out these people that come out in their masks and say if you had been like me, none of this would have happened. Greg heather, you wrote a book on corporate culture. How is corporate culture changed . Is it changed forever . Basically theres no corporate culture if were all in our homes working remotely. Youre one of the few that have dared to step outside. Greg i consider myself a true american hero. Where no man has gone before. Greg i think i deserve a lot of applause. Thank you. [applause] stop applauding. I you can applaud later. I think that we will have to wear a mask as we go back to the workplace in this new normal corporate culture. I hope not forever. Fauci said well never be able to shake hands again. Thats in the book. At the time when i was writing it, i had hoped he would be wrong. May be true that may not be acceptable to even shake hands. Greg if he doesnt help matters. Hes such hes like the Prototypical Ortypil . Why did i at proto to that . Hes a typical bureaucrat. Hes not there to lead. Hes there to protect his job. Yeah, for him theres always holdouts. The former Soviet Union that still believe in stalin to this day and wish those days were around and that describes fauci to a tee. Hes never had so much attention in his life. Lets add that all of this hides how he was wrong so many times before. Were talking about someone that said that aids could be passed around by sitting next to Each Other. Greg did he say that . Yeah, in 1983 that was the report that he wrote. Greg are you kidding me . Doesnt indiet him hes wrong but he been wrong so many times that he continues to greg who is the guy that invented pcr . Kerry mullis. Greg do you ever see what he has to say about fauci . He basically says what you say. That fauci is just like how did he get this far . Terry mullis challenged fauci to a debate over aids and claimed that the Pcr Test could not be used to diagnose illness. Kerry died in september before covid. So you can fact check that. It was that fall. We would never have had an Anthony Fauci had Kerry Mullis still been around. I dont think he will last, frankly. I dont think hes going to last as this avatar of covid. It was more important to throw out the Opening Day Pitch than to solve the pandemic at the time of the crisis. He did do a great job though. Oh, yeah. Greg kat what is funny, shouldnt we have a national just quit this stupid Stuff Day . Everybody burns their masks and just pick a day. Too walters point, its one of those things. Its like a slow melt unless we say enough. People are still its like how ugly are you people . Its not that though. Its worse than that. I saw a lot of very dumb takes on twitter yesterday. Shockingly dumb. Even someone that watches as much tv as i do. A woman, a reporter for the huffington post. She said this is horrible this is happening. We should keep the masks and so many other countries its not a big deal. Im an asian american. I want to keep wearing it without feeling uncomfortable. She set that up without being a racist. It was so stupid. This isnt another country. The difference was founded on individual liberty. So you want to wear your mask . Knock yourself out maybe literally if its so outside and youre exerting yourself. But im not going to. Leave me alone. Greg yeah. Are there any practices that bother you guys that youre like those little things on the Floor Business me off. What are they called . The round greg the Temperature Taking is this stuff all going to go away . I heard you were wiping Milk Jugs for a long time. Greg and the wipe we didnt have to wipe the jugs. When im exercising outside, if im not wearing a mask, just the other day the person that im passing turned and faces a brick wall. The New York times said not one take out you know how much better they were than you are. And thats why were going to have trouble giving up the masks. Gave people the opportunity to shame and classify Each Other at first sight. Americans love that. Greg were going to move on. Up next, their cities burned but greg chicago, l. A. , New York. These are all Cities Kat has thrown up in. Theyre also cities where liberal leadership has turned them in to hell holes. In chicago, theyre releasing Feral Cats into the streets to tackle a rat explosion. That is my favorite death metal band. They opened for feral feces. Four poop jokes. 