Rex is extremely rare. But friends dont have to be. When you are connected you are not alone. Cox along with these Television Companies support cspan2 as a public service. I am Kevin Butterfield director john w center the library of congress it is my great pleasure to introduce todays speakers. The center by the way is one of the sponsors of this years festival part we are proud to help bring americas most beloved writers here to join us. The center it works to bring scholars to work in the collections of the library of congress for up to a year. To study intensively and extensively and to produce great works. The sort you get to hear about at the National Book festival. Welcome to have when joining us live on cspan today but we aren proud to partner cspan again this year for todays event. Our next Program Features rk wrestling conversation rusmac history 2019 becoming the first active nfl player to identify as bisexual. His new book is titled the yards between us a memoir of life, love, football. Is the chief Communications Officer at the library of congress. Please join me in welcoming them up. [applause] thank you kevin. I finished your book this week it is such a beautiful memoir. Ver profound. I see its a little bit of a love letter to the relationship in your life your mom i think especially the men and your life. I mean your stepfather, your biologicalur father, your childhood friend your best friend joe and of course of your team mates. How did your relationships with these men impact you . Approximately that was the foundation i what i built my manhood off my masculinity my identity is very much a culmination of all of these people my stepfather for example, i lost him at a very young age but still his messages ring true with me today by the character of a man is not how big you are, how strong you are, how intimidating you are but f of your word in your character. Saying things and following through her being dependable and accountable and to the state hoops, my childhood friend who i consider a brother now is someone who has taught meet resilience. To survive heartache and loss and be abandoned by his own family for becoming a part of mine and my best friend joe. About the heart and morality and seeking out to be thele change n peoples life to be a lights people can lean on. Life, examps may be not to do, the false steps we can all take as youve met and the heartache and the importance of healing from that, so you do not continue those cycles. All of these men, teammates as well have taught me about the things that it truly means to be a man and those things have nothing to do with sexuality or how much money you make or how big you are being a Football Player and Football Player or not its about how you affect people and show up in peoples lives. The things they tell you when you are not in the room and the things they will say when youre gone. You talk a lot in the book about the struggles. How did youou get through that d who did you lean on to make sure you could get through it . My mother first and foremost its funny because i do talk a lot about them in my life but the constant throughout all this is my mother. Shes my best friend to this day and she taught me so much just by being herself in who she is that there are no limits in what you can do as a person in this world. She had me at a very young age. A pregnant at 19 and had me as 20 as a single black mother in america a lot of what she heard as the things she couldnt do, the person i she couldnt speak. The statistics we fell into and we exceeded all of them. She was never to woman for something or limited. She got her masters while raising me as a single mother and was there in my life even when i was drafted by the cowboys the first thing i did is move my mother in with me because i knew she would be that foundation and that rock for me. Its funny because i learned i think the most about being the man also from a woman and i think that is pivotal because with of a multiplicity of women we need to understand how we fit the mold and how we should break these molds at times and coexist with people. You also mentioned sports has given me a lifeline. Do you mind if i readd apart frm the book . You wrote football is how i found peace in high school, how i obtained a scholarship to a Top University and attracted most of my Love Interest seemed made friendships that became brotherhoods and when no oneot else wanted me, football was home. Theres so much, a young age i benefit to my detriment. Football especially growing up in texas is a pivotal part i of culture. I think its family, faith and football and though my family a lot of times didnt look like othery peoples, i didnt attend church regularly like others did, football is something i could lean on and proceed when they saw me in the something that asfo the outside world begn to value i began to do the same. I try togi tell Young Athletes d all people in general that of course it is okayse to sacrifice things to achieve your dreams and to succeed in the proportionate interest of the creative hobbies or activities that you love but its never okay to sacrifice yourself and that is in mind with walking the lineup football that becomes so obsessive and i think that as much as i love football and as much as it gave me brothers in the shape of teammates and mentors in the mail figures and coaches and family purpose, education, i also lent it to take things from me like my uniqueness and my individuality, the ability to challenge the things i was told about being a man or a black man in america, and i let it encompass all of me. Its okay for it to be a huge part but its not all im and it took a long time to learn that. You received asc scholarshipt purdue and played for their football team. For those that do not know, can you explain what