doing the one thing that only a few weeks earlier she described as stupid. >> i don't want to hit the wall and break my hand like these retards, like dumb ass girls. seriously stupid. you're going to hit the wall, really? you're going to hit a brick wall? >> i tried calming myself down. i couldn't. i just finally hit the wall like an idiot. i could be helping my family right now financially. i could be being a mom. but, instead, i'm here. i feel so guilty and i feel so helpless. just everything combined, i had it. i snapped. >> later, styx expressed her anger to molina in a letter. >> she's pretty pissed off. she wrote a messed-up letter that started off, it said, hey, ho. >> i put in the letter something like, you were my first, but you won't be my last. and i put, but i guess that's something that you're going to have to live with when you see me with another woman, knowing that should have, could have been you. i was, i said a lot of mean things.