1,000 cats have been released in chicago with orkin naming it the rattiest city for the sixth year. You think the rats would die from the constant gun fire. Maybe the cats can catch jussie smolletts attacker. Watch what this one cat did yesterday. You know your city is up lucky when black cats are like im out of here [laughter] oddly he choked on a rat and died minutes later. I kid. Hes doing fine. Hes running a Bed And Breakfast in vermont. In l. A. , the homeless crisis has led to fires at encampments. Theres 24 a day. More than half of all fires that the department responded to. In New York, i dont want to say the violence is out of Control But Violence is out of control. Yikes this weekend, four people and a Transit Worker were attacked on the subway for three hours. The next day, three people were Ed In A Span of 12 minutes. Liberals applauded the attackers for wearing their masks. What do these cities have in common . Lefty leaders. L. A. , a democratic mayor since 2001. The two safest administrations, Republicans Guliani and bloomberg. In chicago, democratic mayors since 1931. When youre talking government, why fix what is broken . John, we just this topic is on every day in my brain. Is this unsolvable . If the people running the cities continue to deny what the issue is, then theres no way forward. I heap to be a doomsdayer but i am. What do they say about new York City . It was liberalisms vietnam. Its something that keeps being solved and unsolved. Theres one Push Back here about this. The homeless dont go to jackson, mississippi or birmingham, alabama. They tend to go where the money is. I remember in the 1980s in Los Angeles back when media discovered homelessness in a first place. It was a pushback against reagan. A lot of the peopleless people were driving to the encampments, parking their car, being homeless a day and going back to their houses. Theres a lot of money and a lot of homeless. In austin, texas right now, used to be a left ring city. Homeless are everywhere. Greg i wondered, too, when the idea, the issue of homelessness came about. I was like a teenager and it was huge. It was under Ronald Reagan invented homelessness. If it was a democrat, we wouldnt have discovered it. Greg it would have been swept under the rug. Or transients. Bums. Greg bums. They rode the rails like you do, heather. Mans guide to corporate culture. I wrote it for you. Greg you think i have a problem . No. Its to protect The Good Guys for saying or doing greg are you mistaken. Corporate culture, is that going to die . Because people are going to leave the cities you dont need to live in the city . You dont need the homeless are living outside. Homelessness has doubled since 2018. Youre right. The books irrelevant. I hope ill read that book. Kat, for back to work, post covid. These people want a job or maybe they dont know they want a job. Thats what they need. These makeshift shelters are not working. You can see the fires spreading. Fire officials are saying lets give them and education on fire safety, for example. I dont think that will go very well. I want to talk about the cats. I grew up on a farm. Theyre going to miss the rats once the Feral Cats take over. Rats dont jump out of Wood Piles and scratch your eyeball. Heres something people dont know about Feral Cats. Im very educated on a feral cat. Im the mother of a feral cat and a front to many throughout my life. Greg you will have 1,000 Feral Cats i hope so. I hope so. The smell of the cats keeps the rats away. When i moved into this house in d. C. That i found on craigslist, there was all of these rodents. And then my parents brought my cat to live with me again. They were gone. The guy that owned the house said i never seen so few mice and rats in here. It was thanks to the smell of the feral cat. We dont thank them enough. Greg you feel Bat Walter . Not at all, really. I just keep thinking of the sight of Cougars Roaming greg stop it with the hunting people with giant cats. Goodness, walter. Yeah. Sorry. Greg hes going to end up getting a lot of angry mail. Homeless people dont write. It shows. Why dont they use the logic of Superior Force . Now we wont have cops. Were going to have Feral Cats. Yes. Defund the police, bring out the cats and cougars. Greg i can see that as a movie plot. Where you just let animals roam and their trained. Like the robot dogs. I dont know. Why do cities vote for stuff that destroys them . Anybody know . No. A perfect example of liberal policies destroying a beautiful city like you said in your monologue. Look at cuomo. If youre paying attention to the science, the science says if youre vaccinated or have immunities, you dont have to wear a mask. Feral cats are angels from god. Greg theres a coffee mug. Yeah, yeah. [laughter] Greg Somebody at home make the coffee mug. Feral cats are what . Angels of god. Greg all right. Up next, a Pizza Party said greg when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that is a lawsuit. A Car Dealership in the u. K. Is forced to pay their receptionist 32,000. 