is taught you and what life lessons . Essentially when you commit to a college and play on their team for whatever reason the first year you have to sit out. For me its because i was a bit undersized, tall and athletic that kind of small to be defense man. So it was basically the coach telling me that i needed to go work out and eat and get bigger if i wanted to play in the league which i agreed and i did do, but there of course our benefits to be like you get to learn the game and be around other athletes and teammates and really be in those big ten starters and things of that nature, seeing what it takes and you get the extra year to kind of prepare and compete and still get four years to play after that which is amazing at it for me vital but it also comes with hardships. Like i moved from texas to Lafayette Lafayette and was told you are good enough to be in the building but not out on the field and the sacrifices they made to that point it comes with its own unique challenges. When your mom surprised you for your birthday, you drove around and landed at the cowboys playoffs, your first nfl game, the Dallas Cowboys versus the philadelphia eagles. Cowboys fans or eagles fans, but your life went fullcircle a few years later you get a call from jerry jones when you were drafted into the nfl. What was going through your mind . That they better call soon and i was stressing. [laughter] but no, its amazing like you said that fullcircle moment, my mother would surprised me though i played football there was such a disconnect in the nfl these were people that were larger than life playing on this tv screen and i assumed everything that they did was something that i could not achieve or couldnt aspire or wasnt in my realm of thinking at the time, but going to see the game and of those huge men that they were still playing on the same hundred yard field i was playing on with the same type of ball into the same rules it made it so much more achievable for me and when i get the call in 2015 to be an Dallas Cowboys and hear that for country accent saying my name its validating. I sacrificed so much in that time period to be a Football Player and achieve the dream by being drafted that most people never achieve in their life but also as a professional then at that point you realize its time to go to work and to show up for all the things youve done up until this point and in terms of my personal journey, college is where i was starting to understand whether it was bisexual because they didnt have a lot at the time that whatever i was was great and thats another thing i just put under the box of sacrifices for sports and getting drafted in my mind validated that. I was like im glad i didnt have a boyfriend or become open because he made it to this point. What people dont realize is ones are in the nfl we assume the money is pouring in and all this hard work paid off. There is a lot of work physically and a lot of mental work that needs to happen because you neverr know if youe going to get resigned or staying with of the team or getting injured. How was it going from the cowboys to the buccaneers . At first it was devastating. They weree my Hometown Team that drafted me where you want to fulfill that. We wanted which he ended up going somewhere else but you want to be that figure in your team and the people that decide to be right you see those expectations and getting cut from the Dallas Cowboys was my moment basically i messed up here if there is something i can even do i went even before going with of the buccaneers i went on several trials that didnt work out. In each i felt a bit of myself being chipped away and to have in my opinion kind of like the least best workout to say we are going to give you a chance to kick it into second gear. Theres no more funny business im not hanging out with friends as much. I cant be the hometown hero. E, i candidate im just going to focus on football. Life has a funny way when you try to shut all these doors and focus, to show you the broad picture and where youre focused. When you were in tampa Something Big happened in football. In this is when cabernet camille during the National Anthem and the witnesses that was happening at the nfl at the time tell me what was happening behindthescenes empower the players deciding if they kneeled it seems probably an easy decision to do it. What were the kind of factors the players were weighing . I think especially in the nfl people have a perception of what it is but honestly we really just talk football or sports. We have moments but we are there some off us almost 12 hours a dy strictly for football and that is the first time there was a discussion in such a large scale about something so much more. I think there was a lot of misinformation. There were players that didnt understand what it was about. There were executives and coaches that didnt understand. I know the first time the owners of the buccaneers came to speak with all of the team and to come up with what they believed to be solutions or to address the problem but also to figure out how we fit and to support the game of football and what the anthem represented so it was a bit of a mess if i have to be honest. It means so much to so many people and also Police Brutality specifically in a social injustice and for people of color also something that affects me and my family and everyone that i know, it affects all of uss whether we are people of color or not and these are very big things. Ive had a family in the military. My brother is in the army, my dad was in the air force, sorry, the navy. My granddad in the air force. It means so much to so many people, but to me the message and the conversations that were being had that is the important part. In i think it was an opportunity for the nfl to jump in on the discussion. I