Knew that i was different in some way but what exactly that was i could never tell. Initially bowled me over at 1st you just think ok so what does this mean exactly what are the ramifications for you know what does it mean for our lives Going Forward to the students of whose lives are living. As a by me as a service is for me its like im forced to say goodbye. I have to let my little girl go. And i find that its very hard. There are many the moment you realize it is pretty awful because you know that you have a long road ahead of you and will have to go through a lot. Its not over just because youve realized who you really are. Where we 1st met rene and his parents in early 2017 the start of a 2 year journey they invited us to accompany. When at the age of 15 when they decided to come out his chance to end he could hardly find the words to tell his parents. We thought rene wanted to tell us that she was lesbian so thats the 1st thing i asked and then i asked her if she felt like she was in the wrong body. And then you were relieved want you to burst into tears. After coming out it was clear renee wanted to live life as a boy. And off is a Small Community an hours drive from berlin the family moved here 6 years ago from the german capital. Is a japanese family photos of his childhood renee feels no connection to his past. When i think back to my life as a girl its like i was living a totally different life thats what it feels like i dressed in pink and all i didnt get much more girl even that. She or or he had a big box full of all kinds of princess dress up costing lives including little slippers with heels and. They did and michelle like to think back of those carefree times when rene was still their little girl. As it were in a cuddling with me it feels like yesterday its so cute look how cheerful. For the parents the 1st step is saying goodbye to their daughter the fact that i now have a son instead hasnt yet sunk in. To see if this does not know for me its like a different phase back starting but that doesnt have a lot to do with what came before its very strange like a cut that happens and i dont know when but that has created 2 lives maybe thats an exaggeration but it certainly feels like 2 separate harps and the other half is beginning now. Thing. After coming out rene was eager to start hormone therapy to give his body more masculine attributes but he had to undergo a year of psychotherapy and way to turn 16 before doctors would prescribe hormones. Hes now been taking testosterone for 2 months. Every day he applies a gel onto his skin to turn his body into a mans. So that it stays that way hell have to continue the treatment for the rest of his life. My voice has changed has shifted ive got more muscle facial hair ive got more and denser body hair. Id like my voice to deepen a bit more and not much deeper i dont expect that. All thats needed to officially turn renee from a go into a boy is the removal of an easy from the end of his name in his passport. Today family and friends have come for visits its bigots birthday. At home among familiar faces when a appears increasingly at ease. With. His own 13 a has also noticed a change since her niece became her nephew. So. There is a difference now she used to be withdrawn we were a little worried about her sitting alone in her room at her computer i sensed something was up or not a try so now after saying i know im transgender its like a switch has been flicked. Now he comes out of his room and plays with the dog a lot you can just tell he feels better. Renee didnt find new friends after his family moved here 6 years ago but he stayed close to his cousin. Shortly before the news coming out. That strengthen their bond. He came out before me he was sitting on the bed. He was sitting on the bed i was looking exactly and you go i dont know how to tell you this and im like whats wrong and he goes im gay and im like is that all i knew that already. The hard thing about coming out is the pressure you put on yourself we actually knew our parents would accept the hard part is that you have to accept that its ok to not be normal thats the hardest part because youre always trying to understand why youre not like everyone else normal but then you realize no one here is normal. Transgender is a number that describes people whose gender identity doesnt match the sex they were assigned at birth. Germany has seen a more than 3 fold increase in gender confirmation surgeries since 2007. But not all people who identify as transgender undergo operation. Rene has started working out every day to get into. I usually feel pretty small and really want to be bigger muscles arent just for looks they have a function feeling stronger would boost my selfconfidence. It helps a lot to look more masculine because then people perceive you differently and its important to me to not be mistaken for a girl who. Makes me feel like im on the right path ive been on top. Thrown for a year and they say you only see most of the changes when youve been taking it for 2 years. Being transsexual and old it is no longer officially classified as a psychological disorder. But psychotherapy can be helpful for clinical making a transition. When youre for us. Im very glad that we found such a good therapist. I feel renee is that good hands and i find the things they discuss very interesting. Things that would never occur to me to bring up. The war. Over. My mom asked me to give you these its time for International Womens day its not yes its International Womens day thank you. Yes lets get started on the can tell are you good no complaints. Because the training going good its good its going really well and im still having trouble working out my abs though i havent spoke was going on which comes i was going through in a has been seeing therapists here the good sense is coming out of the sessions were a condition of his medical transition as was living in his new identity for 12 months only up to passing the socalled daily life test because the therapist provide a medical recommendation for his home and therapy air attacks this is. The daily life test is important to allow people time to grow into their new gender identity. In the same way