4 Million pounds. Because here colleagues repeatedly failed to ask her what kind of food she would like to order on pizza fridays. Yeah, the poor woman was starved for Pizza And Attention allegedly. Treatment that the Employment Tribunal deemed a victim. The receptionist said the problem started after she filed a Sexual Harassment complain in march 2018. If someone accused you of harassment, i wouldnt ask about her choice of toppings either. She complained about her hours and her pay. Perhaps that left her hungry. The Dealership Managers said she was a part time employees leaving work at 1 00 p. M. But the tribunal said there was no excuse. Why she was asked for so much dough, she said she needed the money. Heather, all right. So you got this book, the Mans Guide to corporate culture. This is a test that they have in h. R. Theres a dilemma. A woman had a legit charge of Sexual Harassment. Right . Im going to say for the record its legit even though i have no idea. I didnt really read it. Its friday. Heres the dilemma. If you ask her to go to lunch, are you do you risk perhaps being involved in some kind of conflict . If you dont ask her, then you hurt her feelings. So on this either way youre screwed. Yeah. Thats not the language that we have here, heather. This is a family show. Greg i dont know what kind of fit you watch when you go home to your apartment in New York. But were different people here. Okay . Were all like walter. Were from the mid country. Thats what its called. The mid country. Thats the thing, the pendulum has shifted to far in the opposite direction. If you look at things like the Feminist Movement and the me too movement. Rightfully so, that needed to happen. Now youre in a case that youre dealing with cases where you as a man a good guy in the workplace, darn if you do, darn if you dont. Dont say darn. Say damn. Are we allowed . Greg dont be a has it swung too far in the opposite direction . Everything is politically correct. So this woman that wasnt invited to have pizza at work, shes a victim. She was excluded. I was excluded from things my whole life. I guess i left a lot of money on the table. I didnt say a word. You move on. Greg kat, if you could see for every time youre excluded from something, youd be super rich. I know. I didnt eat today. People might say thats because im so hopped up on nicotine and espresso. I say gutfeld didnt ask me to eat. So i had no idea how to do that for myself. Its it is tough. Obviously i do want to be treated as the equal brilliant dynamic Human Being that i am regardless of the fact that im a woman. Thank you. [applause] you guys can come over any time. If youre left out its a big issue. Greg being left out, you can walter, you can now be sued for hurting peoples feelings. The sexual Harassment Thing is a different part of this. So i dont want to make light of that. It is what if she was somebody that just kept putting anchovies on the pizza . I would not invite something that likes anchovies. The problem is turning work into a childs birthday party. Greg what if youre a Birthday Clown . I dont consider that to be a likely possibility. But [laughter] heres the thing. Theres been this trend to make work your family. You know, work your social life and so on. So as work becomes your social life, youll have social problems. He wouldnt dance with me. You know, shes prettier, et cetera. This doesnt happen in Coal Mining, for example. You know . In Coal Mining you didnt die under a rock slide. You dont have pizza friday. Greg you have survival friday. So true. I didnt lose a finger tuesdays. I like to maybe i should not talk about it. John, save me. So i was on the i live under the impression that it Cant Hurt to sue anymore because i keep reading every day you read in the paper about settlements. I wonder am i just am i inaccurately seeing this, that its im reading about it but its not real. I would be a Dam Liar if i didnt tell you this is a great story. We must live in a rich world if you can sue for being left out and im waiting for the u. S. Lawsuit. Were going to quadruple or five times this if youre left out of pizza here. The britts have nothing on us for stupidity. Only the richest countries get to be this stupid. Wait for ours. This is a sign of immense prosperity. Greg its an interesting thing. Its like