dont think at l that time. Lets talk about the difference. They made some changes. What do you think of them . Its a major culture change, but is the legal in the right path . I think the league is on a good path. I think as we navigate as always there arer missteps and better paths to make. The representation of the lien you have younger people watching football so how do we get the message to them in a way that is both digestible but also meaningful, you know, doing things like putting and racism in the end zone and is seen as okay thats cute but what are we actually doing end of . The nfl s funding the blackowned businesses, social initiatives, hopefully trying to be more proactive about issues instead of reactive so i think once you look at the landscape of things they are doing they are making an effort because they are a huge organization. Will always be room to do more but there is an open discussion listening to people who come to the table and challenge them and what they do and what they think. And other subject matter as you all heard of this years National Book festival theme is everyone has a story and jasons story is a trailblazing story. The library of Congress Loves to say the broad but it also needs to be a mirror to everyones world so they get to see other peoples stories and i think this is where your story comes in very importantly. In your book you mentioned a lot about how you struggled with your sexuality and happiness versus your career. Thats football and the league. You said the questions in my head grew louder and my identity overflowed into worries about the future. There was a bit of irony and how in was shrinking away from a dream even as my hard work had been within reach. The nfl wanted me but only because they didnt know the real me. I dont want to that must have been something hard to wrestle with. You worked your entireur life fr this moment and what do i do. Football is one of those things, those unique things that though it is a job at that level its one of the few jobs where it calls to your manliness or character like who you are as a person. I think thats something we focus a lot on. When you pick up a football at a young age,ge people tell you wht type of person you need to be to play the game and some of it is correct like you kind of need to be a little crazy to hit other people at full speed and get up and do it over and over again. But theres rhetoric specifically of dont throw like a girl. Theresgh being tough which is f course important but not blocking out all the emotions, to get up and rub some dirt on it works in effect to some effect but it doesnt work for all of your lifes obstacles and i think when you focus so much on the f type of people that can play football youre saying what type cant play and i grew up and most of the players on the league as well when i realized i didnt fit the type id been told from a young age what Football Player, the strong masculine, straight, hardnosed not emotional person. I thought do i not belong here. That was the hardest part i think that i was reading from your book you struggled a lot with both depression and maybe binge drinking. How are you today . Not drinking, thank god. Thank you. Four years sober in september. [applause] we wish you well. This month is the 40 Year Anniversary of when you wrote that essay that was published on espn. Im going to read a quick excerpt. You wrote i want to live my dream ofe playing the game. I worked my whole life to play and being open about the person ive always been, those two objectives shouldnt be intw conflict but judging from the fact that there isnt a single openly lgbtq player in the nfl and Major League Baseball or the nhl brings me pause. I want to change that. For me, for other athletes that share these common goals and for the generations of lgbtq athletes thaton will come next. When you were in college, michael came out and then most recently the only nfl player with a free agent who is out. Let me ask you this. What do you think it will take for more professional male athletes to come out . I know its going to be a major culture change. Should start with the league or teammates or owners were the sponsors . Its a major undertaking and is know that youve taken this to task about what do you think needs to change to feel more comfortable . I think it has to come from both sides. I think we have heard a little bit more about how the players have come forward to talk about accepting a player for the merit of their game and their hard work. I think all of that is great. I dont think weve had that same messaging when it comes to marketing and promotion whenin u show and what you see on tv or commercials or in the stadiums what types of people are allowed to be fans let alone players i think is really making sure that you bring inclusion into the base of your foundation and organization. So even if they are not out players as coaches and executives and administrations, all these things as referees. The game in and of itself needs to be more inclusive for people to feel comfortable. You cant ask what will make them feel comfortable if you dont of people around that understand the experience that you are treating a wound instead of the problem and the cause of it. But i personally though i work veryel closely with the nfl and the players in the sports culture, i truly believe that like i was saying, a lot of that is the culture we here at a young age a lot of it is about lgbtq plus athletes growing up because they dont feel included in sports or supported in sports and i think once we fix that problem, thats going to affect more people. More people are going to play at the Public School level and even thee collegiate level. So you think it should start from the very beginning . While kids are playing touch football or