they need to grow into their new name you live a different life as a man or a woman. And it takes a lot of motivation and inner drive to proceed down this demanding path. Of finding something in. For now renee isnt considering gender confirmation surgery. As i rush on gender confirmation surgery is a major procedure no nerves get it up in the wrong place and then theres no going back. And its not like youre just going on an attachment. I think it takes 3 operations each lasting 11 hours you know which is only. When your sexuality awakens you may find a way and maybe then it wont even be necessary to undergo surgery to mine. After all that renees been through already the phase of finding his way has only just begun. One year into his sons transition bigot is still finding it hard to come to terms with the situation. At 1st i thought it would pass. Now i dont think the feeling will ever go away i think it will stay. Naturally im happy that rene feels good. And i also have no problem with the fact that rene is now a boy. But that close bond we had in his childhood when he was a girl. And now that girl is gone. It still makes me sad. Before coming out rene became increasingly withdrawn. Plagued by in a conflict he refused to go to school for almost 3 years. And 23 seen the family moved to the countryside motivated above all by renes wish for a more quiet life but now he enjoys venturing into the big city. And what do you think. Colorful true. Today is going to an open house or a private school for adults he wants to get a certificate of intermediary education but after years of refusing to go to school this appointment isnt easy for him. I feel stressed right now as much why what could happen and make nothing. Its just a situation that stressful this feeling but now im taking the step. Its consoles i dont know. His old fears resurface its im nervous now i wasnt before. But come on ill bring you to the door ok we answer now to film inside. Good luck and text me if theres a problem and. I remember from his early years at school how there was always this tension at home will he make it to school today or not. And so the day began with everyone on edge and that feeling came up again just now so. Renees refusal to go to school weighed heavily on the whole family. His parents tried everything to help alleviate his School Anxiety including at missing him to a psychiatric clinic. Af. To renee declared that he was transgender there was at last an explanation for his problems so he just texted. As he rode square on a break and i probably wont find out before Summer Vacation whether ill get a place or not if i like it better. So that sounds pretty positive lets see what he says whats on the his office. When you go so your mind im the type of person who likes to sweep things under the carpet i just assume everything will turn out well wait and see but in hindsight you realize you were pretty stressed out. How to go. Good care. What was good. Not the whole set up was good but it all went by pretty fast i guess because no one had any questions or. The Adult Education center only has a few places for under age students like renee. He wont know for several weeks whether he can restart his schooling here. His family has also undergone a change 4 years joint outing simply when possible. Because ill get in the back. Entrance and about. 18 months after starting home and therapy renee has gained selfconfidence and feels more comfortable in this body. We have less of just a target for me to huge relief to see remade swimming like a fish in the water and musing about swimming trunks fashions and the like. Its a totally different conversation to the types we were having one of 12 years ago i think its great. He no longer has to hide and shows his new body in public. No i dont you die i didnt swim for 3 years because i felt so uncomfortable so its really nice going swimming with my family again but. On another round. Its really amazing to see the change and i think its why im venturing out more because i feel like ive arrived at my goal and im no longer a stranger to myself so for them to. Make this happen its relatively seldom now that i find myself mourning the loss of my girl its changed because i now see that hes finding his way. And we can. Lend beckons renees been accepted at the school and a few months before his 18th birthday is moving into his 1st apartment this ok. Thats true. It feels good to be starting over i think i need a change of routine you know. It will be easier to master everything here in the city than in the countryside. I think weve made the right decision for me besides i wouldnt found a school like this where i live the dream is. A wish for the. Biggest and missing Service Manager is relieved that her son has concrete goals again. Im hopeful especially because this school will give rene the time that he needs to complete his diploma. If you take the year then itll take a year it takes 2 years and itll take 2 years or whatever. As if you dont know. How. Different they adepts well to his new life hell become less dependent on his mothers support. Now. This morning it really kind of hit me and it made me a bit sad to realise that from now on hell only be home on the weekends in the course of time with less frequency which is totally normal it just hadnt really dawned on me yet. Yes. Good night im going to have a little rest. Ritual i want your shoes on. So sweetheart sleep well. Well see and remember your dreams they say whatever you dream on your 1st night in your new place will come true for this i hope its no nightmare. And call me if somethings up ok you know i will. Increasingly people who identify as transgender are not afraid to hide it renee has benefited from a new sense of social inclusion. He also feels less pressure in his new environment there are few students at this bill in school who havent experienced personally. Scroll down from i knew from the start id be meeting people here who have struggled with similar problems is a doddle some cordoned off as were all here for a reason so it wasnt hard for me to come into a class without knowing anything about who my classmates would be among for a while because we all share the experience