theres an evolutionary consent about handicapping. Certain kinds of species can handicap themselves because theyre a strong species. Right . Its like a very rich country can endure these kind of idiotic things. A country that is smaller say this is ridiculous. The countries should have stuck to their guns and say its ridiculous. They dont have lawsuits in bangladesh. You know who never does this . Feral cats. They police themselves. Greg youd probably sue on behalf of Feral Cats. Im going to do that as soon as were done here. Greg make a list of the restaurants that Feral Cats are not allowed in. Ill be your queen. Greg all right. Theres a tshirt. Greg welcome back. Lets find out if we got anything wrong this week. For that, we go to our shows ombudsman. Steve owns a bed and i made him breakfast. Anyway, steve, how did we do . Yes, greg, you know, we never made money but we made memories. I have to say all of those years in jail made me miss the old days. Before we get started, the last block, you said 32,000 is 4 Million pounds . Greg yes. Its actually 22,494 pounds. So its greg its less than the 40 Million pounds. By a substantial margin. I havent seen somebody this far off base since i was at yankee stadium. Greg go for it. Lets get to the issue at hand. Thursday you suggested solving problems by Printing Money. Mike, roll that footage. These are Taxpayer Dollars that youre saying were going to give out A Million dollars a week for everybody that gets vaccinated . Greg we can just print more money. Oh you know, too bad theres no real world examples of Printing Money going horribly wrong. Oh, wait. Hey, maybe you heard of a little country called, i dont know, venezuela . They have been experiencing continuous inflation since 1983. According to the wall street journal, the main cause of the hyper inflation is heavy Money Printing from their central bank. Hello greg two things, steve. One, apparently you dont recognize sarcasm. Number 2, what is i notice a mask behind you. What is that . Well, thats for sleep apnea. Thats not mine. Its my friends. They come over. This isnt about me. On tuesday, kat you had something interesting to say about the Hollywood Foreign Press. Mike, if you would, please. So you know what this thing is, the hs whatever . Greg yes. Do they so they so they have known theyre White Guys a long time. All of these celebrities have none this a long time. They werent pissed then. Theyre not pissed now. Theyre pretending to be because theyre a bunch of White Guys. A bunch of White Guys, hey . Actually, kat, the Hollywood Press foreign association has 90 members. Three of which are americans. The majority of them are female. Like former president of the organization from india. According to a recent publication from the Los Angeles times, other members are Lisa Lu who played the grandmother in the 2018 Hit Film crazy rich asians. How about former Beauty Queen Hold on. Excuse me. May i finish . Hold on. Id like to say my mistake. I didnt know that. I dont know much about the Hollywood Foreign Press because im a woman of the people. Its a little elitist for me. Of course. Well, i may suggest some real glasses so you can see the truth. No, im nearsighted in my right eye now. They were a farce. They were a farce for seven years and now theyre not. So you were nearly making an interesting point. Im afraid we have to move on. Heather, hello. Hi. How are you doing . Fine. You made a remark that dr. Fauci said we would never shake again. Right. Is that correct . In the workplace. In the workplace. I go around hugging everyone in the workplace even during covid. So im sure im in big trouble. Very lovely of you. In fact in the original npr interview, dr. Fauci did sort of laugh. You can see it in the transcript. In a follow up interview that he gave with the today show, she said those comments were made somewhat seriously implying that his actual statements were in gest. Not only i stand corrected. Youre spreading germs and lies. Wow. I stand corrected. I apologize. Greg this was your first time on the show and might be your last. I hope your book sells well. One last one, if i may. Greg yes. Tuesday you responded to an odd comment about Hillary Clinton in an equally odd way. Mighty mike, let her rip. The reason Hillary Clinton lost is because of the russians or something and the reason she lost is because shes a lizard person. So the whole problem here is government and politics and once again its factually true. Greg look it up. I think it was Snooks Ran and said shes a lizard person. Im positive that snooks did