little League Baseball games in a start to the culture change their . Its important. My goal isnt to have every professional player thats out and if it is a great goal, but to me it is to have lgbtq plus players getting into the sport young, go into professional leagues already out and already being their true selves and valued for that upfront and face value and being allowed to play the game they love. When you published your essay and did your interview, how did you feel . That mustve been a huge weight off your shoulders. I describe it i think as coming up for air for the first time and not realizing id been drowning my whole life. There are things ive done that to this today im so proud of, this book being one of the top being drafted, going to g collee and graduating, but coming out is still probably my number one because it wasnt about football, it wasnt about other people and what they thought about me and at that time to make a statement even. It was me choosing my own life and choosing to live whatever i had and to prioritize myself first and somethingnd everyone should do for themselves and something i think that a sense that everyone should have in their lives because regardless of the things we like to do with the activities or the sports we play we have toiv live with ourselves. [applause] since 2019, you see a lot of fans and people reading your book. What kind of reaction are you getting from athletes or people on the streets . Any reaction that ive gotten mostly has been positive which im very thankful for, but honestly its the broad sweeping if i have to pick a similar sentiment and all the attraction that i have is thank you for telling the story, thank you for having this discussion in the field especially male sports that has not and is still shying away from the subject regardless of whether we like it or not we all know from the lgbt plus we are all related from that and if you dont have that connection or no one comes to mind that means someone in your life is shameing and shrouded in and secret and is either too afraid or doesnt feel safe enough were a multiplicity of reasons isnt living a full life as they should be. That is whats this book is abot and the message im trying to convey that we need to love people where they are out and allow people to be themselves. We need to not judge people beforere we know them. I think a lot of times we talk about things that are just topics when these are connected to true peoples lives and these intothese are points people are agonizing about. We close the book by talking about thee new opponent. No longer strapping on a helmet and shoulder pads to clash with other individuals. Today my opponents hate and the idea how we teach it to younger generations and fund it with our dollars into the systems that uphold it. Its the true opponent of all of us, the idea that someone of a different color, gender, religion or sexuality is lesser than anyone else. I dont have to tell you theres a lot of that going on with her from book banning or Everything Else in the country. How do you want to play part in fighting that . Any way i can. Honestly i think we all have a different piece to play in the battle against hate and at some point we felt like we were told we couldnt do something or be something inthat our lives was incorrect based on who we are, where we were born, what we look like, and i dont think thats fair. I dont think we should limit human beings by things that are beyond our control. My color for example being one of them. I think the importance also beinghe a person of color and a bisexual person is that i see the way that this idea forms different rhetoric surrounding multiplicity of topics. That is why i will stand with anyone that feels they are being oppressed or erased, silenced, pushed down into the foreground because that has happened to me i so many ways and if it happened to you that in some way i allow it to happen to me and to others im okay with that idea and i think that is what we need to all be on the same page about. We are going to discuss things and have different points of view. That is the beauty of being human but when someone tells you what they are hurting or under attack or someone tells you that they feel unsafe or they feel like they are not meant to be here by an outside force, that is when you need to listen and when the discussion needs to stop and the listening needs to start and we need to hear and how we can help them. We are going to take questions shortly. There are two microphones on the aisle. Feel free to line up and i will point to you when we have a question. Lets talk about comingg out. We talked about how hard it is for men and professional male athletes but it doesnt seem the same on the female side. I believe in the world cup there were about 86 women who were out among all the soccer players around the country. Why do you think it is easier for women to come out . Multiple reasons. I also believe that me personally i believe women are constantly at the foreground of change in our country and constantly challenging the status quo. [applause] women lead our society in many ways. I think as a woman unfortunately you are told from birth of the thethings you cant do and i thk women have built up to automatically say no you dont define me. I think that attributes. I think also more on the problematic center of things that sports i talk about the misogyny of sports and that these young women that are in sports have been told that in some way they are less woman of her being in sports. I think once you kind of take off that as negative as it is you take off the shackles of their Sexual Identity and they are allowed to be themselves. The womens leagues are also built by women. They are representative of the women that are in them. We talk about the wnba