that we didnt manage in the Normal School system so we have something in common. Commands on the disk you know so thats why its easier to integrate here its not so unfamiliar. Im does. Most of his classmates now know that her name is transgender. But often he faces insensitive reactions. On the street when i get asked stupid questions you can tell people just arent thinking about what theyre saying they just open their mouth and ask if its back in make me feel like some kind of walking with a pedia entry and i find that quite unpleasant heard of muslims among. Whom its a comfort to know his cousin lives nearby. In his company he doesnt have to do any explaining. Of a scope i think of stop looking for white ones but it could look cool for me for you or for me not for me. At ease in his new body buying new clothes its no fun past time. The 18 year old can try on anything that strikes his fancy in the mens department. Before everything was much too big but now i fit into stuff that makes things a lot easier now my shoulders are actually too wide for many things but thats a nice problem to have. Been has closely followed his cousins development. Is much more selfconfident thats very obvious. And as a result everythings gotten a bit easier. For years when i was afraid of being taken for a girl in public and of inquiring glances questioning his gender identity. It was in this restaurant that when they went to the mens room for the 1st time back then it was a huge step today its the new normal. This all of the above them. We were here having a meal and you were like i need to go to the bathroom and at 1st you didnt want to go vote so yes so i had to the back of the horse life. But thats because i wasnt on testosterone yet. Still although some think its no big deal. Super easy. Theyre easy peasy renees life is still a far cry from easy but after almost 2 years hes much more at peace with himself than he was when we started filming. The specs is its a risk and stanford is my sponsor i know what i want if i know who i am and where im at ive come a long way toward approaching my final destination just. As it was or at least a good main station. To look into hoped i just. His experience of daily life as a constant emergency has given way to a feeling of normalcy though he will have to take home and his entire life and undergo regular medical checkups. Renee now only gets out of bilin on the weekends when he visits his parents. Up until my child was 14 i had a daughter and then i had a son its not the case that the son erases the memory of the daughter in the past he was my daughter theres no denying it he was such a girlie. He and i belong to a rare breed of mothers who although they just had one child have a daughter and a son. A my sweetheart. Youre what youre all good. Friends. When the going was tough the family pets were a comfort to rene. This was the support of his parents who were always there for him. The topic of school is no longer to do at home. Promises or you know when your exams are have exactly the map is some time in mid may. Not 6 months have passed since when they moved to berlin he now has a completely different take on the face before his me. Try they are. I was pretty isolated here but it was important for me to be able to go out in public without having people stare at me with this kind of look like kind of what are you now exactly resolving that was i think the most important thing for me thats for mr 50 is that. Its not just to name a whos starting a new life they get admission feel it better than has been left it. Is the status of the stress level has dropped quite a bit and thats a relief of course the last few weeks and months were stressful in their own way what with the apartment and school but i must say i feel a little proud of the way we managed youre above all weve grown closer and closer theres more of a father son dynamic than anything that we had before or yes i noticed that too that you sometimes watch the way i do things or theres a new quality to our relationship its true. Between the 2 of us nothing has changed at all we were super close before and still are. Thank god nothing has changed not. That we dont stress that often enough that we can be proud of ourselves and we should say that out loud more often. Because it was quite a ride mr and this fire at. Least certainly dont do that often enough. Female. Lawyer. Culture. Hair. Superman. Superfood stylish tall gaunt. Led a. Lifestyle youre. 30 minutes. She says her greatest luxury. She does not have to decide. How to do so many different jobs so well. Matriarch tried it. An explosive interview with the actress for. Director. 90 minutes. Every journey begins with the 1st step and every language but the 1st word published in the. New coaches in germany to learn german why not come with him its simple online on your mobile and free shops d w z learning course you can stream german made to see. How if you dont know. Where i come from but oh thats good to cisco its just like this chinese food doesnt matter where i am was reminds me of home after decades of living in germany chinese food is one of the things i missed the most that by taking a step back i sees things i did to the difference between now and. Then of for its a process of negotiations that exist the other part of the wall havent been implemented in china thats new not to chinas people wondering if theyre going to say it but if people have the right to learn the focus of that is this is their job a job that of them how i see it and understand why i love my job because i tried to do it except it is an hour a day by name of the uninsured and i work at it up you. This is deja vu news live from the land Bernie Sanders calls a major victory in the nevada president ial caucuses the way to give sanders a considerable lead in the running for the democratic partys nomination he now appears to have left his nearest rivals including former Vice President joe biden behind him also coming up. Heres a mounting as new coronavirus cain says a merger around the world basically is reporting its 1st 2 deaths following a spike in infections there the government has decided to isolate towns at the epicenter of the act outbreak