that. Snooks might have to do a snooks on this. Wow. Interesting. I put my own private investigator on this one. We went in and did some digging in fact hillary is a lizard person. Turns out this is true. Who would have thunk . Yeah, nailed it. My bad. [applause] greg i wonder if youll be snooked over this. God, i hope so. Thanks all of my time. Thanks so much. Greg enjoy your Gift Mask tonight. Ill be not a Gift Mask. Greg all right. Not bad. Not bad. Up next, i answer E Tseallow WTirifto W R. Ol w. Wke it me annoh kp erneorki a Gig R Thr vis. Eye t iny,whh lirs Wi St TYo Intnedoha EnncyoOinpeen Thvefaered it me annoh kp erneorki a Gig R Thr vis. Th is rkth irdy,whh lirs Wi St TOo Fm Rae ofelblops and abt R Sttg wanna help kids get their homework done . Upgre da well, an internet connections a good start. But kids also need computers. And sometimes the hardest thing about homework is finding a place to do it. So why not hook Community Centers up with wifi . For kids like us, and all the amazing things were gonna learn. Over the next 10 years, comcast is committing 1 Billion to reach 50 Million lowincome americans with the tools and resources they need to be ready for anything. I hope youre ready. cause we are. Greg time for one of the greatest segments ever created. Aka where greg reads your mail. Greg Tonights Edition is sponsored by cicadas. If you love insects but prefer to wait 17 years to see them, theyre the bug for you. Cicadas. Now to the mail. Lee asks, what Movie Or Tv actor was your first crush . Actually i was too busy playing sports. Whats so funny . And working on cars. In between the Morning And AfternoonFootball Practices and tinkering on my gto, i never got around to developing infatuations. Maybe i should think about it some more. The flickering Strobe Light that shadow his unwritten responsibilities. Its sometimes uncomfortable. It is sometimes ego diminishing. Its also quietly rewarding, the office of the Vice Presidency . Spiro agnew wasnt an actor. He was nixons vp. He knew how to handle the hippies, too. Hose them down and throw them off a lift. This is really from lee majors. Just call me. If you want to be on my show. He fills my big valley. Thats my horse. You sick people. What is wrong with this audience . Claudia asks, on teacher appreciation week, what advice would you give to kids that hate or dislike teachers . Its healthy to dislike your teachers especially if they skip from first base to second. Actually, i dont remember having a really bad teacher at all. In fact, if i remember correctly, there was one teacher that had a tremendous impact on my life. From clean is the most powerful put into a bottle. Mr. Clean cleans faster. Floors, walls, doors. The Floor Cleaning doesnt have to be that tough. That guy was built. Michael asks, what is your routine that keeps you in such great physical shape and so hand some . Thank you, michael. Im blushing under this makeup even though what youre saying is justified. In truth, i exercise regularly using only the Body Resistance of my workout partners. And gustavo, clem and russ. Its not just about exercise. Its important that i watch what i put into my body. Another shout out to ven, slim and gus. But not gustavo. His visa expired and hes on the run. He also stole three of my suits. Dont apprehend him yourself. Tying him up excites him. The one thing that i miss about gustavo. Karen asks, Bat Man or Super Man . Let me tell you, when i was growing up, wasnt in to Super Heros or maybe not the kind that other kids were into. He was just a messed up rich guy with daddy issues. Let me think. I guess if i had to pick one hero. This is our apartment. Greg you guys laugh. But when you have time, you have to go on the Google Machine and read about sherman hensley. You know about sherman . He had an Lsd Lab in his basement. He was a total prog rock freak. He cut an album with one of the guys from yes. Youre not even responding to this. Im raining Sherman Helmsley facts on you and youre gob smacked. It is amazing. Greg it is amazing. Im not making it up. If youre at home, you google that. You send all four of these people articles and laugh at greg we are out of time. Set your dvrs every night. Kat timpf, c phoenix, our Studio Audience Copy of american marxism. I will see you next on life, liberty levin. [ ] Jesse Welcome to watters world. There is blood in the water. Thats the subject of tonights watters word. Biden is politically wounded 100 days in. The results of the decisions have begun to hurt the country. The summer will be a mess. Biden kneecapped the