all the time and being in the foreground notan just lgbtq plus inclusion but using their voice because it is a league run by women. We were talking about earlier when young girls are playing the culture is there to make things easier for them. First question. Very proud to hear your story and see that you are true to yourself. Curious what was the reaction of your teammates and management after you came out . My teammates, with a good to be from high school or college or professional, everyone that knew me personally mostly had wa very nice things to say. If anyone outside of that even other players on the league felt negatively ort in different they didnt tell me which i appreciated. I received so much love and acceptance and support. Congratulations on your book. Im interested inoo the process. Did youin just say im going to write it, did you do a little every day, just the whole process . This book was probably the culmination of almost three years. It started with coming out in 2019 essay sharing my story feeling how liberating it was for me and wanting to do that at large. The process was something i was also kind of handheld through. I had an agent very early on and wanted to expand that to make this dreamue come true. I wrote in flurries for three years. Therent were two months where i didnt do anything and there was a month where i was just in a dark room. Writing was challenging, therapeutic. I cried, screamed, hated, loved it. It was everything i say to this day that including playing in the National Football league, writing this book is the hardest thing i ever did in my life but also one ofs the most fulfillig and i had a great team of editors. It needed a lot of editing. We finally got to something that felt good for me and for my story. You talk about your writing and you mention how it saved you as well. Youve been writing this since you were younger. How did the writing help you may bebe internalize and not kind of help you may be act and feel like they are here for you . We talk about the social issues here in the construct and the norms of the societal agreement we all adhere to whether we know it or not by being complicit in this world and in certain things, but there is none of that in writing for me. It was such a judgment free zone. There were no rules i didnt have to be anyone i wasnt or i could jump into a book and experience something so far removed from what my own experience was for to see a vision i wanted to cultivate in my life and that was something i constantly sought out and writing that regardless of how the world of salami, i could grab a pen and a piece of paper and create my own image of who i am and who i meant to be and the life i want to live and its something that still drawls me to thingsis like this to be honored and to be part of such an Amazing Program with so many offers that have challenged the status quo. Ive wrote their own mysteries and it shedses light on so many things i even as a person in the states was unaware of and the writing will continue to be the truest form of communication for me and something that i value so much. I saw that your book is being turned into a Television Show and i was wondering sort of how that process is going for you and if you are involved in the handson writing and how it feels to have your life be adapted into something thats made for a larger audience . I would like to say that there is a strike happening right now in hollywood, and i very much support that. Its important that everyone feels as though they have a fair wage. [applause] thats first and foremost. In terms of this book, ive been honored to have the option come to beabriel union herself in conversation with her and to have Sony Pictures take that on in development and to be a coexecutive producer and writer so i would continue to write and tell stories and try to bring this book to as many people as i can and also the chance to tell other stories. Its supposed to be a comedy so hopefully im funny. And we can make that happen. I think for that part, to laugh and to know youre going to sit down and have a good time makes talking about things like this a little easier. No one wants to watch an hour long berating lecture of all the things you should be doing. More people would love to come to the table and have a good laugh and hopefully at the end understand each otherfu a little bit more but the process is great. Gabriel union is amazing. Its a dream to work on. Hollywood is crazy. In good ways and not good ways. But its truly just im honored to beor able to tell stories. Congratulations again on your sobriety. Hear more about how getting sober might have been connected with the other happenings. I came out late w august 2019 and then after a long weekend of kind of looking at my life and being like zero my god what have i b done for the better and just for the different, i realized that alcohol was no longer serving meno in my life and thaa lot of the times when i could have been seeking healing or understanding orde reflection i sought out alcohol instead and so i might not have had what people classify as an addictive personality or alcoholism. I knew that alcohol had a negative relationship around it and then never made anything in my lifer better. My partner is also sober, ten years sober as well so seeing someone live a life of sobriety andob connection and still be entertainment and doing what they want and achieving their dreams and having that Guiding Light was huge. Yes, sir. Congratulations again on your book and your ability to be authentic, your authentic self. I wonder whether or not as you move from one professional team to another, dallas, tampa bay and so on the end of the teams you try to go to in between if you feel that your discriminated against because of your sexuality that you may have been able to hang with some of those teams if n you had not, if there hadnt been an indication that you might. I can say im not sure about the experience. I wasnt out at the time and there were a multitude of reasons people turned me down but also made sense to me. Being the proud Football Player im i understand that and i have to say after coming out i was getting calls prior to coming out but ing didnt receive any more calls from leagues and i can also say that i think the evidence that theres only one out active player right now in the leagues evidence may be a lot of discrimination but that theres not enough being had to make players feel comfortable and included and i also talk about the choices i make in my life not to chase conspiracy and not to wonder of the things that could have, should have, would have because my life was so full. But i want to those people coming up to not have that fear of being discriminated against and that regardless of how they will be on their ability to help the team win and that is my goal today. Yes maam with of the festival of books tshirt. Thank you for coming. Im also bisexual and wondered about your journey between finding people that struggle. Im wonderingfo that journey is for you. I had the same struggles in college. I knew i wasnt straight but sometimes bisexual didnt feel like an option. I was told that it is individuals thaty were afraid d that they were holding onto their masculinity which even if that is the case for someone i understand that as well, that its scary beingng lgbt plus in the world and that a lot of times a load of the times i was having relationships with both genders and i just didnt see bisexual but he is a landing spot. I had to say to myself this is who i am. At the time i didnt know anyone elseaf who was bisexual. After coming out there are so many people that are asexual and its why arent we hearing those voices into stories and seeing those people and thats a little bit of what this is about so thank you for sharing as well. Thank you for creating a resource. Thank you for writing this book. My question is about in your work on eradicating hate my question has to do more specifically with what would you say to an africanamerican male boy who likes football or sports, felt like i dont think im straight but lived in an environment where there is hate, bullying, what would you say to them to give them hope . With any person, my prayer ready first is about safety, there are environments in place where being yourself or any other is a direct conflict to your safety so i would say to prioritize your safety first. Im not of a rose colored glass perception just be yourself and everything will be great. There are a lot of challenges. I would tell them to myself or the other people in the area doing the work to make sure the youth are safe and protected. I would hopefully point them to a resource they have if not within their community than online that they can access and talk aboutan because every situation is different but i will let them know there are people out there just like you that you being who you are is what makes you special and beautiful and bright and its your superpower whether you are ashamed or bullied for it or not and that regardless where you are now you can find the community, the love, the july, the happiness. The world needs to change and we are working on that. We are running out of time. You just answered my question. I am a marching band mom and i want to say thank you because you are the first Football Player who hadad anything i wand to hear. [applause] ii just want to say thank you fr sharing your experience, truly wonderful and my question was with the intersection of other sports what do you think they can do better. Where do you think they can improve in that regard and do you think theres some intersection between the athletes that we can learn from . I think every Major Sports League either has a lesson to learn or a precautionary tale of what not to do. I think they have ambassadors that were also players that intentionally were building out and were honestly the diversity of conclusion and equity divisions. Having them lead to social change and be the forefront is important as well. The list goes on. The possibilities are endless but i think at the forefront its about building into the foundationun and people are makg the decisions of the communities they are making the decisions about. I cant end this without [inaudible] [applause] as a trans and bisexual boy, ive been having a little bit of trouble with my identity. So, like what would you say about finding yourself . I would say honestly its a journey that even at the age of 31 i know i do not know everything about myself but that you and hopefully everyone around you has given you the opportunityt and freedom to len to discover and identify and figure it out to challenge your own concepts and those around you of who you should be and as time goes on you will feel more yourself and people that see you for you and accept you as just you are and that its okay to challenge the world around you. The world around you isnt perfect or made up by other people. Its okay to challenge ideas and i love you and appreciate you being here. [applause] that is a perfect wayha to end e session. On behalf of the library of congress, thank you for coming to the National Book festival. We hope to see you for the rest of the day. You think this is just a Community Center . No, its more than that. Comcast is partnering with a thousand Community Centers to create wifi enabled look to zones so students from low income families can get the tools they need to be ready f anythi. Comcast along with these Television Companies supports cspan2 as a public service. Joining us now on booktvs offer richard vickery. What do you do for